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Toru Nui

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  1. This is the song written for Steal the Mask, This is the fight: Toru and Cheese, I'm going to kill you with a forklift! Ole! This is the song right after the Godkarmachine's destruction, This is the fight: TwilightVezon and Pohaturon, Now strap in tight, and let's get set for action, To launch another ship off this planet! I have successfully killed you all with a forklift! My mask, huzzah!
  2. Yes, but I bombed your bombs causing your bombs to bomb at the bomb office causing your bombastic career in bomb dropping to bomb. While you drown in debt and more repetitions of the word bomb, I steal the mask. My mask.
  3. Part 272: Shifting Sand Land “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIHAVESANDINMYEYESAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-“ “Congratulations. You people have somehow found a way to hate sand. SAND! It’s not even a person!” “Quiet you. My elemental senses are tingling!” “Ew…” “No one wants to hear that.” “No you pack of palookas! There’s a mask nearby, I know it!” “Yes. It’s right there, on your face.” “Nnnnnooooo…” “Well it looks like there’s a mask on that large spire over there.” “How can you tell from this distance?” “X-Ray Vision.” “Ah, of course.” WAKE ONE YOU WAKE THEM ALL
  4. I bomb your bombs so your bombs bomb like a bomb. My mask.
  5. YOU FOOL! You can't kill cockroaches by stepping on them, but they can kill YOU by gnawing through your foot to your brain. I then use SCIENCE! to get my old body and the mask back.
  6. As the new Mask of Life, I don't take kindly to you people fighting over me like some prize. I think I'll make myself a body out of some plant life (somehow) and KILL YOU. I'm the mask.
  7. You forgot about ME! Apparently I am now the mask. Since I can't steal myself, I'll just have to steal YOU. My TwilightVezon.
  8. You can't sell something to me that's legally mine! That's ransom. I sue you for being a ransomer and receive my skull and my mask as compensation. My mask and skull.
  9. I pop my skull out of my face and throw it at you. My mask.
  10. I follow you two to the new dimension by calling a taxi, which then runs you over. My mask.
  11. “Heck no, this is my favourite show! Too bad the main actors are dead now. THANKS TO YOU.” 1st Anniversary Recap: For Your Convenience “Hello. I am the Great Spirit Mata Nui. I have brought you guys to this lovely island paradises and given you the Three Virtues which you will probably ignore.” “We shall name this island after you then: Mata-Nui.” “MY BROTHER HAS AN ISLAND NAMED AFTER HIM AND I DON’T?! OUTRAGEOUS! I CAST UPON THEE A SPELL OF SLEEPINESS!” “NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO-*snore*” “NOW BEGINS MY THOUSAND YEAR REIGN OF TERROR! AND BRAINWASHED ANIMALS. MUAHAHAHHA.” “Oh great. Where are our saviours?!” “I’m on it.” EXPLOSION! “Ooooooooohhhhhhhh… arrrghhh… that was the most uncomfortable canister I’ve ever slept in.” “You are the Toa. You must collect the Masks of Power lying around everywhere to create your Golden Kanohi. Whatever those are.” “I’ve got my Golden Mask.” “Mine too.” “I’d say I’m halfway there.” “MUHAHAHAHHAHAHAH! I am now under The Makuta’s control, and therefore evil!” “No you’re not.” “Oh. Thanks.” “Don’t mention it.” “BAH! THE TOA ARE GATHERING THEIR MASKS TOO QUICKLY! AHKMOU, I NEED YOU TO DEAL WITH THIS!” “Butterin’ toast!” “CURSES! ELIMINATOR-“ “Oh no. I’m only supposed to deal with incompetent Dark Hunters. Not incompetent Toa. Cheerio.” “HUMBUG! MANA-KO, I CHOOSE YOU!” Kopaka used Glaciate! It’s super effective! “…EVIL CLONES IT IS THEN.” “We live to serve you, master…” “He’s right. Seriously, we only exist to do what you say.” “*groan* What did I eat?!” “*sigh* The majority of Po-Koro has been afflicted by a strange illness. I swear to the Virtues, if this is the work of Ahkmou-“ “It is.” “I’m in your quarry, poisoning your Koli Balls.” “RAGH! THAT’S IT! Vakama, we feel you’re not doing a good job of running Mata Nui. We’d like to discuss this over your dead decaying corpse.” “Certainly, Onewa. But how about INSTEAD of killing me, we have a nice peace conference on the summit of Mount Ihu.” “Why there?” “Because I said so.” “OK.” “Turaga Whenua, I represent the majority of Onu-Koro.” “You only represent half Tehutti.” “Whatever. Anyway we’re overthrowing you using this totally original giant robot I totally didn’t steal the plans from Nuparu.” “And I totally didn’t put a highly evolved Kraata of Fear in there to function as it’s brain either.” “CRUSH! KILL! DESTROY!” “See?” “EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!” “…I think we should side with Whenua instead of the crazy man with the giant robot.” “Oh rrreeeaaalllyyy?!” “Turaga Nuju, everyone appears to be fighting each other for no good reason!” “Chirp?! Caw! Cluck! Twit-too-hoo! Cock-a-doodle-doo!” (What?! This is not good! Better get my weapons of mass destruction ready to blast the crud out of them. Tell the Toa they have three days to find their masks and defeat Makuta or I fire!) “Also, Ehrye left that abandoned asylum we built in the middle of nowhere and is now working for Klyma in his hotel. Which is where practically every single character is now, because the peace meeting is on the day you plan to fire the weapons.” “I WILL DESTROY YOU ALL-wait, I’m out of power already-THIS ROBOT RUNS ON ZINC BATTERIES! Tehutti, you cheapskate! Tehutti? Where is Tehut-“ “Oh him? He got eaten by some eldritch abomination me and Takua accidentally released from a giant sundial beneath Onu-Koro. But then the Toa made it go back underground, so I doubt we’ll ever see it again.” “Surprise!” “OH. YOU AGAIN.” “Makuta, I have come to take revenge on you for sealing me away beneath Onu-Koro and take my rightful place as Chief Antagonist!” “NO.” Makuta used Shadow Hand! It’s super effective! “NNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO-ded.” “HMM… YOU KNOW, I DOUBT ABSORBING A BEING OF PURE DESTRUCTION AND MALICE IS GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH.” What? Makuta is evolving! “AH. I WAS RIGHT. Wait, what I am doing sharing my body with my island’s personal boogeyman? The last thing I remember is getting eaten by a swarm of body parts-oh look, I’m now a swarm of body part-SHUT IT.” Congratulations! Your Makuta evolved into Void Makuta! “Well, this robot body is now useless. I’d better-“ “Ooh look! It’s so CUTE! Can I keep him Turaga Nokama?! Pleeeaaaseee?!” “Oh no…” “Fine, Nixie. But you’ll have to feed it, water it, walk it and clean up it’s filth.” “YAY!” “Makuta! Father! Where are you?! SAVE ME!” “I’M A LITTLE BUSY RIGHT NOW. THE SHADOW TOA HAVE BETRAYED ME AND HAVE TAKEN OVER MANGAIA, MY EVIL LAIR. I COULD KILL THEM EASILY, BUT I THINK IT’S BETTER TO SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING. Well I think-SHUT UP!!!” “I wonder what Kylma’s up too… probably nothing interesting.” “MANIACAL LAUGHTER! I HAVE EXTRACTED THE SPIRITS OF EHRYE, NUHRII, AGNI AND VHISOLA! MY EXPERIMENT HAS BEEN A SUCCESS! NOW I’M OFF TO STEAL NUPARU’S SECRET WEAPON IN ONU-KORO! THEN I’LL FINALLY BE ABLE TO USURP AHKMOU’S POSITION AS MAKUTA’S RIGHT HAND MATORAN! BECAUSE IT’S SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN RIGHT IS BETTER THAN LEFT!” “Oh great. Kylma left us locked inside his laboratory. We’ve managed to get our bodies back, but we’re in the wrong ones! I’m Nuhrii in Vhisola’s body! This is awf-actually, since I’m a heterosexual male inside the body of a fit female-“ “Shut up! Why is everyone stating the obvious today!? I mean, I’m Ehrye in Agni’s body and you don’t see me proclaiming it to the world! Wait, I’m not talking like a crazy person anymore. Eh, it must be because I’m in Agni’s body and therefore have Agni’s sane mind rather than my insane one.” “Agni is in Ehrye’s body. Agni has Ehrye’s mind. Agni does not feel right.” “Nuhrii, stop groping yourself and by extension me!” “Will someone please knock out Vhisola in Nuhrii’s body?” THWACK! “Thank you. By the way, you wanna hear the story of how Kylma became Makuta’s servant?” “Not really, but we have nothing else to do.” “OK. Here we go. You see, it all started when-“ TO BE CONTINUED
  12. I HAVE RETURNED! I knock you silly with my own shadow. My mask.
  13. “PFFT. GOSSIP SHOWS. AHKMOU CHANGE THE CHANNEL PLEASE.” BZPower 15th Anniversary Special: Where Were They All? Ladies and gentlemen, in celebration of our beloved site’s fifteenth birthday, we present to you a very special edition of BIONICLE 2001 Abridged. During the Dark Age, AKA 2011-2014, the cast of BIONICLE had to find work wherever they could. Tahu got a job as an industrial incinerator in Japan. He was quoted as describing his job as: cathartic. Gali became a worker at an aquarium in France. During her tenure, it was noted that several guests would be kicked out, covered in bruise marks, protesting that they only tapped the glass once. Kopaka went into self-imposed exile in the Himalayas. When LEGO’S representative came to look for him for the 2015 reboot, he was found attempting to break the record for the world’s largest ice rink. Lewa went on a treasure-hunting expedition in the Amazon. No, not the jungle, the website. Naturally, he was broke and penniless when they found him. Pohatu became an assistant coach for the Dallas Cowboys, though he wished to keep that a secret so LEGO wouldn’t find out he was there and prosecute him for embezzling funds. They did so upon finding him and then immediately re-hired. Onua disappeared off the face of the Earth before suddenly arriving at LEGO’S headquarters in Denmark one month before the reboot had even been announced. He wouldn’t say where he had been, although he seemed to have suffered brain damage during his disappearance. Takanuva worked as a contractor specializing in constructing lighthouses. Of course. The Turaga went to an old folk’s home in Canada. During this time Nokama (somehow) became pregnant. The father of the baby is a… DIVIDING topic amongst the others. The Toa Inika/Mahri became stuntmen. How audiences couldn’t distinguish between a brightly coloured plastic man and a regular human is beyond even them. Teridax lived in luxury in a large gloomy Victorian mansion in the UK. He set in motion the events that lead to Britain leaving the European Union. Just as planned. And Mata Nui went into a coma. Again. SERIOUSLY THOUGH HAPPY BIRTHDAY BZPOWER WITHOUT YOU NONE OF THIS WOULD BE POSSIBLE
  14. Part 271: The Adventures of Fluffy and Mr. Snookums CRASH! BANG! WALLOP! BREAK! “NIXIE! OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN THE DOO-“ Nixie did so and the door slammed right into Hahli’s face. “…Ow…” “Sorry about that, but you were standing far too close to it.” SMASH! “Nixie, what the Karzahni is going on in our room? And where is Macku? …Those questions have the same answer, don’t they?” “Macku’s sleeping peacefully.” CLANG! “Doesn’t sound like it. Normally when she’s sleeping there’s even more noise.” “Oh, that’s Fluffy.” PLATES FRACTURING! “I will bite your heart out and FEED it to you!!!” Screamed Turahk, but all it sounded to the Ga-Matoran was: “SNARL! SCREECH! GROWL!” “He’s hungry, I should get him something. Do you have a can opener?” “Wait, the Kraata’s OUT of its bowl?!” “Well he wasn’t playing nice with Mr. Snookums, so I put him outside the bowl.” “Snookums… the small, tiny little fish? Wasn’t being played nice with the poisonous evil slug creature?” “Fluffy is NOT evil!” “GLORY to Makuta! DEATH to the False God!” “Loud, perhaps, but not evil!” “…Let me in.” “I don’t think you’ll be nice to Fluffy.” “I’m not gonna do anything mean. I’m just gonna knock it unconscious with a frying pan, and present to Turaga Nokama. Because that’s how I roll.” “…You might wanna get a different room now.” “Ugh, I CAN’T. The owner’s gone missing for some reason.” Meanwhile, in Onu-Koro… “AT LAST, I HAVE IT! THE WEAPON THOSE ONU-MATORAN MENTIONED! AND IT’S MINE! ALL MINE! MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!” … … … … … “WHAT DOES IT DO?” READ THE MANUAL NUMBNUTS
  15. Part 270: The Cowboys “Ladies, gentlemen and Kopaka: welcome to Po-Wahi!” “Oh good. Can we leave now?” “NO! Haven’t you listened to a word I’ve said?” “Anyone who would WILLINGLY listen to you is either stupid, crazy, deaf, or asleep.” “What’s a sleep? Is it a synonym for nap?” “Did he say death? DEATH listens to Tahu!? TAHU! I ORDER YOU TO ORDER DEATH TO KILL KOPAKA! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!” “Huh? Sorry, I wasn’t listening.” “*snore*” “Haha! Smug mode.” “…Stupid, crazy, deaf, asleep OR highly intelligent.” “Why thank you.” “I meant me you-*groan*” “Enough! Let us begin our search! Onward, brave idiots!” “Very well, but I swear to Mata Nui and all and any other benevolent entities that may inhabit our universe, that if I have to take yet ANOTHER sharp blow on the head from a rock, my higher brain functions-“ “Higher?” “Functions?” “BRAIN?!” “Well you can try taking multiple spiky craggy stones to the head for all I care. See what good comes of it.” “Perhaps if we find a few blunt rocks we can get Lewa comatose. Then we won’t have to listen to his voice anymore.” “Yehheheheahahahaaa! Wait, you’re not serious are you?” WHY SO SERIOUS
  16. I don't wish to know that. Part 269: I’ve Discovered I’ve Actually Been Spelling Klyma Wrong This Whole Time, its Actually KYLMA “Right, where to start… basically, Kylma is the living definition of mad scientist.” “Yes, we’ve gathered that.” “But he wasn’t always like this. His obsession with finding a way to win the war between us and Makuta probably drove him over the edge, especially after his assistant, Jaa, died at the hands of a Muaka. Although I am no scientist, he clearly recognised my wealth of knowledge (and handsomeness) and hired me as a replacement. Kylma got his funding from some Onu-Matoran. To be honest I should have enquired more into that, as it turned out said funding had been embezzled from the Onu-Koro Mining Company. Eventually, this Onu-Matoran told Kylma about the Kanohi Vahi, the Legendary Mask of Time.” “Wait… that sounds familiar.” “Agni reminds Nuhrii that is the mask Turaga Vakama keeps with him at all times. Agni says Turaga Vakama never go anywhere without it.” “I don’t how or why this mask even exists or why Vakama had it, but this Onu-Matoran “heard” about its existence from Whenua. Me and Kylma took an agonisingly long trip to Ta-Koro, only to find that construction on that cable car we thought would never get started has begun and finished while we had gone. I don’t think I’ve heard anyone scream so loud.” “Agni asks Kylma?” “No, me. Anyway, we asked Vakama if we could borrow the Vahi for some experiments to see if we could use it to predict the future. Vakama expressed doubts that the mask could even see the future, let alone be controlled by a Matoran, but he decided to accompany us back to Ko-Koro on the cable car. Once we returned, we entered Kylma’s hotel slash hidden laboratory, and began experiments with the mask. On me. At first, tests were inconclusive, as in, the mask didn’t even work on me. But eventually, I started having visions of a tall silver Matoran called Krakua. He told me that he was transmitting to my mind from the future, or at least a possible future timeline, and that he had the Vahi from his time period used a power source for a machine in a fortress on a deserted island on a distant planet-“ “This sounds ridiculous. And that’s coming from someone who believes the Legends of Lhii.” “Come on. After all that’s happened to us, is it really THAT unbelievable?” “Agni says yes.” “Well, to be honest I don’t know whether what he was saying was the truth, or if he was just a hallucination caused by the Vahi. Anyway, he said he could only contact who have or at some point will wear the Vahi, like Vakama, or some guy called Takanuva. Of course, he didn’t tell me how to beat Makuta, apparently because “spoiling it” would cause a rift in the space-time continuum. Klyma was furious when he heard this, and understandably so, his big plan had just blown up in his mask. Vakama wanted to take the Vahi back to Ta-Koro, but Kylma was having none of it. Eventually he started yelling and shouting so often that his voice became almost permanently fixed to that volume. This is why he yells, you see. When Vakama tried to take the Vahi back by force, Kylma actually fled the Wahi with the Vahi in hand. There was this huge manhunt for him across the entire island. He was gone for six months until he resurfaced. And only now do I realise just where he was during that time.” “Uh… where?” “The last place any Matoran on Mata-Nui would want to be. I mean, where do you think he got all this fancy equipment?” IT WAS NOT AT THE LOCAL HARDWARE STORE THAT IS FOR CERTAIN
  17. Part 268: You’ve Unlocked a New Area “Look, our next course of action is simple-“ “I doubt it.” “We go to Po-Wahi, since we already have three masks from there. If we hurry, we can be done by nightfall and have one day left before Nuju nukes the entire island out of paranoia.” “Yes. One day is a perfectly reasonable amount of time to collect all six masks from three other Wahis and then defeat Makuta.” “Well do you have a better plan, maggot?” “No, but it doesn’t make yours-“ “Save it, I’ve heard it before.” “I’ll bet you have.” “Well how do we get to Po-Wahi? It’s probably kios away! How will we-“ “Maybe you boobs should learn to read. Then you would figure out by the huge sign that we’re at the border of Po-Wahi.” … … … … … “Doesn’t it bother you that the only woman on the team just called US boobs?” “*sigh*” “Nobody cares. You boob.” NOW THAT WE HAVE YOUR ATTENTION READ PRISONERS OF THE POOL BY MT ZEHVOR IT IS QUITE GOOD
  18. Part 267: Professional Opinions “Right, so now that we know who’s Hafu and who’s Taipu-“ “I don’t.” “Shut up Hafu.” “No, that’s Taipu. Hafu would mention his name every time he said I.” “Aye? He’s a pirate?” “Arr, I, Hafu, now be a pirate. Yarr.” “Mata Nui Taipu, DO YOU KNOW WHAT HORRORS YOU HAVE UNLEASHED?!” “What?” “HAFU! PIRATE! MY PSYCHE CANNOT STAND MUCH MORE!” “Look, what do you dumb-nuts want?” “Well, we originally came here to see if Hafu could wind-fly a Gukko, but after your description of what happened last time, I think that’s something we should veto-drop.” “Good. After all the idiots left to Ko-Koro for a peace meeting, we’re severely undermanned, and I don’t feel like putting up with any Kane-Ra manure today.” “Right. Is the Turaga here, by any chance? I need to ask him about getting a raise. Or a promotion! Or a raise AND a promotion!” “I said ALL the idiots, you pea-brain. And there’s no chance of you getting a raise OR promotion, considering your crippling acrophobia.” “What does acrophobia mean?” “It means he’s afraid of acrobats.” “No, it means he’s fear-scared of HEIGHTS.” “That’s vertigo.” “NO IT ISN’T. VERTIGO IS A MEDICAL CONDITION TO DO WITH YOUR EAR!” “You’re making that up. I should know, I’m a doctor.” “No you’re not! You have no qualifications!” “You don’t need them. I mean, I saved Hafu’s-“ “Taipu’s.” “That’s what I said. Taipu’s life. He had a stab wound in the chest, and I stitched that up in no time.” “You just covered it up with duck tape.” “My tummy still hurts…” “Oh stop your whining. You’re alive aren’t you? Look, Ahkmou’s still tied up back in Po-Koro, so there’s no way he can harm you again.” Meanwhile… “Now THIS is what happens when you try to use cheap low-quality rope to restrain a Po-Matoran. As in: escape.” ESCAPING IS AN ART FORM THAT IS WHY VILLAINS ALWAYS CREATE SUCH EASILY ESCAPABLE DEATH TRAPS
  19. Part 266: Course of Action “So, what now?” “Now, we head to the nearest Wahi that ISN’T Ta-Wahi or Ga-Wahi.” “Uh, we’re IN Ga-Wahi.” “Exactly. Which means already we’re failing our objective. Great job guys. If Mata Nui were awake, he’d probably fire us all.” “No, you moron, he doesn’t have to mention Ga-Wahi because we’re already IN it!” “You idiots could argue about the colour of the sky, couldn’t you?” “Of course not! Anyone can see that the sky is blue!” “Looks more like a turquoise to me…” “Seriously?” “Turquoise IS blue, dummy.” “No, it’s a shade OF blue.” “Exactly! It is blue!” “Nooo… it isn’t!” “To me it looks more like cobalt.” “The Karzahni is cobalt?” “Greyish-blue.” “That’s not a colour.” “Yes it is.” “Oi vey…” THEY ARE ALL WRONG THE SKY IS CYAN
  20. Part 265: Waiting for Klyma “How long is he going to TAKE?!” “How should I know? I’m a former mental patient! Of course, I now have the mind of a (more or less) sane person, but still. I do not envy this Agni fellow to be in my body.” “Agni is insulted.” “Oh shut up.” “Oooooh… my head… what happen-“ CLUNK! “That should keep her… him… whatever, out for a few hours. Actually, if I’m the sprit of a man in a woman’s body, does that make me man or woman?” “It makes you transgender, now be quiet. I’m formulating a plan to get us out of here!” “I thought the plan was to rush that slimy slimeball Klyma when he comes in here, and force him to NOT change us back.” “I know Klyma. He would probably be prepared, and even then, he’s not gonna change us back.” “Ah good-“ “He’s gonna kill us instead.” “WHAT?!” “He values his twisted experiments, pleasing his superiors and keeping his hotel’s reputation clean above everyone else, including his life and the lives of others. And if we were to get word of his experiments out, he would be able to do none of three. He would have no qualms with killing us.” “How would you-“ “*sigh*, It’s a long story. You’re gonna want to sit down for it and pay attention, because it’s very complicated and I only like telling it in short intervals.” SELF-PARODY
  21. Indeed. Am I referencing a past event because it chronologically takes place in the past, or a future event because storywise it'll take place in the future? Jaller was also called Jala, but nobody calls him that anymore. It's simply easier to call them by their newer names, if only because the old ones suck. Part 264: Yo-Ho-NOOOOOOOOO “This is a terrible idea.” “It’ll work, trust me, trust me.” “That’s what you said when you suggested we flay my skin and use it as a sail.” “It would have worked, trust me, trust me.” “Trusting you to concoct a rational plan is like trusting lava not to burn your flesh off.” “ENOUGH! DEPLOY THE MOTOR!” “Aye aye, captain!” “Put me down, you moron!” SPLASH! “Tahu, we cannot use Lewa’s elemental powers to steer the boat! You should be using mine instead! I CONTROL the water, for goodness sake!” “Trusting you to safely get us to land is like trusting water to be breathable.” “Actually, if we remove her incompetence from the equation-“ “Hey!” “-this is actually a good plan, compared to using Lewa as slave labour.” “So you DON’T want to see Lewa suffer?” “THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! I DEMAND SATISFACTION!” “I never said THAT, I’m just saying why can’t we-“ “Because my idea’s better. ACTIVATE THE MOTOR!” “AYE CAPTAIN!” “How are you going to-“ Onua grabbed Lewa’s tongue, stretched it out to absurd proportions, then he let go and it flew back into his mouth. Lewa then began shaking, and started using his power of wind to propel him and the boat towards dry land. “AH HA! IT WORKS! HAHAHAHAHAHHAH!” “I’m dreaming. Someone tell me I’m dreaming this-“ CRASH! The boat made it to shore, but happened to hit a particularly craggy rock. And of course… “YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!! WHY?! WHY ALWAYS THE SKULL???” “Mmmaaayyybbbeee we should never let Lewa control our vehicles. EVER.” “YES. LET’S DO THAT. WHAT YOU SAID.” THEN ALONG COMES THE AXALARA T9
  22. Part 263: Alcoholics are Funny “It’s getting dark. And considering the amount of alcohol I’ve been consuming I probably won’t remember tonight.” “So should we go over the defence plan now Turaga?” “Wha? Oh yes, defence thingy, whatever. Do that… thing… you mentioned… what were we talking about again?” “The plan is simple. We claim Vakama forced our hand, because he’s a terrible leader.” “Hear hear!” “What?” “I’m practicing my lines.” “Lines?!” “Yes. When you present your argument and finish your sentence, I’m supposed to yell: hear hear! You know, to make sure the audience is listening. And to tick off that inventor guy.” “What does that even mean?” “I don’t know.” “Seriously, lines!? This isn’t a play, idiot. It’s a carefully constructed counter-argument and conclusion for a corrupt and clueless circle of codgers.” “Dude, it’s a whole lot faster to just say play.” “But it’s NOT A PLAY.” “That’s not what he’s saying, vaguely orange fellow I don’t remember. He’s saying that it’s faster to say play than carefullconstruccotuenagrreuemascoosnsjdorroodoosodjcccididogersthing *hic*!” “Yes, but it’s NOT A PLAY!” “Still easier to say it is though.” “Shut up Hewkii, this doesn’t involve you.” “I feel pretty involved.” “Shouldn’t you be practicing for your next Koli game, SPORTSMAN?!” “Koli isn’t a sport. It’s an art. And a form of entertainment!” “Exactly, so it’s a sport.” “No it isn’t!” “Yes it is!” “No it isn’t!!!” “Yes it is!!!” “NO IT-“ “WHOA. I can see in doublevision! THERE’S TWO OF EVERYTHING! I HAVE TRANSCENDED TO ANOTHER PLANE OF EXIST-*belch*” “Um… what?” “Our beloved Turaga has now officially crossed the line between tipsy and hammered.” “Come on, you old stone. Let’s get you to bed…” “Salright Whenua… I can still take that one-eyed Steltian bast-*snore*” REFERENCING FUTURE EVENTS OR PAST EVENTS DEPENDING ON HOW YOU LOOK AT IT
  23. Part 262: Reviewing the Situation “OK, let’s review the situation. We’re trapped on a boat, a good way away from the coast. We have no way of moving the boat because the engine’s bust, and it’s too heavy to move manually. Now, since Lewa’s levitation isn’t flying, and is just “falling with style” as he so very often proclaims, and since GALI is the only one capable of swimming-“ “NO SHE ISN’T!” SLAP! “OW! STOP THAT!” “Any sane or smart person would have shut up by now? You? Totally not.” “What?” “You’re like the equivalent of a retarded Burnak. An ugly retarded Burnak. A disease-ridden ugly retarded Burnak. A smelly, disease-“ SLAP! “OW!” “What was that about shutting up? I couldn’t hear you over the sound of me SLAPPING YOUR STUPID SMUG FACE.” SLAP! “OW! YOU BLACK DEFORMED PIECE OF-“ SLAP! “OW! WHY ARE YOU-“ “Because I want a piece of the action. Also because I hate you, but you knew that.” SLAP! “OW! WHAT THE FU-“ “EVERYONE SHUT UP!” “…Fudge.” SLAP! “That’s it, you’re dead!” “You wanna attack the fire-wielding pyromaniacal-“ “I DIDN’T BURN DOWN LE-KORO!” “Sssure you didn’t.” “-insane hothead (pun intended)-“ “*groan*” “Oh yeah, like you’re one to talk. Or groan, rather.” “IT WAS MY EVIL TWIN! YOU’VE ALL SEEN HIM!” “I’m sorry, repeat that so my HOOK can hear you.” “-on a WOODEN BOAT. With no way of escape. Great plan, frosty.” “Now now, Tahu. You can’t blame everything on your imaginary friend. Or enemy. Whatever.” “Gali, your jokes are terrible. And your puns. ESPECIALLY the puns. In fact, I think your jokes are pretty much ALL puns.” “Call me that again and I’ll cut you to ribbons!” “HE’S NOT IMAGINARY! YOU’VE ALL SEEN HIM!” “Tahu, calm the HECK down. This quote EVIL TWIN unquote, may or may not exist, but is NOT someone you can blame for your mistakes. Karzahni, if you have to blame anyone, blame Onua.” “Yeah! Hang on a minute, wha-“ “And Kopaka, whadda gonna cut me with? Your rapier wit? YOU HAVEN’T GOT A SWORD, NUMBNUT! You left it in the gut of your evil twin!” “So HIS exists but MINE doesn’t?! WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING!? And give me some.” “Pohatu, that is a terrible word to throw around, and you should be VERY ashamed of yourself.” “I don’t get it. Have I been insulted? Should I FEEL insulted?” “What are you babbling about now, woman?” “Rapeiyer. Not a very nice word. Especially in front of Lewa.” “You realise I’m the same age as you, right?” “Not mentally. Shush, the adults are speaking.” “I SAID RAPIER YOU MORON, IT’S A TYPE OF SWORD!!!” “*sigh* This line of jumbled conversations has a been complete waste of time.” “For once, we agree.” “Says you. I found out two news ways to annoy you two. Claiming Shadow Tahu doesn’t exist, and calling you frosty. Life is gooooo-“ SLAP! “OW! OK, I guess I asked for-“ SLAP! “OW!” SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! “OW!!! STO-“ SLAP! SLAP SLAP! SLAP! “Ahhh…” “Mata Nui, I love stress relief.” WHAT A RELIEF A STRESS RELIEF BA-DUM TISS
  24. Part 261: Second-Degree Burn “So, he then sets it on fire?!” “Yes.” “…WWWHHHYYY???” “I don’t know. What’s really strange is that he didn’t expect it to catch fire.” “He didn’t think dry STRAW was flammable?!” “Nuhrii's an idiot. I thought we established that.” “That’s nothing. Tehutti once tried to get me to eat a sandwich he had secretly drugged with sleeping powder to make it look like I fell asleep on the job.” “Did it work?” “Karzahni no. I asked him if he had did that, he said he didn’t, took a bite out of the sandwich to prove he didn’t and then fell into a coma for eleven years.” “ELEVEN YEARS?! BECAUSE OF SLEEPING POWDER!?” “It was an overdose.” “…OK that makes sense.” “No, Kapura. No it does not.” “What do you mean?” “Sleeping powder, no matter how much there is, does not result in a coma.” “And how would you know? I have two degrees! Compared to me, you’re the equivalent of a toddler. Or a Secondary School Student.” “HOW DARE YOU!!!” “Sorry, that was uncalled for. I know. A POLITE Secondary School Student.” “That’s better.” “Wait, you have DEGREES?!” “Yes.” “Why is this the first time I’ve heard of it?” “Because I don’t like rubbing my achievements in people’s faces.” “Then what do you call fifteen seconds ago?” “What are these degrees IN?” “Inventology and technologyology.” “…That sounds fake.” “Doesn’t mean they’re not degrees though.” “YES IT DOES.” “What would you know? YOU don’t have degrees.” “You are the biggest stuck-up ever. You know that right?” BEWARE THE SWARM
  25. Part 260: Don’t Tell us You Need us, Cause We’re the Ship of Fools… In case you had forgotten, the Toa Mata were being held captive on a boat out on the shore, with a communication link to Makuta, and such, heard (most) of Part 258. “…OK… did anyone understand what just happened?” “Nope.” “You don’t understand ANYTHING, idiot.” “I understand more than you think, Commander Contrarian.” “WHAT.” “Hello? Hello! Does anyone read me? Anybody? Nobody? Nobody.” CLICK! BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-*explosion* The robot Ga-Matoran transmitting the message then exploded, and the bonds restraining the Toa retracted back into the boat.” “…Hmm. Convenient.” “TOO convenient!” DUN-DUN-DUN! “No, just regular convenient.” “OK… Gali’s the only one who can swim-“ “Since you have a Golden Mask, can’t you invoke the power of the Kanohi Kaukau-“ “That’s a ridiculous name.” “-and swim too?” “I SAID, before I was so rudely interrupted, that GALI’S the only one that can swim. Are we clear?” “…No. You can swim too, you just need the-“ SLAP! “OW! What the Karzahni’s wrong with you?” “AS I SAID, GALI’S THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN SWIM!” “Should we tell him that Tahu-“ “NO SHE ISN’T! YOU JUST HAVE TOO-“ SLAP! “OOOW!!!” “Heck no. I wanna see how long this lasts.” “AS I SAID, GALI’S THE ONLY. ONE. WHO. CAN-“ “NO! SHE ISN’T, ASHTRAY!!!” SLAP! “OOOOOOOOOWWW!” “I’ll grab snacks.” “We have no way off the boat, dummy.” … … … … … “WE GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE.” 01010011 01001100 01000001 01010000 00100001
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