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About Trijhak

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    Nuhvok-Kal Collapsed
  • Birthday 08/22/1996

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  1. Wow, BZP is different now. I don't know what to say, really.
  2. You ever just get that feeling where you are screaming, but not audibly so? That you're screaming on the inside?
  3. The Great Game begins, and it seems we are facing worse odds than ever, in a 'reality' bleaker than ever.
  4. Player Name: TrijhakCampaign: 2 - A Clash of BrothersCharacter Name: Pulse VattenGender, Age, Element: Male, 42, WaterPersonality: Not exactly the brightest, will do whatever he thinks is best even if to observers it looks to be an extremely poor course of action. Can be frustratingly insistent on doing whatever he desires to do to solve a problem, and not exactly the best at assessing the risks of doing so.History: Once he ruled Okoto as its king, ascended after the previous ruler was overthrown among increasing unpopularity. Pulse did not fare much better, being unpopular with the regions his predecessor was popular with and popular only with Water and Ice, now Agua Hielo. Fire - now Aodhiim - soured quickly due to his perceived misplaced sympathies with what is now known as Karamu. Despite said sympathies, he was unpopular with them too, having been one of the driving forces behind their burning. Thus he abdicated (what he calls it, when he was really overthrown) roughly 3 years ago, and since has mainly just assisted in the running of Agua Hielo.Greatest Fears: Losing control of himself - a fear he's never been able to identify the source of; having others not just dislike him but actively turning against him; losing his son.Greatest Dreams: Reuniting and ruling Okoto; ensuring nobody loses control; and ensuring peace.Ultimate Power: Were Pulse to regain his memories, he would seek out a way to destroy the Mask of Ultimate Power. It destroyed him once, and that must be repaid. Were he not to regain them, he'd be very hesitant and uneasy, and choose not to use it for any clear reason.Strength: 3Agility: 4Intelligence: 2Charisma: 1Player Name: Trijhak Campaign: 6 - The Watchers of WinterCharacter Name: Rilgivi NivisGender, Age, Element: Female, 31, IcePersonality: A proud, no-nonsense Protector of Ice, stubborn in her beliefs and often harshly judgemental of those she considers to be people against the good of the North, who cares about those under her command and tries to avoid needless sacrifice.History: Rilgivi Nivis was a relatively normal Ice Protector, enlisting into the army of the North and quickly rising up the ranks until she became fairly well respected in the North's army. Once, she was more important (as its General); and once found herself trapped in what proved to be a somewhat distressing experience (another side of the world). Now, she has a reputation for harsh punishments and a fanatical devotion to the North,Greatest Fears: Losing her soldiers, failing to protect the North, and being trapped with no chance of escape.Greatest Dreams: The ensured protection and safety of the North, to be entrusted with the protection of all Okoto, and the loyalty of those under her command.Ultimate Power: With the MoUP, Rilgivi would put herself as commander of the armies of an Empire of Ice across all Okoto and perhaps beyond, uncontested and iron-gripped in its rule, with all unthinkingly loyal to the Ice Region above all else, with harsh punishments for those who would even dare go against the Empire of Ice, and many benefits for those loyal to it.Strength: 4Agility: 2Intelligence: 3Charisma: 1 Player Name: TrijhakCampaign: 4 (5 or 3 if 4 is too full)Character Name: Virndrung VattenGender, Age, Element: Male, 21, WaterPersonality: Virndrung is steadfast and determined in his actions and beliefs, and knows when to bide his time and when to act - he's not line his father in that way, and won't just simply walk into obvious traps like his father may very well do one day. He, interestingly, also has sympathies for Kamuk - and has tried to work on forging an alliance between Kamuk and Agua Hielo, as he also harbours a dislike for Aodhiim for a reason he cannot place. In addition, he he has this empty longing for vengeance over something, yet it also simultaneously feels already filled and yet not. Despite his patriotism for Agua Hielo, he would also not turn down the right offer if it came from Kamuk - something familiar compels him to help Kamuk.History: Virndrung, being the son of the overthrown Pulse Vatten, has gone through some hardhsip. Once he was in line to be more or less king, now he's nowhere near it and not even the ruler of southern Agua Hielo. As a result, he's rather irritable, and doesn't really get on with his father - something about Pulse makes Virndrung's skin crawl, and Virndrung cannot pinpoint why. This sort of sabotaged his chances at being the ruler of Agua Hielo - where as once it would have been guaranteed, his strife with his father has caused him to be passed over. Instead, he was forced into diplomatic work (as well as given the objective of spying on other regions when possible - which, if found out, can also be used as the excuse that Virndrung is 'the black sheep' of the Vattens), which has proven to be a strangely good fit for Virndrung. In addition to all this, he has almost been involved in many altercations with representatives of Aodhiim, where there is much tension between him and them - he feels like Aodhiim once did something bad to Agua Hielo, hence his greater-than-usual antagonistic attitude towards them.Greatest Fears: Having no legacy; being disowned; Aodhiim conquering Agua Hielo.Greatest Dreams: Ruling Okoto and forging his own legacy - he is the Once-In-Line, Never-To-Be King; revenge on those who have wronged him; and the prosperity of his home - through whatever means necessary.Ultimate Power: Virndrung would insert himself as the uncontested, universally beloved - and feared - ruler of a united Okoto, and put his enemies and those who have wronged him in an eternal prison with eternal suffering. Aodhiim would be sunk beneath the waves, Karamu would go from domination under Fire to domination to Water; while the rest of the island (and beyond) would enjoy its incorporation into Agua Hielo.Strength: 1Agility: 3Intelligence: 4Charisma: 2
  5. Trijhak

    22 years

    22 years of existence on this 22nd of the month. Hmm.
  6. I will take a spot in Po-Koro, where all the other cool people are.
  7. I ran away from my problems for a very long time. At least since 2014. It probably didn't help - and in retrospect it helps contextualise some of my fears - that I did ask for help, only to get none over the course of almost two years around that same time. So instead I ran away from them, or distracted myself from them whenever and wherever I could, for as long as I could. If I couldn't get help, that seemed like the next best option. To just look away from it, and occasionally pretend it wasn't there. I distracted myself mainly through media and browsing the internet, often obsessively. The alternative was having to confront what - at the time, at least - could not be confronted. This obsessiveness doesn't come from that though, it merely only served to exacerbate the pre-existing obsessiveness I already had, being autistic. Rinse and repeat for years. Years in which I barely interacted with anyone, besides maybe a few scattered conversations here and there with some people, mostly because they were the one starting it. In other words, I isolated myself from most people if not all. Yes, I know I played many games here on BZPower. But that was just another manifestation of what I spoke of above: running away and distracting myself. It wasn't until half a year ago or so I finally stopped isolating myself. and thanks to that, and a lot of the people I met that helped me. They pushed me along those smaller steps you don't really have the strength to take alone when your thoughts are dominated by anxious ones. Hence where I am now: were it not for them I doubt I would have finally decided to stop running away from my anxiety. Though now that I've had that support, those small pushes, that foundation beneath one's feet... I fear, perhaps irrationally, that I'll lose it again, and then where will I be? Would I retreat back into isolation, or would I push forward yet still? But... hmm. Perhaps that fear is just another manifestation of anxiety, perhaps because I am finally taking steps against it. In a perhaps cringe-worthy metaphor, I'd say it's scared it's going to lose control. I think, if I were to disappear entirely at this point, a fair few people would miss me. I can't help but wonder, if I hadn't let my anxiety control me, where would I be now? But I guess there's no point in considering 'what ifs' and only being disappointed, there is still a future left unshaped and a past to heed.
  8. Thanks for hosting this, Tex. It was fun.
  9. Trijhak

    Some Hope

    Last week I finally went and got an appointment with a Doctor. It went better than I had feared. All things being well, very soon I'll be getting some form of counselling/therapy. I should have done it years ago, really. But that's the joke, isn't it. Not wanting help for often severe anxiety because said anxiety is telling you that you're better off with it or that you're faking it. I let so many things, so many people pass by because I was too anxious. Sometimes ending up with regret, other times apathy. A lot of things left unsaid, thousands of words typed out only to be deleted. Things that I wanted to say but didn't have the courage to. A few people I wanted to talk to and yet I just stopped. Even now, it's still hard to just talk, to articulate my thoughts. Still. Enough obnoxious self-pity. There are people I do talk to. I'm taking small steps against anxiety. A lot of people have shown me their support, some of it unexpected. I'm doing so much better than I was at the start of the year.
  10. I wouldn't be so cruel as to pit players against the Rahkshi and the Bohrok-Kal in the same season. Besides, I think I implied last season that the rahkshi were already dead. I legitimately just threw that symbol in because it looked cool, and fit nicely into that spot. I read these sentences with intense scepticism.
  11. Trijhak


    Don't worry, I'm finally trying to rip the anxiety out of myself and punch it in its metaphorical face.
  12. Trijhak


    It's like a loud voice in your head drowning out any other. It's the voice in your head twisting a reasonable course of action into one that seems unreasonable and unthinkable, while it makes you take an unreasonable course of action, because it's telling you that if you take the reasonable course of action, the worst possible scenario will happen. It's the voice in your head telling you to pity yourself, that you should be sorry for simply existing. It's the voice in your head telling you to isolate yourself, because if you don't others will judge you and hate you because it's telling you you're a terrible person who's wasting their time. It's the voice in your head telling that it's the only thing keeping you from being a worse person, that it's the only thing keeping you in check. It's the voice that demands you do what it wants loudly. I refuse. I have found that even though it drowns out other voices... there are some it cannot drown out, once you listen to them. Another, more confident voice, strengthened by the support of friends; emboldened by the knowledge of what one is capable of; and actualised by the desire to finally get rid of it. No more listening to that voice, which has interfered with so much, and helped never.
  13. Trijhak


    Not really, I often find myself crippled by my social anxiety.
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