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Last time I did this, it failed. So lets try again. It started one day in a large battle with the Toa Mata Vs. Bohrok...Lewa: "Toa Tahu, we are surrounded!"Tahu: "Excellent! We can attack in any direction we want!"Pohatu: "Well, works for me! "*Pohatu steps on a Gahlok and Kopaka freezes its Krana*Gali: "Brothers, let us remember why we fight"Tahu: "Yes sister. We fight for honor. We fight for justice. And we fight for VICTORY CAKE! "Lewa: "No one speak-told me of this 'Victory Cake' But I want ALL OF IT! "Gali: "Oh rly? "Tahu: "Ya rly"Onua: "Can I be in this episode? "Pohatu: "No. Get out."Kopaka: "Well, goodnight everyone! Chapter 2 coming soon!"*Kopaka gets a Tahnok thrown at his face*Onua: "Thats what you get for breaking the fourth wall!"Gali: "Where is a Tracker jacker nest when you need one? Seriously people..."Ceaser Flickerman: "The venom of a Tracker Jacker can cause powerful hallucinations "Katniss: "Ugh, don't remind me... Rue did not have the best idea there. Well, at least I am alive... PRESIDENT SNOW, Y U KILL MY SISTER??"Luke Skywalker: "This is NOT The Hunger Games!"Peeta: "This is NOT Star Wars either! But I love Star Wars..."Tahu: "SHUT UP!"Gollum: "We are trying to get this comedy to over 300 words! My precious word check... my precious..." Onua: "Now the little gray dude is breaking the fourth wall!"Lewa: "Enough with the quirrel-fight! Lets just see-watch a movie marathon!"Onua: "YAY!!! POPCORN! OH YEAH!! I WANT ALL THE POPCORN!!"*Katniss shoots Onua with an arrow to shut him up*Gali: "He he! " *Katniss shoots Gali with an arrow as well* Peeta: "This is why I love you Katniss" *Peeta leans in to kiss Katniss, but Tahu jumps in front of them* Tahu: "Ok, thats enough for tonight. Goodnight ladies and other ladies!" More chapters coming soon!
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Prologue Ring ring ring... ring ring ring... "Terry here! What do you want-" "TERIDAX." *Girly scream* "Oh, Berrikore, my best bud, my friendo, my BFF! How's it been?" "Let's cut to the chase. That moron, Mordahk, is raisin' Karz down here, and we're not sure what's going on." "What's he doing?" "A bunch of stuff is missing, nobody can find him, many of our men are dying of bizarre causes and the bacon's been burnt." "Funny how you should mention bacon in that bunch..." "He burnt our bacon, and WE KNOW IT! You gon' fix this or what?" "I'll see what I can do to fix it. Just send me the security tapes!" "You'd better, or I'll have your head. An' you know what happens to the heads of the people who anger me..." "Let me guess..." "...I CROUCH OVER 'EM!" "Oh. Uh... How can you live with yourself?" "I can, and I can live with your mom!" "That's terrible."
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Hello, and welcome to Deranged! Here is a fine assortment of mostly random and plotless comedy sketches featuring members of the community (with their permission) in whatever kit I feel like using! I'll be updating whenever the pretzel-sticks I want. That said, here's what we've got! Eljay in a Bottle Chief? Mangosteen strikes back! (part 1) Soran be Soarin' Perfect Predator (Mangosteen Strikes back part 2) Not so smart bomb (MSB part 3) Not Safe Fump Safety is Relative (Not Safe variation 1) Currently features Axilus, Eljay, Soran, Loganto, and myself. Spots open for ever. Just pm me a kit (preferably rayg). Also feel free to give me ideas for what to make in the following episodes! I'd like to thank innerrayg and Katuko for the sprites!
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Welcome! I've undertaken the project to write a comedic version of the BIONICLE storyline. I'll put up a character list a little later. I've gotten a few chapters written, and will release them one a day, to give me some time to write more. So without further ado, the funnies! Prologue – On a really sandy table with a couple pebbles Yo, peeps. Oh, Vakama. Could you at least try to sound old and wise? Fine. Umm… Gathered friends. Yes. That’s good. I like the sound of that. Gathered friends, I’m tellin’ you that story again, ‘kay? Vakama! Umm… Listen again to our… legend… of the… uh… Bioniwhatsit! BIONICLE! Yeah, that. A really really long time ago, which may or may not have been in a galaxy far, far away, Vakama, please. Alright, alright. In the… uh… In the time before time – Alright, how does that make any sense at all? Just go with it, Matau. It’s probably the best we’re going to get from him. The Great Spirit, Mata Nui brought us to this island. It was a nice place, and he was a pretty cool guy, so we named the place after him. I’m getting a little tired of reminding you that we’re supposed to be wise old leaders. Ah. Right. So anyway, his lil’ bro Makuta – I mean, his… brother, yes, brother, Makuta was jealous. Don’t ask me why. Anyway, he sang a really good lullaby to Mata Nui, who was out cold. What? We’re making most of this up anyway, and we never really “established” how MN got put to sleep. Whatevs. Anyway, these four really cool guys, one really cool girl, and one idiotic guy – Hey! What? It’s true! Anyway, they’re gonna come beat the karz out of Makuta and give Mata Nui a wake up call. That’s great. Can I smash these rocks now? Chapter 1 – A beach on an unknown island *A wave washes across the beach, depositing a strange, cylindrical object* *A lid pops off of the object and a pile of organic material and mechanical parts spill out. Whatever they were initially part of is still somewhat functional and manages to assemble itself.* Tahu: Unh. Where am I? Who am I? When am I? *He looks down at himself* What am I? Oh, this is gonna be great. Tahu: Who the karz are you? I’m the narrator of fire. My job is to explain to the audience how you got here and give you the answers to all those questions you were asking. Tahu: Audience? Oh. Yeah. Uhh… Sorry about the fourth wall, Author. Don't sweat it. I do that all the time anyway. Tahu: Uhh… Wasn’t this my comedy a moment ago? Ah. Right. Welcome to the island of Mata Nui! This place is inhabited by six tribes of little people called Matoran that are led by six slightly bigger old guys called Turaga, and sort of worship six really big people called Toa. Tahu: And where do I come in? You’re Tahu, Toa of Fire, Lord of the Majestic Flames, and all that. As such, everything fire-related here starts with “Ta.” You’re in Ta-Wahi, the section of the island dedicated to fire. You’re near Ta-Koro, the village of fire. This place is inhabited by Ta-Matoran the little guys of fire. They’re led by Vakama, Ta-Turaga, who’s the old guy of fire. You are the Ta-Toa. Tahu: *Begins to walk toward Ta-Koro* Right… So you said these people worship me, right? Sort of, but not really. They have this legend. The Great Spirit, Mata Nui, brought all the Matoran and Turaga to this island, where they could live in peace and prosperity. But Mata Nui’s “brother,” Makuta, was jealous of the respect they had for big brother. Tahu: What’s with the air quotes? Long story. Spoilers. Tahu: Ah, great. But how does this concern me? Makuta had evidently just watched Sleeping Beauty, so he decided to send Mata Nui into a deep slumber. He used infected Kanohi masks, yucky versions of the one on your face, to enslave all the Rahi, those are animals, on the island and began attacking the Matoran. The prophesy says that six mighty Toa will arrive on the island, defeat Makuta, and awaken Mata Nui. Tahu: And? Isn’t it sort of obvious? Tahu: What is? I guess it isn’t… You’re one of the six Toa. Tahu: Oh. Sorry if I’m a little slow on the uptake. I’m just glad I didn’t get stuck as the Narrator of Air. Tahu: Why’s that? Meanwhile, in Le-Wahi Lewa: So they worship me? Sort of, but not really. Lewa: They worship me. That’s not entirely tru – Lewa: Are there any cute girls of air? *Facepalm* Back in Ta-Wahi… Yeah, I got lucky. Chapter 2 – The approach to Ta-Koro *Several Matoran are hidden behind a log, looking at the long, narrow valley leading to Ta-Koro* Ta-Matoran 1: So yeah! Then I tell him, “What’s the matter, air-spitter, run out of treespeak?” Ta-Matoran 2: Oh man! That’s great! Jaller: Will you guys shut up? I think I see something. Tahu, further down the valley: So let me get this straight, as long as I’m aware of the danger, I can use this mask thingy to protect me from it? Pretty much. Tahu: Cool! Jaller: He’s shrouded in shadows. That means he’s either a friendly traveler that we’ll mistake for an enemy, or an enemy that we’ll mistake for a friendly traveler. Well, better safe than sorry. Activate the flimsy sticks that pop out of the ground in an almost cage-like formation but are completely useless! *The sticks pop up* Tahu: Wha? What the karz are these? *He gets out his convenient fire sword and cuts through the cage* Jaller: He broke through! We’ll have to throw our pointless disk thingies at him and brandish our awkward and somewhat pointy staffs! *Vakama comes out and starts bonking people on the head with his own staff* Vakama: Stop you fools, that’s Toa Tahu! Jaller: But Turaga! If we didn’t fight him, he would have actually turned out to be a rahi! *Vakama bonks him on the head* Vakama: Quiet, you.
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Legends of the Island By Flex Fiction This comic will be in a different style then your usual ones. It will be split into episodes and then different pages for each episode. I am also going to be trying to add some manga elements into it to give the characters some emotion and whatnot. More coming soon! Episode 1 Page 1 Page 2 Page 3 Page 4 Page 5 Random (Not part of the main story) Macku and Huki Credits Useless MNOLG Character and Background Things This shop/kit and everyone who has atributed to it so far.
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Okay, so the rules of this topic are simple. I post a short (still over 300 words) segment to begin, and give you (the readers) a few choices to pick from at the end of it. The first person to post has their choice selected, and the story continues in that direction. Unless you make a choice that kills you, in which case please refrain from swearing at the screen in anger. I will post a custom death message, and give you the previous choices that you didn't pick. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. Allons-y! ___________________________________________ A beach. You are standing on a beach of sand. Sand irritates you for some reason. Something about bathing suits. As you gaze out over the ocean, you see waves breaking over a coral reef. Beyond that, there's...nothing but water, really. You stare at it. Like, a lot. Stop staring. Seriously, stop. Oh for the love of-I already told you, there's nothing out there! Turn around! Thank you. Where am I? you wonder ponderingly, your mind full of hazy memories and week-old fish tacos. WHO am I? ...Tunabreath... Tunabreath? Was that your name? It seemed to fit, to make sense somehow. Like peanut butter, blended with chocolate. Of course, there really wasn't much ELSE that seems to make sense, so we haven't really gotten anywhere. You shake your head in frustration, as for some reason whipping your imaginary hair back and forth seemed to calm you down. How did you get here? Why couldn't you remember anything? Why do you always miss Taco Tuesday? Why?! WHY?! You glance towards the polished canister that brought you here, and notice several red components lying in the *shudder* sand. Upon closer inspection, you realize that you are looking at two flame-shaped sword pieces and a mask. You pick up the oddly marketable sword pieces and piece them together. Upon swinging the completed sword around, you realize that it's way too clunky. Not to mention it's a weird idea. Who would ever want something that you have to assemble before using? That's just silly. You then take a look at the mask. It looks odd, as if it had been slashed open three times in the cheek areas, with an odd sort of vent thing above the eyes. You decide to put it on and-HOLY CURIOUSLY AMBIGUOUS DEITY, THAT'S A LOT OF ENERGY! You could run a marathon in sweat pants with this thing on! Curious, you pick up the sword again. Far from feeling clunky, it feels lighter than air, and fits perfectly in your grasp, almost as if the sword was a set piece perfectly designed to slide into a matching socket on your hand! As you recklessly swing the sword around, accidentally decapitating multiple birds, you observe sparks coming out of the sword. As soon as you stop focusing on the sword, the sparks seem to stop. Intent on figuring this out, you put full concentration into the blade, and a stream of fire shoots out of it, setting alight the jungle next to the beach which I previously failed to mention because continuity. Do you: A: Call for help? B: Attempt to fight fire with fire? C: Do nothing because nature killed your family? D: Go out for Ice Cream? Once an answer is posted in the comments section below, I will continue the story according to what was chosen. (Also, for those of you who couldn't tell, this post is a parody of the first chapter of Bionicle Chronicles #1: Tale of the Toa.)
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This is my first comedy, enjoy! The Toa Nuva had always been enemies. No, Takua, not enemies as Good is with Evil, more along the lines of sibling rivalries. These are their stories of countless house-battles on who gets to turn on the TV first and why they need to go to bed on time. The List of Characters: Tahu, the fiery older brother Gali, the over-reactive second-oldest Lewa, the fun-loving 9-year old Onua, the geology nut Pohatu, the speedy one Kopaka, the No-nonsense, all work, no play guy The Turaga, the grandparents Mata Nui and his wife, Makuta, the tyranical and softie parents And YOU! The occasional Guest Star who gets thrown into the middle of all their fights. Wait, me? Who’s me? Oh, you mean ME, as in the narrator. Nothing really happens to me except the occasional--- Watch out! Lewa is using his dirty clothes as a mace! HEHEHE!!! OUCH! Bad Lewa! Well, we’d better get this over with before someone gets seriously injured . ROLE FILMS! PM Me if you want to guest star!
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Welcome to A BZComedy! This comedy has no point other than humor. Oh, and Bionicle sets taking over Antarctica. But that's not very important. Heave ho! _________________________________________ Chapter 1: Everybody loves Antarctica! A long, long time ago yesterday, there lived a bunch of Bionicle sets in a warehouse in the deserts of Utah. Now, you may wonder, how on Earth are these Bionicle sets alive, and why are they in the desert?! Good for you. -------------------------------- "I'm booored!" "I know." "I'm BOOOOORREEED!" "I KNOW! WE ALL KNOW! YOU'RE BORED!" Such was the conversation between Tahu Nuva and Lewa Mata on this otherwise calm afternoon. "Well, you haven't DONE anything about it!" Lewa said. "Why is this MY problem?!" Tahu shot back. "The rest of us are fi-" Tahu was interrupted by a scream followed by sounds of barking and chomping. "MOST of us," Tahu corrected. "MOST of the rest of us are fine." "Well, I DON'T feel fine!" "Believe it or not, the world does not revolve around YOU, Lewa." "Yes it does. Anyways, do you at least have any ideas?" "Good grief. I don't know, maybe we could take over Antarctica or something." And then, Lewa got an idea. A terrible, awful idea. Lewa got a wonderful, horrible idea. "Shut up, it's a good idea!"-------------------------------------- All of the Bionicle sets had gathered into the center of the warehouse after word had reached them that Lewa would be making an announcement. Lewa walked in and pulled out a soapbox from behind his back, then promptly stood on it. "Friends, fiends, and Jaller," Lewa began, "I have gathered you here today to make a very important anouncement, the likes of which hath never been uttered by man nor by plastic, by beast nor by fowl, by fish nor by nocturnal flying mammal, by Klingon nor by-" "Get on with it!" "Yeah, get on with it!" "YEAH!" "Okay, fine!" Lewa said. "You ever heard of Antarctica?" "Yes." Turaga Nuju said from the back of the crowd. "We're moving there." There was much yelling and confusion that followed. Streets were destroyed, shops burned down, and ice cream manufacturers shot down with flamethrowers. You gotta admit, they were able to squeeze a lot of stuff in that warehouse. "Calm down, everybody!" Lewa yelled. A sternum flew past Lewa's face. "I said CALM DOWN!" Two legs and a magnet flew past his right arm. "IF YOU PEOPLE DON'T SHUT UP IMMEDIATELY, SO HELP ME I WILL COME DOWN THERE, TURN YOU ALL INTO CHICKENS, AND MURDER YOU WITH MY AX SO I CAN HAVE FREE KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN FOR DINNER TONIGHT!" "You're a Toa of Air." Teridax said. "How would you fry us?" "We have internet access." Lewa stated. "There's enough flaming in video comments alone to burn down Mount Everest." "That's nice and all, but how do we control this crazy mob?" Tahu Nuva asked. "Oh, come on." Lewa said. "It can't be THAT bad!" A sudden scream burst from the inside the mob. "They're eating her! And then they're going to eat me! OH MY NUUUUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!" "Yes it can." Tahu said. "Whatever!" Lewa exclaimed. "It doesn't matter anyhow! We shall leave immediately for Antarctica, and whoever joins us, joins us! Bionicle sets, AWAY!"----------------------------------------------------- NEXT TIME: Bionicle takes over Antarctica! How will our heroes handle the ever-present threat of penguin attacks?! Stay tuned to find out!
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Inspired by SPIRIT's comedy's, I bring you... the Hero Factory Spoof series! Notes: The Indiana Jones movie mentioned is Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Mark Baldo directed the Hero Factory episodes and BIONICLE TLR. And Cole is a Ninja from Ninjago. Part 1: Introduction Announcer: This is the Zero... uh, I mean Hero Factory! Where the weakest and most out-of-date Heroes are built! Customized, with overused weapons and technology, for any mission! No matter where it takes them. When 5 epic villians strike, the most weak force against evil is ready! Zero Factory! We build Zeroes! Director: Say it right, or else! Announcer: But I like mine better! Brings a whole new meaning to it! Director: Oh, you little !! SAY IT RIGHT!! Announcer: Ok, that's a little harsh... Director: Oh, I know Announcer: *Whisper*I liked Mark Baldo better...*Whisper* William Furno: Uh, Mr. Director Guy, where do you want your cardboard cutout of Breez you use to practice your kissing skills? Director: William Furno: I'll leave it in the back with the hardrive that has the CGI model for me in XL form. Director: YOU BROKE THE STORYLINE CONTINUITY!! Announcer: Should I say it now, or what? Awkward silence as the Director works down his anger Director: Go right ahead... Announcer: Gathered friends... listen again to our legend... of the BIONICLE. In the time, before time, the Great Spir- Director: YOU LITTLE !! YOU'RE FIRED!! I AM NOT GOING TO HAVE LEGO LOOK LIKE A FOOL BECAUSE OF YOU AND YOUR TERRIBLE JOKES!! Announcer runs out in terror Director: And now back to our regularly scheduled program. Lets get on with it! I have to watch Indiana Jones find the Holy Grail! Awesome movie, right? Indiana Jones music plays in the background Director: Its on now? Hurry up! I don't have all day! New Announcer: Hero Factory! We build Heroes! Cole: I am a Ninja! So, how are things in this LEGO theme? Director puts his Cole minifigure on his shelf as the screen fades to black
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The Good Judgment of Madame the Virgin Mary (scene: The palace of Justice, Paris, 1482)Gringoire: Oh my, the crowd is getting restless!Actor 1: What are we going to do? We’re supposed to wait for the Cardinal.Gringoire: Yes, but if we offend him by starting early, we’ll be hanged.Actor 2: So we wait, then.Gringoire: [pacing] Yes, but then we’d be hanged by the people.Actor 1: Well make up your mind then! We’ve got to do something. I can hear some of them building makeshift nooses already.Gringoire: Alright! Alright! Just give me a moment to think of something.Actor 2: When you say “alright”, are you saying it like “all right”, as in with two L’s and a space, or like alright, as in one L and no space? The second is more grammatically correct.Gringoire: That’s not helping.Actor 1: Yes, you’re not helping. Besides, we’re talking in French.Actor 2: Oh are we? But the script is in English.Actor 1: Well it’s hypothetically in French. As in, the dialogue is in English for the sake of the audience but it’s actually in French.Actor 2: Now how does that work?Actor 1: Actor 2, use your brain! We are fictional characters in a translated work! It just works that way. If it really bothers you, just speak in a ridiculous French accent and for all intents and purposes you’re speaking French.Gringoire: Are you quite done breaking the fourth wall yet? I find that type of humor so unsophisticated.Actor 1&2: Yes sir.Gringoire: Now back to my pacing. Think think. Think think. Think think. Alright, I have it. [steps forward, pulling up Actor 1 and hiding behind him] Sirs and Madams, you know that I love the people of Paris! As a matter of fact, I love you so much that I would hate to keep you waiting for the sake of one person, so we’ll start the play. [steps back]Actor 1: What was that for?Gringoire: When the Cardinal arrives, I don’t want him to know that I’m the one who decided to start the play early. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to pretend I have nothing to do with this production. Now get this done, Actor 1. You too, Actor 2.[Exit Gringoire. Enter four more actors labeled Clergy, Nobility, Trade, and Labor]Actor 2: See you later, PierreActor 1: Messieurs the Bourgeois and mademoiselles the bourseoises, we shall have the honor of declaring and representing before his eminence, monsieur the cardinal, a very beautiful morality which has the title The Good Judgment of Madam the Virgin Mary. I am to play Jupiter. His eminence is, at this moment, escorting the very honorable embassy of the Duke of Austria; which is detained, at present, listening to the harangue of monsieur the rector of the university, at the gate Baudets. As soon as his illustrious eminence, the cardinal, arrives, we will begin…or rather not.Actor 2: That’s right, we’re here for you.Actor 1: And so let us bring upon the stage our three principle forces…blah blah blah blah blah blah.Actor 2: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.Actor 1: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.Actor 1&2: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.[enter Victor Hugo]Hugo: Hello, I’m just dropping in from the nineteenth century looking for ideas for a book. What have we got here?Actor 1&2: Blah blah blah...[ad infinitum].Hugo: I see [writes down notes]. If you don’t mind, I find this extremely boring. This will probably be skipped over in my book. How long is this prologue going to take?Actor 1: Blah blah blah blah blah – Clergy – blah blah blah blah – Nobility – blah blah blah – Trade – blah blah – Labor – blah.Hugo: Alright, I got the part about Clergy, Nobility, Trade, and Labor. After that monologue, even the dimmest of audience members could guess who each character was supposed to represent. The labels on your shirts aren’t helping with the subtlety. I’m not sure if I agree with your brand of art.Actor 1: No wait, by “alright” do you mean “all right” with two L’s and a space or “alright” with one L and no space?Hugo: [facepalms] Forget it, I’m getting out of here.END- For most who read Hunchback of Notre Dame, this is surely the most memorable moment. That's probably because it's in the first chapter (book) and it gets extremely difficult to read after the second chapter. So when I had to write something based off of the latest book I supposedly read, this is the subject matter I came up with.Embedded in the work is an inside joke that isn't readily apparent to those outside of the original intended audience. The most prominent of these is the reference to the commonly misspelled phrase "all right", which we were discussing in class the other day.Your Honor,Emperor Kraggh
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So as I've recently taken back my interest in BIONICLE after a year or so...and come back to BZPower for the time being, I realise a lot of new interests and changes in my life that have happened without any blog updates or anything of course SO! Why not just make a random blog entry about everything before my perks vanish? First off, I have moved out of my parents' house. That was around June 10th of last year. I now live with fellow BIONICLE and Doctor Who enthusiasts who I've been friends with for years. Which brings me to the next item on the list.... DOCTOR WHO! I finally started watching Doctor Who, I believe it was, early last year or late 2011. After moving out I got my roommates into it and now it's enjoyable to talk about with friends since I'm not the only one who knows what the heck I'm talking about lol I have to say David Tennant is easily my favorite...though Matt Smith is pretty good...but just not David Tennant. Since coming back here (which originally was just to post a meme of the Doctor in 3d glasses that I made ), I picked back up on my comedy writing. I've missed writing my high school comedy for some time now...but just never had the inspiration to continue it. I hate leaving things unfinished and I've always wanted to end it with about 40 chapters or so. I'd love for anyone to read it and give feedback as to whether it's still the quality (if you can call it that ) that it used to be and holds up against the previous 20 chapters. Constructive criticism and pointers are always a huge help and much appreciated! LINK! I love writing and would love to go back to my other writings outside of fanfiction, but with work and everything I can't find the time or inspiration without feeluing rushed to go back to originals. I would LOVE to kick start "Stupid People!" again. I had only 8 comics made last year lol They were uploaded on another popular social site...but since I didn't update frequently enough, I figured it'd be pointless for a topic of them to be continued here, 'cause it'd get closed before I'd update with another comic. Along with coming back ehre though, I've started reading Makuta's Guide to the Universe and using the BIONICLE encyclopedia to refresh myself while I continue my comedy writing. Makuta's is such a great book. I watched the first BIONICLE movie last night with my roommate and after work tonight I think I'll grab the other 3 from my parents' house. As far as just life goes, just working a lot at Target, still my epicly single self , was promoted to assistant front end supervisor and I have an interview coming up for the actual supervisor position. Christmas went great, I'm now an uncle for the 4th time as well lol, and my brother just recently bought Minecraft for the Xbox so I've just been playing that with him on my free time at night. Plenty of other random things have happened throughout the last year, but that's a good summary of it. One last note, I do transport myself everywhere my my blue '99 Plymouth Neon. So anyway, I realise the only blog, well personal blog, I've ever had, and it's on BZP But also, remember disco is in this year! -Jordboy1
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Soooo after only a year and 2 months...I finally have the next chapter up in my comedy, Mata Nui High School If you'd like to check it out and let me know what you think, that'd be great! Until then, remember disco is in this year! -Jordboy1
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It started one day in a large battle of the Toa Mata Vs. Bohrok...Lewa: "Toa Tahu, we are surrounded!"Tahu: "Excellent! We can attack in any direction we want!"Pohatu: "Well, works for me! "*Pohatu steps on a Gahlok and Kopaka frezzes its Krana*Gali: "Brothers, let us remeber why we fight"Tahu: "Yes sister. We fight for honor. We fight for justice. And we fight for VICTORY CAKE! "Lewa: No one speak-told me of this 'Victory Cake' But I want ALL OF IT! "Gali: "Oh rly? "Tahu: "Ya rly"Onua: "Can I be in this episode? "Pohatu: "No."Kopaka: "Well, goodnight everyone! Chapter 2 coming soon!"*Kopaka gets a Tahnok thrown at his face*Onua: "Thats what you get for breaking the fourth wall!"Gali: "Where is a Tracker jacker nest when you need one? Seriously people..."Ceaser Flickerman: "The venom of a Tracker Jacker can cause powerful hallucinations "Katniss: "Ugh, don't remind me... Rue did not have the best idea there. Well, at least I am alive... PRESEDINT SNOW, Y U KILL MY SISTER??"Luke Skywalker: "This is NOT The Hunger Games!"Peeta: "This is NOT Star Wars either! But I love Star Wars..."Tahu: "SHUT UP!"Golum: "We are trying to get this comedy to over 300 words! My precious word check... my precious..."Lewa: "Enough with the quirrel-fight! Lets just see-watch a movie marathon!"Onua: "YAY!!! POPCORN! OH YEAH!"*Katniss shoots Tahu with an arrow to shut him up*Gali: "He he! "More chapters coming soon!
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My sig links to the archive version of The Krika Show. However, I will begin posting up all of the episodes again. Please note that some will be heavily outdated, as they are years old.IntroductionKrika: Hello everyone, *sigh* Welcome to my new Talk Show. Where I basically do multiple activities…including an “Ask Krika” column, interviews with your favorite Bionicle…erm…people, and anything else I can come up with! I’m your host, with some other people helping me. Guys?Stars Rahkshi: Hai guyz! I’m Krika’s son, Stars Rahkshi!Krika: That’s supposed to be a secret, you cool dude!SR: Oh….sorry!Chirox: *sigh* And I thought Rahkshi were supposed to be as intelligent as their creators. Hello, subordinates! I am Krika’s assistant for this…depressing show, and I look forward to seeing you all BOW TO ME!!!Krika: *ahem*Chirox: Oh, I mean, have a wonderful time!Krika: So, to begin, I will have an Ask column! Yay!*cricket chirps*K: And you people wonder why I cry! *sobs, and bursts into tears*C: Ugh! First question!“Dear Krika,I’m sorry for killing you back in the story! Will you forgive me?-Gorast”Krika: Oh Gorast, we were purely acting! I mean, none of it really matters right?*hears the weeping of a thousand Krika fan boys in the background*SR: Actually, dad, it’s worse than we thought!Krika: Oh….*burst into tears* Next question!“Krika,Your incompetence is of no benefit to me; therefore, I will no longer finance your show, or support it in any way shape or form! Good day to you sir!-Teridax”Chirox: But, that’s not a-Teridax *voice booming from all sides* I SAID GOOD DAY!Krika: Great! Now with no funds, where will the show go? What am I going to do? Why is life so hard for me?! *burst into tears once more*SR: He keeps this up, he’ll go ghost!Chirox: Whoa, whoa whoa. No Danny Phantom references, it is bad taste! Well guys, I believe this is the end, since we’ve gone over the word count! Tune in for more-Krika *screams* NO! I’m the host of the show, so I end it! ME!!! *ahem* So tune in next time to “The Krika Show”, and enjoy a joyous time…because you never know when your comrades might betray you, or your species will lead themselves to destruction, or your leader will make you explode! *he cries***End of introduction.
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Hey look, a comedy by your friendly neighborhood Rift Commander! Anyway, this is more of a side project to my current MAS, Rift. Hopefully I can make this thing a 5 days a week comic. Here goes my pride... 1) Cars (see what I did there?) 2 Pimp my...comic? 3 Empty space 4 Gideon Truth Saga 1: Paranoia 2: Fleshie 3: Flashback 1- Creation 4: Awkward 5: New power Fillers OVER 9000!!! FOOLISH FLESHIE! PGS'es Soran Bulik (By kidnapping...but still) Demon Jester aka Taka Nuvia (Also by kidnapping) Toa Piraka Hakann Malignus Credits: Soran Gerlicky Dark709 some others...I'll get their names soon enough
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Cellblock 5397C* * *The turbolift doors of Cellblock 5397C aboard the Death Star opened.The Imperial officer at the prison section’s computer looked up. His back stiffened as the two stormtroopers and Wookie entered. “I wasn’t made aware of any new prisoners,” he said, his tone as prim as his black uniform.The taller stormtrooper shrugged. The shorter one offered, “Prison transfer from... ah... cell block one-nine-eight-two-A to cell back five-three-nine-seven-C.”The officer keyed for a list of prisoners; his lip twisted. “I see no such transfer logged.” His hand was now on the butt of his blaster.The taller stormtrooper canted his head. “Superiors. You know ‘em.”“I am one,” responded the officer.He promptly fell to the floor when a shot struck him in the chest.The other stormtroopers in the room were caught off-guard; their blasters’ panicked responses struck the metal walls about the Wookie as he charged and slammed one into the wall. His companions made short work of the other guards, the bright shots making their faceplates iridesce.When the last stormtrooper fell, the taller newcomer tore off his helmet. “It was stuffy in there,” protested Han Solo.“Suck it up,” Luke Skywalker told him, leaving his own helmet on. He hefted his blaster and walked to the entrance into the prison area proper. “I’m going to find the Princess. You stay here and keep guard. I’ll holler if I need anything.”“Try not to holler,” Han called back and leaned in the officer’s seat, propping his legs on the computer monitor.Rolling his eyes, Luke advanced down the corridor. Stark metal hovered in his peripheral vision; the black lettering above each cell door was nearly indecipherable in the dark, and so Luke’s progress was slow. The Force must have abandoned him for the moment, for the very last cell Luke checked was the one for which he had searched. He pressed the door release, imagining the Princess’s gratitude, and took a step across the threshold before realizing the Princess was not lying on her metal bunk.A blow to the back of his head pushed him to his knees. His blaster was torn from his grip, his head slammed against the metal floor with a clang, his arms pulled behind his back with such pain he yelled. He was pushed roughly to the floor, his arms still pinned behind him; an arm wrapped around his neck and a weight pressed upon his back.“Blasted stormtrooper,” said a feminine voice.“I’m — not the bad guy!” Luke gasped.“Sure you aren’t.”She pushed harder. Luke tried to keep his tears pent — what would Han say? — but the pain stung his eyes.“I’m serious!” he insisted.“That’s what they all say.” Luke’s arms were released and the pressure removed, but before he could exhale in relief, the click of a loaded blasted emanated from somewhere to his right. He looked in that direction; Leia glared coldly back at him. “Don’t. Move.”“That’s fine,” Luke sighed. “I like the floor. Much more cozy than the escape ship waiting in the hangar for you, because, you know, I came here to rescue you...”Leia shook her head. “I’m not falling for your tricks. Now give me your armor.”“My — my what—?”“Do it!”Luke hesitantly removed his helmet.At this moment, Han conveniently poked his head into the doorway. “Doggone it, kid, I told you not to holler—” A blaster bolt from Leia forced him to duck back under cover. “The heck? Your Highness, if you didn’t notice, we’re here to rescue you.”“Vader is full of tricks,” hissed Leia. “I’m not trusting anyone who wears stormtrooper armor, and you can’t tell me otherwise. Now get in here.”Han emerged from behind the doorframe, his hands behind his head in surrender. “I don’t see where you’re going with this...”“Get on that bunk.” She jabbed with her blaster then peeked out the doorway. “Good, no one else— My goodness, what is that? — a walking carpet?”“Yep,” Han said through his smirk. “Mine.”Leia wrinkled her nose and raised her blaster. The distinctive warble of a stun blast echoed through the corridor; Han snarled and started forward, only to be stopped by Leia’s raised weapon and eyebrows. Beeeeep.“Cellblock five-three-nine-seven-C, this is Imperial Command. What has happened to your men? Please respond.”Han swore. “They’re coming, Princess. Let’s jet. Quick-like.”“...not enough time,” Leia murmured to herself. Then she looked up. “I’ll be sure to do that, sir.” Leia smiled brightly and stepped out of the cell. Han realized what she was about to do a split-second before she pressed the door close button.“Princess, that’s not a good idea—!”The door closed before her face like metal curtains.Han flung himself against the door, his yelling punctuated by the impact of his fists on the stubborn metal. “PRINCESS! LET — US — OUT!”Luke had already resigned himself to the bunk on the far wall. “It’s no use, Han,” he said. “We’re stuck here.”The muscles along Han’s jaw throbbed with fury, but his voice belied the fire in his eyes as he turned. “Your fault, kid.”“I didn’t know she would lock us in here!”“With women, expect the unexpected. FYI, I call dibs on the bed.”Luke shifted. “It’s not much more comfortable than the floor.”Han grunted in reply. A chorus of blasterfire rang outside the door, and he resigned himself to the fact that he would be getting no reward. * * * * * I wish I had made this more humorous, but I couldn't think of how to include more jokes whilst keeping the story some dignity, so this is it. Comments and criticism are appreciated, especially because this is the first time I've written fan-fiction prose comedy.
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It’s a brand new day, and the evil Doctor Drake, notorious holder of a Ph. D in Matoran-era history, walks up to the general bulletin board in the center of New Atero, armed with his trusty hammer, an extra large Skall knife, and a challenge painted in bright red letters. HISTORICAL CHARACTER RECLASSIFICATION NOTICE Character: Makuta Teridax Class: Honorable Hero (Challenges to this reclassification are invited to meet me in my office in twenty minutes) Doctor Drake Lawyer: That’s bad PR. You’ll be dead in twenty minutes. Doctor Drake: Not if I can prove it. (Twenty minutes later, the six Toa Nuva appear in the Doctor’s office, not withstanding Tahu, looking especially irritated, and Vezon, because he likes the Doctor for some reason not worth mentioning) Doctor Drake: You have come to answer my challenge? Tahu: Yes. Teridax was a murderer! Doctor Drake: Well, he murdered a bunch of Makuta who were rooting the minds of innocent Matoran in Kini Nui, and a few hundred Rahkshi that he created. Of course, that was to defeat the evil Voporak, so I’m willing to excuse his personal self sacrifice. Gali: Not to mention a boatload of Rahi and Matoran. Doctor: Which are not further infesting this planet, contributing to more than their share of problems for the native inhabitants. Tahu: Such as? Drake: Overpopulation, for one thing. Gali: How dare you! Teridax nearly killed the Great Spirit Mata Nui! That would have nicely solved your overpopulation problem, you scoundrel! Drake: He also waylaid the Barraki with his own attacks, allowing the valiant Toa Mahri to send Matoro to save Mata Nui’s life. Lewa: Just so he could take the robot over. Drake: Which allowed the Great Spirit to arrive here, and power up the hunks of junk in the desert, which further facilitated the restoration of this planet. Lawyer: You are insane. Drake: Excuse me? Lawyer: No, I was talking about him. (He points to Vezon, who is enthusiastically nodding along with everything Drake says) Onua: You forget that he caused needless pain and hardship for countless beings, not to mention unnecessary deaths. *looks at Gali* Vezon: I did? Onua: (Ignoring Vezon) He also is responsible for my fellow Toa’s …transformation…due to the insidious Rahkshi armies. Drake: In other words, he built up your character to lead the Matoran on this planet, to prepare you. I would expect nothing less from such a great leader. I am sure your final test – he gestured to Tahu – will further benefit you in ways unexpected. Vezon: Thank You. Pohatu: What are you trying to gain by this? Teridax is dead. Drake: It is not wise to speak ill of the dead. Vezon: I’m not dead! I’m not dead! Lawyer: We know. Tahu: For the sake of peace in our society, you are under arrest. Drake: I am simply a conscientious objector. You have no right to arrest me. Lawyer: And what point would that serve, other to create unnecessary hassles on my client, sir? Drake: Well, he is part Makuta. Vezon: I’m not dead. I mean, he’s not dead…wait… Pohatu: I think we need some time to think this over. Agreed? He looks around questioningly at the irritated Toa. One by one, they stomp out the door, Tahu smashing the threshold in raw fury. Vezon follows. A few seconds later, a Spiket cart charges past, nearly running over the Skakdi. At the last second, he flips out of the way. Vezon: I’m not dead! Drake: And neither am I. Lawyer: It’s a good thing I didn’t bet on that one. So who’s next on the list? Mata Nui? Drake smiles menacingly. Drake: No, pal. Remember, the Great Spirit is off limits. His flaws have already been categorized by the Authority on such matters. But as for the next challenge…that is for me to know, and you to not find out. He settles back in his chair, deep in thought. Doctor Drake sits up in his chair. fishers64: So you’re going to answer a few questions about this comedy. Drake: Isn’t that your job? Lawyer: It’s my job! I’m head of public relations! fishers64: Very well. The Lawyer will now answer questions relating to this comedy. Can I guest star in this comedy? Lawyer: It’s an extremely dangerous proposition, but you may enter the highly dangerous world of this comedy to defend your favorite character from the tyranny of the Doctor. While I would advise against this, opposite rules apply. You may choose to defend your favorite hero from being classified as a villain, or you may try to prove that villain is really out to destroy the world. How often will this comedy be updated? Lawyer: As soon as the Doctor can come up with a new challenge, which usually takes about a week. However, if a lot of people are attacking his positions, he usually tends to accelerate matters. (And for some reason, fall weather makes his mind slow down – I haven’t quite figured that out yet) Are there any specials planned for this comedy? Lawyer: That’s a question for our humanoid liaison. fishers64: Maybe if we get a lot of guest defenders for a particular character, we’ll do something special. Other than that… Doctor: That is for me to know, and you not to find out. fishers64: We have to tell them about K- *Doctor slaps hand over fishers64’s mouth* Okay! Okay! Fine, I guess that wasn’t part of the contract. Lawyer: No, it most certainly was not. fishers64: If you dare, join us next time on Spinning Doctor Drake! *looks at Doctor and the Lawyer* We’re all right…kinda.
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Warning: DO NOT READ if you have not seen Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows. It will ruin for you what would have been the best cinematic scene of all time. If you have, know that I am not liable for any loss of sanity, laughing injuries, or lack of comprehension re my occasionally obscure humor. A Game of Ponies "A five minute game?"A bearded man took a seat across the table with a sardonic camber of his lips. "If you think you can manage it.""Ladies first," the other offered in his deep, breezy voice.A smirk. "Perhaps your queen would avail herself of that chivalry . . . provided she were still with us." The first pawn advanced."Cold." He made his own first move."This is Switzerland.""I meant figuratively."The bearded man sent out another piece. "You do not need to define satire.""Do I not?""Yes.""Then I will stay my dictionary." Regarding the board, he moved a second pawn. "We both have two bishops. I may be absent from the room, but my methods are not."A smile curved behind the beard. "You can't mean Dr. Watson, surely." But the other remained suggestively silent. He frowned and said, "That doesn't seem fair.""All's fair in love and war."A white pawn took black. "And how does this pertain to the former?""We both love war." The black-haired man grinned. He replaced the white pawn with a knight. "The ambassador that you replaced with Rene, is he alive?"Wordlessly his opponent moved a bishop and touched the clock. He suggested with mocking pity, "Would you like me to recommend your next move?""Perhaps the assassin," the other went on, making his counterattack, "will take measures to ensure he doesn't give himself away. Like a gambler concealing a tell."The clock was ticking. "Your clock," the bearded man observed, "is ticking."I hate it when they do that."May I remind you," he went on, "this is blitz chess. A single miscalculation will cost you the game.""She would have to be single or she would not be Miss Calculation, but I fail to perceive the pertinence to costing me my game.""Don't you?""Yes.""Indeed, then." The bearded man leaned back in his chair, smiling like a cat would over a mouse if a mouse could smile.His adversary scrutinized the chessboard as he continued, "Maybe it's less obvious. A nervous tic. A flutter of anxiety.""I imagine everyone has a reason to be nervous tonight.""Sweaty palms. Excessive batting of the eyelashes.""The marks of the inexperienced coquette.""Or of a man who knows he will lose.""Do not worry, all you need is practice. In a few years you will be able to compete with a trained monkey, I should think.""You are speaking to yourself aloud.""A monkey you may be, but trained, hardly."The black-haired man stroked his chin. "So perhaps it's the opposite.""You're an untrained monkey?""The opposite of anxiety. In fact, a failure to behave naturally. An actor so consumed with his performance that the one characteristic he cannot accomodate . . . is spontaneous reaction.""I note that most actors fail to accomodate intelligence when they are pretending to display brilliance."Above the roar of the falls they heard a crash, followed by a gunshot and cries seeping through the ballroom doors."Then your actor, it would seem, failed there as well." The black-haired man frowned. "That doesn't bode well, does it?""Seems your bishop was of some benefit . . . after all.""The game is still young.""Actually, it's in its adolescence.""Do not change the subject to an inexplicably anthropomorphic pony's incongruously animalian pet cat. You merely present yourself as ignorant.""I don't believe Opal Essence has yet been concocted as a character.""Then perhaps I will concoct her myself and launch a toyline to accompany her. With it, perhaps, I can corner the market on toys.""You see? Avarice is withis us all. Hidden within the unconscious we all desire global takeover, even if merely . . . economic.""My toys will be better than yours.""Mine will be bigger.""Mine will be cuter.""Mine will blow yours up."The black-haired man blew a raspberry. "What girl wants to play with explosive devices?"A woman's cries rent the air. The bearded man remarked, "I think you've just lost your most valuable piece.""So you think I did.""I know you did.""I know you think you know I did.""I know you know you think I think I know you did."If you couldn't follow that, don't feel bad; I could, but that's only because I'm a genius."Don't think I could not follow that and retaliate." Said the black-haired man, fellow genius. "But that would protract this game needlessly. Suffice to say that a winning strategy sometimes necessitates sacrifice. A war has been averted."A grunt. "Oh, I disagree.""How so?"The bearded man smiled and cocked an eyebrow. "Didn't you find it strange that the telegram you sent didn't inspire any action to stop me? You see, it is as I said: Hidden within the unconscious is an insatiable desire for conflict. So you're not fighting me so much as you are the human condition. All I want to do is own the bullets and the bandages. War on an industrial scale is inevitable." He suddenly looked the man across the table up and down with curiosity. "We are not so different, you and I. We are both intelligent. If we combine our commercial ambitions we can corner the market on both weapons and toys, and develop, perhaps, a fusion thereof for the young boys.""An intriguing proposal.""Together, we could rule the world as father and son. Well, that depends. How old are you?""Pudding and tame. Ask me again and I'll tell you the same.""Then I am tame-and-pudding years your elder. We could rule the world as metaphorical father and son, mentor and pupil. With my deviousness, my brilliance, my charm, my good looks, my brilliance----"""You said that already.""I am doubly brilliant. Where was I? And also with my vast resources and fortune, coupled with your--your--ah . . ." He broke off thoughtfully. "Then again, you have nothing to supplement. Consider the offer void." He seized the chessboard and, balancing the pieces carefully, carried it to the railing. He then threw it over the falls. "There. I win."As he walked away, the black-haired man said casually, "Bishop takes knight. Check.""The game is over. The board is gone. You should get that shoulder looked at."So was the response, "About that fortune of yours." The bearded man halted wearily. "I believe it's just been substantially reduced."Without turning, he said, "King to rook two."And so the black-haired man began his spiel. "I attended several of your lectures. Frightfully dull and minimally instructive. But it was in Oslo that I learned at last something of interest, when I first caght a glimpse of your little notebook, red leather-bound from Smythson of Bond street. Rook to king's rook three." He looked up and said pointedly, "Check."His opponent stroked the compact form in his breast pocket. He half-turned and smiled. "Bishop to rook three.""Its importance was not fully apparent to me until I observed your penchant for feeding pigeons. Like Nero feeding his lions. Only lions are feline, and birds are avian. And Nero was Roman and far less conceited. And his empire was far . . . smaller. It occurred that even you must keep a record of it somewhere." He rose. "Bishop takes bishop."The breaded man strode closer with that same sardonic smile. "Rook to bishop four.""I then only required the notebook itself. You didn't make it easy. I would need to endure a considerable amount of pain. But the notebook would undoubtedly be encoded, so how to break the code? Rook takes rook.""Pawn takes rook.""Bishop to bishop seven.""Excellent move. For a trained monkey.""It takes one to know one.""Touché.""Touché touché.""Queen takes knight pawn.""what next--wait, I'll save that dramatically. Does The Art of Domestic Horticulture mean anything to you?""The is a definite article, and then art is a noun meaning----""Stay your dictionary.""No, it is a skill or ability.""I was not defining art.""You do not need to define your satire.""Do I not?""Yes.""Indeed, then. I wondered; how could a man as meticulous as you own a book such as The Art of Domestic Horticulture yet completely neglect the flowers in his own window box? Irony abounds.""It has throughout.""Touché.""Touché touché."The bearded man reached slowly into his pocket and withdrew the red leather-bound notebook from Smythson of Bond street."Never mind, it's safe." The other man tapped his forehead. "In here"--he fingered the other man's skull--"and in there."The gloved hands of the bearded man flipped through the red leather-bound pages of the notebook from Smythson of Bond street, revealing a doodled cartoon depicting a man running amok with a can of gasoline and the constant "ha ha ha"s of his deranged laughter."The most formidable criminal mind in Europe has just had all his money stolen by a most misfortunate fire . . . along with half of London. And one of my eyebrows." He rubbed the hairless skin ruefully. "Bishop to bishop eight. Discover check." He placed a pipe between his teeth. "And, incidentally, mate." He reached into a pocket and withdrew a lighter. "I seem to have injured my shoulder. Would you mind?"They stood now face to face. The bearded man grinned and said, "Be my pleasure." He removed the cap and went on, "Once we have concluded our business here, it's important you know I shall endeavor to find the most creative of endings for the doctor. And his wife.""And let us both endeavor to find the most creative of endings to this story. And this life."The two men stared into one another's eyes. The calculations running through their minds were swift and decisive. They both arrived at the same inevitable conclusion."Let us not," the bearded man observed aloud with a grin, "waste any more of one another's time. We both know how this ends.""Indeed. Ponies will trump guns on the market beyond a doubt.""Very true." A sigh. "I will just have to do something about that, then."The black-haired man raised an eyebrow at something beyond the other man's shoulder. "That is the second biggest jellyfish I have ever seen."The bearded man threw a glance behind him. At the same moment the black-haired man threw the pipe over his own shoulder and grasped his opponent in a firm hold. He braced a foot against the chess table."Though I die today, my little ponies will live on forever!"He gave a mighty push with his leg. In a tangle of legs and arms the two men tumbled over the parapet. As they fell downward beside the waterfall, the bungee cord that had been secretly attached to the black-haired man's leg the whole time pulled taut. And it snapped.And so the two men descended together into the waiting embrace of the dreadful caldron of swirling water and seething foam, in the depths of which will lie for all time the bodies of the most dangerous criminal and the foremost champion of ponies everywhere of their generations. It is due to recent injudicious claims of a certain toy company that I make a clear statement of the facts as I have painstakingly gathered them that surround this, the final confrontation between a man of evil, and he whom I shall ever regard as the one and only true inventor of the best toy line of the modern industry. - IRIS OUT - If you laughed, tell me why. If you didn't, tell me why. If you thought this was phenomenal or that it was abject, tell me why. Compliments or constructive criticisms are both equally welcome here. From the desk of Nuile: Lunatic Wordsmith
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Wind-Rider: Hey guys~! It’s been a while since I’ve even thought about this site, much less the comedy I had written about glomping these characters several years ago. BUT!! It needs to be rewritten, because not only do I feel like it, but I’m disappointed that I did most of the skits in script form. Sure, it’s funny, but it’s not the same as a good prose. Narrator: Unless that prose is drabbling on non-important factors, of course. Wind-Rider: So, I’ll do my best to write each of the glompings in prose~! X3 Of course, I’ll try not to make them too wordy or anything, or that might be unappealing for you guys. ; Narrator: So for now, here’s the first chapter, and we hope you enjoy it…and the resulting insanity and headache-inducing confusion this ‘thing’ standing next to me is bound to cause. Me: *grins*_______________________________ Who are we glomping? Tahu Nuva Where? Tren Krom Break Static fills the air for a moment before the camera flicks on, revealing a Toa of Gravity as he stares at the camera in confusion. “Hey, kid, what’s the red light mean again?” he asked as he looked off to the side. “That means it’s recording,” a young female voice replied back. “And please call me Shayinko, or even just ‘Shay’.” “Oh!” the Toa of Gravity gasped, juggling the camera in his hands for a moment before he lifts it up and points it at a young human girl that’s standing next to a Toa of Plasma. “Okay, ready!” “What’s the point of all this again?” the Toa of Plasma asked in confusion as he looked down at the short human. Shay chuckled as she said, “It’s supposed to be like a documentary of sorts, where we record someone in their natural habitat before they get glomped and the steps that are necessary to do so.” The Toa of Plasma blinked as he stared at her for a moment before he asked, “What’s a ‘glomp’?” She sighed as she pulled a dictionary from behind her back—which was odd, as she wasn’t wearing a pack—and began leafing through the pages until she came across a specific page. “Glomp: noun. To hug someone with sheer amounts of affection and adoration. It can be performed in a variety of ways and styles, and it is extremely difficult to remove the glomper from the victim.” Snapping the book shut, she tossed it away—and cringing when it shattered a window and a cat screeched. “Uh…yeah…that’s the basic definition of it,” she said to the camera before pointing somewhere behind her. “And I think we should move…now.” “Why?” the Toa of Gravity asked from behind the camera. “MY GLASS COLLECTION! !!!” a voice roared in rage, causing the girl to stiffen in fear before she grabbed the Toa of Plasma’s hand and bolted. “Run! Kopaka’s on a rampage!!” she screamed. The camera suddenly became encased in ice, landing in the sand and showing a Toa of Ice chasing the three before it turned to static. /Two Hours Later/ The camera came back on, showing Shay frowning at it in annoyance. “Dang it…this is the third camera this week,” she grumbled as she handed it back to the Toa of Gravity. “If this keeps up I could pay for college twice!” “Quit complaining,” the Toa of Plasma grumbled, sporting a new bruise under his eye and his arm in a cast. “At least he spared you from any pain after he chased us half-way across the island.” “I’m still shocked that he kept up with us for that long,” she replied with a weird-ed out expression on her face. “Anyway, now that that’s out of the way, LET’S GET TO GLOMPING!!!” She shoves a stack of papers into the Toa of Plasma’s hand and said, “You get to be the Narrator, who explains all the steps to the readers!” He blinks at her for a moment and said, “What ‘readers’? We’re recording something with a camera!” “Details, details,” she shrugged. “Just read the tips.” The Narrator sighs as he holds up the paper and reads, “Our first target for today is a Toa of Fire named Tahu Nuva. Step one: find out where he likes to relax or just be alone.” “Here’s my favorite part,” the human grinned. “Time for a wipe!” Before anyone could react, she reached off the screen of the camera and pulled, a sheet of reds and browns appearing as she moved it to the other side of the screen, showing her and the Narrator now standing on the outside of the Tren Krom Break. The Narrator blinked in shock and disbelief as he slowly turned to her and asked, “W-What just happened? How in Mata Nui’s name did we get from Po-Koro and into Ta-Wahi??” “A wipe,” she replied. “It’s a comedy thing where you can change scenes quickly, like in a flashback. Oh look, there’s Tahu! Quick, hide!” She yanked him and the camera-Toa down behind a stone column, carefully poking her head out as she watched the Spirit of Fire. He seemed to be thinking of something, most likely about an argument that he and Gali had. “Read the next tip,” she whispered. The Narrator sighed as he held up the script again, saying, “Step two: make sure that you have scouted the area and that there is no one around to warn your target. Then, make sure you find a good hiding place where you won’t overshoot or land both of you in something unpleasant.” ZIP! Shay had disappeared from the Narrator’s side, causing him to blink as he looked out and saw her peeking out from behind a much smaller rock. Eyes darting this way and that, she zipped to another rock and disappeared from sight. He sighed and pressed his mask into his hand before he looked at the script again. “Step three: once you have a clear shot, think of something to shout so that he either won’t think your attacking him, or just to be random.” A thumbs-up appeared from behind the rock before it disappeared again when Tahu walked by. Once he had passed it, the rock lifted up to reveal a pair of eyes beneath it. Raising an eye-ridge at this odd behavior, the Narrator looked at the list again and blinked. “Step four…‘attack’?” he read in confusion. “BLAZING COURAGE! !!!” Tahu whirled around in shock as the human shot out from beneath the rock, yelling before grunting in surprise when she tackled him in the middle. “What the slag?!” he roared as he glared down at the human, attempting to pry her off his torso. “Let go of me!” She giggled and shook her head. “No~!” she chirped. “You need your daily dose of hugs and glomps, or your day won’t be complete!” Tahu growled at her in annoyance before he looked up, spotting the Narrator and the Camera Toa still hiding behind the rock. “That thing better not go on the air,” he ground out, “or you two are dead when I get her off!”____________________________ Me: Just because he told them that, doesn’t mean it applies to me. XD Narrator: You’re just trying to get us killed, aren’t you? Me: No, that just comes with the job description. Besides, you guys go through the same hazardous situations as Toa, what’s so different about this? Narrator: The fact that they’re caused by you? Me: Oh hush… *turns to the audience* So, tell me what you think~! Yes, this is a rewritten chapter from my old comedy, but this might be the only one unless you guys want me to rewrite another old chapter/skit. If you guys have any suggestions for who to glomp next, feel free to let me know, and if I like it enough, I might just be tempted to write it~! Oh, and just so you know, Shay is not my name, it's a name that I gave to a character I created long ago and just finally decided to name her. Oh, and also, if you wish to guest star, just send me a note or something and I'll see if I have time to squeeze you in, alright? ;P
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ASK HAPORI TOHU!Note: I know that Tahu the Burger Burglar Burglarizes a Burger wasn't that funny,so i'm rooting that on this.HT: Hello,there BZPower members! It is I,your fearless leader,Hapori Tohu!B6: Sir,our Wi-Fi is down,it has been since the Visorak took over Metru-Nui.HT: So wait,we didn't have Wi-Fi for 6 years!???!!!?B6: Yep,but the staff are working hard to fix this.HT: Just,just go get the Video Camera.B6: Yes,sir!10 minutes later....B6: Alright,here you go.Random Matoran: After 6 days of no Wi-Fi,it is finally back up!HT: Black six,you said that we had no Wi-Fi for 6 years,not days!B6:But sir,I...HT:You're FIRED!B6: Shoot,I was kicked out of the LEGO Office in Denmark 13 years ago... :(HT: And you'll be kicking yourself out of BZPower as well! :superfunny:B6: I thought this was a FAQ thingie,not a "yell at Black Six" thing!HT: Go away,I wish to never see you again!B6: But...HT: Fus...B6: Huh?HT: Ro...B6: Uh-oh...HT: DAH!!!!HT: There,with my lead Administrator gone now,I can start this thing! HT: Huh,who,what? Oh,I had to go into hibernation,and the staff were too lazy to operate the site. HT: No,why would I? :shoots wall with lazer vision: Okay,okay,maybe I DO have superpowers! Also,LEGO STAR WARS sucks. BIONICLE rules! HT: Hmm,"NOT Black Six",I am part of the awesome Toa Team. The team members are: Me,Billy Mays,James Bond,Chuck Norris,Icarax and Winnie-The-Pooh. HT: NO! HT:Hey,that isn't a question!:Door opens:W7: Hello,I am White Seven,and I would like to get a job here.HT: Hmm,you look as if i've seen you before. Black Six ring a bell?W7: Black Six? Who's that?HT: Some guy I fired.W7: Oh,he says he wants his job back.HT: I think you are B6...B6: Hello,I want my job back!HT: Wait,so White Seven is really NOT Black Six!B6: It all ends here,brother.W7: Come at me,bro.:Bam!:B6: :spank:W7: Ow!HT: That's it! Time to Nuke the ground!W7 and B6: NOOO!-CDP
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Again, I apologize for the recent hiatus. Quite honestly, it was just one thing after another, and I had very little time to come back to BZP. Now that that's over, though, I hope to get back to a regular comedy writing schedule on a weekly basis. It will be as follows: The Nuva Inn: every other day (Ask Matau! "off days) Ask Matau!: every other day (TNI "off days") BZ-Nui Hack Wars: Wednesdays and Saturdays Mata Nova: Mondays and Fridays Once Mata Nova and/or BZ-Nui Hack Wars is finished (whichever happens first), I will begin reposting Quest for the Comedy Jokes of Power next. The script comedies will continue to be updated indefinitely, though there may be a slip on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which are the busiest days for me in real life, so occasionally I may not have time to update then. If that happens, the schedule will continue as normal. Thanks to all my fans for continuing to read, promote, and reply to my comedies! You guys (and girls) all rock! Lewa0111 Nuva
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EDIT: Cannibalism and gore to this extent are not appropriate for BZP.
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Ask the Kardatoran!Chapter 1: Pilot.Tamna: And we are live!Kirop: Hey! That was my line!Tamna: Wasn't your line " Hi! Welcome to ask the Karda Avtoran!"?Kirop: Touche.Radiak: Open the mall, please!Photok: You mean the mail?Radiak: No, I really mean the mall. Today at the mall baker there are supercalifragilisticexpialidocious cookies, and I don't want to miss them!Solek: I thought it was Mary Poppins cookie day!Everybody expect Solek: IT IS MARY POPPINS COOKIE DAY! Av-computer: Auto open mail: Photok: This is just ridiculous! We never eat another matoran, right?Galva: Um, well..*holds a hand of a matoran, half eaten*Radiak: GALVA!Solek: RADIAK!Photok: SOLEK!Kirop: PHOTOK!Tamna:TAMNA!Av-computer: Auto open mail: Photok: DELETE THIS AND ALL OTHER SPAMMAILAv-computer: You have 3 mails and 2 unopenend mails.Tamna: I want to buy SPAM!Photok: No, you couldn't.Tamna:Why?Photok: Because i also deleted SPAMmail.Tamna: Aww....Av-computer: Auto open mail: Photok: NO U AR LAMEUUUSolek: Grammar, please!Tamna: Yep, his sentence doesn't weigh a gram!Galva: Tamna, do not take that literary.Kirop: Let's send a message to the hater!Everybody: YES!*Meanwhile, in the house of the hater...*Hater: Which comedy should I troll now?Computer : You got mail.Hater: Oh, fun! I wanna know what the mail is-AYU BEEM*Hater got hit by a laser beam*Hater: Ow.*Meanwhile, in Av-toran House...*Av-computer: Auto open mail: Photok: :oTamna: Yeah, that was worth too!Kirop: Random.Radiak: O RLY?*O RLY? pops up*Galva: Um, this is not lewawathevernumber's comedy.O RLY?: Aww. *Teleports back*Photok: And that's it for today. Goodbye folks!THEENDPhotok: I LOVE Star Wars!Word count: 301
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----Chapter One---- Time: 4:16 PM Location: Po-Wahi, Mata Nui ------------Javan: Alright, let’s do this.Shorn: Wait, you mean now?Javan: Yes, I mean now. We pick a random, isolated hut on Mata Nui, we storm in, we grab the Kolhii stones, we grab the lavaboard, we grab whatever we can get our hands on. That’s the deal. That’s what we do.Shorn: Okay, okay, I got it.Javan: We go in on go, okay? One, two…Shorn: Wait, do we go on three or do we go on go?Javan: We go in on go. That’s what people usually mean when you say “we go in on go”. It’s one, two, three, and then go.Shorn: Yes, but when you say “one, two, three” it’s sort of implied that you actually want to start on “three”. If you want to go on “go”, then you should have said “ready, set, go”, because that’s already associated—Javan: Will you just Do NOT bypass the word filter -B6 shut up? We go on go, alright? Is that so hard to do? Just live with it. Okay, so one, two—Shorn: Wait, wait. Let me load my gun.Javan: Oh, for—this is a robbery! A Do NOT bypass the word filter -B6 robbery! How did the thought no cross your head that “Oh, we're probably going to hold someone up at gunpoint! Maybe I should take the time to at least load my mother Do NOT bypass the word filter -B6 gun!!!”.Shorn: Look, at least I remembered, okay? At least I didn’t hold up someone at gunpoint without the gun loaded, like someone I could—Javan: Alright, we’re actually going in now, okay? Okay. For reals. We are going to do this, okay? Okay. One, two—Shorn: Wait, look!Javan: You have got to be kidding me.Shorn: Look at that shadow!Javan: Who the frick cares about a mother What part about Do NOT bypass the word filter is so hard to grasp? Is it the NOT part? Do the bold and capital letters just not do it for you? -B6 shadow? Maybe you’ve just never thought of this before, but just about every single solid thing on this entire planet has a shadow.Shorn: But this one moved. It’s alive.Javan: No, your brain was probably just entertaining itself by tricking your eyes because it hasn’t been used in so long, you I can't believe I actually have to sit down and do this -B6 moron.Shorn: No, really. It moved. Right there, man. It moved.Javan: Just shut it and load your gunoh my Mata Nui you’re right.Shorn: Is someone behind us?Javan: How am I supposed to know?Shorn: Turn around and look!Javan: You turn around and look!Shorn: Yeah, and what if he overheard what we’re going to do? I’m not turning around and letting him get a good look at me just so he can identify me later!Javan: Oh, so you’ll let me get caught. I appreciate that so much. Really, I have better things to do with my life -B6 backstabber.Shorn: Just turn around!Javan: Look, we’ll fight for it, okay? Rock paper scissors.Shorn: Alright, fine, fine. I’ll do it.Javan: Okay. One, two—Shorn: Wait, on go or on three?Javan: Will you just This is ridiculous -B6 do it?Shorn: Okay, okay. One, two, THREE!Javan: Aw, for—two out of three.Shorn: No way, man. You lost!Javan: Two out of three!Shorn: Fine, fine. Again. One, two, THREE!Javan: Ha! Dragon beats scissors!Shorn: What? That’s paper! You have your palm flat out! That’s paper!Javan: No, when you have your thumb down, its paper. When you have it up, it’s dragon.Shorn: There is no dragon! The title clearly says, “Rock, Paper, Scissors”!Javan: It doesn’t say “Rock, Paper, Scissors, No Dragon”! It's totally legit, man.Shorn: You know, while we’re wasting all this time, that guy behind us could be up to someth— *** Time: ??? Location: ??? ------------ Shorn: …ugh…Javan: …what the…Shorn: …my head…Javan: Where are we? What…what happened?Shorn: Look, up there. There’s a sign. It’s…it’s in shorthand.Javan: It’s…where…Shorn: What? Where are we?Javan: I don’t know. I’ve never heard of this place before.Shorn: What does it say? What does the sign say?Javan: It…what…where the Okay, screw you. I'm playing Skyrim. -B6 is Las Vegas?
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Here is the first comedy I ever wrote, and part of the whole story-universe I created. Now then, I know it is poorly written, but give me a break, it was my first attempt. The first chapter was only 263 words! That is why I might combine chapters together since they are so short. But for the most part, the comedy will be unaltered from what it once was. Everything will be as it was, aside from my joining chapters together so it is over 300 words. Later on, I'll post a list of who is who, seeing as I know it's confusing as to which Makuta is who. For one thing, here is a small hint:Antroz is #1, Icarax is #2, Norenka is #7, Spiriah is #6, and Kojol is #5.CHAPTER 1: Take this mask and hide it*In the Brotherhood of Makuta headquarters*Makuta:*banging gavel* Order! Order in the court! This trial is now in sess--Member #1: But this is a brotherhood meeting, not a courtroom--Makuta:How dare you interrrupt me?! If you do so again, I'll make sure you end up like the last guy who did!!#1 NO!! PLEASE!! DON'T!!! I won't do it again!!Makuta: Very well. Now, I stole this... mask... thingy and I don't know what to do with it. *holds up the MoL* Any bright ideas?? Anyone??#2: I say we burn it!#3: I say we shred it!#4: I say we launch it to some far away island where no one can get it! *all member voices over lapping*Makuta:*banging gavel again*Order! Order! If none of you can be quiet, then by the powers invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife.Sidorak, Rodaka: Get on with the plans!! Makuta: You may now kiss the bride.#6: Can we move on? I say we bury it outside these headquarters where no one can get it.Makuta: That's a GREAT idea! Ever considered being my assistant? #5, fetch me my tools.#5: You mean your knife and your fork, sir?Makuta: #5: What?! You've gained a few pounds from eating #7's food. Lose some weight, already. *Later...*Makuta:*at the hole* May this mask never see the light of day ever again. *tosses it in* I'm hungry!! #7' get me some food ready while I go out and steal some more stuff! I expect it ready by the time I return.#7: I don't have to be treated like this!Makuta: It's in your contract. #7: Oh, Kratta slime! 450 years later...*The tides rose above the mask's burrial spot an is lost in the ocean and capsizes in the water, drifting away.*(in the home of Norik...)Toa Norik: I over slept again?!?! Oh no! The guys will be really mad at me now!! I've got ot hurry to the headquarters or else I'll be in so much trouble with the boss!!. (later..)Iruini: Where were you?! As always, I have to cover for you. You are a Toa so act like one for once!Kualas: Iruini's right.Iruini: Now let's go fight some crime or whatever Toa do.Norik: And I'm irresponsible??Bomonga: Heya guys. 'Sup fellas? Wheres Gaaki?Kulas: She went out. Good thing it isn't raining (Thunder, Downpour) At least she's the Toa of water.Pouks: Man, what a storm!! I was out on a walk when it started to rain and the wind came. How wierd is that?? So what do we do?Makuta: Good news!! I'm giving you all a day off!! Have a nice life!!Gaaki: (runs inside, soaking wet) What'd I miss?Makuta:Don't mess up the floors!! Now #8 has even more work to do an his life is miserible already with me around!!Gaaki: I'm terribly sorry. I was walking to this club thing and passed by Pouks when this storm came.Makuta: Well, go home! I have schemi-- er, plannig to do so go home already. I need my chair. (sits his duff in a huge chair, gets some coffee, and reads the paper) Hey. Some guy named Turaga Dume is having a party. I should sneak in and steal some stuff. But where is this "METRU NUI?"(even later..)Norik:(by a stream) I need to become a better Toa, BUT HOW!! (sees something in the water) What is that? (jumps in and grabs it) It's a Kanohi mask.Matoran cop: Hey You! What are you doing?Norik:UMM... I was just... (stares at the MoL) ...getting my mask!Cop:Really: I thought you were swimming in a "No Swmming" zone. Run along.Norik:That was a close call. Good thing I didn't go swimming there. I need to get a pool very soon. Now to get home.
