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  1. In the time before time, on the world of the Spherus Magna, lays a desert that holds a secret that no one, not even the Turaga know of. The desert holding the great Temple of Creation was one to not be deceived by. The happenings before the Toa discovered the Temple had untold consequences, even the loss of a creation of the Great Beings The six beings gathered in front of a large, round alter, which was oozing raw magic and protodermis. They all wore black cloaks and masks of unknown origin. one of the six placed an object over the alter, after which had started floating and flowing with the magic and energy of the mysterious alter. The object was a mask, made of gold and flowing with blue energy and power. They stood inside the Temple, wondering if Skull Spiders might just invade them. "Is the Kanohi Mask ready?" One asked. A figure with a dark red robe and black cloak materialized from the corner. He pulled back his hood, revealing almost ancient and sentient features. He arced his head to his subject, and said "Yes, my brother, the Kanohi Mask of Creation is ready. When Makuta rises again, and the Lord of skull spiders is defeated, only then will this mask be in use." "But, we are Great Beings, we do not need our brother, Mata Nui, to coincide with Makuta, even if he is as powerful as us." said another. "The Mask of Life may never bring Makuta back from Evil and darkness. Even if the Toa use the Mask of Creations power, Makuta or the Lord of skull spiders might just find out this operation, and destroy us!" "Do not worry, my brother, I have a plan for the Skull Spiders and Makuta, but we need to retreat to the Cloud Palace." said the Leader. With three quick strides, the leader pulled down a switch, revealing chutes which had been modified to teleport them to the Palace, their home. The leader turned on his heal, and said " These will come in handy. A silence beheld the room. Then, as if on cue, footsteps and insect movements could be heard from the entrance. The leader, who was in a state of panic, ran for a stone on the wall. He slid it across, and a barrier appeared in front of the entrance. "Everyone to the chutes!!" The leader yelled. Everyone ran for the chutes, including the leader. In a flash of light and blue energy, they were sent to the clouds. The footsteps had stopped and a banging could be heard against the barrier. Soon after, the combatants smashed a hole in the barrier. Makuta Teridax and The Lord of Skull spiders rushed in the hole, with an army of smaller Skull spiders scattering everywhere. Makuta turned to the army waiting outside. "Steal the Mask! Make sure the Toa NEVER find this place!" He bellowed in his deep voice. The spiders rushed in, and stole the mask, and buried the entrance in sand. Makuta turned to his insectoid companion, and said " You, take the mask to the isle of Artakha. When the Toa come, they will land on Mata Nui first. You do what ever it takes to insure the mask is never taken by the Toa. I will be on Mata Nui, spreading my darkness at will." And with that, Makuta walked out of the Temple of Creation. And disappeared into the clouded sky.
  2. Happy New Year, BZPower! As the holidays continue, so too does the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series. This time around, The Nuva Inn kicks off a belated Christmas Naming Day celebration, but things don’t go quite according to plan… As usual, the previous entries in this season’s Holiday Series can be found at the end of the post. Nuva Year’s Eve A BIONICLE comedy by Me! Part 4 of the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series 2014-2015 “Hey Pohatu,” yelled Lewa from somewhere up the stairs, “don’t forget to bring the Toa Santa hats for all of us to wear. And the stuff for the sign. And the red and green paint for me and Tahu. And the cookie-making stuff for Tava. And the Christmas tree and lights from Chapter 3 of TNI. And the fake snow. And the real snow. And the wrapping paper. And the-- “Wait, what do you mean ‘Chapter 3 of TNI?’” asked Pohatu. “Aren’t we in TNI right now?” Lewa pointed up to the sky, where the title card was floating in midair. “No, we’re in the Holiday Series again. Didn’t you notice the prose?” “Oh, right. Now I see. But look, can I at least make more than one trip for all of this stuff?” “No,” said Kopaka, who happened to be wandering past. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!” screamed Takanuva as usual. Pohatu sighed. “Fine…” He hefted all of the objects Lewa had asked for in his hands, forming a pile so tall it scraped against the ceiling, and started to walk up the stairs out of the basement very, very slowly. While Pohatu was busy doing that, Lewa walked over to the lobby, where Kopaka was busy cleaning the hotel and Gali was watching the pool. “It’s almost Naming Day, we need to have this place looking festive!” he said. “Clean faster!” Gali shook her head. “Remind me again why we waited until Naming Day Eve to start decorating?” she asked. “Shouldn’t we have started this, oh, I don’t know, before that?” “Hey, I was busy! Doing managery things! Yeah. Definitely managery things.” Gali had a sneaking suspicion that said ‘managery things’ involved smoothies, reclining massage chairs, and movies more than it did actual work, but she didn’t bother mentioning that. “So, what can I do to help?” she asked. “Kopaka, can I help clean?” “No,” said Kopaka. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!” screamed Takanuva. “Will you cut that out!” shouted Lewa, annoyed. “Gali, why don’t you help Takanuva and Onua put up the decorations as soon as Pohatu brings them up from the basement. I have more managery things to take care of. Bye!” Gali sighed. This was going to be quite the Naming Day… * * * One week later, everyone was still waiting for Pohatu to finish bringing up the decorations. (Incidentally, Everyone the Po-Matoran was not waiting. He was busy looking for the bathroom in a variety of highly unlikely locations). Lewa’s private elevator dinged and the Toa Nuva of Air stepped out. “What’s taking us so long?” he demanded. “Naming Day is almost here! Where are those decorations?” “Almost...there…” grunted the heavily-laden Pohatu, as he finally ascended the last step and collapsed, spilling Naming Day decorations everywhere. “Finally! Okay, let’s go! Get decorating!” “Uh, Lewa?” asked Onua, having just come back from posting signs advertising the Inn’s New Year party all over Metru Nui. “You do realize Naming Day was a week ago, right? Tonight is already New Year’s Eve.” “ ” emoticonned Lewa. “What!?!?!?!?!?!?!?” “By the...way...I…” Pohatu started to say before passing out from exhaustion. Onua just shrugged. “Afraid so. We missed Naming Day completely.” “Can’t be. I never got my money!” Everyone stared at Lewa weirdly. (So did Everyone, who had just wandered into the lobby, but that’s beside the point). “Err...I mean...we never got our presents,” he amended. “You know, he’s right,” Takanuva pointed out. “Where was Toa Santa? Obviously we couldn’t give each other our presents since Pohatu hadn’t brought the wrapping paper up, but still…” With a > , Lewa declared, “That does it! We’re going to go outside and find out what happened to our presents, and Toa Santa for that matter! Right now!” “But what about New Year’s--” “Onua, who cares about New Year’s, just go find some decorations, I don’t care. Tahu? Gali? Let’s go.” Blue Eyes Commander, the guest star front desky person, suddenly ran into the room at the literal speed of sound due to all the sugar he constantly ate. “Heyguyswhat’sgoingonooharewegoingonaquestIwannagoIwannagocanIgopleasepleaseplease???????????” The Kraata of Plant Control on his shoulder, Fred, shuddered and looked like he was going to vomit from all the hyperness. Lewa just stared at BEC for several seconds before silently turning and exiting the hotel with Tahu and Gali. “SowhatdoesthatmeanhuhhuhhuhtellmetellmecanIgowasthatayesoranoyouhavetoanswer!! Yesornoyesorno?” “No,” said Kopaka. Takanuva...well, you can probably guess what Takanuva did. * * * Lewa, Tahu, and Gali exited the hotel for the first time all week--and emerged into a scene of chaos. As it was Naming Day Eve, the seven Turaga were in the process of rolling a gigantic shiny disco ball up the side of the Coliseum/Colosseum/whatever, though this was made difficult by the fact that some of them occasionally fell asleep in the middle of it and sent the ball rolling right back down the structure. Turaga Dume was decked out in all the New Year’s celebration gear he could find--a top hat, noisemakers, streamers, an “Auld Lang Syne” shirt (that played the song when you pressed a button on the sleeve), and also some hula leis for whatever bizarre reason. This, of course, was perfectly normal and expected. What wasn’t at all expected was the fact that the entire city was draped end-to-end in webbing with Naming Day lights attached to it, and several Matoran and Rahi were stuck to the webbing as well. Vahki cleanup crews were attempting to remove the sticky substance, but didn’t seem to be having too much luck. “Well, this is...strange,” understated Gali. “At least we know what happened to Toa Santa,” said Tahu. “No way he could get his Axalara through that.” “I WANT MY MONEY I ASKED FOR!!” shouted Lewa. “ ” emoticonned Gali. “You asked for money for Naming Day?” “Of course! Here’s my list, see?” Lewa produced a copy of his Naming Day list, which Gali looked at. The list read: Gali sighed. “Why am I not surprised? Anyway, what should we do about these webs? Wait, Tahu, please don’t--” Before she could catch herself, Tahu had already unsheathed his fire swords. “I know how to get rid of them! BURN STUFF!!” He then lit the nearest glob of webbing on fire, getting rid of the webs but also roasting the lights, the Rahi stuck in the webs, a Vahki cleanup crew, and a few random Matoran who happened to be wandering by. “There! ” Gali and Lewa collectively facepalmed as several Vahki Vorzakh surrounded Tahu, police sirens blaring. <TOA TAHU NUVA, YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR PYROMANIA> said one of the Vorzakh. <ALSO FOR BURNING STUFF> added another. <AND FOR LIGHTING EVERYTHING ON FIRE, YOU CRAZY TOA> said a third. “What? No, I don’t wanna go to jail!” complained Tahu. “BURN STUFF!” He then lit the Vorzakh on fire. Gali just shook her head. “Tahu, you just made everything worse,” she observed, as several more squad of various Vahki types converged on their location, sirens blaring. “No I didn’t!” “Uhh...we don’t know this guy, bye!” said Lewa quickly, shoving Tahu toward the nearest Vahki squad and running. Gali, having no other choice, followed the Toa of Air, leaving Tahu at the mercy of the Vahki. “OKAY YOU PUNKS, WANT SOME FIRE? I’LL TEACH YOU TO ARREST TOA TAHU, YOU #####ING ###### #### ############S!!” shouted Tahu behind them as a massive fireball lit up half of Metru Nui. After using their Kakamas to run to the other side of the island, overshooting the shore, ending up in the water, and then running back to shore, Gali and Lewa stopped to take a short rest. Ga-Metru, like the rest of the island, was likewise covered in webbing, though all the Vahki cleanup crews had been redirected to take care of the pyromaniac issue in Le-Metru. A few students were stuck in the webbing outside East-West-North High, but other than that, the metru seemed largely deserted. “Well, that’s Tahu for you,” Gali observed. “So, what do we do now?” “I want my money!!” said Lewa. “We gotta get rid of those webs right now!” “Thanks, Captain Obvious,” said Gali sarcastically. A superhero with a big “O” on his cape suddenly swooped in out of nowhere. “You’re welcome!” he said, before flying off with a shout of “Captain Obvious, AWAYYYYYY!” With a , both Gali and Lewa watched him go. “So,” said Gali to break the awkward silence, “any ideas on how to break the webs? I’m thinking we could hire a web-demolishing crew--” At a glare from Lewa, she quickly stopped. “Or not.” “We don’t need to spend one single centiwidget of my money! We’ll just do it ourselves. All we have to do is find the source of these webs, then destroy it. Problem solved!” “You’re starting to sound like Tahu...but okay. I don’t have any better ideas that don’t involve spending money. I guess we follow the webs, then.” They walked over to the nearest ground-level web of lights and started to follow the strand, hoping to eventually find the source. As they passed East-West-North High, a webbed-up Jaller shouted, “Hey, a little help, here?” “We’re working on it,” Gali reassured him. Before long, the high school was out of sight and they found themselves in Po-Metru. Here, the webs thinned out significantly due to a lack of tall buildings to attach them to. A group of random Po-Matoran walked past, stepping over the strand of webbing the two Toa were following. “Happy New Year, Toa!” said Random Matoran #35, waving to them. “Happy New Year,” responded Gali. Lewa, however, noticed something in the Matoran’s hand and used his elephantal--er, sorry, ELEMENTAL--powers to blow the object toward Himself. “Hey, what was that for?” demanded Himself, one of the other Po-Matoran in the group. “Sorry,” said Lewa, blowing the object into his hands instead. “You Po-Matoran sure have weird names…” He then examined the object in his hand: a gift-wrapped package, addressed to Random Matoran #35 from Toa Santa. “HEY! it is fair and just!!” Gali just sniggered. “What’s so funny?” Gali pointed to the above paragraph. “Take a look at what you just said. Gotta love word filters.” “Stupid BZP filters...grr...anyway, where did you get this?” he demanded of the Matoran. “And why is it still wrapped when Naming Day was last week?” “Toa Santa dropped it off on Naming Day Eve as usual, and I just really like the wrapping paper,” explained Random Matoran #35. “Why, didn’t you get yours?” “No, nobody did. Or at least I thought nobody did….” Gali facepalmed. “Lewa, the reason the Po-Matoran got their gifts is because there isn’t enough webbing to block Toa Santa’s vehicle from getting through! And I highly doubt Nobody got our gifts, even if he does live in Po-Metru.” “I meant nobody, not Nobody--wait, there’s a Po-Matoran named “Nobody” now? Who’s in charge of naming these guys?” “Sure, Nobody lives just down the street from Everyone, next to Some Guy,” explained Himself. “You know what?” suggested Gali. “Let’s just keep going before we all confuse ourselves.” In spite of more word-filtered shouts of “it is fair and just!” from Lewa, she dragged him along and continued following the webs. In no time at all, they arrived at the Onu-Metru border, where their goal immediately became evident: a small building with dozens of obviously added-on stories making it tower above the landscape. The upper stories had holes poking through them, from which the light-strung webbing emerged. “There it is! Let’s go so Toa Santa can come back and give me my money!” “One-track mind…” muttered Gali, following Lewa toward the building. As they got closer, she noticed a sign on the building that read “Nuparu’s Discount Naming Day New Year’s Electronics Store.” Lewa barged into the store, expecting to see Nuparu, though no one was present. Gali followed close behind. Above them, a series of catwalks and crossbeams stretched up to the very top of the building, where she saw something moving around the webs. “Hey!” shouted Lewa. “You get rid of these webs right now, whoever you are!” “What does it look like I’m doing?” a voice shot back. A few moments later, Nuparu glided to the ground on a makeshift parachute (made from what appeared to be Tarakava hide, a couple of plungers, and a skateboard). “I’ve been trying to fix this issue all week after those Visorak came in here and smashed up my store! Look!” Gali and Lewa switched to their Akaku and looked upward to see a huge bundle of webbing and lights sitting in the middle of the store at the very top. The webs stretched out of this bundle and outside the store, going all over the city. “Well, that solves that problem,” muttered Gali. “Nuparu, I hate to ask this, but...since there won’t be any holidays for a while after today, do you really need this store?” “Well...no,” admitted Nuparu. “Why, what are you going to do?” Gali took a deep breath and looked up, as though asking Mata Nui himself for guidance. Then she said, “I can’t believe I’m doing this...but let’s face it, we’re missing all the New Year’s celebrations because of this. I just want to get it over with.” She dug around in her Toa-Pocket(™) for a few moments until she finally produced a box of lighter fluid, some matches, a lighter, gasoline, and other flammable objects. “HEY TAHU!” she yelled. “LOOK WHAT I HAVE!” Five seconds later, the Toa of Fire barreled into the store, dragging several Vahki, some more webbing, and a few police sirens with him. With a cry of “BURN STUFF!!1” he burnt all the excess baggage off of him. “Cool, flammable stuff!” he said upon seeing Gali. “Where did you get that?” Gali wasn’t about to admit that she kept a Tahu Summoning Kit with her at all times on the off chance something like this would happen, so she said, “Somewhere, but never mind. I found something for you to burn: this whole building.” “ ” Nuparu emoticonned. “Are you crazy!?!?!?!?!?!?!?” “By the way, I love exclamation points and question marks together!” said a randomly appeared Pohatu, but everyone was too busy running away from Tahu to comment on the running joke. “Awesome! BURN STUFF!!1!!111one!one!!1monroe!!” yelled Tahu noobishly, as he summoned a Nova Blast to incinerate the entire building. As Lewa, Gali, Pohatu, and Nuparu watched from a safe distance, the fire consumed not only the entire building, but a good chunk of (luckily abandoned) tunnels below. More to the point, the fire spread out from the central tangle of webbing to roast the webs all across the city just as Gali had expected, though it had diminished enough by the time it exited the building that it was no threat to any of the Matoran, Rahi, or Vahki. Before too long, the entire city was web-free once again. “All right!” shouted Lewa triumphantly. “Quick, let’s get back to the hotel. I want my presents!” “Toa Santa wouldn’t have gotten here yet, you moron!” said Gali. “But let’s get back anyway. Hopefully we didn’t miss the festivities!” * * * One Kakama-dash later, the four Toa Nuva arrived to find a completely deserted Nuva Inn. “Apparently we did miss the festivities,” Lewa pointed out. “No, don’t worry, they all went to the Coliseum/Colosseum/whatever for the big countdown,” said Pohatu. Lewa, Tahu, and Gali all stared at him. “What? I can be smart sometimes…” “If that’s true, then why are you here with us?” asked Gali. “Because I love exclamation points and question marks together!” the Toa of Stone proclaimed, as if that cleared everything up. “Let’s go!” “But I want to get my presents,” pouted Lewa. Gali facepalmed yet again. “I already told you, Toa Santa didn’t come yet! He needs time to get here.” “Fine…” The four of them left the Inn and made a Nui-Ramaline to the Colosseum/Coliseum/whatever, which was a lot easier to find with the giant shiny disco ball on top of it. Apparently the Turaga had eventually succeeded in their task. All around the structure, Matoran, Toa, and other beings had gathered to watch the countdown to the new year. Gali spotted Onua talking to a few Onu-Matoran and walked over to him. “Onua, there you are! What did we miss?” Onua shrugged. “I had another argument with the narrator, a bunch of Matoran got squished flat by that disco ball a few times but they’ll live, Makuta showed up to attack but Lhikan’s ghost scared him off, a Tahtorak showed up to celebrate but accidentally sat on Onewa but he’ll be fine, Matau got annoyed that Onewa will be fine, Vakama blamed himself for it, and the entire city lit on fire. Other than that, not much.” “Yeah, the fire thing? That was me!” proclaimed Tahu proudly. “Why am I not surprised? Anyway, the webs are gone at least.” “Where are the others?” “Kopaka and Takanuva are over there, BEC is running around hyperly as usual, and Tava is handing out free pies, but he’s eating every other one he makes. Never mind them, Dume’s about to talk!” Turaga Dume emerged onto the balcony with a dog in his hand. Then he remembered that dogs don’t exist in BIONICLE, and the dog vanished. “AHEM! Testing, 1, 2, 3...Is this thing on?” he said into the sound system. “Mega-Muaka-mauled-a-mob-of-mighty-Mukau. Oh good, it’s working!” All of the assembled beings immediately performed their best Kopeke impressions. There weren’t really many better ways of reacting to this. “Yes, anyway, sorry about that,” continued the Turaga. “2014 has been a great year for BIONICLE! We had our high points and our low points, and our random points, but we look forward to our glorious return in 2015! Well, of sorts, anyway. Actually I think only the Toa Nuva will get to return. But enough about that, let’s just celebrate! Begin the countdown!” “Did you understand any of what he was talking about?” whispered Pohatu. “2014 was a great year...past that I’m lost…” Onua responded. Gali nodded in agreement. “BEGIN THE COUNTDOWN!” shouted Dume, louder this time. When nothing happened, he asked, “Where is that annoying little Onu-Matoran? Has anyone seen Nuparu?” Tahu raised his hand. “I think he’s still cleaning up the ashes of his store. Long story. But I can help with the countdown!” “I don’t think that’s the best idea…” muttered Gali worriedly. “An excellent suggestion!” declared Dume. “Let us begin! 30!” Tahu lifted his swords and shot twin plumes of fire into the air, which resolved themselves into a giant fiery number 30. “29! 28! 27!” As Tahu sent more and more fire into the air in the shapes of the different numbers, the assembled beings started chanting along with Dume while they watched the spectacle. Above Dume, the five other Turaga (minus Onewa, who was still recovering from being squashed by a Tahtorak butt) strained against the weight of the massive shiny disco ball, preparing to drop it on cue. “17! 16! 15!” chanted Everyone. The others all stared at him. “We’re only on number 26,” Vhisola pointed out. “26! 25! 24!” the group resumed, as Tahu continued to light up the night sky with fiery numbers. “23! 22! 21!” “PIES!” called Tava, the Toa of Pie, as he walked through the crowds with a concession stand seller’s outfit on and steaming hot pies in each of his hands. “GET YOUR PIES HERE!” He gave one of the pies to a random Matoran and popped the other into his mouth, before using his powers to summon two more pies and continuing on. “20! 19! 18! 17! 16! 15!” A sudden gust of wind and the sounds of jingling bells made several Matoran look up, along with the Toa Nuva. “Hey, is that…?” asked Gali, pointing at a small light in the night sky that was rapidly growing bigger and more reddish. “Is that Toa Santa?” “WHERE!?” demanded Lewa. “14! 13! 12! 11! 10! 9!” continued the chant. Tahu continued his fiery show, but it was clear he was running out of energy. “8! 7! 6!” The light grew closer, and by this time it became clear that the light was a red Axalara, pulled by eight Kikanalo with Kanohi Kadin glued to their feet, and dragging a cobbled-together platform behind it. A certain red Toa was driving the vehicle, and the six Bohrok-Kal were clinging to the sides. “Took us a whole week, but we finally made it back to a web-free Metru Nui!” Toa Santa called out. Dume, the other Turaga, and most of the Matoran remained oblivious to this, especially the Po-Matoran (who had already gotten their gifts and could care less about Toa Santa’s return). “5! 4! 3!” they chanted. Dume signaled to the other Turaga to prepare to drop their cargo. “2! 1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!” The Turaga moved out of the way and let the disco ball plummet down the side of the Coliseum/Colosseum/whatever. Unfortunately, Toa Santa and his vehicle happened to be passing underneath it at that exact moment. “Merry Naming Day and a Happy New--” the Toa of Naming Day declared, before he noticed the disco ball about to crush him. “I’ll save you, Toa Santa!” Tahu called out. “Wait, no--” warned Gali. But it was too late. Tahu sent a fiery number -1 at the ball (he had forgotten the countdown was over), which reflected off of the shiny surface and sent fire flying everywhere. Lewa sprang into action and flew up to Toa Santa’s Axalara, creating a shield with wind to protect the vehicle. “MY PRECIOUS GIFTS!!” “Everyone, everyone, please remain calm,” said Dume. “We have a minor fire situation here. There is no need to panic--” “WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!” screamed Vakama suddenly, having grabbed the microphone from Dume. “It’s all my fault we’re gonna die! It’s all my fault there’s fire everywhere! It’s all my fault Toa Santa came late! It’s all my fault that it’s all my fault!” “Time to pull the plug…” muttered Gali, finding the plug for the sound system and yanking it out. Toa Santa landed his vehicle next to where the Toa Nuva were standing. “Come on,” said Lewa, “Toa Santa’s taking us back to the Inn.” “But what about the fire everywhere? The screaming Matoran? The utter disaster?” asked Gali. “Who cares, Dume can deal with it. But we have more important things to do! Like celebrating a belated Naming Day!” Having no better ideas, Gali reluctantly clambered on board the Axalara with the other Toa Nuva, BEC, Fred, and Tava. Toa Santa took the controls and steered them away from the chaos toward Le-Metru and The Nuva Inn. * * * “Well,” proclaimed Lewa once they had opened their gifts from Toa Santa, closed the Inn for the night, and settled down comfortably in the lobby, “That could have been worse. At least I got everything I asked for!” “How could that possibly have gone any worse?” asked Onua. “I could have NOT gotten my money!” “Typical.” “ ” emoticonned Takanuva suddenly. “Uhh...what?” asked Pohatu. Then he suddenly said, “ ” “What’s with the emoti-- ” said Onua. “ ” said Kopaka. Before any more random emoticons could be used, Gali had a sneaking suspicion. She rummaged around behind the couch for a few moments, producing a bottle of shampoo, a velociraptor, an extension cord, and a few bunches of grapes before triumphantly grabbing a kraata and holding it aloft. “A-HA! I knew it had to be one of you. Where did you come from?” “The Thanksgiving feast, last year. Wait, am I in the future?” “A Kraata of Emoticon Control. Figures. Get out of here.” With a whunt, she whunted the Kraata of Emoticon Control off to who knows where. “Hey, that’s my sound effect!” complained Pohatu. Gali sighed. “Well,” she said finally, “Happy 2015, everyone! Here’s to maybe a bit less chaos, though we’re not exactly off to a good start...oh, and Merry Naming Day too, while we’re at it.” “Happy 2015!” the others called out. “You know,” muttered Onua, “we didn’t really do anything too special for Naming Day, but it’s not technically over yet for us! That gives me an idea…. THE END Bob the Word Counting 2015 Villager: This comedy has 4,077 words. These things keep getting longer and longer… ~Happy New Year from Lewa# Studios! Halloween Special 2014 Thanksgiving Special 2014 Christmas Special 2014 Lewa0111 Nuva
  3. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, or whatever your celebration of choice, fellow Bionicle fans! As we eagerly await 2015 and our favorite franchise’s return, it’s time for yet another installment of the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series. This time, starring everyone’s favorite Visorak and a certain Bohrok-Kal! Note: The previous Christmas special, written back in 2011, can be found here. As usual, a link to the previous comedies in this year’s Holiday Series can be found at the end of this post. Enjoy! Toa Santa and the Web of Not-Shadows A BIONICLE comedy by Me! Part 3 of the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series 2014-2015 It was a very little-known fact among the denizens of the MU that they all lived inside Mata Nui’s robotic body. It was an even lesser-known fact that Metru Nui, despite being located in Mata Nui’s head, was not the northernmost part of the MU. Mata Nui, in fact, has hair! Inside that hair, atop Mata Nui’s scalp, Toa Santa finished his preparations on the land of Hara-Nui. This was an island at the northernmost part of the MU, meaning it was literally the inside of Mata Nui’s scalp (an accident with a Toa of Gravity long ago meant gravity there was the opposite of the orientation of the rest of the MU). It was also very cold for no particular reason. Toa Santa, being a Toa of Ice, thought this was the perfect place to set up his workshop where he made presents to give to all the good MU denizens each year on Naming Day. “Hey, Mini-Bohrok #1827468217364827365826359871269527813465978236589372648907651! What are you doing?” shouted workshop boss Kohrak-Kal, who had finally achieved his lifelong dream of appearing in a Lewa0111 comedy. The aforementioned Mini-Bohrok looked at the disk in its hand. “I was polishing this disk, and also made fifteen other presents while you were busy saying my very long number.” “Hmm, good point. We should figure out a better numbering system for you guys…” As Kohrak-Kal turned away, Toa Santa entered the room. “Ho ho ho, Happy Naming Day Eve everyone! Are we all ready for the trip?” The Mini-Bohrok all cheered. “We’re definitely ready,” said Kohrak-Kal excitedly. “Though we could use a better numbering system for our Mini-Bohrok. It took me too long to say this one’s number. But anyway, when do we leave?” “Oh, right, you’re new. Transferred here through the Lewa# School of Comedy Internship Program, right? Every year, we leave in our flying Axalara with all of the presents on December 32nd at midnight. We start at Metru Nui and make our way to Mata Nui’s feet I mean...uhh...the southern islands! Yeah, southern islands! Definitely not feet. No idea why I said that.” " " was all Kohrak-Kal had to say in response to that. “The other Bohrok-Kal will be joining us, of course. We only have until midnight on the 33rd to give out gifts to every good MU denizen in the universe, after all! And the bad ones will get Zamor lawn chairs instead!” Kohrak-Kal looked confused. “Wait, Zamor launchers? Wouldn’t most villains like getting a free weapon?” “Not Zamor launchers, Zamor lawn chairs. They look kinda like Zamor launchers, but when you open one, it turns into a lawn chair instead. This usually causes most villains to go crazy when they see it.” “Oh, okay.” “Anyhow, let’s get moving! We’re leaving tomorrow morning at midnight o’clock sharp!” Toa Santa then left the room. “‘Midnight o’clock?’” asked Kohrak-Kal with a . * * * Meanwhile, in Metru Nui, everyone was getting ready for Naming Day Eve in their own way. Matau had decorated a fake tree entirely with pictures and action figures of himself in his Toa days, Vakama kept blaming himself for not having any decorations, Onewa had gone senile and thought it was Halloween again and thus was wearing a Kanohi Puhmpka all day, and the Toa Nuva were busy taking care of the holiday rush at the hotel (except Lewa, who was lazing around in his Manager’s Suite as usual). Turaga Dume in his typical over-the-top holiday obsession had attempted to get the entire Coliseum/Colosseum/whatever decorated to look like a giant Naming Day tree, but mostly just succeeded in somehow setting the entire thing on fire (good news for Tahu, but not too much for anyone else). Even Tava was going all-out baking more pies than usual, enough so there would be 3.14 for everyone in the city. On the roof of the shared hut of Turagas Matau, Nokama, and Whenua, the six Visorak were lounging around, bored. “I’m bored,” said Oohnorak redundantly. I just said that! “...” ellipsed Suukorak. [Translation: “Why don’t we do something fun for Naming Day then? Everyone is preparing in some way.”] “No he isn’t,” observed Keelerak, watching Everyone the weirdly-named Po-Matoran wandering around on the sidewalk below. “In fact I think he’s the only one not celebrating.” “Bah, humbug!” shouted Everyone. Boggarak groaned. “Darn it, I was gonna be the Scrooge reference this year! He stole my idea! Guess I have to be festive after all…” he said, adding an emoticon for good measure. Keelerak just shrugged (somehow). “I feel like Everyone just hates all holidays.” “But that’s not true! Most of us like holidays! I mean, just look at the Toa and Turaga!” argued Vohtarak. “I meant Everyone, not everyone.” “Because that was so helpful,” commented Boggarak sarcastically. “Oh, shut up.” “...” ellipsed Suukorak. [Translation: “Can we please stay focused? What should we do to help celebrate this year?”] “He’s right,” put in Keelerak. “...” [Translation: “Yes I am, thank you!”] “I dunno, what did we do last year? Didn’t we just play online games all day? I think we should do that again,” suggested Vohtarak. “I vote no to that stupid suggestion,” Boggarak answered. Keelerak reached back into the compartment for his Rhotuka spinner, rummaging around beneath the spinner. He tossed out a stuffed Muaka, a few Zamor spheres (which fell off the roof and accidentally enslaved some random Matoran walking below), a Wii remote, a bag of dog food, and some pliers before triumphantly pulling out a large book. “A-ha, here it is!” he crowed. “I knew I had it in here somewhere.” “What is it?” asked Oohnorak, dodging the crows flying out of Keelerak’s pincers. “Is it my autobiography?” “ ” Keelerak emoticonned. “No, and since when do you have an autobiography? This is my scrapbook of all the crazy hilarious adventures we’ve all gotten up to, as well as the others on Metru Nui. Let’s see…” As the emerald Visorak flipped through the book and Roporak tried to shoo away the crows now pecking at his abdomen, Oohnorak started rummaging around through his own compartment but gave up after a few seconds. “Hmm, guess not, then. I thought I had written one, but apparently it’s not here.” “Since when do you write books?” “...” [Translation: “And since when can you not remember if you wrote one or not?”] “Uhh…” uhhed Oohnorak. “Hey, look, a distraction!” “WHERE? I love distractions!” As Vohtarak turned to find the distraction, Oohnorak shot out some webs and Spider-Manned away through the buildings. “‘Spider-Manned?’” asked Boggarak. “Really?” Look, you try finding a better word to describe that! I’m the author, so what I say goes. Now quit complaining. Boggarak groaned. “Ugh...fine…” THANK YOU. Anyway, Keelerak continued flipping through his scrapbook, finally slamming it shut in frustration. “Last year we didn’t do anything. A few of the Toa got together and helped the Narrator recite a Naming Day poem, but that was about it.” “Typical. I told you, we never celebrate anything around here,” said Boggarak. “Which Toa were they? Maybe we can ask them for advice.” “Onua, Tava, Takanuva, Kopaka, Matau, and Nokama, according to this.” Everyone stared at Keelerak. Keelerak stared back at Everyone. “What are you doing here?” “I was looking for the bathroom…” said the Po-Matoran. “ ” all of the Visorak emoticonned. “It’s definitely not on the roof,” Boggarak told the Matoran. “Really?” “That wouldn’t even make any sense.” “...” [Translation: “But BIONICLE characters don’t even go to the--”] “Yeah, okay, whatever,” interrupted Everyone. “I’ll check under the kitchen table next. Bye!” He then left as randomly as he had come. “Well, all that weirdness notwithstanding,” said Boggarak, “did you say Toa Matau and Toa Nokama were helping with the poem last year? That doesn’t make any sense. They were Turaga for hundreds of years before we all moved back here, as proven by the fact that the Toa Nuva are with us. So how could that possibly have been last year?” “Beats me,” said Keelerak. Then an eggbeater appeared out of nowhere and started beating him. “Ow! That’s weird! Stop it!” The eggbeater vanished. “I know why! Because of CHEESE!” suggested Roporak with a . “No one asked your opinion.” Keelerak put his nonexistent chin on one of his pincers, creating a very weird-looking pose for a Visorak, as he thought. “Well, the book says it was last year. Which makes sense, since we just got done with a crazy crossover where we visited the Toa Nuva with Toa Matau and the others. But then how are the Metru all Turaga now? It’s only been a few weeks!” “...” [Translation: “Better not think too hard about it. Our brains will explode.”] “I told you, the Cheese did it! Never doubt the power of Cheese! Cheese is sacred! Cheese is just!” “Enough,” said Vohtarak. “Go form a religion then, if you’re so--” “NO! SHUT UP, VOHTARAK!!” Keelerak, Suukorak, and Boggarak screamed (or in Suukorak’s case, subtitled) simultaneously. “ :ziplip ” emoticonned Vohtarak. Keelerak sighed. “Phew. That was a close one. The last thing we need is another crossover adventure involving CHEESEONICLE.” “Amen to that, brother.” “Aww…” complained Roporak with a . “Trust me, it’s for your own good. So, I guess we’re on our own for ideas this year, and we’ve learned not to take Lewa0111 comedy continuity (or lack thereof) very seriously. Anybody?” There was silence for several long seconds. Suukorak’s subtitles were also absent, so he wasn’t speaking either. “Well,” said Vohtarak finally, “if no one has any other ideas, I guess we’re going with mine. Online games all day!” “We are NOT doing that…” muttered Boggarak. “Then somebody better think of something.” Luckily, the Visorak who weren’t Vohtarak were saved from having to think of an idea on their own when Oohnorak suddenly Spider-Manned (shut up, Boggarak) up from another building. This time, however, they all noticed the webs attached to his rear were now much more colorful. And lit-up. And festive. “...” ellipsed Suukorak. [Translation: “Uhh, Oohnorak? Did you notice you have Naming Day lights stuck to your behind?”] Keelerak held his serious face for about two seconds before he, and the others, all burst out laughing at the sight of Oohnorak with a light-up string attached to his back end. “Shut up, it’s not funny!” “Well, this is a comedy,” Boggarak pointed out. “And it’s hilarious. What happened?” Oohnorak glared at him before explaining. “Apparently, Nuparu borrowed an old building and is using it as a discount Naming Day-themed electronics store. Thing is, Nuparu being Nuparu, he added a whole bunch of extra floors to the store, and put it right smack in one of my usual Spider-Manning spots. So I swung through as usual, and the next thing I know, I’m crashing through a store with Naming Day lights getting stuck to all of my webbing! I think I swallowed a bunch, too, so creating new webbing doesn’t help. It still comes out with lights attached.” “AHAHAHAHAHAHA--okay, sorry, that’s enough,” said Keelerak. “But you did give me a great idea--pffftttchhBAHAHAHAHAHA!” Keelerak, along with the other Visorak, all broke down into more uncontrollable laughter for several moments while Oohnorak just glared at them. Finally, they calmed down again. “Okay, for real this time, I’m done. Anyway, here’s my idea. Oohnorak? Where was Nuparu’s new store again?” “I’ll show you. But...Keelerak, what exactly did you have in mind?” As the six Visorak prepared to Spider-Man (“Ugh…” groaned Boggarak) across the city to find the store, Keelerak explained, “I’ll tell you what I have in mind. We’re going to cover the entire city with--” “CHEESE!!” “ ” was all Keelerak had to say to that interruption. * * * “Careful with that,” warned Kohrak-Kal as a squad of Nuhvok moved large quantities of boxes full of flight Kanoka, Kanohi Kadin, Kanohi Miru, Rahkshi staffs, and other flight-related objects from the storeroom to Toa Santa’s Axalara. Nearby, Nuhvok-Kal used his gravity powers to show off as he helped some Bohrok Va and Mini-Bohrok to bring the even larger quantities of gifts (and boxes of Zamor Lawn Chairs) out of the gift workshop to the Axalara. “Really, Nuhvok-Kal?” “What?” asked the onyx-flavored Bohrok-Kal as he increased gravity around a random Mini-Bohrok, crushing the robotic creature. “I’m bored.” He then continued levitating more packages over to the Axalara. Kohrak-Kal picked up a box of his own and carried it manually over to the Axalara. “This is no time to be goofing around; tonight is Naming Day Eve! This is what we’ve been working for all year!” Nuhvok-Kal shrugged. “Not my fault you have a lame power.” “Lame power! I’ll show you lame…” Kohrak-Kal unleashed a sonic blast that rendered Nuhvok-Kal temporarily deaf. A blizzard mixed with Naming Day lights and Santa hats suddenly blew in, blasting both Bohrok-Kal backward. “Knock it off, both of you,” said a randomly appeared Toa Santa. “We don’t have much time left. Let’s just get all of this loaded up!” Kohrak-Kal immediately returned to his duties when he glanced back at the Axalara. A thought suddenly occurred to him. “Hey, wait a second, how is all of this stuff going to fit on this one vehicle? I know it’s big, but not that big.” “You’ll see for yourself…” said Toa Santa as he turned away with a wink. “Hey, that’s mine!” protested Random Gahlok #272, chasing after Toa Santa to get its wink back. * * * “Prepare for takeoff,” said Toa Santa, riding on his Axalara. In front of it, nine Kikanalo with Kanohi Kadin duct taped to their feet were tied up, their backs loaded with more boxes full of gifts. The Axalara was weighted down with even more gifts, and behind it, a bizarre contraption made of superglued-together Rahkshi staffs, Miru, and Flight Kanoka was tied to the vehicle, holding the vast majority of the gifts and lawn chairs atop it. “Uh...are you sure this is safe?” asked Kohrak-Kal. “Relax, brother,” said Gahlok-Kal, tapping her brother on the shoulder. Then she paused. “Ah. Sorry. Darn magnetism...talk about an annoying power,” she added once they realized her handplate was now stuck to Kohrak-Kal’s armor. “Just great.” “Hang on a second,” said Toa Santa, chucking a giant Naming Day tree at the two of them. The tree hit Gahlok-Kal’s handplate and unstuck it, though now she had a Naming Day tree magnetized to herself instead. “That’s slightly better, I guess. Now let’s go!” The Bohrok-Kal quickly climbed aboard (and Gahlok-Kal accidentally knocked several Mini-Bohrok off the vehicle with her Naming Day tree-hand in the process) as Toa Santa began the takeoff. “On Olmak, on Kaukau, on Elda, on Zatth! On Shelek, on Huna, on Sanok, on Crast! And you too, Vahi,” he added, referring to the red-horned Kikanalo at the front of the line. As one, the nine Kikanalo launched themselves into the air, dragging the vehicle and attached platform along with them. The Naming Day procession soared through the air on the way to Metru Nui. “The Kikanalo are all named after Kanohi?” asked Kohrak-Kal. Gahlok-Kal shrugged, accidentally knocking Lehvak-Kal off the vehicle with her tree-hand. “Oops, sorry...yeah, Toa Santa likes the theme. There’s no particular reason.” Lehvak-Kal rocketed back up onto the vehicle using his vacuum powers. “GAHLOK-KAL YOU MAGNETIC LITTLE #### YOU DAUGHTER OF A #### ####### ## I’M GOING TO TEAR OFF YOUR ######## ### ### AND SHOVE IT RIGHT UP YOUR ##### ######## #### AND THEN ## ### ## # #### ON YOUR ###### ## #### ### WITH ############### IN THE ### ## #### # ### AND ### ### ###### ### ## YOUR ### ###### # ############ SO THEN YOU’LL HAVE TO ########### #### ## ##### SIDEWAYS! ###########################################!” “ ” emoticonned Gahlok-Kal. “That was...interesting. Talk about an overreaction.” “Okay, glad I got that out of my system. I’m not mad anymore! ” “ :doubleblink: ” emoticonned Gahlok-Kal again. “That’s not even a real emoticon, and also, no swearing allowed on the Axalara,” said Toa Santa. “Stay focused! We’re almost there!” “Sorry,” said Lehvak-Kal sheepishly, growing wool and walking on all fours as he did so. “Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…” Finally, the Axalara carrying one Toa of Naming Day, five normal Bohrok-Kal, and one sheepish Bohrok-Kal shot out of the tunnels and entered Metru Nui’s airspace--only to run into a group of Dark Hunters on a boat. Upon closer examination, the three Dark Hunters in question were Zaktan, Hakann, and Avak, arguing about something as usual and adding even more confusing questions to the earlier-discussed continuity snarl in Lewa0111 comedies. “Okay, Nuhvok-Kal, will you do the honors?” asked Toa Santa. “Gladly!” exclaimed the Bohrok-Kal in question as he rummaged through one box until he found three Zamor Lawn Chairs. “Here you go, catch!” “What the--?” asked the Piraka simultaneously as the three lawn chairs landed in their hands. “See you later!” Toa Santa’s procession continued onward as the Piraka opened their packages. “Cool, a Zamor Launcher!” exclaimed Hakann. “Let’s use this!” He opened the package--which promptly expanded into a lawn chair, knocking him into the air only to land with a crash in the water. “WHAT THE OAIJSDFOAIWEJFWEOJBOIJA”PSIEJFAOIJGAOIHGAJRLFIHAE…” * * * “YEEEOWW!” screamed Kohrak-Kal suddenly as he was yanked off the Axalara and blinded by light. “What’s going on?” Beside him, Gahlok-Kal and Toa Santa were similarly suspended. The other Kohrak-Kal, the Axalara and attachment, and the nine Kikanalo were nowhere to be seen. “Someone tried to trap us!” said the Toa of Naming Day. “Hold on, I’ll get us out of here.” Toa Santa pulled his Naming Day Tree-shaped Toa tool off of Gahlok-Kal’s handplate and started focusing his power to blast away the sticky strands of Naming Day lights. “Look out below!” “Wait, why--AAAAAAAH!” screamed Kohrak-Kal as he plummeted to the ground several mio below. They looked around to take stock of their surroundings. The Axalara and its attached platformdog were hovering just above the ground a short distance away, and the other Bohrok-Kal were still suspended in what they could now see were webs covered in Naming Day lights stretching between the buildings above. “All right, very funny,” groaned Toa Santa. “We’ve got a real prankster on Metru Nui this year--they’re definitely getting a lawn chair if I can find out who did it. Now, let me get the others down and--” He was interrupted by the arrival of six Visorak who approached their group in a circle. Why their group was suddenly in a circle, Toa Santa didn’t know, and anyway, he had bigger problems. “Hey, we caught something just like I said! Told you I know everything!” exclaimed Oohnorak. “You don’t know everything, you just know this thing,” retorted Keelerak. “And--wait a minute, this can’t be right! Is that who I think it is!?!?!?!?!?!?!?” Pohatu appeared. “I love--” “DON’T USE THAT JOKE!” shouted the Visorak, Toa Santa, and the Bohrok-Kal. With a , Pohatu jumped back through his time-comedy warp portal into The Nuva Inn. “Wait a minute, you’re the Visorak from Ask Matau!, aren’t you? That means--” said Toa Santa. “You’re Toa Santa, aren’t you?” said Keelerak at the same time. “WAIT, YOU REALLY EXIST!?!?!?” both shouted simultaneously. Gahlok-Kal magnetized the portal shut before Pohatu could return. An awkward silence followed. “Well, this is an awkward silence,” muttered Kohrak-Kal. I just said that! You’re as bad as Oohnorak. DON’T COMMENT, OOHNORAK. “...” said Suukorak. [Translation: “Well, somehow I don’t think any of us expected this. Now what?”] “Yeah, uh, sorry about that,” added Keelerak. “We weren’t exactly expecting you.” “Who were you expecting, then?” “Onewa!” Toa Onewa suddenly fell from the sky and landed in the webbing. “HEY! What did I ever do to you, huh?” Keelerak thought for a moment. “Let’s see...you insulted Matau, creeped on Nokama, annoyed Whenua, look like chocolate, have an ugly mask, generally act like a word I can’t say on BZP, and also sent us tons of viruses. Is that enough, or should I go on?” “YOU LET ME DOWN FROM HERE RIGHT NOW--” Oohnorak promptly tangled Onewa up even further so that his mouth was covered by the webbing. “How about no? Now, Toa Santa, where’s my gift?” “Your gift?” asked Toa Santa. “You haven’t been too nice this year. You’ve been egotistical, arrogant, condescending…” “Those are all compliments, right?” “You’re as bad as Matau,” groaned Boggarak. “I HEARD THAT!” shouted Matau all the way in Le-Metru. Toa Santa sighed. “Well, if you insist...Kohrak-Kal, do you mind grabbing me a Zamor from my bag?” Kohrak-Kal grabbed a Zamor Lawn Chair and handed it to Oohnorak. Oohnorak looked at the device. “Cool, thanks! I’ll open it later, though. First, we need to finish working on that giant statue of me I had Hafu carve.” “When did you have Hafu--you know what, never mind. I don’t want to know,” said Keelerak. “Toa Santa, do you need our help? We’re really sorry you got stuck in our prank web. But you have to admit, it is festive!” Toa Santa glanced upward at the webs of lights strung across the city. “It certainly is. And I thank you. Do you mind freeing my Kikanalo first? They can help me out.” “No problem! Guys, let’s do this.” “Sorry, I’m busy,” said Vohtarak, sitting by himself with a laptop. “CHEESE!” shouted Roporak, pulling out a gigantic spray-can of cheese and spraying Toa Santa with it. Keelerak rolled his eyes (somehow). “Sorry about them...okay, the rest of us, let’s go.” Keelerak, Oohnorak, Suukorak, and Boggarak all climbed up the webs, leaving the two obsession-crazed Visorak behind, and crawled across to where the nine Kikanalo were trapped. They all positioned themselves between two Kikanalo each. “On three. One, two, three!” shouted Boggarak, and they all cut the webs. “BLARGHLGLARGHL!” blarghlglarghled the Kikanalo, which all zoomed off in random directions, soaring over the horizon and lost to sight. The Visorak collectively facepalmed. “Great…” groaned Oohnorak. “...” [Translation: “Now what? Santa’s Kikanalo all flew away.”] “That’s all right,” said Toa Santa, hovering near them on his Axalara. “We’ll just make Lehvak-Kal and Nuhvok-Kal pull the Axalara instead!” “Why us!?” demanded Lehvak-Kal. “Because they took our only Kadin available, and you two are the only ones who can remotely come close to flying. Now get pulling! We’ve got a job to do. Bye Visorak, have fun with your pranks!” “Wha--you’re leaving already? Talk about an abrupt ending…” “Yes, well, this comedy has dragged on long enough for a one-post, and the night is almost over. I have every being in the MU to visit, after all! Which reminds me--here are your gifts,” he added, pulling out five neatly-wrapped packages to hand out to everyone besides Oohnorak. “Now, let’s be off!” With a very grumpy Nuhvok-Kal and Lehvak-Kal pulling it, the Axalara and the attached platform flew up above Metru Nui and zoomed away to visit a less webby island. “Think maybe we should take down the webs so he can come back to deliver Metru Nui’s presents?” suggested Keelerak. “Nah,” said Boggarak. “What’s the worst that could happen?” * * * Meanwhile, Vahi the red-horned Kikanalo kept struggling against its sticky, light-covered bonds. “Garreeeerrrrt!” it yelled in Kikanaloese, or, in English, “Umm, anyone? A little help here?” THE END Bob the Word Counting Kikanalo: This comedy has 3,817 words. HOLY GADUNKA! Gadunka: What? Bob: Not you….and I’m not reusing old jokes from the last holiday. Go away. Gadunka: Fine… ~Merry Christmas from Lewa# Studios! Halloween Special 2014 Thanksgiving Special 2014 :mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva
  4. It will be 2015 very soon now. Last question of the year: How has 2014 been for you?
  5. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! (Unless you live outside of America. In which case, happy end-of-November, everyone! (Unless you live outside of Earth. In which case, happy generic day for no reason, everyone! (Unless you live outside of existence. In which case, happy nothing, because you don’t exist! (Whoa, parenthesis within parenthesis. (This is so weird! (Okay, I’m done now. Sorry for getting carried away…)))))) Hopefully you all had a day free of insane pie-obsessed Matoran. The same, unfortunately, cannot be said for our favorite Bionicle comedy characters! So now I present to you the second installment of the revived Lewa# Studios Holiday Series for your listening reading enjoyment. Note: The previous Thanksgiving Day special, one of the few that survived the archives, can be found here if anyone is interested. A link to the previous comedies in this year's Holiday Series can be found at the end of the topic. Enjoy! A Thanksmatau Day Feast A BIONICLE comedy by Me! Part 2 of the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series 2014-2015 Turaga Nokama sighed for the 9,321st time that week as the unconscious costumed Toa Nuva were carted away by the Vahki. Matau was still laughing his mask off in the other room at his Madu-related prank, but Nokama was less than amused. “Matau,” she said, “what in Mata Nui’s brain possessed you to ruin yet another holiday? At your age, you really should have matured by now.” “But I am mature! Just because I’m mature doesn’t mean I can’t act like a little kid and pull pranks and be childish! ...Or does it? What does “mature” mean again?” “It’s times like these that I can’t tell if you’re senile or just dumb.” “If you must know, it was Whenua’s idea. Besides, Turaga Dume’s holidays ruin themselves without fail every single time. It’s not like I could possibly have made anything worse,” Matau pointed out, completely ignoring Nokama’s insult as usual. To add to his point, a large explosion echoed from the general direction of the Coliseum as the big pumpkin the Matoran had been attempting to stick on the top of the building spontaneously combusted for no apparent reason, raining pumpkin chunks everywhere. “See?” “PIE! I’ll make a Pumpkin Pie!!” shouted Tava, who had somehow awakened instantaneously due to the smell of potential pie ingredients. The Toa of Pie started running around hyperly, gathering all of the pumpkin pieces together to bake hundreds of pies, which he promptly ate. “Just promise me you’ll be on your best behavior for the next holiday. What is the next holiday, anyway?” “Let me see…” Matau pulled out the large stone tablet that Turaga Dume had chiseled the dates of all of his holidays for that year upon. “Hey, look at that! Next up is Thanksgiving! That’s one of my favorite holidays!” With a , Nokama asked, “Why Thanksgiving? Last year as I recall, you got beaten up by Keetongu. I’d think you would hate that holiday.” “Last year wasn’t too great, but I mostly like reminiscing about one of our earliest Thanksgivings. It was back when we were still Toa...back in the days of Ask Matau!...” Matau promptly fell asleep. So did Nokama a few minutes later due to the boredom of Matau being asleep. Luckily, however, when Nokama fell asleep, she accidentally landed on the Random Flashback Generator Button (a gift from Nixie some time before). The generator immediately flashed back to the very same holiday that Matau had mentioned in a remarkable coincidence. [FLASHBACK!] Toa Matau logged off of his computer and sat back in his chair. “Another hilarious episode of Ask Matau! finished!” he said contentedly. “So, Nokama, did you want to go out--” *SLAP!* “--go outside because it’s hot in here,” finished Matau with a . “Oh, oops...sorry! Whenua, do you mind?” asked Nokama. “No problem!” The Toa Metru of Earth lifted Matau up and threw him into the kitchen. A few minutes later, he came back out, wide awake, riding a wave of cheese with a very ecstatic Roporak surfing on said wave and shoveling cheese into his mouth. “There, he’s awake.” “What was that for!?!?!?!?!?” demanded Matau as he spat cheese out of his mouth. Pohatu appeared but was shoved back by the cheese wave into the time-comedy warp vortex before he could say his line. Whenua shrugged. “Like I said. You’re awake. Anyway, what should we do now?” “We could start another episode--” Matau began, but was cut off when he noticed Vohtarak had already taken the computer. “Or not.” “Why don’t you all go into the city and walk around for a while?” offered Keelerak. “We Visorak can watch the house.” “HA! No way, that sounds boring. I’d rather do...not-that.” “Well, I think it’s a great idea,” said Nokama. “Exploring Metru Nui is always fun.” Immediately Matau got excited. “Of course, that’s a brilliant idea! Let’s explore Metru Nui! That would be super fun and I always wanted to do that!” he exclaimed. “Let’s go let’s go let’s go!!” “ “ Keelerak emoticonned. “Whatever, we’ll see you three later!” * * * The three Toa Metru (or as Matau would put it, the Three Awesome Metru) walked through Le-Metru in the general direction of the Coliseum. Luckily, the Coliseum was so big, even Matau couldn’t get lost if he was looking for it. The streets, however, were oddly devoid of Matoran. “Where is everyone, I wonder?” asked Nokama. “I’m right here, duh,” said Everyone, a Po-Matoran with a weird name. “Are you wondering why I’m not at that feast, too? I figured there’s always next year.” “Feast?” asked Matau and Whenua at the same time. “No, but it sounds interesting,” Nokama said to Everyone. “This is the first I’ve heard of the feast. I guess we should check it out. Where is it?” “At the Coliseum. Or Colosseum. However you spell it. Bye!” Everyone left as randomly as he had come. “Food?” asked Matau and Whenua at the same time. Nokama looked at them. “Wow, you must be hungry if that’s all you can say…” she observed, after realizing that they hadn’t eaten all day due to the kitchen-destroying cheese tsunami from earlier. “Let’s get to the Coliseum and check out this feast.” “FOOD! YES THANK YOU NOKAMA YOU ARE AMAZING I LOVE YOU!!” Matau then tried to kiss Nokama, but the Toa of Water ducked and sent him flying four paragraphs ahead with a well-placed *SLAP!* “ “ emoticonned Whenua. “That was...violent.” “Eh, I’m having a bad day. Let’s just go.” The Toa continued onward until they got close to the Coliseum. From there, they could smell something very delicious wafting out from inside the building. “Mmm, that smells great!” “It’s all my fault there’s all this food! It’s all my fault it smells so good! It’s all my fault there’s so much pie!” said a voice from inside. “It’s all my fault that it’s annoying! It’s all my fault that it’s all my fault!” Surprisingly, it wasn’t Vakama who came out to greet them, however. Instead, it was Onewa, who quickly slammed the doors shut to muffle Vakama’s constant complaints. “Nokama! Just the Toa I wanted to see. Finally decided to ditch Matau? Great, then you can sit with me for the feast! No hard feelings, Whenua, but she’s mine now--MMMMMMF!” The “MMMMMMF!” was because at that moment, Matau had flown in from four paragraphs ago and landed on top of the Toa of Stone. Matau looked down at the flattened Onewa. “Oh, good, it wasn’t anyone not-annoying.” He stood up and brushed himself off. “Ouch…” “Yeah, sorry about that. I guess I hit a little too hard,” apologized Nokaam. “Wait, don’t tell me the Kraata of Letter Control was invited, too!” “Of course I was!” said the aforementioned kraata, slithering over the unconscious Oonywah. “That’s right!” added Turaga Dume who had come outside to see what was going on. “Everyone who is anyone is here! But not anyone who is Everyone, unfortunately. I asked, but he didn’t seem interested.” “Yeah, we met him already. Can we come?” “Sure! You’re everyone who is anyone, but not Everyone! Of course you’re invited!” “I’m confused…” muttered Matau as they walked inside. * * * Upon entering the Coliseum/Colosseum/whatever, the three Toa Metru were assaulted by all kinds of smells (mostly food), sights (Vakama annoying Nuju into unconsciousness, Tava running around like a maniac eating pies, Vahki looking forlonrly at the food they were unable to eat due to being robots, the Kraata of Letter Control making me spell “forlornly” wrong a few words ago), sounds (Tava’s omnipresent shout of “PIE!”, the grunts of random Rahi that had also been invited, the squish of pies being flung into Tava’s open mouth), and other things. A massive ringed table had been set up in the center of the building, but unfortunately, only the outer part of the ring was being used due to the table being so wide that no one could reach the inside without stepping in a lot of the food. “Well,” said Whenua, “let’s eat!” He, Matau, and Nokama found three empty seats in a row, in between a Kraata of Emoticons and Random Matoran #35. ”I call middle!” shouted Matau, sitting in the middle chair. “Ouch!” yelled Minifigure Kongu, who Matau had just accidentally sat on. “Watch where you put your butt!” “Oops,” said Matau with a , as he started sprouting wool, walking on four legs, and generally turning into a sheep. Nokama just sighed. “Guess he’s sheepish again.” “ *rimshot* “ rimshotted Random Matoran #35. “Nah, it’s okay, I can move. I was getting annoyed about not being able to see the food, anyway,” said Minifigure Kongu as he hopped up onto the table and took a seat on a dinner roll. Or, rather, a Dinner Roll Pie, since every food on the table was actually made in pie form. Whenua stared after the sheepish Matau. “Guess we have to wait for him to be done, then….” * * * Several minutes later, Matau had un-sheepified himself and sat down between Nokama and Whenua. “Sorry, I was sheepish,” he said, “what did I miss? Ooh! Food!” Matau immediately began grabbing slices of the many, many pies on the table. “Not much, to be honest. Just randomness, as usual. Minifigure Kongu fell into a Gravy Pie, Tava had to be restrained with a straightjacket made of Antipie over in the corner, and somebody accidentally invited the Piraka for no reason, so they’ve been stealing everyone else’s pies. Other than that, it’s been pretty normal.” “...” ellipsed Matau, the only reasonable response to such a description. “Huh. Oh well!” He immediately began digging in to all the food. “Hey, use your own Toa tools!” complained Whenua, snatching his drills back from Matau who had been using them to dig with. “But Air Katana aren’t as good at digging!” Just then, Nokama noticed Turaga Dume attempting to get everyone’s attention up on his elevating platform thing. However, he appeared to be performing some sort of weird charades. “Guys, look!” “ “ emoticonned Whenua, growing an afro on his head. “ “ agreed Matau. Nokama stared at the two Toa in puzzlement for several moments, and then noticed the nearby Kraata of Emoticon Control. “That does it,” she groaned, and summoned a massive waterspout beneath said kraata’s chair, sending the creature flying into the next year. “Thank you,” said Whenua. “What’s Dume doing?” Dume went into a flurry of hand motions that resembled the Chicken Dance before launching into something much like the Macarena, which looked especially weird without music. Then there was a sudden commotion from somewhere behind the Three Awesome Metru, and Nuparu jumped up from inside a maintenance hatch in the floor, his mask askew and covered in engine oil. “Sorry, Dume! I didn’t realize--hang on!” He then ducked back in and seemed to be rummaging around, tossing out various random objects including an old Olmak, a few protodermis canisters, a two-headed Tarakava, a Bohrok, and a paperclip. As soon as the paperclip flew away, an earsplitting screech echoed through the area. “OWWWW!” screamed Matau. “WHAT THE KARZAHNI IS THAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?” A cheese-covered Pohatu appeared and said his usual line, but no one could hear him over the racquet. He jumped off the tennis racquet and repeated his line. “By the way, I love exclamation points and--” “DON’T USE THAT JOKE!” shouted Matau, shoving him back through the time-comedy warp vortex. With a , Pohatu vanished. “Sorry, sorry!” yelled Nuparu, making a few more adjustments to the whatever-it-was beneath the floor. Finally, the screeching stopped, and Turaga Dume’s voice echoed through the building: “AHEM! Testing, 1, 2, 3...Is this thing on? Mega-Muaka-mauled-a-mob-of-mighty-Mukau. Oh good, it’s working!” Seeing everyone staring up at him with an expression resembling the “blink” emoticon on their faces, he quickly continued, “Sorry about that, we’ve been having issues with Nuparu’s new sound system all day. Anyway, welcome to the first ever Metru Nui Thanksgiving feast!” “Hey, didn’t the first feast already happen? Or...happen in the future? Or whatever? I’m pretty sure Takanuva went nuts, everyone went on quests to find various food items, and lots of shenanigans involving pie happened,” shouted Random Matoran #35. “Right, first, that originally happened, but it is no longer canon since the comedy got deleted in the BZP archive purge, so it doesn’t count. And second, no breaking the fourth wall.” “HYPOCRITE!” shouted Random Matoran #35. A hippo inside a crate suddenly landed on his head. “ “ he emoticonned. “I said hypocrite, not hippo crate!” The hippo-in-crate disappeared as randomly as it had come. Dume cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention again. “So, yes, anyhow. I’m pleased to announce this new holiday and I think it is important that we all celebrate things. So let’s eat!” In a move that shocked everyone (but no one more than Nokama), Matau of all people raised his hand to interrupt, rather than just continuing to eat like crazy. “Hey Dume, you didn’t explain what this holiday is for, anyway!” “ “ Dume emoticonned. “Matau!?” Nokama put one foot on the time-comedy warp vortex that was about to open before Pohatu could reuse his joke from earlier. “Yeah, I’m surprised too...who are you and what have you done with Matau Metru?” “Calm down, everyone, can’t I ask a question once in a while? Artakha, people, come on!” Artakha, who had been ignored by everyone up until now but was indeed at the feast, looked up from a mouthful of pie. “What?” “Not you, I just said ‘Artakha’ as an expression. I wasn’t calling your name.” “Oh. That’s confusing as all Karzahni…” “WHAT!?” demanded Karzahni, halfway through an Evil Pie. “Not you, I just said ‘Karzahni’ as an expression. I wasn’t calling your name.” “Oh,” said Karzahni. “Artakha! That’s hard to follow.” “What?” asked Artakha. “Not you, I just said--” “ENOUGH ALREADY!” demanded Dume, cranking the volume on the sound system up to full blast and cutting off the overly-long joke. “Also, no swearing in BIONICLE. Let’s get back on topic. To answer your question, Matau, this is a holiday commemorating...something, I’m not sure what, but basically we are thankful for everything in our lives. Thankful for this city, this building, the pie on our plates, the pie in our stomachs, the Matoran who work to keep everything running, the Toa who protect us, the--” “Hey,” Matau interrupted again. “What was that last one?” “‘The Toa who protect us?’” Nokama facepalmed. “Oh no, I know where this is going…” she groaned. Beside her, Whenua rolled his eyes and nodded in agreement. “That’s a great idea!” said Matau, getting up from the table and walking over to where Nuparu was still fiddling with his machinery. “I think we should focus completely on that. Hey Nuparu, can I borrow your sound system for a minute?” “No,” said Nuparu. “Okay, great.” Matau grabbed a spare microphone from out of Nuparu’s hands and addressed the audience: "Huh?" asked the audience. Oh, sorry. My bad. Matau grabbed a spare microphone from out of Nuparu’s hands and spoke to the audience: “I definitely like your idea, Dume, don’t get me wrong, but doesn’t that seem like a lot of stuff to worry about being thankful for? I have a better idea: we should use this day to be thankful for one thing in particular. The Toa who protect us, as you said! Or, three of those Toa in particular. We should use this day to be thankful for the Three Awesome Metru: my super-cool best friend Whenua, the totally hot Nokama, and the greatest Toa-Hero of all time, me! Toa Mat--” *SLAP!!* The “slap heard ‘round the city” echoed through the Coliseum, magnified by the microphone Matau was still holding. “You really should have seen that one coming,” Nokama muttered. “I...didn’t...think… “ said Matau. Whenua walked over to Nokama and Matau, looking down at the barely-coherent Toa of Air. “Uh-oh...anybody on hand to heal him?” Tava ran out of the kitchens with several pies in his hands. As he ran, he ate all but one of the pies. “Pie!” exclaimed the pie-obsessed Matoran, holding aloft his last pie. “I made a Panacea Pie!” As they all watched, he pied Matau in the face with it, instantly healing the Toa of Air. “I’m gonna go make a Thanksmatau Pie, see you later!” He immediately dashed back into the kitchen, chanting decimals of pi to himself as he did so. “Wow, that was great! Good job, weird pie-obsessed Matoran!” He looked around at the assembled crowd. “Actually, that gave me an idea.” “We should thank Tava for healing you?” offered Nokama. Matau scoffed. “Of course not, that’s ridiculous, and who’s ‘Tava’ anyway? No, I have an idea for the new holiday! From now on, I declare that this holiday will no longer be called ‘Thanksgiving,’ because that was a stupid name anyway (and actually is a hilarious swear word in Chutespeak, but never mind that). Instead, it will be called ‘Thanksmatau Day!’ A day where everyone goes around and thanks me (and the other two Awesome Metru) for helping protect the city, control elements, and generally be awesome.” Dume’s jaw dropped and stayed there for several seconds. “That...is the single dumbest thing that has ever come out of your mouth, Matau. And that’s saying something!” Matau shrugged. “Hey, at least it’s better than your last maybe-non-canon attempt at a Thanksgiving feast…” “A fair point, but still.” Just then, a flying vehicle zoomed so fast through the building that it crashed through the wall. Matau and the others barely had time to register Kongu behind the controls with a screaming Tamaru behind him before the vehicle crashed into the far wall, landing on the ground and skidding directly toward Vakama. “AAH!” screamed the Toa Metru of Fire. “It’s all my fault that vehicle is crashing! It’s all my fault Tamaru’s scared! It’s all my fault I’m gonna die! It’s all my fault I’m in the way!” Matau, more because Vakama was annoying him and he thought Kongu was cool rather than particularly wanting to save the annoying Toa, summoned a tornado that grabbed the vehicle and lifted it up, setting it down safely outside the building’s entrance (and on top of the still-unconscious Onewa, incidentally). “Never fear!” said Matau, striking a stereotypical superhero pose. “I, Toa Matau, have saved the day again as usual! Now you have something else to thank me for!” “Wow,” said Vakama, wiping his nonexistent brow at the near-miss. “Thanks, Matau!” “ “ gasped everyone. “He said something other than ‘It’s all my fault!’” “I thought you said you weren’t coming!” Dume demanded of Everyone, who just shrugged and grabbed a pie to eat. “It’s all my fault I said something besides ‘It’s all my fault!’” whined Vakama. “It’s all my fault Matau saved the day! It’s all my fault Everyone is here!” Kongu and a petrified Tamaru walked in (well, Kongu walked in, Tamaru just sort of shuffled in out of fear). “Thanks for the save-rescue, Matau,” said Kongu. “Yeah...th-th-thanks for p-permitting-letting me n-not die!” agreed Tamaru. Nokmaa rolexed her eyeyeys. “Oh, great. The last thing we need is people supporting this crazy Matau holiday. AND YOU’RE NOT HELPING!” she added, glaring at the kraata of letter control. “It’s all my fault I thanked Matau! It’s all my fault I’m supporting this holiday! It’s all my fault that it’s all my fau--” Matau promptly knocked Vakama out with a randomly appeared rubber mallet. “THANKS, MATAU!” shouted everyone in the entire building, relieved at not having to listen to Vakama any longer. “Awesome!" said Matau. “This is getting off to a great start, don’t you agree?” Nokama just looked at Whenua, who had his head in his hands. “Let’s just go home and pretend this never happened, okay?” “I completely agree,” said Whenua. As the two Toa Metru turned to leaf, Matau noticed them. “Uh, Nokama, Whenua, have you looked at yourselves lately?” Leaf-Nokama and Leaf-Whenua looked down at themselves and indeed noticed that they had each transformed into a giant Toa-shaped leaf. “Weird…” said Leaf-Whenua. Brutaka accidentally stepped on the kraata of letter control, and the Toa Metru immediately transformed back to normal as they turned to leave. “That makes slightly more sense. But where are you going?” “Matau, this holiday of yours has gotten out of control. We were all having fun until you came along!” “Talk-speak for y-y-yourself…” muttered a still badly-shaken Tamaru. “Well, I like Thanksmatau Day! I think it’s a great holiday.” Whenua shook his head. “I think it would be more fun if we went back to your house and hung out there. Too many not-awesome people.” Just then, Nuju wandered past, babbling about grammar, calculus, and other extremely nerdy things that no one cared about. “See what I mean?” Matau looked at Nuju, Vakama, and the squished Onewa outside, who was just beginning to walk toward Matau with a very angry look on his face. “Hmm...good point. They do diminish my awesome Toa-Hero self. Okay, let’s go!” The Toa of Air jumped onto the crashed vehicle from earlier, smacked it across the dashboard, and it immediately rose up into the air. “Hop on!” “There is no way we’re riding in that,” commented Nokama. “Why can’t we just walk?” “Walking takes too long, for one, and it’s too boring for someone like me, for two. No need to thank me! Actually, there is a need to thank me, it’s Thanksmatau Day after all!” “I’m going to regret this…” muttered Nokama as she and Whenua climbed onto the vehicle. * * * *CRASH! BANG! SMASH! BAZOOK! CHUGALABANIGERF!* Three very dazed Toa Metru stumbled out of the vehicle’s wreckage and into Matau’s house. “I knew we should have walked…” muttered Nokama. “Let’s do that again sometime...” said Matau, still half-conscious. “Muaka...penguin...pizza…” gibberished Whenua. However, all three of them were instantly snapped back to their senses when they opened the door. The entire house was drenched in cheese, which upon further inspection had been used to fill a massive pie crust the size of Matau’s living room and kitchen combined. Atop the pie stood Tava and Roporak, who were apparently trying to figure out how to fit their massive creation into the oven. “CHEESE PIE!” Roporak shouted excitedly. “Like it?” “ “ emoticonned the three Toa. [/END FLASHBACK!] Back in the present, Matau woke up as the flashback generator ran out of batteries and powered down. “Huh? What? Darn whippersnappers always on my lawn! Back in the old days, we didn’t have lawns!” “Matau, we still don’t have a lawn,” Nokama pointed out. “Oh. Right,” he said. “Well, the moral of the story is: never leave Visorak unattended!” “What?” asked Turaga Whenua, shuffling into the room. “What are you talking about?” “I have absolutely no idea. But it’s Thanksmatau Day soon, so we should get ready! Where are all those pictures of me as a Toa?” Nokama sighed. “Some things never change….” THE END Bob the Word Counting Gukko: This comedy has 3,859 words. ~Happy Thanksgiving from Lewa# Studios! Halloween Special 2014 Lewa0111 Nuva
  6. Hello everyone! I know I promised to restart the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series on Halloween, but...well, it was Halloween. And thus I was busy doing Halloween-ish things. And thus not writing comedies. So here it is anyway, the (belated) return of the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series! Enjoy! (Also, try to guess which Toa is dressed in which costume, since I deliberately will not reveal who's who. Though one or two might be obvious... ) Why Toa Shouldn’t Trick-Or-Treat A BIONICLE comedy by Me! Part 1 of the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series 2014-2015 The place: Metru Nui, or more specifically, the deserted Coliseum, or more specifically, a few square meters of dirt near the center of the coliseum, or more specifically, 3.14 square meters of dirt centered on a spot approximately 2.3727391945 centimeters to the left of the center of the Coliseum. As if anyone actually cared. “3.14? Cool! That’s the same number as Pi! Pi goes like this: 3.141592653589793223…” observed an excited Tava, before going on to rattle off the digits of Pi to an absurd amount. ...Well, him caring about it goes without saying. But I digress. Anyway, the seven Toa Nuva (along with Tava, the Toa of Pie) were discussing the upcoming holiday Dume had declared across all of Metru Nui. “So apparently, Dume has declared it to be Halloween. Anyone know what that means?” asked Lewa. “It means, according to this set of tablets,” said Tahu, pulling out a large group of tablets that he proceeded to dump on Pohatu’s head to use as a table, “everyone is required to dress up in a costume and go to every hut on Metru Nui. The Matoran in the hut will pass out candy if we say “Trick or Treat.” Also, the costumes should be as scary and/or weird as possible for maximum holiday points.” “What are holiday points?” Tahu shrugged. “No idea. I hope they’re flammable though!” he added with a . Gali sighed. “You would. Anyway, what should we go as?” “I’ll go as a pie!” exclaimed Tava. “No, wait--I’ll go as Pi! Or...nah, pie sounds better! But Pi would be fun too…” The overly-obsessed Toa of Pie then wandered off, still debating with himself which to dress up as. “Well, I think we should keep it a secret until tomorrow,” Lewa said. “That way, when we show up in our costumes, we’ll have to guess who’s who!” “No,” argued Takanuva. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!” screamed Kopaka, as usual. “Why not? I think it’s a great idea!” “Because Tava already ruined it,” the Toa of Light pointed out. “We already know he’ll be going as Pie or Pi.” “Pretty sure we could have figured that one out even if he didn’t already tell us,” said Onua with a . “But I also like the idea of keeping it a secret. Should we take a vote?” “No,” Takanuva argued again. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!” “ “ emoticonned Gali. “First, I think we should take a vote on whether or not to take a vote…” “No.” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!” “Okay...a vote on whether or not to take a vote on whether or not to take a vote, then?” “No.” “AAAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!” The rest of the Toa facepalmed. “This will take all day…” muttered Onua. Several hours and exactly 9,321 separate votes on whether or not to take votes on whether or not to take...you get the idea, the vote was finally taken on whether or not to keep everyone’s costumes a secret. And it ended up being a tie, so they just flipped a coin. But since coins don’t exist in BIONICLE, they flipped a widget instead, which ended up landing on its side, wedged inside Random Matoran #35’s gears. Eventually they all just gave up and Lewa just decided they would keep the costumes a secret anyway, making the entire previous scene completely pointless. Each of the Toa retired to their respective houses to prepare their costumes. Occasional shouts of “PIE!” and “PI!” could be heard throughout the night, presumably by a certain obsessed Toa, but other than that, things went surprisingly without incident. Everyone was excited to start making their costumes, and throughout the island, various random Matoran were making as much candy as possible for the following day. The next morning, all of Metru Nui was decorated for the occasion. Turaga Dume had even swapped his normal mask out for a Kanohi Puhmpka, the Mask of Pumpkin Heads, which had the power of giving him a pumpkin for a head. The chutes had been dyed orange, which annoyed all of the Le-Matoran who were now orange-colored but gave everyone else a good laugh. Black cardboard Fikou spiders covered the forges of Ta-Metru. The Ga-Metru schools were wrapped completely in mummy wrappings, which meant none of the students could go to school (great for the students, but not so much for the disappointed teachers). The Archives were now filled with fake ghost statues with glow-in-the-dark eyes, along with some Fikou spiders that everyone assumed were decorations but had actually escaped from the Archives, as discovered by an unfortunate Matoran who got bitten. Po-Metru had carved numerous gigantic statues of jack-o-lanterns, witches, and Matoran skeletons, except for the occasional statue of Hafu that had slipped in for some reason. Ko-Metru looked the same as normal because everyone there was too obsessed with telescopes to bother celebrating. In the still-empty Coliseum, seven figures approached the center. (Yes, it was exactly in the center this time!) Everyone just groaned at the Toa wearing a giant pie around his waist, with the pi symbol for a mask. “Yes, Tava, we all know it’s you….” “I couldn’t decide, so I went with both pie and pi! Isn’t that wesome?” Then Tava noticed the typo. “Hey, where did that ‘a’ go?” “Ha, ha!” said a Toa dressed as the Rahkshi of Letter Control. “I borrowed the RLC’s actual staff for this costume. No idea it would still work for me!” They tehn strated ramdlee wvaing te staf arond and acidently mkang tpyos evrwher. “Stop that, you’ll ruin this comedy!” protested a Toa dressed up as Krekka. “What an unrealistic costume; Krekka doesn’t talk like that,” said Lewa. “And it’s also not scary.” “ “ emoticonned the Krekka-dressed Toa. “Lewa, you forgot your costume...And for that matter, so did you, Takanuva. Did you forget what day it was?” “No,” said Lewa. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!” screamed a Toa dressed up in a blank white sheet. “What are you supposed to be?” asked Lewa. “A ghost?” “Not a ghost; I’m going as a Klakk blinking in a blizzard in Ko-Wahi.” “Oh, okay. Nice Rock Monster costume over there, by the way. “Thanks! Scary, huh?” “Okay, okay, guys,” shouted Takanuva suddenly, “time out. I think we should start trying to guess each other’s costumes. Then we can all go trick-or-treating!” Lewa raised his hand. “Sounds good, but is everyone here?” “No,” said Takanuva. Everyone looked around. “Tahu’s not here!” observed the Po-Matoran named Everyone, who had accidentally wandered in. “Thanks for telling us, but this is a meeting for Toa only. Get out of here.” With a whunt, the Rock Monster kicked Everyone out of the Coliseum. However, he accidentally kicked the Matoran so hard that he flew all the way around the planet and landed back in the Coliseum, crushing the Rock Monster. “Why me!?” complained the disguised Toa with a . The Krekka-costumed Toa shrugged. “Yeah, where is Tahu, anyway?” “Probably forgot to show up,” said Takanuva. “Let’s just start guessing!” “No,” observed Lewa, pointing to the entrance where a red Toa-sized figure was rapidly approaching. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!” screamed the Klakk blinking in a blizzard in Ko-Wahi. The figure emerged into the light. “Hi, everyone! Can we start burning something?” asked the figure, who was in a costume that looked like a large, ugly version of a Toa. It wore overly smooth red armor with some gold highlights, had silver hands with bizarre fingers, and had a mask that looked like a Hau that had gone through a blender. “Like my costume?” When everyone saw it, they immediately followed the Klakk-costumed Toa's lead, running as fast as they could out of the building. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!” Some time later, once everyone had composed themselves, the Toa went to the Moto-Hub for the costume contest that Dume had announced about five seconds beforehand. Everyone had shown up for the occasion. So had the rest of the Matoran on the island, even the newly-orange Le-Matoran. Dume walked onto the hastily constructed stage that was actually a bunch of pipe cleaners tied together with Silly String. “Okay, I know everyone wants to get on with the trick-or-treating, but first we will have seven awards for the best costumes. Let me list them in order: 1) Most Detailed Costume: Rahkshi of Letter Control 2) Most Original Costume: Klakk Blinking In A Blizzard In Ko-Wahi 3) Weirdest Costume: Pie/Pi Fusion 4) Most Unrealistic Personality/Costume Mix: Krekka 5) The “Forgot My Costume” award: This one is a tie, Lewa and Takanuva 6) Oldest Reference: Rock Monster Before he could give the final award, Turaga Matau zoomed past in a new vehicle he was testing and plowed right through the stage. Amazingly, it still held, until Random Matoran #35 in the front row coughed. The entire thing promptly collapsed. “Well, that was inconvenient,” muttered Turaga Dume. “Watch where you’re going, young whippersnapper!” Turaga Matau zoomed by on his second lap. “Who are you calling young whippersnapper? I’m 1,000 years old, you know!” “Well, I’m 2,000 years old! I was a Turaga when you were still a Matoran!” “Yeah, but in 2,000 more years I will be 3,000 years old! So there!” “But that would make me 4,000 years old” “GET ON WITH IT!!” shouted the entire population of Metru Nui. Dume sighed. “Fine...you youngsters have no maturity these days. Anyway...the Scariest Costume goes to...2015 TAHU!” 2015 Tahu stood up to show off his costume. Every Matoran in the Moto-Hub immediately fainted in fright. “Why does that keep happening?” At long last, it was time for the Toa to start trick-or-treating. The eight Toa lined up in front of the first group of houses, located in Ta-Metru. “Ready to go?” asked Takanuva. “No,” said Lewa. “AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!” screamed the Klakk blinking in a blizzard in Ko-Wahi. “Too bad, we’re starting anyway.” Lewa then rang the doorbell. A Ta-Matoran stuck his head out. “Sorry, but doorbells don’t exist in BIONICLE.” He stuck his head back in. Lewa sighed. “Fine, make me actually do work…” He knocked on the door. This time, the Ta-Matoran opened it. “Trick or treat!!” shouted the group of Toa in unison. “Sure, I’ve got some stuff for you right here,” said the Matoran, pulling out a huge bucket full of pumpkin pies. The Toa all looked at each other. “Oh no…” they muttered as the pie-and-pi-costumed Toa barreled over the others and grabbed the entire bucket. “PIE!!” he screamed, running away with the bucket. “ “ emoticonned the Matoran. “Sorry about that,” said the Krekka-costumed Toa as they all pushed the barrels out of the way and stood up. “He does that sometimes. Maybe try cake next time?” They moved on to the next house. “Burn-or-stuff!” said 2015 Tahu. Krekka elbowed him in the ribs. “It’s ‘trick-or-treat,’ you moron…” “Oh yeah. Trick-or-treat!” “That’s much better.” Takua opened the door, holding a bucket of Bula flavored candy for everyone. Then he caught sight of Takanuva. “How-but-what the paradox-how can this-huh-so confused-WHAT THE KARZAHNI!?” Takua then fainted. “Uh...oops?” They knocked at the next house, which turned out to be not a house at all, but a Turaga’s Home. Turaga Vakama answered the door. This time, the Rahkshi of Letter Control was first in line. The Turaga immediately set down his bucket of candy and pulled out his firestaff, proceeding to bonk the costumed Toa on the head with it. “Back! You foul creature! One more step and I’ll--” “Sorry, he does that,” muttered Turaga Onewa, poking his head out from around the corner and pulling the other Turaga back. “He’s going a bit senile. Dume, can you take care of our fiery friend?” Turaga Dume emerged from the house, still wearing his pumpkin-headed Kanohi. “Come on, Vakama, I have a mask for you to forge!” “Mask forging? WOOHOO! “ “Anyway, here you go. Enjoy!” Turaga Onewa passed out some very strange-shaped and oddly hard candy. “What is this?” asked the Rahkshi of Letter Control. “It’s my favorite candy: Rocks!” answered Onewa with a . After leaving the Turaga’s Home, they arrived at a house in Ga-Metru. Macku answered the door. “Uh…” said the first Toa in line, the one dressed as a Klakk blinking in a blizzard in Ko-Wahi. “What is it we say again?” Krekka slapped his forehead. “Trick-or-treat, you moron!” “Right, sorry, momentarily forgot.” Then, to Macku, he said, “Trick-or-treat, you moron!” “How dare you!” she shrieked, and slammed the door in their faces. The Toa all looked at each other. “This is turning into a disaster,” said the Rahkshi of Letter Control. “Isn’t that how Dume’s holidays always go?” answered the Rock Monster. After numerous other houses and various misadventures, they finally arrived at the last stop on the island, a large hut in Le-Metru. Krekka knocked on the door, and an orange Turaga Matau opened it. “Trick-or-treat!” “ “ emoticonned Matau. “What’s so funny?” asked the Rahkshi of Letter Control. “Sorry about that, I have no idea why he keeps laughing,” said Turaga Nokama, pushing Matau away and grabbing a bucket full of Bula-covered chocolates. “Here you go!” “Uh, not to be rude, but...shouldn’t those be ‘chocolate-covered Bula?’ interjected Krekka. “Because ‘Bula-covered chocolate’ doesn’t make sense.” Nokama glanced at the rappers again, and shrugged. “They say ‘Bula-covered chocolate,’ so I guess that’s what they are,” she decided. The Toa glanced over at the rappers as well. “Bula-covered chocolates, in the house, They taste really good in a hut or a house, Yo DJ Kongu is here to say, That we hope you have a Bula-covered holiday!” rapped DJ Kongu and the other rappers. “ “ the Toa and Nokama emoticonned in unison. Nokama looked at the wrappers on the candy to double-check, as well. “Yep, these also say ‘Bula-covered chocolate.’ Hmm...well, here you go!” She then passed out the oddly-named candy to the costumed Toa. “ “ emoticonned Matau from inside the house. “WHAT is so funny?” demanded Nokama. “You’ll...haha...see...hahahahaha...for...heheha...yourself!” The Toa glanced at each other. “Uh...okay then.” The Rock Monster pulled out one of the Bula-covered chocolates and unwrapped it, taking a massive bite. “I wonder what these taste like?” he asked. Then it exploded in his mouth, sending his mask flying off and also sending his regular mask underneath his costume mask flying off, causing him to pass out. Matau burst out laughing harder than ever. “MATAU! Did you replace those candies with chocolate-covered Madu?” “Maybe…” THE END Skritch the Word Counting Fikou: This chapter has 2,401 words. ~Happy Halloween from Lewa# Studios! Lewa0111 Nuva (Note: I actually rather like the new 2015 designs and have nothing against them. I just thought it would be fun to use them in a joke. No offense intended!)
  7. Hello everybody, welcome to Chima month Last week, my store finally stocked the Chima 2014 Constraction sets. Today I'm providing an opportunity. As long as they're in stock, I am willing to pick them up and send them to you for MSRP + Flat Rate shipping. I ship from a US post office, so there shouldn't be any issue with insane oversea shipping fees. Simply PM me your address and what you'd like me to purchase for you, and I'll provide you with the Paypal that I use. Once I receive payment for both the set(s) and shipping, I will purchase and send the set(s) to you. Large Sets - $22 Chi Sir Fangar Chi Fluminox Medium Sets - $17 Chi Cragger Chi Laval Chi Panthar Chi Vardy Chi Mungus Shipping - $6 I'm not asking for anything in return, I am simply acting as a middleman to help spread Chima 2014 across the US.
  8. As was hinted nearly a year ago, Ninjago is coming back and it's coming back strong! This is a topic to discuss the new storyline as it develops. I wasn't sure whether to make this topic here or in LEGO Discussion, but I figured that since most of the story discussion is media-related (either related to the TV show or the new website) Media Discussion would be best. If the moderators disagree, they are welcome to move it. Here's the official trailer: There are more videos and character bios on the LEGO website: http://www.lego.com/en-us/ninjago Who else is excited? I personally look forward to finding out more about the new characters like Cyrus Borg and Pixal! There have already been a number of excellent drawings of Pixal from various Ninjago fans on deviantART. She's definitely an intriguing character. I hope that she eventually becomes a trusted member of the Ninja team and continues to play a role even after this story arc.
  9. I've done it for the last two years, so why not do another? Here is my opinion on the movies I've seen so far this year in no particular order. Note: I do talk about some spoilers in each of these, so I'm putting them in spoiler tags. If you haven't seen the movie in bold yet and don't want it to be ruined for you, it would be best not to open the spoiler tag until you've seen it. You have been warned. Captain America: The Winter Soldier The Amazing Spiderman 2 X-Men: Days of Future Past Godzilla How to Train your Dragon 2 Transformers 4 Dawn of the Planet of the Apes So, these are my opinions on the movies I've seen so far this year. Here's hoping Guardians of the Galaxy is just as great as it looks.
  10. Earlier I was looking at how this year's Hero Factory sets compare to similarly-priced BIONICLE sets in terms of complexity. Turns out they fare rather well. Let's look at one in particular: 44024 Tunneler Beast. Tunneler Beast is a $9.99 set coming out this summer (as such, it's at the lowest price point for this year's sets). It boasts 59 pieces (45 if you don't include the minifigure or his accessories) and 20 points of articulation (15 if you don't include the jaw and fingers, which only rotate along one axis each). A typical Piraka cost $9 in 2006, which according to WolframAlpha would be about $10.60 in today's money. Each Piraka had 41 pieces (plus one extra for Hakann and Thok's weapons) and 13 points of articulation. If we reach back a bit further, the Vahki cost $9 each in 2004, which would be $11.32 today according to WolframAlpha. Each one of those had just 32 pieces and only 10 points of articulation (perhaps eleven or twelve if you count the squeezable launcher-jaws, but that's being extremely generous since those couldn't really hold a pose). Now, obviously I'm being a bit selective here. There are a number of BIONICLE canister sets that had more pieces than Tunneler Beast, particularly if you don't include the minifigure and accessories (though several of those sets, like the Toa Mahri, are inflated by lots and lots of ammo pieces, not to mention a plethora of pins and axles). I don't know if any canister sets have more points of articulation than Tunneler Beast, though. Chirox had just 17 including the chest that splits open, and Pridak had just 16 even if you count the mandibles separately. Even Gorast, with her six limbs, had just 18 points of articulation including the wings! And in any case, you have to be just as selective to suggest that Hero Factory, as it exists today, is considerably LESS complex than BIONICLE sets of similar size or price. Just food for thought. I'm personally fascinated how far Hero Factory has advanced since 2010, when the $7 hero sets were pitifully simplistic and repetitive even by BIONICLE standards. There are some rumors floating around that Hero Factory might be ending soon, and now that it's been around for four and a half years those rumors are starting to seem more believable than every other year of its life that they've been thrown about. But we've been assured that its building system is here to stay, and that gives me great confidence that the NEXT constraction theme will not be hindered by such a rocky start. The new building system really did put Hero Factory on the fast track to greater complexity and diversity of designs, and this year I feel like the Hero Factory sets in general not just one or two have finally stepped out of the long shadow of their BIONICLE predecessors.
  11. What is the proto squad? In the old Bionicle sense of the word not the bzp meaning (if there is one)
  12. So was there or will there be a fanamde or TLG made Bionicle game like club penguin so there can chat/role play online with others? I do like the fan name legends of metru Nui game if done one were to enable chat with others that would open up a whole new level of epicosity!!!
  13. Danny and swift created a rap song I believe or just a song and they were the dudes who were in the Bionicle unleahed van tour that's all I know, I was wondering I h guys had some info and a place where I can find thier songs ? I've always just wanted to hear it
  14. I recently acquired this from the hands of the villainous señor Palomar before he used it in his personal collection because after all this should be in a museumhttps://attachment.fbsbx.com/messaging_attachment.php?aid=48a5ff791705044b4964d9ae061ad815&mid=mid.1362379349989%3Ae25599ee2dbfa94588&uid=100000824540213&accid=100000824540213&ext=1362383000&hash=AQBiwXkgpKtY_fV9fWvJ5uPmPrkRgBAJZV32UP8oR9w3FABut I'm not quite sure what it isAll I know is that it lights up. And makes noises when it has vatteries, it's also from the adventurers line from 1998
  15. You've all seen it ROBOT COMBAT LEAGUE! and dont tell me you didn't think of CyberSlam or Cyber Masters, My question to you is what would you rather see? If i was the producer of the show, This is how I would make it. Dubstep music feat Skrillex and new upcoming artists live while robots fight! Not only can robots punch smash crash bash and clash but we include a launcher that can be used to hit the other target. The objective is to hit the other competitors target. The two teams are teal and the purple team. The training would be just like in the sets The only difference is the people controling the robots will not be inside them for safety purposes they would be in a virtual reality console with live feed from their robots, but we do have a ballistics gel dummy to asses damage as if the person were really inside the robot. The judges will be judge jet from slizers, vakama and a new guest judge from a different lego theme every episode!
  16. G'day mates! Toa Electro is here!!well let's get started ! I'm a LEGO fan, we pretty much all are right? Well I'm diagnsed with FADHD (Foucused Attention Deficit Disorder) which is a strange affliction, and it sounds fake, but its not. I don't only have that i also have HO witch means hyper observation, so with those that means I'm REALLY into LEGO and I observe every last bit of detail on every thing about any LEGO set, and heres what i came across one day,i was researching LEGO (Ninjago) more intensely than other days, specifically the serpentine, something about the whole idea of it kinda makes you feel like you were there right? (i dont know maybe its the subtle influence of egypt structure with a hint of crumbing Indian palaces) Well i recently came across an article on theninjagowiki ( one of the best sources of info you can get about ninjago) witch explains the history of the serpentine tribes, My mind starts flashing related information and making connections and whatnot, but a name sprang up three times in one minute (thats usually an alarm for my brain to say LOOKIE HERE VERY IMPORTANT!) it was the brotherhood of the serpents (now to explain the rest i shall tell you about the brotherhood of the snakes/serpents first) they are a group believed to be related to helping people and mostly medical and agricultural help (you know that symbol ambulances have thats a staff with wings and two snakes wrapping around it, yup thats from the brotherhood or the serpents. ) there are allot of hieroglyphs with pictures of snakes with arms and a snake tail (kinda makes you think serpentine generals huh?). So being the mouth breathing information sucking vacuum that I am I went on a researching spree for the next 6 hours! [...]and on a side note, i did not do this with the intention offending any cultures, and if i did i am very sorry i did not have the intention too, if there is anything you would like me to remove i would be happy to do so.and one more thing with this post im not saying ALIENS ( for i do not belive in that no offence) and im not saying THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED, and I dont believe ninjago is real and that the snake tribe (could also sound like brotherhood huh?) is real. I wish not to offend anyone, and please if you do not belive it, thats alright whats true for you, is true for you, and others may not tell you what you believe in, for you have your own idea of whats right and whats baloney . No i did not watch too much ancient aliens (i cant stand it) and i did not go on those freaky supernatural websites (horrible places to gather info) i got this from wikipedia and other websites that actually have information.P.S " i do not believe the LEGO company looked at the same websites i did and researched the same thing, i just believe its a coincedence,
  17. I am the nupariddler!! The riddle master.pay attention to the color scheme of the letters that is you're first clue!!you are a detective trying to answer mysterious riddles as matoran go missing.you find this riddle and try to solve it.Who am I roaming far and free?I sent those that came from the sea!Those protectors that come from a different sector.New i am since i have given life to a dear old friend,A fiery fellow who's job is to defend a fort of sorts to the end.one more thing before i go i am not of water and i hate the snow,i wander every chance i get and make my turaga fret,can you guess who i am?
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