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The following is...well...a comedy. It's also a how to guide, but it's a comedy at heart. Or at least it thinks it is. Regardless of what it's defined as, read it to get to know the new BZP by the person who's been beta testing it. And by that I mean I've been on here ever since it came back. And by that I mean I've been here once or twice. So I don't know that much. Sorry. ====== Pridak: Hello today, everyone, and welcome back to the....new...sorta...BZP. Tahu: 'Tis wonderful to be back. Even with this new layout that was designed by someone who is very bad at it. Pridak: Hey now. I like it. Tahu: Oh yeah, there you go. When Pridak likes it, you know it's gotta be bad. Pridak: What's that supposed to mean? Tahu: Nothing. It means nothing. At all. Literally. Pridak: ... Tahu: AT ALL. Pridak: Anyways, we're here today to help get you up to date on some of BZP's new features, at least comedy wise. Tahu: First off is the archive. Not really new, since, y'know, it's old, but still noteworthy news. News about old stuff. Pridak: Shouldn't it be olds then? Instead of news? Tahu: ....no. Pridak: Why no- Tahu: This archive contains everything posted since BZP began, minus that which was destroyed in the dataclysm. It is obviously unpostable in, so for those of you that had, hmm, I don't know, a 1800 post 300 chapter + comedy going....well...sucks to be you. Pridak: He's rather bitter. Tahu: I am not. Pridak: The only big thing to point out here is that if you visit the archives, you will automatically be logged out when you return to the new BZP forums. Kinda annoying, but oh well. Tahu: Especially when you made your password 27 characters long. And you're only about 7 inches tall, so it takes you 12 minutes to type your password in the first place. Pridak: One of the next things we noticed is the new "following" button. It is in the top right corner of every topic, and people can "follow" topics. My guess this will become a new standard for judging comedy's popularity. Tahu: For those of you that want to give it a test run, head over to Aftermath 2, our comedy, and try it out. Actually, everyone do it, just to make sure you've got it down. Pridak: Brilliant way to make sure it works. Not that it wouldn't, but, you know, you want to anyway... Tahu: The individual forums themselves also have these sorts of "following" thingies. So enjoy BZP while it's still BZP, before it gets turned into...*shudder*...a social networking site. Pridak: We sit and eagerly await the "like" button. Tahu: Another cool feature we noticed was the new "reply notification." This will let you know when someone replies to a topic you've followed, or replies to a post you made. So for those of you who loved the RPG forum, but hated sitting there and reloading the page every 10 seconds to see if someone else responded...well...you have an early Christmas. Pridak: Back to new features you can find on most social networking sites, the personal messenger can also have multiple-people conversations. A cool idea for people who want to, say, plan a mass takeover of BZP. Tahu: Or just for people who don't like typing in other people's names and then pasting a PM that they want to send out to a group of people. Pridak: That's what I said. Tahu: I broadened it. Pridak: Whatever. Tahu: The last big thing to note is that, when posting topics, the "description" bar has been replaced with a "tag" bar. In essence, this allows you to "tag" topics into certain groups, similar to Wikipedia. Pridak: The idea is that you can search for all topics "tagged" with a certain word, and all the topics with that tag will show up, making finding what you want a bit easier. Although I will miss those description bars... Tahu: Miss them? How in the world will you miss them? All they ever were was some quote from the person's comedy. "Bob and Fred's Adventure! Description: "Look, Bob, a sandwich!" Pridak: ... Tahu: ...what? Pridak: And I thought I was in a bad mood. Ah well. That concludes our study of new items for today, people. If we find anything else interesting we'll post it here. -MT
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K so, back in the days of old(and by that I mean April) I managed to glean some information that BZP's old forums would be...well...gone. Turned into archives, in other words. So I had quite a bit of time to...well...write a sequel to Aftermath, which was my very successful comedy on BZP before the server went down.I did so, and wrote a number of chapters for it to get a head start while I had free time. Point of all this being...if you request to be a GS, and then don't get any parts for a while...well...that's why.And of course all of this comedy series business was started by the original The Bionicles Try To Run A House, which was launched back in 2007 and was closed down in 2009. A1 ran from TBTTRAH's ending to now, and A2 picks up where A1 left off.CHAPTER INDEX(Thanks to Hubert for going to the effort to organize this): Prologue...There’s a certain legend that tells about a group of Bionicles. These toys weren’t really a being in the purest sense of the word, but they were existant just the same(whatever that means). They managed to come to life one day, about 8 years ago, and escaped from their confines in Legoland, California, to eventually come to live at a house in the southeast region of the United States.The Bionicles lived in what could be loosely defined as peace, led by a Tahu and a Tahu Nuva set. The group met friends over the years, including a Toa team called the Zehvor, a bunch of sadistic Barraki and Piraka led by the irritiable Pridak, and even a giant seemingly stuffed turtle that only went by the name “Omega.”...Chapter 1: Re-OpeningAt the house...On the back deck...Pridak: ....mmeeeehhhhh...Zaktan: Hey guys! (walks down the stairs to the deck)Xplode: ?Pridak: ...oh....it’s him.Xplode: Who?Pridak: Zaktan.Xplode: What’s wrong with Zaktan?Pridak: ...well....he’s....umm....hmmm.....Xplode: He’s......what?Pridak: He’s kinda...well....um....he’s a few peanuts short of a Planter’s factory.Xplode: ...what?Pridak: Y’know, he’s...um....he’s a few coins short of a 1-Up.Xplode: ...Pridak: He’s retarted.Xplode: Oh.Zaktan: Hey everyone...why the long faces?Xplode: We’re a little...annoyed...at this.Zaktan: ....annoyed at what?Pridak: Pulling the pool cover off.Zaktan: What?Xplode: Tahu assigned me to work with this moron to help pull the pool cover off and get it ready for summer. Summer’s just around the corner, you know.Zaktan: Yes, I’m aware that it is.Pridak: ...how in the world would you have any clue about the date?Zaktan: The wonderful invention called the “calender” enlightened me.Pridak: ....ah.Tahu: Hey! Pridak!Pridak: ...(looks up towards the back door)...yeah?Tahu: How’s it going?Xplode: Depends on what your expectations for our progress are.Pridak: If you expected him to be stupid, you won’t be disappointed.Xplode: Don’t make me push you in another fireplace.Tahu: ...well....um....I’m not one for huge expectations, but I was more or less hoping, y’know, that you two had at least moved the cover somewhat.Pridak: Oh, so all we have to do is move it a tiny bit? Very well. (walks over to the pool cover, still covering the pool)Tahu: ...Pridak: (shoves the pool cover an inch to the left)Xplode: ...Pridak: ...there. Moved. We’re done now, right?Tahu: You set your expectations too low.Pridak: And yet, I’m never disappointed.Tahu: Well, I’m going inside. (starts walking towards the door) Keep up the good work, or, in your case, start the good work.Xplode: You’re just going to leave me with this retard?Tahu: Yep. I’ve got a meeting.Pridak: With who? Who could possibly be more important then me?Tahu: (turns around) Well, for starters, there’s Takadox, Ehlek, Kopaka, Gali, Lewa, Hydraxon, Nocturn, Carapar, Hakann, Jaller, Hahli, Matoro, Kongu, Kopeke, Macku, Vakama, Nokama, Matau, Kalmah, Thok, Vezok, Vezon, Fenrakk, Umbra, Pohatu, Onu-Zaktan: I think you’ve made your point.Pridak: ...Tahu: ...oh.Pridak: Man...I’m like...depressed now.Tahu: Well, apologies for making you feel insignificant.Xplode: I accept on his behalf. But you still haven’t told us who this big meeting is with.Tahu: ...oh, right! I’m meeting with Toa MT and Hydraxon. We’re discussing potential vacation plans.Xplode: ...vacation?Pridak: Ooh! Yay! Yay! Not depressed anymore!Tahu: Well, good for you. Maybe when you finish pulling that pull cover off, you can come along. (heads inside the house)Xplode: ...Zaktan: ...Pridak: ...man....now I’m all depressed again.Inside...Brenmac: ....oh, the mail’s here.Ackar: Indeed it is.Levacius: What’s in it!? What’s in it?!Ackar: Hold on, hold on. Sheesh, are all you Zehvor this impatient?Levacius: No, just the ones of us that have packages coming in the mail.Brenmac: What package do you have coming?Levacius: Something very important.Brenmac: ....like?Levacius: Like you’re not allowed to know. Until it gets here, that is.Brenmac: ....Levacius: Hmm....looks like it didn’t come today.Ackar: Shame. Now can you two move out of the way so that I can bring this mail to Tahu Nuva like he wanted?Levacius: Oh. Yeah. Sorry. (moves out of the way)Ackar: Thank you. (walks down the hall with the mail)Brenmac: ...why are you being so secretive about this package?Levacius: Because it’s a surprise.Brenmac: ....a surprise?Levacius: (nods) Yep. It’s a surprise for Tahu.Brenmac: Oh, don’t tell me this is another one of your birthday surprises.Levacius: ...actually, it is. Why?Brenmac: Cause most of us remember what happened with your LAST surprise. Remember, the car that Tahu thought was possessed and he burned it as a response?Levacius: Meh. Don’t worry. He’ll love this one.Brenmac: You sure?Levacius: Yeah. Trust me. You don’t know Tahu like I do.Brenmac: ...hmm.FLASHBACK(One Year Ago)...Brenmac: ...are you SURE this is a good idea?Levacius: Don’t worry. He’ll love it.Brenmac: ...Levacius: Now, I’ll just stick the talking toucan in the engine, and whenever Tahu says something, he’ll at least have someone to talk back to him!Brenmac: ...I think he’s more liable to go crazy than actually like it.Levacius: Brenmac, trust me. You don’t know Tahu like I do.Brenmac: ...hmm.END OF FLASHBACK...Levacius: ...what is THAT look?Brenmac: Oh, nothing. Just reminiscing...and plotting a way to keep that package from ever reaching you?Levacius: ...what?Brenmac: Nothing.Meanwhile, inside...Tahu: Ah. Glad you could make it.MT: What’s this about, Tahu?Hydraxon: ...yeah.Tahu: Well, you two are the leaders of some of the most influential groups in the household, MT, you being the leader of the Zehvor.MT: ...Tahu: ....and Hydraxon....you being the leader of the association of the mentally retarted.Hydraxon: Hey!Tahu: So, anyways, since your groups will most likely determine how the rest of the house’s inhabitants will react, I figured I’d give you first notice.MT: First notice of what?Tahu: Well....we’re going on vacation.MT: ...cool.Hydraxon: Yeah.Tahu: But not just any vacation. We’re going....to Germany.Hydraxon: WHAT?!?MT: ...Tahu: Yep. We got the tickets purchased, and we’ll be leaving in a little less than a week.MT: ...wow, Tahu...that’s...amazing. You’ve always been so tight-fisted with your money...Hydraxon: I agree, it’s nice to see some generousity from you.Tahu: ...so...you would say you are surprised by this.MT: ...we are rather taken aback, yes.Tahu: I suppose you could say you did Nazi that coming.Hydraxon: ...MT: ...Tahu: :biggrin:MT: ...Hydraxon: ...Tahu: Ok, puns aside, we’re not going to Germany.MT: I knew it.Tahu: Because A: Barely anyone in this house can speak proper English, let alone German, and B: Because there’s no way in heck that we could afford a trip to Germany.MT: ...meh...Hydraxon: ...Tahu: So we’re going back to our luxury resort/hotel in Florida. And hopefully, this time, we won’t have our vacation interrupted by a stupid villain kidnapping me. Sound good?MT: Yeah.Hydraxon: ...Tahu: ....Hydraxon?Hydraxon: I still refuse to speak to you after that stupid pun.Tahu: ...you just talked to me.Hydraxon: (turns to MT) I still refuse to speak to that guy after his terrible pun.MT: ...Hydraxon: (whispers) Relay the message.MT: (turns back to Tahu) The honorable Mr. Hydraxon would like to inform you that he has undergone a vow of silence due to the-Tahu: I heard.MT: Just making you aware.Tahu: Right. Well, I would suggest that you more or less begin packing...these things always get dragged out into the last minute and then we’re never ready to go.Hydraxon: (whispers to MT)MT: ...Tahu: ...MT: The honorable Mr. Hydraxon would like to inform you that he and his team can be packed in a couple of hours.Tahu: Wonderful. And tell the “honorable” Mr. Hydraxon that he can speak to me. His mouth isn’t broken, and quite frankly, I hate him talking through you.Hydraxon: (whispers to MT)MT: ...Mr. Hydraxon would like to inform you that you are, in fact, a moron.Tahu: ...guess who’s not gonna be getting the window seat on the airplane.-MT
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Review Topic here: http://www.bzpower.com/board/index.php?showtopic=9842 BIONICLE: The New Frontier Chapter 1: Freedom's Uprising (Part 1) 100,000 years ago... "All journey's must come to an end, but this time, there is a new beginning as well. There will be challenges to face and enemies to fight, but I know you will overcome. All that has gone before, my friends, has only served to give birth to this new day. Let unity, duty and destiny be your guides. Be well, be strong, care for this world and for each other. Farewell." These were the last words of the Great Spirit Mata Nui as his spirit retreated into the Kanohi Ignika or known by all as the legendary Mask of Life. 70,000 years ago... "Hurry up, Bernas. We need to hunt down all Toa as ordered by the Turaga," said a Glatorian general. "And the Toa used to be our allies," replied the Glatorian known as Bernas. "Well, the Turaga said they are our enemies now and they stole the Ignika. So hurry up, you Sloth Rat." "Yes, sir." As the two Glatorians were too busy talking, they failed to notice a figure snuck up to them and clanked their heads together, knocking them out. As he dust his hands and adjusted his Kanohi Hau, the figure checked on the cloak covering his Golden Armour. "isn't that a bit harsh, Tahu?" asked a blue armoured Toa as she emerged from her hiding spot. "At least it's better than killing them. Guess Ackar's lessons paid off," replied a grinning Tahu. "Yeah, that was his last lesson too before his..." then the Toa of Water went silent. "I know that Ackar's death must be hard for you but until now we may be the only Toa left. With the remaining Glatorians either dead or also hunting us down, I guess we are the only ones left in hope to furfil Mata Nui's wish and reteaching the Matorans about the three virtues." "How will we teach them with all these carnage? Even our cheerful brother Lewa is gone with the wind. I...just wish that the Ignika or Mata Nui himself could give us an answer." "Maybe...Maybe it's no longer our duty to teach the Matoran. Perhaps it's time for a new generation of Toa to arise in the midst of chaos. With his power, he'll unite allies to defeat this threat in order to perform his duty as a Toa and at last, fulfilling his destiny to rekindle the three virtues to the Matoran." Gali could not help but smile. "I'm surprise that my hot-headed brother could be as wise as Onua." "He may be dead, but as long as we remember him, he'll be still alive in our heart-light." "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I..." Before Gali could finish, a Thornax launcher was fired as the projectile hit the Toa of Water. As the Thornax fruit was genetically engineered, as it penetrated the armour, it released a virus capable to disintegrate its target from within. As she fell, Tahu wanted to catch her but she stopped him, fearing that the virus may infect him of he does so. Resisting the pain, she smiled at him one last time. With the final flash from her heart-light, the Toa of Water closed her eyes as her body was disintegrated, leaving her Kanohi behind. Kneeling, the Toa of Fire shed a tear. As the droplet hit the Kanohi once wore by a great Toa, Tahu clanked his fist at it. "Rest in peace, sister." As he stood up, Tahu found himself surrounded by dozens of Glatorians, lead by Wlehu. "Give up the Mask of Life, Toa, and I may make your death as painless as possible and..." Tahu interrupted the Glatorian, "and what? Get promoted for killing the last remaining Toa and retrieved the Ignika? Let me tell you something, tubby, that's not going to happen. I already handed the Ignika to an old friend and I'll make sure I'll make this party interesting," said Tahu as he revealed the Golden Armour. With his last thoughts, Tahu rushed towards the squadron of Glatorians as he was charged up with the powers of the Golden Armour. Present time... The Matoran opened his eyes and found himself floating in a dark space. Then, in a blinding flash of light, he found himself in the battlefield. Two factions were fighting against each other. The Matoran found himself in the crossfire but both factions just phased through him as if he was a ghost. Is this a war? Who are these beings? I know one of them is a Glatorian but who are they fighting against? Then, in another flash of light, the Matoran found himself facing a symbol. Two crescent shapes surrounding a circle Between them were two smaller circles. However, as the Matoran held out his hands to touch it, the symbol shattered into pieces, followed by the Noble Kiril that Turaga Krasto were wearing. Then, he found himself falling into an endless abyss. With a sharp pain on the head, the Matoran woke up from another nightmare and the fact that he had fell down from his bed...again. With a sigh, he stood up and put on his Kanohi. After checking that his equipments were properly packed up and his heart-light was flashing properly, the Matoran was ready to depart. Opening the door, the Matoran was greeted by a Ta-Matoran in an unidentified Kanohi. "Good morning, Philleus," greeted the Ta-Matoran. "Oh, good morning to you too, Rexum," replied Philleus. As the two Matoran talked to each other, they got into a chute leading to the Glatorian Arena. As the chute went on, the two witnessed the news in the telescreen. In the screen, a Kiril-wearing Turaga was holding his cane, smiling towards the citizens of Matoro. "Greetings, citizens of Matoro. It is me, your favourite Turaga Krasto. It's been long since our saviour, Toa Matoro, had saved our world from destruction and the Great Spirit Mata Nui recreated Spherus Magna. However, the 'heroes' we once worshipped, the Toa, turned out to be traitors by first breaking their Toa Code, killing Karzahni along with Tren Krom. Then, they engaged a war with us, hoping to rule us all. But luckily, your smart and handsome Turaga here assembled the Glatorian Forces and stopped the thousand-years war, ending the existence of the Toa. Still, despite being a Toa, Matoro saved us and thus, we must honour him by making this world a better place. So, why not join in the Glatorian Forces today and avoid another Nui Wars?" "Seriously, brother. That broadcast is getting way old," said an annoyed Rexum. "If so, why are we signing up for the Glatorian Forces?" asked Philleus. "Well, the last thing I remembered, you begged me to join in..." "As I LAST REMEMBERED, you are hitting on that Ga-Matoran, Lympha, so you think joining the Glatorian Forces will impress her. Then, not wanting to be alone, you begged me to join in for around...6 months." "Well, that's preposterous, Mr.Silver. And WHEN I REALLY LAST REMEMBERED, I do hit on Lympha and wanted to join in the Glatorian Forces to impress her but I did not beg you to join in. Instead, you were visited by Colonel Gresh himself, although you're a Fe-Matoran, you do not show any sign of Iron Element so he intended you to join in the Glatorian Forces so he could study more about you." "AS I REALLY REALLY LAST REMEMBERED...you're right." With the conversation over, the duo reached the Glatorian Arena, unaware that someone was watching him. "That fire-spitter is right. That Fe-Matoran could be the one," said the figure as he vanished into the air. Inside the Glatorian Arena, the two Matorans found themselves standing among many other Matorans. Then, with a salute, they were greeted by Colonel Gresh himself. The Glatorian General's eyes were blank as if his soul was no longer with him. "Welcome to the Arena, cadets. For the next few years, you'll be tested beyond your limits to see of you're qualified to be part of the Glatorian Forces. Do well, and you'll be able to serve us in honour of Matoro and Mata Nui. You fail, and it's back to civil duty you go. Now, any questions?" said the colonel. "Yes, sir. How come, there are only Matorans here. Isn't there any Agori?" asked Rexum. "Well, cadet. Since the Nui Wars, the Agori had been weakened so badly that they were no longer able to combat even a Sand Bat. So, with your stronger build, you Matorans are more capable of offence as the Agoris are now working in civil duties with an exception of a few who managed to be promoted recently. Now, shall we begin?" The Matorans' training was beyond brutal. Sessions after sessions, they were pushed beyond their limits. Soon, Philleus and Rexum were the only Matoran standing as the others were sent back into the city. "Well, I'm impressed, Matorans. Even I could not hold out this long," said Gresh with a weak smile. Suddenly, he held his head in pain. Then, his arms dropped as he stood up. His smile turned into a frown as his gaze was sinister. "Philleus, isn't it? Let me ask you one thing. If you're a Fe-Matoran, how come you fell so easy during that dodgeball session?" asked Gresh. "The truth is that I'm wondering about that myself as well," replied Philleus. "Fe-Matorans weren't supposed to be like that, instead, you swam like a Ga-Matoran, leap like a Le-Matoran, able to carve like a Po-Matoran, know so much like a Ko-Matoran, navigate your way like an Onu-Matoran and resist fire like a Ta-Matoran. You're abnormal to be a Fe-Matoran, Philleus. Possessing traits from the 6 Main Elements, that sounds like in the Phropercy ..." Before Gresh could finish, the Arena was surrounded by gust of wind. Rexum and Gresh were quickly blown away but Philleus was steady at his feet. Suddenly, he was greeted by a being. "Come with me, Philleus, if you want to know who you really are." said the being. "Who are you? That build...You are a Toa, aren't you?" asked Philleus. "You could say that. Toa Kryst at your service. Let's just say that I'm not from around here." To Be Continued...
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Hello, everyone. KrystCyclone here with my very first epic story, or will it? Story page:The story page is up:http://www.bzpower.com/board/index.php?showtopic=9845 Premise: It's been 100,000 years since Spherus Magna was reformed. However, there was a great war where all the BIONICLE engaged against each other. The war had been held for centuries. This forced the Toa to abandon their codes and ethics and kill their enemies against their will. At the end, the war ended at the cost of the Toa's existence as the name was considered as a myth. However, in the city of Matoro under the tyrannical rule of Turaga Krasto, a young Matoran by the name of Pilleus will soon found his life to be changed forever as he rekindle the name of the Toa... How do you think of the story? Chapter 1 is on the way. "Toa Kryst at your service. Let's just say I'm not from around here."
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"Hello everyone! Tahu here, with my faithful companion Xplode!" "Faithful as long as you're paying me." "Right. Exactly. Well, we're here to announce something very exciting today!" "Super exciting." "Yep. So exciting, that Xplode is...literally...putting no effort into this at all." "...did you want me to throw confetti or something?" "At least make it sound like you care." "What exactly denotes caring?" "...I dunno...put some emotion into it. Yell a bit. Sound excited." *sigh* "...very well. A-HEM!" "..." "HEY GUYS! WE'RE DOING SOMETHING REALLY EXCITING TODAY! WOOOOOOOOOPPP!!" "..." "...I...feel foolish." "Right. Well, anyways, we're here with another one of our brilliant money making ideas! And, once again...we may or may not have stolen it from video games." "After our less than successful attempt to sell an Aftermath: 'Comedy of the Year' edition to you, we decided to pick up where we left off and give this another shot." "Only this time, it's much better! Because it's LIMITED." "Indeed, Tahu. Right now, we are offering a super exclusive LIMITED EDITION Aftermath 3, which you can pre-order now!" "This limited edition set comes with...the DIRECTOR'S CUT edition of Aftermath 3." "Which includes PMs of all MT's hilarious grammar mistakes that he edits out, as well as some of those painfully terrible ideas he had for A3 originally." "It also includes links to all of the images MT shamelessly ripped off Google in order to make banners and character designs!" "Needless to say, he wasn't a big fan of the idea. What else do we have, Tahu?" "Well, you'll also get the COMPLETE ORCHESTRATED SOUNDTRACK TO AFTERMATH 3!" "Which...considering it's a text comedy...doesn't include much." "IT DOES INCLUDE FULLY VOICED ONOMONOPIAS, though! You'll get a burned CD in the mail with some of the BEST voice acting you've heard in your life! At least...assuming the only piece of media you've ever encountered before is Metroid: Other M." "But that's not all, is it, Tahu?" "Heck no! It's not! You'll get the complete A3 ARTBOOK!" "...which, again, has nothing in it since it's a text comedy." "AND you'll get a complete limited edition statue of one of the new heroes!" "What does this new hero look like? YOU'LL HAVE TO BUY THE LIMITED EDITION TO FIND OUT!" "So, just in case we haven't convinced you that this set is a GREAT deal...let's recap all that you get! First: The DIRECTOR'S CUT of Aftermath 3!" "Which is MT's bad ideas." "The ORCHESTRATED SOUNDTRACK!" "Quite possibly the only orchestrated soundtrack ever to not require an orchestra." "The COMPLETE ARTBOOK!" "Without any art." "AND AN AWESOME STATUE OF THE NEW HERO! ME!" "Which is-wait what?" "Uh...oh. Whoops. I wasn't supposed to spoil that, was I?" "...you WHAT?!" "Yeah. I'm actually the main hero of A3 after all. Guess I wasn't supposed to leak that yet, huh?" "You CAN'T be the main hero of A3! It takes place like two thousand years in the future! You'll be a dysfunctional pile of recycled plastic by then!" "WHAT? TWO THOUSAND YEARS LATER?! WHY?!" "Dunno. The reason's probably in the director's cut for A3." "..." "Sorry, Tahu. Don't think you'll be appearing in it." "...ha! You think that's gonna stop me? A mere span of time! Forget it!" "...where are you going?" "To the freezer! I'm going to stick myself in cryostasis until two thousand years are up!" "...wait...what? The freezer won't last that long!" "..." "...nuts. He's already gone. Well, information's below, people! ORDER NOW! Hey, Tahu! Wait!" ======= TO ORDER YOUR EXTREMELY LIMITED EDITION AFTERMATH 3 NOW, CALL THE TOLL FREE NUMBER WITH YOUR OR A NEIGHBOR'S CREDIT CARD BELOW! 1-800-567-SCAM OR MAIL A CHECK FOR $13.37 TO 12345 PORT TOWN DRIVE, HYRULE, PLANET ZEBES ZIP: 86753-09 ORDER NOW! -MT
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If you guys followed MT's Aftermath closely, you'll know that JL is a new GS. Well, MT has big plans for him, being Keybearer and all. So, I decided to write about him before he joined the Toa Zehvor. And, well, since I already began around a few months ago, on HiPor: Empire of Pixels, where a few other comedy writers (MT Included) had been continuing their stuff. Anyways, enjoy. Also, here's the link to the first 10 chapters. Don't miss the prologue, and read the 1 "special" post which shows us how this relates to TBTTRAH. http://hipor.b1.jcink.com/index.php?showtopic=383&st=0 Chapter 11: LegacyJL moved forwards, and jumped. The cliff was low, and he could easily reach the ground below. He rolled, and sprinted. He looked at his visor. 1 of the Freelancers were fighting behind him, back on the cliff. Far in front of him, one of the Rogue Freelancers where there, running away.JL jumped, and took flight. He looked forwards, and while he chased, he recalled the events that had lead to this point.__________________________________________________---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------It had been 2 hours since they had first encountered the 5. Each of the Freelancers had worked as one, effectively defeating them... just barely. They had managed to run away, and JL knew that their tactics now were to take them out 1 by 1.JL: Here. The 5 of them are situated on this cliff. They have a temporary camp, and we have to catch them off guard.Primax: If they see us coming and have the preparations, they can easily run away. If they DID prepare with Freelancer Tactics, they will disappear. No finding them.Hexus: Fortunately for us, We're Freelancers too.JL: Unfortunately for us, they are at least twice as powerful. We're going to have to search for a Weakness. Alright. Hit them hard, fast, and surprising. How do we get up without being spotted?Hexus: .... A Diversion.JL: Who?10 Minutes later......JL: (Facepalm)Hexus: JUST FLY OVER TO THE CLIFF AND SEND BARRAGES OF RAIN, LIGHTNING AND WIND! ALSO, TRY TO GET A TSUNAMI!JL: I KNOW! JUST GET TO THE HILLSIDE! BUT THERES NO SEA HERE! GO! AND ###### YOU FOR MAKING ME THE DECOY!Primax: OK!!!!!!2 minutes later, and he was floating around the top of their cliff. Meanwhile, his team members continued around the hill, stealthily.JL: Hey! Get out of their, you lazy punks, and face me!Xenox: .... You. He told me to kill you. User of the storm.JL: You. Your name sounds funny.Xenox: You dare insult my name? Destiny gave it to me!JL: Yeah, well, no wonder everyones life is a joke.Xenox: Shut up!Xenox launches a barrage of xenon at JL, who barely evades it. In return, a gust of wind blasts back at Xenox, who barely stands his ground. The other 4 come out, intent on watching. On his HUD, JL spotted several of his teammates slowly walking up the hill, trying not to be heard or saw.Shade: All 5 of us will take you down easily! After all, its just one of you-Xenox: No! He will be defeated by me... ONLY!Shade: What did he do now....JL: I said his name sounded stupid...Shade: You know, I think our mother had autism or something, nameing us these weird doomsday names.JL: Don't you mean.... emo?Xenox: Alright. You're going down, mate!JL: Come at me!Xenox fires another volley of Xenon, and this time, JL floats downwards, making them all miss.JL: You know, going down actually makes my chances of winning much better. I mean, if I go down and you lose power, while I haven't really done anything except use my armor and keep air pressure stable under my feet, well, quoting you, "You're going down!"Xenox: Thats it. You're dead. Come down, and let us face off on the floor.JL: Why should I do that? I mean, come on! I can just hurl lightning and all of you can just die! Xenon is conductive, right?Xenox: Well, I guess you CAN stay up there.... if you want to continue being an arrogant fool, not knowing anything except what the IUPD told you, not knowing of what happened before you became such a warrior, not knowing who you were.JL:..........Xenox: After all, I know what happened. You lost all memory when you were recruited by the IUPD. I know what happened.JL: Tell me, and I'll come down.Xenox: What can make me think you will?Thunder rumbles.Xenox: Boasting, eh? Very well. Your history, presented to me by the bane of the universe, champion of Xenon, by the Dark Lord himself. And now, lets see you as we talk about you... to you! (Evil Grin)=========Xenox: You had the talent to be very powerful. That was why you were chosen. To be keybearer.JL: Beehairer? Just to let you know, I will never choose to cut a bee's hair. Even if I was bribed.Xenox: No, you cool dude! Keybearer!JL: I bear no keys. I lose them too well.Xenox: *Sigh* Look. You were chosen to hold a secret, and the power which opens it back up. However, there are some things which don't like that thing being opened. And, well, we decided to attack you.JL: Did I beat you really badly?Xenox: No. We beat you really badly.JL: Liar. Liar. Pants on fire.A thunderbolt slashed through the air, striking the tree Xenox was standing next to. The tree falls, and the newly created bonfire touches Xenox's groin.Xenox: ....... Dude. That's just wrong.JL: Shouldn't it hurt?Xenox: Your stupidity made me lose brain cells. I don't think I can feel pain.JL: ....... That. Was the worst comeback. Ever.Xenon covers up the Fire, and soon, The only thing left was the Gas. Xenox twirled around with it, until a gust of wind scattered it.JL: Talk.Xenox: Interested, mm? Anyways, you were given this power, hidden inside of you, and you were told to fight with your life to defend it. Obviously, the previous Keybearer thought you had enough time to get better with your powers. But nope. The forces of Xenon found you anyways. You fought with your life, knowing the cost, and you managed to defeat all the cannon fodder little Terna..... but then, you fainted from exhaustion. And before our reinforcements could reach you, the IUPD friends decided that your uncontrollable power of the storm....... must be controlled.JL: Uncontrollable? Not likely. I can use it just fine. The sea can do my bidding. The rain can form water too. Lightning can help me fight. So will the air. You could say, I am a 3 in 1. 3 powers confined as 1 element, to be controlled in unison.Xenox: But what happens when you let it rage? When you unleash so much power on it, on a storm, you can destroy a planet. Your element can be self sustaining as long as you make it strong enough. It can die out over time...... but if you just continue, you can change a metropolis planet into a place of rubble, a tourist site.JL: And so? This has to do with Xenon, my history, what?JL couldn't believe it. He had originally come here hoping to let the other Freelancers surround their enemies. And yet, he was hooked on this story. He was actually sending his teammates a message right now - "Don't attack yet."He was disobeying everything he should be doing. And yet, his teammates understood. He was lucky to have them as friends. He didn't want to lose them.Xenox: You were taken in, trained to be a warrior. And I must admit, you are strong. But Xenon is stronger than anything, and everything. You will fall, your secret will die with you, and no one will be left to stop The Dark Lord from his rampage.JL: No. If I fall, others can fight too. And there are things that can defeat your "undefeatable" substance.Xenox: Determination? Hope? Insanity? Stupidity? Cleverness? Trust me, people have tried, and they have failed. Even if they succeeded, The Dark Lord can rule. Even in Death, he can be brought back.JL: Oh yeah? How?Xenox: Oh, you don't want to know.JL: I've heard enough. You say I have a power - a key which can end all this.Xenox: Yes.---Shade: (Behind Xenox's back, whispering to his brothers) I think Xenox is insane. He actually talked to that big fat blob about this guy and his history?? Haha.Darkside: Well, I guess it couldn't hurt telling people of their origins. I would want to know.Sager: Let me guess. You want to slap our parents for naming you like an cool dude.Darkside: Yes.Sena: Wow. Darkside, we have a massive lifestory confrontation between two amazingly powered warriors, talking about their legacy, tension growing...... and you're talking about your mother?Darkside: I know, I know, I'm emotionally unstable-Sena: Nope. You are brain damaged.Darkside: Shush.--JL: Well, then, I guess I know what I need to know. I have a power which can stop this Xenon from spreading. But first, I need to know how it works.Xenox: You need us for that.JL: No. I don't. If I have to, I'll fight The Dark Lord himself to know more about myself. But, trust me - I will activate this power. Even if I lose my memory again, I'll do it. I'll find new friends, find the keyhole, and end it all, by myself or with friends. Preferably the latter.Xenox: Oh yeah? Well, then, I guess the talking is done-JL: And the fighting begins.Immediately, Xenon smashes into JL, knocking him down to the bottom of the cliff. Xenox jumps down after him, and JL runs, finally remembering what he was here for."Hey, guys, feel free to attack them whenever you can, I'll face this guy myself."
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The following is what is known as a one shot. It contains some sort of advice/life counseling that very rarely reflects the opinion of the author. Please do not be offended by it. None of it is meant to be taken seriously.Well, most of it, anyways.========Pridak: Hello there, everyone!Xplode: Pridak and me are here to-Vakama: Pridak and I!Xplode: ...I beg your pardon?Vakama: It's "Pridak and I!"Xplode: ...yes....yes of course...Pridak: Stupid grammar Nazi Turaga.Xplode: Anyways, we here at Aftermath, or, Aftermath 2, thanks to the lovely, absolutely wonderful, beautiful "update" of the servers, are always in favor of holding out on thinking about Christmas at least until after Thanksgiving.Pridak: Except for presents. Presents need lots of time to think about. Xplode: So, for the second straight year, we're here to tell you what we think you should buy for your friends, family, and, of course, us.Pridak: Pay attention to the last part.Xplode: First off on this list is: ParentsPridak: Parents are some of the most important people in your life, outside of us, so you should most definitely be considering what you can give to them.Xplode: Thinking creatively is probably your best bet for people who are fully able to buy anything you can, and then some. Pridak and I sat down and brainstormed...Pridak: ...Xplode: ...well, actually, we sat down and I brainstormed.Pridak: Hey! I helped too!Xplode: Are you kidding me? All you did was draw pictures of ponies for like 30 minutes, and then mumble "mhm" to every suggestion I came up with!Pridak: ...that's helpful.Xplode: Whatever. Anyways, some of..."our"...suggestions were along the lines of medical plans. Maybe an AARP package?Vakama: ...we're going to get a lot of nasty letters for this.Pridak: Think about the future. You could even buy them a lifetime membership in your local Bingo club for a long time in the future.Vakama: ...REALLY nasty letters.Xplode: Just use your head, and you'll be ok here.Pridak: The next group of people we thought about was: Siblings.Xplode: This group is obviously divided into two sections: The infidels and the chosen gender.Pridak: ...for fear of getting even more nasty letters, we won't specify which gender is which.Vakama: Thank the Lord.Pridak: JUST KIDDING!!! THEY BOTH SUCK!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA-Vakama: (facepalm)Xplode: For any brothers you may have, we suggest some sort of video game, since that appears to be all the rage these days.Vakama: Crazy whippersnappers and their fantasy worlds.Pridak: Hey, you! You're supposed to be editing this PSA, not talking over it!Vakama: ...Xplode: For the one who doesn't like video games, there's still plenty of fun things for them to do. Like Pridak and me-Vakama: "and I."Xplode: SHUT UP!!!!!Vakama: Just saying.Xplode: ...as I was saying, as Pridak and ME do in our free time.Vakama: *cringes*Xplode: For example, when the 360 or Wii isn't working, we'll often....um...Pridak: ...Xplode: ...we'll....umm....hmmm....Pridak: What DO we do in our free time when we aren't playing video games?Xplode: ...y'know what? Just buy them a video game machine. There. That takes care of the problem.Pridak: Right. Well, moving on to the...Xplode: ...Pridak: (bursts out laughing) HA!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!Xplode: What?Pridak: Look at this script card. It says that sisters are the "fairer" gender. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!Xplode: ...Pridak: HA...ha...heh....oh man...that's TOO funny.Vakama: I hate my job.Xplode: *Ahem* For sisters, well, we really have no idea what so ever.Pridak: Barbies? Are they still into barbies? Barbies are cool, right?Xplode: (turns to Pridak) You're a "My Little Pony" fan. You have NO right to make fun of Barbies.Pridak: Who was making fun of them? I was validating them as cool. Xplode: ...that was another thing about you I could have lived the rest of my life without knowing.Vakama: BACK TO THE SCRIPT!!!!Xplode: ...oh...yes. Well, um, long story short, we have no idea what to get for girls.Pridak: Barbie.Xplode: So just wing it. Or, if you rather, you can take your chances and ask Cleverbot. We don't particularly care. Make sure, however, if you do get a gift that you're unsure about, that you have a good getaway plan for escaping the ensuing carnage in the house.Pridak: Now moving on to FRIENDS! So much more fun to hang around than siblings.Xplode: Friends are a bit easier to buy for than brothers or sisters, since you actually WANT to buy a gift for them.Pridak: Really, though, in this case, it's all up to you. Buy them whatever they're interested in. Ask them. Just not too directly.Xplode: For example, if you want to buy them a T-Shirt, don't go straight up and ask them what size their neck is. That's far too obvious. Instead, go figure out what their wrist size is, and simply double that.Pridak: A human wrist's width is almost always approximately 1/2 the width of their neck. So just go figure out what neck size corresponds with what shirt size, and you'll be good to go!Xplode: However, we do not recommend using this tip with Endermen, Grunts, or Metroids. It is inneffective on these species.Pridak: Also, avoid blatantly asking the friend his wrist size. Find out in a roundabout way. Otherwise he may think that you're trying to buy handcuffs in his size.Xplode: Of course. And now, the final, and most important part of this..."show"...what to buy for US!!!Pridak: That's easy. You won't even have to buy it. Instead, go to your back, find whatever money you may have in savings, take it out, and ship it to our address! And here is the lovely address to send it to!!(Address blanked out to prevent anyone from actually trying to send money to Pridak. Worst idea ever)Xplode: There you are. Our guide to shopping this Christmas season. Well, that does it for us. We'll be back next time!Vakama: Unlike me.Pridak: Bye everyone!-MT
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So yaa I lied. Again. I'm good at that. Instead of Monday or Thursday, Omegafest will begin on Tuesday, with the iBrow day. After that I'm not entirely sure, but there will be a couple of TBTTRAH days thrown in there to show some of the new stuff I've been working on(and believe me, there's a lot of new stuff). If you want to secure a day, just post here and say which day. Otherwise I'll assign one to you. -MT
