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  1. Archimedes 15, 38 BT - Brahe 8, 44 AT These dates mark his lifespan on the calendar created in his honour. It is only fitting that he be remembered this way.
  2. Hello, all who are coming this way, The 18th of August is Bad Poetry Day! The wonderful day that disrupts your sweet calm With horrible poems that make you facepalm. This day springs upon us all like a hawk And numbs our poor brains with the grace of a rock. But alas, this day, it draws to a close So I'd better end this ridiculous prose. (This poem is in honour of William T. Gorringe Whose name is the long-sought rhyme for orange.)
  3. I just finished Series Two of their Eighth Doctor Adventures audio plays. Oh my goodness... I'd say they're about as good as the TV series! The Series Two finale is just brilliant (it's a sequel to one of my favourite classic serials, The Brain of Morbius) and the cliffhanger really leaves me excited to start Series Three. Because, you see...
  4. For the first time in well, ever, I have an epic idea that I can actually go through with! It's an EM epic, and I actually have a clear story outline rather than bouncing cool story ideas around in my head. It'd probably be the first in the series, but I'm not concerning myself with any sequels at the moment. I also won't start until August or so -- I'll be gone pretty much all of July this year and I don't want to leave you all hanging in the middle of the story. Oh, and it should only be around 10 chapters -- approximately the length of a BIONICLEstory.com serial. I'm going for something long enough to have a complex and well-developed plot, but not TOO long so I don't fall in the same mistake Angel Bob made with his EM epic.
  5. Just finished reading my first Discworld book. I'll have to check out the others sometime.
  6. ...in receiving from the people the sacred trust confided to my illustrious predecessor.
  7. They recovered two of the old black-and-white Doctor Who episodes!
  8. And it only took six months! 11:58 PM, near Wester Drumlins Property, in the outskirts of London... Sally: [talking a short walk since it's a nice, sunny day creepy, moonlit night] I'm bored. Plus, it's not safe for a young woman like us to walk around at midnight. Sparrow: It's not midnight. It's 11:58 PM. Sally: Good point. Let's do something safer, like... Sparrow: Climbing over this gate that says "NO TRESPASSING" in big, friendly letters, over into that haunted-looking house over there? Sally: Exactly. (Sally and Sparrow, who by the way are two different personalities inhabiting the same body, climb over the gate and into Wester Drumlins Property) Sparrow: See? This place is perfectly safe. Looks friendly, too! Sally: Well, I'm not too sure about this now... Sparrow: Oh, come on. If it makes you feel better, let's photograph everything as proof if anything bad happens. Sally: 'Kay. (They enter the house, noticing the statue of an angel hiding its face, but ignoring it...) Sally: Why is everything covered in packing wrap? Sparrow: Because packing wrap makes everything look cute? Sally: Good point. Let's photograph it and send it to The Sun! Sparrow: Why? The Sun is a boring G2V-type star, why not Rigel or Sirius or some another star? Sally: I meant the newspaper... >_< Sparrow: Why? All the news they ever have concerns the latest flavour of Pringles. Sally: Meh. Sparrow: Hey, there's writing on the wall! Let's peel back the wallpaper and find out what it says! Sally: 'Kay. [tears wallpaper away] Writing on wall: INSPECTED BY NUMBER 32 Sally: Um... [fails to notice slight motion by statue of angel] Sparrow: Keep peeling! Sally: [peels] Writing on wall: BEWARE THE WEEPING ANGELS Sparrow: I think it might be referring to us... keep peeling! Writing on wall: DUCK, SALLY SPARROW Sparrow: Ooh, who might Duck be? Are there three of us inside this young adult human female? Keep peeling! Writing on wall: DUCK NOW! Sally: I think it means "Duck" as the intransitive verb... [keeps peeling] Writing on wall: LOVE, THE DOCTOR, 1963 (and don't forget your duck) Sally: Let's duck, then. Sparrow: 'Kay. [both duck] Peter Stone: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE [smacks into wall] Sally: Hey, someone threw a rock at us! Weird. Sparrow: Hmm? I was busy checking out a penny on the floor with a duck's portrait on it. Sally: :annoyed2: Peter Stone: Hi, I'm Peter Stone! I'm the pet rock of that Weeping Angel over there. She named me Peter Stone, since both of those names mean-- Sally: This place is creeping me out. Can we leave? Sparrow: Eh, whatever. Let's go visit Kathy. It's now 12:15 at night, I'm sure she'll enjoy our visit! Peter Stone: --rock. Unfortunately, like the Weeping Angels' curse of only being able to move when unseen, I have the curse of only being able to talk when no one is listening. [sigh] Sally: Alright, let's go, then. Sparrow: Wait! Can we take Rocky? Sally: Sure, but don't get too attached to him. (they pick up Peter Stone Rocky and head off to Kathy's house) Rocky: But Rocky is a stupid name! And I already belong to Angelina over there! THIS IS KIDNAPPING! [is picked up helplessly] (Over at Kathy's house) Sally: I think Kathy's asleep right now. Do we really want to knock on the door and wake her up? Sparrow: Nah. Let's slide in though the chimney. Sally: 'Kay. (Sally/Sparrow climbs the roof and slides down the chimney) Sally: Now what? We don't want to wake her up, so... Doctor: [on TV] Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead! Don't turn your back, don't look away-- (Sally Sparrow walks away nonchalantly) Sparrow: Maybe she'll fine with us waking her up? Let's call her using the downstairs phone. Upstairs phone: ring ring ring Kathy: [waking up] Urgh. Probably Sally and Sparrow again. Oh well, I'll answer, since I'm their only friend besides each other. Everyone else thinks they're a split-personality weirdo. [answers phone] Hello? Sally: Hi. We slid down the chimney and we're downstairs drinking coffee. Come on down, we've got five gallons of espresso prepared! Kathy: [thinking] Oh dear. This is going to be crazy... [speaking] Alrighty. Is this Sally or Sparrow speaking? Sally: It's Sally. Sparrow can't talk right now, she's choking on a coffee bean. Kathy: Don't you two share the same mouth? Sally: I'm letting Sparrow control it right now. Only reason I can talk is because I injected the phone line into our brain primary speech cortex. Kathy: 'Kay then, I'm coming on down-- WAIT! You haven't run into Larry yet, have you? Sally: No, why? Kathy: You'd better leave before-- Larry: [wanders into the kitchen dressed in only a towel] Oh wheeeeeeeeeere are my paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaants? Oh wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere are my paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaants? Oh where, oh where, oh where-- oh, hi. Have you seen my pants? Sparrow: [coughs up coffee bean] Urgh. Huh? Nope, no pants here. Only chickens. Well, this chicken anyway. Larry: ...why do you have the phone line stitched into your head? Sparrow: That's Sally, not me. One body, two minds! At least we're not charged double for our stays at Colney Hatch Lunatic Asylum. Larry: Didn't that place close down 14 years ago? Sparrow: Yeah. Weren't you there? You remind me of several friends we had over there. Larry: I'll take that as a compliment... [sneaks off nervously] Kathy: [walks in] 'Kay, I'm here. I'll turn on the lights. Sally: WAIT NO THAT'LL BOOST THE POWER RUnNING INTO MY-- [is zapped into unconsciousness] (Next morning, after Sally/Sparrow recovers...) Sally: Oi... where are we? Sparrow: Are you speaking philosophically or geographically? Sally: Philosophically. Sparrow: In that case, we're absolutely nowhere. Kathy: Ah, looks like you two finally came round! Sally: Great! Where are we? Geographically, I mean. Kathy: Wester Drumlins. We're here to investigate those weeping angels, packing wrap, writing on the wall, et cetera. Trouble is, how do we get in? Sparrow: Let's climb over the gate that says "NO TRESPASSING" in big, friendly letters! Kathy: Great idea! And then we can write a book about it. "Sparrow and Nightingale - Girl Detectives!" Sally: Sounds too ITV. Plus, why does Sparrow get her name in it and not me? (A few minutes later, after they enter the property...) Sally: Hey, hasn't the statue moved? Someone must have been here, then... Rocky: Angelina! This weird woman kidnapped me and changed my name, so please try and rescue me when they're not-- Sparrow: Maybe it just moves when we're not looking. Kathy: I think you two are just imagining things. What next, a rock that talks when we're not listening? Rocky: I TAKE OFFENSE AT THAT! (Inside...) Sally: So, here is the writing. Sparrow: And here is the penny with a duck's-- Sally: Nobody cares. So, Kathy, how you think some doctor from the sixties know our collective name? Kathy: How can you be sure he's from the sixties? Sounds more like a silly prank. Sparrow: Carbon dating. Kathy: Doesn't that only work on things thousands of years old? Sparrow: Isn't that how long ago the sixties were? Doorbell: ding dong Sally: Oh dear. Someone's knows we're here. Sparrow: Careful, it could be a burglar! Kathy: A burglar who rings a bell? Sally: Maybe it's actually a sonic device he uses to lockpick. Kathy: Don't be silly, those things don't exist. [notices writing on wall that says "MY SONIC SCREWDRIVER WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A WORD WITH YOU," but ignores it] You answer the door, I'll go check out that weeping angel back there. [walks away] Sally: [opens door] Hello, are you here to kidnap us? If so, can you come back later today? We're rather busy right now and getting kidnapped would sorta mess up our schedule. Malcolm Wainwright: No... I'm just here to deliver a message to someone named Sally Sparrow. Is she here right now? Sally: Yep, we're her. I'm Sally. Sparrow: And I'm Sparrow. Malcolm: Is there a difference? Sally: Yeah, I'm the weird one and Sparrow's the weirder one. Malcolm: Um, okay. My grandmother told me to give this to you. [hands envelope] Sally: [opens envelope, which contains several old photographs and documents, along with a handwritten letter] "Dear Sally/Sparrow: As you read this, it will only have been seconds since you two last saw me. However, it will have been decades since I last saw you. Basically, I accidently got sent back in time to the year 1929. Sorry for the inconvenience. -Kathy" Malcolm: Yeah, I know, didn't believe it when I was a kid, either. Sally: Is this some kind of a sick joke? Sparrow: Nah. We've pulled off crazier pranks before. Sally: Yeah, you have. I don't really like being framed for everything you do. Malcolm: Um, are you two okay? Sparrow: Comparatively, yes. Sally, let's just check upstairs to see if we find her giggling in a corner. (Meanwhile, in 1929 Hull... (no I don't know how that works)) Kathy: Where am I? Bob Wainwright: Right there. I'm here. Here is a nice place, why don't you move from There to Here? The weather is good in Here. Kathy: How did I get from Wester Drumlins to here? Bob: No, you're in There. I'm in Here. Kathy: Fine, how did I get there? Bob: I dunno. You just appeared. Here and There are both in the city of Hull, by the way. Kathy: Hull? Really? But I was in London a few seconds ago! Have I been kidnapped again? Goodness, this happens so often, I've been everywhere... Bob: Really? I've always wanted to go to Everywhere! How's the weather? Kathy: Oi. What time is it? I hope I haven't been out of it too long... Bob: Now. Kathy: :annoyed2: What's that you're reading? Bob: The Here News! Great newspaper, you should check it out! I'm consulting it so I can make plans to go to Nowhere. There's a train leaving at midnight-- Kathy: [grabs newspaper] I'd better check for myself-- WHAT THE HAECKEL'S EMBRYOS IT'S 1929 Bob: Yep! Though I prefer to call it Now. Kathy: When since I don't get I'll be getting much more help from you, bye. [walks off] Bob: Where are you going? Kathy: Nowhere! Bob: Can I come with you so I don't have to catch the midnight train? Kathy: Don't try following me or I'll force you to marry me! Bob: I wouldn't mind that... Kathy: Oh snap, what have I started... (Back in the present...) Sally: Well, she's not up here. Sparrow: Ah, but four weeping angel statues are! Rocky: Psst! Angelina! Over here! While she's not looking, grab me from her pocket! Sally: I'm starting to think this isn't a joke... Sparrow: Stranger things have happened. Sally: Yes, and they were all YOUR doing. Is that a necklace? Sparrow: It's pretty! [pulls necklace off of statue and wears it, not noticing the statue's movement behind her] Sally: Let's just go. I'm pretty sure all this is true. The letter says to inform Larry that his sister got chucked into the year 1929 and died several years ago. [both leave] Rocky: Darnit. They're looking at you, Angelina. You're frozen again. (They leave the house, never noticing that Angel Bob, Angel Mike, Angel Eggbert and Angelina Jolie are watching them...) Sally: [entering the DVD store where Larry works] Hi. We're here to find a guy named Larry Nightingale and inform him that his sister got chucked into the year 1929. Bantho: [watching Clangers] He's in the back. By the way, have you seen this program? It's an exciting documentary about alien-- [notices that Sally Sparrow has already left] never mind. Doctor: [on TV screen in the back room] Quite possibly. [long pause] 'Fraid so. Larry: [walks in] It's all in Plato, all in Plato... what DO they teach them in these schools? [sees Sally Sparrow] Huh? Oh, hi. Sparrow: Hi Larry! Remember us? Larry: Um... not really... Sparrow: Oh, it'll come to you... Doctor: Thirty-eight. Larry: Hang on. [pauses the clip of the Doctor] Nope, not ringing any-- OH WAIT YOU'RE THAT SPLIT-PERSONALITY WEIRDO FROM COLNEY HATCH LUNATIC ASYLUM [tries to run] Sally: Wait! I have a message from your sister. Larry: Which is? Sally: She'll be away. For a while. Sparrow: And you might never see her again. Sally: Shush! A big while, probably. Larry: [thinking] This sounds suspicious. [speaking] To where? Sparrow: There. Sally: Shush Nowhere, just... away. Sparrow: And she loves you! 8D Larry: [thinking] This sounds very suspicious. [speaking] She what? Sally: Yep! [to Sparrow] Now shut up before he thinks we're creepier than we already are! Larry: Is she ill? Am I ill? Is this a trick? Sparrow: No. She loves you. Doctor: Davros? Is that you? Will you please quit pulling Dalek armies out of nowhere, then? Sparrow: Heh-hey, he's talking about the same place Kathy went! Didn't know they kept Dalek armies there, though. Doctor: Oh. Yeah. Well, people don't understand time. It's not what you think it is. Larry: Ignore that. [pauses again] Sally: Who is that guy, anyway? Kathy had him on a bunch of security camera video screens the night before she left. Something about not blinking? Larry: Oh, yeah, it's got the blinking bit also. I was checking to see if they're all the same. Sally: What's all the same? What is this clip, anyway? Larry: A DVD Easter Egg! What you do is type in "1138," whack the screen and then some random video clip pops up which has nothing to do with the rest of the DVD. Doctor: Complicated. Very complicated. Used to be fine until my planet made a mess of it. [gets paused by Larry] Larry: Quit interrupting me! Anyway, what's interesting is that this guy is on 17.2 DVDs, which are even more unrelated than this clip is to them. What's even more interesting is that this guy's identity is a mystery -- the producers don't know who he is, the manufacturers don't know who he is, even conspiracy theorists can't decide if he's an agent of a cult of Flying Spaghetti Monster worshippers or a cult of Invisible Pink Unicorn worshippers. He's like a ghost Easter Egg! But only on those 17.2 DVDs. No more, no less. And he just sits there making random remarks, as if reciting half a conversation. Me and the guys have been trying to figure out what the heck he's talking about, to no avail. Sparrow: By "the guys" you mean the Internet, right? Larry: ...how did you know? Sparrow: It read it on Wikipedia. That site tells you everything! Bantho: Larry, I need you! Please deal with the triple-personality woman with the talking rock at the door! Larry: Gotta go, be back in a minute. [leaves] Sally: Well, at least we're not alone. Doctor: They were to first to use it. Actually, they were the fourth. But then they used it to make themselves first. So eh. Oh well. People assume the time is a strict progression of cause to effect. But from a non-linear, non-subjective, politcally correct viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey... stuff. Sparrow: Know what, this makes perfect sense! I wonder if he knows the formula for calculating the rate of wibbly-wobbliness in a motionless plane of existance subject only to delta-axis alterations of the Q continuum? Doctor: Wait, what are you talking about? Sally: Huh, that was weird, almost like he could hear you. Doctor: Well I can hear you! Sally: Alright, now he's freaking me out! [stops clip] Sparrow: You mean I'm not doing a good enough job? Larry: [walks back in] Okay, I sent that lady back to Colney Hatch, and here's the list of 17.2 DVDs. Sparrow: 'Kay. [takes list] Bye! [leaves with Sally] Sally: Now what? Bantho: [talking to Clangers] Go to the police, you stupid aliens! Why is there no police on your planet? Sparrow: Tell you what, we should turn ourselves in to the police. I'm starting to feel bad about kidnapping poor Rocky. Larry: [overhearing] That sounds extremely suspicious... Sally: Nah, don't worry about him. We should ask about Kathy, though. [they leave for the station] [At the police station...] Sally: Hi. We-- I, sorry, just witnessed a disappearance over at Western Drumlins, and we'd like for someone to investigate it. Clerk: Wait, if you witnessed it, wouldn't you know what happened? Sally: Not really. Apparently she died a few decades ago. Clerk: How did you "just witness" it, then? Sparrow: Wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey! Sally: Shut up, Sparrow, I told you I would handle this. Clerk: Um... we'll get someone to investigate you-- I mean the case shortly... Sally: Alrighty. [sits waiting, staring out the window] Sparrow: Psst. Aren't those satues of weeping angels decorating that church over there? Sally: And? Weeping angels are used a lot in churches. [they both blink] Sparrow: OMIGOSH THEY JUMPED DOWN TO THE STREET WHILE WE WERE BLINKING! Sally: Oh dear. You're right. We really are crazy. Billy Shipton: [walks in] Hi, I'm Detective Inspector Billy Sparrow-- I mean Shipton. I'm here to investigate you-- I mean the disappearance of you friend Kathy. By the way, were you talking to yourself earlier? Sally: Do we have to explain this to everyone we meet? We're two people in one body. So deal with it, because we're sick of being shunned by society just because we have a plural consciousness. Billy: Ooh, two girlfriends for the price of one! This'll be-- let's just go to the crime scene. (In the Wester Drumlins basement...) Billy: So, basically, Kathy isn't the first to vanish from this place. Many others have disappeared from here before, nothing new, so I'm sorry but your friend doesn't really matter. Notice all the cars parked in the basement. Those were owned by people who have disappeared. How they got into the basement, the world may never know, but we can assure that Scotland Yard's best detectives are currently investigating it. Sally: Why aren't they, you know, actually investigating the disappearences instead? Billy: Um... ANYWAY, of further interest is this 1950's-era police box, also somehow in the basement. Well, not really, since it's apparently a fake. Windows are the wrong size, doesn't have a proper lock, etc. However, the lock isn't proper because we can't find a proper key to open, ergo-- Sally: Can't we just get to the really big important question? Billy: Ah, yes, the big question. The really, really, big, big question. The big question is... [pulls card out of pocket and reads it] ...will you marry me? Sally: What? Billy: Whoops, must have pulled that from the back of the deck. Can't skip ahead, y'know. [pulls out another card] Ah, yes, will you go in the drink with me? Sally: WHAT? Sparrow: Besides, you're on duty! You can't drown yourself along with others while on duty. You have to wait until after hours to do that. Billy: I'm not on duty. I asked my boss for a break because I had a family crisis. Sally: Why did you do that? Billy: Because life is short and you're a hat. Drink. [Ood Sigma walks up and hands him a shot of hair removal formula, which he drinks] Sally: Hat is a strong word, you know! > Billy: Sorry. Can I just have your name, address and phone number? We need it to stalk you-- I mean for the police records. Sally: Okay, our name is Sally Shipton-- Sparrow: SPARROW! Sally: Aw, I can't rename you Shipton? Darn. We live in the basement of what used to be Colney Hatch Lunatic Asylum, and we have no phone. We just get outside info down the grapevine. Sparrow: Yeah, you stick the end grape in your ear-- Sally: He doesn't need to know the details. Billy: ...what? Sally: Don't look at us. Bye! [walks away, not noticing that Rocky falls out of her pocket] Rocky Peter Stone: I shall now take the liberty of renaming myself Peter Stone. Billy: Sally Shipton. Tee hee. [looks back at the weeping angel statues] Hmm. How did those get here? [Outside...] Sparrow: Didn't he say something about they couldn't find a key to open the police box? Maybe our necklace is secretly a universal police box key forged by Neville Chamberlain as a failsafe in case of some worldwide crisis. Sally: Sparrow, think logically. Did Chamberlain ever make any precautions against worldwide crises? Don't believe every conspiracy theory you hear. Sparrow: It's worth a shot. And I'm not the one who thinks that the shooter on the grassy knoll destroyed the U.S.S. Maine and is hiding with his fellow Illuminati at Area 51... [returns to Wester Drumlins] (Meanwhile, in 1969... (no really I don't know quit asking)) Billy: [slams into the wall of a subway station] Urgh. Where am I? Doctor: There. I'm Here, but those guys behind that wall don't want me to start with that. Billy: Which wall? Doctor: The fourth one. In case you didn't notice, you've landed in the year 1969. Not a bad year, even the moon landings were sporty. Martha: Oh, the moon landings are brilliant. Watched them four times. Back when we had transport, of course. Even though travelling there in a hospital and getting chased around by extraterrestrial rhinos is more fun. Billy: How did I get here? Doctor: You're not Here, you're There. But anyway, we both got to our respective locations the same way, the touch of an angel! Same one, his name's Eggbert. Eggs for short. That's why we're in the same year. Fascinating race, the Weeping Angels. Only psychopaths in the universe who kill you nicely. No mess, no fuss, they just zap you into the past and let you live to death. The rest of your life used up and blown away in the blink of an eye. You die in the past, and in the present they consume the energy of all the days you might have had, all your stolen moments. They're creatures of the abstract. They live off potential energy. They're also really good topics for dramatic speeches. Billy: What are you talking about? Martha: Between you and me, I never have any clue as to what he's saying either. I just travel with him because time travel's so much fun. Billy: How'd you find me? Doctor: With this thing! [waves thing] This is my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff. It can boil an egg at thirty paces, whether you want it to or not. That's why I stay away from hens, unless they don't believe in global warming. In which case I blow them up while saying, "That's your choice, no pressure." Speaking of boiling eggs, I'm sure Eggbert got angry because of it... Billy: Why were you searching for me? Doctor: I need you to pass a message for me, to a woman --two of them actually, but they might as well be one-- named Sally Anne Sparrow. Actually, it's Sally and Sparrow, but that's beside the point. And I'm sorry, I'm so, so, sorry, but you have two shadows -- I mean, it's gonna take a while. (Thirty-eight years later...) Universal Telephone Ring sound effect: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING!! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING!! Sally: What's that sound? Sparrow: It must the Universal Telephone Ring. You know, the one telephone ring to rule them all, one telephone ring to find them, one telephone ring to gather near and in the darkness bind them. Sally: What the Haeckel's embryos are you talking about? Sparrow: It's a stock sound effect used in practically every single movie. Haven't you wondered why all the telephones sound the same? Sally: Huh. There's a grapevine hanging from that wall. The ring must be coming from there. Oh wait, Rocky's here! We must have dropped him. [picks up Peter Stone] Peter Stone Rocky: Curses! Sparrow: [inserts grape in ear] Hello? Grape: St. Albion's Hospital. Room #7258. Be there. Sally: Probably a telemarketer, definitely an annoying cybercall. Sparrow: Meh, let's go there anyway. (At the hospital...) Sally: We're looking for room #7258. Lobbyist: It's right between #7257 and #7259. Sally: Okay then. (In room #7258...) Billy: Eh? You two! Haven't seen you in years! Sparrow: My, you're all grown up now! I remember when you were only this big. [does $5 footlong hand motions] Billy: Ah, yes. I had a dream last night. Wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff happened and turned me into a Subway sandwich. Then I ate a five dollar bill, which makes no sense considering we're in England, but whatever. Also, two-thirds of the universe got eaten. But that's beside the point. Sparrow: Obviously your dream means that you will assist the Time Agency in using the D.C.-area Metrorail system to drug the U.S. population via their food, thereby controlling the American economy and establishing the New British Empire. Sally: Actually, I think the dream foretells the rise of the New Welsh Empire. Sparrow: Is there really a difference anymore? Sally: Not really. Billy: In other news, back in 1969 I met a man called the Doctor. He told me to give you a message. "Look at the list." Specifically a list of 17.2 DVDs. Sally: Wait a minute... [pulls out DVD list, along with Rocky] Rocky: Can I stay with the nice old man? He dreams about world domination through mass drugging and he's still not as creepy as you. Billy: I slipped the Easter Eggs into the DVDs, once I got my job with Asylum Entertainment. I also changed the Evacuation Earth and Return to Earth video games to be more sucky so the Eleventh Doctor wouldn't look more awesome than the Tenth. I also implanted microchips with speakers into grape seeds. Dunno why he told me to do that, though. Now what do all 17.2 DVDs have in common? Sally: I'm not sure... Sparrow: Neither am I. How did he know, though. Billy: He said I'd never know, but you'll figure it out in due time. Sally: We'll tell you once we find out. Don't worry. Billy: Sorry. The Doctor said I'd only meet you one more time -- the day I die. That's right. I'm dying today. Tonight, actually. Sally: We'll stay with you until then. Sparrow: Yeah! We'll finally get to see someone die! Awesome! Can we run home to get our cam-- Sally: No. Sparrow: Aw... (Later...) Sally: Well, he's gone now. Kinda saddening watching someone die... Sparrow: Oh, he died already? That was anticlimatic. I was expecting something a bit more spectacular. Sally: Let's call Larry about the DVDs. I think I have it all figured out now. Sparrow: But don't have a phone! We used the grapevine. Sally: We can go wireless, you know. Sparrow: Huh. Great idea! [they both pulls a pair of grapes from grape bowl next to Billy's bed and insert one into their mouth and ear] Sally: Wurt's hith phone nubber? Sparrow: Jud roll de glape awound til we weach hib. (A few awkward calls later, including contacts with a guy who had a heart attack because he thought his wife was drowning, a woman with a moustache and no eyebrows, and a fellow named Steven Moffat who gagged when he learned what was happening...) Larry: Hello? Sally: Hoy hoy! Wifffounde theequet ubdi theffendeen boyntoo deebeedees. Larry: What? Sally: [spits out grape (causing an odd noise for Larry to hear) and holds it to her lips] We found the secret of the 17.2 DVDs. Larry: Okay, what's the secret? Sally: They're all OUR DVDS! Larry: You've only got 17.2 DVDs? Sparrow: We live in a basement, you know. Sally: Do you have a portable DVD player? Larry: Yeah. Sally: Great! Bring it with you. Meet us at Wester Drumlins. Bye! [eats grape] Larry: [thinking] What is she doing to her phone?! (At Wester Drumlins...) Larry: 'Kay. Here it is. [starts playing DVD Easter egg] Sally: The Doctor, I presume? Doctor: [through Easter Egg] Yep, probably me. Sparrow: Hey, that was creepy... Larry: Don't worry. It sounds like he replied, but every time it plays, he says that. Doctor: I do? Goodness, being trapped for so long is making me repetitive. It's like I'm the Midnight Entity. It's like I'm the Midnight Entity. But yeah, I'm repeating all this. And this. And this. And this. Sparrow: Yep, totally repititive. Doctor: Well, excuse me if it offends you-- Sparrow: Wait, he CAN hear us! Larry: Nah. I've got a transcript of everything he says right here. "Yep, probably me," the repetitive spiel, "Well excuse me if it offends you," "Quit reading that list, Larry, I really can--" Doctor: Quit reading that list, Larry, I really can hear her. Larry: Heh, sorry. Sally: Who are you? Doctor: I'm a time traveller. I'm stuck. Martha: We're stuck. Have you tried supporting this guy? He blows all his money on hiring people to put Easter Eggs in DVDs-- Doctor: Go away, this is my show after all. Sally: Haven't we seen this before? Doctor: Quite possibly. Sally: 1969? That's where you're talking from? Doctor: 'Fraid so. Sally: But you're replying to us! You can't know exactly what we going to say forty years before we say it! Doctor: Thirty-eight. Larry: Wow. I gotta write this down, your lines too! Sally: How? How is this possible? Tell me! Sparrow: You will tell me! YOU WILL TELL ME! Doctor: Davros? Is that you? Will you please quit pulling Dalek armies out of nowhere, then? Sally: Nope, that was Sparrow. Doctor: Oh. Yeah. Well, people don't understand time. It's not what you think it is. Sally: What is it, then? Doctor: Complicated. Very complicated. Used to be fine until my planet made a mess of it. They were to first to use it. Actually, they were the fourth. But then they used it to make themselves first. So eh. Sally: I'm clever, and I'm listening. Rocky: o rly? Sparrow: Me too. Rocky: O RLY? Sally: So don't patronize us. People have died, and I'm not happy. Doctor: Oh well. People assume the time is a strict progression of cause to effect. But from a non-linear, non-subjective, politcally correct viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey... stuff. Sparrow: Yeah, I saw this part before. You've said that since it got away from you. Doctor: Wait, what are you talking about? Sparrow: That big rainbow minnow on-- Sally: Ignore her. Next thing you'll say is, "Well, I can hear you!" Rocky: Yes, can you? Pretty please with sediment on top? Doctor: Well, I can hear you! Rocky: YES! What is your life dream so I reward you with it? Doctor: Well, not hear you-- Rocky: ...th-that's your life's dream...? THIS ISN'T FAIR! The only person who can hear me is the one whose life dream is not hear me! Doctor: --but I know everything you're going to say. Rocky: And he's a stalker, too. Come ON! Sally: How can you know what we're going to say? Doctor: Look to your left. Larry: Always wondered about that bit. I've written 749 books about it. Personally? I think it's a political statement. Vote Saxon, everyone! Sparrow: He means you. Larry: Wait, I'm Saxon? [reaches into pocket and finds a chameleon watch] Oh, great... ._. Sally: No no no no.... Larry: AAGH NOW I'M HEARING THE FOUR DRUMBEATS HELP ME Sally: No, I mean, what are you doing? Larry: Freaking out because-- Sparrow: She means with the transcript. Larry: Oh. I'm writing in your lines. That way, I have a complete transcript of the whole conversation. Wait until this hits the net, it'll explode the forums! Sparrow: We're not supposed to discuss other forums, sorry. Doctor: I've got a copy of the finished transcript. It's on my autocue. Sparrow: You're reading your lines off a screen? Doctor: Yeah. Why? Are my eyes moving back and forth? Sparrow: Yeah. Eyes of a thief, they say. Doctor: Hey! I only stole a TARDIS... and three outfits from a hospital... Sally: How can you have a copy of the finished transcript? It's still being written! Doctor: I'm a time-traveller. Got it in the future. Sally: Wait. You're reading from a transcript of a conversation you're still having? Doctor: Wibbly wobbly timey wimey. Sally: Never mind. Sparrow: [to Larry] Ooh, you can write in Old High Squigglian? Larry: Actually it's an ancient technique of rapid verbal transciption invented by Julius Caesar. Sparrow: Oh. Why is the real explanation for everything so boring? Doctor: What matters is that we can communicate. KIYF6rf$#4w8gvdbeUYGg4488?;[odybvg eevfe643%$KOBh<>,.+=DDDDb!!? Sparrow: Quod erat demonstratum... Doctor: Ignore that. In an ontological paradox that pops up at random, there should at least be some gibberish in it. We have big problems right now. Sally: Definitely quod erat demonstatum! Doctor: They've taken the blue box, haven't they? The Angels have the phone box. Larry: "The Angels have the phone box." That's my favourite, I've got it on a T-shirt! And a baseball cap! And one of those backwards bathrobe things! Sparrow: They're called Snuggies. Sally: What do you mean by angels? Those things? [points to one of the statues] Doctor: Creatures from another world. Sally: But they're just statues! Sparrow: Hey, that would explain Stonehenge... Doctor: Only when you see them. The Lonely Assassins, they used to be called. They're as old as the universe, or very nearly. They've survived this long because they have the most perfect defense system ever evolved... or created, I don't want to start that whole discussion again. They're quantum locked. Sparrow: Oh yeah, I studied something like that. Basically, if you put Sally in a box in a forest with no one to hear her scream, and there's a Geiger counter monitering the radioactive emissions of a chunk of neptunium which has a 50/50 chance of triggering a mechanism that chops down a tree which falls on her, does she makes a sound? The answer is both yes and no, because quantum superposition dictates that until you open the box, she's both dead and alive, and is wandering around as a zombie. And that's why the tree will continue to be, since observed by Yours Faithfully, God. Sally: ...that is the single craziest piece of philosophy I have ever heard. Larry: Yeah. Not even going to bother transcribing that. Sparrow: Well, that's Descartes, Schrödinger and Berkely in a nutcase -- I mean nutshell. Doctor: It kinda works like that, yes. As long as any other living being looks at them, they freeze into stone. Not a choice, just a fact of their biology. Sparrow: Then we should tolerate them like good Brits! We shouldn't kill them. Anyone who disagrees wih me will be sent to the Death Camp of Tolerance. Doctor: Ah, but you can't kill a stone. 'Course, a stone can't kill you either. Rocky: Uh huh. [remembers below] (Meanwhile, a few thousand years ago...) Goliath: Silly David. Stones can't kill people. David: O RLY? [slings Peter Stone into Goliath's forehead] Peter Stone: Why do I always get the messy job-- AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH [splat] (Back in the present...) Rocky: Goodness, us rocks are insanely old. Also, I miss my old name. Doctor: But then you turn your head. And then you blink, and oh, yes, it can. Rocky: Come to think of it, he's right! (Meanwhile, a few centuries ago...) Saxon warrior: Let's storm the castle! Briton warrior: Can't we settle this democratically? Saxon warrior: Come to think of it, good idea. Vote Saxon for a better Briton! Briton warrior: [drops Peter Stone over the wall onto the Saxon's head while he isn't looking] Saxon warror: Da da da dum, da da da dum, da da da [THUMP] (Back in the present...) Rocky: [sigh] I miss my old boring days as part of Sandal Castle. Sally: Don't take your eyes off that thing. Larry: Yes, mummy. ._. Doctor: That's why they cover their eyes. They're not really weeping, they just can't risk looking at each other. Sparrow: They're that ugly? Doctor: Kinda. You'll see. Their greastest asset is their greatest curse. They can never be seen. Loneliest creatures in the universe. Rocky: Oh yeah? They have telepathy! I'm the loneliest creature because no one ever listens to me! Doctor: And I'm sorry, I'm very, very sorry-- Rocky: Uh huh. Doctor: --but it's up to you now. The blue box, it's my time machine. There's a world of time energy in there that they could feast off for months. The damage they could do might switch off the sun! It's up to you to get it back to me. Sally: How? Sparrow: How? Wolf in the distance (who may or may not be Bad): Hoooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwww! Doctor: And... that's it, I'm afraid. I've got no more from you on the transcript. That's the last I've got. I don't know what stopped you talking, but I can guess -- they're coming. The Angels are coming. So listen to me, because you're life could depend on this -- don't blink. Blink and you're dead. They are fast, faster than you could believe. Don't look away, don't turn your back, and DON'T BLINK. Also, don't let me eat a pear. I hate pears! When I wake up, I don't want to find I've done something stupid like eating-- Martha: [offscreen] Wrong video warning. Doctor: Whoops. Anyway, good luck. [video ends] Sally: Wait, no, you can't! Sparrow: I know! Eating a pear, how horrible! Larry: I'll rewind it! Sparrow: What good will that do? He'll just eat it again! Sally: Wait. You're not looking at it. Larry: Neither are you... Everyone: [turns to look at Angel Bob] Angel Bob: Boo. Larry: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH OH MY GOSH IT'S COMING TO EAT US Sally: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH OH MY GOSH IT'S COMING TO EAT US Sparrow: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH OH MY GOSH IT'S GOING TO MAKE US REVIEW HIS MOCS Sally: Keep looking at it! Sparrow: Yeah! Keeping looking at it! Maybe we can make it feel awkward, or we could start praising its colour scheme! Larry: It's just this one. We're okay. We just can staring at it and we'll be fine. Like a watched printer, it'll never connect. Sparrow: Maybe if we cross our eyes we can stare at all four. Larry: Wait, FOUR?! Sparrow: Yeah! The three others from the basement! I think I hear them mooing! Other three Angels: Mooooooooooooooooooo... Larry: You mean they're coming for us also? Sally: Yep! We'll go look for them! You stay here! Don't blink, turn your back, look away, drink the water or let it eat a pear, okay? We'll be back in a sec! [leaves with Sparrow] Rocky: Didn't he get killed by Thay? Sally: We'll go to the front door. [All four of them back away carefully] Sally: 'Kay, we can't get to the front door without looking away, so stay here! We'll be just around the corner, so stay here! Sparrow: We might pick up some coffee on the way, so stay here! I like annoying you by adding "so stay here" to all my sentences, so stay here! Sally: [rattles door] They've locked us in! Rocky: I'd happily let you use me to smash that window if you promise-- Larry: Why? Rocky: Well, because I haven't smashed-- Sally: We've got something they want! Rocky: Oh, they're coming for me? Finally! Although I'm not "something," you-- Sparrow: The necklace! Larry: What about it? I bought it at-- Sally: You're wearing a necklace? I hadn't noticed. Sparrow: No, our necklace. It's actually a universal police box key forged by Neville Chamberlain as a failsafe in case of some worldwide crisis. Rocky: Wait, when did Nev-- Larry: Then give them the necklace! Give them what they want! Sparrow: Why? We worked hard for this thing! Sally and I are going to find a way out. You stay here. Larry: Must... not... blink... or... look... away... [is distracted by a butterfly] Angel Bob: Boo. Again. Larry: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH Sparrow: Why don't we go downstairs? Sally: Why? Sparrow: Because it's always safer downstairs, of course. (They go downstairs and find the other three angels, plus the TARDIS) Sparrow: I told you it was safer downstairs. Sally: But there's three of them! Sparrow: But as long as we can see them, they can't see us! Larry: [creeps down slowly after them, looking up instead of down and therefore posing a greater risk of breaking his neck then with Angel Bob reaching for it] Sure that'll work? [looks back at Sally and Sparrow] Sally: I think the Bugblatter Beast of Traal uses similar logic, but whatever... oh, and there's the one you were playing stare-eyes with. Larry: Yeah, kinda followed me. But why is it pointing at the... Lightbulb: [yawn] Larry: ...lightbulb? TARDIS Telephone: Hey, who turned out the lights? Sally, Sparrow and Larry: [unanimously] OH SNAP [all run to the TARDIS as the light flickers] Rocky: Finally. It was getting late. (The light flickers dramatically, with the Angels getting closer each time and the TARDIS telephone repeating "Hey, who turned out the lights?" each time) Sparrow: Both of you! Repeat "buffalo buffalo buffalo" ad nauseam until it opens! Sally: No, silly, the password is obviously "swordfish"! Sparrow: If that were the password, it would have opened by-- Larry: PLEASE, LADIES, JUST PUT THE KEY IN THE LOCK! Sparrow: But it won't fit! Sally: Oh, come on, you're inserting it backwards! [snaps fingers in exasperation, causing the TARDIS doors to open] Larry: That was easy. o_o Sparrow: There's something wrong about the inside of this thing, isn't there? Rocky: Well duh, it's bigger it's on the-- Sally: Yeah, but I can't put my finger on it. Something's, I dunno... geometrically impossible about it? Sparrow: You're right! Still can't figure it out, though. Rocky: It's bigger on the inside! How can you not notice? Sally: Ah! I've got it! Sparrow: So have I! It's... Rocky: Bigger on the inside. Just say it already. Sally and Sparrow: [simultaneously] ...smaller on the outside! Rocky: [imaginary facepalm] The Doctor's Hologram: [appears, sitting on a support column] This is Security Protocol 712. This programme has detected the presence of an authorized control disc. Please insert it into the slot you see in front of you. Larry: The DVD we were playing! Which slot, though? The one on the left or the one on the right? I'll try right. [inserts it into the right slot, which then begins to produce a crunching noise] The Doctor's Hologram: Oh, yeah, the right slot is the wrong one. That's a disc shredder. Please use the left slot. Larry: NOW WHAT? D: Sparrow: Hmm? What happened? I was too busy checking out the TARDIS's swimming pool. It even has a library in it, with a DVD section! Larry: [grabs a DVD of the same title and tries to insert it into the left slot, but is interrupted by the TARDIS's sharp rocking] What is happening? Sally: [reading War and Peace at the bottom of the swimming pool, as Larry splashes into the pool] Hmm? They're trying to shake us, so we'll bump our heads and die! Sparrow: Yeah. We should have expected that. The Doctor wouldn't be stupid enough to bump his head on the console and die. The Doctor's Hologram: Well... Larry: [manages to climb out and insert the DVD... into the left slot] Finally! [hears crunching noise] OH COME ON! The Doctor's Hologram: In the effect of massive shaking -- i.e., most of our journeys, the two slots will switch positions, for reasons unknown because I accidentally stuck the TARDIS tutorial DVD in the shredder slot. Sally: Well, it's off to 1969 I guess! TARDIS: vworp vworp vworp Sparrow: Hey, I just realized the TARDIS ceiling is looking more and more like the Wester Drumlins cei-- OH MY GOSH IT'S LEAVING US BEHIND! Sally: No, Doctor! [dodges bottle of Urbankan acid] Don't leave us! Weeping Angels: Boo. Larry, Sally, Sparrow and Rocky: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH [all huddle together as the TARDIS vanishes around them] Sally: Look at them, Larry! LOOK AT THEM! (They look at the Angels, who are now standing in ring around them) Larry: ...I don't think we have to. They're looking at each other. They'll never move again. Rocky: My owners have been permanently petrified now? NOOOOOO! Now I'm going to end up as part of a castle for another hundred years! (A jiffy and a half later... and by that I mean one year...) Larry: [at Sparrow and Nightingale bookstore] So, will you two mind the shop while I'm gone? Sally: Sure... even though it's not fair that my name isn't on it... Larry: What's that? [points to envelope Sally and Sparrow are holding] Sally: Oh, nothing. Larry: What is it? [pulls it away and empties the contents, revealing the transcript of the Doctor's conversation, some images of the Angels which are themselves Angels, and Rocky] Rocky: Thank goodness, it's stuffy in there. Larry: Ladies, all that is over with. Can't you just let it go? Sparrow: Of course not! If we let it go, it could run off to who-knows-where, start breeding, and then get hit by a car. Sally: Besides, how did the Doctor get the transcript we made? Where did he get the information from? Larry: Some things we'll just never know, you know? Sally: How do you know? Larry: I don't know. Sparrow: See, he doesn't even know how he knows that some things we'll never know, you know. We do we listen to him? Larry: Because this might get in the way of, you know, other things. Sally: It's just a shop, you know. Or maybe you don't and possibly never will. And my name isn't even on it! [grumpily stuffs everything back into the envelope, including Rocky] Larry: Anyway... I'll be back in a minute. [leaves shop] (Outside, a taxi pulls up, with the Doctor and Martha exiting it, carrying quivers of arrows for some strange reason. Then again, this IS Doctor Who...) Sally: Doctor! Sparrow: Doctor! Doctor: Hmm? Oh, hello, sorry, can't talk now, in a bit of a rsuh, I have this thing to take care of, well, four things, well, four things and a lizard... Random Silurian: [pops out of sewer] Hey, that's racist! It's not like we call humans "apes" or anything! [pops back in before anything calls the police about there being mutant alligators in the sewers of London] Sally: Oh my goodness, it really is you! Doctor: It is? Oh yeah, it is. Yeah, well, I kinda lives a complex life, don't always see things in the right order, am rubbish at weddings, especially my own, especially the time I almost married an Aztec as part of a ritual... Sparrow: Of course! You're a time traveller! Doctor: Well, I used to be, back in the year 5142. I still am, though. Sparrow: All that was in your future! Doctor: What, the year 5142? Of course! It's in everyone's future, since it's 1138 right now, right? Shush, I'm trying to stay incognito. That's why I've got the weaponry. Sally: No, no, no... I'm talking about... eh. One of these you're going to get suck in the year 1969. Here. [gives envelope] Take this, you'll need it. Doctor: Um, okay. Gotta go now... did I mention the four things and a lizard? What was your name, anyway? Sally: Sally. Sparrow: And Sparrow! We're two different people. Doctor: Oh. I know the feeling. Bye! Sally and Sparrow: Bye! Larry: [walks up] Okay, got the bread, the eggs, the milk, the yellowcake uranium-- wait, was that the Doctor? Sally: Yep! Sparrow: And I just realized, he took Rocky! D: (Meanwhile...) Doctor: Hmm, what IS in here, anyway? [opens envelope] Oh, look, a rock. Rocky Peter Stone: That's all I am to anyone, eh? Well now that I'm out of that schizo girl's hands I demand that I may or may not be Peter Stone! Doctor: Alright, May Or May Not Be Peter Stone, what were you doing in this envelope? Peter Stone: Oddest coincidence so far, but that's all it is, I'm afraid. Sigh. Forever alone... Doctor: Oh, but I can hear you! Peter Stone: ...you... can? Doctor: Yep! A little Time Lord gift I share with you. So can the folks behind the wall. Peter Stone: Which wall? I see three. Doctor: The fourth one. Peter Stone: Oh, don't tell me-- Doctor: [picks up Peter Stone and hurls him at the fourth wall, causing it to shatter violently] Peter Stone: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH Doctor: Don't blink! [visions of statues falsh all around] Blink and you're dead! [more statues flash] Don't turn your back... [statue statue statue] don't look away... [yet another set of statues] and DON'T BLINK! Martha: Um... who are you talking to? Doctor: Hmm? No one. Just some friends of mine I wished a Merry Christmas to once. Never mind that, according to this transcript, we're going to get ambushed by Weeping Angels sometime soon. How is that possible? The Angels never came to Earth... Martha: What? Wasn't listening, sorry. I was busy checking out these cool 3D statue pictures. They're incredibly lifelike! Doctor: Fascinating-- wait, did you say 3D? Angels: Boo. [sends them both off to 1969] THE END
  9. Ladies, gentlemen and whatever the third group is, from the same engineers who built the Lhikevikk Cactus Factory and the Midnight Train to Nowhere, I present... the Leaning Tower of Pizza! Our finest dream yet! The Leaning Tower of Pizza would be a 42-story-tall building, tilted at a four-degree angle and built mostly out of pizza boxes. The top of the tower is decorated by a statue of Joseph Ducreux, alternating every six months between his mocking pose and his yawning pose. Gargoyles ring the ledges of the tower, in the form of tuatara-headed eagles. From the forty-first floor protrudes a diving board for people to jump off of. Enough about the top of the tower. How about the bottom? The entrance begins with the lobby, where visitors are greeted by a somewhat glitchy animatronic clown. Outside lies a quicksand parking lot and a lemonade stand that sells only orange juice. The stand also has a half-empty (or, more positively speaking, half-full) glass of lemonade on the roof, designed for catching swimmers jumping off the aforementioned diving board. Inside the tower, one finds himself with three choices: taking the elevator, climbing Staircase U or climbing Staircase V. The elevator is the fastest route, as it is powered by thermite rockets on the way up and free-falls on the way down. Staircase U is much longer and will take you absolutely nowhere (besides the brink of insanity) because a complex mechanical system moves the bottom flight of steps to the top and vice versa. The mechanical system is concealed from inside the staircase, leading to the sensation that the staircase is infinite. (The motion is also somewhat dizzying.) The only way to escape from this infinite staircase is to jump out of one of the two windows in the staircase (the real one, not the one painted on the wall) and into the quicksand, or, if you're lucky, into the glass of lemonade. But hey, at least the glass is half-full! ... Right? Staircase V is probably the nicest route, if you ignore the fact that it is infested with lobsters, and that the fire alarm and sprinkler system is constatly on, due to the fire alarm switch being superglued down. Oh, and by the way, because we use the old Roman alphabet you have no way of telling which staircase is which because the signs both read "Staircase V." Now, you are probably thinking "What the heck is the purpose of this building?" Well, Floors 1-12 serve as a museum on the history of pizza. Floor 13 functions as a luxury hotel. Floors 14-28 serve as offices, Floors 29-33 are a documentary studio, Floors 34-39 contains various religious insitutions (churches, synagouges, mosques, shrines, temples, sports bars, etc.), Floor 40 has a gymnasium, Floor 41 has a spa and Floor 42 has an observation deck so tourists can ponder life, the universe and everything. Despite assistance from Sumiki's Psychiatric Clinic and KK17's Lunatic Asylum, donations should help us complete the project. Please be a part of ths historic project. When it opens, everyone will be invited! (Pidgeons are especially welcome.)
  10. There was a boy There was a girl Sitting on a rafter. A snake was there Wrapped in a curl Hissing silent laughter. It bit the boy It choked the girl And they died happily ever after.
  11. After watching the Doctor Who Christmas special, I totally want one as a pet. B)
  12. Oh, my aching back! Might as well call workman's comp. It's thrown out again...
  13. Some of the greatest Doctor Who serials are from his tenure. Shame how all but six of them have not survived in full. (Not counting The Three/Five/Two Doctors or The Invasion, which had its missing parts replaced with animation.) All hail the Mighty Trout! EDIT: By the way, I should change my name to The Second Doctor sometime...
  14. Months ago, in our previous duel, Harrison Ford shot himself Han Solo shot Indiana Jones out of the saloon! But no duel could ever compare to this next one. It's so big, it barely fits in the solar system, let alone a saloon! First up, we have the Makuta, alternatively known as... EVERYTHING! On the other side of the battle, we have the Master, alternatively known as... EVERYONE! Who will win? YOU DECIDE! VOTE NOW! VOTE NOW! VOTE NOW!
  15. It had to go. Filesize was too big. Sorry. On the brighter side, at least Aho warned me.
  16. If one is dead, they are not living. Living is the opposite of dying. But if one is dead, they are not dying, because they are already dead. If one is dying, they cannot be dead, because to be dead they have to have already died. If one is dying, they cannot be living, either, because living is the opposite of dying. There are two states of being. One is living or one is dead, there is no third option. If one is living, they cannot be dying, if one is dead, they cannot be dying. Since there is no third option... [drumroll] ...IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO DIE!
  17. With scissors. I just went SNIP and then two halves of the fly I was trying to assassinate fell onto the windowsill. I don't believe in squishing flies, BTW.
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