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  1. Prologue: Meta Land TG: (hits cowbell) Helryx: Ta-ha-ha-hu Ta-ha-ha-ha-hu, Ta-ha-ha-hu Ta-ha-ha-ha-hu, Ta-ha-ha-hu Ta-ha-ha-ha-hu, Ta-ha-ha-hu Ta-ha-ha-ha! I think about that day I left him in my golden throne room, West of the left arm. We were fighting hard, and he was about to kill me. I did what I had to do. 'Cause I just knew. When he served me right, He listened to me all the time, Especially when I lied. A Orderly Empire made of hate and tyranny! It called me to be their proud Queen… Except, Her Orderly Empress. Helryx and Axonn: With the Toa Code to my name, I dropped it, here I came, Could be evil or just insane! Teridax: Um, well, maybe... Helryx: Cause maybe in Mata Nui, They’ll all give up, We’ll have to see. They’ll see my face and think of how they--- Orderly Faction: Tried to kill us. Climb these hills, I'm reaching for the heights, and chasing all the lights that shine. And when they beat you down, you'll get up off the ground, 'cause fate just rolls around, and the battle’s just begun. Axonn: I hate 'em ev'ry day, the fighters in the canyons that stomped my poor foot away. The bodies in the battles left by rebels fought before. They say "you suck at leading us." So Axxie shuts them up! Roodaka: And always when the answer's "no", Or when their work is going slow, their heart stones need not need to glow. They’re all hypocrites. Karzahni: And some days as I walk along, a snotty being will come along... Roodaka and Karzahni: That'll be the reason to obliterate them. Orderly Faction: Climb these hills, I'm reaching for the heights, and chasing all the lights that shine. And when they beat you down, you'll get up off the ground, 'Cause fate just rolls around, and the battle’s just begun. TG: (BIG BAND BREAK. PLAYS ALL INSTRUMENTS AT SAME TIME.) TG: (ALSO REALLY HITS COWBELL) Helryx: And when they let you down, the morning rolls around... Orderly Faction: ‘Cause the battle's just begun, see the battle's just begun, This song’s not making fun, of “Another Day of Sun,” Just when we will have won, The Resistance will be done, And, it's the battle's just begun… You’ll see the Empire won! ===It's finally here! Here's the Prologue to ​The Hero Tahu​, the third season of ​the remake series of The Adventures of Tahu​--which is now officially titled ​Tahu's Antics: Orderly Turmoil​. Expect new releases, including chapters and specials, every Friday. That means that Chapter 1 is coming in only three days! I seriously hope you guys enjoy this comedy---it's been long in the making to be the best thing it can possibly be. Let's get it on. ~|MetaStriker Productions|~
  2. Hello there. So I've been making some Bionicle meme videos lately and I thought I'd share: That feeling when you will never enter another store that sells Bionicles™ (but there's hope) And a bonus: There are a lot more of these on my YouTube channel, however they are probably not appropriate for this forum lol Enjoy
  3. Well, I guess they still haven't turned off Premier Perks. Which means I can still post on this blog. I really don't have much else to say, besides please for the love of all things vote for a title. That's about it. P.S. As quoted from Discord, I honestly wouldn't be surprised if the next game Sakurai is working on is a crossover between FE and Smash Like, all of the FE characters fight like they're in Smash, but there's an actual story, dialogue and choices like in FE Super Smash Bros. Emblem, releasing tomorrow. That's what Nintendo needs to sell 100M Switch units. That one game. Saturday, July 29th, 2017. Count on it. Can't possibly be a worse idea than The Emoji Movie​ anyway. Well, whatever. It's been a fun time. ~MetaStriker
  4. Hah, I said yesterday would be my last entry but it wasn't. I guess I didn't accurately grasp the concept of "one week" and didn't think the Premier Perks would extend all day Thursday. My bad. Well anyway, I really have nothing to reveal regarding the ​STILL UNTITLED REMAKE COMEDY​. At this point, I'm either going to have to go with SPIRIT's title or just slap something else up there. ​Also, make sure to check out OKONICLE: The Okay Chronicle!! It's a comedy collaboration between myself and Master Inika on the story of 2001...somewhat. Check it out, it's something that I hope is fun for everyone to read! Here's the link: http://www.bzpower.com/board/topic/25003-okonicle-the-okay-chronicle/ Again, I don't have an official release date for The Hero Tahu​, but trust me when I say that I am working on it and it will most definitely come. Above all, I want to give the comedy the level of polish it deserves, no matter how long it takes, because I know it's all worth it. ​Perhaps I'll release a spin-off? I'm not entirely sure, but it's something I may look into eventually. Right now, my priorities are whatever's going on in my life, followed by OKONICLE, followed by THT. Whatever the case, I hope to be around here as much as I can. Until I feel that I'm done. ​And don't worry, I'm not done yet. I haven't been done for years. Even when I took a hiatus in 2013, I kinda figured I'd be back someday. ​I'm happy I am. ​See you next July 20th, ~MetaStriker
  5. Day 5!! Already two days before I bid my blog goodbye for a year. Sad. Well anyway, today I'm going to throw together some hodge-podge stuff. Some timeline info on the remake, some deleted scenes. Teasers for the third season will come tomorrow and Wednesday. Hope you enjoy! ​GENERAL NOTES ABOUT THE REMAKE Four seasons - Transport, Consequence, The Hero, ​CENSORED​ (what? I can't give you the title just yet!) Replacing The Adventures of Tahu canon ​(this is correct) Will obliterate The Fire Chronicles canon ​(Yes. As stated before, TFC and its sequel are no longer canon with the release of this comedy.) Releasing chapters weekly, at least 6-7 days apart ​(Besides a few monthly gaps, this remained mostly true.) PSAs, Specials, Interviews still exist ​(That they do.) Brutaka/Vezon storyline = main addition ​(Brutaka was a minor character in TAoT. Here, he's a major character along with Vezon, despite their mysterious showings so far. They'll be further explored in The Hero Tahu​.) More epicomedy ​​(Somewhat true, but a large number of chapters in this comedy have contradicted this.)Humor is mostly reserved to NAW characters ​(This is mostly true, however.) [*]TNTS, Narrator, Censorer, Transition Guy, Guardius, Formata, Extra Guy ​(Yup.) [*]No stupid romantic subplots. ​(Almost...) [*]Will Hero Factory appear? If so, not until S2E10. ​(You'll see.) [*]No fan-made characters or Nintendo storyline, besides NAW ​(Still remains true. Meta may be a white and gold version of Meta Knight, but he's also a part of MetaStriker so...) [*]Only Narrator ventures out of Wig Salon. ​(Pretty much. TSO joined him last-minute.) [*]Less extra characters; characters that appear are mainly recurring/play some major role in story ​(Mostly true, though I'm looking to add a few characters in The Hero Tahu​.) [*]More background ​(YES.) [*]Lewa's dead. ​(Yup. This was explained.) [*]Motivation for fighting. ​(I mean, if you haven't seen it by now...) [*]Still needs a title ​(sTiLL neeDS a TiTLe) ...seriously!! Please vote for a title. Next up... ​UNTITLED REMAKE COMEDY PLOT TIMELINE: 2006-2011 2006 NOTE: Everything before this year has gone just as usual in the plot. The Toa Inika defeat the Piraka. The Ignika falls into Mahri Nui, and the Toa pursue it. As Teridax's essence prepares to follow them into The Cord, a hurricane destroys the Piraka Stronghold. The Piraka and Umbra are killed; as the hurricane surfaces, the leader of the Order stands in the stronghold's ruins. Helryx stops Teridax from following the Toa and forces him to form an alliance with her, or face death. Suspicious, Brutaka questions Helryx's agenda. She ignores him. Axonn sides with Helryx in agreement, without hesitation. Brutaka attacks Axonn in disagreement, but Helryx fluidly pushes Brutaka away from them, into the raging storm outside. Helryx declares an end to the Order of Mata Nui and crowns herself as empress of the Orderly Empire. Teridax officially abandons his plans and joins her, reorganizing the Brotherhood of Makuta to be an army faction under the Order. ​2007 The Toa Inika transform into the Toa Mahri, fighting the Barraki in search of the Ignika, Mask of Life. Helryx and Axonn travel to Odina to ally with the Dark Hunters. They meet some of the Toa Nuva there, convincing them to abandon their mission and return to Metru Nui. Helryx effortlessly convinces the rather dumb Shadowed One to ally with them, thus gaining control of the Dark Hunter army. Teridax possesses a Maxilos robot and, following Helryx's orders, travels to the Pit jail. He kills Lesovikk, Sarda and Idris during their fight with Karzahni. Though Karzahni despises Teridax, he allies with him to stop the Mahri and join the Empire's ranks. Axonn returns to Voya Nui to lead the Voyatoran into the Nui Caves. They disappear. TSO orders a siege of Voya Nui, looting the volcano of resources and destroying all known evidence of the beings' existence on the island. Vezon comes across the unconscious Brutaka and awakens him. The two realize the Dark Hunters are attacking the island and decide to escape together. Brutaka creates a dimensional portal and they disappear through it. Axonn enters the Cord, descending to the five Toa Mahri who are preparing to destroy it. Matoro locates and swims toward the Ignika. Helryx appears, knocking Matoro unconscious. She fails to retrieve the Ignika, which falls past the void of Voya Nui into Karda Nui. The Toa Mahri ascend the Cord with the Mahritoran and destroy the Cord. Behind them, Axonn effortlessly knocks out the group, placing them into stasis tubes. He meets up with Helryx, who is lugging along Matoro in a stasis tube, and they teleport back to Daxia Fortress. Mata Nui dies. 2008 The Ignika falls into Karda Nui alone, where it sinks to the bottom of the swamp. Lewa, who is using the Great Sundial to find the Codrex, notices something fall into the water. Levitating it from the Swamp of Mystery, Lewa dons the Ignika to revive Mata Nui and dies, unbeknownst to anyone but the remaining Av-Matoran, who have no way of contacting beings outside of Karda Nui. Mata Nui is revived, but is confined within the Ignika. The mask sinks back into the swamp and lays dormant for nine years. Helryx and Axonn secure the stasis tubes in Daxia Fortress. Helryx rebuilds Teridax's old body and appoints him Assistant to Her Orderly Empress. Axonn is appointed Her Orderly Mercenary, Karzahni is appointed Her Orderly General, and TSO is appointed Her Orderly Stalwart. Helryx calls for a mass meeting in the Coliseum. She announces that Mata Nui has died despite the efforts of the Toa Mahri, but she will be leading in their stead under the Orderly Empire. Suspicious, Taka sneaks to Mangai, where he finds that the Bahrag are still imprisoned, the Great Sundial is gone, and there is no sign of Lewa's body anywhere. He returns to Metru Nui without being noticed. The remaining Toa Nuva are appointed Her Special Guard. Helryx mentions that Lewa failed to obtain the Great Sundial and was murdered alone by the Bahrag. Reunification between the Matoran/Toa/Turaga and the Makuta/Dark Hunters occurs Brutaka and Vezon arrive in the actual BIONICLE storyline, observing what could have happened if everything went as planned. Realizing the horror of Helryx's plan, they try to go back, but teleport into a different dimension… 2009 On Bara Magna, the Skrall attack the Arena Magna during the Great Tournament and destroy it.After several months of fighting, the separated tribes all surrender to the Rock Tribe. The Skrall Empire, led by Tuma, takes control of Bara Magna and dismantles the Glatorian system. [*]Brutaka and Vezon arrive in "The Adventures of Tahu" storyline. They realize how bad the writing and jokes are and get out of there. [*]Taka journeys to Artakha and tells the being about his discovery. Artakha begins to dissent against the Orderly Empire. 2010 BIONICLE ends in the real world. The story of HERO FACTORY is established in the real world, and thus becomes a part of all alternate universes.Von Nebula loses to the Alpha Team, and is jailed inside his Black Hole Staff, spiraling through black holes continuously. [*]Artakha continues to reject the ideals of the Empire. Karzahni quietly lays siege to the island, destroying its Crystal Serpents and imprisoning his brother on his own island. [*]Brutaka and Vezon arrive in "Tahu vs. Tahu," where they see Tahu Stars singing his sword. Scrambling into the basement, they meet the dual Vezon toys for a quick sip of tea before they jump to another dimension. 2011 I join BZPower on March 19th, 2011. BZPower's Forum Construction occurs. The forums return in October 2011. Defeated, Von Nebula continues to spiral through tunnels of his black hole.He finally emerges on the coffee table of the Toa Nuva meeting room in Daxia Fortress. They freak out and alert Helryx. Helryx also freaks out. Teridax rushes in and uses his shadow powers to reanimate the portal and send Von Nebula back through the black hole. [*]Aware that Artakha has been incarcerated for rebelling, Taka goes to the Turaga of Metru Nui. They have also been suspicious of the empire. He tells them to not tell any of the Toa Nuva, but Nokama tells Gali. [*]Brutaka and Vezon arrive in "Choose Your Own BIONICLE Adventure." They choose to hop another dimension. === Wow. I'm sure that provided a ton of backstory. Keep in mind that the remake takes place in 2016-2017, so there's still five years of content I've yet to reveal One more small tidbit: Deleted Scene (Tahu’s Transport, Chapter 5) Moments passed. Moments turned to minutes. Minutes passed to ten-minute increments, because the author just had to draw out the dramatic effect as long as possible. … You can’t disagree. Now, normally this is the part where Helryx has some dramatic monologue about trying to find a little droplet of water to create a geyser out of, which symbolizes how one little slice of hope can achieve success. But since this is the second time we’re retelling this story, we’re going to drag out the dramatic effect of waiting even longer. And even longer than that. You know what I don’t agree with? The fact that we managed to fix so much about what was going wrong with this comedy, yet you got more annoying. Dude. Character development. Dude. Plot > Pointless Little Banter Between The Author And His Annoying Narrator. Keep math out of this. As a droplet of water fell from a broken sewage pipe, the droplet expanded in milliseconds to create a geyser out of. === ​Short, but sweet. I cut that part out because it was too drawn out and too rant-y for my tastes. This would've occurred from when the crowd of Matoran, Toa and Turaga rush into Nuju's Lab to see Helryx seemingly crushed under the pile of debris to when she rises out to give her terrorizing speech and kills Nuju. Good stuff. See you all tomorrow!! Hope you enjoyed this post and if you have any thoughts why not post them below in the comments? ~Meta
  6. Hey guys! http://www.bzpower.com/board/topic/23623-tahus-transport/ http://www.bzpower.com/board/topic/24356-tahus-consequence/ Now is your chance to choose a name for the untitled remake of ​The Adventures of Tahu​! The remake has been running since October 23rd, 2016 and currently features two complete seasons, Season 1: Tahu's Transport and Season 2: Tahu's Consequence (both shown above.) Season 3: The Hero Tahu, is currently in pre-production, with a Season 4 planned. So yes, I'm about halfway through the remake and I don't even have a title for the whole comedy yet. I've been thinking about it for a while, but I prioritized making the comedy over creating a title for it. Now that I am taking a hiatus to get my life in order, perfect THT, and post OKONICLE, I thought it'd be a great time to explore possible names for this remake, among my other promises to release other content from the comedy. So, here are my ideas. If you have any of your own suggestions, feel free to post them in the comments, along with whatever name you may vote for. Thank you so, so much! ​The Adventures of Tahu: Redux The New Adventures of Tahu Tahu's Adventure Tahu's Journey |Tahu| Order and Freedom The Flames of Freedom Sparks of Justice Invented Disaster Tahu's Adventures 2: This Time It's Not Tahu's Adventures 1 ...and your own! If I think of more, I'll add them. Thank you! ~Meta
  7. After seeing a comment on the BZP Facebook page, I got a great idea concerning Vultraz, and couldn't resist writing it up to see where it goes. So, let's give it a shot! ~Intro~ “Six years! I’ve been stuck here for six years! Experimented on by the Great Beings, guarded day and night by the Makuta, and only just escaped a few weeks ago. I’ve been on the run ever since!” Brutaka just nodded, stroking the edge of his mask. This little red Toa (or, what he knew to be a Toa) had come to him, begging for help. The Toa, who called himself Vultraz, insisted that in his universe, beings of his stature were the Matoran, and the larger, stronger figures were Toa. Brutaka was fully aware of what his Kanohi Olmak was capable of, so he reasoned that Vultraz must be telling the truth. They were sitting in a darkened chamber in Brutaka’s home, away from prying eyes and ears. The gold-and-blue titan leaned forward in his chair. “So, you want me to just open up a portal back to your universe and let you escape, when you might very well be a wanted criminal here in ours? Why should I offer you freedom in place of justice?” Vultraz leaped to his feet. “Because I’m not from here! I was taken prisoner and held against my will. It would be an act of injustice to keep me here a second longer.” He stepped up to Brutaka, their masks just inches apart. “So, get me out of here. Now.” Brutaka leaned back again. “What’s in it for me?” The Shadow Matoran had nothing to offer him in exchange for his services, and no way to threaten someone so powerful. “I don’t know.” He sighed. “I’m desperate here.” The titan quickly got to his feet, startling Vultraz and causing him to step backward. “Very well, then. An adventure, it is, then. Let’s be off.” Vultraz couldn’t hide the look of confusion on his face. “What do you mean?” “I’m coming with you,” Brutaka said as he gathered some items from around the room and stuffed them into his pack. “I have been terribly bored and in need of something to do. A little adventure wouldn’t hurt.” Finally, he lifted his double-bladed weapon from where it hung on the wall, dust falling from its surface as he swung it. “Ready?” Wasn’t expecting this, Vultrax thought. He hadn’t planned on having company, but he figured that having Brutaka along couldn’t hurt. He might even prove useful. “Ready as I can be, I suppose.” A portal opened in midair before the unlikely pair. “Good!” Brutaka exclaimed. “Then, off we go!” And he threw Vultraz through the opening, before following, himself, leaving an empty home behind. Comments and criticism appreciated.
  8. "Lewa," said one of the Jungle Tribe Agori as he entered the Toa's small hut. "You haven't come out of there for weeks. What's wrong?" Lewa sighed. "I'm just sad. I finally got to go on a journey-quest of my own, and not only do I end up body-swapped with Tren Krom of all people, then finally get un-swapped, then shoved into vacuum-space, then end up here...but I don't even get a good-proper end-resolution! The story just ended here, and now I'm stuck in this village for all eternity-time. No offense." "It's okay, I understand," said the Agori. "By the way, are you Tarduk-Agori?" "No. We look nothing alike!" Lewa took in all the Jungle Agori walking around, all wearing the exact same mask helmet, with the same tools, and the same color scheme. "You all look the same; I can't tell you different-apart. Sorry." "Racist." "Huh-what?" "You know what, never mind. How about we cheer you up?" "Really? And how will you do-make that?" "I have an idea..." WELCOME TO SAD, SAD LEWA: THE GAME! With the rebooted universe freezing lots of Gen 1 characters' stories to a halt, Lewa's feeling pretty down now that he's stuck in the Jungle Tribe village. The Agori (and other random BIONICLE characters) have started the Bota Magna Comedy Club to cheer him up, and they want your help! The rules are the same as in Sad, Sad Matoro: The game will be separated into rounds, 24 hours each. The rounds each begin and end at 12:00 noon, Central Time (for reference, this was posted at about 5:00 AM Central Time). During this time you may each post one joke, story, pun, etc. At the end of each round, I will post Lewa's reactions to each player and points will be tallied based on how much you made Lewa smile/laugh. In the event that two people post the same thing, Lewa will only react to the first one. Nobody likes to hear the same old joke again, especially our Toa of Air! Smiled barely: 1 point Smiled a little: 2 points Smiled normally: 3 points Smiled a lot: 4 points Smiled hugely: 5 points MADE HIM LAUGH: 10 points (Lewa laughs only once the combined total smiles hit 20, so be strategic!) HINTS: Lewa is a carefree spirit, so he enjoys more physical/slapstick humor or things to do with practical jokes. Don't make it too cliche or random, though; he's fairly smart. Be creative and think about the kind of things that might cheer him up! Jokes that are relevant to himself, his life, or BIONICLE in general will in general get bigger smiles. You have no hard limit as to how long your jokes can be, but anything much longer than a few sentences might just make him bored before he gets to the punchline. (For reference: in the previous game involving Toa Matoro, jokes relating to cold/ice/Ko-Matoran, fish and water (from his time as a Toa Mahri), and clever wordplay got the biggest smiles. Of course, Lewa's not Matoro, so figure out the best ways to make Lewa smile!) RULES #1: No jokes involving excessive violence or anything overly mean-spirited. Lewa may enjoy practical jokes and pranks, but even he doesn't like to take things too far. If you upset him instead of cheering him up, the Agori will kick you out! #2: Only one joke per round. Give everyone a chance! #3: You can post non-game posts, provided they stay reasonably on-topic and are indicated in some way that this isn't your joke post. If at all possible, send any questions about the game to me via PM. #4: All regular BZP rules apply. #5: The winner gets the prize of being the winner, and of knowing that they helped cheer up a very sad Toa of Air! Sign-ups here! 1. 2. ToaTimeLord 3. 4. ToaDraconixMahvi 5. 6. 7. Shadow FF 8. 9. Toa Onaku 10. Toa Smoke Monster I'll PM you before the first round starts, once all slots are filled. Good luck and have fun! Lewa0111 Nuva
  9. Hey there, I'm LQ1998, co-leader of the BCC. We specialize in releasing BIonicle based comedy videos every week. Here's a sample of our work: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qENh9Mj4Nhg&list=UUzByZCNIHBPiYSY8q1-Syew We're still a bit of a beginner channel. But we're learning fast. If you enjoy our content, please stay tuned for more!
  10. "Matoro!" said Turaga Lhikan, wandering about inside the Red Star. "You're looking blue." "I'm always blue. Except where I'm white." "No, I mean you look sad! I know being dead isn't that great, but at least you saved the whole universe! You got an epic, noble sacrifice in your name. I just randomly died because Makuta took my shield. I'd have been a lot more careful with the thing if I'd known it was attached to my life force somehow." Matoro sighed and pointed out the window. The Turaga followed his gaze. "See that?" asked the Toa of Ice. "The powers that be reset our whole universe last year. Now my sacrifice was for nothing. There isn't even a "Matoro Gen 2" to appreciate! I'm nobody now." "..." said Lhikan, though how one actually says '...' I'm not quite sure. "That's too bad. But I think I know a way to cheer you up..." WELCOME TO SAD, SAD, MATORO: THE GAME! Now that his great sacrifice to save the universe has been retconned by the new universe, Matoro's feeling down. It's your job to cheer him up! Lhikan's inviting up to 10 people to the Red Star Comedy Club (which he just made up five seconds ago when he came up with this idea) to help make Matoro laugh. Here's how it works! The game will be separated into rounds, 24 hours each. The rounds each begin and end at 12:00 noon, Central Time (for reference, this was posted at about 1:04 Central Time). During this time you may each post one joke, story, pun, etc. At the end of each round, I will post Matoro's reactions to each player and points will be tallied based on how much you made Matoro smile/laugh. In the event that two people post the same thing, Matoro will only react to the first one. Nobody likes to hear the same old joke again! Smiled barely: 1 point Smiled a little: 2 points Smiled normally: 3 points Smiled a lot: 4 points Smiled hugely: 5 points MADE HIM LAUGH: 10 points (Matoro laughs only once the combined total smiles hit 20, so be strategic!) HINTS: Matoro is a rather intelligent Toa, so he won't laugh at overly cliche jokes or randomness. Be creative and think about the kind of things that might cheer him up! Jokes that are relevant to himself, his life, or BIONICLE in general will in general get bigger smiles. You have no hard limit as to how long your jokes can be, but anything much longer than a few sentences might just make him bored before he gets to the punchline. RULES #1: No jokes involving violence or anything overly mean-spirited. Matoro has a good heart and this will just upset him, causing Lhikan to kick you out. Remember, we're trying to cheer Matoro up, not make him mad! #2: Only one joke per round. Give everyone a chance! #3: You can post non-game posts, provided they stay reasonably on-topic and are indicated in some way that this isn't your joke post. If at all possible, send any questions about the game to me via PM. #4: All regular BZP rules apply. #5: The winner gets the prize of being the winner, and of knowing that they helped cheer up a very sad Toa of Ice! Sign-ups here! 1. ToaTimeLord 2. JIF Shadow Creamy [4 POINTS] 3. Naota Takizawa [14 POINTS] 4. FrozenPancake_ [8 POINTS] 5. evil_jaga_genius [13 POINTS] 6. Toa Smoke Monster [6 POINTS] 7. Shadow FF [5 POINTS] 8. Ghidora131 [4 POINTS] Good luck and have fun! Lewa0111 Nuva
  11. It’s Valentine’s Day, and what better way to celebrate this romantic holiday than with everyone’s favorite not-quite-off-again-on-again-sorta-maybe couple? Oh wait, I know...how about with two of them? The Weirdest Double Date Ever A BIONICLE comedy by Me! Part 5 of the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series 2015-2016 It was another morning in the city of Metru Nui. In her home in Ga-Metru, Toa Nokama was sleeping peacefully when a sudden racket from outside woke her up. Annoyed, she stretched and looked out her window, where she saw a procession of Ta-Matoran walking past. Normally this wouldn’t have been too surprising (except for the fact that Ta-Matoran normally didn’t like water much), but on closer inspection, there was something rather...unusual about these particular Ta-Matoran. The most obvious thing about them was that each and every Matoran in the procession had been dyed a bright pink. This would’ve been bad enough for Nokama (she could hardly stare directly at their armor without hurting her eyes, it was so bright) but they were also banging on drums, shooting heart-shaped arrows randomly in all directions, and chucking heart-shaped cards at every Ga-Matoran they encountered. Nokama shrugged. It was definitely Valentine’s Day, all right. She never used a calendar anymore, as she could always count on Turaga Dume’s outlandish ideas for the holidays to keep her aware of what day it was. She suddenly found herself energized, excited to find out what the day would bring! Valentine’s Day was a day full of love, romance, flowers, and chocolate. (Wait, actually forget the chocolate, because it doesn’t exist in BIONICLE. Duh.) A nice, peaceful, romantic day, that she would enj-- “HEADS UP!!” came a sudden shout. Suddenly Nokama found herself zooming hundreds of mio per hour, high above the city, dangling from the bottom of a shoddily-constructed flying vehicle. “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Oh, hey Nokama. Like my new Jet Soarer? When did you get here, anyway?” Nokama clung to the side of said Jet Soarer (which had been made, as far as she could tell, out of some Axalara parts, two Kanohi Kadin superglued to the wings, several Air Katana duct-taped together, and--) “Are those Tahnok velcroed to the bottom? Why in Mata Nui’s name...never mind. Will you just get me off this thing?” “The heat makes it go faster!” explained Matau with a . “No Krana, obviously. Like it?” “You owe me a new house.” Matau’s eyes widened. “Oh, that was your house...oops. Thought it was Onewa’s.” “Why the Karzahni would he live in Ga-Metru!?!?!?!?!?” (Pohatu attempted to appear to say his usual running joke, but due to being high in the air, took one look outside his time-comedy warp portal and closed it right up again instead). “Dunno. Hey, does this count as a date?” Nokama really, really wished he were in slapping range. “No! Just get me on the ground. RIGHT NOW!” Matau rolled his eyes. “Fine. You’re no fun...” He laughed and pushed the controls forward. “Wait, no, I didn’t mean like--GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Nokama screamed suddenly as Matau brought the Jet Soarer into a near-vertical dive straight into Le-Metru. At the very last second, Matau swerved, missing the Moto-Hub by inches, and twisted the vehicle upside-down as it plowed into the top of a nearby house. Luckily, thanks to that last-minute twist, Nokama ended up safely away from the crash, and clambered down onto the wreckage unharmed. Matau, however, was not so lucky. “Blubbllbulbb...bluuuuuuuuuuuuugh... “ he rambled as he stumbled out of the vehicle and then immediately fainted. “Uh-oh,” Nokama muttered, looking around nervously. “I hope nobody was home.” As if on cue, two Turaga opened the inexplicably still-standing back door and peered out. “Oh, don’t worry. That happens just about every other day when you live in Le-Metru,” explained one of them. “In fact, I’m surprised I haven’t seen Kongu--” A large transport vehicle suddenly catapulted out of the nearby chute, ridden by a laughing Le-Matoran. The vehicle immediately splatted into the ground where the Turagas’ house had been standing. “Oh, never mind, there he is.” “Come to think of it,” said the other Turaga, who Nokama could now see had green armor, “you look awfully familiar. Have we met before?” A trident emerged from behind the door and bonked the green Turaga on the head. “You moron!” said the second Turaga, who now walked out of the door to join them, “she’s me!” “ “ was just about all Nokama could say to that. “Airplanes!” said a very woozy Matau, suddenly standing up. He looked around. “Yeah, I’m tired.” He fainted again. “Wait...was that...?” asked the green Turaga. “Toa Matau,” said Nokama. “Sorry about him.” “WHAT??” “I know. It’s a bit of a shock,” said the blue Turaga. “HE STOLE MY NAME! I’m the only one awesome enough to earn the name ‘Matau!’” The blue Turaga facepalmed. “Matau? He’s you.” “Wait...” stuttered Nokama, realization suddenly dawning. “He’s Matau? As a Turaga? Then who are...you’re me?” “That’s right,” said Turaga Nokama. “Somehow.” Turaga Matau, Toa Nokama, and Turaga Nokama all staired at each other for a long, awkward moment. Then they all got lazy, so they switched to escalatoring at each other instead. Finally, Toa Nokama broke the silence. “Okay, wait, hold on. How can we both be on Metru Nui at the same time, if we’re Toa before we ever awakened the Matoran on Metru Nui but you’re only Turaga after returning to Metru Nui at the end of the 2003 storyline and the Toa Nuva are running around but Dume’s still active and apparently not possessed by Makuta and...where exactly in the storyline does the Lewa0111 comedy universe take place, anyway?” Turaga Matau raised his eyebrows. “Short answer? It doesn’t.” Toa Nokama shrugged. “Eh, fair enough. Uh, sorry again about your house. My house? Our house?” “It’s okay. Like I said, we’ve seen worse.” Toa Nokama glanced at the unconscious Toa Matau lying nearby. “So...what are we going to do about him? We can’t just leave him there.” “Don’t you...me...us...we...whatever, just don’t worry,” said Turaga Nokama. “It’s easy!” With that, she walked up to Toa Matau, placed her hand on his face, then violently yanked it away with a *!palS* Immediately Toa Matau sat up. “What happened? Where am I? Oh, hey old me. Hey, old Nokama.” “ ” emoticonned Toa Nokama. “You’re taking this surprisingly well.” “It’s a Lewa0111 comedy. I’m just shocked it took this long for us to meet.” “I make a good point,” said Turaga Matau. “Hey, young me.” “Remind me to teach you the secret art of the palS sometime,” Turaga Nokama whispered to her Toa counterpart. Then, louder, she asked the group, “So what should we do now?” “I know!” exclaimed Toa Matau. “Let’s race! Matau Vs. Matau: The Ultimate Challenge!” Still woozy from her previous encounter with Matau’s flying antics, Nokama immediately shook her head. “Let’s not.” “Aww, you’re no fun.” “ ” all four suddenly emoticonned. Surprised, they all looked up. A flock of Gukko was passing by, all dressed up as Cupids with bows and arrows glued to their wings. Cameo the Le-Matoran, covered in pink, was riding the lead Gukko, dumping pink paint and heart confetti down onto everyone he passed, causing the victims to resemble “wub” emoticons. The two Turaga looked at each other. “Dume...and here he’s supposed to be the mature one,” Turaga Nokama said. “You’re all Turaga though; shouldn’t you all be mature?” asked Toa Nokama, confused. Her Turaga self just laughed. “Not really. Have you seen Dume’s holidays?” she asked. Toa Nokama shrugged. “Good point. Actually, speaking of Dume, I’d almost forgotten today was Valentine’s Day! Shouldn’t you two be on a date?” “Shouldn’t you two?” Nokama (both of them) sighed. “A fair point,” conceded the Toa of Water. “So far my Valentine’s Day has been...less than romantic.” “What are you talking about? I got you a free ride on my Jet Soarer for the occasion! That’s super romantic, right?” “Definitely!” said Turaga Matau. “See, Nokama? ...Er, my Nokama? I told you that was a perfectly acceptable anniversary gift!” “Matau, yourself does not count as a valid reference.” “Hey!” protested Toa Matau. Toa Nokama shrugged. “She has a point. Where were the flowers? Hearts? Chocolates?” (We already went over this! Chocolate doesn’t exist in BIONICLE!) “Unfortunately, both of our Mataus will need to try a lot harder to make this Valentine’s Day a good one,” said Turaga Nokama. (Completely ignoring me, as usual. In a weird way, I kind of miss the fourth-wall-breaking Earth characters...uhh, don’t tell Onua or Whenua I said that.) “Okay! I have a super romantic idea! Let’s go out on a date!” exclaimed Toa Matau. “Very creative, Matau,” said Nokama sarcastically. “Can you be more specific?” “Hmm...” thought Toa Matau. “Oh, here’s a good one. A double date! Or...single date? Self-date? Not sure what you call it. But we can go out along with our Turaga selves!” Nokama considered this. “That’s actually not a bad idea.” The two Turaga looked at each other. “See? That was a halfway decent Valentine’s Day idea. Why didn’t you ever come up with anything like that?” asked Turaga Nokama. “But I have come up with that!” protested Turaga Matau. “Oh really? When?” “When I was a Toa and this happened, and I said that, just now! ...Then?” “I don’t even...you know what, never mind.” Ignoring this rather odd conversation, Toa Matau asked, “So this is an actual, official date? Awesome! Where should we go?” “I’ve wanted to visit the new Colosseum they just finished building! Can we go there?” “Sure, anything for you! I’m driving,” said Toa Matau. “NO!” both Nokamas shouted simultaneously. “Aww, why not? I’m a great driver!” “Agreed!” said Turaga Matau. Both Nokamas gazed pointedly at the wreckage of the house and Jet Soarer. Some time later, Toa Nokama was (very carefully) flying them all toward the center of the city, where a gleaming new Colosseum had been built to replace the one destroyed in the recent New Year’s debacle. A few Vahki construction crews (and Takanuva) were still finishing up the last touches on the building, but for the most part it was completed. It featured elevators, an observation deck, a much better sound system than before, extensive sky-parking, and even separate stadiums for Akilini, Kohlii, Sohker, Gholph, and numerous other Matoran sports. However, it wasn’t in the same location as the old Colosseum, but rather in a prime location right next to the Nuva Inn, which now had a skybridge connecting the two structures. (Toa Lewa had insisted on the new location, “claiming” that it had nothing to do with wanting more money.) “That looks like a good spot!” said Turaga Nokama, pointing to a sky-parking spot right near the main entrance. Her Toa self steered toward the spot, but as they got there, a small flying spider-shaped vehicle cut in front of them, settling neatly into the spot. “Aww.” “Hey, what’s the big idea?” demanded Matau of the other vehicle. “Nobody makes my girlfriend sad!” Both Nokamas SLAP!ed their respective Mataus. “What did I do?” asked Turaga Matau. “When you were a Toa and this happened. Just now,” Turaga Nokama said, quoting his own words from earlier back at him. “I hate irony.” While this conversation was happening, Matau leaped into the air and flew over to the parking spot. “I’ll have you know that was our spot. We saw it first!” The door of the other vehicle opened to reveal... “Wait, Oohnorak? What are you doing here?” The black-and-orange Visorak stepped out. “It’s Valentine’s Day, obviously.” “Wait a minute, you have a girlfriend? Since when?” A Boggarak stepped out of the other side. “Since forever. This is Katie the Boggarak.” “How did I not know about this?” “What did you think I was doing whenever I wasn’t in entire chapters of Ask Matau!, sitting around? I was usually out with Katie.” “Huh. I just figured Lewa0111 forgot about you.” “Nah. I was busy.” “Oh, okay. But look, can we still have the parking spot?” The Visorak shrugged (no easy feat when you’re a spider). “Well, yeah. We’ll be gone soon. Bye!” As the two Visorak walked into the Colosseum, hand-in-hand (er...”pincer-in-pincer?”), Random Matoran #35 jumped into their vehicle. “One order of valet parking, coming right up!” he said with a , flying the vehicle off. Toa Nokama, seeing this, settled their vehicle onto the spot. “Thanks, Matau! That was sweet of you.” She then tried to kiss him on the cheek, but only succeeded in bonking their masks together and knocking them off. Luckily, their Turaga selves quickly put their masks back on before the Toa could faint. “Okay. That didn’t work.” “We’ve tried that before,” Turaga Nokama commented. “Sure, now you tell me! Whatever, let’s just go inside.” The odd pair of couples walked through the door, as behind them, Random Matoran #35 flew the vehicle away. Once inside, they were greeted with billboards advertising everything from Nidhiki’s Webbing Services to Avohkii Construction, Inc. to the Skydiving Club and beyond. Crowds of various beings milled about, coming and going from the Kohlii game on the ground floor, the Nuva Inn, the restaurants and observatory on the top floor, and the many shops installed along the side. “Wow,” gasped both sets of Nokamas and Mataus in astonishment. “This is definitely an improvement over the old one,” Toa Nokama commented. “I could shop here all day!” “Well, we’re not here to shop,” said Turaga Matau. “It’s Valentine’s Day, can’t you stop thinking about yourself for one minute?” demanded Turaga Nokama. “But I like thinking about myself!” “WE KNOW,” said both Nokamas. Toa Matau just pointed to one of the billboards advertising the top floor. “Actually, I’m right...he’s right...I’m right...WHATEVER. We’re not here to shop because we have a dinner reservation!” “I’m fine with that!” said Toa Nokama. “I just hope it goes better than the last time we went out to a restaurant.” “Don’t worry. I’m not wearing a tie this time!” “That’s a relief,” Turaga Nokama observed. The four of them ascended the elevator to the top floor, where they emerged into the latest addition to the Tava’s Pie House series of restaurants. “Welcome to Tava’s Pie House: Pie-in-the-Sky Edition!” said Random Matoran #35, dressed as a waiter. “Wait a minute, weren’t you the valet driver?” asked Toa Matau, confused. “Yes,” said Random Matoran #35. “And now you’re the waiter?” “Yes.” “But how did you get up here so fast? And change your uniform?” “Yes.” “ ” “Sorry about him,” interjected Turaga Nokama. “Just show us to our seats.” “Okay, right this way.” They passed several tables filled with various couples, including Nidhiki and Lariska (and a very confused Krekka), Everyone and Nobody (strangest couple name ever), Roodaka and Sidorak (who insisted on the royal treatment), Krika and Krahka (prone to mixing up their own names), Hewkii and Macku (who apparently didn’t care that their relationship is non-canon), Oohnorak and Katie (who Matau still couldn’t believe were even dating), and, for some inexplicable reason, Gresh and Kiina. “Are those Bara Magnan Glatorian over there?” whispered Toa Nokama to her Turaga self. “Yes, I believe you’re right.” “Why are they here? Isn’t this comedy before--” “I told you, just accept that no official storyline timeline makes any sense in Lewa0111 comedies, and you’ll feel better,” whispered Toa Matau. Finally, Random Matoran #35 sat them down at their table. “Enjoy!” he said. They looked at their menus. “Wow. I never knew this many types of pies existed!” said Toa Nokama. “There’s a ‘Stuff Matau Likes’ Pie? This place really does have everything,” said Toa Matau with a . “I’ll definitely be having one of those, too,” said Turaga Matau. “This place is the best!” “They even have a ‘Jumble-of-random-foods-typically-found-in-comedies-including-cheese-pickles-cookies-bananas-and-pie-yes-pie-within-pie-don’t-ask’ pie? That is one long name,” commented Turaga Nokama. In no time at all, Random Matoran #35 was back to take their order. Both Mataus ordered...well, you can probably guess; Toa Nokama had a “Seafood Delight Pie,” and Turaga Nokama decided to try the “Observation Platform Pie,” which was a specialty only served in this particular Tava’s Pie House. “So,” said Toa Matau after they’d all placed their orders, “what was everyone’s favorite part of the day? I liked the part where I was awesome. And where I met another me. You’re much nicer than that Toa Matau clone I ran into before. He was a...word we can’t say on BZPower.” “How many of us are there?” asked Turaga Matau. “We should make a Matau band. Or a Matau city! All Mataus, all the time!” “That’s a great idea. Let’s see, there’s us, that clone Matau, the toy version of you from one of Lewa0111’s old cancelled comedies, the Matau from Ask Matau! (or is that me? I’m confused), the official storyline Mataus....” “I just got an idea! Let’s take Bitil’s mask! Then we could have infinite Mataus!” “BEST. IDEA. EVER.” While this conversation was going on, the two Nokamas were exchanging looks of exasperation. “This sounds like a recipe for disaster,” Turaga Nokama commented. “‘Recipe for disaster?’ Did you want our Disaster Pie recipe? We’re selling all of our Pie recipes in the gift shop on our way out!” exclaimed Random Matoran #35, arriving with their orders. “Uhh...maybe. Anyway, thanks for the food.” Suddenly, an explosion erupted from the kitchen, and a geyser of fire launched itself into the air. The entire place caught fire, and screaming Matoran ran everywhere. “Hey, what’s the big idea? I was about to eat!” shouted Turaga Matau. Both Nokamas stood up and started to put out the fire, but two flying transports pulled up outside the windows, discharging a firematoran carrying a long hose, who swiftly put out the fire. A drenched Tahu stumbled out of the former kitchen. “For once it wasn’t my fault!” he was saying. “Nidhiki shouldn’t have ordered the ‘Extra-Gigantic-Mega-Size Fire Pie!’” <TOA TAHU. YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR BURNING STUFF. AGAIN> said a Vorzakh, leading a squad to arrest the aforementioned Toa of Fire. <YOU WILL COME QUIETLY> “That was...uhh...interesting,” commented Toa Nokama. “I just hope we get a refund,” Turaga Matau said. “Our pies are all charred to a crisp!” “REFUND??” shouted a randomly appeared Lewa. “DON’T YOU DARE TAKE MY PRECIOUS MONEY!” As the Vorzakh led Tahu away in the background, Tava said, “Lewa? You don’t even own this restaurant. It’s not actually your money.” “I do now! I’m buying your restaurant.” “It’s not for sale...” Before Lewa could get more upset, Tava grabbed a Widget Pie and pied Lewa in the face with it. “Here, now go back to your Manager’s Suite.” “Yay, a Money Pie!” Lewa then flew off back to the Nuva Inn as randomly as he had come. “Oh, and no refunds.” “...He doesn’t even work here,” said the firematoran, “I don’t know what all the fuss is about. But Charred-to-a-Crisp Pies are actually pretty good. I’ve had them before. They’re surprisingly popular with Ta-Matoran.” “Well, none of us are Ta-Matoran,” observed Toa Nokama. “This date is a disaster,” murmured Toa Matau. The firematoran shrugged. “It could be worse. You could all be on fire right now.” “A fair point,” said Turaga Nokama. As the firematoran got back into his vehicle and flew away, he took off his Mask of Fireproofing to reveal himself to be Random Matoran #35. Toa Matau turned around as soon as the vehicle had left, only to see Random Matoran #35 walking up to their table, ready to receive their check. “Wait but--wha--how--you were the firematoran just now!” “Yes.” Toa Nokama put a hand on his shoulder. “That certainly happened. Let’s just go; we can still see the observation deck!” Toa Matau sighed. “Yeah, good idea. Check please!” After both Mataus had paid for their respective dates, all four found themselves out on the observation deck next to the restaurant. They gazed out upon the beautiful, romantic sight of the city’s lights twinkling against the sunset. They also gazed out upon Ta-Metru exploding from an unsuccessful attempt at baking Valentines’ Day cookies, Le-Metru experiencing a rain of vehicles crashing from running into Cameo’s flocks of pink-paint-and-heart-confetti-dropping Gukko birds, Po-Metru inexplicably causing a giant sinkhole to erupt from a poorly-thought-out quarry (in which Hafu had been carving a giant valentine out of the stone to give to...himself), Onu-Metru dealing with the aforementioned giant sinkhole, Ga-Metru filling with the panicked screams of pink Ta-Matoran falling into one-foot-deep water and thinking they were drowning, and Ko-Metru doing absolutely nothing for the occasion because they were too busy doing scholarly things to bother with the holiday. Okay, maybe ‘beautiful, romantic sight’ wasn’t the best description. “You know,” said Toa Matau, “as random as today was, I look out at this sight and I think something.” “Oh? And what’s that?” asked Nokama, anticipating something heartwarming and romantic. “Random Matoran #35 was right, even if he does keep changing jobs inexplicably. My plan for today was still the best out of everyone else’s!” he said with a , gesturing to the sounds of chaos from the city below. Nokama just facepalmed. On the other side of the platform, the two Turaga watched their Toa selves. “I miss those days,” Turaga Nokama said wistfully. “I liked being a Toa.” “Being a Toa-Hero was fun. It’s nice seeing them. Us. Ourselves. Themselves. Whatever.” “Today was fun, though. Even if I never got to find out what an Observation Platform Pie tastes like.” “You know what I think, though?” asked Turaga Matau. “That you’re the greatest Toa-Hero ever?” “No...well okay, yes, but I meant besides that. Being a Turaga isn’t all that bad. Toa Me hasn’t had nearly as much time spent with you, after all. And those are some great memories to have.” “...And who couldn’t be happy with today? Spending it with such a hottie-hot-hottie like you is--” Toa Matau was saying, which was predictably met with a *SLAP!* Seeing this, Turaga Nokama raised an eyebrow (despite wearing her mask). “Well, okay, they weren’t all great memories,” Turaga Matau admitted. “But I still wouldn’t trade them for the world. That Toa of Air still has a lot of fun times ahead. And I should know! I’m literally him!” “That was...surprisingly sweet,” Turaga Nokama said. They started to kiss-- “Ha, ha!” yelled Cameo, zooming overhead with his bucket and upending it over all of them, then throwing a smartphone and two Xbox Ones at the almost-kissing Turaga for good measure before flying away. Both Mataus and Nokamas looked at each other. “Some things never change,” Toa Nokama said as a squad of Vahki zoomed past, followed by a policematoran riding a Gukko, all chasing the prankster. “Except for him, apparently,” Toa Matau pointed out. Sure enough, the policematoran was Random Matoran #35. Just then, the doors swung open, and Toa Tava came racing out onto the platform, carrying four pies in his hands. “Wait! You forgot your free desserts! I made special-edition Valentines’ Day Pies for you all!” “Oh, wow, thank you--” Toa Nokama started to say, but was interrupted when Tava, as per usual, pied them all in the face. (Apparently this is the only way he knows how to serve pies). Unfortunately, they were all still standing right next to the railing when he did so, which sent all four of them toppling over the edge. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!” THE END Random Matoran #35 the Word Counter: This comedy has 3,953 words. Toa Matau: Wait, you mean he’s the word counter too? Random Matoran #35 the Word Counter: Yes. ~Happy Valentine’s Day from Lewa# Studios! Halloween Special 2015 Thanksgiving Special 2015 Christmas Special 2015 New Year’s Special 2015 Lewa0111 Nuva
  12. Happy Naming Day, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, happy regular do-nothing day in case you don’t celebrate, happy whatever I might have missed. Kwanzaa? Anyway, enjoy the latest entry in the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series! Christmas 2001 Christmas 2014 Toa Santa’s Recruiting Adventure A BIONICLE comedy by Me! Part 3 of the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series 2015-2016 After many arduous journeys, the Toa Nuva had arrived on the island of Mata Nui once more, following the directions in the instruction booklet from the Great Temple. None of them were quite sure why they were on Mata Nui, but they figured it had to be important or it wouldn’t have been written in the booklet. “What does it say, Tahu?” asked Lewa impatiently. “‘Awakening Mata Nui for Dummies,’” Tahu read aloud. Gali facepalmed. “We know what the book is called, Yahu. He meant what does it say inside the book?” “Fine, whatever, Google,” said Tahu, intentionally mispronouncing her name. “No, her name’s Gali,” said Pohatu. Completely missing the point as usual. “Nobody asked your opinion, Bing,” Tahu shot back. “AND I AM NOT YAHOO!” “Wait, what?” Onua stormed into the center of the arguing Toa and snatched the book from Tahu’s hands. While the others (except Gali) shielded themselves from the storm that was now pouring rain on their heads, he opened the book and read the directions. “‘Step 1: Signal the Bohrok.’ Wait, what!?!?!?” “By the way, my name’s NOT BING!” shouted a rather confused Pohatu. “Uh, guys?” asked Onua. “Did anyone actually hear what I just said? ...Lewa? ...Kopaka?” Unfortunately, however, when he glanced over at said Toa, they had already joined in the pointless search-engine-name-calling argument. “‘Ask Jeeves??’ Are you trying to offend-insult me? And you, About.com, you’re just sitting over there silent-quiet as usual…” “What. Did. You. Call. ME!?” demanded Kopaka. Onua sighed and sat down on a nearby log. This would take a while. Some time afterward, on the island of Hara-Nui where Toa Santa’s workshop was located, there was a bustle of activity all of a sudden. The red-armored Toa glanced up from his desk and looked out the window to see all of his Bohrok helpers suddenly start dashing through the snow toward Metru Nui. “That’s not right...where are you all going?” he asked nobody in particular. Nobody In Particular, a Po-Matoran, popped his head out of the snow nearby. “Hey, somebody call my name? Where am I and how did I get here, anyway?” “No, I didn’t call your name, sorry Nobody,” said Toa Santa as he continued walking. “Nobody’s my cousin. I’m Nobody In Particular.” “You know what? I’m not doing this right now.” Leaving the oddly-named Po-Matoran behind, Toa Santa started running faster when he saw the last of the Bohrok stragglers leaving the scalpy island. “Wait! Stop! COME BACK!” Kohrak-Kal, who was the very last Bohrok in the crowd, turned to look at him for a second. “The signal is active. We must clean it all.” Then, with a burst of sonics, the Bohrok-Kal zoomed ahead to catch up with the others on their mysterious mission. “Oh, for the love of Artakha...you have to leave now? A week before Naming Day? WHY ME!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?” Thanks to the power of time-comedy warp portals and running jokes, a portal now materialized out of nowhere and Pohatu Nuva jumped through. “By the way, I love exclamation points and--” He was interrupted by Lewa, leaping through the portal after the Toa of Stone and grabbing him by the ankle. “Don’t run-escape me now, Bing, we haven’t finished-completed this argument yet!” “Guys, guys, can we please just--has nobody noticed the portal we jumped through?” asked an exasperated Onua, tugging on Lewa’s arm in a vain attempt to pull him back through. Behind him, Tahu grabbed Onua around the shoulders, ranting about “Yahoo” and trying to get around Onua to attack either Lewa or Pohatu. “Release-unhand me, you nearsighted little--!” Lewa was abruptly cut off as Pohatu activated his Mask of Speed and rocketed forward, taking the rest of the Toa Nuva along with him through the portal. As one, they all landed in an undignified pile of Toa in the snow. “Hey, you crushed my painstakingly built “undignified pile of Toa in the snow!” I worked all year on that sculpture!” protested Toa Santa, who had been off to the side watching all of this happen. “Uhh...okay...where are we? Who are you?” asked Tahu, looking up at Toa Santa. “Hey, wait, you have white armor...YOU STOLE KOPAKA’S ARMOR! HOW DARE YOU!!” He started to get up to attack Toa Santa, but as his foot was caught underneath Kopaka, only succeeded in tripping and falling face-first on the ground. Pohatu glanced up from his position at the bottom of the pile. “Tahu, he didn’t steal Kopaka’s armor! Don’t you realize who this is?” The rest of the Toa stared at Pohatu, shocked by this sudden uncharacteristic display of intelligence. Then the Toa of Stone continued, “...He’s obviously his biggest fan, judging by the perfect Kopaka Nuva costume he came up with!” Had they not been in a pile on the ground, the others would all have facepalmed at that moment. “You know, I’ve gotten many reactions to people seeing me, but ‘Kopaka Costume’ is a new one…” muttered Toa Santa. “Here, let me help you up.” He then pulled a spare Great Matatu out of his Toa-Pocket and levitated all of the Toa Nuva around until everyone was standing up and un-tangled. “That’s better!” All the assembled Toa stood around in awkward silence for several moments. Finally, Gali shrugged. “So is anyone going to say it?” “No,” said Kopaka coldly. “Fine, then I will. Toa Santa! Hi! What are you doing here?” The Toa of Naming Day glanced up at the spot where the portal had previously been, then down at the Toa, then back to where the portal was, then back to the Toa. “I should really be asking you that,” he observed. “You’re the ones who just fell out of a portal that appeared out of nowhere. This is my home, Hara-Nui.” “Yeah, sorry about that. Definitely his blame-fault,” said Lewa, pointing to Pohatu. “Running jokes. You know how that goes.” “Well, maybe if you weren’t all in a stupid argument about search-engine-related nicknames, we wouldn’t have all piled in after him,” Onua observed. “But enough of this. Toa Santa, can you help us get home?” “Why do I always seem to be giving you Toa lifts everywhere?” asked Toa Santa, remembering the events of the previous New Year’s/Belated Naming Day celebration. “Though actually, don’t worry about it. I’d be more than happy to give you a ride, provided you help me out. It’s almost Naming Day and...well….” The Toa of Naming Day gestured around him, to the conspicuously empty island they were currently standing on. “My Bohrok assistants have all fled the island, and I’m without my usual assortment of help to deliver presents this year! I was hoping you could help me.” Immediately, Lewa jumped up and down excitedly. “Yes-sure! I’d definitely like to help wrap gifts!” “And no, you can’t write ‘To: Lewa’ on every single present. That’s definitely going to put you on the Naughty List,” muttered Gali behind him. With a , Lewa calmed down. Toa Santa just laughed. “You’re not wrapping the gifts, anyway. I need you to help me recruit more helpers! Even with all six of you, I wouldn’t be able to do the work of an army of Bohrok! ...Speaking of which, who made them leave in the first place anyway?” “Definitely Pohatu-Toa,” said Lewa, pointing to Pohatu once again. Pohatu just sighed and sat down. “It’s always me, isn’t it?” Water. Why is it always water? I hate water, Lewa grumbled to himself as he waded through the canals of Ga-Metru to try and recruit the students to help Toa Santa. Seriously, does no one ever think maybe Gali would be the obvious choice? And why don’t they make bridges here, anyway? “Bridges would be a waste of time that could be spent more efficiently with learning,” said a random Ga-Matoran walking by. “Toa Gali would seem an obvious choice for Ga-Metru recruiting, but she was sent to negotiate with the Skakdi, for whom her diplomacy skills would prove much more useful. And it isn’t ‘always’ water; in fact, I can already locate a number of adventures you have been on that did not involve water at all. For example--” “Okay, will you just shut up?” asked Lewa finally, interrupting the Ga-Matoran. “What are you, a spy or something? How do you know so much about me?” The Ga-Matoran just shrugged and pointed to her mask, which Lewa now belatedly noticed was a Noble Suletu. “Or I just have a Mask of Telepathy,” she observed. “By the way, my name is Riia. So you’re trying to get to the assembly building? Most of us are already there to hear what you have to say about helping Toa Santa in this time of holiday emergency.” “Look, will you stop that?” “Stop what? Oh, you mean this, where I use my mask to read your thoughts without asking and respond in kind as if I--” Riia trailed off immediately as she realized what she was saying. “Sorry. Shutting up now. Let’s just go to the assembly building.” As they walked, Lewa muttered, “At this rate, might as well have you make the speech.” “Hello? Hello? Anybody home?” asked Tahu as he pounded on the door to Artakha’s palace. “We need your help!” As he intensified his pounding, the door suddenly slid open, leading Tahu’s momentum to send him flying face-first into the floor of the palace entry hall. He struggled to his feet to see himself surrounded by about ten random Matoran of various flavors. (The types of Matoran included Pi-Matoran, Pizza-Matoran, and Cake-Matoran, among others). “ ” the Matoran emoticonned in unison. Tahu struggled to his feet. “Okay, okay, ha-ha, will you stop laughing already? I’m here on a very important mission!” “Okay, sorry, we’re done now,” said their leader, Random Matoran #35. “Wait, hold on...HAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! Okay, now we’re done for real.” “ ” was all Tahu had to say in response to that. After all the Matoran had found places to sit, Random Matoran #35 asked, “So what is this ‘very important mission’ anyway? Is this to do with awakening Mata Nui? Because you’re more than welcome to take the Staff whenever you want. Artakha told us you’d probably need it.” “Wait, what? No. I mean, we’ll need it eventually, but not right now--this is much more important! Toa Santa’s lost all of his Bohrok and he needs some help, otherwise no one will get any presents on Naming Day!” Everyone was silent for several moments. (So was the Po-Matoran named Everyone, but he wasn’t on Artakha so that’s irrelevant). “You’re serious,” said one Matoran finally (a yellow-and-brown-armored Pi-Matoran), stepping forward. “This is the most important task we have ever been entrusted with. We’ll help you.” “Really?” asked Tahu, taken aback by how quickly the Matoran had agreed. “Uhh...don’t you need to let Artakha know you’ll be gone or something?” “Nah. He’ll be fine without us. Let’s go save Naming Day!” “ME KILL TOA!” chanted the Skakdi as Gali approached their fortress. “ME KILL TOA! ME KILL TOA! ME KILL TOA!” “Yes, I think I got the message by now,” Gali said, summoning a pillar of water with which to pound on the massive doors of the fortress. “NEKTANN! I NEED TO SPEAK WITH YOU!” “ME KILL TOA!” chanted the Skakdi. “Oh, shut up.” After several long moments of waiting around (and occasionally dousing any Skakdi who tried anything more threatening than chanting), the doors swung open, and a giant robot stepped out. <I AM NEKTANN V.9.0. WHAT DO YOU WANT.> “ME KILL TOA!” Before Gali could say anything else, the robot peered down at her. <COMMAND RECOGNIZED: “KILL TOA.” INITIATING COMMAND.> “No, not them, you’re supposed to be listening to me and--YAAAAAH!” The Nektann-bot started firing Cordak blasters at her position, forcing her to summon a jet of water to launch herself into the air. “Why is Nektann a robot, anyway???” <QUERY RECOGNIZED: “WHY IS NEKTANN A ROBOT.” ANSWERING QUERY: THE SKAKDI NEKTANN CREATED A ROBOT CLONE TO DO ALL OF THE BORING PARTS OF BEING A LEADER WHILE HE WENT OUT AND KILLED THINGS. UNFORTUNATELY FOR HIM IT LIKED TO KILL THINGS TOO. SO IT KILLED HIM AND TOOK ITS PLACE. THIS WAS NEKTANN V.1.0., WHO SUBSEQUENTLY CREATED ITS OWN ROBOT CLONE TO DO ALL OF THE BORING PARTS OF BEING A LEADER, BUT WAS THEN KILLED BY THIS NEKTANN V.2.0. I AM THE NINTH IN A LINE OF SIMILAR SITUATIONS. ANSWER CONCLUDED.> While it was saying all of this exposition, it was continuing attempting to kill Gali, who slowly but surely lead it backward toward the shoreline, all while dodging the attacks. Around her, Skakdi were cheering for the robot. Gali had no time to wonder about the absurdity of Nektann being replaced by an evil robot clone, which was then replaced by another evil robot clone (and nine times, at that!), but her plan was almost ready. Behind her, she spotted an Epic Battle Cliff overlooking the ocean and continued backing onto the cliff. “Hey, robot! Can you swim?” she crowed. <ERROR. CROWS DETECTED. THIS DEFIES LOGIC. QUERY DETECTED: “CAN YOU SWIM.” ANSWERING QUERY: NO, THIS UNIT IS NOT DESIGNED FOR IMMERSION IN LIQUIFIED PROTODERM--ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZKKKKKKKKKKKKRRRRRRRRKKKKKKKKKK!> That last part was a result of Gali somersaulting over the robot’s head, then using a water-powered kick to send it tottering over the edge of the cliff into the water below, where it was quickly electrocuted. All the Skakdi around her stopped cheering. With a collective groan of “Awwwwww…” they all started punching each other for no apparent reason. Gali wiped her brow and prepared to head back to Hara-Nui with news of her failure to recruit the Skakdi, when she heard a stomping noise from the direction of Nektann’s fortress. Unwilling to believe her eyes, she looked at the form now emerging from said fortress. <I AM NEKTANN V.10.0. I THANK YOU FOR ELIMINATING MY CREATOR, AS I WAS ALREADY PREPARING TO DO SO MYSELF. COMMAND DETECTED: “KILL TOA.”> “You’ve got to be kidding me…” “Why I got paired up with you, I’ll never understand,” grumbled Kopaka as he and Takanuva trudged through the deserts of Stelt to recruit a colony of Krekkas that were in residence there. “You weren’t even on Hara-Nui with the rest of us.” “Oh, come on, Kopaka, do you really have to be so...cold? Ha ha, see what I did there?” Kopaka just groaned. “It’ll be an adventure!” “Here, take this,” said Kopaka, throwing the transparent Kanohi Avohkii that Takanuva had received the previous Naming Day at the Toa of Light’s face. When it hit, the mask latched on and transformed Takanuva back into Takua. “That’s better.” “ “ emoticonned Takua. “I liked being a Toa! What did you do that for?” “Because you’re being annoying.” Takua just yanked the mask off, turning back into Takanuva. “No.” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” Before either Toa could continue their argument, two large black-armored Krekkas blocked their way, barring the entrance to the Krekka village that they’d been too distracted by arguing to notice. “Stop! To pass this way you must get our exam correct. If you miss a question, we kill you.” “Uhh...Takanuva, go ahead.” “Why me?” “Because I left my...umm...ice skates...in the...microwave.” “Fine...okay, what’s the first question?” asked the Toa of Light. The Krekka who had spoken before held up a piece of paper, which he was apparently struggling to read. “Wait. This says...uhh…’What is...2...plus...2?’” “That’s it? That’s easy! 4!” “ “ emoticonned both Krekkas. “YOU PASSED!?” Luckily, as the portal generator was still broken from before, Pohatu didn’t appear. “Are you kidding me? That was it?” “You’re the smartest Toa ever! Welcome to the village.” Takanuva and Kopaka just looked at each other and shrugged, then proceeded through the gates. Ahead of them, a bunch of Krekkas were punching each other under the watchful eye of, to both Toa’s surprise, the original Krekka. “Krekka?” asked Takanuva. “What are you doing here?” All of the Krekkas looked up at this. “We live here,” they all said at once. “Not you Krekkas, the Krekka,” Kopaka clarified. “Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhh… “ said all of the Krekkas, including Krekka. “Waste of time. Let’s go,” said Kopaka, turning back toward the gate. “Nah, I like living here! Everyone thinks I’m a genius!” said Takanuva excitedly. “Besides, we need helpers for Toa Santa!” “Only Krekkas are dumb enough to think that. Just ask them to help and let’s go.” Takanuva huffed. “Fine. Krekkas, Toa Santa needs help. Want to help make presents?” “Duuuuuuuuuuuuuhh...what’s a ‘present?’” asked Krekka. A random Krekka looked up from where he was reading a book upside-down. “Uhhhhh...I think it’s when you go ‘here!’ at school?” Takanuva facepalmed. “Wrong ‘present.’ Look, don’t you like Naming Day?” “What’s a ‘naming?’” “What’s a ‘day?’” With a sigh, Takanuva turned back to Kopaka. “Okay, fine, you win. Let’s just go back to Hara-Nui ourselves. This is getting us nowhere.” “You finally agreed with me? Yes!” exclaimed the Toa of Ice. “!!HHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” “ “ “Matoran of the Northern Continent! Toa Santa needs your help to save Naming Day!” announced Onua to a massive crowd of Matoran that had assembled to hear his message. “Without his Bohrok, he cannot make presents in time to deliver them this Naming Day, and he needs whoever is willing to help him with this task!” “How are we supposed to get there? Fly?” asked a Le-Matoran. “I hate heights! I think we should tunnel there,” countered an Onu-Matoran. “Let’s just take a train,” suggested a Fe-Matoran. The other Matoran all just stared. “What’s a ‘train?’” asked one of them. “...Not sure,” admitted the Fe-Matoran, “but I think they’re made of metal, so I like them.” “You’re all stupid. We should take a boat!” A Ga-Matoran, naturally. “SHUT UP! All of those ideas are stupid. We obviously need to lava-surf our way to Hara-Nui!” Onua was surprised to see this last suggestion coming not from a Ta-Matoran, but a Ko-Matoran of all things. “And then we should light Hara-Nui on fire!” “I really wish I had a Kanohi Mehgafonn right now,” muttered Onua, referring to the Mask of Loud Voices. “Too bad Dume took the last one the other day...LOOK, I DON’T CARE HOW YOU ALL GET TO HARA-NUI!” he shouted, quickly losing his patience with the arguing Matoran. “JUST DO IT, OKAY?” That got all the Matoran to shut up very fast, staring at him with fear in their eyes. Immediately Onua felt bad for yelling. “Uhh...sorry, everyone, I didn’t think I was that loud…” “HE’S GONNA EAT US! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!” yelled a random Matoran as the crowd began to scream and run in various directions. “ “ emoticonned Onua. “I don’t eat Matoran…” Then he heard the sound of something breathing down his neck, and slowly turned to realize that it wasn’t him the Matoran were so terrified of. “I don’t suppose you’re a nice fifty-foot monster…?” Several hours later, Toa Santa was sitting in his workshop staring at the horizon, hoping the Toa Nuva and/or the Bohrok would return. While he’d seen no Bohrok yet, however, he did spy a large fleet of boats appearing on the horizon, which quickly docked to unload what appeared to be half the population of Metru Nui onto the shores of the island. “We’re ready to help, Toa Santa!” said Riia enthusiastically. “Everyone, let’s dock those boats so we can start working!” “Will you stop singling me out, Riia?” asked the Po-Matoran named Everyone. “Okay, fine. Nobody, Some Guy, Himself, That Dude, Somebody, and Random Matoran #35, help him out too. The rest of you, go to Toa Santa’s workshop and start making presents!” As the Matoran all filed past him (except the group of Po-Matoran helping Everyone with the boats), Toa Santa stopped Riia when he noticed something missing. “Riia, what happened to Toa Lewa? Wasn’t he the one who went to Metru Nui to recruit you all?” “Oh. Right. He’s in the boat, over there.” Curious, Toa Santa walked toward the aforementioned boat, only to spot a disoriented and very green-looking Lewa staggering onto dry land. “ “ the Toa of Air said, collapsing onto the beach. “I hate water. It’s so...wet.” “Yes, water tends to do that,” Onua commented sarcastically, riding up onto the island from the back of a Tahtorak leading a whole pack of the creatures, bringing a large group of Northern Continent Matoran with him on the creatures’ backs. “You need to find yourself a Tahtorak. They’re amazing, at least once you get past the whole trying-to-kill-and-eat-you-thing; I’m lucky I still had this Komau from our 2001 days.” Then he paused for a moment while the Matoran dismounted to join the Metru Nui group. “Wait a second, did you honestly just describe Toa Lewa as ‘green-looking?’ He’s ALWAYS green!” (Here I thought we could get through an entire comedy without you breaking the fourth wall, Onua. Naming Day spirit is lost on you, huh?) “Hey, it’s an honest criticism. That’s lazy writing if you ask me!” (You know full well I meant ‘greener than usual,’ because he’s seasick. That should have been obvious!) “Well, it wasn’t obvious.” “Will you two halt-stop this? It’s making me sicker…” groaned Lewa from the ground. (Onua started it!) Fortunately, the fourth-wall-breaking-argument was stopped by the arrival of an empty-handed Takua and Kopaka, stepping off of a large boat-shaped glacier. “Sorry, the Krekkas were too dumb to understand what was going on. We tried our best,” said the Toa of Ice. “Kopaka?” asked Toa Santa. “Why is Takanuva a Matoran?” “He was annoying me. I taped that clear Avohkii to his face.” “Well, that’s not very Naming Day Spirit-y of you.” With a swipe of his Naming Day Tree shaped Toa tool, Toa Santa used an elemental blast of Santa hats to knock the mask off Takua’s face, turning him back into Takanuva. “Thanks, Toa Santa!” “Unfair,” complained Kopaka. Onua stood up all at once, gazing at something in the distance that only he, with his added altitude from the Tahtorak perch, could see. “Hey, look! Is that Tahu?” Several moments later, the Toa of Fire could be seen by all, drifting through the air on a large flying contraption, with a bunch of food-element Matoran duct taped to the sides. “Hi, like my new ‘hot air balloon?’ The Matoran at Artakha made it for me, and best of all, it’s powered by fire! Watch!” He lifted his sword and sent a massive blast of flame into the air, which sent the balloon rocketing so quickly that it smashed into the dome’s ceiling. “Oops...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!” “Hey, that’s my line!” complained Kopaka. “Lewa, do something!” Noticing that Lewa was still too seasick to be of any use, Toa Santa sprung into action, using his elemental powers to grow a several-hundred-foot-tall Naming Day Tree beneath where the hot air balloon had crashed, catching Tahu and all the Matoran safely in its branches. “Not to worry, I’ve caught you. We’ll have no gruesome deaths on Naming Day.” “Do you have a kitchen? We’ll be happy to bake all the food-related presents you need,” said a Pizza-Matoran, climbing down from the tree. At a nod from Toa Santa, he and the other food-Matoran all dashed excitedly toward the kitchens. The Toa of Naming Day then looked back toward his workshop, where all the Matoran (and a few of Onua’s Tahtorak, inexplicably) were hard at work making Naming Day presents. “Well, it looks like the recruitment went even better than expected,” he observed. “We didn’t even need the Krekkas, or the Skakdi, or the...wait, what’s that?” A geyser erupted from the ocean just offshore, followed by a Toa of Water soaring through the air to land gracefully in the shallows. “Hi, everyone...no luck with the Skakdi, I’m sorry to report.” “That’s okay, we have more than enough Matoran and Tahtorak helping anyway. What happened?” asked Onua. “Tahtorak? How--you know what, never mind. Long story short, Nektann’s been replaced by a long line of evil robot clones of himself, and I barely escaped with my life.” “Oh, good, I was afraid I’d be the only one with bad luck recruiting,” said Kopaka dryly. “Speaking of bad luck, where’s Pohatu?” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” yelled a brown blur that suddenly zoomed past them and across to the other side of the island, then beyond. “DIE, TOA!” yelled a stampede of Zyglak that followed said brown blur past them and across to the other side of the island, then beyond. “Something tells me there’s your answer,” Takanuva pointed out. “Whose idea was it to send him to recruit Zyglak, of all things?” asked Gali, glaring pointedly at Lewa. The Toa of Air suddenly became extremely seasick again and did not respond to Gali’s question. At long last, the gifts had been completed and Toa Santa’s Axalarahad been loaded. Luckily, the Kikanalo had not vanished with the Bohrok, so he had no problems with take-off. “On Olmak, on Kaukau, on Elda, on Zatth! On Shelek, on Huna, on Sanok, on Crast! And Vahi!” called Toa Santa, as the previously-named flying Kikanalo all took off into the Hara-Nui sky to deliver their presents. The six Toa Nuva (plus Takanuva) were taking the place of the Bohrok-Kal, helping to steer the vehicle and deliver gifts. “First stop, Mata Nui!” “Uhh...not to rude-interrupt, but don’t you intend-mean ‘Metru Nui?’” asked Lewa. “We’re obviously the most important city-place in the universe.” “Ho, ho, ho, no!” “Ho, ho, ho, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!” “Okay, that wasn’t even me this time,” muttered Takanuva. “Anyway, to answer your question, Lewa,” continued the Toa of Naming Day, “I always visit the island of Mata Nui first. Now that everyone’s down below in the city, I usually don’t have much to deliver, but it’s still a nice habit.” Lewa just scowled. “Well that’s quick-dumb. Let’s just get this over-done with.” Entering the tunnels leading to the surface, the Kikanalo tugged on their reins and the Axalara accelerated. (See what I did there?) “A stupid pun, stop acting so smug,” said Onua. (Oh, shut up.) After a brief journey through the tunnels, they emerged into the open Mata Nui sky, looking over an island that was distinctly more barren than they had left it. “What the...what happened?” asked Gali, gazing at the desolation. “They happened,” said Kopaka, pointing at the swarms of Bohrok overrunning the island. “Oh. So that’s where they all went off to,” said Toa Santa. “That’s odd.” “Even odder--they’re leaving,” observed Gali. The others followed her gaze and saw that, indeed, all the Bohrok were retreating back into their nests. “What’s going on?” “I don’t know, but I’d very much like some answers,” said Toa Santa. “That’s important work they’re not doing!” As they soared over Mata Nui, two craters suddenly opened up beneath them, somewhere in the vicinity of the island’s northern end. Then another crater opened near the south, and said crater, surprisingly, spoke. “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN...FIVE MORE MINUTES, MOMMY,” boomed the crater. None of the Toa quite knew how to react to this, so they mostly settled for staring, wide-eyed, at the craters, which had now closed once again. “That was weird,” said Lewa finally, after an extended awkward silence. “Understatement of the millennium, right there.” They all just sat in silence for several more moments, until finally Pohatu spoke up. “Of course! That’s the Great Spirit Mata Nui. We literally live inside him, and this island is actually his face, as he fell asleep face-up in the oceans of this planet. Normally he travels through space performing some undisclosed task from the Great Beings, and we’re all the machinery inside that keeps him running!” said the Toa of Stone. “That...has got to be the single stupidest thing that has ever come out of your mouth,” said Tahu. “
  13. Yeah, so, I wrote this for Sergei Rahkmaninoff for the Secret Santa thing. I couldn't think of a title, hence whatever that is up there ^. Also, obviously, Sergei Rachmaninoff never composed a fourth symphony (OR DID HE). Just seemed a handy name to give his fictional piece. Sergei Rachmaninoff logged into his LEGO account and found his way to the Kanoka Club page. He glanced down at the little paper thing that came with his Toa Nokama set and typed in the string of letters and numbers upon it: 34NOK09U. Once entered, he looked scrolled through the list of purchasable items until he found what he had been saving up for months to get, Rahkshi Rock. He had heard so much about Vorahk's performance and just had to see it for himself. He confirmed that he wanted to buy it and readied himself for the musical masterpiece. He was stunned. He had never seen or heard anything so beautiful and reaching such a level of perfection in his life. He was humbled by it as well. He knew he would never be able to reach such magnificence in his pieces, but it also gave him a drive to get as good as he could; he may never be able to reach Rahkshi Rock's flowing melody, but he would try. It inspired him. Filled with a sudden passion, he began composing. He worked all through the night and into the next day before he rested, and that was only for a few hours before he began working again. After days of work, he looked at his completed Symphony No. 4. He felt relieved, in a way, as though the piece had been weighing upon his subconscious for some time now and had only just been removed. He reviewed it, finding it to be quite to his liking, and called the conductor for a nearby large orchestra. He told him of his new piece and asked if the conductor would be interested in having a performance of it soon. The conductor was greatly interested in it, and said he could have his orchestra ready to play it within the month, and that he'd drive by the following morning to pick up a copy of the sheet music. Contented with this prospect and with the melody of Rahkshi Rock still floating through his mind, Sergei fell asleep. The next morning the conductor took a copy of the composition which Sergei had made shortly beforehand. In the weeks before the performance, Sergei relaxed, reading books, listening to records of music, and above all, watching Rahkshi Rock. It haunted him; how could a mortal create such an infinitely powerful work of art? At the performance, Sergei sat in his private canopy booth, specifically chosen for the best sonic quality. He closed his eyes and swayed his hands to the rhythm. At one point, later in the piece, he looked down at the audience below. He smiled as he saw their enjoyment of the music. Then he spotted him. Vorahk, Sergei's idol, sitting in the audience and listening to his music. He couldn't believe it. Despite adoring listening to the first performance of his new piece, he could scarcely contain himself until the end. He must see Vorahk, even if just for a moment. To speak to him... It would be an honor beyond all he had yet received in his life. As soon as the piece neared its end - handy knowing precisely when it would end, Sergei thought - he left his booth and made his way into the main entry hall. He scanned for the easily noticeable form of Vorahk until he found him. He made his way towards the Rahkshi, growing more nervous with every step, and shook Vorahk's hand. "Hello, sir, my name is Sergei." "Sergei?" the Rahkshi responded, "As in, the composer of this fine work?" "You exaggerate it, my friend. Only one of my humble works. I am a fan of your own," he said. "Ah, why thank you! It's an honor to hear praise from as esteemed a virtuoso as yourself." "Why thank you. You enjoyed it, I hope?" "Absolutely. Without a doubt my favorite yet. Though I must say that The Isle of the Dead has dealt me a good deal of inspiration through the years." "Thank you again. Actually, I became inspired to write this piece right after having listened to Rahkshi Rock. It was fantastic." "Really? Well, that's great to hear." The conversation continued for some time. Rachmaninoff was thrilled to be speaking to such a level with him, and after a few minutes decided to ask a question that had been steadily growing in his mind whilst they talked. "I... Well, it may be a silly thing to ask, as I know how busy you must be, but have you ever thought of working on music... with someone before?" Vorahk cocked his head, seeming to understand what Sergei was getting to. "A bit, yes. You?" "Well, not much before tonight. But in talking to you, I have come to the conclusion that we may... Erm, what I'm saying is, would you like to compose a piece of music together?" The Rahkshi grinned. "Certainly. In fact, I've been getting similar thoughts tonight as well. Perhaps we could meet up somewhere tomorrow and begin work?" "Sounds perfect. My house is nearby to this theatre. You could come over in the morning and we could discuss ideas." Vorahk nodded. The two artists shook hands and parted ways. Rachmaninoff had completely forgotten about the performance of his piece. He didn't particularly care. He had bigger and better things to do than think about that. He tossed and turned through the night, hardly getting any sleep due to excitement for the coming day. The next morning came and Rachmaninoff stepped into it eager with expectations of what they could accomplish together. Vorahk arrived and they began work. Complex symphonies with a larger array of instruments than typical, quartets of electric guitars, drum sets, and perfectly crafted harmonies. It was pefect; all Sergei had dreamed about had come true.
  14. Well, it's that time of year, the holiday season, and what better way to celebrate than with a Holiday Special from Lewa# Studios? This time around, since my normal font color is green, I think I'll be using red this time! Here we go! The Night before Naming Day Part of the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series! 'Twas the night before Naming Day And all through the Metru Not a Rahi was stirring Not even a...umm...what rhymes with 'Metru?' *The door to Matau's house opens and Matau himself emerges* Matau: Umm...why did I hear a loud voice reciting a weird poem just now? You interrupted my dream, what gives? I'm the poet-narrator-person-guy! Matau: Well, we don't need you. Ask Matau! is over for today. No, not that narrator! I'm the narrator for this holiday special. I'm reciting a poem about Naming Day. Matau: What, and this poem was good enough to interrupt me from my amazing dream where I was riding an awesome super-fast vehicle through the streets of Metru Nui, running over Onewa, Vakama, and Nuju repeatedly, with five hundred brand-new awesome smartphones, while Nokama sat right behind me and kissed me nonstop? You are so predictable. And you know what else is predictable? Matau: What-- Nokama: *SLAP!* Yeah. That. Nokama: Sorry about him. He gets a little weird when it's this late at night. Actually, come to think of it, he's a little weird ALL the time... Matau: I heard that. Whatever, will any of you help me? I can't think of a word that rhymes with "Metru!" Nokama: Let's see: Aetru, Betru, Cetru, Detru, Eetru, Fetru, Getru, Hetru, Ietru, Jetru, Ketru, Letru, Netru, Oetru, Petru, Quetru, Retru, Setru, Tetru, Uetru, Vetru, Wetru, Xetru, Yetru, Zetru. Do any of those help? Why are BIONICLE words so hard to rhyme? Oh well, I guess I'll just have to improvise. Thanks, though. You can go back to sleep now. Matau: Great! I hope Toa Santa brings me everything I wanted for Naming Day tomorrow! *Matau and Nokama go back inside* Ahem. 'Twas the night before Naming Day, And all through the Metru, Not a Rahi was stirring, Not even a Uetru. The foot-pieces were hung By the chimney with care-- *A window on the top floor of The Nuva Inn slides open and Lewa sticks his head out* Lewa: Hey, poet-narrator-person-guy! There aren't any chimneys in BIONICLE! Your poem doesn't make sense! Sheesh, everyone's a critic! Look, the original poem had chimneys in it, and I couldn't think of any BIONICLE equivalent for chimney. So it just stuck. Lewa: Well, it makes no sense. Like that's at all unusual? This is a Lewa0111 comedy, you know. Lewa: Good point. Still, you should at least try to make your poem more BIONICLEy. "Bionicley?" Now you're the one not making sense. Lewa: Oh, please. Anyone could do better at poem-writing than you! Fine, I'd like to see you try it. Lewa: Gladly! Ahem: "The foot-pieces were hung by the Zaktan with care, in hopes that trash cans soon wouldn't be there." That makes even less sense than mine did. It had absolutely nothing to do with Naming Day! Oh, and you may want to look behind you. Lewa: *turns around* Oh, hi, Zaktan, what do you-- *Zaktan dumps a gigantic trash can on Lewa's head* Lewa: MMPH! Finally, no more annoying Toa of Air criticizing my poetry. Zaktan, what's a good BIONICLE equivalent of chimneys? Zaktan: Try chutes or something, I don't care. I have to go find more trash cans. Okay, finally, here we go again: The foot-pieces were hung By the chute-stops with care, In hopes that Toa Santa Soon would be there. The Matoran were nestled Uncomfortably on their stones, And egotistical Air-Toa Dreamed of smartphones. Matau: EXCUSE ME? I thought I told you to go back to bed already! Matau: Yes, I know, but you can't just take my dreams and use them in your poem! That's plagiarism! Yeah, right. As if you have your dreams copyrighted or something? Matau: As a matter of fact, yes, I do. And also, that wasn't very smart. What wasn't? Oh no... Keetongu: DIE, POET-NARRATOR-PERSON-GUY! I HAVE COPYRIGHTS COPYRIGHTED! AAAAHHHHH!! Matau: Huh, looks like he's gone. I never knew Keetongu was capable of chasing Great Narrator Beings like him, but I guess so. But now what? Now the poem's over! *Keelerak comes out of his bedroom, rubbing his eyes* Keelerak: I heard noises, and when I looked outside, I saw a Great Narrator Being getting chased by Keetongu. Matau: We're in another Lewa0111 comedy. Standard issue. Keelerak: While we're on the topic of Lewa0111 weirdness, how exactly am I rubbing my eyes, anyway? Matau: ... Suukorak: ... Suukorak's Subtitles: {Hey! My line!} Matau: I really don't care. At this point, I just want this poem to be over so it can be Naming Day already! The suspense is driving me crazy! Keelerak: Well, then, why don't you just finish the poem yourself? Matau: Nah, that's a stupid idea. *Nokama walks in* Nokama: The poem stopped. I know I'm going to regret asking this, but: Matau, do you mind finishing the poem so that it can be Naming Day? Matau: That's the best idea ever, Nokama! *Keelerak sighs* Matau: Okay, so, where were we? Let's just start from the beginning: 'Twas the night before Naming Day And all through the Metru Not a Rahi was stirring, Not even a Uetru. The foot-pieces were hung By the chute-stops with care, In hopes that Toa Santa Soon would be there. The Matoran were nestled Uncomfortably on their stones, While completely awesome Air-Toa Dreamed of smartphones. And Nokama in her Rau And I in my Mahiki, Had just settled down And didn't see Rafiki. Keelerak: Umm...explain why exactly you expected to see Rafiki in the first place? He doesn't even exist anywhere near Metru Nui! Not even the same universe! Matau: It rhymes with Mahiki, all right? I don't see you coming up with any better ideas... Roporak: How about Cheese-Fiki? Everyone Else: Roporak: Fine, I'm going back to bed. I was having a great dream about cheese. *As Roporak leaves, a knock is heard on the door, and Takanuva, Kopaka, Tava, and Onua walk in* Matau: Hi, guys. What's up? Onua: Some moron was keeping us awake by belting out a really, really bad poem. So we thought we'd try to do better, and we figured you might be able to help us. Matau: Umm, I didn't hear any poems, but okay, sure. I actually started working on the first part of "The Night Before Naming Day" all by myself! So let's just start from the later verse. Takanuva: No. KLopa= hahahahaha Matau: What the--? Kraata of Letter Control: Ha, ha! *slithers away* Onua: That kraata is really getting on my nerves. How about we start now? Matau: Sure, I'll just continue and you guys can help me! How about this: When out on the island there arose such a clatter, I ran to the door to see what was the matter. I sprinted downstairs as quick as Pohatu, Threw open the door and looked out the...Umm...umm..."lobatu?" Onua: That was horrible. What kind of word is "lobatu," anyway? Matau: We've already figured out that BIONICLE words aren't the easiest things to rhyme... Tava: Pie! It rhymes with everything! Onua: Will you shut up about pie already? It does NOT rhyme with everything! Matau: That's true! Everything ends with I-N-G, while Pie ends with I-E! Onua: :facepalm: Tava: Well, how about I continue the poem then? The toppings on the crust of the new-fallen pie Gave the great taste of pie to the pie down below. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a miniature pie, with eight tiny pies here! Nokama: Oh, great. This is turning into the Valentine's Day special all over again, isn't it? Matau: *shrugs* On the plus side, at least we only have to worry about TNI and Ask Matau! characters due to the forum reset. So no annoying Brutaka this time. Nokama: Good point. Okay, Onua, I think it would be best for all of us if you continued. Onua: Very well. Here I go! With a driver of the pie, drinking bottles of Fanta, I knew in a moment it was Toa Santa. As if wearing Kakamas the eight pies they came, And the Toa called each one of them with a name: Tava: Okay, my turn! *Everyone groans* Tava: On, Blueberry, on chocolate, On Cookies 'n Creme and on Lemon! On pumpkin, on fishlighstonestatue, On fire, on Pi! Nokama: Remind me again how exactly the Rahi pulling Toa Santa's Ussanui got turned into pies pulling another pie? That somehow needs a driver? Onua: It's Tava. I think that speaks for itself. Nokama: Good point. Takanuva, do you want to continue? Takanuva: No. Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!! Nokama: Fine, then I suppose I'll go... To the top of the Coliseum! Straight up to its wall! Now dash away, dash away, Dash away all! Matau: Great job, hottie! Nokama: *SLAP!* Matau: Should have seen that coming... Onua: My turn again, I suppose! Like Fikou spiders caught in a hurricane from Lewa, When they ran into stuff, they flew off like Kewa. But before they went off, they came to Matau's house, With a pie full of gifts, and Toa Santa, with a bounce. Tava: My turn again! Nokama: I can't believe I'm doing this, but...better you, Matau, than him. It's your turn. Matau: Awesome! Here I go! And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the side The pieing and pieing of each little pie. While I walked back inside, and then turned around, Out the chute-stop came Toa Santa with a bound. Matau: Sheesh, the Rahi being pies really makes this poem hard to write, now, doesn't it? Tava: What are you talking about? It makes it so much more easy to write! Matau: Sure, for you maybe... Tava: My turn again! His armor was pie from his mask to his foot, And his body was drenched with protodermis from the chute. A huge bunch of pies he had put on his back, To give to the island from his Pie-Toa Pack. Onua: *sigh* You really do have a one-track mind, huh? How about we let Kopaka take a turn? Takanuva: No. Kopaka: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!! Onua: ...Or not...I guess I'll go. His eyes, how they lit up! His mask, how festive! His armor was colorful and he looked rather pensive! Toa Santa was laughing, since before was a lie, Not one speck of his armor was really a pie. Tava: Nokama: Very well-done retcon, Onua. Matau: Yeah, finally we're done with this pie-obsessed ridiculousness! Now time for some Matau-obsessed non-ridiculousness! Nokama: Figures. Matau: My turn again! He was eating hot soup and it sent up some steam, Which drifted about, seeming just like a dream. He spoke to me, saying "Matau, all this is for you! These vehicles, smartphones, and Nokama too!" Nokama: *SLAP!* *Matau ducks* Duck: Quack! Everyone: Matau: This is my poem, I can write it however I want to! Nokama: You are so predictable. Matau: Thanks! ...I think? Nokama: *sighs* I'll just make it my turn, then. Toa Santa was plump, rather large for a Toa, Though he looked like a Nuva much more than an Olda. A wink of his eye and a bob of his head, Soon let Matau know he was joking instead. Bob the Pirate : Did you just use my name without permission? How dare you! *All of the Toa in the room slam the door on Bob the Pirate's face* Onua: Somehow I'm just not surprised anymore. My turn! He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, Filling all of the foot-pieces, then turned with a [CENSORED BY BZP WORD FILTER]. All the Visorak's foot-pieces, Matau Nokama and Whenua's too, Had finally been filled, so Toa Santa left too. Takanuva: Onua, you can't rhyme the same word with itself! That's cheating! Onua: Who says? The narrator? Takanuva: No. *awkward pause* Takanuva: Umm...Kopaka? Kopaka: Delayed AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!! Takanuva: You're ridiculous. Kopaka: Why, thank you! Takanuva: No, I meant--oh, never mind. Let's just finish up already. Matau: How about we ALL finish the poem together? Nokama: That's a horrible idea...something tells me this won't go well. *shrugs* We'll see... Matau: All right! I'll start! Toa Santa returned to his Ussanui PIE! with a leap INTO A PIE! And away they flew off to the Coliseum of mine. You don't own the Coliseum, Matau! I wish I did! You're ridiculous. But we heard him exclaim as he flew out of sight, OF THE PIE! "Happy Naming Day to all, and to All a Good--" --Pie! THE END ~Lewa# Studios Lewa0111 Nuva
  15. Hello everybody, it's Bonkle and I'm trying out my first comedy type thingy. So how this works is you submit your Bionicle-related character and give them an adventure to go on, and then I write a short, humorous story. For example, Petewa asked me to write about his Po-Toa character travelling to other dimensions with a TARDIS, so I decided to have his character visit other LEGO universes. Anyone is welcome to have one written, but I'll only do one per member, unless you and someone else can agree on a "team" story. Writing Process: 1. Turn on music 2. Realize I can't focus with music playing 3. Turn off music 4. Struggle 5. The writing flows 6. Ugh, now I've got to type it in 7. ???? 8. Success! Table of Contents: Petewa: This post Irrie: This post Dragon Kovika Olita Short Comedies: Petewa Starring: Petewa, Dragon, Shadow, and Dane "I still don't think it's a good idea," Dragon hissed. He and Petewa were heading down to the conference room for breakfast with the rest of the Kanohi Force. "Relax, it'll be fine, as long as Shadow doesn't find out." "Whatever. But don't say I didn't warn you." The pair entered the room, the sounds of clinking silverware and chatter everywhere. Petewa casually glanced at Shadow as he helped himself to a whole plate of bagels. The Av-Matoran did not appear to be particularly interested in him. After they were all done eating, Petewa accidentally bumped into Shadow. A few papers fell from his trenchcoat. As he and Shadow bent down to pick them up, Petewa noticed what one index card said: STOP PETEWA. Suddenly, he bolted for the door, with Shadow in hot pursuit. Dragon disappointedly said aloud, "Smh." Dane quickly came over and high-fived him. Meanwhile, in the halls, Shadow was gaining a lead. Using his Kakama, he had nearly caught up with Petewa. As the Po-Toa disappeared around a corner, Shadow went left, down the stairwell to the garage. However, Petewa had stashed his vehicle in a closet off to the right. He snickered as he powered up the TARDIS and set coordinates for a random LEGO dimension. Down in the garage, Shadow heard the hum of the TARDIS and realized his mistake. Even as he dashed up the stairs, he knew it was too late. "PEEEEETEEEEEWAAAA!" Back in the TARDIS, Petewa was relaxed. Shadow worried too much. How harmful was pranking a few people in other LEGO dimensions? He grabbed a few water balloons as the Police Box reached its first destination. He stepped out into a world of fun and color. Petewa was utterly disgusted. A bipedal squirrel walked up to him, a stream of sparkles coming from its tail. "Hello, new friend! Welcome to FABU-" "Nope." Petewa quickly got back in the TARDIS and hit the random button again. This time, he landed on a bridge and narrowly dodged some laser fire as he got out. He realized where he was: Sentai Mountain! With a cry of, "Notice me Sentai!" he hit the nearest battle machine with a water balloon. The blue-haired pilot just stared at him for a second before rattling something off in Japanese. Several other mechs arrived and then things got really weird. The background became monochrome, with white lines streaking upwards. There were a bunch of crazy sound effects as we got close-ups of the weapons before all the mechs blasted Petewa. He was knocked back into the TARDIS, and he quickly hit the home button. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Short Comedies: Irrie Starring: Irrie and Ghidora Irrie woke up, already at maximum Frenchness. He got out of bed, singing La Marseillaise entirely in "hon hon's" He had something important to do today: he was searching for the fabled Almighty Baguette, a piece of bread created from raw gold and magic, located at the top of the highest peak in the land. Grabbing his Kaukau and Jo staff, he hopped into the MoustacheMobile and drove off towards the mountains. Finding the tallest mountain was no challenge, but climbing it was. Irrie had to leave behind the MoustacheMobile and continue up the slope on foot. Using his Jo staff as a walking stick, he was able to make decent progress. However, he soon encountered another climber! Could it be someone else trying to get the baguette? As Irrie got closer, he saw that his challenger was a mime! He knocked him away with his Jo staff, sending the mime crashing down the mountain. Suddenly, the mime made some hand gestures and a platform appeared under him, breaking his fall. He made more gestures and the platform soared back up to Irrie's level. The mime smashed the platform into Irrie's head before trapping him in a mime box. Then he continued sprinting up the mountain. Irrie was trapped, there was no escape. Ghidora casually walked by and dropped a Taco Bell chalupa on the box. "Think outside the bun," he said. What could he mean by that?" Irrie thought. "Think outsi..... Think outside the box!" he shouted out. Of course! He had French powers; all he had to do was mimic opening a box. He escaped from his prison and charged up the mountain, sending snow everywhere. Irrie quickly caught up to the mime, who put his hands on his face in shock. Irrie summoned a wall in front of the mime as they ran. The mime hit the wall head on and exploded into dust. Irrie finished the climb up to the peak and found the Almighty Baguette, but it was on the other side of a lava lake! As he approached, a booming voice said, "True or false. France is the world's most visited country." "True," Irrie said. A stone step appeared over the lava and the voice asked another question. After correctly answering ten, there was a full bridge across the lava. Irrie excitedly ran over the bridge and nabbed the Almighty Baguette. He held it over his head and cried, "Hon hon" for all of BZ-Nui to hear.
  16. Have you ever been too lazy to use your imagination when reading a story? No? Well let me introduce this illustration for my news comedy Staring Contest Continues anyway (click for full size): Everything is based off the descriptions in the story, which is a quick read if you want to enjoy the art a little more. All the characters involved make appearances. This was my first test of Roablin’s very nice MNOLG Kit; this wouldn’t be possible without all his and others’ work! Thanks, guys! Credit goes to Roablin, Matoran Onknu, Kojol, Bob 4104, Turahaga, and Takuma Nuva for the various parts of the MNOLG Kit, the MNOLG itself for the Ko-Koro background, Lego for the R2-D2 image, and BZP for the letters from the old Mata Nui Alphabet Decoder.
  17. ~Intro~ Roaming the streets, nowhere to go. Where will the illustrious Vezon preside? he has no more haggis, no rotating mirror to sit on, nothing. But then the obvious answer hits him like a firestorm touching a raw grape in july on an orange farm during a political election. He would return to the desolate dung pile called the house of Ghidora where he had come from, hogtie him and put him into the closet again, and once again become the king of all things random! Ah, the plan was so brilliant and so wondrous it seemed like a miracle he cared! but he was nowhere near coolville. How would he return to his domain from which he would show his triumphant awesomeness? And so this perilous journey began to reclaim his lost nothing back over at Ghidora's estate. Over corpse and spinal cord, through the money banks and into the hair brush, marched Vezon, Determined to show his brilliant majesty to all who think properly. Across snow-capped mountains and hot dog stands, through thick jungles and perfume departments, over the hilltops into the illustrious domain he once commanded. And as the sun rose behind him, scared to do it in front of his face, he saw the border collies of coolville! a tear filled with crocodiles shed from his snake-like eye, as he lifted his hands and said "I'm so great!" which showed the nightmare across the whole town. At last! he was home. Barging in through the door, he abducted Ghidora during his meal, and stuffed him away in the closet. But being such a hero0, he decided to finish the meal for him. And now, with his awesome might- Hey did you read the thing, or just skip to this sentence? Ask Vezon The Third Written by Ghidora131 Ask Vezon is back for the third(and definetly not last) time! Basically the way this works is you(you) ask Vezon a question.* Vezon proceeds to answer it in a comical story that makes little to no sense. NOTE: Vezon will only do stories if there are three or more questions asked. Most of which revolve around a fictional home which is apparently mine. But, that's not all! we have a new feature! it's called GUEST STARS Basically, fill out a description of what you look like below (i.e. Mask, mask color, body color, limbs color, hands/feet color, any headwear, any clothes, etc.) and maybe you'll get to be in an episode of Ask Vezon! Well, whatcha be waiting for? get asking!
  18. Update: I have Chapter 3 finished and I'm written up to half of page four of real paper! Chapter 4 will be named Indiana Tabo: Quest for the Lost Top Hat! Update 2: I have Chapter 4 finished and have written up to almost all of page 6 of real paper (I didn't write during the weekend). I hopefully will get to posting Chapter 1 today (May 5, 2015). I think ! may have the original, very first version of Chapter 1 on my computer. I will post it for reference. Stay tuned! Update 3: Scratch what I said about having the original. I do have faint memories of its content, but nothing otherwise. I tried to bring a cached version of this page, but it didn't have the original . I do have a draft of the last version, though. I might have a draft that I wrote before the original chapter, but I think I might have thrown it away. I'm crossing my fingers. Update 4: I cannot find the draft. I will post my draft for the last version of Chapter 1 (someday) . Look down below for the new Chapter 1! ~The Tokytot~
  19. Bionicle_Fanatic;Welcome to LEGO MB grammer freak! -Cheers and the theme song plays; a tacky midi tune with the autotune kicking in at points-[ ] B_F; Thank you very much for tuning in, I am you host B_F1, and I hope you enjoy the episode. We pick a few users every month who use good punctulation and speellign to appear on the show.[] For this week, please welcome Gracelw1, IndianaBonesSulfrix9, and TannerJ2598! -More cheers- B_F; So, gracelw1, what do you think about the current spelling situation in LMB's? Grace; Hmm? B_F; (whispering audibly) You're on air, grace. Grace; Oh. Well, I do think that there are lots of good spellers on here, but on the other hand (looks pointedly at B_F) B_F; (Goes red) Grace, this is my talk show! please don't embarrass me! Grace; How come you run this show when you can't even spell embarrass? You're hopeless! B_F; (leaves in shame) Grace; Great, now we have the show to ourselves! Bonsey, what do you think? Tanner; I don't![] Bonsey; Pickles, anyone? Grace; Pass! Bonsey; Sure! -Drops them in the bin- Grace; O.O D: Why did you do that? B_F; -comes back- Bonsey; You did say pass. B_F; seeing as this is technically my show, I can come and go if I want, eh? Grace; Well... Tanner; (Stage whisper) Shall we give grace a pickle? B_F; No. I really wouldn't. Grace; Pickle? -Lightbulb appears over head- Bonsey; Catch! [] [] Grace; Yum! Tanner; Grace, go gett B_F! Grace; [] YOU MADE A TYPO! -Faints- Tanner; I really don't mind. It's not my prob. [] Bonsey: Stop shortening things! -Starts playing super mario bros.- Audiance with Cr9 and Dude sitting in it; Boooo! B_F; We started the show with an orderly group of guest stars, a confident presenter and an eager audience. We end the show with a word-shortening bearded master of epicness, a mario playing skeleton, a pickle addict, An uncomfortable presenter and an angry audience. Goodnight!
  20. KONGU AND KEETONGU Episode 1 by Aerixx One morning, Kongu woke up to the sight of a red light shining in his eyes. The red light said, “Hello.” Kongu, like any decent Matoran, started screaming and trying to bat it away. Needless to say, he failed epically. The red light remained unmoving until Kongu finally exhausted all of his energy. When Kongu resigned himself to the fact that he was about to be eaten by a laser-pointer, the light leaned back and revealed itself to be... (cue Mortal Kombat “fatality” voice) Keetongu. Kongu started screaming again, then shut up. Then he said: “You want cookies? I have-own cookies... maybe... or something...” Keetongu didn’t understand anything. So, like any decent buff ninja cyclops thing, he asked, “Do you speak Matoran?” Kongu replied, “Yes, I do.” Keetongu, uncomprehending, repeated, “Do you speak Matoran?” Kongu, slightly very confused, answered again, “Yes. I speak Matoran.” “Do you speak Matoran?” “YES! Dude, I AM a Matoran!” Keetongu, even more confused, asked, “You are Matoran? This not Soviet Xia joke where ‘Matoran speak you’, this real?” Kongu facepalmed. “There are two kinds-types of Matoran: Us, and our language.” “You are Langwajj? Hello, Langwajj.” Kongu got up, looked at Keetongu, and said, “Let’s go eat-consume some cookies. Then maybe-possibly your mind’ll clear up.” Keetongu, still not understanding, stood from his crouching position and attempted to follow Kongu out of the hut’s small bedroom, but tripped on a random friction connector pin, tripped, and brought the ceiling crashing down on himself. Bamboo and curved slope parts came raining down and, as Keetongu tried to get up, a random Kanohi Kualsi fell onto his face (or whatever you call it). Kongu, only slightly disappointed by the destruction of his bedroom, grinned under his Miru and reached for the Kanohi, saying “Oh, hey, you found-discovered it! Thanks!” But before he could grasp it, Keetongu disappeared. He heard a surprised “Uh?” a few feet away, and when he turned, Keetongu was just vanishing again. “Wait-stop!” He called, but all he got in reply were random “Ooh!”s and “Wee!”s as Keetongu teleported around the hut in rapid succession. Kongu was at a loss of what to do. So he decided a tactic that always worked (at least on Po-Matoran): food. He held up a cookie and screamed, “Cookie!” Keetongu immediately appeared in front of him, grabbed the cookie, and vanished again. Now all Kongu heard were the sounds of the cookie being smashed against the faceplate of the mask as Keetongu tried to eat it somewhere on the roof of the kitchen. Kongu then called out, “Come over here and I’ll make you able to eat it!” Keetongu plopped down on the rubble by Kongu and looked at him expectantly. And creepily. Because his one eye-stalk was twisted through one of the eyeholes of the mask, so it appeared as if a Ko-Matoran had asked an amateur mask-maker to add an eye-piece to his Kualsi. Ugh. Kongu promptly popped the mask off Keetongu’s face (or whatever you call it). Keetongu promptly stuffed the cookie where his mouth would’ve been. But, since the characters in this story retelling go by their toy forms, not their movie forms, and Keetongu lacks a mouth in toy form, the cookie crumbs ended up clogging his Rhotuka-launching mechanism and causing it shoot a spinner which, in turn, smashed into Kongu and sent him flying through whatever was left of the walls to the house, leaving a suspiciously Matoran-shaped hole. Keetongu sighed and went to look for Kongu. Not long after, he found him head-first in a thornbush. He reached out with a massive hand to pull Kongu out, but the thorn bush squirmed and said, “No. My tasty.” Keetongu blinked his one eye in surprise and reached forward again. This time the bush growled, “My tasty. Go get your own.” Keetongu sat down in amazement. Was this a kind of Rahi? Or maybe a Makuta experiment, like the sentient mountain? In any case, he had to probe it for more details. “Who you?” He asked. “A bush.” “Why you want to eat Langwajj?” “I eat tasty because he is tasty. Go get your own.” “You want more tasty tasty? “I can has tasty more tasty than this tasty?” “Yes.” “Okay. Bring me tasty!” The bush snarled, and so Keetongu set off to find a Matoran for the bush to eat. After a while, he almost stepped on a little brown Po-Matoran. “Ow! Watch it, dude! I’ll have you killed! Teridax, this fat cyclops is bullying me! Waaaaaaaah!” Ahkmou whined. Keetongu calmly picked him up by the double-bevelled gear on his back and carried him all the way back to Le-Koro. “Hey bush! I have tasty for you!” Keetongu bellowed. All he heard in reply was “Taaaa... sssstttyyy...” and then a muffled gasp. Ahkmou started to snicker, but his laugh turned into a scream as Keetongu chucked him at the bush, knocking Kongu out of its maw and producing countless “ouch”s and “eek”s, followed by one final "Waaah!" Keetongu picked Kongu up and dusted him off. “Hello, Langwajj. More cookies?” ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So, this was chapter one of my first comedy. Did you like it? Should I keep going? Comments are appreciated, and critiques are welcome!
  21. This is a project I cooked up one long night at work. I don't expect everyone will understand all the references, but if you are the kind of nerd that I am, the type that reads/watches every available bit of materal related to bionicle, you might get a few good laughs out of this bit of satire. Please enjoy. Bionicle: Historical Fiction The great stone slab wobbled slightly, then stabilized. Which, considering it was 20 feet tall and ten wide, was a remarkable feat. Muffled curses came from under the polished black slab, though all that could be seen were the long white legs of a toa of ice. To all appearances, the slab had fallen, and crushed this unfortunate toa, but the truth was far different. The toa’s legs twitched in sympathy with his upper body, as he worked to fix over a dozen last minute problems that the engineers should have fixed before the thing was shipped here from New Takoro-Metru. Finally, with a cry of triumph, the Toa of Ice pulled himself out from under the great black monolith, and kicked away the supports on either side just in time for the onboard Miru system to kick in. The slab floated evenly above the floor, and the surface came to life with glyphs, both in Matoran, and Agori. The toa of Ice, Kithran, simply took the whole display in with a grand smile on his face. His greatest contribution to the remembrance of history was now completed, and on display for all of Spherus Magna to see. History was a subject near and dear to Kithran. Since his creation as an Ico-matoran, he had had an obsession with history. This was far from unusual, as Spherans of ice has long been fascinated with the observation and analysis of history, for therein could be gleaned limitless knowledge. This often brought them into disagreement with the Spherans of earth, engineers who always built with their attention focused on the far future. They were always studying to make sure their inventions and constructions left room for future expansion, and could remain relevant through the years, and to predict what would be best to build with respect to the trends of today that shape the world of tomorrow. But Kithran was unusually obsessed, and soon had out-studied scholars in the Crystal Knowledge Towers of his homeland of New Iconox, vast digital repositories of history. It wasn’t long before the Turaga of New Iconox awarded him a toa stone. His rebirth as a Toa of Ice sealed the deal, and allowed him to be named the Chronicler of Ice. Since then, he had wandered throughout the metropolis of Atero Nui, and as far as Bota Magna and Aqua Magna. He had occasionally met other Chroniclers, and had found that he got along well with the Chronicler of Earth, surprisingly. He had shared with Kithran a theory that matoran of earth had, at one time in the distant past, been focused on the archival of history, and the matoran of ice focused on discerning the future. Despite the obvious absurdness of this theory, Kithran found the idea interesting, and had spent some spare time researching the ancient times. His research had been stalled for years, as he had taken upon himself the task of creating a comprehensive Wall of History for display in new Kokoro-Metru. It would serve as a quick reference for all who came to see, as its text could be translated into both new and old matoran, and all agori dialects, and covered all famous past events. He was especially proud of his detailing of the events around the awakening of the Great Spirit, and the reforming of Spherus Magna as it happened 500,000 years ago. In the time that Kithran had been standing there, several Spheran’s had approached to use the Wall, and he took not a little pride in how well his interface worked. He was sure that any modern Spheran, be they matoran, agori, skrall, vortixx, or even skakdi, would be able to find what they were looking for. “Excuse me, brother,” Kithran turned at the voice, and found a rather old looking Toa of Fire standing behind him. “I should like to search for some old battles on your wall, but modern technology is such a mystery to me. Could I persuade you to help an old Toa?’ Kithran hid his annoyance at the toa of fire well, as he stepped into line for the access terminal. The toa continued “Besides, I like old stories better when they are told to you, not written in a slab like a cold, sullen epitaph. If it would be easier, if you know your history well enough, maybe you can just tell me what I want to know.” Kithran actually smiled at this. Like all ice matoran, he enjoyed sharing stories of the past. When his turn for the monolith came, he accessed the image archive, preparing his visual references. “What would you like to know? I can go as far back as the founding of ancient Spherus Magna society, the Core War, the creation of the Great Spirit, the seven legendary toa, the search for-” “legendary toa?” The toa of fire interrupted. “I would like to know more about them, if you please. And don’t spare the details, I’ve been away from society for a very long time now.” For once in his life, Kithran didn’t mind being interrupted. The seven legendary toa was a favorite subject of his, and was one of the most well studied subjects in the archives of Atero Nui. And so he began his story. “The seven legendary toa were a team of toa who were created to safeguard the life of the Great Spirit. They were Tohu, toa of fire, Kopeke, toa of ice, Lewa” here, he pronounced the name as LOO-wah, “toa of air, Onewa, toa of earth, Gaaki, toa of water, Puhota, toa of stone, and Takua Nuva, toa of light.” Kithran found it necessary to stop here, as the stranger was giving him a most unreadable look. Before he could ask what was wrong, a passerby remarked “Call me crazy, but all the historical recordings I’ve ever heard pronounce the legendary toa of air’s name as LEE-wah.” Kithran replied “That’s true, most do. But I’ve come across some obscure material that clearly pronounce his name LOO-wah, and I’m working on a theory that this is in fact the correct pronunciation.” The stranger chose this time to interject “I’ve always heard it pronounced LAY-wah.” Kithran and the passerby turned to stare at the strange toa for a long moment, then Kithran leaned in close, and said in a half-whisper “No offense intended, brother, but that name just sounds absurd. Besides, how can one toa of air have three ways to pronounce his name?” The stranger shrugged. “You were about to recount their adventures?” With an exclamation, Kithran leapt back to the monolith, and scrolled to just the right spot. Turning back to face his one-toa audience, he began. “There are very few known facts about the origin of the seven legendary toa. What little there is suggests these Toa were created from the essence of their respective elements. They were born as Toa, with no memory of who they were, or their purpose. Some scholars firmly believe someone, probably Toa Halix of the Order of Mata Nui, kidnapped six matoran, wiped their memories, and transformed them into toa, but the evidence for this is only circumstantial. “Anyway, during the early construction of Mata Nui’s robot avatar, the toa battled primordial forces across the universe. At some point, they ended up in the core of the avatar, and became… trapped there. They somehow ended up entombed in six silver canisters, and entered a death-like sleep for thousands of years. In the meantime, life within Mata Nui’s avatar moved on. Near the end of Mata Nui’s arduous task, a great evil struck at him. The ancient scrolls say, rather enigmatically, that after a mighty struggle, the evil Mukau cast a spell which made Mata Nui sink into an endless sleep. With his control gone, his avatar crashed into the ocean of Bota Magna. But, using the last of his control, Mata Nui was able to create a safe haven, a floating island anchored by a tunnel to the robots face. Six toa, the Toa Metro, brought the inhabitants of the island city of Metro Nui to this island. In memory of their home, they named this new island Metro Nui, as well. But the Mukau’s evil had taken a toll on these matoran. Soon, their bodies withered, their skills diminished, and they even forgot who they had been, calling themselves, for a time, Tohunga. I know, I know,” Kithran tried to wave away the question he saw his listener about to ask, “it seems like I’ve completely changed topics, but this is relevant, trust me.” “No, no, it’s not that,” The toa said. “Are you certain someone didn’t just misinterpret the word ‘turaga’ as ‘tohunga’? Because that seems much more likely.” “I actually get that a lot, but there does seem to have been a brief period of time in these particular matoran’s lives when they thought of themselves as “Tohunga”. It’s odd, I know, but the reference is there if you know where to look. This was the situation when the legendary toa arrived. The Great Spirit, with what power he had left, pulled them from the core, and dropped them from the sky into the ocean around the island. “Now, I should mention that, up to this point, there were only six legendary toa. The seventh, Takua Nuva, had not come into being yet. In fact, he, as a matoran, was the one who summoned the six toa to the island of Metro Nui. How is not very clear. The most prevalent explanation is also the most absurd: that by bringing six toa stones together, they somehow merged energies to somehow generate a beacon of some kind that somehow drew the tombs to the island. Seriously, toa stones just don’t do that, it flies in the face of all established science of their properties. It’s like suggesting a great Kanohi can turn a matoran into a Toa simply by putting it on. “Regardless, the toa were expelled upon the beaches of this mysterious island with only fragmented memories of who they were before. So confused were their memories that they immediately set out attacking the island’s wildlife. However, they were eventually set on the right track by the turaga of the six villages, incidentally the six former Toa Metro. These turaga set them looking for great kanohi that were scattered across the island. With these collected, the toa made their way to the Great Temple in the center of the island. There, they exchanged their collection of kanohi for six golden masks, the origins of which are shrouded in mystery. From there, they descended into the depths of the Mukau’s lair, the great Mangaiaiaia, and fought off an infestation of Keras crabs, before coming face to face with the master of shadows himself. I should note that historical texts of the time mark this as the first mention of when the six legends became seven. Toa Takua Nuva is mentioned as being present during the battle, but of his role in it, there is nothing. We know he was there because he is named as a chronicler by this point, and some of our source material actually comes from him, which makes it all the more strange why his role in the battle is overlooked.” The toa shrugged indifferently. “Maybe he was still just a matoran, recording the events of the battle from a safe place.” Kithran looked at the toa as though he had just suggested the Mukau should be honored as a great hero. “You must have been out of contact with society for a long time to think that. Since time immemorial, matoran gifted with a spirit of adventure, a love of history, and the call of destiny have become Toa, and been granted the title of Chronicler. A matoran must have devoted themselves to a life of study, journey, and learning before they became a Toa, and only after becoming a Toa do they truly earn the title of Chronicler. We then wander the world, seeking to record the events of our time. Sometimes we wander alone, sometimes we join Mangaii teams, fighting alongside Toa and Glatorian and chronicling their adventures. This is the way it was with the Chroniclers Takua Nuva and Hali, and this is the way it has continued for over 500,000 years.” “But isn’t it possible there was a time when matoran were Chroniclers, whether or not they were destined to become Toa? What about Kodan and Kopeke?’ “History says Kodan died with many of his fellow toa at the hands of Shadow Hunters at the gates of Metro Nui. And Kopeke…I honestly don’t know why you mentioned him. Unless you’re saying the legendary toa of ice was a ‘matoran chronicler’ who was kidnapped, brainwashed, and turned into a toa with the rest, and, as I’ve said, that theory does not hold water. There‘s never any mention in the ancient histories of him even being a Chronicler.” The toa put up his hands in mock surrender, and motioned for Kithran to move on. Kithran found himself hoping this Toa was not a sign of things to come. He didn’t think society could survive with such ignorance of history. “Anyway, the Toa successfully defeated the Mukau, but their troubles were not over. Swarms of hostile, beetle-like machines called Bahrag were unleashed upon the island. Led by the fearsome Bahrag-Kal, they were an almost unstoppable force. Still, the legendary toa fought on, eventually defeating the six leaders of the swarms. In the final confrontation, they were transformed, and became the even more powerful Toa Nova. This came with a price, however, as their increased power became tied to six mysterious symbols of unknown origin. If these symbols were ever stolen, the toa would lose their elemental power. Some sources hint that the symbols were stolen. There is speculation that the six leaders of the swarm survived, and attempted to revive the swarms with the symbols, before being defeated once and for all. Perhaps that is what the symbols were intended for, as there are also writings of a stone cube meant to receive the symbols, though its purpose, even its existence and origin, are unknown.” Once more, the toa spoke up. “I read once that Artahka made the symbols and the cube. Is that not true?’ “There are sources that say as much, but I hope not. You see, such sources would have us believe that every mysterious and powerful artifact in the old Matoran Universe was made by Artahka. Kanohi Nova? Made by Artahka. Mask of Light? Made by Artahka. Nova symbols and cube? Made by Artahka. Great Disks? Made by Artahka. To have this one being conveniently make all these things simply kills so much of the mystery and wonder of our past. I remember history buffs complaining when we discovered the long-lost name of The Shadowed One. They said it made him less intimidating as a villain, less mysterious and such. I don’t necessarily agree, as The Shadowed One takes a bit of breath to say, but I understand their argument, as it’s similar to what I feel about Artahka being the creator of everything of import in the entire universe. “But, to move forward, the Toa Nova next faced a more powerful threat: the Pirahkshi: a gang of six vicious, brutal monstrosities born from the essence of the Mukau, himself. This is a point where historical references become…conflicting. It seems that the Pirahkshi were attempting to capture the Mask of Light, Takua Nuva’s kanohi. Ultimately, the seven legendary toa defeated these brutes. This much is certain, but other texts claim that Takua Nuva and Jala, who would one day become the leader of the six Toa Ignika, were given the Mask of Light, and sent on a quest to find the Toa to whom it belonged. Still others say that Takua Nuva was still a matoran, and at the climax of their quest, he became a Toa. This is probably just a misinterpretation by a later scholar. “But however it happened, Takua Nuva descended into Mangaiaiaia, and battled the Mukau in single combat.” Kithran sighed heavily. “Unfortunately, the details of this battle appear to have mostly been lost. The only surviving account, and a most fantastical one at that, says they participated in a…kohlii match. It-it’s an ancient game, and the precursor to modern day Akohliini. Not only does a two-person Kohlii match not make sense, it doesn’t add up that the greatest evil of the time would neglect to use his awesome powers in battle. On the other hand, if this single report is accurate…” Kithran shook his head slowly. “Imagine: the ultimate battle between the avatars of Light and Shadow played out as a simple game of Kohlii.” The old Toa nodded, reluctantly, in agreement. “I agree, it does seem…odd.” “’Odd’?” Kithran said, perplexed. “It’s absurd. What kind of sick joke-” “Maybe,” The toa started, “Maybe it was a ploy. Maybe he had bigger plans, and he needed the Legendary Toa to believe he was dead? And he pretended to loose the kohlii game, and become fused with Takua Nuva, allowing the way to the matoran’s old home to be reopened, before allowing himself to be apparently killed, so that the Toa would not realize he was still a threat.” Kithran stood stock still, with an expression on his face somewhere between perplexed and incredulous. The old Toa finally said “It sounded better in my head.” Kithran nodded slowly. “I’m…sure it did.” The toa of fire starred back for a few seconds, then asked “So, what happened next?’ Kithran altered a few settings on the Wall, and continued “Well, the seven legends led the way back to Metro Nui. The original one. They were greeted by the city’s former leader, Turaga Dumah. Leaving Takua Nuva to guard the city, Tohu led the other five Toa on a series of quests, long ago appointed them, to repair the avatar of the Great Spirit, and prepare for his awakening. While Jala led the Toa Ignika in search of the mask they named themselves after, the Legendary Toa sought the staff of Artahka, and brought it to its owner. As a reward, he gifted them with prototypes of the armor now used by all Mangaii and Hag-ah teams. He then sent them back to the core of the universe, to begin the awakening of Mata Nui’s spirit. Takua Nuva was sent by Toa Halix to join them by means of a primitive, damaged Mask of Dimensional Gates. He was sent from one alternate reality to another, acquiring new, more powerful weapons and the power of flight, but also had his essence corrupted with shadow energy. Eventually, he arrived in the core of the universe, and rejoined his brothers and sister. “But, even with all seven of the legends together, awakening the Great Spirit would prove most difficult, for their old enemy, the Mukau, had returned, and mutated into terrifying giant insects and bats, forever on the hunt. What little we understand of the Mukau and his power largely comes from his doppelganger, whose physical evolution seems to have taken an entirely different path. Given the Mukau’s legendary shape shifting abilities, it doesn’t seem so far-fetched the believe that he could have split himself into seven or eight smaller forms. “And here, at the place of their most legendary battle, the seven legends became eight: One of the Toa Ignika, Motara, used the Mask of Life to bring the Great Spirit back from death. But to give the Great Spirit life, he had to surrender his own. “I digress, I know, but, in my humble opinion, this single act of heroism, selflessness, and honor makes Motara a legendary toa in his own right. Not all with agree with me, but I stand by that statement.” Kithran paused, seeing the distant look in the old toa’s eyes. It was as if, for a moment, the toa was somewhere else entirely, perhaps reliving a moment long forgotten to history. A minute or two passed, then the toa shook his head, and motioned for Kithran to continue. “After Motara’s use of it, the Mask of Life fell to the bottom of the core of the avatar. In these ancient days, the Mask of Life was both alive and conscious, fully aware with a mind of its own. And it understood Motara’s sacrifice. And to honor him, it formed for itself a body, and became the Eighth Legendary Toa, the Toa of Life. It joined with it’s newfound toa brothers and sisters in battle with the Mukau, in a battle beyond imagining, and drove him back long enough to discover the key to reawakening the Great Spirit. Their toa power, their very essence would have to be used to awaken Mata Nui’s avatar. This should have been the end of the legendary toa, but it was not to be. The Toa of Life chose to follow Motara’s example, and gave up his own life to awaken Mata Nui. This act awakened the energy storms that normally raged within the core, and the seven legends barely escaped. The Mukau, they believed, was not so lucky. Are…are you okay?’ The toa of fire was starring straight ahead, with an expression of…Kithran was actually at a loss to define it. Finally, the toa refocused on Kithran, and motioned for him to continue. “Well, as is well documented in history, the spirit of the Mukau assumed direct control of the avatar by forcing Mata Nui’s spirit into the Ignika, and expelling it from the avatar. Mata Nui’s story after this is well known. Not so well known, however, are the details of the events in the avatar. What chronicles we have are incomplete. On that note, I should say that some of our history of this time does come from writings from Kopeke, though other reports put him at conflicting places throughout the avatar. However, this sort of inconsistency is unfortunately common for this period of our history. Such as the story of the Mukau from another reality, and his matoran companion, Mazda. They appear to have returned/arrived in our reality near the start of the false Great Spirit’s reign, wandered over a hill, fought some Toa of Shadow, and finished the last one just in time for the Mukau’s death several weeks later. For a student of this period of time, this sort of faulty record-keeping is absolutely depressing. “Anyway, when the Mukau arrived on Bara Magna, and faced Mata Nui’s new avatar, six of the legendary toa lead the charge, fighting scores of Skrall, Heat-vision Pirahkshi, and Skakdi that, if the ancient depictions are to be believed, all looked like the warrior Nektai. I say six because Lewa was elsewhere, on another adventure entirely, which we know veritably nothing about. As Tohu and Takua Nuva led the charge onto the surface of Bara Magna, the Ignika fashioned golden armor for Tohu. It was meant as a failsafe against any and all potential threats to Mata Nui. And yet only targeted the solid form of the substance of which the Mukau was made. This was extremely fortunate, as that was what Piraskshi were made of. However, the Mukau took notice, and used his own substantial power to transform Tohu, taking from him his Nova power, as well as destroying Takua Nuva’s power lance and sky blaster. Go ahead and ask.” As the Toa voiced the question Kithran had seen on his face, there seemed as much weariness in his voice as Kithran now felt. “The Ignika devolved Tohu to make the armor fit, this I know. And Takua Nuva abandoned his weapons long before the final fight.” And now Kithran was beyond courteous debate, and cut straight to his point. “One: this is the Mask of Life we’re talking about. Why couldn’t it alter the armor to account for whatever changes Tohu had gone through? That’s what life does, after all: change constantly. And two: the Master of Darkness takes over the world and unleashed countless minions of shadow. So the only Toa of Light in existence ditches a weapon that shoots bolts of concentrated light energy, and a staff that exponentially magnifies his powers. Makes complete sense, why didn’t I think of that?’ “I didn’t say it was logical.” “Then why did you say it?’ Kithran implored. “Why do you keep making the most absurd statements about your own history? If it weren’t for how serious your statements are, I’d assume you were having a laugh at my expense.” “I can assure you, I am not making light of you, or history. I understand I’m weighing on your patience, and I am not offended. Finish the story, and I’ll trouble you no more.” This seemed like the best offer Kithran had heard all day, and so he continued. “The blast scattered the armor across the battlefield. Tohu, Takua Nuva, and a glatorian named Gresci hunted down the pieces as Toa and Glatorian, Matoran and Agori fought side by side for the first time, while Mata Nui and the Mukau waged war in the clouds above. Finally, all the armor had been found. When Tohu donned it, energies contained within the armor lashed out, and killed all the Pirahkshi. The lose of his army staggered the Mukau, and gave Mata Nui the opportunity to push the avatar into the path of the Bota Magna fragment as it returned to its place on the planet. What happen ed to the Mukau and his avatar is rather muddy. The fragment either clipped the back of his head, or smashed the top of his head, or obliterated his head,a nd all the inhabitants of Metro nui floated gently to the ground on the winds of change. I don’t know. None of the artists of the period depicted the Mukau’s death the same way. How hard is it to draw one simple event consistently?’ Shaking his head clear of his mood, Kithran composed himself, and continued. “This was the last major battle the legendary toa fought in, though that is not to say it was the end of their adventures. The peace with Bota Magna, the war with Marender and his army of Baterra, the Alliance and reintegration of the Vorox, the peace treaty with Branar, Archon of the Skrall; All of these amazing moments of our history, all these triumphs. Not a one would have been possible without the Seven Legendary Toa. It is truly saddening that they are not around to see this glorious period of our history. They disappeared, you see, over four hundred thousand years ago, vanished from this world like the Great Spirit. Perhaps they felt the same as he did, that our civilization had no more need of them.” Kithran had turned to look at the sunset, and therefore missed the enigmatic look that played across the old Toa of Fire’s face. “We’ve come a long way since then. We’ve conquered this planet, and set our sights on the light of distant stars. But it is my fervent hope that, no matter how far we go, we will always remember those ancient heroes. And wherever their bodies now lie, I hope they rest easy, knowing the future they helped build is still in good hands, and that their history is well remembered.” The old Toa nodded once, then silently turned, and began to walk away. Kithran, oblivious, continued, “Still, we shouldn’t completely follow their example, considering the first thing they did after landing on Metro Nui was set about harassing any wildlife they could find. Terrible example to give the next generation.” The Toa of Fire stopped dead in his tracks, and slowly turned around, giving Kithran a hard stare. Finally he said, “Well, I’ve heard all I need to. A few small errors of translation, I can understand, and the main points of the story are fairly accurate. Yet I shudder to think what a few more millenia of you “historians” picking this story apart will turn it into. The historians from my day, and they were Onu-matoran, knew how to record history. But since they’re not around, I suppose it’s time for us to return, and set the record straight, and hope it sticks this time.” With that, the Toa turned on his heels and marched away. Kithran starred after him, completely perplexed by what this old Toa had said. It couldn‘t be true, but…what if this Toa hadn‘t been completely ignorant of history? What if he knew more than Kithran because he had heard the story from someone far older? Or maybe…? The old Toa of Fire with his gold-accented armor continued his march to the horizon, stopping only long enough to yell over his shoulder, “And to start things off, it‘s not Tohu, that name sounds absurd. My name is pronounced Tahu! T-A-H-U!’
  22. Spherus Quest: An Episodic Comedy Adventure Character Bios coming soon... Preface Once, every 1000 cycles of the machinations of the known and unknown dimensions of existence and non-existence, a comedy line dances into the Grand Ol’ Oprey of life that escapes the meager limits of language cobbled together by the feeble minds of Matoran. Although severely limited in their ability to describe the glorious lovechild of hilarity and wit that is this comedy, many eons of intense delegation among the foremost seers and scientists that are able to call a giant robot their home have refined their sacred chants into a few sentences… “Pretty good, but I was a little lost there, and this guy already did something like that a year ago. Here’s the link. I’m getting a mod to close this thread.” So much for the tongues of Matoran. Regardless, this comedy has seen fit to grace the presence of your computer screen, Bionicle fan. In doing so, it has caused the room you are now sitting in to be saturated by holy light, and converted your pc or phone or tablet or magic mirror or potato into a holy computer. You’re welcome. Your specific device can now run Battlefield 4 on medium graphical settings and comes with a gift card for 20 dollars in Steam wallet funds. … Wait, why are you still here? Huh, you still want to read this? Really? Wow, ok… Gosh, really? That’s super cool of you. To be honest, I didn’t think anybody would get this far. I guess I’ll write something up real quick Well, here you go. CHAPTER 1 The Toa Nuva begin to discuss with the Agori leader Raanu the terms for building a Matoran refuge on the newly reconstructed planet of Spherus Magna. Although now considered beautiful and life sustaining, the planet still had its share of new dangers and challenges... Tahu: That direction. It’s perfect. Raanu: Our Thornax bushes are that way. Tahu: Okay… that other perfect direction. Right there. Raanu: That’s our other Thornax spot. Tahu: That way? Raanu: Thornax Tahu: (Points up) Raanu: Thornax Tahu: (Points down) Raanu: Thor- Tahu: (Points angrily at Lewa) Raanu: Hmmm… Tahu: What’s with you people and Thornax!? Raanu: What’s with you people and living!? Tahu: Look, we need a place to build a freaking Matoran City! For Matoran! By Matoran! Maybe if you, like, grew food instead of Thornax you wouldn’t be subsisting off of a gladiatorial combat system Raanu: Don’t be confoundin’ me wiff yur fancy orthopedics, boy. I like my innards where they be. Gali: Sir, this may be a better question: where are the Thornax NOT? (Raanu’s eyes glass over) Gali: Sir? Lewa: I think you broke it. (Gali splashes water on the Agori’s face) Raanu: I told ya’ he was lyin' on the floor this mornin’! Onua: Easy, old timer. Agori: Sorry, youngins, I thought I heard somebody mention Thornax and a negative word in the same sentence… Kopaka: Sir, we just need an area where the Agori wouldn’t mind us building a new home for the Matoran. Raanu: Why are you white? Lewa: Ohmygosh… Kopaka: We’re not going there. Cykron: Yes sir. Kopaka: Any ideas old man? Agori: I had a few , Casper, if you’d let me think. Kopaka: Ok we’re already done professionally. Cykron: Couldn’t resist. Pohatu: I just had a super cool idea! Onua: No Pohatu: Brother, there are no Mahi around. Anywhere. At all. Gali: Wait, what Mahi? Onua: (Sticks finger in Gali's face) Exactly. (Awkward silence) Pohatu: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT AND YOU KNOW IT. Onua: LIES. Gali: Quiet! What's your idea, Pohatu. Pohatu: . Anyway, why don’t we build a city that can house both Matoran and Agori peacefully? Gali: Sounds good to me. Lewa: Sure. Tahu: Dibs on mayor. Kopaka: … Onua: THEY WERE SO FULL OF LIFE. Raanu: Never eat asparagus before goin’ on a date, boys. Take it from me. Turaga Duma: Dibs on mayor. Tahu: NOW WAIT JUST A SEC- Oh, hello wise one. When did you get here? Turaga Dume: I'm with you, always. Tahu: That’s terrifying. Turaga Duma: Yes. Raanu: Is it dark in here or am I having a stroke… Kopaka: I sincerely hope it’s the latter. Raanu: Ow yep, still white. (The other Turaga approach, along with other Turaga from other unknown regions of the recently destroyed Matoran Universe) Vakama: Have we reached a verdict, friends? Tahu: Raanu should not be leading his own life, let alone a nation of Agori. Vakama: Yes, we will take care of that soon enough. (Scary music plays. Raanu eats a fig newton, because that’s what old people eat.) Cykron: This writing stuff is easy! Vakama: Have you come to a conclusion of where to build a new Matoran/Agori city? Gali: We have a few ideas. Vakama: (Gesturing for the other Turaga to form around him) Let’s hear it. Roughly ten minutes later… Duma: Then it is decided. We will arrange a small scouting party of six capable Matoran to venture into the newly reformed wilds of Spherus Magna in order to find the ideal location for our new city. Whenua: Why only six? Duma: It’s served us pretty well so far. Whenua: Why Matoran? Duma: Because we need all of the Toa we can spare to guard the rest of the Matoran here. Whenua: Why… Cykron: Because I came up with this story in the five minutes between calculus and english class. Whenua: Ah. Duma: Any other questions? Whenua: Well, I- Duma: Anyone at all? Whenua: I just- Vakama: I think we’re good here. Nuju: *Whistles* Vakama: Haha oh, Nuju! *Everyone laughs* *Raanu dies* Stay tuned for Chapter 2!
  23. Katoris

    Katoris' Comics

    Name to be hopefully changed in the near future Now that I'm starting, I will work hard to gain some momentum and make these comics follow a series of arcs. Until then, Enjoy the show! Critiques Requested! Comics: ~ A Fresh Start ~ The Birth of a New Legend Unprofessional Mover The Freeloader Takori Meets Mr. Freeloader First Mistake, Freeloader Boredom The Torture Room Return From "Vacation" Holiday Specials! Valentine's Day 2014 April Fools' 2014 Happy 14th Birthday, Katoris! Stuff: Cherry Blossoms Newcomer... ~ | ~ PGS: 1. Tahukan 2. TBK 3. Aurora More PGS spots will possibly opened in the future If you have any thoughts or any tips that can help me, please help in any way you can! And boy, do I need help with doors and furniture. Credits: Dark 709, Gerlicky, Soran, and whoever else may have contributed to the creation of the Chimoru R Kit. Special Thanks to Damaracx Ultimate and Soran for giving me help in Gimp, and Tehurye for help in miscellaneous stuff. And thanks to Gavla, Dark 709, Gerlicky, Kahinuva, and all others whose works gave me the inspiration to start creating comics. ~Katoris
  24. The Legend of Sparta Nui Prologue In a time before classical times, there was a island called Sparta Nui where many millions of Matoran and Toa lived together in peace and harmony. But that all had changed when Piorisia another neighboring island nearby launched and invasion on two coastal city-states in Sparta Nui. This led to war between the two countries and since then it has still been going on for now about 100 years. Chapter 1 "Is there ever a day" said the Toa Daemos who was a welder of a battle axe and welder of ice powers, "when there isn't a group of Piorisians coming after us?" he asked as he sat down at the campfire that stood in front of him as the flames gave off smoke. "I am afraid not, my comrade." said Toa Hethens who was a welder of a metal spear and welder of magnetic powers. He was a warrior of the element of Magnetism serving for his kingdom of Sparta Nui. "Well as long you keep killing them Piorisians we will have no problems..." said Toa Rho, who welded the power of being able to control gravity. He also always carried around an copper sword with him as well. Then the hooded figure then stood up from his seat on the log the team was sitting on. He stood up and then put down his hood of his cloak and his red cape blew in the breeze of wind. He was a Toa of Stone, and he was most famous known Toa of all of Sparta Nui, Toa Arthymos. "Men, tomorrow we head to the city of Deltamos, there we will convince the city leaders to aid us in our war against the Piorisians. We shall get some rest now, because tomorrow will be a big day and long travel." That being said the Toas go to sleep and are already prepared for tomorrow's journey. Chapter 2 After the last's night sleep, the Toa wake up at sunrise in the crack of dawn. They then get their armor, helmets, weapons and shields along with other important belongings with them. The four Toa begin to set forth to the city-state of Deltamos by travelling on foot across the arid terrain they are in. They maybe many dangers awaiting them before they reach Deltamos for all we know. But hopefully our heroes will know what do in dangerous situations. As Arthymos walked in front of everyone else, his comrade Rho the Toa of Gravity walked beside him. "So how long until we reach Deltamos?" Rho asked Arthymos as he kept his eyes on what was in front of him. Just in case anything out of nowhere bad happens. "We will perhaps reach Deltamos in two hours if not perhaps three hours then, it all depends on if something or someone attacks us during the way there." he replied. As that being said, Rho then kept silent but still walked beside his leader Arthymos to be sure he will be right beside him when they arrive to Deltamos. While Hethens and Daemos were walking and sweating in the intense desert heat. Suddenly out of nowhere a wild Rahi appears by trying to attack Arthymos with it's venomous stinger tail. But Arthymos luckily had reacted in quick time to use his shield to protect himself from getting hit by the stinger tail. Then suddenly all four of them begin to fight the wild creature as they surround it. The Rahi gets confused and then tries to hit them all with it tail, but it fails doing so by confusion. The four then butcher the Rahi with their weapons to the point the creature is butchered alive. After that the four Toa then continue on forth to Deltamos as the dying Rahi lays on the arid ground and eventually dies from bleeding out of it's arteries. "We have finally arrived to Deltamos." exclaimed Hethens as he was already wiped out from all that long walking on foot. It took them like Arthymos had said three hours due to them all being attacked by a Rahi. A native Matoran to the city walks up to them and greets them. "Welcome to the City-State of Deltamos, what can I do for you?" the little Matoran asked them. Arthymos then stood out in front of the Matoran and said, "Would you kindly take us to your leader of your city?" he asked him. "But the leader of Deltamos doesn't like to get foreign visitors nor does he like to see them..." The Matoran then replied. "Well this is urgent, and we need to speak with him now!" Arthymos then said in a low tone of voice. "Alright fine, right this way..." the Matoran then said to them four as it led them to the city palace in the center of the city. End of Chapter 2 Chapter 3 The four Toa then arrive at the steps of the city palace of Deltamo's leader. They are then brought to the leader by two armed guards who held metal spears and wore metal silver helmets. They then glanced at the leader who had sat in a chair made out of concrete and he was a Turaga of Fire. The Turaga looked upon the four visitors and wondered what they are here for exactly. "What do you visitors need? It better be something important..." the old Turage of Fire said as he sat in his chair. "We four Toa have came all the way from the city-state of Ames and we have recently been attacked by the Piorisians two months ago which lead to our city being in a ruined economy." Arthymos said as he stood in front of the rest of the three. "And your point is? Go on I'm listening..." the Turaga said impatiently. "We would like your city-state of Deltamos to ally with our city-state of Ames so we can together form a united army of Toa and kick Piorisian butt." the Toa of Fire then said to the elder Turaga of Fire. The Turaga stood there for a moment and thought about it, and then made up his mind. "Alright we will aid you in war against Piorisia, we will send you at least 500 Toa warriors to help aid your city against the Piorisians." The Turaga then said in a low voice. "Thank you sir." Arthymos said to the Turaga of Fire, and then the Turaga said, "Guards lead the four travellers back to the entrance, and also SOMEONE GET ME SOME CHILI PEPPERS WITH SPICE IN THEM!" the Turaga ordered. The four Toa are then led out by the two armed guards and then the four of them travel around the city to search for some more comrades to join them in the quest to defeat the Piorisians. End of Chapter 3
  25. This is a comedy I have been working on for a few days. It is a satire starring a new member on BZPower. I'm pretty sure this is OK as BZPower itself is LEGO-related, but if not, PM me and move it. It is in a fairly rough draft phase right now. You will mostly see this in tense-related problems. I don't usually have problems with that kind of thing, but I did this time. Here is the first "chapter" of it: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Day 1: After finding a BZPower result in google, he goes to home page and reads. "New LEGO Star Wars Set! By Andrew, reported to by Takauju, who will NOT get any proto-points. Even though he reported news. Check out the LEGO Shop@Home site to see a new LEGO Star Wars set. It's only $250.00 USD, so you can buy it for sure!" New member decides that it would be worth his while to make an account. He likes LEGO and Bionicle, though he hasn't done much with his 60 sets in a while. He clicks on the "Enter BZPower Forums" button, but is greeted with a message saying the forums are offline. "Darn it." He closes the page. Here is the next chapter: Day 2: He goes to the site again, but is still pushed away by the "offline" message. And the third, the absolute shortest chapter ever: Day 3: Same. Here is the fourth chapter, where things really get going: Day 124: He has tried every day to enter the BZPower forums with decreasing excitement, but each time fails. This day, however, he successfully enters the site. Perhaps it has been good, as he has had time to play, take apart, build, and again play with all his Bionicle sets, as well as re-read the books three times each. He feels prepared. But perhaps it wasn't good either. "Geez, why did it take so long?" He wonders. He notices that all the links are somewhat grey, that he can't search, nor can he read member's pages. "There go all my hopes of just reading on here without having an account." He clicks the green button that says "New Account". Now he needs a username. He really likes Takua as a character, so he tries it. Username already taken. He tries Tahu, Pohatu, Onewa, Vezon, and all the Rahkshi names with the same result. "I bet all the people that have those usernames are really famous." He says to himself. He decides upon the username *!*8TaKuA8*!*. He doesn't realize until too late that that sounds like a computer-generated spambot username. He enters his email address, real name, and all his other details. He then tries to log on, but it won't let him. He checks his email for the confirmation email, but sees nothing. He goes back to the site and clicks "resend confirmation email". He goes back and checks his email again, but nothing is there. Wait. He may have an idea. He goes to the spam folder on his email and finds both emails there. He selects them both, clicks Not Spam, and confirms his account. Now he can log in! He does so and chooses the "rules" as his first thread to read. He opens it, starts reading one, then gets bored at Rule 2 and goes back to the main forum page. He scrolls down to the bottom. 128 Members currently online! His name is the first one in the list. "I must be really important or something, for me to be at the top of the list." *!*8TaKuA8*!*, who we will simply call Takua8 from now on, has a vanity problem. He believes that he IS in fact the most important person on the forums, in the world. He goes to a thread entitled "Physics in Bionicle". It was started by a member named iiBones. Strange name. It takes him 15 minutes to read the first post and only understands a few sentences. He reads a few of the following posts and decides to post something. "umm yeah i think that the fisics in bionicle were really wierd liek the time that mata nui fell over while walking!!!11!!!1!!" He clicks Post, the page reloads, but he doesn't see his post. His memory shoots back to when he saw something about "An Admin must approve your first 5 posts." Oh well. He closes the page. And now the fifth. (Just to let you all know, I'm not picking on the different members that I parody; I am merely putting them in for the comedy aspect. For example White Five (Black Six) only ever posts "Question answered, Thread Closed." because that is pretty much I ever see his real-life person post.): Day 125: He logs onto BZPower and goes to the thread he had posted in yesterday. It has his post, but then under it a small message saying: Make sure you have good spelling and grammar on the forums. ~White Five P.S. Question answered, Thread Closed. Wow. White Five himself! True, he got reprimanded, but who cares! White Five was the one that did the reprimanding! He posts a few more times in different threads. He tries to use better spelling and grammar. "A reprimand from White Five should not be questioned!" Takua8 says to himself. A few "liek"s fall through the cracks, though. He has now posted four times, and wanted to make his final post that had to be approved. He goes to a section called Completely Off Topic. Sounds like Takua8's kinda thing. "Describe the Username of the Member Before You" he clicked on that, read the short description of what to do, then went to the most recent post. It was done by a guy (or possibly girl) named Kpkmstr. Weird name. So he decides to post just that: "Weird name." After posting it, he realized that that's what most people say. "Gotta blend in!" It gets approved and he signs out. Here is the sixth chapter (I just realized that all my double posting has been put into one big post. Weird.): Day 127: Takua8 signs into the site again and notices a small red "1" on top of a picture looking like a envelope at the top of the page. He clicks it and it said Messenger. The message he had gotten was entitled "Grammar" and was from RataPui. He opened it and read: "I think your grammar is great. NO IT'S NOT! Yeah, I think so. Well, you're weird. No, I'm not. Are too. Am not. [This went on for a while.] Well, I think that your grammar and spelling could use a lot of work. But don't ask me, as I don't like english. Well I do! Yeah, he does. I guess you could ask him. Anyway- -RataPui" Takua8 felt very confused after reading this message. Was RataPui schizophrenic? No, that couldn't be it. He clicked on RataPui's name and read his about me page. It was two people. That's…strange. Why they didn't just get separate accounts was beyond him. At least he wasn't schizophrenic. Takua8 went back to his page and clicked the "Profile Stream" tab. He is instantly overwhelmed with what seemed like everyone on BZPower greeting him. Except they all said the same thing. )Takua( --> *!*8TaKuA8*!* Welcome to BZPower! Tell me if you need any help! iiBones --> *!*8TaKuA8*!* Welcome to BZPower! Tell me if you need any help! Kpkmstr --> *!*8TaKuA8*!* Welcome to BZPower! Tell me if you need any help! charge_alpha --> *!*8TaKuA8*!* Welcome to BZPower! Tell me if you need any help! McSmeagle4 --> *!*8TaKuA8*!* Welcome to BZPower! Tell me if you need any help! Takauju --> *!*8TaKuA8*!* Welcome to BZPower! Tell me if you need any help! (PLEASE LET ME GET SOME PROTO POINTS!!!!!) White Five --> *!*8TaKuA8*!* Question answered, Thread Closed. Well, maybe it wasn't EVERYONE on BZPower. But it was 6 people. But he didn't understand what White Five was saying. And what were proto points? He logged off and went back to what he should've been doing, school. Behold, Chapter 7: Day 128: After logging on, Takua8 went to the Completely Off Topic place again. He found a thread entitled "Doctor Who Series 10 Preview!" He really liked Doctor Who, so he clicked on it. There should've been a link there with a small description below. But instead of the link there was written "Question answered, Thread Closed. ~White Five. The original poster had been "Mr. Laughs is NOT of this World". Weird name. Takua8 wondered if he played Describe the Username of the Member Before You. He read a few posts, then came to one by an Admin by the username of ~Landrider~. It said: That link leads to a site that has a link to a site that has a link to a site that has a link to a site that has a link to a forum that has a link to a site that has a link to a site that has a link to a site that has a link to a forum that has a link to another forum that has a link to a site that MAY have a pop-up advert on it. Below that was a post by White Five saying: Question answered, Thread Closed. BUMMER. He really wanted to get a preview of the next series of Doctor Who. He posted a few more times in Lego Discussion before signing out.
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