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  1. ​Even though the corporate world have mostly forgotten about it, I know there are still people out there that remember and celebrate Thanksgiving. And that is one of the things I'm thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
  2. If you celebrated Thanksgiving today, what was the best food you had?
  3. Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I hope you all get to relax today with family and friends. And for those who don't celebrate the day, I hope you have a great day as well.
  4. Happy Thanksgiving! Whilst I’m busy keeping Tava away from all the pies, I’ve somehow found time to write another one of these things...and HOLY PLOT TWIST BATMAN, IT’S ACTUALLY NOT LATE! Have I been replaced with Mirror Universe Lewa0111 who writes comedies early? Thanksgiving 2014 Thanksgiving 2011 Anyway: To Catch a Gukko A BIONICLE comedy by Me! Part 2 of the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series 2015-2016 Turaga Dume watched from his Colosseum Box as the Onu-Matoran work crews continued to haul the massive pile of dirt out of the Colosseum, a leftover from the...interesting Halloween they’d had last month. The other Turaga, who he’d summoned, looked at him. “So, Turaga Dume, what do you need us for?” asked Whenua. “We need to decide what we’re doing for Thanksgiving,” he told the group. I want to make sure, for once, that none of our holidays are utter disasters. This time, Thanksgiving is going to be problem-free, wonderful, and an enjoyable time for all of Metru Nui!” Matau stepped forward, waving his staff excitedly. “I agree, that’s a great idea! We need a good one this year. Especially after the disaster that was this past Halloween--which had nothing at all to do with me, by the way--we need to make it extra-awesome! “It had EVERYTHING to do with you, and you know it!” said Nokama, bonking him over the head with her staff. “Which is why I grounded you.” “We’ve been over this! You can’t ground me!” Dume cleared his trout. Then, he cleared his salmon, his perch, and his goldfish. “What smells so fishy?” asked Onewa, looking up at Dume. With the leader of Metru Nui having finally gotten their attention, he announced, “Regardless of grounded-ness, I need all six of you to help. This has to be a surprise for everyone, even the Toa, so we do it ourselves. The task...is to catch a Gukko.” “Hey, that’s the title!” pointed out Vakama. “It’s all my fault that that’s the title! It’s all my fault--” As one, the other six Turaga yelled, “SHUT UP!” “ ” Vakama emoticonned. “That’s better. Anyway, this task will not be an easy one. You see, Gukko no longer live in Metru Nui. You might recall a certain recklessly-piloted vehicle careening through the air a few months ago, which terrified them all into fleeing the city.” “It almost terrified the rest of us, too…” muttered Onewa, with a pointed glance at Matau. “We’re too old for this.” “That’s what I told him,” Nokama pointed out. Matau, for his part, just stared up at the sky and started whistling in a vain attempt to look like he had nothing to do with the aforementioned incident. Attempting to get back on topic, Nuju addressed Dume. “Beep whirr, whistle beep whistle whistle click fweep toodle toodle toodle toodle toodle toodle toodle BONK!” “Hold on a second,” said Dume as he quickly grabbed a spare Noble Mask of Google Translate (a Kanohi resembling the Noble Rau, though with the colors of Google’s logo) and swapped it for his normal mask. “‘If you or your Gukko, ingest a city?’” Dume translated with the mask. “I don’t get it.” “FAWEEP BUZZ BOOT!” shouted Nuju, frustrated. “‘All I said?’ All you said what?” Nuju just facepalmed, then turned to Nokama. “Chatter click beep weird Rahi noises,” he said. With a sigh, Nokama activated her own (much more useful) mask and translated the first sentence Nuju had said. “Dume, he originally said ‘If the Gukko are no longer in the city, where can we find one?’ Your mask needs some work.” “Oh. That makes much more sense, thank you. And my mask is fine!” “ ” emoticonned the other six Turaga in unison. “Just you wait, next holiday I’ll have an even better custom mask…” Dume muttered. Then he cleared his toast, ignoring the bagel, bread, croissant, muffin, and pastry also needing to be cleared. “Ahem, getting back to Nuju’s original question, that is what makes this quest challenging. The Matoran Universe’s entire population of Gukko have since migrated to Mata Nui, up above us. The seven of us will need to ascend through the tunnels, emerge onto the island above, capture a Gukko, and return safely.” Onewa sighed. “Well, thanks just the same, we’ll be going then.” As he turned to leaves, the other Turaga just stared oddly at him. “Are we really stooping so low as to quote ourselves from Web of Shadows?” asked Whenua. “Yeah, and why did he turn into a pile of leaves, anyway? That was random,” Nokama pointed out. Matau shrugged. “Just leave him there.” Then he paused, waiting expectantly. “Get it? ‘Leave?’ Oh, never mind, you’re all too old for my humor, anyway.” “We’re all the same age. And you know it,” Nokama muttered under her breath. “Are you going senile?” “Yep!” exclaimed Matau. Then he frowned. “Wait, what does ‘senile’ mean, anyway? Is it a compliment?” Some time later, the Turaga (including a significantly-less-leafy Onewa) all stood on a boat just off the shore of Ga-Metru, watching Nokama ready the boat for sailing. “Yarr har har, ahoy mateys, me hearties, rum rum landlubbers walk the plank avast ye doubloons and swab the swashbuckler!” declared Nuju out of nowhere. “ ” the other Turaga emoticonned in unison. “Walk the plank, scalawags, yarrrrrrrrrrrr hoist the sails?” Nokama activated her mask for a moment. “He says, ‘What’s everyone staring at? You didn’t know I was bilingual?’” She shrugged. “No, I didn’t. Apparently he speaks Pirate too.” “ ” said Dume. “The more you know…” “Whatever, can we just continue? I’m getting impatient,” complained Matau. “I’m missing my favorite show!” Whenua rolled his eyes. “You’d expect after so many times, he’d get bored of watching himself on TV,” he whispered to Nokama. “For once--and I’m honestly shocked I’m saying this--I agree with Matau,” Onewa said. “Let’s go.” “ ” emoticonned Dume. “IT’S THE APOCALYPSE!” “AHOY ME HEARTIES ME MATEYS ME LANDLUBBERS!” Nuju put in. Suddenly, Vakama ran up from belowdecks. “It’s the apocalypse?” he asked. “Oh no! It’s all my fault it’s the apocalypse! It’s all my fault that--” He was stopped from going any further by Onewa grabbing a randomly appeared piece of pizza and shoving it into Vakama’s mouth. “Mmmmmph mmmm mmmmmmph mph mmph!” Nokama activated her mask, purely out of habit by now. “He said ‘It’s all my fault I can’t talk! It’s all my fault Onewa shoved pizza in--’” “You know? Somehow I think we could’ve figured that out ourselves,” Onewa said sarcastically. “Don’t you start.” “I will start...the boat, so we can get going,” Nokama said. With that, she swung down from the mast and landed perfectly onto the button to start the boat’s engines. What she hadn’t realized was that earlier, Matau had leaned on the speed lever, pushing it all the way to ‘Ludicrous’ speed. The panicked screams of six old geezers (and one old geezette) could be heard across all of Metru Nui. “‘Geezette?’ Really? That has to be the dumbest word I have ever heard in my life,” complained Whenua, a few minutes later. Why is it always the Onu-characters arguing with me? “I don’t know, or care, but I could do a much better job than you…” Oh, shut up. “If we’re quite done arguing with authors and breaking the fourth wall,” said Dume, “we’ve arrived.” Dizzy and nauseous, the seven Turaga stumbled off of the boat onto the sandy shores of Mata Nui. The only good thing about Nokama’s mistake was that it made the trip take much shorter than it otherwise would have. “Well, we’ve made it to Mata Nui,” Dume declared. “Yarr harr fiddle dee dee,” commented Nuju. This time, Nokama didn’t bother translating, as she was still sick from the trip. “Wahoo! Let’s go catch ourselves one fine-fresh Gukko!” shouted Matau. Onewa looked askance at him. “What? I’m excited. Also, ‘askance’ is a cool word.” “You know, technically we didn’t actually make it to Mata Nui, since we were technically already inside Mata Nui,” Whenua pointed out. Dume just glared at him. “You know full well what I meant. Mata Nui the island, not the Spirit.” The BZP member SPIRIT appeared out of nowhere. “Somebody talking about me?” he asked. “No.” said a randomly appeared Takanuva. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!” said an equally random Kopaka. “Somebody needs to get rid of all these time-comedy warp portals,” muttered Dume as he threw all three characters into one of said portals and slammed it shut. Matau bounced over to them. “Can we just get going? Let’s call it the ‘Island of Mata Nui’s Face’ and be done with it. Last one to the Gukko is a rotten egg!” The other Turaga all stared at one another. “Okay, first, eggs don’t exist in BIONICLE, and second, if we’re still living in Metru Nui and this island isn’t barren yet, shouldn’t we not know it’s Mata Nui’s face?” asked Onewa. “It’s a Lewa0111 comedy. Probably best not to think too hard about it,” Whenua pointed out. “Walk the plank, ye blubberbees, yaharr avast!” agreed Nuju wholeheartedly. Together, everyone followed the hyperactive Matau into the jungle. Well, almost everyone. “It’s all my fault we sailed too fast! It’s all my fault I’m sick! It’s all my fault eggs don’t exist in BIONICLE! It’s all my fault that it’s all my fault! It’s all my fault--” “HA! Gotcha,” declared Matau, slamming a randomly appeared net down on top of a Gukko. “Would you get off of me??” demanded the Gukko. “ OH MY MATA NUI A TALKING GUKKO!” exclaimed Matau, jumping backward and falling flat on his rear end. “Talking Gukko? Where!?” demanded the talking Gukko. Then it spotted a Gukko sitting next to it. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!” screamed the Gukko. The talking Gukko fell backward from fright, causing its Gukko-shaped mask to fall off and revealing…”Turaga Dume?” asked Matau. “What are you doing here? Why were you wearing a Gukko mask?” “Oh, this is my Kanohi Guhkko, the Mask of Gukko Birds,” he said, indicating the Gukko-shaped Kanohi he had been wearing over his regular mask. “It’s supposed to summon Gukko birds, but it doesn’t work too well.” The regular Gukko from a few paragraphs ago just sat on Dume’s head and laughed uproariously. “Where do you get all these awesome-cool masks, anyway?” “From Masks ‘R’ Us, of course! You should go there sometime. They have a nice deal right now on the Kanohi Ahspirin, the Mask of Pain Relief, which comes in handy whenever my back gives out. Like right now...ouch…” Matau shook his head. “Uh, no thanks, we need to find a Gukko! Hold still…” As he swung the net, the Gukko on Dume’s head squawked and took off. “I just told you I’m not a Gukko, you moron!” said Dume, annoyed. “Stop trying to catch me!” “Not you, there!” Matau excitedly pointed to the Gukko that had taken off. “FOLLOW THAT GUKKO!” Matau, though old, still knew how to navigate Le-Wahi, and he swung nimbly from branch to branch in pursuit of the flying Rahi. That is, of course, until he ran smack into Onewa. “Ouch. Matau, watch where you’re going. I nearly had that Gukko until you got in my way…” “With what?” Matau asked, indicating Onewa’s staff, which had a few pieces of string duct-taped to it haphazardly, only barely resembling a net if you turned your head sideways and squinted while holding a net in front of your face. “You honestly expect to catch a Gukko with that?” “Well, at least I have a net.” “What are you talking abou….” Matau’s voice trailed off as he looked down and realized he was no longer holding his net, just his distinctly string-less Kau Kau staff. “Still. Yours doesn’t even count as a net,” he quickly added, covering up his embarrassment. “Oh yeah? Want to fight me for it?” “You’re on! Arrrrgh!” “Arrrrgh!” The two Turaga charged at each other, though they had seemingly forgotten how old they were and that they couldn’t fight like they once had. Instead, their “fight” consisted merely of the two of them standing in front of each other, taking turns bopping one another over the head with their staffs while shouting insults. Actually, they were barely even insults. “You’re old!” “No, you are!” “No, you!” “No, you!” “No, you!” “No, you!” ...You get the idea. Fortunately for the un-spamminess of this comedy, Nokama quickly emerged from the underbrush, net tucked under her arm, and bopped both of them over the head with her trident. “You’re both old, we’re all the same age, you dolts! Anyway, that has got to be the most pathetic fight I’ve ever seen. Matau, you should know better by your age.” “Wait, if we’re both the same age, why am I the only one who should know better?” Matau complained. “Because Onewa hasn’t had the benefit of me attempting to teach him for however many years it’s been, that’s why. Now let’s get a move on, we’ve got a Gukko to catch here!” As a time-comedy warp portal started to appear, she added, “And no, that wasn’t copied from Star Wars, so if Obi-Wan’s about to lecture me about copyrights, please go away.” With a , the portal closed. “I didn’t know portals could use emoticons,” commented Onewa. Before he’d even finished saying this, another portal opened, from which emerged a large, one-eyed, yellow Rahi. Nokama’s eyes widened. “Drat, knew I’d forgotten something...Yikes!” She quickly ran away as Keetongu chased after her, the Rahi as usual upset because he had copyrights copyrighted. Matau and Onewa looked at each other, shrugging, before giving chase. “Oh, where’s Dume and his Mask of Random Portals when I need him,” complained Nokama as she ran away. Then, out of nowhere, the ground gave way and she, Keetongu, Matau, and Onewa slid down into a network of steadily descending tunnels. “I have to say, that was unexpected.” They all landed in a heap at the bottom of the tunnels, on the floor of a large cavern. Whenua was sitting in the middle, holding his drill proudly. “Well? Aren’t you going to thank me?” he asked. “Thank you? You didn’t exactly get rid of Keetongu, he’s still here,” Onewa pointed out. “Oh. Sorry. Hold on.” Whenua touched the drill with his ground. Nothing happened. “Uhh, I think you got that backwards,” Matau observed. Sheepishly, Whenua touched the ground with his drill. “Baaaahhh,” he added sheepishly, growing wool and dropping to all fours. A tunnel also opened up below Keetongu, and the yellow Rahi went sliding away. “Where did you send him?” asked Nokama. “Someplace he won’t be bothering us. Anyway, how’s the Gukko-hunt coming?” “Well, judging by our distinct lack of Gukko...not good,” Matau said. “Though I don’t see you helping!” Whenua just smiled, having finally gotten over his sheepishness from before. “What do you think I’m doing? I’m lying in wait. See?” He indicated the center of the cavern, across which a gigantic net had been stretched. Nokama facepalmed. “Whenua, have you gone completely senile?” “No, only I’m awesome enough to be senile! You’re cool, but not quite at my level,” Matau interjected. “Please, do us all a favor and shut up,” said the Turaga of Stone. “Whenua,” Nokama continued, “how on earth do you expect to catch a bird Rahi underground?” “I think you mean ‘how inside earth,’ seeing as we’re underground,” said Whenua, “and you need to have some faith. Underground is the best place to go, and the Gukko know it too!” If there was such a thing as an “Extra-Strength Facepalm,” Nokama was doing it now. “But they’re flying, bird Rahi. Something tells me they don’t have the same attitude toward being underground that you do...you’re wasting our time down here.” “Can we at least borrow your net?” asked Onewa. “No, and no!” protested Whenua. “Trust me! I know what I’m doing!” Nokama sighed, seeing as this conversation was going nowhere. “Have fun sitting down here empty-handed,” she told the Turaga of Earth, “we’re going aboveground, where the Gukko will all be--” Her jaw dropped as a flock of Gukko suddenly came whipping around the corner and through the caverns, straight toward Whenua’s net. “Okay, that has to be the single most unlikely thing in the history of...okay, no, second most unlikely. Matau being humble is still more unlikely.” “I am humble! Not my fault I’m the greatest Turaga-Geezer of all time! What does ‘humble’ mean again?” Whenua just smiled in triumph as the Gukko flock soared toward his net. “Unbelievers, you all laughed before, but look at me now! Told you I’d catch...a...Gukko...oh no.” The flock had hit his net all right, and hit straight through it as well. Evidently his net hadn’t been designed for a flock that big. “We’re going to need a bigger net.” “AFTER THOSE GUKKO!” shouted all four Turaga in unison, charging as fast as their legs would allow down the tunnel where the Gukko had disappeared. They ran for what felt like hours, though was actually only two minutes, as they quickly ran out of breath. “I hate being old,” groaned Whenua. “Back in our Toa days, I could’ve caught those Gukko in seconds!” bragged Onewa. “No way, I would have easily beaten you,” said Matau. “Can we please not start another wimp fight again?” Nokama said, interrupting them. “Maybe they’ll be stupid and run into a dead-end cavern, and we can still catch one. We don’t need the whole flock, after all.” Matau and Onewa looked at each other, then at Nokama, then back at each other. “Nah.” “Bet I catch more than you!” Matau crowed. “You’re on!” said Onewa, dodging the swarm of crows that had emerged from Matau’s mouth. “Wait, do those crows count as Gukko?” “ ” emoticonned Nokama. “...I’ll take that as a no…” The four Turaga hobbled, much slower this time, after the Gukko flock. A few times, Whenua tried to use his drill to trap the Gukko, but kept accidentally missing the ground. Eventually, they emerged from the earth into an area of stone, which Onewa really liked. Then they emerged from the area of stone to an area with a lot of groundwater, which Nokama really liked. Then they emerged from the area with a lot of groundwater to an area with breeze blowing through it, which Matau really liked. Then they emerged from the area with breeze blowing through it to an area made entirely of pie, which Tava probably would have liked, except that he isn’t in this comedy. Then they emerged from the area made entirely of pie to an area with sunlight, which Takanuva probably would have liked, but the Turaga didn’t, as it meant the Gukko had escaped from the tunnels. The four Turaga sat, blinking for their eyes to adjust, at the mouth of the tunnel, looking around at the distinctly Gukko-free landscape. “Well, that stunk,” said Onewa. “Will you stop quoting yourself? I already complained about that earlier today,” Whenua groaned. “You can quote yourself if you want, I don’t mind.” “How’s that supposed to help?” “Please, everyone, let’s just head back to the boat,” Nokama suggested. “At the very least, we can tell Dume there’s a flock flying around in unlikely places. Maybe he’s found it!” Having no better ideas, the other Turaga all shrugged and followed her back to the beach. There, they were greeted by an incredibly unlikely sight. Vakama was sitting on the boat’s prow, blaming himself to Keetongu, who was plugging his ears and trying to open up a portal, but apparently failing. “It’s all my fault I’m annoying you! It’s all my fault you can’t hear me anymore! It’s all my fault you have one eye! It’s all my fault…” But that wasn’t what they were shocked about. On a nearby rock, surrounded by the entire flock of Gukko in perfect formations, sat Nuju, chattering in his usual flying Rahi language. “Cheep whistle brzzt cheep cheep.” The Turaga of Ice noticed the others and waved to them. “Click clack clackity click beep!” “‘Wasn’t that fun!?’” demanded an incredulous Nokama, translating Nuju’s words. “Do you mean to tell me you could have done this at any time?” Nuju shrugged. “Bazt wheep whip whop.” “What do you mean, ‘it was funny?’ It most certainly wasn’t, you icy little--” “By the way, I can also speak Matoran just fine,” Nuju said. “WHAT!?” “ ” For once, it was Nokama who was angry. “You little--I can’t believe--what the--WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?!?!?!?!?” (Thanks to the overuse of time-comedy warp portals earlier in the comedy, Pohatu did not appear despite the use of question marks and exclamation points together.) Nuju just chuckled to himself. “As a Turaga, I’m not allowed to be a nerd anymore. How else am I supposed to have fun?” “I’m just mad because pulling pranks is my thing…” muttered Matau. “Either way, I found it quite hilarious, and we do have our Gukko. Shall we get going?” “YOU STUCK-UP TROLLING LITTLE ####### #####ING ########### I’M GOING TO ####### THE ######## RIGHT OUT OF YOUR ##### AND ## BECAUSE ###### UPSIDE-DOWN ################ ### PENGUINS ##### ### ######### ####### GUKKO BUCKETS #################################################### BANANA ### # ## # ######## #### # ITALIAN ###### ## ## ##### GIANT INFLATABLE MONKEY ####### ## ##### #### ### WITH #### ### AND ####### ON TOP!” screamed Nokama, as Matau, Onewa, and Whenua all held her back. “Uhh...I think that means ‘sure,’” said Whenua. Then Onewa bopped Nokama over the head with his staff, knocking her mask off and causing her to faint. “That works.” As they all boarded the boat, Nuju’s Gukko flock obediently landing on the railings, Matau grabbed Vakama and threw him belowdecks. A relieved Keetongu immediately turned and ran as fast as he could back into the jungle. “Believe me, Nuju, we’ll hear what Dume has to say about this,” declared a very annoyed Whenua. Then he looked around suddenly. “Wait, come to think of it, where is Dume, anyway?” Matau glanced up, eyes wide at the sudden realization. “Dume? Uhh...yes...about that…” Somewhere in the jungles of Le-Wahi, a certain Turaga wandered around aimlessly, a net covering his face and blocking his vision. “Hello? Anyone? Hellooooooo...get this thing off of me!” “Okay!” exclaimed a nearby Keetongu with a as he raised a randomly appeared club. “Wait, no, not you, that’s not what I--” THE END Bob the Word Counting Gukko: This comedy has 3,649 words. ~Happy Thanksgiving from Lewa# Studios! Lewa0111 Nuva
  5. As someone who tries to remind everyone that Thanksgiving exists between Halloween and Christmas, I'm usually okay with new Thanksgiving specials being made. When I think of the Lifetime Network doing a Thanksgiving special, I would think it would have some sort of family drama that would possibly end with someone being murdered. (Seriously, Lifetime movies have people die in them all the time these days.) But Lifetime, surprisingly, has never done a Thanksgiving themed special before. But that is going to change this month, as the following trailer shows what the network's first special for this holiday will be: No, your eyes are not deceiving you. This is a real thing. With on-screen narration done by the actor and rapper Ludacris,( ) I guess this will be a story about a family who finds these creatures in the woods and have them over for Thanksgiving. The creatures names are Burble, Squonk, Thrinng, and Zorp, BTW. This is not a joke, folks. The only shinning light to this is that this is based on a story written back in 1968 by Jim Henson (best known as the creator of the Muppets) and Jerry Juhl. Though obviously the story has been updated to present day. I heard that Jim Henson's works back in the day were good, so I guess that could help make this movie good too. But in Lifetime's hands, I have my doubts. I guess we'll see when this airs on TV. P.S. WHY IS THIS AIRING ON LIFETIME?!
  6. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! (Unless you live outside of America. In which case, happy end-of-November, everyone! (Unless you live outside of Earth. In which case, happy generic day for no reason, everyone! (Unless you live outside of existence. In which case, happy nothing, because you don’t exist! (Whoa, parenthesis within parenthesis. (This is so weird! (Okay, I’m done now. Sorry for getting carried away…)))))) Hopefully you all had a day free of insane pie-obsessed Matoran. The same, unfortunately, cannot be said for our favorite Bionicle comedy characters! So now I present to you the second installment of the revived Lewa# Studios Holiday Series for your listening reading enjoyment. Note: The previous Thanksgiving Day special, one of the few that survived the archives, can be found here if anyone is interested. A link to the previous comedies in this year's Holiday Series can be found at the end of the topic. Enjoy! A Thanksmatau Day Feast A BIONICLE comedy by Me! Part 2 of the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series 2014-2015 Turaga Nokama sighed for the 9,321st time that week as the unconscious costumed Toa Nuva were carted away by the Vahki. Matau was still laughing his mask off in the other room at his Madu-related prank, but Nokama was less than amused. “Matau,” she said, “what in Mata Nui’s brain possessed you to ruin yet another holiday? At your age, you really should have matured by now.” “But I am mature! Just because I’m mature doesn’t mean I can’t act like a little kid and pull pranks and be childish! ...Or does it? What does “mature” mean again?” “It’s times like these that I can’t tell if you’re senile or just dumb.” “If you must know, it was Whenua’s idea. Besides, Turaga Dume’s holidays ruin themselves without fail every single time. It’s not like I could possibly have made anything worse,” Matau pointed out, completely ignoring Nokama’s insult as usual. To add to his point, a large explosion echoed from the general direction of the Coliseum as the big pumpkin the Matoran had been attempting to stick on the top of the building spontaneously combusted for no apparent reason, raining pumpkin chunks everywhere. “See?” “PIE! I’ll make a Pumpkin Pie!!” shouted Tava, who had somehow awakened instantaneously due to the smell of potential pie ingredients. The Toa of Pie started running around hyperly, gathering all of the pumpkin pieces together to bake hundreds of pies, which he promptly ate. “Just promise me you’ll be on your best behavior for the next holiday. What is the next holiday, anyway?” “Let me see…” Matau pulled out the large stone tablet that Turaga Dume had chiseled the dates of all of his holidays for that year upon. “Hey, look at that! Next up is Thanksgiving! That’s one of my favorite holidays!” With a , Nokama asked, “Why Thanksgiving? Last year as I recall, you got beaten up by Keetongu. I’d think you would hate that holiday.” “Last year wasn’t too great, but I mostly like reminiscing about one of our earliest Thanksgivings. It was back when we were still Toa...back in the days of Ask Matau!...” Matau promptly fell asleep. So did Nokama a few minutes later due to the boredom of Matau being asleep. Luckily, however, when Nokama fell asleep, she accidentally landed on the Random Flashback Generator Button (a gift from Nixie some time before). The generator immediately flashed back to the very same holiday that Matau had mentioned in a remarkable coincidence. [FLASHBACK!] Toa Matau logged off of his computer and sat back in his chair. “Another hilarious episode of Ask Matau! finished!” he said contentedly. “So, Nokama, did you want to go out--” *SLAP!* “--go outside because it’s hot in here,” finished Matau with a . “Oh, oops...sorry! Whenua, do you mind?” asked Nokama. “No problem!” The Toa Metru of Earth lifted Matau up and threw him into the kitchen. A few minutes later, he came back out, wide awake, riding a wave of cheese with a very ecstatic Roporak surfing on said wave and shoveling cheese into his mouth. “There, he’s awake.” “What was that for!?!?!?!?!?” demanded Matau as he spat cheese out of his mouth. Pohatu appeared but was shoved back by the cheese wave into the time-comedy warp vortex before he could say his line. Whenua shrugged. “Like I said. You’re awake. Anyway, what should we do now?” “We could start another episode--” Matau began, but was cut off when he noticed Vohtarak had already taken the computer. “Or not.” “Why don’t you all go into the city and walk around for a while?” offered Keelerak. “We Visorak can watch the house.” “HA! No way, that sounds boring. I’d rather do...not-that.” “Well, I think it’s a great idea,” said Nokama. “Exploring Metru Nui is always fun.” Immediately Matau got excited. “Of course, that’s a brilliant idea! Let’s explore Metru Nui! That would be super fun and I always wanted to do that!” he exclaimed. “Let’s go let’s go let’s go!!” “ “ Keelerak emoticonned. “Whatever, we’ll see you three later!” * * * The three Toa Metru (or as Matau would put it, the Three Awesome Metru) walked through Le-Metru in the general direction of the Coliseum. Luckily, the Coliseum was so big, even Matau couldn’t get lost if he was looking for it. The streets, however, were oddly devoid of Matoran. “Where is everyone, I wonder?” asked Nokama. “I’m right here, duh,” said Everyone, a Po-Matoran with a weird name. “Are you wondering why I’m not at that feast, too? I figured there’s always next year.” “Feast?” asked Matau and Whenua at the same time. “No, but it sounds interesting,” Nokama said to Everyone. “This is the first I’ve heard of the feast. I guess we should check it out. Where is it?” “At the Coliseum. Or Colosseum. However you spell it. Bye!” Everyone left as randomly as he had come. “Food?” asked Matau and Whenua at the same time. Nokama looked at them. “Wow, you must be hungry if that’s all you can say…” she observed, after realizing that they hadn’t eaten all day due to the kitchen-destroying cheese tsunami from earlier. “Let’s get to the Coliseum and check out this feast.” “FOOD! YES THANK YOU NOKAMA YOU ARE AMAZING I LOVE YOU!!” Matau then tried to kiss Nokama, but the Toa of Water ducked and sent him flying four paragraphs ahead with a well-placed *SLAP!* “ “ emoticonned Whenua. “That was...violent.” “Eh, I’m having a bad day. Let’s just go.” The Toa continued onward until they got close to the Coliseum. From there, they could smell something very delicious wafting out from inside the building. “Mmm, that smells great!” “It’s all my fault there’s all this food! It’s all my fault it smells so good! It’s all my fault there’s so much pie!” said a voice from inside. “It’s all my fault that it’s annoying! It’s all my fault that it’s all my fault!” Surprisingly, it wasn’t Vakama who came out to greet them, however. Instead, it was Onewa, who quickly slammed the doors shut to muffle Vakama’s constant complaints. “Nokama! Just the Toa I wanted to see. Finally decided to ditch Matau? Great, then you can sit with me for the feast! No hard feelings, Whenua, but she’s mine now--MMMMMMF!” The “MMMMMMF!” was because at that moment, Matau had flown in from four paragraphs ago and landed on top of the Toa of Stone. Matau looked down at the flattened Onewa. “Oh, good, it wasn’t anyone not-annoying.” He stood up and brushed himself off. “Ouch…” “Yeah, sorry about that. I guess I hit a little too hard,” apologized Nokaam. “Wait, don’t tell me the Kraata of Letter Control was invited, too!” “Of course I was!” said the aforementioned kraata, slithering over the unconscious Oonywah. “That’s right!” added Turaga Dume who had come outside to see what was going on. “Everyone who is anyone is here! But not anyone who is Everyone, unfortunately. I asked, but he didn’t seem interested.” “Yeah, we met him already. Can we come?” “Sure! You’re everyone who is anyone, but not Everyone! Of course you’re invited!” “I’m confused…” muttered Matau as they walked inside. * * * Upon entering the Coliseum/Colosseum/whatever, the three Toa Metru were assaulted by all kinds of smells (mostly food), sights (Vakama annoying Nuju into unconsciousness, Tava running around like a maniac eating pies, Vahki looking forlonrly at the food they were unable to eat due to being robots, the Kraata of Letter Control making me spell “forlornly” wrong a few words ago), sounds (Tava’s omnipresent shout of “PIE!”, the grunts of random Rahi that had also been invited, the squish of pies being flung into Tava’s open mouth), and other things. A massive ringed table had been set up in the center of the building, but unfortunately, only the outer part of the ring was being used due to the table being so wide that no one could reach the inside without stepping in a lot of the food. “Well,” said Whenua, “let’s eat!” He, Matau, and Nokama found three empty seats in a row, in between a Kraata of Emoticons and Random Matoran #35. ”I call middle!” shouted Matau, sitting in the middle chair. “Ouch!” yelled Minifigure Kongu, who Matau had just accidentally sat on. “Watch where you put your butt!” “Oops,” said Matau with a , as he started sprouting wool, walking on four legs, and generally turning into a sheep. Nokama just sighed. “Guess he’s sheepish again.” “ *rimshot* “ rimshotted Random Matoran #35. “Nah, it’s okay, I can move. I was getting annoyed about not being able to see the food, anyway,” said Minifigure Kongu as he hopped up onto the table and took a seat on a dinner roll. Or, rather, a Dinner Roll Pie, since every food on the table was actually made in pie form. Whenua stared after the sheepish Matau. “Guess we have to wait for him to be done, then….” * * * Several minutes later, Matau had un-sheepified himself and sat down between Nokama and Whenua. “Sorry, I was sheepish,” he said, “what did I miss? Ooh! Food!” Matau immediately began grabbing slices of the many, many pies on the table. “Not much, to be honest. Just randomness, as usual. Minifigure Kongu fell into a Gravy Pie, Tava had to be restrained with a straightjacket made of Antipie over in the corner, and somebody accidentally invited the Piraka for no reason, so they’ve been stealing everyone else’s pies. Other than that, it’s been pretty normal.” “...” ellipsed Matau, the only reasonable response to such a description. “Huh. Oh well!” He immediately began digging in to all the food. “Hey, use your own Toa tools!” complained Whenua, snatching his drills back from Matau who had been using them to dig with. “But Air Katana aren’t as good at digging!” Just then, Nokama noticed Turaga Dume attempting to get everyone’s attention up on his elevating platform thing. However, he appeared to be performing some sort of weird charades. “Guys, look!” “ “ emoticonned Whenua, growing an afro on his head. “ “ agreed Matau. Nokama stared at the two Toa in puzzlement for several moments, and then noticed the nearby Kraata of Emoticon Control. “That does it,” she groaned, and summoned a massive waterspout beneath said kraata’s chair, sending the creature flying into the next year. “Thank you,” said Whenua. “What’s Dume doing?” Dume went into a flurry of hand motions that resembled the Chicken Dance before launching into something much like the Macarena, which looked especially weird without music. Then there was a sudden commotion from somewhere behind the Three Awesome Metru, and Nuparu jumped up from inside a maintenance hatch in the floor, his mask askew and covered in engine oil. “Sorry, Dume! I didn’t realize--hang on!” He then ducked back in and seemed to be rummaging around, tossing out various random objects including an old Olmak, a few protodermis canisters, a two-headed Tarakava, a Bohrok, and a paperclip. As soon as the paperclip flew away, an earsplitting screech echoed through the area. “OWWWW!” screamed Matau. “WHAT THE KARZAHNI IS THAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?” A cheese-covered Pohatu appeared and said his usual line, but no one could hear him over the racquet. He jumped off the tennis racquet and repeated his line. “By the way, I love exclamation points and--” “DON’T USE THAT JOKE!” shouted Matau, shoving him back through the time-comedy warp vortex. With a , Pohatu vanished. “Sorry, sorry!” yelled Nuparu, making a few more adjustments to the whatever-it-was beneath the floor. Finally, the screeching stopped, and Turaga Dume’s voice echoed through the building: “AHEM! Testing, 1, 2, 3...Is this thing on? Mega-Muaka-mauled-a-mob-of-mighty-Mukau. Oh good, it’s working!” Seeing everyone staring up at him with an expression resembling the “blink” emoticon on their faces, he quickly continued, “Sorry about that, we’ve been having issues with Nuparu’s new sound system all day. Anyway, welcome to the first ever Metru Nui Thanksgiving feast!” “Hey, didn’t the first feast already happen? Or...happen in the future? Or whatever? I’m pretty sure Takanuva went nuts, everyone went on quests to find various food items, and lots of shenanigans involving pie happened,” shouted Random Matoran #35. “Right, first, that originally happened, but it is no longer canon since the comedy got deleted in the BZP archive purge, so it doesn’t count. And second, no breaking the fourth wall.” “HYPOCRITE!” shouted Random Matoran #35. A hippo inside a crate suddenly landed on his head. “ “ he emoticonned. “I said hypocrite, not hippo crate!” The hippo-in-crate disappeared as randomly as it had come. Dume cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention again. “So, yes, anyhow. I’m pleased to announce this new holiday and I think it is important that we all celebrate things. So let’s eat!” In a move that shocked everyone (but no one more than Nokama), Matau of all people raised his hand to interrupt, rather than just continuing to eat like crazy. “Hey Dume, you didn’t explain what this holiday is for, anyway!” “ “ Dume emoticonned. “Matau!?” Nokama put one foot on the time-comedy warp vortex that was about to open before Pohatu could reuse his joke from earlier. “Yeah, I’m surprised too...who are you and what have you done with Matau Metru?” “Calm down, everyone, can’t I ask a question once in a while? Artakha, people, come on!” Artakha, who had been ignored by everyone up until now but was indeed at the feast, looked up from a mouthful of pie. “What?” “Not you, I just said ‘Artakha’ as an expression. I wasn’t calling your name.” “Oh. That’s confusing as all Karzahni…” “WHAT!?” demanded Karzahni, halfway through an Evil Pie. “Not you, I just said ‘Karzahni’ as an expression. I wasn’t calling your name.” “Oh,” said Karzahni. “Artakha! That’s hard to follow.” “What?” asked Artakha. “Not you, I just said--” “ENOUGH ALREADY!” demanded Dume, cranking the volume on the sound system up to full blast and cutting off the overly-long joke. “Also, no swearing in BIONICLE. Let’s get back on topic. To answer your question, Matau, this is a holiday commemorating...something, I’m not sure what, but basically we are thankful for everything in our lives. Thankful for this city, this building, the pie on our plates, the pie in our stomachs, the Matoran who work to keep everything running, the Toa who protect us, the--” “Hey,” Matau interrupted again. “What was that last one?” “‘The Toa who protect us?’” Nokama facepalmed. “Oh no, I know where this is going…” she groaned. Beside her, Whenua rolled his eyes and nodded in agreement. “That’s a great idea!” said Matau, getting up from the table and walking over to where Nuparu was still fiddling with his machinery. “I think we should focus completely on that. Hey Nuparu, can I borrow your sound system for a minute?” “No,” said Nuparu. “Okay, great.” Matau grabbed a spare microphone from out of Nuparu’s hands and addressed the audience: "Huh?" asked the audience. Oh, sorry. My bad. Matau grabbed a spare microphone from out of Nuparu’s hands and spoke to the audience: “I definitely like your idea, Dume, don’t get me wrong, but doesn’t that seem like a lot of stuff to worry about being thankful for? I have a better idea: we should use this day to be thankful for one thing in particular. The Toa who protect us, as you said! Or, three of those Toa in particular. We should use this day to be thankful for the Three Awesome Metru: my super-cool best friend Whenua, the totally hot Nokama, and the greatest Toa-Hero of all time, me! Toa Mat--” *SLAP!!* The “slap heard ‘round the city” echoed through the Coliseum, magnified by the microphone Matau was still holding. “You really should have seen that one coming,” Nokama muttered. “I...didn’t...think… “ said Matau. Whenua walked over to Nokama and Matau, looking down at the barely-coherent Toa of Air. “Uh-oh...anybody on hand to heal him?” Tava ran out of the kitchens with several pies in his hands. As he ran, he ate all but one of the pies. “Pie!” exclaimed the pie-obsessed Matoran, holding aloft his last pie. “I made a Panacea Pie!” As they all watched, he pied Matau in the face with it, instantly healing the Toa of Air. “I’m gonna go make a Thanksmatau Pie, see you later!” He immediately dashed back into the kitchen, chanting decimals of pi to himself as he did so. “Wow, that was great! Good job, weird pie-obsessed Matoran!” He looked around at the assembled crowd. “Actually, that gave me an idea.” “We should thank Tava for healing you?” offered Nokama. Matau scoffed. “Of course not, that’s ridiculous, and who’s ‘Tava’ anyway? No, I have an idea for the new holiday! From now on, I declare that this holiday will no longer be called ‘Thanksgiving,’ because that was a stupid name anyway (and actually is a hilarious swear word in Chutespeak, but never mind that). Instead, it will be called ‘Thanksmatau Day!’ A day where everyone goes around and thanks me (and the other two Awesome Metru) for helping protect the city, control elements, and generally be awesome.” Dume’s jaw dropped and stayed there for several seconds. “That...is the single dumbest thing that has ever come out of your mouth, Matau. And that’s saying something!” Matau shrugged. “Hey, at least it’s better than your last maybe-non-canon attempt at a Thanksgiving feast…” “A fair point, but still.” Just then, a flying vehicle zoomed so fast through the building that it crashed through the wall. Matau and the others barely had time to register Kongu behind the controls with a screaming Tamaru behind him before the vehicle crashed into the far wall, landing on the ground and skidding directly toward Vakama. “AAH!” screamed the Toa Metru of Fire. “It’s all my fault that vehicle is crashing! It’s all my fault Tamaru’s scared! It’s all my fault I’m gonna die! It’s all my fault I’m in the way!” Matau, more because Vakama was annoying him and he thought Kongu was cool rather than particularly wanting to save the annoying Toa, summoned a tornado that grabbed the vehicle and lifted it up, setting it down safely outside the building’s entrance (and on top of the still-unconscious Onewa, incidentally). “Never fear!” said Matau, striking a stereotypical superhero pose. “I, Toa Matau, have saved the day again as usual! Now you have something else to thank me for!” “Wow,” said Vakama, wiping his nonexistent brow at the near-miss. “Thanks, Matau!” “ “ gasped everyone. “He said something other than ‘It’s all my fault!’” “I thought you said you weren’t coming!” Dume demanded of Everyone, who just shrugged and grabbed a pie to eat. “It’s all my fault I said something besides ‘It’s all my fault!’” whined Vakama. “It’s all my fault Matau saved the day! It’s all my fault Everyone is here!” Kongu and a petrified Tamaru walked in (well, Kongu walked in, Tamaru just sort of shuffled in out of fear). “Thanks for the save-rescue, Matau,” said Kongu. “Yeah...th-th-thanks for p-permitting-letting me n-not die!” agreed Tamaru. Nokmaa rolexed her eyeyeys. “Oh, great. The last thing we need is people supporting this crazy Matau holiday. AND YOU’RE NOT HELPING!” she added, glaring at the kraata of letter control. “It’s all my fault I thanked Matau! It’s all my fault I’m supporting this holiday! It’s all my fault that it’s all my fau--” Matau promptly knocked Vakama out with a randomly appeared rubber mallet. “THANKS, MATAU!” shouted everyone in the entire building, relieved at not having to listen to Vakama any longer. “Awesome!" said Matau. “This is getting off to a great start, don’t you agree?” Nokama just looked at Whenua, who had his head in his hands. “Let’s just go home and pretend this never happened, okay?” “I completely agree,” said Whenua. As the two Toa Metru turned to leaf, Matau noticed them. “Uh, Nokama, Whenua, have you looked at yourselves lately?” Leaf-Nokama and Leaf-Whenua looked down at themselves and indeed noticed that they had each transformed into a giant Toa-shaped leaf. “Weird…” said Leaf-Whenua. Brutaka accidentally stepped on the kraata of letter control, and the Toa Metru immediately transformed back to normal as they turned to leave. “That makes slightly more sense. But where are you going?” “Matau, this holiday of yours has gotten out of control. We were all having fun until you came along!” “Talk-speak for y-y-yourself…” muttered a still badly-shaken Tamaru. “Well, I like Thanksmatau Day! I think it’s a great holiday.” Whenua shook his head. “I think it would be more fun if we went back to your house and hung out there. Too many not-awesome people.” Just then, Nuju wandered past, babbling about grammar, calculus, and other extremely nerdy things that no one cared about. “See what I mean?” Matau looked at Nuju, Vakama, and the squished Onewa outside, who was just beginning to walk toward Matau with a very angry look on his face. “Hmm...good point. They do diminish my awesome Toa-Hero self. Okay, let’s go!” The Toa of Air jumped onto the crashed vehicle from earlier, smacked it across the dashboard, and it immediately rose up into the air. “Hop on!” “There is no way we’re riding in that,” commented Nokama. “Why can’t we just walk?” “Walking takes too long, for one, and it’s too boring for someone like me, for two. No need to thank me! Actually, there is a need to thank me, it’s Thanksmatau Day after all!” “I’m going to regret this…” muttered Nokama as she and Whenua climbed onto the vehicle. * * * *CRASH! BANG! SMASH! BAZOOK! CHUGALABANIGERF!* Three very dazed Toa Metru stumbled out of the vehicle’s wreckage and into Matau’s house. “I knew we should have walked…” muttered Nokama. “Let’s do that again sometime...” said Matau, still half-conscious. “Muaka...penguin...pizza…” gibberished Whenua. However, all three of them were instantly snapped back to their senses when they opened the door. The entire house was drenched in cheese, which upon further inspection had been used to fill a massive pie crust the size of Matau’s living room and kitchen combined. Atop the pie stood Tava and Roporak, who were apparently trying to figure out how to fit their massive creation into the oven. “CHEESE PIE!” Roporak shouted excitedly. “Like it?” “ “ emoticonned the three Toa. [/END FLASHBACK!] Back in the present, Matau woke up as the flashback generator ran out of batteries and powered down. “Huh? What? Darn whippersnappers always on my lawn! Back in the old days, we didn’t have lawns!” “Matau, we still don’t have a lawn,” Nokama pointed out. “Oh. Right,” he said. “Well, the moral of the story is: never leave Visorak unattended!” “What?” asked Turaga Whenua, shuffling into the room. “What are you talking about?” “I have absolutely no idea. But it’s Thanksmatau Day soon, so we should get ready! Where are all those pictures of me as a Toa?” Nokama sighed. “Some things never change….” THE END Bob the Word Counting Gukko: This comedy has 3,859 words. ~Happy Thanksgiving from Lewa# Studios! Halloween Special 2014 Lewa0111 Nuva
  7. Hello everyone! At long last, I finally finished a (belated) Thanksgiving special! Would have gotten it up earlier but I was stuck with writer's block about halfway through it. Ah well, it's there anyway. Check it out! On a somewhat related note, the Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Solstice/Naming Day/whatever season is upon us, and I've decided to do something a little different this time around. On the way home from work the other day, I had some Christmas songs playing and I found myself absent-mindedly singing the lyrics to "Billy the Off-Color Pie," "The 12 Days of TNI," "The First No 'L'," and "Jingle Judge," among others. You know what that means... The TNI Christmas Story Arc is returning! Yeah, I decided it was high time I got off my butt and went back to Lewa and the gang, just in time for the holidays. I'll be finishing up the last chapter of the pie saga and then getting right into the holiday spirit! I'm sure that wasn't the actual order of things in the original, but it's lost anyway so who cares? Time for some TNI this holiday season! Of course, I still plan to write a regular holiday one-post on the day itself (or as close as I can), but this will give me more motivation to keep going with TNI. Check back for updates and have a great holiday season, everyone! Lewa0111 Nuva
  8. TNTOS

    Happy Thanksgiving

    I just wanted to wish all my fellow BZPers in the United States a happy Thanksgiving. I hope everyone takes the day to reflect on what they are thankful for, as well as enjoy the time they may spend with their family, friends, and food. I know I will. -TNTOS-
  9. Eyru

    Happy Thanksgiving!

    This goes out to all y'all Americans as well as my fellow Canadians. Don't ever forget to be thankful, eh?
  10. After a day spent chasing Tava away from all of the pies, I finally found time to get back to BZPower! As promised, here's the first new installment in quite some time of the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series. This is the "sequel" of sorts to the original Thanksgiving special, which has sadly been lost to the archives. Enjoy, and Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Another Metru Nui Thanksgiving Part of the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series Chapter 1 of 1: Turaga Always Have Terrible Ideas A year had passed since the disastrous attempt by Turaga Dume to have the population of Metru Nui celebrate Thanksgiving. Dume, along with the other six Turaga (and the ghost of Turaga Lhikan for some random reason), were sitting around Vakama's firestaff warming themselves in the Turaga Lounge on the top floor of the Coliseum. Vakama was ironing his dentures as usual, and the others were sharing long-winded, pointless stories about the past. "And then, after the mines collapsed," Whenua was reminiscing, "we had to dig our way out both ways, uphill, through seven feet of snow! Wouldn't you know it, a Rahi was sitting on my head the entire time too! Then, we..." Whenua trailed off and fell asleep with a snore. The others looked at each other blankly. "Well, now what?" asked Nokama. "Oh, come off it! We have plenty to do today!" Dume told the others. "You young whippersnappers don't understand the importance of things in this day and age! Why, when I was your age..." "Who are you calling 'young?'" asked Onewa. "And today is just like every other day, except that I'm here, since being dead has been so boring lately," Turaga Lhikan's ghost said. "What do you possibly mean, Dume?" "I mean that one year ago today, I declared a new holiday on Metru Nui: Thanksgiving!" " " emoticonned all of the other Turaga except for Whenua, who was still asleep. "The last thing any of us want to remember is that catastrophe of a day," Matau put in. "Now, my idea of declaring June 17th International Matau Day was much better!" Nokama bopped him over the head with her trident. Dume shook his head. "It was only a catastrophe because of Takanuva. Not to mention hosting it in the Coliseum with the entire population of Metru Nui was probably a bad idea. This time, I plan to invite only select guests, and I've already booked Thanksgiving dinner at a very recommended location!" "Where, Dume?" asked Lhikan's ghost. "This hotel near the Moto-Hub. What was it called again? 'The Noto Inn?' No...'The Natu Inn?'" "It wasn't The Nuva Inn, was it?" asked Onewa. "Yes, that's it! The Nuva Inn! Lewa Nuva highly recommended it to me!" All of the other Turaga groaned. "This is just another disaster waiting to happen," muttered Nokama. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Toa Mahri Jaller was busily pacing back and forth in front of the entrance to Ta-Metru when Turaga Vakama walked toward him. "Halt!" Jaller demanded. "I need to see your identification." "You don't need to see my identification," said Vakama kenobishly, waving his firestaff in front of Jaller. "What are you, a Jedi? And 'Kenobishly' isn't a word!" "It was worth a try, I suppose. Anyway, I've been trying to find you everywhere, Jaller! What are you doing pacing back and forth in front of this random entrance for absolutely no reason?" Jaller shrugged. "Guarding," he responded. "Although, admittedly, there isn't much to guard here. It's not as if we get random Rahi attacks periodically here in Metru Nui like we did in Mata Nui..." "Have you ever thought about taking up another profession?" "Like what?" "Like...erm...oh, never mind. I came here to give you this note from Turaga Dume." Vakama handed Jaller the rather large tablet. Jaller read the inscription. "An invite to another Thanksgiving feast? Why in Mata Nui's name would I want to go to another one of those? Remember how well the last one went?" Vakama sighed. "Unfortunately, I do remember, all too well. Regardless, Dume's only inviting a select group of people, so you really ought to attend." With that, Vakama shuffled away somewhere. Jaller looked over the tablet again, pondering his decision. "Might as well bring Hahli, then," he eventually said to Himself. "At least with her around things will be a little more enjoyable." "Why are you telling me this?" wondered Himself, a random Ta-Matoran with a weird name who was walking nearby. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Krekka, having inexplicably forgotten to die in Legends of Metru Nui due to his sheer stupidity, was wandering Po-Metru, wearing turnips on his head. Turaga Lhikan's ghost materialized in front of him. "Krekka, as much as I don't want to say this, Dume wanted me to invite you to--" "AAAAH! A GHOST!! MOMMY!!" screamed Krekka, throwing all of the turnips at Lhikan and running as fast as he could away from the ghost. Then he ran smack into a sculpture and fell flat on his back. Lhikan drifted over to him. "Just take this and show up for Dume's Thanksgiving celebration, okay?" He dumped a huge tablet on Krekka's head, then floated away. "Of all the people, I had to get stuck inviting him," he muttered. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Turaga Dume entered The Nuva Inn with several of his invitation tablets. "Hello, Toa Nuva," he announced. "I'm here to invite you to--" "Yeah, yeah, we already know," grumbled Lewa. "You already came here to book the reservation!" "Yes, but I'm here to invite you as guests!" Lewa shook his head. "If we're the guests, then who's going to run the place while we're celebrating Thanksgiving? Besides, I remember how well your last attempt went. I have absolutely no desire to celebrate that holiday again." Dume sighed. "Very well." He then checked his invite list. "Oh well, off to invite the Running Jokes to join me!" He then left the Inn. "That was completely pointless, wasn't it?" asked Kopaka. "No," replied Takanuva. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nuju sat down in front of a computer set up in one of the Knowledge Towers. "Beep bewoop boop bizeet," he muttered to himself as he started the computer. "Beepity buzz zip weird sound click twirr!" Nuju then opened the Internet and logged in to BZPower, where he posted his 'translation' of Dume's invite: "Beep click, buzzap whirr boop frwee! Click clack whirrity beep weird sound twirr click! Boop beep bizz boop whirr. Whistle click." Satisfied, Nuju posted the topic and waited for a while. After about twenty minutes, he refreshed the General Discussion forum and looked at the single reply he had gotten: "IceRahiSpeaker, this post is completely made up of nonsensical gibberish. At BZPower, such a post is considered SPAM. Please refrain from doing this in the future. Topic Closed." " " Nuju emoticonned. "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPP!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Several days later, Dume had finally gathered all of the guests in the restaurant area of The Nuva Inn, which had been specially reserved for that day. Instead of sending the Toa Nuva on quests to obtain all of the food, he had instead gotten it catered there from some random place. At the insistence of the other Turaga, he had also hired Avak to stand guard should Takanuva go insane again, but luckily, thanks to a strange incident with a Vahi, Takanuva had remained normal since shortly after the previous year's celebration. Everyone sat down to eat. "Hey! It isn't time to eat yet!" exclaimed Random Matoran #35, and Everyone hurriedly stood up. "Sorry," murmured Everyone. "He wasn't even invited this year! Get out!" Dume pointed out. "Somebody get rid of him." "It'll be a pleasure!" Onua Nuva said, quoting his line from Mask of Light, as he lifted Everyone up and tossed him out the window. "Much better, thank you," Dume said. "Anyway, speaking of thanks, I'd like to welcome all of you to the Second Annual Metru Nui Thanksgiving Feast! This year is going to be a bit smaller than last time, due to the minor difficulties that we had last year--" "Understatement of the millennium," muttered Turaga Matau. "--Right, anyway, welcome all! I'd like to thank Mata Nui, for existing, you, for coming here, the Toa Nuva, for hosting us in their restaurant/inn, and Lewa0111, for typing this comedy." " " the rest of the guests emoticonned. Dume shook his head. "Never mind. Now that I've said what I'm thankful for, let's sit down and eat!" All of the guests sat down at the rather large table. "Duuuuuuuuuuuhh...now what?" asked Krekka, staring stupidly at his empty plate.The rest of the table collectively facepalmed. Luckily for their continued sanity at having to deal with Krekka, the Toa Nuva entered with plates full of Thanksgiving foods, such as roast Gukko, Bula Berry sauce, mashed potatoes (discovered in Hydraxon's lair the previous year), and, naturally, pies. In fact, everything was a pie, including the aforementioned non-pie items. In addition, there were exactly 3.14 plates of everything. "Well, this is strange," muttered Turaga Nokama. "Who's in charge of cooking these things, anyway?" "BURN STUFF!!" came a shout from the general direction of the kitchen, followed by a huge waterfall drenching everything in the vicinity. A shout of "PIE!" followed shortly after. Then, the kitchen door burst open, followed by a sopping wet Tahu, a smiling Gali, and an ecstatic Tava. Tava then pulled out a gigantic stack of even more pies and tossed them onto the table. There were pies of every imaginable type: pumpkin pies, apple pies, bula pies, Thornax pies, Oreo pies, fishlightstonestatue pies, pie pies, pi pies, Everything Pies, and Tahu's specialty, Fire Pies. "All right, let's leap! said Turga Udem, taking a book of his food and wallowing it. " " he emoticonned. The Rahkshi of Letter Control simply burst out laughing and changed all of the pies on the table to IEs. Tava, however, was undaunted, and simply baked all of the IEs into an Internet Explorer Pie, which he then served to the RLC. He then ran back into the kitchen to bake even more pies. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ At last, all of the assembled beings had finally gotten around to actually eating. The problem of how to eat with Kanohi masks on was solved by the guests alternating taking their masks off, passing out, and having others feed them food then putting the masks back on to revive them. The guests all took turns doing this, and though it resulted in quite a few falling Matoran, broken chairs, and general messiness, all agreed that it had been a step up from the previous year's celebration. "I'm stuffed," groaned Jaller. "Then don't eat any more, silly!" replied Hahli, sitting next to him. The reason they hadn't been mentioned at all until now was because they were too busy being romantic. "Duuuuuuuuuuuhhhh...where's the cauliflower pie?" asked Krekka, despite the fact that he actually didn't even like cauliflower. "Anybody want more pie?" asked Tava, walking out of the kitchen with a gigantic stack of 9,321 pies of various flavors. "I've got fresh-baked ones right here!" The entire table shook its head. "What, no pies for you, table?" "You can't even talk!" Turaga Vakama protested to the table. "Oh, right," the table observed. " " it emoticonned. Tava just smiled. "Oh, well! I guess that just means more for me!" With a , he ate the entire stack of pies in one bite. Then he proceeded to eat everyone else's leftovers, as wellllllllllllllllll, including the Rahkshi of Letter Control's. " " Turaga Vakama emoticonned. "Well, that explains why he's wider than he is tall..." "I wish I could eat," mused Lhikan's ghost as he drifted around the room. "I've always wanted to taste pie." "PIE! I made a Ghost Pie!" exclaimed Tava, holding up a blue, glowing pie and pieing Lhikan's ghost in the face with it. Lhikan pulled the pie off of his face and ate it. To his surprise, this actually worked. "Cool! " he said excitedly. "I can eat something again!" "Hey, that's my line! I have it copyrighted!" shouted an angry Turaga Matau, chasing Lhikan with his staff. "And I have copyrights copyrighted!" Keetongu rose from his seat, accidentally knocking over the entire table to chase after Matau, who was chasing after Lhikan. Matau finally caught up to Lhikan, but passed right through him owing to Lhikan being a ghost, and fell flat on his face. Keetongu then started beating Matau up for stealing his copyrighted copyrights. " " emoticonned the rest of the guests and TNI's staff. Dume shook his head. "Why can't Metru Nui learn to celebrate Thanksgiving normally?" "The world may never know," answered Random Matoran #35. THE END ~Lewa# Studios Lewa0111 Nuva
  11. I am going to be very full after tonight. -CM
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