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Happy Naming Day, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, happy regular do-nothing day in case you don’t celebrate, happy whatever I might have missed. Kwanzaa? Anyway, enjoy the latest entry in the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series! Christmas 2001 Christmas 2014 Toa Santa’s Recruiting Adventure A BIONICLE comedy by Me! Part 3 of the Lewa# Studios Holiday Series 2015-2016 After many arduous journeys, the Toa Nuva had arrived on the island of Mata Nui once more, following the directions in the instruction booklet from the Great Temple. None of them were quite sure why they were on Mata Nui, but they figured it had to be important or it wouldn’t have been written in the booklet. “What does it say, Tahu?” asked Lewa impatiently. “‘Awakening Mata Nui for Dummies,’” Tahu read aloud. Gali facepalmed. “We know what the book is called, Yahu. He meant what does it say inside the book?” “Fine, whatever, Google,” said Tahu, intentionally mispronouncing her name. “No, her name’s Gali,” said Pohatu. Completely missing the point as usual. “Nobody asked your opinion, Bing,” Tahu shot back. “AND I AM NOT YAHOO!” “Wait, what?” Onua stormed into the center of the arguing Toa and snatched the book from Tahu’s hands. While the others (except Gali) shielded themselves from the storm that was now pouring rain on their heads, he opened the book and read the directions. “‘Step 1: Signal the Bohrok.’ Wait, what!?!?!?” “By the way, my name’s NOT BING!” shouted a rather confused Pohatu. “Uh, guys?” asked Onua. “Did anyone actually hear what I just said? ...Lewa? ...Kopaka?” Unfortunately, however, when he glanced over at said Toa, they had already joined in the pointless search-engine-name-calling argument. “‘Ask Jeeves??’ Are you trying to offend-insult me? And you, About.com, you’re just sitting over there silent-quiet as usual…” “What. Did. You. Call. ME!?” demanded Kopaka. Onua sighed and sat down on a nearby log. This would take a while. Some time afterward, on the island of Hara-Nui where Toa Santa’s workshop was located, there was a bustle of activity all of a sudden. The red-armored Toa glanced up from his desk and looked out the window to see all of his Bohrok helpers suddenly start dashing through the snow toward Metru Nui. “That’s not right...where are you all going?” he asked nobody in particular. Nobody In Particular, a Po-Matoran, popped his head out of the snow nearby. “Hey, somebody call my name? Where am I and how did I get here, anyway?” “No, I didn’t call your name, sorry Nobody,” said Toa Santa as he continued walking. “Nobody’s my cousin. I’m Nobody In Particular.” “You know what? I’m not doing this right now.” Leaving the oddly-named Po-Matoran behind, Toa Santa started running faster when he saw the last of the Bohrok stragglers leaving the scalpy island. “Wait! Stop! COME BACK!” Kohrak-Kal, who was the very last Bohrok in the crowd, turned to look at him for a second. “The signal is active. We must clean it all.” Then, with a burst of sonics, the Bohrok-Kal zoomed ahead to catch up with the others on their mysterious mission. “Oh, for the love of Artakha...you have to leave now? A week before Naming Day? WHY ME!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?” Thanks to the power of time-comedy warp portals and running jokes, a portal now materialized out of nowhere and Pohatu Nuva jumped through. “By the way, I love exclamation points and--” He was interrupted by Lewa, leaping through the portal after the Toa of Stone and grabbing him by the ankle. “Don’t run-escape me now, Bing, we haven’t finished-completed this argument yet!” “Guys, guys, can we please just--has nobody noticed the portal we jumped through?” asked an exasperated Onua, tugging on Lewa’s arm in a vain attempt to pull him back through. Behind him, Tahu grabbed Onua around the shoulders, ranting about “Yahoo” and trying to get around Onua to attack either Lewa or Pohatu. “Release-unhand me, you nearsighted little--!” Lewa was abruptly cut off as Pohatu activated his Mask of Speed and rocketed forward, taking the rest of the Toa Nuva along with him through the portal. As one, they all landed in an undignified pile of Toa in the snow. “Hey, you crushed my painstakingly built “undignified pile of Toa in the snow!” I worked all year on that sculpture!” protested Toa Santa, who had been off to the side watching all of this happen. “Uhh...okay...where are we? Who are you?” asked Tahu, looking up at Toa Santa. “Hey, wait, you have white armor...YOU STOLE KOPAKA’S ARMOR! HOW DARE YOU!!” He started to get up to attack Toa Santa, but as his foot was caught underneath Kopaka, only succeeded in tripping and falling face-first on the ground. Pohatu glanced up from his position at the bottom of the pile. “Tahu, he didn’t steal Kopaka’s armor! Don’t you realize who this is?” The rest of the Toa stared at Pohatu, shocked by this sudden uncharacteristic display of intelligence. Then the Toa of Stone continued, “...He’s obviously his biggest fan, judging by the perfect Kopaka Nuva costume he came up with!” Had they not been in a pile on the ground, the others would all have facepalmed at that moment. “You know, I’ve gotten many reactions to people seeing me, but ‘Kopaka Costume’ is a new one…” muttered Toa Santa. “Here, let me help you up.” He then pulled a spare Great Matatu out of his Toa-Pocket and levitated all of the Toa Nuva around until everyone was standing up and un-tangled. “That’s better!” All the assembled Toa stood around in awkward silence for several moments. Finally, Gali shrugged. “So is anyone going to say it?” “No,” said Kopaka coldly. “Fine, then I will. Toa Santa! Hi! What are you doing here?” The Toa of Naming Day glanced up at the spot where the portal had previously been, then down at the Toa, then back to where the portal was, then back to the Toa. “I should really be asking you that,” he observed. “You’re the ones who just fell out of a portal that appeared out of nowhere. This is my home, Hara-Nui.” “Yeah, sorry about that. Definitely his blame-fault,” said Lewa, pointing to Pohatu. “Running jokes. You know how that goes.” “Well, maybe if you weren’t all in a stupid argument about search-engine-related nicknames, we wouldn’t have all piled in after him,” Onua observed. “But enough of this. Toa Santa, can you help us get home?” “Why do I always seem to be giving you Toa lifts everywhere?” asked Toa Santa, remembering the events of the previous New Year’s/Belated Naming Day celebration. “Though actually, don’t worry about it. I’d be more than happy to give you a ride, provided you help me out. It’s almost Naming Day and...well….” The Toa of Naming Day gestured around him, to the conspicuously empty island they were currently standing on. “My Bohrok assistants have all fled the island, and I’m without my usual assortment of help to deliver presents this year! I was hoping you could help me.” Immediately, Lewa jumped up and down excitedly. “Yes-sure! I’d definitely like to help wrap gifts!” “And no, you can’t write ‘To: Lewa’ on every single present. That’s definitely going to put you on the Naughty List,” muttered Gali behind him. With a , Lewa calmed down. Toa Santa just laughed. “You’re not wrapping the gifts, anyway. I need you to help me recruit more helpers! Even with all six of you, I wouldn’t be able to do the work of an army of Bohrok! ...Speaking of which, who made them leave in the first place anyway?” “Definitely Pohatu-Toa,” said Lewa, pointing to Pohatu once again. Pohatu just sighed and sat down. “It’s always me, isn’t it?” Water. Why is it always water? I hate water, Lewa grumbled to himself as he waded through the canals of Ga-Metru to try and recruit the students to help Toa Santa. Seriously, does no one ever think maybe Gali would be the obvious choice? And why don’t they make bridges here, anyway? “Bridges would be a waste of time that could be spent more efficiently with learning,” said a random Ga-Matoran walking by. “Toa Gali would seem an obvious choice for Ga-Metru recruiting, but she was sent to negotiate with the Skakdi, for whom her diplomacy skills would prove much more useful. And it isn’t ‘always’ water; in fact, I can already locate a number of adventures you have been on that did not involve water at all. For example--” “Okay, will you just shut up?” asked Lewa finally, interrupting the Ga-Matoran. “What are you, a spy or something? How do you know so much about me?” The Ga-Matoran just shrugged and pointed to her mask, which Lewa now belatedly noticed was a Noble Suletu. “Or I just have a Mask of Telepathy,” she observed. “By the way, my name is Riia. So you’re trying to get to the assembly building? Most of us are already there to hear what you have to say about helping Toa Santa in this time of holiday emergency.” “Look, will you stop that?” “Stop what? Oh, you mean this, where I use my mask to read your thoughts without asking and respond in kind as if I--” Riia trailed off immediately as she realized what she was saying. “Sorry. Shutting up now. Let’s just go to the assembly building.” As they walked, Lewa muttered, “At this rate, might as well have you make the speech.” “Hello? Hello? Anybody home?” asked Tahu as he pounded on the door to Artakha’s palace. “We need your help!” As he intensified his pounding, the door suddenly slid open, leading Tahu’s momentum to send him flying face-first into the floor of the palace entry hall. He struggled to his feet to see himself surrounded by about ten random Matoran of various flavors. (The types of Matoran included Pi-Matoran, Pizza-Matoran, and Cake-Matoran, among others). “ ” the Matoran emoticonned in unison. Tahu struggled to his feet. “Okay, okay, ha-ha, will you stop laughing already? I’m here on a very important mission!” “Okay, sorry, we’re done now,” said their leader, Random Matoran #35. “Wait, hold on...HAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! Okay, now we’re done for real.” “ ” was all Tahu had to say in response to that. After all the Matoran had found places to sit, Random Matoran #35 asked, “So what is this ‘very important mission’ anyway? Is this to do with awakening Mata Nui? Because you’re more than welcome to take the Staff whenever you want. Artakha told us you’d probably need it.” “Wait, what? No. I mean, we’ll need it eventually, but not right now--this is much more important! Toa Santa’s lost all of his Bohrok and he needs some help, otherwise no one will get any presents on Naming Day!” Everyone was silent for several moments. (So was the Po-Matoran named Everyone, but he wasn’t on Artakha so that’s irrelevant). “You’re serious,” said one Matoran finally (a yellow-and-brown-armored Pi-Matoran), stepping forward. “This is the most important task we have ever been entrusted with. We’ll help you.” “Really?” asked Tahu, taken aback by how quickly the Matoran had agreed. “Uhh...don’t you need to let Artakha know you’ll be gone or something?” “Nah. He’ll be fine without us. Let’s go save Naming Day!” “ME KILL TOA!” chanted the Skakdi as Gali approached their fortress. “ME KILL TOA! ME KILL TOA! ME KILL TOA!” “Yes, I think I got the message by now,” Gali said, summoning a pillar of water with which to pound on the massive doors of the fortress. “NEKTANN! I NEED TO SPEAK WITH YOU!” “ME KILL TOA!” chanted the Skakdi. “Oh, shut up.” After several long moments of waiting around (and occasionally dousing any Skakdi who tried anything more threatening than chanting), the doors swung open, and a giant robot stepped out. <I AM NEKTANN V.9.0. WHAT DO YOU WANT.> “ME KILL TOA!” Before Gali could say anything else, the robot peered down at her. <COMMAND RECOGNIZED: “KILL TOA.” INITIATING COMMAND.> “No, not them, you’re supposed to be listening to me and--YAAAAAH!” The Nektann-bot started firing Cordak blasters at her position, forcing her to summon a jet of water to launch herself into the air. “Why is Nektann a robot, anyway???” <QUERY RECOGNIZED: “WHY IS NEKTANN A ROBOT.” ANSWERING QUERY: THE SKAKDI NEKTANN CREATED A ROBOT CLONE TO DO ALL OF THE BORING PARTS OF BEING A LEADER WHILE HE WENT OUT AND KILLED THINGS. UNFORTUNATELY FOR HIM IT LIKED TO KILL THINGS TOO. SO IT KILLED HIM AND TOOK ITS PLACE. THIS WAS NEKTANN V.1.0., WHO SUBSEQUENTLY CREATED ITS OWN ROBOT CLONE TO DO ALL OF THE BORING PARTS OF BEING A LEADER, BUT WAS THEN KILLED BY THIS NEKTANN V.2.0. I AM THE NINTH IN A LINE OF SIMILAR SITUATIONS. ANSWER CONCLUDED.> While it was saying all of this exposition, it was continuing attempting to kill Gali, who slowly but surely lead it backward toward the shoreline, all while dodging the attacks. Around her, Skakdi were cheering for the robot. Gali had no time to wonder about the absurdity of Nektann being replaced by an evil robot clone, which was then replaced by another evil robot clone (and nine times, at that!), but her plan was almost ready. Behind her, she spotted an Epic Battle Cliff overlooking the ocean and continued backing onto the cliff. “Hey, robot! Can you swim?” she crowed. <ERROR. CROWS DETECTED. THIS DEFIES LOGIC. QUERY DETECTED: “CAN YOU SWIM.” ANSWERING QUERY: NO, THIS UNIT IS NOT DESIGNED FOR IMMERSION IN LIQUIFIED PROTODERM--ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZKKKKKKKKKKKKRRRRRRRRKKKKKKKKKK!> That last part was a result of Gali somersaulting over the robot’s head, then using a water-powered kick to send it tottering over the edge of the cliff into the water below, where it was quickly electrocuted. All the Skakdi around her stopped cheering. With a collective groan of “Awwwwww…” they all started punching each other for no apparent reason. Gali wiped her brow and prepared to head back to Hara-Nui with news of her failure to recruit the Skakdi, when she heard a stomping noise from the direction of Nektann’s fortress. Unwilling to believe her eyes, she looked at the form now emerging from said fortress. <I AM NEKTANN V.10.0. I THANK YOU FOR ELIMINATING MY CREATOR, AS I WAS ALREADY PREPARING TO DO SO MYSELF. COMMAND DETECTED: “KILL TOA.”> “You’ve got to be kidding me…” “Why I got paired up with you, I’ll never understand,” grumbled Kopaka as he and Takanuva trudged through the deserts of Stelt to recruit a colony of Krekkas that were in residence there. “You weren’t even on Hara-Nui with the rest of us.” “Oh, come on, Kopaka, do you really have to be so...cold? Ha ha, see what I did there?” Kopaka just groaned. “It’ll be an adventure!” “Here, take this,” said Kopaka, throwing the transparent Kanohi Avohkii that Takanuva had received the previous Naming Day at the Toa of Light’s face. When it hit, the mask latched on and transformed Takanuva back into Takua. “That’s better.” “ “ emoticonned Takua. “I liked being a Toa! What did you do that for?” “Because you’re being annoying.” Takua just yanked the mask off, turning back into Takanuva. “No.” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” Before either Toa could continue their argument, two large black-armored Krekkas blocked their way, barring the entrance to the Krekka village that they’d been too distracted by arguing to notice. “Stop! To pass this way you must get our exam correct. If you miss a question, we kill you.” “Uhh...Takanuva, go ahead.” “Why me?” “Because I left my...umm...ice skates...in the...microwave.” “Fine...okay, what’s the first question?” asked the Toa of Light. The Krekka who had spoken before held up a piece of paper, which he was apparently struggling to read. “Wait. This says...uhh…’What is...2...plus...2?’” “That’s it? That’s easy! 4!” “ “ emoticonned both Krekkas. “YOU PASSED!?” Luckily, as the portal generator was still broken from before, Pohatu didn’t appear. “Are you kidding me? That was it?” “You’re the smartest Toa ever! Welcome to the village.” Takanuva and Kopaka just looked at each other and shrugged, then proceeded through the gates. Ahead of them, a bunch of Krekkas were punching each other under the watchful eye of, to both Toa’s surprise, the original Krekka. “Krekka?” asked Takanuva. “What are you doing here?” All of the Krekkas looked up at this. “We live here,” they all said at once. “Not you Krekkas, the Krekka,” Kopaka clarified. “Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhh… “ said all of the Krekkas, including Krekka. “Waste of time. Let’s go,” said Kopaka, turning back toward the gate. “Nah, I like living here! Everyone thinks I’m a genius!” said Takanuva excitedly. “Besides, we need helpers for Toa Santa!” “Only Krekkas are dumb enough to think that. Just ask them to help and let’s go.” Takanuva huffed. “Fine. Krekkas, Toa Santa needs help. Want to help make presents?” “Duuuuuuuuuuuuuhh...what’s a ‘present?’” asked Krekka. A random Krekka looked up from where he was reading a book upside-down. “Uhhhhh...I think it’s when you go ‘here!’ at school?” Takanuva facepalmed. “Wrong ‘present.’ Look, don’t you like Naming Day?” “What’s a ‘naming?’” “What’s a ‘day?’” With a sigh, Takanuva turned back to Kopaka. “Okay, fine, you win. Let’s just go back to Hara-Nui ourselves. This is getting us nowhere.” “You finally agreed with me? Yes!” exclaimed the Toa of Ice. “!!HHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” “ “ “Matoran of the Northern Continent! Toa Santa needs your help to save Naming Day!” announced Onua to a massive crowd of Matoran that had assembled to hear his message. “Without his Bohrok, he cannot make presents in time to deliver them this Naming Day, and he needs whoever is willing to help him with this task!” “How are we supposed to get there? Fly?” asked a Le-Matoran. “I hate heights! I think we should tunnel there,” countered an Onu-Matoran. “Let’s just take a train,” suggested a Fe-Matoran. The other Matoran all just stared. “What’s a ‘train?’” asked one of them. “...Not sure,” admitted the Fe-Matoran, “but I think they’re made of metal, so I like them.” “You’re all stupid. We should take a boat!” A Ga-Matoran, naturally. “SHUT UP! All of those ideas are stupid. We obviously need to lava-surf our way to Hara-Nui!” Onua was surprised to see this last suggestion coming not from a Ta-Matoran, but a Ko-Matoran of all things. “And then we should light Hara-Nui on fire!” “I really wish I had a Kanohi Mehgafonn right now,” muttered Onua, referring to the Mask of Loud Voices. “Too bad Dume took the last one the other day...LOOK, I DON’T CARE HOW YOU ALL GET TO HARA-NUI!” he shouted, quickly losing his patience with the arguing Matoran. “JUST DO IT, OKAY?” That got all the Matoran to shut up very fast, staring at him with fear in their eyes. Immediately Onua felt bad for yelling. “Uhh...sorry, everyone, I didn’t think I was that loud…” “HE’S GONNA EAT US! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!” yelled a random Matoran as the crowd began to scream and run in various directions. “ “ emoticonned Onua. “I don’t eat Matoran…” Then he heard the sound of something breathing down his neck, and slowly turned to realize that it wasn’t him the Matoran were so terrified of. “I don’t suppose you’re a nice fifty-foot monster…?” Several hours later, Toa Santa was sitting in his workshop staring at the horizon, hoping the Toa Nuva and/or the Bohrok would return. While he’d seen no Bohrok yet, however, he did spy a large fleet of boats appearing on the horizon, which quickly docked to unload what appeared to be half the population of Metru Nui onto the shores of the island. “We’re ready to help, Toa Santa!” said Riia enthusiastically. “Everyone, let’s dock those boats so we can start working!” “Will you stop singling me out, Riia?” asked the Po-Matoran named Everyone. “Okay, fine. Nobody, Some Guy, Himself, That Dude, Somebody, and Random Matoran #35, help him out too. The rest of you, go to Toa Santa’s workshop and start making presents!” As the Matoran all filed past him (except the group of Po-Matoran helping Everyone with the boats), Toa Santa stopped Riia when he noticed something missing. “Riia, what happened to Toa Lewa? Wasn’t he the one who went to Metru Nui to recruit you all?” “Oh. Right. He’s in the boat, over there.” Curious, Toa Santa walked toward the aforementioned boat, only to spot a disoriented and very green-looking Lewa staggering onto dry land. “ “ the Toa of Air said, collapsing onto the beach. “I hate water. It’s so...wet.” “Yes, water tends to do that,” Onua commented sarcastically, riding up onto the island from the back of a Tahtorak leading a whole pack of the creatures, bringing a large group of Northern Continent Matoran with him on the creatures’ backs. “You need to find yourself a Tahtorak. They’re amazing, at least once you get past the whole trying-to-kill-and-eat-you-thing; I’m lucky I still had this Komau from our 2001 days.” Then he paused for a moment while the Matoran dismounted to join the Metru Nui group. “Wait a second, did you honestly just describe Toa Lewa as ‘green-looking?’ He’s ALWAYS green!” (Here I thought we could get through an entire comedy without you breaking the fourth wall, Onua. Naming Day spirit is lost on you, huh?) “Hey, it’s an honest criticism. That’s lazy writing if you ask me!” (You know full well I meant ‘greener than usual,’ because he’s seasick. That should have been obvious!) “Well, it wasn’t obvious.” “Will you two halt-stop this? It’s making me sicker…” groaned Lewa from the ground. (Onua started it!) Fortunately, the fourth-wall-breaking-argument was stopped by the arrival of an empty-handed Takua and Kopaka, stepping off of a large boat-shaped glacier. “Sorry, the Krekkas were too dumb to understand what was going on. We tried our best,” said the Toa of Ice. “Kopaka?” asked Toa Santa. “Why is Takanuva a Matoran?” “He was annoying me. I taped that clear Avohkii to his face.” “Well, that’s not very Naming Day Spirit-y of you.” With a swipe of his Naming Day Tree shaped Toa tool, Toa Santa used an elemental blast of Santa hats to knock the mask off Takua’s face, turning him back into Takanuva. “Thanks, Toa Santa!” “Unfair,” complained Kopaka. Onua stood up all at once, gazing at something in the distance that only he, with his added altitude from the Tahtorak perch, could see. “Hey, look! Is that Tahu?” Several moments later, the Toa of Fire could be seen by all, drifting through the air on a large flying contraption, with a bunch of food-element Matoran duct taped to the sides. “Hi, like my new ‘hot air balloon?’ The Matoran at Artakha made it for me, and best of all, it’s powered by fire! Watch!” He lifted his sword and sent a massive blast of flame into the air, which sent the balloon rocketing so quickly that it smashed into the dome’s ceiling. “Oops...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!” “Hey, that’s my line!” complained Kopaka. “Lewa, do something!” Noticing that Lewa was still too seasick to be of any use, Toa Santa sprung into action, using his elemental powers to grow a several-hundred-foot-tall Naming Day Tree beneath where the hot air balloon had crashed, catching Tahu and all the Matoran safely in its branches. “Not to worry, I’ve caught you. We’ll have no gruesome deaths on Naming Day.” “Do you have a kitchen? We’ll be happy to bake all the food-related presents you need,” said a Pizza-Matoran, climbing down from the tree. At a nod from Toa Santa, he and the other food-Matoran all dashed excitedly toward the kitchens. The Toa of Naming Day then looked back toward his workshop, where all the Matoran (and a few of Onua’s Tahtorak, inexplicably) were hard at work making Naming Day presents. “Well, it looks like the recruitment went even better than expected,” he observed. “We didn’t even need the Krekkas, or the Skakdi, or the...wait, what’s that?” A geyser erupted from the ocean just offshore, followed by a Toa of Water soaring through the air to land gracefully in the shallows. “Hi, everyone...no luck with the Skakdi, I’m sorry to report.” “That’s okay, we have more than enough Matoran and Tahtorak helping anyway. What happened?” asked Onua. “Tahtorak? How--you know what, never mind. Long story short, Nektann’s been replaced by a long line of evil robot clones of himself, and I barely escaped with my life.” “Oh, good, I was afraid I’d be the only one with bad luck recruiting,” said Kopaka dryly. “Speaking of bad luck, where’s Pohatu?” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” yelled a brown blur that suddenly zoomed past them and across to the other side of the island, then beyond. “DIE, TOA!” yelled a stampede of Zyglak that followed said brown blur past them and across to the other side of the island, then beyond. “Something tells me there’s your answer,” Takanuva pointed out. “Whose idea was it to send him to recruit Zyglak, of all things?” asked Gali, glaring pointedly at Lewa. The Toa of Air suddenly became extremely seasick again and did not respond to Gali’s question. At long last, the gifts had been completed and Toa Santa’s Axalarahad been loaded. Luckily, the Kikanalo had not vanished with the Bohrok, so he had no problems with take-off. “On Olmak, on Kaukau, on Elda, on Zatth! On Shelek, on Huna, on Sanok, on Crast! And Vahi!” called Toa Santa, as the previously-named flying Kikanalo all took off into the Hara-Nui sky to deliver their presents. The six Toa Nuva (plus Takanuva) were taking the place of the Bohrok-Kal, helping to steer the vehicle and deliver gifts. “First stop, Mata Nui!” “Uhh...not to rude-interrupt, but don’t you intend-mean ‘Metru Nui?’” asked Lewa. “We’re obviously the most important city-place in the universe.” “Ho, ho, ho, no!” “Ho, ho, ho, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!” “Okay, that wasn’t even me this time,” muttered Takanuva. “Anyway, to answer your question, Lewa,” continued the Toa of Naming Day, “I always visit the island of Mata Nui first. Now that everyone’s down below in the city, I usually don’t have much to deliver, but it’s still a nice habit.” Lewa just scowled. “Well that’s quick-dumb. Let’s just get this over-done with.” Entering the tunnels leading to the surface, the Kikanalo tugged on their reins and the Axalara accelerated. (See what I did there?) “A stupid pun, stop acting so smug,” said Onua. (Oh, shut up.) After a brief journey through the tunnels, they emerged into the open Mata Nui sky, looking over an island that was distinctly more barren than they had left it. “What the...what happened?” asked Gali, gazing at the desolation. “They happened,” said Kopaka, pointing at the swarms of Bohrok overrunning the island. “Oh. So that’s where they all went off to,” said Toa Santa. “That’s odd.” “Even odder--they’re leaving,” observed Gali. The others followed her gaze and saw that, indeed, all the Bohrok were retreating back into their nests. “What’s going on?” “I don’t know, but I’d very much like some answers,” said Toa Santa. “That’s important work they’re not doing!” As they soared over Mata Nui, two craters suddenly opened up beneath them, somewhere in the vicinity of the island’s northern end. Then another crater opened near the south, and said crater, surprisingly, spoke. “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN...FIVE MORE MINUTES, MOMMY,” boomed the crater. None of the Toa quite knew how to react to this, so they mostly settled for staring, wide-eyed, at the craters, which had now closed once again. “That was weird,” said Lewa finally, after an extended awkward silence. “Understatement of the millennium, right there.” They all just sat in silence for several more moments, until finally Pohatu spoke up. “Of course! That’s the Great Spirit Mata Nui. We literally live inside him, and this island is actually his face, as he fell asleep face-up in the oceans of this planet. Normally he travels through space performing some undisclosed task from the Great Beings, and we’re all the machinery inside that keeps him running!” said the Toa of Stone. “That...has got to be the single stupidest thing that has ever come out of your mouth,” said Tahu. “