Posted Oct 20 2011 - 12:12 AM
This is an interesting concept for a comedy you have here. I like the idea of Vorox and the Makuta, it's an interesting pairing of characters you don't see very often. Some of my favorite parts were Gorast's "Ooh, shiny!" line and the idea of the rock contest. Nice job! However, the comedy was hard to read at times, mostly because of the spelling and grammar. First, you spelled Vorox as "Vorex" repeatedly, I'm not usually this picky but since Vorox is one of your main characters, it's important to get the name right. Also, you should try to capitalize the first letter of every name at the beginning of their lines, it makes it easier to read and to see who's talking. Such as: Teridax: Well, here we are. As opposed to teridax well here we are Overall, though, I like the concept and think this comedy really has potential. Just clean up the spelling and grammar a bit and you might have a really good comedy! Lewa0111 Nuva
My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |
"Where'd you come from?"
"Fell from the heavens like a burning star, but that's not the point."
--Pohatu and Lewa, "The Nuva Inn," Chapter 35
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2015 Set Progress (MAN this feels good to write again!): Toa 1/6 | Protectors 2/6 | Villains 0/1