Jump to content

  • Log in with Facebook Log in with Twitter Log In with Google      Sign In   
  • Create Account

Welcome to BZPower!

Hi there, while we hope you enjoy browsing through the site, there's a lot more you can do if you register. Some perks of joining include:
  • Create your own topics, participate in existing discussions, and vote in polls
  • Show off your creations, stories, art, music, and movies
  • Enter contests to win free LEGO sets and other prizes
  • Participate in raffles to win LEGO prizes
  • Organize with other members to attend or send your MOCs to LEGO fan events all over the world
  • Much, much more!
Enjoy your visit!


Abyssal Obsession

Heretic Stories

  • Please log in to reply
4 replies to this topic

#1 Offline Pahrak #0579

Pahrak #0579
  • Premier Member
  • Premier Outstanding BZP Citizens
  • Bionicle Writer of the Month

  • 19-August 04
  • 2,663 posts
  •   Outstanding BZPower Citizen

Posted Jun 17 2013 - 02:07 PM

[On a different website, it was brought up that Vhisola had some tendencies similar to a quality referred to as "yandere" in Japanese media.  I then took that idea and ran with it.]






Vhisola sat quietly, eyes fixated on the tiny tablet she held in her hand.  Etched into the stone with loving detail was an image of Nokama, the teacher she had come to care so deeply about.  The Ga-Matoran slowly drew her fingers down the side of the tablet.


It’s all for you, Nokama…everything I do is for you…


The sound of footsteps caught her attention.  Carefully tucking the carving into her bag, Vhisola moved into a crouch and peered above the edge of the bulky fountain she was hiding behind.  Being on the outskirts of Ga-Metru, the plaza was very rarely visited, so Turaga Dume saw no reason to assign any Vahki to guard the location.  It was a perfect spot for Vhisola’s purposes.


Through the darkness, she spotted another Ga-Matoran—Hara, a fellow student at the Ga-Metru schools.  Hara had joined class only recently and had been struggling to keep up, so Nokama had offered to take some extra time to tutor her in order to help her catch up with the rest of the class.


She’s trying to steal Nokama away from me.


In Vhisola’s mind, any time Nokama spent with Hara was time the teacher could be spending with Vhisola.  Her time with Nokama was precious, and Vhisola would not let anyone take it away.  Hara would have to be the example.


Using a Weaken Kanoka, Vhisola had broken into Hara’s desk and planted a message luring her to this location, then fixed it with a Regeneration disk to reduce suspicion.  If the desk looked fine, Hara would assume the message came from someone who knew the combination to the lock—probably a friend or faculty member.  The trap had worked, and the Matoran was now right where Vhisola wanted her.


Just loud enough that Hara could hear, Vhisola croaked, “Help…please, help me…”


Thinking another Matoran was in danger, Hara immediately bolted towards the fountain.  Vhisola unlimbered her disk launcher, took aim, and fired.


Aiming was often unnecessary with Ga-Metru disks, which flew according to the user’s thoughts, but Vhisola wanted to be sure there were no mistakes.  The Kanoka struck Hara square in the mask and unleashed its freezing power.  Her head now encased in a block of ice, Hara crawled toward the fountain as Vhisola stepped out of her hiding place.  Vhisola mercilessly bashed her launcher into the back of Hara’s head, slamming her into the fountain and shattering the ice.


Hara’s body went limp.  After kicking her a few times, Vhisola was positive she was unconscious.


“You shouldn’t have tried to come between me and Nokama.”


Attaching the weapon to her back, Vhisola grabbed Hara’s ankles and dragged her across the plaza to a sealed trapdoor that served as an entrance to the Archives.  As quietly as possible, Vhisola pried open the covering, checked to make sure no one was watching, and unceremoniously tossed Hara over the edge.  She quickly climbed down on her own and verified Hara was still out.  Taking hold of her by the ankles again, Vhisola dragged her deeper into the tunnel.


It was not long before Vhisola spotted her goal: an old Kavinika exhibit that even the Archivists had forgotten was there.  The sight filled her with savage excitement.  In an earlier visit she had broken the outer shell—easily the most difficult part of this scheme—and now needed only to graze the inner layer to awaken the Rahi.


Kavinika are so vicious, they’ll attack just about anything that moves.  Groggy as she is, there’s no way Hara will be able to get away from it.


Vhisola came to a stop a short distance away from the stasis tube.  Letting go of her captive, she readied her disk launcher again and began backing up.  When she was as far away as she could get while still having a clear shot, the crazed Matoran came to a halt and began to wait.  Eerily still she stood, carefully watching both Hara and the wolf that would be her demise.  It seemed like an eternity, but Vhisola remained patient—no effort was too great to protect her relationship with Nokama.


At last, Hara stirred.  Vhisola fired a disk, watched it strike the tube, and then turned and sprinted for the exit.  Hissing filled the air as stasis gas leaked out, quickly replaced by the furious snarling of the Kavinika as it woke from its long rest.  The Rahi broke its way out of the tube and looked around, eyes settling on Hara.


Now conscious, the unfortunate Ga-Matoran sat up and clutched the side of her head.  A low growl alerted her to the Kavinika’s presence.


As she sealed the tunnel entrance, Vhisola could not help but smile at the faint screams that reached her ears.




The next day, Vhisola happily walked into Nokama’s class as if nothing had happened.  When class was over, she approached the teacher and asked if she would like to play some akilini.


“Well…” Nokama muttered, looking out over the classroom, “I did have an appointment with Hara, but she doesn’t seem to be here today.  I’d like to wait a few more minutes and see if she shows up, but if she doesn’t, I’d be delighted to join you.”



Grinning, Vhisola returned to her desk and watched the clock patiently.  She had nothing to worry about, after all.  Hara wouldn’t be coming to steal Nokama away ever again.

Edited by Pahrak #0579, Oct 30 2013 - 07:29 PM.

  • 0

sig1.png sig2.png


My Library


              Right of Law (Epics) -- Shooting Star Sonia 3 (OTC)

#2 Online Master Inika

Master Inika
  • Members
  • Mask of Light Unveiled

  • 07-October 07
  • 5,223 posts

Posted Jun 17 2013 - 02:23 PM

This is awesome. One of the best fanfics I've read in awhile. I can imagine Vhisola being this crazy. Really, I have no criticisms. 10/10
  • 0

"You are an absolute in these uncertain times. Your past is forgotten, and your
future is an empty book. You must find your own destiny, my brave adventurer.
-- Turaga Nokama

Click here to visit my library!

#3 Offline SonicBOOM XS

  • Members
  • Bionicle Writer of the Month

  • 01-July 08
  • 1,970 posts

Posted Jun 17 2013 - 10:19 PM

Yay Vhisola :D


Isn't she pretty much the only stalker-girl figure in Bionicle? Need more fanfic about her :P

  • 0

Undergoing Renovations...

#4 Offline Relapse

  • Members
  • Hunger Sated

  • 20-August 09
  • 6,740 posts

Posted Jun 18 2013 - 01:14 AM

I got chills from this, not gonna lie. Probably my biggest concern about this story is its length! I would've loved to see a bit further into Vhisola's head. So...here's your review:Content: 4.5/5 While there wasn't an overdose of content, I liked what I saw. Interesting use of the Kanoka disks (I don't think I've seen one used like that). Really, the only reason you didn't get a 5 is because the whole thing seemed a tad bit rushed.Grammar: 5/5

You shouldnt have tried to come between me and Nokama.

Not gonna take points off for Vhisola's grammar, as she's probably too busy stalking Nokama to know that her name comes first in a phrase as such.Overall: 4.5/5 A nice, well-written little story. Great example of a yandere (yay for troping) and a good interpretation of this character. Please, for everyone's sake, write an Epic or something about a character like this. Your writing is fun and easily readable.

Edited by Shuhei Hisagi, Jun 18 2013 - 01:15 AM.

  • 0

BZPRPG Profiles

"It comes with the job," Halfimus explained, "I'm not paid enough to give anything outside quick flavour descriptions."
So pay me more AuRon.

#5 Offline Phoenixian Wraith

Phoenixian Wraith
  • Members
  • Toa

  • 24-February 09
  • 127 posts

Posted Jun 22 2013 - 05:20 AM

... This scared the absolute ###### outta me, seeing that I can visualize what I read. Awesome job. Now, get back to Kako xD!

  • 0

0 user(s) are browsing this forum

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users