A Guardsman's Life: They Told Me This Would Be Great.

[Padishah Mehmet II]

You know, it's not fun being a Ta-Koro guardsman.TBH - that's how they tell me the kids say "to be honest" these days - it's pretty much worthless. When they targeted me and asked me to sign up, I was told there'd be wine, women and song, and every day would be like a moment in paradise. I mean, look at Jaller. The guy's got it all. He's got a girlfriend in Ga-Koro, been travelling with the Mata Nui-forsaken Toa at some point, and to top it all off, he actually has a house. There was no reason to believe the job would be as interesting as cleaning up kavinika dung from the gates of the city.There was especially no reason to believe the job would be cleaning up kavinika dung from the gates of the city, but hey, life's full of surprises. Surprises like, well, actually being below the kavinika-dung, and no, you may not ask how it happened. Make up your own story, if you must. Better yet, don't. Don't think about it at all.The rest of my job, really, isn't even the slightest bit more interesting. Remember when Jaller lead the Ta-Koro guard in an aesthetically beautiful assault on the greatest hikaki hive this side of... well, this endless ocean that surrounds us? Yeah, me neither. I, however, remember seventeen hours a day of checking passports. Passports, passports, passports. Whose stupid idea was to install passports on this island? I swear to Mata Nui, if I have to see another stone tablet with "I AM INSERTNAMEHERE" written on it (as if such a thing could not be fabricated, for the love of the Great Spirit) I will burn something.Probably Jaller. I'll probably burn Jaller."Kalama, change shifts."Yes, you sneaky mahispawn, with your calm and relaxed voice as I SINK IN KAVINIKA-DUNG. Keahi is the one person on this island I hate more than Jaller. It's not like a comrade in arms should stretch out his hand and drag me out or something. Just, you know. Kalama, change shifts. Bah. And this is supposedly the best guardsman in the city.I will not tell you people the story of how I swam out of said kavinika dung. I will not. All you need to know is that afterwards I head to the Guard's communal shower, in other words, the rain currently pouring down on Ta-Wahi's beach.Afterward, I head to the place people like me occasionally call "home", for lack of a better term - in other words, the island's largest homeless shelter. In yet other words, Tahu's canister.You have no idea how useful that thing is. Aside from me, two nameless NPCs that Greg Farshtey occasionally refers to as "interesting characters who need more air time as opposed to anyone whose storyline was ever left unfinished and hanging and leaving us hungry for more", live in the place. We make food by heading out to the Charred Forest, catching some little Rahi, and tying it to a rope and tossing it down into the Lake of Lava. Usually, the Guard would be ticked off, but the Guard has no legal capability to be ticked off at a Guardsman.Life is beautiful when you're a Guardsman. Yep. Sure is.

[MT Zehvor]

You've certainly got an interesting style of comedy here. I like the portrayal of the guard, and the thought processes behind him. Certainly a lot more multi dimensional than most of the Bionicle cast.

 

Seems like Tahu's canister would be rather small for a home, though.

 

I'm interested to see where this goes. KUTGW.

 

-MT

[Sinclair]

Oh yes. I was hoping to find a good comedy and I certainly did.

 

This is very good. I like how you describe the character's thought processes. I hope you'll write more installments!