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The Gambler


Sinclair

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Good morning folks. My name is...........well, nobody ever gave me a name. For the sake of convenience, just call me John. I'm not your ordinary person. In fact, I'm as far from ordinary as a person can get ! You see, I'm a Great Being, and not just any Great Being either. You see, I'm so cool, they couldn't stand me! They had to lock me up on a moon ! .....Okay, that's not true. That's not why they locked me up. You see, I was a gambler. Blackjack, poker, Russian roulette, anything. As the Council started getting tougher on Great Beings engaging in such "immoral" activities, I had to move on and find other things. Eventually, I ended up making bets with anyone who would play along. I placed bets on the most ridiculous things ! One time, I actually bet someone that they wouldn't be able to tell me what a Russian was. I lost that one. In fact, I lost a lot of bets. Eventually, I came to realise that I had a problem. No, no, it's not what you think. When a gambler says they have a problem, everyone always thinks they've come to realise their gambling has gotten out of hand. I disagree. You can never have too much gambling. My problem was of a different nature. You see, I lost many bets, and I just didn't have the money to pay everyone. I had to find money, fast, or else I'd have the Baterra on my case. (The Baterra weren't meant to collect debts, of course, but nobody would ever call the Council on it, for fear of having the Baterra on their case.) I thought about this long and hard. I locked myself in a room for three days, listened to Kanye West, and tried to come up with a solution. Eventually, I got it. I wasn't sure whether I was stupid or a genius. The idea itself was ingenious, naturally, but it should have occurred to me earlier. I was going to spend another two days pondering this issue, but I didn't have the time. I had to put my scheme into motion fast if I was going to pay off my debts in time rather than get split down the middle by a shape-shifting robot. By now, you must be wondering what the scheme actually is. It's really obvious if you think about it. I chose to make a bet. But not just any bet, of course. This was a special bet. I made a bet with a member of the Council. If I won, he would pay all my debts. If I lost, well........let's not talk about that.I won't bore you with the details. All you need to know is that I was going to put on the Ignika Mask of Life. And so I did. It wasn't a very good idea. ...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................Sorry about that, my pen got a bit excited. That's a pretty good example of what I've been subjected to for the last one hundred thousand years. Do you ever find yourself cursing inanimate objects? So do I, except they're not really inanimate. On the bright side, I'm never lonely. There are always new and exciting creatures to keep me company. I particularly like the chairs ; they really enjoy blackjack. They're not very good at it, so I usually win. I like chairs. The cups are annoying though. They insist on drinking all my tea when I'm not looking. I wish they'd stop. So that's my story. No doubt you're expecting a moral at the end, a message encouraging kids to stay in school and not gamble or do drugs or whatever. Well, have I got news for you. This isn't a 1980s after-school special. I regret nothing. I lost fair and square. Goodbye. ............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ WOULD YOU STOP DOING THAT?

Edited by Sinclair

hopelessly drifting, bathing in beautiful agony

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