Peter Johnson Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 (edited) Title explains it all. Discuss my new epicPeter: http://www.bzpower.com/board/index.php?showtopic=10742 Edited July 31, 2013 by TreloManka Quote :afro: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinkmeister Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 Hey, good beginning! I'm intrigued by this man whose mouth seems quote conductive to hornets! I'll be keeping an eye on it! By the way, don't forget to put a link to this topic on the first post of your story Quote Check out my Chibi Kute Kit! Follow these steps, and BZP will only get better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter Johnson Posted July 31, 2013 Author Share Posted July 31, 2013 Its all gonna be in one post Ill comment to add new chapters Quote :afro: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinkmeister Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 It might be better to make each chapter a new post, that way people can see "Oh look, there it is! Gotta hurry up and read it!" you know what I'm saying? Quote Check out my Chibi Kute Kit! Follow these steps, and BZP will only get better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter Johnson Posted July 31, 2013 Author Share Posted July 31, 2013 Good idea...the chapters are gonna be short. Not too short, like about two paragraphs long Quote :afro: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinkmeister Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 (edited) I've been around for a while, trust me, I made far, far, far more noobish mistakes than you will in two lifetimes. I've had to learn from plenty of mistakes, and I enjoy letting other people learn the lesson from me rather than learning it themselves :PHey, it's your story! Make the updates as long or short as they need to be! Edited July 31, 2013 by Jinkmeister Quote Check out my Chibi Kute Kit! Follow these steps, and BZP will only get better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter Johnson Posted July 31, 2013 Author Share Posted July 31, 2013 POSTING CHAPTER 1! Quote :afro: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinkmeister Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 Oops, I guess I should have been more clear. I thought you meant you would edit it into your original first post, and I meant to make it a reply to your prologue, not a whole new thread.Regardless, thus certainly doesn't waste time! Right away we see some action! There were a couple things you might wanna keep in mind, namely that something like that would be pretty clear in one's memory, so you wouldn't have him saying "I guess". Remember, even if it's from the first person, narration shouldn't read like the character talks, unless that's what you're going for. One other thing is the description of the eyes. You say "which, as I said...", but that kind of interrupted the flow for me. You had already said the color if the eyes, so once you pointed out that the eyes glowed, but the pupils didn't, that's exactly as much info as the reader needs. So what I'd do is copy the story and post it as a reply to your prologue (it might combine the posts), and report the Chapter 1 topic so the mods know to delete it. I look forward to more! Quote Check out my Chibi Kute Kit! Follow these steps, and BZP will only get better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Windrider- Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 Yup, please add new chapters by replying to your original story topic here. There's no need to start a new topic for each chapter; that clutters up the forum and gets confusing for your readers. I've merged the story topic and the first chapter topic together for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter Johnson Posted July 31, 2013 Author Share Posted July 31, 2013 Ah ok thanksWhen I reply all it does is edits it in...How do you get the gap in there between the prologue and the chapter 1? Quote :afro: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Windrider- Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 There's an auto-merge function that combines consecutive posts made by the same member in a topic. I think after around thirty minutes it gets shut off? Anyway, its main purpose is to prevent double posting, but for epic story topics it gets rather annoying. Just take some time in between posts - no need to write your epic all at once. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter Johnson Posted July 31, 2013 Author Share Posted July 31, 2013 I wrote two chapters in fifteen minutes >.< guess Ill slow it down a bit Quote :afro: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter Johnson Posted July 31, 2013 Author Share Posted July 31, 2013 POSTING CHAPTER 2! Quote :afro: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinkmeister Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 Well, certainly an interesting chapter! Just a couple things: First, make sure your tenses (past, present, future, etc.) are consistent. You change from past to present tense throughout this chapter. For example:That made me curious. I don't know what he meant by... "That made" implies it was in the past. However, "I don't know" doesn't quite fit. It might if your character never ends up knowing what the old man meant, but it's implied Peter will know perfectly well. Therefore, he would say "I didn't know what he meant..." That make sense? Also: A HUGE blue building...Black, with a LOT of windows. That kind of confused me. Is the building blue or black or both? Other than that and some minor punctuation errors, seems like a good story so far! I look forward to part 3! Quote Check out my Chibi Kute Kit! Follow these steps, and BZP will only get better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter Johnson Posted July 31, 2013 Author Share Posted July 31, 2013 (edited) #1 Yea sometimes I just accidentally switch from first to third person #2 Typo Ill change that now Edited July 31, 2013 by TreloManka Quote :afro: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinkmeister Posted July 31, 2013 Share Posted July 31, 2013 Just be sure to proofread before you post the chapter, and you'll be good to go! Quote Check out my Chibi Kute Kit! Follow these steps, and BZP will only get better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter Johnson Posted August 14, 2013 Author Share Posted August 14, 2013 (edited) Kind of weird how the name of the thread is "An epic by TreloManka" when my name is MrPerson nowWhen all this is done, I'm gonna make it into a book then post the entire thing!say yes if you acctually read my epic, because I am starting to doubt that anybody does Edit: Please double (or triple) post only when announcing new chapters! Posts merged~-Wind- Edited August 19, 2013 by -Windrider- Quote :afro: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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