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#1 Offline Stryker055

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Posted Jul 31 2013 - 07:24 PM

As a quick explanation before you read this story, I have barely paid mind to the Bionicle story since I began losing interest in 2009. Something compelled me to read up on the story's conclusion, which I found truncated, illogical, and unsatisfying. My original intent was to write a three-part epic that would be my own end to the Bionicle story, but due to upcoming time constraints I feel that it may not be a possibility. The following story was my initial prologue to my epic, and though I have gone through many ideas on how it would play out, this one is the original, and the perhaps the best standalone story. So, I figured that, though I am not an author, instead of letting it gather virtual dust on my hard drive, I'd share it with the Bionicle community here on BZP.
 
With that said, I do hope this very brief story is of some worth to someone. :)
 
 
------------------------ 
 
 
It was over.
 
Tahu looked down at the golden mask that he held in his hand. It was the goal he fought for and failed on Voya Nui, his valiant comrade in Karda Nui, and now the final resting place of what he had believed to be his god. Yet, despite his history with the mask, he felt nothing when he looked at the Ignika. Its glow no longer bathed him in golden light, and he no longer felt the warmth of its raw power. Tahu felt nothing, and it frustrated him.
 
It was over. Makuta was dead. Mata Nui was the salvation of all life on Spherus Magna and within his body. Yet despite all this, Tahu could not feel joy. He felt even no relief at the end of a terrible battle. 
 
The sound of hushed murmurs and scuffing footsteps brought him back to the reality of the situation. He was standing on a hill. Behind him was an enormous machine that the Great Spirit had used to defeat the Makuta once and for all. Before him was a crowd of thousands. Most were confused and desperate for answers. Many were seeking words of victory as an excuse for celebration. Many were barely containing a desire for more combat. All of them were anxious to hear the words of the Toa of Fire.
 
Tahu struggled to find words. Nothing could capture the magnitude of the situation. He didn’t even think he realized the magnitude of the situation. Surely the crowd did not.
 
Everything had changed in the last year. Everything. His team had finally fulfilled their destiny, only for Makuta to have been one step ahead of them all along. They awakened Mata Nui, but the Great Spirit was not there. Tahu and the others spent the next several months in a universe of darkness, but the confusion was what tore at him the most. He kept the questions at bay by focusing on the present. Fighting Rahkshi and Exo-Toa, protecting the Matoran, and resisting Teridax became his duty, and he accepted it. There was no concern of the future. When he was forced to leave behind the universe he had known for an eternity and step into a new world, he asked no questions. When he was given a vision and devolved to his initial form, he asked no questions. When he was forced to retrieve a mystical armor with the aid of strange beings, he asked no questions. When he was granted the powers of the Makuta, he asked no questions. He simply accepted it all and focused on the mission.
 
Now, the mission was over. Nothing had been explained. The questions flooded Tahu’s head like Gali’s nova blast on Karzahni. The future had been thrust upon him, and he was not prepared.
 
Without thinking, he held the mask above his head. A few small cheers could be heard from the Matoran in the crowd. 
 
“We... will honor Mata Nui.” The words struggled to come out of his mouth, “and all those who fought for him, in our memories.” A few more cheers and a brief applause, this time from more of the crowd, still mostly Matoran.
 
He brought down the mask and looked upon it again, desperate to find something in the Ignika to fuel a grandiose speech, but all he could see was the sandy ground through the empty eyeholes. The world below him. The world that was restored. The victory Mata Nui had granted everyone. 
 
There it is. So you are still there.
 
“But,” he directed his gaze back upon the crowd, “the time has come to move on.” He raised the mask once more, “His destiny is fulfilled...”
 
Tahu paused. He looked down at the Ignika once more, then he turned towards the fallen machine behind him. Separate, it formed small settlements in a barren wasteland, giving its inhabitants safety and comfort. United, it was something else entirely, and Tahu could see it. He saw a massive city, built from the body of the titan. Citizens of all species, organic and biomechanical, living and interacting together in peace. 
 
“... and for many of us, it has yet to be written.” Tahu closed his eyes and smiled. He faced the crowd once more, and stretched his arm out towards the foundation of their new home, to the lush paradise beyond. “My friends, it is time to go.”
 
The cheers were not deafening, and the applause was not thunderous. But the crowd did cheer, and it did rejoice. Not because their fears were comforted, not because they understood their situation, but because, at that instant, they all knew they had a common destiny. Perhaps not all responded to that destiny with hope or even happiness, but it was present in their minds as every one of them stepped towards their future.
 
Tahu smiled to himself. The answers would come in time, but he didn’t need them. He saw the future. He knew it would not be an easy journey. Not only would peace need to be found among the races in the Matoran Universe, but the task of having them coexist with the Agori would be a formidable one. 
 
But unity will be found, no matter the cost. So it is our duty. So it is our destiny. The questions that swarmed Tahu’s head were no more. He did not seek wisdom in answers, and valor was of no worth to him as the battle had been won. All that remained was faith. Faith in himself, faith in his people, and faith in the future.
 
And faith will overcome all.

Edited by Stryker055, Aug 01 2013 - 09:27 PM.

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#2 Offline Disciple

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Posted Aug 01 2013 - 03:06 AM

The final line gave me goosebumps. So awesome!

 

I liked how you showed Tahu's lack of confidence at being in the spotlight. To see him weigh his words carefully before the audience really shows how much he's grown as a Toa. That said, I found the ellipses a little distracting at times. I think you could take out a few of them while still preserving Tahu's feeling of uncertainty.

 

“We... will honor Mata Nui,” The words struggled to come out of his mouth, “and all those who fought for him, in our memories...” A few more cheers and a brief applause, this time from more of the crowd, still mostly Matoran.

There should be a period after "Mata Nui." The following sentence could also be phrased more smoothly.

 

Nitpicking aside, I really enjoyed it. It has an inspiring message, and it really captured some of that nostalgic BIONICLE feel.

 

Nice job. :)


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#3 Offline krikanalo

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Posted Aug 01 2013 - 01:34 PM

aaah, nicely done! this was a great story- really well written, characterized, paced, and described. it might not be the finish to the story that you (and I) were hoping for, but it sure as heck makes for a nice elaboration on it- as disciple previously mentioned, i especially like the last line! makes for a nice full circle book-end, if you will.


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