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Toa Randomness! Remastered


Fastcar800

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Last time I did this, it failed. So lets try again. :D

 

It started one day in a large battle with the Toa Mata Vs. Bohrok...Lewa: "Toa Tahu, we are surrounded!"Tahu: "Excellent! We can attack in any direction we want!"Pohatu: "Well, works for me! :D"*Pohatu steps on a Gahlok and Kopaka freezes its Krana*Gali: "Brothers, let us remember why we fight"Tahu: "Yes sister. We fight for honor. We fight for justice. And we fight for VICTORY CAKE! :D"Lewa: "No one speak-told me of this 'Victory Cake' But I want ALL OF IT! :evilgrin: "Gali: "Oh rly? :uhuh:"Tahu: "Ya rly"Onua: "Can I be in this episode? :updown: "Pohatu: "No. Get out."Kopaka: "Well, goodnight everyone! Chapter 2 coming soon!"*Kopaka gets a Tahnok thrown at his face*Onua: "Thats what you get for breaking the fourth wall!"Gali: "Where is a Tracker jacker nest when you need one? Seriously people..."Ceaser Flickerman: "The venom of a Tracker Jacker can cause powerful hallucinations :evilbiggrin: "Katniss: "Ugh, don't remind me... Rue did not have the best idea there. Well, at least I am alive... PRESIDENT SNOW, Y U KILL MY SISTER??"Luke Skywalker: "This is NOT The Hunger Games!"Peeta: "This is NOT Star Wars either! But I love Star Wars..."Tahu: "SHUT UP!"Gollum: "We are trying to get this comedy to over 300 words! My precious word check... my precious..."

 

Onua: "Now the little gray dude is breaking the fourth wall!"Lewa: "Enough with the quirrel-fight! Lets just see-watch a movie marathon!"Onua: "YAY!!! POPCORN! OH YEAH!! I WANT ALL THE POPCORN!!"*Katniss shoots Onua with an arrow to shut him up*Gali: "He he! :P"

 

*Katniss shoots Gali with an arrow as well*

 

Peeta: "This is why I love you Katniss"

 

*Peeta leans in to kiss Katniss, but Tahu jumps in front of them*

 

Tahu: "Ok, thats enough for tonight. Goodnight ladies and other ladies!"

 

More chapters coming soon! :D

Edited by Fastcar800

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Hey Fastcar! Sorry about your last comedy...I would have given it a review, but I guess I missed it somehow. Oh well.

 

Anyways, for the new comedy...it's certainly not lacking in randomness, I'll say that much. My big suggestion right off the bat would be to perhaps cut down on some of said randomness; it makes things somewhat difficult to follow. A little randomness here and there can be funny, but it's very easy to get too much of it.

 

A general rule of thumb is: If the random act doesn't really add anything to the storyline of the comedy, it's probably not worth putting in.

 

So, for example, these two lines about cake come up pretty early on in the first chapter:

 

Tahu: "Yes sister. We fight for honor. We fight for justice. And we fight for VICTORY CAKE! :D"Lewa: "No one speak-told me of this 'Victory Cake' But I want ALL OF IT!

 

But this "victory cake" is never mentioned again, making this bit of randomness unessential to the comedy storyline.

 

Other than that, you've got a nice start here and an interesting premiss. Looking forward to a (hopefully written) chapter 2!

 

-MT

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LOL MT, I had to get it to over 300 words. 315 it is, I believe. This chapter was copied EXACTLY like the first chapter in my last Toa Randomness comedy, but simply added onto so it is over 300 words. But thanks! I will try to make it be SLIGHTLY less random. :P

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Onua wakes up in his bed early in the morning Onua: "Whoa! I should really stop watching The Hunger Games!"Pohatu: "Brother, you are a fail"Onua: "Get out of my room!"Kopaka: "We all share the same room"Onua: "Aw man!"Meanwhile...Takua: "Tahu, Nuvohk are attacking Ga-Koro!"Tahu: "Go tell someone who cares"Takua: " :uhuh: You are a lazy Toa"Gali: "I'll deal with it... Whenever I feel like it"

 

Lewa: "But sister, I wanted to be the one to eat the victory cake"

 

Gali: "Deal with it"

 

Later...

 

In Ga-Koro during a Nuvohk attack...Vakama: "Gathered friends, listen again to our legend of the BIONIC-"Nuhvok: "You had your chance for that in chapter one!"Vakama: " :("Vakama walks back to Ta-Koro... but not before the Nuhvok throws a rock at himGali: "I have arrived!"Macku: "You're late! By the way, how do I get Hewkii to ike me?"Gali: " :uhuh: Uh, ask Jaller. He is kissing Hahli right now in Ta-Koro"Macku: " :( I am sad now... hey! Where are you going?!"Gali is walking awayGali: "Uh, nowhere..."Nokama: "Toa Gali, you are retreating?"Gali: "No. Not retreating. Just advancing in a different direction! :D"Macku: " :uhuh: Well, I'll call someone who has a life"Gali: "Sure. Whatever man"Macku: "I am a girl you failed Toa!"Gali: "Kepesh?"Macku: " :uhuh: Ughh.... just go kiss a Makuta Fish."Gali gets kissed by a Makuta FishGali: 'EW! GET ME SOME IODINE! AH, I NEED TO BURN MY MASK NOW!"30000758.jpgMacku: "Shut up Picard! Go back to Star Trek land!"Captain Picard: "Its called the m-"Gali: "WE DON'T CARE!"Captain Picard: "Fine. Enterprise, one to beam up"Captain Picard is beamed onto the EnterpriseMacku: "Oh... pretty..."Gali: "Yeah yeah yeah. Doesn't matter. Now, wanna put on a blindfold and go into that hut?"Macku: "Yay! Wait, what?"Gali: "Ok kids, this is why you should never talk to a creepy man from outer space. He will mess with your mind..."Macku: "Shut up! Gah, you can never be quiet"Gali: "And you can never be quiet about Hewkii!"Macku: "At least I have a boyfriend"Gali: " :("30001078.jpgGali: "Oh, come on!"

Chapter 3 coming soon! :D

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In Po-Koro...Hafu: "Ok, so here's the plan. We distract the oncoming Bohrok by throwing our disks at them, while Kopaka and Pohatu sneak up and knock em' out!"Hewkii: "It sounds too simple... by the way, is Macku alright?"Ahkmou: " :uhuh: Stop obsessing over her. Just give her a kiss and be done with it!"Hewkii: " :( Just let me have my dreams!"Hafu: "Anyway... let's just move on"Ahkmou: "By the way, did ya hear that Disney took over Star Wars? Stupid George Lucas!"george-lucas-et-mickey-une-histoire-de-longue.jpgGeorge Lucas: "Help me..."Hewkii: "Stay off of the internet kid!"Ahkmou: "Nope. Never gonna happen :D"Hafu: "Are we gonna just sit around all day, or are we gonna fight the Bohrok?"Hewkii: "Actually, we were just gonna sit around"Hafu: " :uhuh:"Hewkii: "In massage chairs! :D"Hafu: "Moving on... oh, they are coming! Lets knock em' to the ground!"A swarm of Tahnok melt through the stone gates of the villageAhkmou: "Ohhh... pretty..."Hafu: " :uhuh: Just wait for my signal. Ready... aim... FIRE!"The Matoran throw their bamboo disks at the oncoming Bohrok swarmKopaka: "(Whispers) Ok my stony friend, lets take them out!"Kopaka freezes a Tahnok, and Pohatu unleashes a hail of stone. Kopaka then freezes a krana that attempts to escape. Pohatu throws a pizza at a TahnokTahnok: "Ow! Hot, hot hot!"Kopaka eats the pizza and throws the Tahnok into the waterPohatu: "Nice work brother!"Kopaka throws a Krana at Pohatu's facePohatu: "Nothing can take m- Clean it all, it must be cleaned. Clean it all, it must be cleaned"Kopaka: "I guess the victory cake is MINE! :evilgrin:"Kai: "Not so fast!"Cole: "Really? That's all you got?"Kai: "Ughh... fine, we shall come up with more one-liners later"Kopaka: "You are in the wrong LEGO theme!"Cole: "Eh. Whatever. I'm just gonna sit here and watch Pohatu run around like a maniac"Cole and Kai pull out beach chairs

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