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The Mary Sue of Spherus Magna


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#1 Offline Xodar

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Posted Aug 07 2013 - 10:57 AM

Good morning/afternoon friends! This is really just an idea I had after looking at the TV Tropes page for "Mary Sue" and reading several renowned terrible fanfics. I must say, it felt good to write this.

 

Chapter 1-Emergence

 

Spherus Magna, the new home of all life from the worlds of Bara Magna, Aqua Magna and Bota Magna, was in an era of peace. Mata Nui’s actions and words had not been forgotten, and the prototype robot used to defeat Makuta Teridax had become a monument to the Great Spirit, and all the heroes who fought so hard for the peace to finally be achieved. Turaga Vakama stood with Raanu at the

foot of the fallen titan.

 

[color=#ff0000;]“May we never forget the great sacrifices we made for this paradise.”[/color] Vakama mused, gazing over the colossal form. [color=#ff0000;]“May we never be troubled by the evils of Makuta again.”[/color]

 

[color=#ff0000;]“Indeed.”[/color] Raanu nodded. [color=#ff0000;]“I’m just glad nothing has gone wrong since that fateful day.”[/color]

 

[color=#ff0000;]“Be careful.”[/color] The elderly Turaga warned. [color=#ff0000;]“You will jinx us all if you say that.”[/color]

 

[color=#ff0000;]“Don’t tell me you believe in that superstitious…”[/color] Raanu’s retort was drowned out by a loud cry. An Agori was running across the plains as giant Rahkshi stomped after it, making that eerie shrill noise that made many a Matoran shiver in fear.

 

[color=#ff0000;]“Mata Nui…”[/color] Vakama gazed at the giant Rahkshi. [color=#ff0000;]“They must be a leftover experiment of Teridax! Raanu, run! Fetch the Toa!”[/color]

 

[color=#ff0000;]“But you’ll be defenceless!”[/color] The Agori leader cried.

 

[color=#ff0000;]“Don’t worry about me!”[/color] Vakama protested.

 

[color=#ff0000;]“With all due respect, Turaga, you’re old and not in the best shape!”[/color] Raanu grabbed the Turaga’s hand and led him away from the robot, the shrieks of the Rahkshi behind them.

 

Raanu turned briefly to see the great beasts advancing on them. They leered down at him with piercing red eyes, their hisses something he had only heard in his nightmares. One of them raised a gigantic staff, intending to strike down the Agori.

 

Then, suddenly, it fell to the ground, a giant glowing gash across its middle. The other Rahkshi looked around, their eyes scouring the plains for an apparent assailant. A sudden flash of golden light caused another Rahkshi to fall to the ground, a similar gash on its middle. A sudden battle cry made the last Rahkshi look up to the sun. A blur of movement appeared for a split second, then the final Rahkshi titan fell to the ground. Dust billowed up and obscured Raanu and Vakama’s view for a second.

 

The dust cleared, and Raanu shook his head. He had kept a tight hold on the Turaga’s arm the whole time. [color=#ff0000;]“Are you alright, Vakama?”[/color] he asked, with concern heavy in his voice.

 

Vakama knocked his staff against the side of his mask a few times, and sand fell out. [color=#ff0000;]“Sand in the mask is not nice. It gets everywhere and it’s really itchy.”[/color]

 

[color=#ffa500;]“Are you alright?”[/color] A new voice asked. It seemed to belong to a female. Perhaps one of the female Toa that inhabited the Matoran Universe before it was destroyed, or maybe a Glatorian, Raanu thought. The figure that spoke emerged from the dust cloud, and Raanu’s eyes widened in surprise. It was, indeed, a female Toa, with a very slender, almost beautiful frame. She was covered in bright pink armour seen on both Toa and Glatorian. In her hand, she held a golden sword that was almost as tall as she was. On her face, much to the absolute astonishment of Raanu, and the horror of Vakama, was the Mask of Time itself. Not only that, it seemed to be fused with…

 

[color=#ff0000;]“The Mask of Life!”[/color] Vakama said, astonished. [color=#ff0000;]“What manner of Toa are you?”[/color]

 

[color=#ffa500;]“I’m Toa Nasarhehiel Moonflower Sparkledust.”[/color] The Toa bowed in greeting. [color=#ffa500;]“It’s an honour to meet you.”[/color]

 

Vakama was wise enough not to try and pronounce the Toa’s name. Nevertheless, he felt a strange sensation inside his head, as if the very air itself was intoxicating. What he said next, surprised even him.

 

[color=#ff0000;]“The honour is all mine, Toa. Come, we must return to the Valley of the Maze, so you can meet the rest of the Toa.”[/color]

 

[color=#ff0000;]“Um, Vakama, are you feeling alright?”[/color] Raanu asked, as their new Toa friend followed them.

 

[color=#ff0000;]“I…”[/color] Vakama didn’t know what to say. It was as if someone was whispering in his ear, telling him what to say. [color=#ff0000;]“…we must be careful, my friend. She bears two powerful Kanohi masks, and she is able to defeat Rahkshi of that size. I dread to think what she may do if she turns against us. We must ask her how she came to acquire those masks.”[/color]

---

Soon, they arrived at the Valley of the Maze, and entered the tower at the centre. Inside, the Toa of the Matoran Universe and the Turaga who had made the tower their headquarters were discussing matters relating to the search for the Great Beings. When Raanu and Vakama entered, Many Toa sprang to their feet in concern.

 

[color=#ff0000;]“I’ll be alright.”[/color] Vakama said, allowing the Toa to relax. [color=#ff0000;]“Were it not for the actions of this brave Toa, Raanu and I would have fallen victim to a powerful foe.”[/color]

 

[color=#ff0000;]“What foe? And who is this?”[/color] Jaller gazed apprehensively at the female Toa standing behind them.

 

[color=#ffa500;]“Nice to meet you! I’m Toa Nasarhehiel Moonflower Sparkledust!”[/color] Toa Sparkledust winked at Jaller. Jaller was wise enough not to attempt to pronounce her name for himself.

 

“It cannot be.” An unfamiliar voice made everyone jump. Turaga Nuju stood up and inched over to the new Toa’s side. A shiver ran through the room. No-one had heard Nuju speak in the regular Matoran tongue for quite some time. Only Kopaka seemed unperturbed by it.

 

[color=#0000ff;]“Nuju, why do you speak now, of all times?”[/color] Nokama asked gently.

 

“I did not expect to see this Toa so soon.” Nuju said. “This is Nasarhehiel Moonflower Sparkledust. She is….my daughter.”

 

A collective gasp rose from the Toa and Turaga, followed by collective saying of “huh?”

 

“Turaga? I don’t think life is created in that manner.” Nuparu piped up.

 

“Be silent.” Nuju immediately shushed the Toa of Light into silence. “She is my daughter, and also…the chosen one!”

 

[color=#ffa500;]“I’m also from the future.”[/color] Sparkledust giggled.

 

Takanuva and the rest of the gathered Toa just stared.

 

[color=#8b4513;]“I think I need to lie down.”[/color] Pohatu said, with agreement from almost all the Toa. Slowly, they left the room, until only Nuju and Takanuva remained.

 

[color=#ffa500;]“It’s good to see you, father.”[/color] Sparkledust knelt down and gave the Turaga a hug.

 

“It is.” Nuju agreed. “Did you succeed in your…you have something to say, Takanuva?”

 

[color=#ffa500;]“I, um…”[/color] Takanuva turned bright red without ever having to use his light powers. [color=#ffa500;]“I…I just think that you are more beautiful than the island of Mata Nui, Toa Sparkledust!”[/color]

 

Toa Sparkledust blushed too just as the Toa of Light turned to leave. For a second, he stumbled and shook his head as if confused, then he straightened himself and walked out.

 

1,133 words


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#2 Offline MT Zehvor

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Posted Aug 07 2013 - 06:16 PM

[font="helvetica, arial, sans-serif;color:rgb(255,0,0);"]“With all due respect, Turaga, you’re old and not in the best shape!”[/font][color=rgb(40,40,40);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;] Raanu grabbed the Turaga’s hand and led him away from the robot, the shrieks of the Rahkshi behind them.[/color]

 

I don't think you can say that with any due respect. :P

 

[font="helvetica, arial, sans-serif;color:rgb(255,165,0);"]“I, um…”[/font][color=rgb(40,40,40);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;] Takanuva turned bright red without ever having to use his light powers. [/color][font="helvetica, arial, sans-serif;color:rgb(255,165,0);"]“I…I just think that you are more beautiful than the island of Mata Nui, Toa Sparkledust!”[/font]

That's, a, um...interesting confession.

 

-MT


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#3 Offline Meta-Mind

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Posted Aug 07 2013 - 09:23 PM

Why do I get the feeling this is going to quickly start Deconstructing the Mary Sue to death by having her be a mind-manipulating entity of some sort?  XP

 

Pretty amusing so far; I'll keep my eye on this story.


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#4 Offline Xodar

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Posted Aug 08 2013 - 06:48 PM

Chapter 2-Unforeseen

 

The Toa sat in a ring within the great tower, with Toa Sparkledust in the middle. All eyes were on the pink Toa. The Toa’s expressions were varied, ranging from apprehensive to friendly to, in the case of Takanuva, smitten. A few Glatorian were sat among the Toa as well, looking as confused as the Toa were.

 

“So…” Toa Kopaka stood up and approached the Toa. “You say you’re Turaga Nuju’s daughter.”

 

[color=#ffa500;]“Yep!”[/color] Toa Sparkledust chimed.

 

“From the future.” Kopaka continued, fixing an icy gaze on her.

 

[color=#ffa500;]“That’s right!”[/color]

 

“Can you tell us about yourself?”

 

Toa Sparkledust’s eyes welled up, as if she were about to cry.

 

[color=#ffa500;]“My past is incredibly tragic! My mother was killed in an attack when I was just a baby! My father is all I have left, but he was always busy with his duties as a Turaga and never had much time for me! I grew up never knowing the love of a mother!”[/color]

 

At this point, Takanuva stood up and pulled her into his arms.

 

“You’ve got to be kidding.” Kopaka rolled his eyes. “Do you know who your mother was?”

 

[color=#ffa500;]“Yes.”[/color] Sparkledust sniffed. [color=#ffa500;]“She was…”[/color]

 

An awkward silence followed. No-one spoke for several seconds until Sparkledust finally blurted out [color=#ffa500;]“KIINA!”[/color]

 

Kiina looked absolutely shocked. [color=#0000ff;]“Does this mean I…and Nuju…YUCK!”[/color] she protested. Nuju, on the other hand, didn’t seem to be protesting.

 

“Ahem, let’s get back on track.” Kopaka said, shushing Kiina, who looked more grumpy than usual now. “How did you become a Toa, and what is your element?”

 

Sparkledust looked confused. [color=#ffa500;]“Become a Toa? I was born a Toa. Since I was conceived from a Glatorian…” Kiina glowered down at her. “…and a Turaga, I was blessed with the powers of all the elements!”[/color]

 

There was silence in the chamber.

 

“HOW DOES THAT WORK?” Nuparu shouted with frustration apparent in his voice.

 

[color=#ffa500;]“I don’t know! I just accept it!”[/color] Sparkledust said. [color=#ffa500;]“Anyway, I was given the Mask of Time when I completed my training as a Toa.”[/color]

 

[color=#ff0000;]“Along with the Mask of Life?”[/color] Vakama spoke up, stepping forward.

 

[color=#ffa500;]“Nope. I got given this for being such an exceptional Toa.”[/color] Sparkledust said. [color=#ffa500;]“I was given it to change the past because I come from a war-torn future!”[/color]

 

All the Toa, Glatorian and Turaga in the room stared apprehensively.

 

[color=#ff0000;]“How can that be?”[/color] Ackar stood up.[color=#ff0000;] “We live in a time of peace. Our greatest enemies have been vanquished.”[/color]

 

[color=#ffa500;]“Not all of them.”[/color] Sparkledust said warningly. [color=#ffa500;]“Makuta Teridax still lives!”[/color]

 

[color=#ff0000;]“Okay, you’re lying.”[/color] Tahu finally stood up. [color=#ff0000;]“Teridax died in the reformation! We all saw it happen! He lies under Aqua Magna!”[/color]

 

[color=#ffa500;]“That doesn’t mean he’s dead!”[/color] Sparkledust protested. [color=#ffa500;]“In my future, he’s come back and taken over Spherus Magna! He killed my mother and almost killed me.”[/color]

 

Kiina looked almost beside herself with rage by now. [color=#0000ff;]“I wish I was dead.”[/color] She muttered.

 

“Speaking of her parentage, I have not been completely honest with you, my brothers.” Nuju stepped forward, gazing back at the hundred pairs of eyes. “I am not the Nuju you believe I am. I am…ACKAR!”

 

[color=#ff0000;]“WHAT?!”[/color] Ackar stood up and pointed at the frail Turaga. [color=#ff0000;]“No, you’re not! I’ve never been you in my life!”[/color]

 

“I’m a future you.” Nuju explained. “I came back to prepare the past for my daughter’s arrival.”

 

[color=#ff0000;]“I have the power of fire.”[/color] Ackar said bluntly.

 

“The journey through time changed me drastically.” Nuju hung his head. “I became a Ko-Matoran on Metru Nui.”

 

[color=#0000ff;]“So…Ackar and I…”[/color] Kiina blushed heavily. Though it wasn’t apparent on his face, Ackar had done the same.

 

“That makes your statement about how you acquired your powers irrelevant, seeing as you were apparently conceived by two Glatorian.” Kopaka gazed at her intently.

 

[color=#ffa500;]“No it doesn’t.”[/color] The Toa grinned cheerfully, gazing right into Kopaka’s eyes. For a moment, every Toa, Turaga and Glatorian in the chamber clutched at their heads. They felt a momentary spot of pressure inside their heads for a second.

 

“What am I saying? You’re absolutely right.” Kopaka said as the pressure faded. “Well, then, Toa…I’m not sure how to say your name, welcome to our time.” The others offered their own greetings. Toa Sparkledust smiled and stood up, talking with several Toa.

---

They all filed out of the chamber until only a handful of Toa and Glatorian remained. Kiina, Ackar, Nuparu, Onua, Tarix, Kongu, Raanu and Vakama convened once they were sure everyone had left.

 

“Something about our new friend is suspicious.” Onua broke the silence.

 

[color=#0000ff;]“You’re telling me!”[/color] Kiina said, her anger apparent. [color=#0000ff;]“How do two Glatorian create a Toa?”[/color]

 

[color=#ff0000;]“I do not know.” [/color]Vakama kept his level head. [color=#ff0000;]“Yet I suspect we shall find out. We must keep an eye on her.”[/color]

 

“I’ll do that.” Nuparu volunteered. His Mask of Stealth suited the task well. “She won’t even know I’m there.”

 

[color=#ff0000;]“Let’s hope so.”[/color] Ackar nodded. [color=#ff0000;]“Apparently, she’s my daughter. Is that even a thing?”[/color]

 

[color=#ff0000;]“It is not possible.”[/color] Vakama said. [color=#ff0000;]“That is what concerns me. Be vigilant, gathered friends. We must know more of this Toa before we can fully trust her.”[/color]

 

[color=#ff0000;]“Agreed.” [/color]Raanu nodded and left the chamber, the Toa and Glatorian following suit. Vakama walked over to a small shelf, where the dormant Mask of Life lay. He gazed up at the mask, seeing his own distorted reflection in the polished surface.

 

[color=#ff0000;]“Great Spirit…”[/color] he said, almost wistfully.[color=#ff0000;] “Help us. Please. Guide us in this strange hour.”[/color]

 

“Turaga!” came an out-of-breath voice from behind him. Vakama turned to see Kopeke, the Chronicler, leaning in the arch, apparently exhausted.

 

[color=#ff0000;]“Chronicler.”[/color] Vakama put on a friendly smile and slowly walked over to the Ko-Matoran. [color=#ff0000;]“Why the rush?”[/color]

 

“Raanu told me to come and find you.” Kopeke panted. “It’s the new Toa. She and Takanuva are kissing.”

 

Vakama almost dropped his badge of office, he was so surprised. [color=#ff0000;]“Take me to them.”[/color] He said, gathering himself together.

 

“Yes, Turaga.” The Chronicler showed him out of the chamber and down the stairs, into the Valley. It was difficult to miss the two Toa embracing and kissing.

 

[color=#ff0000;]“Mata Nui.”[/color] Vakama’s eyes widened.

 

[color=#ff0000;]“They certainly seem friendly for a couple of Toa who just met, don’t they?” [/color]Raanu appeared beside the Turaga.

 

Vakama could only nod as he witnessed the two Toa kissing passionately. He wondered what had brought on this sudden action in the Toa of Light. It didn’t seem like the Takanuva he knew.

 

Eventually, after what seemed like minutes, they stopped kissing. Sparkledust opened her eyes. For less than a split second, they flashed from her usual bright golden yellow to a bright angry red. This was only for a microscopic amount of time, and they returned to their regular colour.


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#5 Offline Xodar

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Posted Aug 10 2013 - 04:55 PM

Chapter 3-Truth

 

Over the next few days, Toa Sparkledust was trained by several Toa and Glatorian. Not surprisingly, she excelled in her instruction, even beating down Pohatu during close-quarter combat training. Everyone seemed to like her, especially Takanuva. Vakama often found them in each other’s arms in the night. Vakama couldn’t help but wonder about the nature of this new Toa. He often found himself taking walks with her, in which he would be told of this apparent future.

 

[color=#ffa500;]“Almost all the Toa are dead. A few survived, like Takanuva, and we got help from some Toa from another dimension because I used an Olmak. It wasn’t enough to defeat Teridax, though.” [/color]Sparkledust told him one day. [color=#ffa500;]“We needed lots of Toa. Anyone whose destiny it was to become a Toa, we made them Toa, and we made all the Turaga turn back into Toa to help us.”[/color]

 

Vakama decided not to question that action, or any other action she had taken. It would be like trying to play Kolhii with an Ash Bear. He left that conversation with a headache, just as he had with every conversation. Almost always after their talks, he went to the fortress within the Valley of the Maze and gazed up at the dormant Kanohi Ignika and pleaded for answers. None came.

 

None, that is, until one evening. Vakama had gathered his friends in the fortress and was deep in discussion with them.

 

“I’ve had ample time to observe her.” Nuparu said. “Every day she trains with us, talks to one of the Turaga, goes into the villages and talks to the Matoran and Agori, fights a Rahi or other beasts, then comes back here and spends her time…” the spaces under his mask’s eyeholes turned red. “…with Takanuva.”

Everyone else made awkward movements or cleared their throats.

 

[color=#ff0000;]“Yes, well…”[/color] Vakama said, diverting the topic away. [color=#ff0000;]“Onua, what have you gathered about her combat skills?”[/color]

 

“She hardly needs training.” The Toa Nuva rumbled. “I’ve never seen someone with so much fighting prowess. She managed to take down Pohatu and myself in one go.”

 

[color=#000080;]“It’s not natural.”[/color] Tarix agreed. [color=#000080;]“She must be using those Masks of hers.”[/color]

 

[color=#00ff00;]“Do we even know how she can use the Mask of Life without being cursed?”[/color] Kongu asked. [color=#00ff00;]“I remember-think hearing that it was Matoro’s destiny to wear the Mask, and…”[/color] he trailed off, knowing that everyone knew what happened next.

 

[color=#ff0000;]“But what about me turning into Turaga Nuju?” [/color]Ackar piped up. [color=#ff0000;]“Does that even make sense to anyone?”[/color]

 

[color=#ff0000;]“It is possible that our new Toa could have power over people’s minds.”[/color] Raanu thought. [color=#ff0000;]“Perhaps that’s how she’s able to seduce the Toa of Light.”[/color]

 

[color=#0000ff;]“Why convince a Turaga that he’s a transformed Glatorian from the future? That’s strange.”[/color] Kiina wondered.

 

“[color=#ff0000;]Perhaps there are elements of truth to her story.”[/color] Vakama pondered.

 

[color=#ff0000;]“Perha…wait.”[/color] Ackar paused. [color=#ff0000;]“You mean you believe that Nuju’s me?”[/color]

 

[color=#ff0000;]“Wha..what did I say?”[/color] Vakama looked up, confused. His expression changed to one of fear. [color=#ff0000;]“Mata Nui, her influence has been getting to me. We need the Great Spirit’s help more than ever now.”[/color]

 

As if it heard him, the Mask of Life suddenly lit up. Dimly, at first, but soon it glowed as bright as it had ever glowed. It reflected in Vakama’s eyes as he turned to stare at the golden Kanohi. The light filled the chamber, and suddenly everything whited out.

---

The group found themselves on the ground. As they picked themselves up, they noticed that the floor was a polished white. Indeed, everything around them was completely white, except for one thing, which stood out from the monochrome monotony.

 

Mata Nui stood before them, restored to his Glatorian form. He beamed at the sight of the collection of Toa, Glatorian, Turaga and Agori.

 

[color=#ff8c00;]“Welcome, my friends.”[/color] He stepped forwards, embracing Ackar and Kiina briefly, and clasping hands with Tarix.

 

[color=#0000ff;]“Mata Nui! It’s great to see you again!”[/color] Kiina cheered.

 

Then the Great Spirit turned his eyes to the denizens of the universe he once protected.

 

[color=#ff0000;]“Great Spirit!”[/color] Vakama said with reverence, lowering his head as a sign of respect. The others did the same.

 

[color=#ff8c00;]“There is no need for this, my children.”[/color] Mata Nui said. [color=#ff8c00;]“I am glad you have made Spherus Magna your home. How goes the search for the Great Beings?”[/color]

 

“Slowly.” Onua said plainly. “We have not heard from the search party for several days. I assume they must be passing through difficult terrain.”

 

[color=#ff8c00;]“I see.”[/color] Mata Nui nodded to the Toa of Earth, then turned back to the Turaga. [color=#ff8c00;]“Now, I believe you want to ask something of me.”[/color]

 

[color=#ff0000;]“Yes, Great Spirit.” [/color]Vakama gazed up at the masked face of the being that he had worshipped for so long. [color=#ff0000;]“A new Toa came into our midst. A Toa known as Sparkledust. She has surpassed both Toa and Glatorian in combat and power, and she wears the Masks of Life and Time. Who or what is she?”[/color]

 

The Great Spirit’s expression darkened. [color=#ff8c00;]“I thought never to hear of her again.”[/color]

 

“You’ve met her before?” Nuparu asked.

 

[color=#ff8c00;]“Once, when I observed the universe.”[/color] Mata Nui said, obviously remembering it clearly.[color=#ff8c00;] “I encountered a powerful beast. It put all of you in danger. I fought it and banished it to the coldest star.”[/color]

 

[color=#ff0000;]“What is this being?”[/color] Vakama asked, the wonder and horror apparent in his voice.

 

[color=#ff8c00;]“A monstrous creature.”[/color] Mata Nui said darkly. [color=#ff8c00;]“It feeds off the emotions of entire worlds until all that is left is a dead husk, its inhabitants reduced to less than what they were before. If it has come here in the form of a Toa, it means that Spherus Magna will fall.”[/color]

 

[color=#ff0000;]“What can we do to stop it?”[/color] Vakama pleaded.[color=#ff0000;] “You beat it once. Tell us how.”[/color]

 

[color=#ff8c00;]“I did not beat it. I merely banished it.”[/color] Mata Nui replied.[color=#ff8c00;] “It is far too powerful for even a being as strong as I.”[/color]

 

[color=#ff0000;]“Then we must banish it as well.”[/color] Vakama resolved. [color=#ff0000;]“To save Spherus Magna from a terrible fate.”[/color]

 

Mata Nui smiled at this. [color=#ff8c00;]“Your resolve is great, Vakama. I am sure you will be able to get it to leave Spherus Magna before the situation grows any worse.”[/color]

 

Then the Great Spirit stepped backwards, and was engulfed by the light. The next thing everyone knew, they were standing in the chamber again. The Mask of Life had dimmed once again.

 

[color=#ff0000;]“We know the truth.”[/color] Vakama addressed his comrades. [color=#ff0000;]“If we can convince the others, they will turn against her and we can drive her away from Spheru…”[/color]

 

He was interrupted again, this time by the Toa Mahri.

 

[color=#ff0000;]“Turaga! We have great news!”[/color] Jaller cheered.[color=#ff0000;] “Toa Sparkledust resurrected Matoro!”[/color]

 

Vakama was stunned. As the hunched Toa of Ice entered the chamber and bowed to the Turaga, he could only look horrified. What had Sparkledust done?


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#6 Online Makuta Jester

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Posted Aug 10 2013 - 05:33 PM

Good story, one of the best I've scene with a Toa named like that, especially with time travel and Nuju having a DAUGHTER!

More fun to read then one would think at first, keep it up!


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— Vezon to Trinuma, Destiny War

 

"Another Hafu original!"
— Hafu, Mata Nui Online Game 

 

The biggest sacrifice in bionicle. Its a tie between Matoro giving up his life to save the universe and Hafu knocking down his beloved pieces of nostalgia to save Po-Koro.

 


#7 Offline Jamags

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Posted Aug 11 2013 - 12:19 AM

Pohatu: And you should know that I am actually: TOA TAHU!

 

Tahu: Seriously?

 

Pohatu: No.

 

:P

 

Great story. My favorite part is Jamags-was-too-wise-to-even-try-to-type-her-name's name.

 

Also, how did you pay Takanuva to be in this story? :P

 

There was chocolate involved, wasn't there? :P


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#8 Offline Xodar

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Posted Aug 11 2013 - 02:02 AM

 

Also, how did you pay Takanuva to be in this story? :P

When I told him we were going to beat up a Mary Sue, he came running. :P


Edited by Xodar, Aug 11 2013 - 02:16 AM.

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#9 Offline Jamags

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Posted Aug 11 2013 - 11:21 AM

 

 

Also, how did you pay Takanuva to be in this story? :P

When I told him we were going to beat up a Mary Sue, he came running. :P

 

 

Little did he know... :P


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#10 Offline Xodar

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Posted Aug 11 2013 - 12:21 PM

 

 

 

Also, how did you pay Takanuva to be in this story? :P

When I told him we were going to beat up a Mary Sue, he came running. :P

 

 

Little did he know... :P

 

Just wait. It's going to get a lot worse.

 

Chapter 4-Dominion

 

While Kongu and Nuparu were overjoyed that their teammate had returned, they knew that it was through dark means. They seemed fairly morbid the next time Vakama saw them in the chamber. He could understand their plight. He had lost a brother before. It would be easier if Matoro stayed dead. Instead, being brought back by a creature that should be their foe. That made matters incredibly complicated for them. What if Matoro turned on them and killed them in their sleep, or converted them into the emotionless beings that the Great Spirit had described, or did something a lot worse? Yet, it seemed to be the real Matoro, walking and talking with his brothers and sisters again. There was no post-hypnotic suggestion in his mind (this had been confirmed when another Toa had scanned the Toa’s mind for any unknown elements). It was as if Matoro had never died at all. When questioned about what he saw after he died, the answer he gave wasn’t what Vakama had been expecting.

 

“When I died, I saw the Great Beings, and they let me into this place. I wasn’t sure where I was, but I was happy.” Matoro said, smiling wistfully. “I thought that Makuta would come and take me to the dark place.”

 

Vakama cast the Toa a curious look. [color=#ff0000;]“To where?”[/color]

 

“I mean, to Daxia.” Matoro corrected himself.

 

[color=#ff0000;]“Why would Makuta take you to Daxia? You were pure energy, from my understanding.” [/color]The Turaga said, wondering if Matoro wasn’t telling him the whole truth. Why would a Toa lie? It went against their very nature.

 

“And I saw Toa Nasarhehiel Moonflower Sparkledust there as well.” Matoro continued. “She got two rocks from the Great Spirit. She still has them.”

 

Vakama’s head spun for a number of reasons. The first of which being that Matoro had referred to the Toa by its full name, and was able to pronounce it perfectly. The second was he had seen the Toa be given something by the Great Spirit. That wasn’t possible. It was an enemy of the Great Spirit, not an ally. Why would he give this beast anything, even if he only gave her rocks? Perhaps these rocks had some kind of value, and the false Toa had wanted to get its hands on them for some reason.

 

[color=#ff0000;]“Does she still have these stones?”[/color] he asked.

 

“Yeah.” Matoro nodded. “She’s showing them to everyone. If you want, you can come and take a look at them.” The Toa got up and led Vakama out of the fortress and in the direction of the fallen Prototype Robot, where Toa Sparkledust stood on a pedestal, displaying the stones. They were a dusty brown, and cut into slabs. Vakama noticed there were several carvings in the Agori language inscribed on them.

 

[color=#ffa500;]“People of Spherus Magna! The Great Beings have sent me these rules for us all to follow to create a better universe!”[/color] Toa Sparkledust said, beginning to read off the stones.

 

[color=#ffa500;]“Rule number 1. Disregard your Turaga and other ruler, for Toa Sparkledust is your absolute leader now! She is…”[/color] a slight blush crossed her face for a second, before she shook it away and kept on reading. [color=#ffa500;]“She is perfect and will bring our creations into a new paradigm of peace and harmony! What she says is law!”[/color]

 

[color=#ff0000;]“Oh no.”[/color] Vakama gasped. Nuparu heard him and crouched beside him.

 

“I’m guessing that isn’t a good thing.” The Toa of Earth said cautiously.

 

[color=#ff0000;]“It isn’t. The Great Spirit warned us about this.”[/color] Vakama remembered. He couldn’t let the false Toa do this. Under its influence, Spherus Magna would fall into oblivion. He needed to do something before she ensnared the inhabitants of Spherus Magna into her slaves.

 

[color=#ffa500;]“Rule number 2.”[/color] Sparkledust continued. [color=#ffa500;]“Only people Toa Sparkledust deems worthy of each other will be allowed to become couples.”[/color]

 

There was an undercurrent of anger and sadness as the crowd whispered to one another. This seemed a little restrictive to them.

 

[color=#ffa500;]“As Sparkledust is the master of shipping, it is her job to ship everyone correctly!”[/color] Sparkledust, continued, smiling in what Vakama assumed was a cute fashion. He heard Kopeke retch behind him.

 

[color=#ffa500;]“Third rule. Sparkledust is hereby granted powers of a Great Being.”[/color] Sparkledust continued to read.

 

Vakama was about to groan in despair, but he was suddenly enveloped by a bright light, much like when he had communed with Mata Nui.

---

Once again, he found himself on a white floor, surrounded by nothing, except for a figure that seemed as though it were far off in the distance.

 

[color=#ff0000;]“Great Spirit?” [/color]Vakama asked as he got up, propping his frail frame upright with his badge of office.

 

[color=#daa520;]“Not quite.”[/color] the figure said, in a soft, almost ethereal voice, walking closer to the Turaga. Vakama gasped. He was staring at a very familiar shape, yet the voice it spoke with didn’t match up at all.

 

[color=#ff0000;]“Are you...Toa Lhikan?”[/color] Vakama gaped.

 

[color=#daa520;]“No. I merely took this appearance to make you feel more comfortable.”[/color] The being said, kneeling down so it was face to face with Vakama. It unnerved him, to stare into that familiar face, only to discover that it wasn’t the Toa he thought it was.

 

[color=#ff0000;]“Then who are you?”[/color]

 

[color=#daa520;]“Your kind knows me as a “Great Being”. However, among my fellows, I am called Canon.” [/color]The false Lhikan said.[color=#daa520;] “I have come because I have felt a disturbance among creation.”[/color]

 

[color=#ff0000;]“Toa Sparkledust.”[/color] Vakama said, nodding in understanding. [color=#ff0000;]“Is it true? Did the Great Beings give her the stones and resurrect Matoro?”[/color]

 

[color=#daa520;]“We did not.”[/color] Canon said. [color=#daa520;]“Your Toa of Ice should have remained dead, and we have no intention of bestowing our power upon such a vile beast. It is most likely a fictional construct created to win the inhabitants of our world over to it, so that it may devour their emotions and twist our creations.”[/color] Vakama detected a hint of anger in the Great Being’s soft voice.

 

[color=#ff0000;]“What can I do about it? I am just a Turaga. My destiny was completed a long time ago.”[/color]

 

[color=#daa520;]“You forget your own words, Vakama.” [/color]Canon gazed at the Turaga right in the eyes. [color=#daa520;]“Your three virtues. I assume you remember them.”[/color]

 

[color=#ff0000;]“Unity, duty, destiny.”[/color] Vakama recited effortlessly.

 

[color=#daa520;]“It begins with unity.”[/color] Canon said. [color=#daa520;]“You are not alone. You have the Agori Raanu, those Toa of yours, and the Glatorian who once sided with Mata Nui. If they stand with you, nothing, not even a beast such as that, will be able to stand up to you. We will give you our assistance against it when the time is right. Until that time, you must be strong, Turaga Vakama. As strong as you were when you were a Toa. We will watch over you and come to your aid when you need it the most.”[/color]

 

[color=#ff0000;]“Why…”[/color] Vakama began, then the vision ended as suddenly as it had come upon the Turaga. He found himself at the foot of the Prototype Robot, with his secret compatriots gathered with him.

 

[color=#ff0000;]“I have a message to pass on from the Great Beings.”[/color] Vakama said, a triumphant smile on his face. [color=#ff0000;]“They will assist us in acheiving our goal.”[/color]


Edited by Xodar, Aug 12 2013 - 11:31 AM.

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#11 Offline Jamags

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Posted Aug 11 2013 - 09:37 PM

I sense a disturbance in the force, as though a thousand reasonably good fanfic writers and critics cried out in terror, and were silenced.

 

Also, LOL Canon. He wouldn't happen to be a camera enthusiast, would he? :P

 

And I can't believe it took me this long to figure out that Sparkledust is an actual Mary Sue and not just a character with Sueish traits.

 

Alright. My turn for rules.

 

Rule one: I'm awesome.

 

Rule two: I seriously need to get back to writing my comedy, and only spend half my time obsessively waiting for updates on this one. :P

 

Rule three:

 

...

 

...

 

...

 

I can't think of one. :P


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#12 Offline Xodar

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Posted Aug 12 2013 - 11:40 AM

Also, LOL Canon. He wouldn't happen to be a camera enthusiast, would he? :P

Nah, that would be too easy a joke :P


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#13 Offline MT Zehvor

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Posted Aug 12 2013 - 07:33 PM

[color=rgb(255,0,0);]“What can I do about it? I am just a Turaga. My destiny was completed a long time ago.”[/color]

 

[color=rgb(218,165,32);]“You forget your own words, Vakama.” [/color]Canon gazed at the Turaga right in the eyes. [color=rgb(218,165,32);]“Your three virtues. I assume you remember them.”[/color]

 

[color=rgb(255,0,0);]“Unity, duty, destiny.”[/color] Vakama recited effortlessly.

 

HE FORGOT TUMA.

 

[font="helvetica, arial, sans-serif;color:rgb(255,165,0);"]“Rule number 2.”[/font][color=rgb(40,40,40);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;] Sparkledust continued. [/color][font="helvetica, arial, sans-serif;color:rgb(255,165,0);"]“Only people Toa Sparkledust deems worthy of each other will be allowed to become couples.”[/font]

 

 

 

The collective shipping parts of the internet sighed deeply here. :P

 

Good chappies, Xodar. KUTGW.

 

-MT


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#14 Offline Xodar

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Posted Aug 13 2013 - 05:11 PM

[color=rgb(40,40,40);][font="helvetica;"][color=rgb(255,0,0);]What can I do about it? I am just a Turaga. My destiny was completed a long time ago.[/color][/color][/font][color=rgb(40,40,40);][font="helvetica;"] [/color][/font][color=rgb(40,40,40);][font="helvetica;"][color=rgb(218,165,32);]You forget your own words, Vakama. [/color]Canon gazed at the Turaga right in the eyes. [color=rgb(218,165,32);]Your three virtues. I assume you remember them.[/color][/color][/font][color=rgb(40,40,40);][font="helvetica;"] [/color][/font][color=rgb(40,40,40);][font="helvetica;"][color=rgb(255,0,0);]Unity, duty, destiny.[/color] Vakama recited effortlessly.[/color][/font] 

HE FORGOT TUMA. 

[color=rgb(255,165,0);][font="helvetica;"]Rule number 2.[/color][/font][color=rgb(40,40,40);][font="helvetica;"] Sparkledust continued. [/color][/font][color=rgb(255,165,0);][font="helvetica;"]Only people Toa Sparkledust deems worthy of each other will be allowed to become couples.[/color][/font]   

The collective shipping parts of the internet sighed deeply here. :P Good chappies, Xodar. KUTGW. -MT
Glad you're enjoying it so far. There's plenty more hijinks still yet to ensue yet.

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#15 Offline Xodar

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Posted Jan 13 2014 - 02:46 PM

Since the most recent chapter of this somewhat epic tale was unfortunately lost to the sands of downtime, I should probably repost it.

 

Chapter 5-Irresponsible

 

The next few months were like a waking nightmare for Vakama and his comrades. Toa Sparkledust tightened her hold over Spherus Magna and its inhabitants. Yet, they were happy about it. It seemed as if they would do anything to make Sparkledust happy, especially Takanuva, who spent almost all of his time with her. The two Toa always found time to be together. Vakama couldn’t help but suspect brainwashing of some kind. Sparkledust proved to be almost as tyrannical as Teridax had been when he was alive. It was a different kind of tyranny, though. She seemed benevolent enough on the surface, but anyone who didn’t agree with her stance on matters were sent to her, and never seen again. She also “advised” the denizens of Spherus Magna about relationships. “Advised” was a tenuous word, because she often forced denizens into relationships, particularly when they didn’t want it. One night, Vakama noticed Sparkledust waving at Pohatu and Onua, who were holding hands and looking very nervous.

 

Neither Vakama nor Raanu could do anything about it. They had lost their authority. They too had to submit to the rule of Toa Sparkledust. They hated it, as did the other Turaga. Most acquiesced to the Toa and submitted, but not Vakama. The fire still raged inside him, and he would find a way to bring her down.

Then Toa Sparkledust requested his presence at her castle. That was another thing Vakama didn’t like about this new regime. Toa Sparkledust had built a giant castle over the Prototype Robot, with a giant statue of herself at the base. The statue itself was made of glittering gold protodermis, and depicted Sparkledust sitting atop a mighty throne, with Takanuva at her side, kissing her. At least, that was what it looked like to Vakama.

 

As he crossed the obscenely clean and grand hallway within the castle that lead to the throne room, Vakama grew nervous. What if she was onto them? He doubted it. They had been fairly discreet in their meetings. Then again, when they last met, he had the most fleeting suspicion that they were being watched. He wanted to believe that no-one would betray him like that, but every day he was proved wrong, as people went out of their way to do things for Toa Sparkledust. The Great Being had warned them about this. Unfortunately, he didn’t tell Vakama how to defeat her. For what it was worth, he may need to work that out himself.

 

“Turaga Vakama?” came a familiar voice from behind the Turaga. The elderly being turned and almost fell backwards with shock. Standing before him was Toa Gali, adorned with curious garments. Vakama thought initially that it was new armour, except that it really only covered her torso. A black skirt covered her waist, but only just, and a strange white frilly appendage had been added to her mask. Vakama didn’t need to wear a Suletu to know she was embarrassed about wearing it.

 

“Goshujinsama is waiting for you.” Gali said, her voice wavering nervously.

 

“Who?” Vakama narrowed his eyes at her. He had never heard her use that word before.

 

“Through here.” Gali opened a handsome wooden door, revealing the throne room. Toa Sparkledust was sitting on a mighty golden throne that seemed to be made out of Kanohi. It was somewhat disconcerting to see the masks staring out at him from their twisted and mangled forms.

 

Sparkledust gazed at Vakama through those piercing yellow eyes she had. She looked determined, as if she planned to extract all of Vakama’s secrets in one moment.

 

“Turaga Vakama. Thank you for coming to see me.” She smiled sweetly as the Turaga approached her throne. “Normally, I’d ask people to kneel, but I’ll make an exception for you.”

 

I didn’t come by choice, Vakama thought to himself.

 

“Toa Sparkledust. I am glad to have been received by you.” He said, not meaning a word of it. “Can I ask why I have been summoned here?”

 

“Yes.” Sparkledust said. “I understand that you are dissatisfied with my new regime. Would you mind telling me why?”

 

Vakama nodded. “You appear out of nowhere wearing two legendary Kanohi and destroy a group of giant Rahkshi that I have never seen before. You change destiny by resurrecting Matoro, and take control of Spherus Magna because of some rules apparently devised by the Great Beings. You will forgive me if I question your worthiness, Toa.”

 

Sparkledust gazed at him for a few seconds, and then laughed. “Oh, Vakama. I don’t know where you get the notion that I’m lying. It’s all true. For example, look at what I can do to you.”

 

She extended her hand, and a pulse of bright red light filled the room. Vakama raised his arms across his head, in an attempt to block the light from reaching him. He couldn’t stop it. It seeped into him, and charged him with energy. It actually felt good, as if he were being rejuvenated after a long fight. Soon, the light faded, though Vakama still felt the energy charging him. He lowered his arms, only to stop and gaze at them. They had elongated, and turned a brighter shade of red. With one hand, he felt his arm, and moved up to his shoulder. Armour covered his entire arm. He looked down. He had grown. He stood as tall as a Toa. Fearing what he thought had happened would be true, he pressed his hands to his mask. It had changed shape. No longer was it a Noble Huna. It had become a Great Huna.

 

“Mata Nui…” Vakama’s mouth fell open. “I’m a Toa again. This is wrong. I fulfilled my destiny. I can’t be a Toa anymore! Please, Toa, change me back!”

 

Sparkledust shook her head. “See? The Great Beings gave me the elemental power of Destiny.”

 

“DESTINY ISN’T EVEN AN ELEMENTAL POWER!” Vakama cried, clutching his mask in despair.

 

“It is now.” Sparkledust smiled. “That’s the second reason I called you here. I asked you here to tell you that Takanuva and I are getting married.”

 

“Getting…what?” Vakama tilted his head at her. “Why are you using nonsense words?”

 

“Does no-one on Spherus Magna know what a wedding is?” Sparkledust groaned. “It’s an occasion where two people become partners for life.”

 

“I don’t know what that is.” Vakama said. “Now, kindly change me back into a Turaga.”

 

“I’m afraid I can’t do that until after I marry Takanuva.” Sparkledust smiled at him almost sinisterly. "Now, run along, Toa Vakama."


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#16 Offline adisklauncher

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Posted Feb 06 2014 - 06:06 PM

Since the most recent chapter of this somewhat epic tale was unfortunately lost to the sands of downtime, I should probably repost it.

 

Chapter 5-Irresponsible

 

The next few months were like a waking nightmare for Vakama and his comrades. Toa Sparkledust tightened her hold over Spherus Magna and its inhabitants. Yet, they were happy about it. It seemed as if they would do anything to make Sparkledust happy, especially Takanuva, who spent almost all of his time with her. The two Toa always found time to be together. Vakama couldn’t help but suspect brainwashing of some kind. Sparkledust proved to be almost as tyrannical as Teridax had been when he was alive. It was a different kind of tyranny, though. She seemed benevolent enough on the surface, but anyone who didn’t agree with her stance on matters were sent to her, and never seen again. She also “advised” the denizens of Spherus Magna about relationships. “Advised” was a tenuous word, because she often forced denizens into relationships, particularly when they didn’t want it. One night, Vakama noticed Sparkledust waving at Pohatu and Onua, who were holding hands and looking very nervous.

 

Neither Vakama nor Raanu could do anything about it. They had lost their authority. They too had to submit to the rule of Toa Sparkledust. They hated it, as did the other Turaga. Most acquiesced to the Toa and submitted, but not Vakama. The fire still raged inside him, and he would find a way to bring her down.

Then Toa Sparkledust requested his presence at her castle. That was another thing Vakama didn’t like about this new regime. Toa Sparkledust had built a giant castle over the Prototype Robot, with a giant statue of herself at the base. The statue itself was made of glittering gold protodermis, and depicted Sparkledust sitting atop a mighty throne, with Takanuva at her side, kissing her. At least, that was what it looked like to Vakama.

 

As he crossed the obscenely clean and grand hallway within the castle that lead to the throne room, Vakama grew nervous. What if she was onto them? He doubted it. They had been fairly discreet in their meetings. Then again, when they last met, he had the most fleeting suspicion that they were being watched. He wanted to believe that no-one would betray him like that, but every day he was proved wrong, as people went out of their way to do things for Toa Sparkledust. The Great Being had warned them about this. Unfortunately, he didn’t tell Vakama how to defeat her. For what it was worth, he may need to work that out himself.

 

“Turaga Vakama?” came a familiar voice from behind the Turaga. The elderly being turned and almost fell backwards with shock. Standing before him was Toa Gali, adorned with curious garments. Vakama thought initially that it was new armour, except that it really only covered her torso. A black skirt covered her waist, but only just, and a strange white frilly appendage had been added to her mask. Vakama didn’t need to wear a Suletu to know she was embarrassed about wearing it.

 

“Goshujinsama is waiting for you.” Gali said, her voice wavering nervously.

 

“Who?” Vakama narrowed his eyes at her. He had never heard her use that word before.

 

“Through here.” Gali opened a handsome wooden door, revealing the throne room. Toa Sparkledust was sitting on a mighty golden throne that seemed to be made out of Kanohi. It was somewhat disconcerting to see the masks staring out at him from their twisted and mangled forms.

 

Sparkledust gazed at Vakama through those piercing yellow eyes she had. She looked determined, as if she planned to extract all of Vakama’s secrets in one moment.

 

“Turaga Vakama. Thank you for coming to see me.” She smiled sweetly as the Turaga approached her throne. “Normally, I’d ask people to kneel, but I’ll make an exception for you.”

 

I didn’t come by choice, Vakama thought to himself.

 

“Toa Sparkledust. I am glad to have been received by you.” He said, not meaning a word of it. “Can I ask why I have been summoned here?”

 

“Yes.” Sparkledust said. “I understand that you are dissatisfied with my new regime. Would you mind telling me why?”

 

Vakama nodded. “You appear out of nowhere wearing two legendary Kanohi and destroy a group of giant Rahkshi that I have never seen before. You change destiny by resurrecting Matoro, and take control of Spherus Magna because of some rules apparently devised by the Great Beings. You will forgive me if I question your worthiness, Toa.”

 

Sparkledust gazed at him for a few seconds, and then laughed. “Oh, Vakama. I don’t know where you get the notion that I’m lying. It’s all true. For example, look at what I can do to you.”

 

She extended her hand, and a pulse of bright red light filled the room. Vakama raised his arms across his head, in an attempt to block the light from reaching him. He couldn’t stop it. It seeped into him, and charged him with energy. It actually felt good, as if he were being rejuvenated after a long fight. Soon, the light faded, though Vakama still felt the energy charging him. He lowered his arms, only to stop and gaze at them. They had elongated, and turned a brighter shade of red. With one hand, he felt his arm, and moved up to his shoulder. Armour covered his entire arm. He looked down. He had grown. He stood as tall as a Toa. Fearing what he thought had happened would be true, he pressed his hands to his mask. It had changed shape. No longer was it a Noble Huna. It had become a Great Huna.

 

“Mata Nui…” Vakama’s mouth fell open. “I’m a Toa again. This is wrong. I fulfilled my destiny. I can’t be a Toa anymore! Please, Toa, change me back!”

 

Sparkledust shook her head. “See? The Great Beings gave me the elemental power of Destiny.”

 

“DESTINY ISN’T EVEN AN ELEMENTAL POWER!” Vakama cried, clutching his mask in despair.

 

“It is now.” Sparkledust smiled. “That’s the second reason I called you here. I asked you here to tell you that Takanuva and I are getting married.”

 

“Getting…what?” Vakama tilted his head at her. “Why are you using nonsense words?”

 

“Does no-one on Spherus Magna know what a wedding is?” Sparkledust groaned. “It’s an occasion where two people become partners for life.”

 

“I don’t know what that is.” Vakama said. “Now, kindly change me back into a Turaga.”

 

“I’m afraid I can’t do that until after I marry Takanuva.” Sparkledust smiled at him almost sinisterly. "Now, run along, Toa Vakama."

man why would vakama want to be a stupid old fart again? that makes no sense, his toa form is so great I could just stroke his eyebrows all day :)

and on a side note, that was too long to read and not funny at all. put in adam sandler, he can make anything into comedy genius :)


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