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Nowhere: Review Topic


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9 replies to this topic

#1 Offline Exitium

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Posted Aug 18 2013 - 03:27 PM

This is the review topic for Nowhere.

 

The second worst fate that can befall a work such as this is for it to be met predominately with negative criticism.  This fear has lead plenty of writers, myself included, to spend numerous hours agonizing over their work, hoping to make it perfect, and in the process realizing that doing so is impossible.  Every author faces some fear sending their masterpiece out into the world in its woefully imperfect state, an especially painful task for a perfectionist like myself.

 

I began working on Nowhere in the fall of 2010, and it has undergone quite the transformation since then.  Remarkably, the final product closely matches the plot that I scribbled down on a piece of paper when the idea first came to me, though the title, characters, and larger themes changed dramatically.  Both the protagonist, Veelix, and the setting, Kia Nui, date back to late 2007, though they share little in common with their ultimate counterparts other than name.  I completed the first draft around Christmas of 2012, and as a result, the style and thematic emphasis shifted subtly as it progressed.

 

Nowhere is not an epic.  It is a story about a single Matoran, and there are no battles, no unambiguously evil characters, and no undeniably heroic figures.  While some authors assure their readers they mean nothing more than what is written on the page, I would be lying if I said that the story is not intended to provoke thought on certain topics.  That said, the beliefs of the characters are theirs alone, not mine, and trying to discover my beliefs through my portrayal of Matoran governance and worship of Mata Nui is the wrong reason to read Nowhere.

 

The worst fate a work can befall is for it to go completely unnoticed, which is perhaps one of the most discouraging circumstances that writers can find themselves in.  Conversely, nothing will encourage me to work more than to hear your feedback, any amount of which will be sincerely appreciated.  I know there is a lot of emphasis on providing constructive criticism, but even if you can find nothing good to say about Nowhere, I would like to hear that too.  Of course, I hope you do enjoy reading this story nearly as much I enjoyed writing it.


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Memory (Memoirs of the Dead Entry)

Nowhere Current Status: Chapter 15

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#2 Offline krikanalo

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Posted Aug 18 2013 - 09:41 PM

very interesting start. i like how you've developed your OC so far.


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#3 Offline krikanalo

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Posted Aug 21 2013 - 12:15 AM

another well-written chapter. i liked the dialogue and use of detail.


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#4 Offline Toa of Italy

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Posted Nov 10 2013 - 05:44 AM

Very interesting.

 

I liked the idea that seems to be the basis of your epic, to question the values that drive Matoran society not only on Kia Nui, but in the canon Matoran Universe as well, where, like on the island you've created, Matoran labor continuously but no satisfactory explanation for their work and their laws is ever asked for nor given.

 

The other aspect I particularly appreciated was the way you recreated many of the places and realities of the main storyline (especially of the island of Mata Nui) but then added some details which made them unique but not too complicated.

This process, however, was most successful where Veelix's character is concerned: obviously inspired by Takua and, like him, an outsider (and a partially-amnesiac one at that), he is, however, more inquisitive and critical than Takua ever was.


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#5 Offline Akavakaku

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Posted Jun 17 2014 - 05:53 PM

Just finished it, fascinating and thought-provoking. Are you going to finish it?
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#6 Offline LanceMuch7

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Posted Jun 30 2014 - 08:09 PM

Four chapters in and loving the story so far. Keep up the great work!

 

Honestly the only bone I have to pick with it is a small detail about Keller's explanation of making a basic assumption to build on. In reality, no proof is ever assumed and is derived from an unchanging pattern. The line example used, for instance, doesn't assume that parallel lines never intersect, the fact can be proved by plugging any number into the equation of the two lines.

 

However, I know this would take away from your story's effect, and I can't think of any good substitutes to use for that dialog. Still though, the story itself is great and minor details like the above can EASILY be overlooked.


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#7 Offline Exitium

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Posted Jul 02 2014 - 11:45 PM

Thanks for the reviews, everyone, I really do appreciate them.  After spending so many years writing this, it's nice to know that someone's reading it, and of course I'm always interested to know what you liked and what should be improved.
 
Some comments on Chapter 15 for anyone who's interested (spoilers for Chapter 15 obviously):
 

Spoiler

 
@lanceMuch7: Thanks for the review!  I thought there was a postulate about parallel lines, but after looking it up, it appears I was remembering it incorrectly.  Oh well, but thanks for pointing that out.

 

@Akavakaku: I'm glad you liked it!  I have every intention of finishing and will hopefully do so soon now that I have less on my plate (only three more chapters to go).  I am entirely confident that I will finish, since a completed manuscript is sitting on my computer just waiting for a final edit spree, which I'm doing chapter by chapter.  Even if I entirely gave up on that, I could always just post that, so at any rate, you'll definitely get to find out how it ends.

 

@Toa of Italy: Oddly enough I didn't realize how much MNOLG had influenced this until I was far into the story (which is kind of silly in retrospect), but I decided to embrace it because I think the similarity to that story highlights the differences between this island and the ones we're familiar with.  MNOLG was also my first introduction to the Bionicle story and remains one of the highlights of Bionicle lore, so I think it's only natural that it left its mark on my work.


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Memory (Memoirs of the Dead Entry)

Nowhere Current Status: Chapter 15

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#8 Offline Akavakaku

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Posted Jul 06 2014 - 02:24 PM

Another great chapter! Plenty of unexpected turns.
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( The bunny slippers hiss and slither into the shadows. ) 

-Takuaka: Toa of Time

Marendar, the Legend of Spherus Magna: http://www.bzpower.c...-spherus-magna/

 

Get in the Robot entry: Kalmah's Conquest Exo http://www.bzpower.c...s-conquest-exo/

 

My BZRPG character: http://www.bzpower.c...pages/?p=668767

 


#9 Offline Shadow Blaze

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Posted Jul 14 2014 - 03:29 AM

An awesome story. Keep up the good work!


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 May his sacrifice not be in vain


#10 Offline LanceMuch7

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Posted Jul 20 2014 - 09:49 PM

One of the things I love about this is how well it draws the reader in to Veelix's point of view. I find myself constantly pausing and asking, "where is he trying to go with this story? What is he trying to say?" -- not much different of a question than what Veelix keeps asking.
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