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AxXon (OLD)

exxon gas station axonn archives

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3 replies to this topic

#1 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

Lewa0111 Nuva
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Posted Nov 03 2013 - 07:02 AM

Anybody remember this old comedy? As the name implies, it's based on ExXon gas stations. To summarize, Axonn (who changed his name), Brutaka, Jaller, Hahli, Minifigure Kongu, and some other characters run a gas station for BIONICLE characters, and insanity happens. This comedy was first written in late 2006, and never had too many chapters in the first place. Which, thankfully, means not a whole lot was lost. So anyway, here it is again!

 

(NOTE: Everything below this point was reposted verbatim from the original)

 

AxXon: Chapter 1
A Gas Station Comedy!

Axxon: Umm...since when are there gas stations in BIONICLE???

Lewa0111: Because I said so! And your name sounds enough like ExXon to work.

Axxon: Oh, okay.

Narrator: One day, Axxon, Brutaka, Jaller, Hahli, and Minifigure Kongu were wandering around.

Jaller: Wander wander wander...

Narrator: YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY 'WANDER' JUST DO IT!!

Jaller: Sheesh.

Narrator: Anyway, they were all wandering when suddenly Makuta came running out of nowhere and stealled all their money!

Axxon: It's 'stole' not 'stealled!'

Narrator: Hey! I never went to college!

Everyone:

Jaller: Hey guys! We lost all our money!

Minifigure Kongu: Thanks for the news flash, Captain Obvious.

Jaller:  I'll step on you!

Minifigure Kongu:

Jaller: That's better.

Brutaka: BETTER! SMASH STUFF!!

Axxon: How can we make money?

Hahli: What about running a fast food restaurant?

Minifigure Kongu: Nah, too cliche.

Brutaka: CLICHE! SMASH STUFF!!

Axxon: Let's just pretend we don't know him.

All 3 Inika: Good idea.

Jaller: I know! I got an idea, Axxon!

Axxon: What?

Jaller: We could run a gas station, and call it 'Axxon'!

Axxon: Okay...but let's capitalize the second 'X'.

Jaller: Why?

Axxon: Because that way we can copy off of ExXon.

Jaller: That makes sense.

Axxon: So where will we get construction workers from?

Lewa0111: I have some we can borrow from 'The Nuva Inn!'

*All of a sudden, 1,000 monkeys appear and build a gas station in 10 seconds, then disappear*

Hahli:

Lewa0111: What?

Axxon: Now for the sign.

Brutaka: SIGN! SMASH STUFF!!

Axxon: I don't know. Let's decide jobs. I'll be the manager, because it's named after me. Jaller, you can be assistant manager, and Brutaka will be the cashier. Hahli, you'll work the gas valve pump things, and Minifigure Kongu, you can be the janitor.

Minifigure Kongu: Why do I have to be janitor?

Axxon: Because I'll step on you if you don't!

Minifigure Kongu:

*Later...*

*Takanuva pulls up in his Ussanui*

Takanuva: I'll get some gas, please.

Hahli: What kind? Regular, Protodermisally Charged, or Really Old Car Gas?

Takanuva: Protodermisally? Is that even a word?

Hahli: It is now.

Takanuva: Oh, okay. You know, I think you're kind of hot.

*Jaller runs out*

Jaller: DON'T TOUCH MY GIRLFRIEND!!

Takanuva: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! *goes flying to the moon*

*On the moon*

Takanuva: That's one small step for Toa, one giant leap for BIONICLEkind!

*Back at AxXon*

Axxon: *puts up a sign that says, 'AxXon'* There! B)

Jaller: Great! But how will we get customers?

Hahli: Oh well. Let's fill 'er up! *starts pumping Protodermisally Charged gasoline into the Ussanui, then walks over to Jaller*

Jaller: Was that good enough for you?

Hahli: Of course!

Minifigure Kongu: Knock it off with the 'wub' emoticons!!!

Jaller and Hahli: Fine.

Brutaka: FINE! SMASH STUFF!!

*Suddenly they hear a hissing sound*

Jaller: Hahli, did you remember to watch the gas tank being filled?

Hahli: Err...umm...gotta go! *runs inside*

Ussanui: BOOM!! *explodes*

Jaller: That went well.

Lewa0111: Hopefully Chapter 2 will be better.

THE END

Ussanui: Hey! I only got one line in the entire chapter!

Lewa0111: You can't even talk!

Ussanui: Oh yeah.

Likey? No likey? Pie? Please post! Also, I AM accepting Guest Stars, so PM away!


Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Dec 15 2013 - 06:45 AM.

  • 0

My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

Roporak being useful? I suppose there's a first time for everything...

--Boggarak, Ask Matau!, Chapter 23

ANNOUNCEMENT: Back to the forums at long last! Currently in the process of fixing the formatting issue that has plagued all four of my main comedies. I'll get back to writing eventually!


#2 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

Lewa0111 Nuva
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Posted Nov 04 2013 - 10:32 AM

Now time for Chapter 2, featuring Onewa Fan!

AxXon: Chapter 2
The First Guest Star OR Since when were there chapter titles in AxXon?

Jaller: You know, the title writing guy has a point.

TWG: Hey thanks! Lewa0111 hired me the other day.

*And me, the Caption Writing Guy!*

Narrator: Don't forget me.

Jaller: Sheesh! How much money do you have, Lewa0111?

Brutaka: MONEY! SMASH STUFF!!

Lewa0111: Oh, enough.

*You see Lewa0111 rolling in a huge pile of money*

Lewa0111: HEY! CWG, you're fired.

*WAAH!*

(Hi, I'm the new CWG.)

Lewa0111: Never mind, I hate parenthesis. I'll hire back the old CWG.

( )

*Howdy! I'm back!*

Minifigure Kongu: Umm...can we just get back to the point of this chapter? I wanna DO SOMETHING!!

Everyone else: We'll step on you!

Minifigure Kongu:

Axxon: What do we do now? I'm bored.

Jaller: *whispering in his ear*: You should reduce all gas prices by w0.05.

Axxon: Okay! EVERYONE, WE'RE REDUCING PRICES BY w0.05!

*A huge line of cars pulls up*

Jaller: See? Told you!

Hahli: You have such great ideas.

 

Brutaka: IDEAS! SMASH STUFF!!

Axxon: How will we ever staff all of these stations?

Jaller: *whispering in his ear* Start holding job interviews.

Axxon: I got it! We'll start holding job interviews! MINIFIGURE KONGU, GET A SIGN PUT UP!

Minifigure Kongu: Why should I?

Axxon and Jaller: We'll step on you!

Minifigure Kongu: Sheesh. Just because I'm small... *puts up sign*

Narrator: Later...

*A brown version of Toa Onewa walks into Axxon's office*

Toa: Hi, my name's Onewa Fan.

Lewa0111: That's not fair! Typing out 'Minifigure Kongu' is long enough!

Jaller, Axxon, and Onewa Fan:

Onewa Fan: If it's that tough, you can shorten it to OF.

Lewa0111: That's much better, actually!

Axxon: Now, you can be hired, and you'll work the gas service with Hahli. You'll get paid w2 an hour.

OF: Woohoo!

Jaller: *whispering in Axxon's ear* Hire him.

Axxon: You're hired!

OF: Woohoo!

 

*Inside, Minifigure Kongu is eating turkey*

Minifigure Kongu: This is good turkey.

Brutaka: TURKEY! SMASH STUFF!!

*OF walks by, steals the turkey and eats it all in one bite, then leaves*

Minifigure Kongu: HEY!

OF: I'll step on you!

Minifigure Kongu: You've been spending too much time with Jaller, haven't you?

OF:

Axxon: Well, that was fun. How much did we make today?

Lewa0111: I don't know, let me go find a temporary money counter for you guys.

Narrator: Twelve hours later...

*The sun suddenly falls down and the moon pops up, and everyone's sleeping*

Lewa0111: Here's the new money counter, Bob!

Bob: Hi guys!

Axxon: ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Jaller: Huh? Whazzat? NO! NOT THE BOHROK!

Hahli: Oh, Jaller...

Minifigure Kongu: I wish I was bigger...zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

OF: ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz...turkey...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Brutaka: ZZZZZZZZZZ! SMASH STUFF!! ZZZZZZZZZZ!

Bob: Anyway, we made a total of 9,321 widgets.

Lewa0111: Well, since everyone's asleep, let's end the chapter.

THE END

Next: zAAgNapper50 enters the scene!

Lewa0111


Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Dec 15 2013 - 06:46 AM.

  • 0

My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

Roporak being useful? I suppose there's a first time for everything...

--Boggarak, Ask Matau!, Chapter 23

ANNOUNCEMENT: Back to the forums at long last! Currently in the process of fixing the formatting issue that has plagued all four of my main comedies. I'll get back to writing eventually!


#3 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

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Posted Dec 15 2013 - 06:46 AM

AxXon: Chapter 3
A Bit of Randomness OR Hello, 2004!

Krekka: Duhhh...what's 2004?


Lewa0111: The story year you come from, moron! And what are you doing in this comedy?

Krekka: I dunno...
*He leaves*

Lewa0111: ANYWAY, let's get back to the point.

Brutaka: POINT! SMASH STUFF!!

*At AxXon*

Bob: Today we made a total of 3,333 widgets.

Axxon: That's good.

Jaller:
WHAT? *whispering in Axxon's ear* We lost that many widgets?

 

Axxon: Umm...how do you whisper an emoticon?

Jaller: Just say it!

Axxon: We lost that many widgets?


Hahli: Geez, we did. You think that the giant chair sitting in the middle of the gas pumps might have something to do with it?

*Everyone looks out the window, and sees a giant chair sitting in the middle of the gas pumps*

Brutaka: CHAIR! SMASH STUFF!!

Jaller: Now who put THAT there?

Minifigure Kongu: Err...not me! Gotta go! *runs away*

Jaller: GET BACK HERE! I'LL STEP ON YOU!!

OF, Hahli and Axxon:

Axxon: Would you mind getting rid of that chair, Brutaka?

Brutaka: BRUTAKA! SMASH STUFF!!

Axxon: Well, you can smash that chair!

Brutaka: Okay!
*smashes the chair, and a huge line of cars that stretches around the world and back lines up*

OF: Well, that worked. *goes to a computer, and starts playing Joan of Arc*

*At the pump*

Nokama: Hello, can I get some gas in my car?

Hahli:
Nokama! How did you go back to being a Toa?

*Another car pulls up*

Turaga Nokama (TN): Hello, can I get some gas?

Hahli: Huh? 


Nokama: Well, we all came through a time warp from 2004.

Minifigure Kongu: You do know that if the same person sees themselves, they will all teleport to the moon?

*Nokama and TN look at each other*

Minifigure Kongu: Too late.

*Nokama and TN teleport to the moon*

Takanuva: Yay, some company!

*Back at AxXon*

Hahli: *to Nidhiki* That'll be 20 widgets. Pay inside.

Nidhiki: Okay. Come on, Krekka.

Krekka: Duhhhhh... what's a widget?


*They go inside*

Nidhiki: Here's the 20 widgets.

Brutaka: WIDGETS! SMASH STUFF!!

Nidhiki:


Krekka:

Nidhiki: Oh well. *keeps the widgets and leaves*

Brutaka: LEAVES! SMASH STUFF!!

*Outside*

Vahki1: <All employees of AxXon, you are under arrest>

Vahki2: <What he said>

Hahli, Minifigure Kongu, OF, Axxon, and Jaller: WHAT?

Brutaka: WHAT! SMASH STUFF!!

Vahki3: <pickles>

All Vahki: <
>

Vahki4: <Jaller and Minifigure Kongu, you're arrested for speeding>

Jaller: HEY!

Minifigure Kongu: But we were running, not driving!

Vahki5: <But you were running at 150 bio per hour, which is over the speed limit>

Brutaka: LIMIT! SMASH STUFF!! *smashes all the Vahki*

Hahli: Whew, that was close.

Minifigure Kongu: Can we just go back to 2006 now?

Jaller: Good idea.

Turaga Dume: Can I get some gas, please?

Everyone: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

THE END

Like it? Please post!!


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My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

Roporak being useful? I suppose there's a first time for everything...

--Boggarak, Ask Matau!, Chapter 23

ANNOUNCEMENT: Back to the forums at long last! Currently in the process of fixing the formatting issue that has plagued all four of my main comedies. I'll get back to writing eventually!


#4 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

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Posted Feb 28 2014 - 12:50 PM

AxXon: Chapter 4
zAAgNapper: the 2nd PGS

OF: :wakeup: *is playing computer games and eating turkey*

Brutaka: TURKEY! SMASH STUFF!!

OF: :blink:

Axxon: Hey! Does anybody know why we haven't had a single customer today? I mean, we haven't had any! Not one!

Jaller: Umm...that's because it's Sunday, and we're closed on Sundays.

Hahli: But...ExXon isn't closed on Sundays!

Jaller: Who said we had to parody them exactly?

Brutaka: EXACTLY! SMASH STUFF!!

*zAAgNapper walks in*

zAAgNapper: Hi, guys!

Minifigure Kongu: Who's this?

Lewa0111: Our new PGS.

zAAgNapper: I like pie, and random violence!

Everyone: :OMG: NOT THE CLICHE COMEDY CHARACTER!

Brutaka: CHARACTER! SMASH STUFF!!

zAAgNapper: I'm just kidding! :D

Brutaka: :D ! SMASH STUFF!!

zAAgNapper: What's with him?

Hahli: He always does that, but that's the first time with an emoticon!

zAAgNapper: Ooookay...

Axxon: So, what job do you want?

zAAgNapper: Any job.

Jaller: *whispering in Axxon's ear*: Let him be the janitor.

Axxon: Let him be the janitor.

zAAgNapper: :blink:

Axxon: Sorry, I meant: 'you can be a janitor!'

Brutaka: JANITOR! SMASH STUFF!!

Minifigure Kongu: Don't we have enough characters as it is?

Jaller: We only have six. Seven counting zAAgNapper.

Minifigure Kongu: Oh, okay.

Jaller: *whispering in Axxon's ear* Introduce him to all of us.

Axxon: Okay. This is Jaller, and this is Hahli. Hahli works at the pumps, and Jaller's assistant manager. The little green guy's named Minifigure Kongu. He's the sign-putter-upper guy.

Minifigure Kongu: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME??? :burnmad:

Jaller: I'll step on you!

Minifigure Kongu: :fear:

Axxon: Umm...yeah. Anyways, this is Brutaka...

Brutaka: BRUTAKA! SMASH STUFF!!

Axxon:...and this is OF. *OF is eating turkey and playing computer games*

zAAgNapper: Is ANYONE normal around here?

Lewa0111: I think you're the only one.

zAAgNapper: Who's that?

Jaller: Oh, that's the author. He writes this comedy on a website called BZPower.

zAAgNapper: :blink:

Lewa0111: :howdy:

Axxon: So, now that that's over, we can end the chapter, since we're closed.

Jaller: :o But it's not 300 words yet! You'll get the comedy closed!

Axxon: Whoops.

Lewa0111: Actually, it is 300 words.

Random Matoran who Came out of Nowhere (RMWCOON): I like pie! *whips out giant mallet and smashes Minifigure Kongu*

Lewa0111: GET OUT OF HERE! I DON'T TAKE LOW QUALITY CHARACTERS IN MY COMEDIES!

RMWCOON: Meep. *leaves*

THE END

Brutaka: END! SMASH STUFF!!

:miru: Lewa0111 :miru:


  • 0

My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

Roporak being useful? I suppose there's a first time for everything...

--Boggarak, Ask Matau!, Chapter 23

ANNOUNCEMENT: Back to the forums at long last! Currently in the process of fixing the formatting issue that has plagued all four of my main comedies. I'll get back to writing eventually!





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