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Island of Dume (OLD)

book island of doom piraka archives

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#1 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

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Posted Nov 04 2013 - 10:36 AM

Another old comedy for you all! This one was also released back in '06, a little later than TNI. It is a spoof of the first Bionicle Legends novel, Island of Doom, but was eventually abandoned when the idea for QFTCJP/Comedicle came around. Of my early comedies, this one is probably the least awful, but that isn't saying a whole lot. Ah, well, here it is anyway.

 

(NOTE: Everything below this point is copied verbatim from the original)

 

Well, this is my latest comedy, and the first ever spoof of Bionicle Legends#1! WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS.

Since this is never been done before, it should be original! And so...

CHARACTERS--Island of Metru Nui

THE OLD GEEZERS (I mean, Turaga)

Dume--Elder of Metru Nui, who's name happens to sound like 'Doom', and was once impersonated by Makuta...blah blah blah...you know that already.

Nuju, Vakama, Nokama, Onewa, Whenua, Matau--Former Toa Morons--er, METRU, and Turaga of the villages of the island of Metru Nui (except Vakama, whose home got blown up by Rahkshi)

Vakama: :crying:

Nuju: Hey, Lewa0111! How come we don't get our own bio things?

Lewa0111: I don't know, ask GregF.

GregF: :rolleyes:

THE MATORAN

Jaller--A guy with a Lhikan's Hau, he now serves as Captain of the (nonexistent) Ta-Metru Guard, and is also extremely dumb (but not as dumb as Krekka)

Krekka: Muuuuuuuuhhhhhh... :drooling:

Nidhiki: It's 'Duh', not 'Muh'!

Krekka: Muuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh... :drooling:


Matoro--Translator of Turaga Nuju, and a nerd.

THE TOA

Tahu: That's Toa NUVA!

Takanuva--Toa of Weirdness

Tahu Nuva--Toa Nuva of Fire

Gali Nuva--Toa Nuva of Water

Pohatu Nuva--Toa Nuva of Stone

Onua--

Reader #1: Sheesh, we get the idea! '__ Nuva, Toa Nuva of __' every time! Just get to the book!

Lewa0111: Okay, okay...

ISLAND OF VOYA NUI

THE MATORAN--

Garan--Onu-Matoran leader of the resistance

Balta: Hey! Aren't the red guys supposed to be the leader?

Garan: Yeah, but Lego is trying to get the other ones to sell better.

Balta: Huh?

Garan: Never mind.

Balta: Whatever.

Kazi--Ko-Matoran who is also a nerd.

Velika--Po-Matoran inventor(and also the first non-carver Po-Matoran)

Dalu--Ga-Matoran Fighter

Piruk--Le-Matoran Crybaby

THE PIRATES PIRAKA

Zaktan--Green leader of the Piraka , made up of thousands of Rice Krispies ™

Hakann--Crimson-armored Piraka, who likes to jump into lava

Reidak--Ebon (which isn't really a color) -armored Piraka, who is dumbER than Krekka and Jaller combined

Reidak: Luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... :drooling:


Lewa0111: Exactly.

Avak--Tan-armored Piraka

Avak: Hey! They get all kinds of cool-sounding colors, and I get 'Tan'? What kind of cool color is that? 3 LETTERS, people! Come on!

Lewa0111: Shut up, or I'll stuff you in a Dumpster.

Avak: :ziplip:


Thok--White-armored Piraka who likes to bite boulders in half for fun.

Vezok: That's my line!

Lewa0111: Get out of here.

Narrator: And so, that was how Vezok got removed from the Character List.

Reader #2: Really? I have always wondered about that...

 

Chapter 0: Introduction.

*At a private conference in the middle of nowhere*

Tahu: Am I in trouble? I hope not!

Gali: You big crybaby, you're not in trouble? We just saved the island!

Tahu: I'm in trouble! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Gali: Whatever.

Kopaka: ...

Onua: You know, you're allowed to say other stuff besides, '...'

Kopaka: ...

Dume: SHUT UP!


Kopaka: ...

Dume: That means YOU, Kopaka!

Kopaka: :ziplip:


Dume: Thank you. One thousand years ago, the Great Spirit Metru Nui--

Nokama: It's MATA Nui!

Dume:
Yeah. I knew that, I was just...testing you!

Lewa: Sure...

Dume: Anyway, it is said that you Toa Nuva are destined to one day awaken Met--er...MATA Nui and restore peace to the galaxy.

Obi-Wan Kenobi: Hey! That's the Jedi mission! Go find your own!

Dume: Where'd you come from?

Obi-Wan: :???:


*Obi-wan disappears*

Dume: Okay, now that that's over, I have studied the stars (which are really not there, since we are underground) and have consulted with Turaga Nuju, who agrees with my findings.

Vakama: He's the only one...

Dume: :glare:
ANYWAY, he'll tell you now.

Nuju: Click click whistle beep weird sound!

Pohatu: Umm...why did he say 'weird sound'?

Matoro: Because that's the way GregF made it. Anyway, he says that the stars say...GALI HAS A CRUSH ON LEWA?!?!?!?!?

Gali: :mad:


SFX: SLAP!

Matoro: AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!1!!one1 *flies out the window*

Dume: Anyway, that wasn't what I was talking about. I meant the other one, *in monotone* the one about Mata Nui dying.

All Toa: :OMG:
WHAT?

Dume: So? It's been in METRU NUI TODAY ™ for weeks!

GregF: There are no magazines in BIONICLE! Except the Lego Magazine. You can read that.

Lewa0111: Get out of here before I sic my lawyer on you.

GregF: AAHHHH! Lawyers! RUN! :fear:
*hides in a corner*

Lewa0111: I love doing that.

Gali: Anyway, what can we do to save him?

Dume: Just get rid of the lawyers.

Gali: I meant Mata Nui.


SFX: SLAP!

Dume: AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaahhhhhhh! *lands on top of Matoro*

Lewa: Great. Now we don't know how to save him. I'm mad at you.

Gali: No, don't be! I'll undo it.

!PLAS :XFS

*orotaM fo pot no sdnal* !hhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAA :emuD

Gali:
Is that better?

Lewa: Of course!

Dume: SHUT UP!! As I was saying, all you have to do is go to the Island of Doom and find a Mask of Light.

Takanuva: I found it! *pulls mask off his face, and turns back into Takua* Aww!

Dume: I meant LIFE, not LIGHT.

Takanuva: *puts mask back on* Is this it? *holds up LIFE board game*

Dume: Get him out of here.

Gali: Okay! :D


SFX: SLAP!

Takanuva: AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!! *lands on top of Matoro and Dume's shadow*

Everyone: Thank you!

Tahu: Anyway, what happens if we get an owie? Those hurt! *trips* Mommy! Owowowowowowow! Wait--I don't have a Mommy! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Gali: You big baby!

Tahu: WAAAAAAAHHHH!!

Dume: Do not cry for this task, Tahu. The stars are there for all to see, including your nonexistent mommy.

Lewa: Tell Takanuva to come with us!

Dume: No! If Takanuva goes with you, he will annoy you to death before you reach the mask! He must stay here and annoy me instead.

Toa: :)

Next: Chapter One!

 


Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Dec 15 2013 - 07:00 AM.

  • 0

My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

Roporak being useful? I suppose there's a first time for everything...

--Boggarak, Ask Matau!, Chapter 23

ANNOUNCEMENT: Back to the forums at long last! Currently in the process of fixing the formatting issue that has plagued all four of my main comedies. I'll get back to writing eventually!


#2 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

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Posted Dec 15 2013 - 07:03 AM

Chapter 1! (finally!)

*On Voya Nui*

Lewa: Hey! How come we went from us to a totally random island that has nothing to do with the story so far?

Lewa0111: Because GregF wrote it like that.

Lewa: Oh, okay.

Lewa0111: And you're not here!

Lewa: Aww! :(
*Lewa disappears*

*Garan is walking around*

Garan: I'm thirsty!

GregF: Hey! Bionicles don't drink water!

Garan: They don't? Then explain this scene, of me finding water!

GregF: Umm...

Garan: HYPOCRITE!

GregF: :crying:


Garan: Anyway...Ooh! *sees canister* A canister! I wonder if an evil Piraka will come out, join up with 5 others, pretend to be Toa, then enslave everybody but me and 5 other Matoran with their zamor spheres! Then maybe some Toa Inika will come and save us! ...Never mind, that's stupid.

*Garan goes to the canister and Hakann comes out*

Hakann: I'm Hakann, Toa of Fire!

Garan: Yeah right. What big teeth you have!

Hakann: All the better to smile with!

Garan: And what big eyes you have!

Hakann: *fries Rahi with his eyes* All the bettter to make Kikanalo stew with!

Garan: And what big...weird...spiny...THING you have!

Hakann: All the better to make me unable to turn my head like the other Bionicles!

Garan: :blink:


Hakann: Let's go to the village.

Garan: Okay! :D


*They go to the village*

*Somewhere else, Piruk is running*

Piruk: AAH! I'm running!

Zaktan: Ooookay...


Piruk: AAH! Scary green monster! :crying:

Zaktan: Toa Zaktan. Here to help.

Piruk: :crying:


Zaktan: Crybaby!

Piruk: :crying:


Zaktan: Let's go.

Piruk: :crying:


Zaktan: SHUT UP!!one!!111!1!!monroe!!1

*piruk runs away*

*At a canister*

Vezok: I'm stuck! HAKANN! GET ME OUT OF HERE!

Thok: He's busy.

Vezok: THOK! GET ME OUT OF HERE!

*Thok shoots him with his ice gun*

Vezok: AVAK! GET ME OUT OF HERE!

Avak: Pie!

Vezok: AVAK! I'll give you a pie if you get me out of here!

Avak: Pie! *opens Vezok's canister*

Vezok: Here you go.

Avak: Pie!!

Vezok: Let's go.

Avak: :usa:


Vezok: :blink:

THE END


  • 0

My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

Roporak being useful? I suppose there's a first time for everything...

--Boggarak, Ask Matau!, Chapter 23

ANNOUNCEMENT: Back to the forums at long last! Currently in the process of fixing the formatting issue that has plagued all four of my main comedies. I'll get back to writing eventually!


#3 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

Lewa0111 Nuva
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Posted Feb 28 2014 - 12:38 PM

Chapter 2 :voyanui: (Cool! I finally found it!)

*Back with the Toa Nuva...*

Tahu: Hey! What's with the random island that has no connection to us whatsoever?

Lewa0111: I already answered that question. Lewa asked it last chapter. Now chill!

Kopaka: Chill? Okay! :D
*freezes Gahu*

Tahu: HEY! :burnmad:
*burns Kopaka*

Kopaka: spinsmile.gif


Dume: You guys are weird.

Kopaka: spinsmile.gif


Dume: Whatever. Let's keep going.

Lewa: This place smells like brussels sprouts. I HATE brussels sprouts! EEw!

Everyone except Lewa and Kopaka: :blink:


Kopaka: spinsmile.gif

Onua: Will he ever stop doing that?

Pohatu: I doubt it.

Lewa: Hey! When is International Lewa Day?

Tahu: Wow, that just came out of nowhere.

Lewa: Seriously, when is it?

Lewa0111: I don't know, shut up!

Lewa: :ziplip:


Gali: Are we there yet?

Dume: No.

Tahu: Are we there yet?

Dume: No.

Lewa: Are we there yet?

Dume: No!

Onua: Are we there yet?

Dume: No!

Pohatu: Are we there yet?

Dume: NO!

Kopaka: spinsmile.gif
*Translation: Are we there yet?*

Dume: thumbs-up.gif
*Translation: NO!!*

Everyone else: :blink:

 

Vakama: Are we there yet?

Dume: Yes.

Vakama: REALLY?

Dume: No.

*Five days later...*

Nokama: Hey! Why'd we stop?

Dume: Because we're there.

Tahu: Hey! Those cylinders look like the ones we came in...Do you think they were also made in China?

Gali: :glare:


Pohatu: I'm not getting into one of those things again...I remember what happened last time.

Onua: You do? You were only 1 years old!

*FLASHBACK*

*Pohatu is a baby and is sucking his thumb and holding a rattle in a canister*

*END FLASHBACK*

Everyone: Aww...

Pohatu: Okay, maybe I don't remember...

Onua: Did we come here from our journey above?

Dume: Not here--

GregF: Hey! You can't give away that info yet! It's not authorized!

Dume: But I stole your story bible!

GregF: :crying:


Lewa0111: I'll send my lawyers!

GregF: :fear:
AAH! LAWYERS! RUN!! *runs to Australia where he grows a beard and changes his name to Craig Varshtey*

Kopaka: spinsmile.gif

 

Matau: Oookay…well, we’d like to stay and chat, but—heh heh—we’ve gotta go!

Nokama: Stop quoting WOS!

Matau: Sorry.

Dume: As I was saying, you may have come here from somewhere much like this one.

Onua: Wait a sec—I thought we fell to Mata Nui from the heavens!

Dume: Well, even GregF makes mistakes sometimes.

Onua: Oh.

Dume: *whips out ticket booth* Now, step right up and get your tickets here! One way trip to Voya Nui, or the Daggers of Death! No turning back, complimentary Mask of Life with trip!

 

:miru: Lewa0111 :miru:


Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Feb 28 2014 - 12:40 PM.

  • 0

My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

Roporak being useful? I suppose there's a first time for everything...

--Boggarak, Ask Matau!, Chapter 23

ANNOUNCEMENT: Back to the forums at long last! Currently in the process of fixing the formatting issue that has plagued all four of my main comedies. I'll get back to writing eventually!





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