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Unseen Light Review Topic

review topic Unseen Light

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9 replies to this topic

#1 Offline Toa Of Virtues

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Posted Nov 23 2013 - 09:29 PM

Unseen Light


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#2 Offline turtleman

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Posted Nov 26 2013 - 04:19 PM

I don't normally look in the epics section, but I'm glad I did. The Nu-Matoran are really creative and I like your story so far. I like how you made it so both sides were either good or evil depending solely on interpretation. Your writing also is really good and you were able to set the scene very well.


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#3 Online Midak

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Posted Nov 26 2013 - 04:49 PM

I have to say I was positively surprised. The Nu-Matoran as a concept fit in relatively well, I can pretty feasibly imagine Metru Nui having nuclear reactors. Turaga Dume's actions, however, can only be excused if he's Teridax in disguise, which I'm going to assume he is.

 

The "bottomless chasm" is a mildy interesting idea, at the very least I'm interested to learn more

 

My only real problem so far is that final moment where Whenua shows up and drops the Nu-Matoran into a ditch. It seems far too careless of him, I could've gotten behind Onewa or Matau doing something like this, but Whenua? Sorry, son, no dice.

 

In the end, however, it was interesting enough that I feel it warranted my attention.


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#4 Offline Toa Of Virtues

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Posted Dec 03 2013 - 07:23 PM

Thanks for the reviews, we are taking a short break from posting to write more chapters, and will return soon.


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#5 Offline Glenfoxx

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Posted Feb 09 2014 - 09:20 PM

Wow.

This story is intriguing to say the least. I can't quite remember what pushed me to read Unseen Light, but am I glad I did!

Right of the bat I was hooked, and I loved the bits of political conflict that were really interesting. What more can I say? I'll make it short.

I honestly absolutely love this story. Your descriptions, your progression, everything strikes me as very mature and real. This is a really nice take on a theoretical race of matoran living beneath Metru Nui. So far this is one of my favorite reads, and I encourage you…DON'T STOP. :uhuh:   ^_^

Please. :begging:

All in all, I'm not the best critique, but all I can say is that I like your epic quite well. B-)


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#6 Offline Toa Of Virtues

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Posted Feb 10 2014 - 04:10 PM

Thanks for the review Glenfoxx! We defiantly will not stop, but we are taking a break for school and all. We will start back up as soon as break comes. 


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#7 Offline Azani

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Posted Mar 10 2014 - 12:05 AM

I have to say I was positively surprised. The Nu-Matoran as a concept fit in relatively well, I can pretty feasibly imagine Metru Nui having nuclear reactors. Turaga Dume's actions, however, can only be excused if he's Teridax in disguise, which I'm going to assume he is.
 
The "bottomless chasm" is a mildy interesting idea, at the very least I'm interested to learn more
 
My only real problem so far is that final moment where Whenua shows up and drops the Nu-Matoran into a ditch. It seems far too careless of him, I could've gotten behind Onewa or Matau doing something like this, but Whenua? Sorry, son, no dice.
 
In the end, however, it was interesting enough that I feel it warranted my attention.


I've been thinking that Turaga Dume isn't being impersonated by anyone in this epic. Remember, Geardirector, this epic takes place in an alternate universe with Matoran of Radiation living underneath Metru Nui. The chances of Teridax impersonating Turaga Dume at the time of the events of this epic are very small.

There is a strong indication that the culture of Metru Nui is anti-Nu-Matoran in its general beliefs and theories. The exclamation of the Onu-Matoran in chapter three who tells Whenua that the Nu-Matoran were "savages" and that the skirmish was "a massacre", along with Jaller's hope in chapter four that the Toa Metru will "devastate" the Nu-Matoran implies a bias that is deepluy integrated into the culture of Metru Nui.

 

Not many epics start off as well as this one has, and even fewer keep the quality of the plot strong for ten chapters. I honestly think that this is one of the best epics that I have ever read on BZPower. It moves at a pace which is well suited to an epic, and incorporates a strong conflict with characters who are fleshed out well on both sides. I'll certainly remember it, and I'll check back frequently.
 


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#8 Offline Toa Of Virtues

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Posted Oct 04 2014 - 06:11 PM

Thank you all for all the positive feedback! We are taking another short break from Unseen Light, but we'll be back again soon! Until then, please leave us reviews, it's the only way we can get better.


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#9 Offline Toa of Italy

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Posted Dec 27 2015 - 09:51 AM

I happened upon this epic quite by chance, but I have to say, I'm glad I did. After reading this, a review is due.

 

The first part, taking place in Metru Nui, is in my opinion the best one. You depict with great effectiveness the situation of the Nu-Matoran and their relationship with the rest of the city, especially in the brief scenes featuring Matoran such as Jaller or Nuhrii. Turaga Dume is also an extremely interesting character: despite how he regards and treats the Nu-Matoran, he never appears to be really evil (except perhaps when he makes that remark about purging Ko-Matoran...). The exclusion of Nu-Matoran from Metru Nui society appears natural to him, since it conforms to the laws set down by the Great Spirit; their rebellion seems therefore an act of evil, which can only be fought and repressed.

 

I find that your Dume and your Metru Nui aren't as different from canon as one might think. In the canon Metru Nui, as we see it in 2004, Matoran are supposed to live their lives according to the Three Virtues: Unity, Duty and Destiny. But their Duty and their purpose, or Destiny, are established by an invisible, distant Great Spirit, which Matoran are supposed to adore and follow blindly, never questioning. Those who do question, who refuse to work and to conform to the role that has been planned for them, are seen as criminals, to be reconditioned by the Vahki. It seems a harsh, totalitarian society, and yet neither Turaga Dume nor the Toa Mangai ever questioned it: is it any wonder that Teridax managed to replace Dume so easily?

My point is that the values of Matoran society are decided by the Great Spirit alone and are not to be questioned. Therefore, if the Great Spirit creates a Matoran tribe and decrees it to be inferior to the others, then that is the way things are supposed to be and to try and alter it is an act of evil. This is something this epic conveys very well.

 

It could therefore be said that "Unseen Light" deals with an attempt to radically change an established social order. But how can it be changed? Ralis tries through an armed rebellion, but the result is only a series of massacres, with atrocities committed on both sides. Nothing can be achieved through violence except more violence: to repress the revolt, Metru Nui creates more advanced and lethal Vahki, which are ultimately the cause of its destruction. Ralis fares little better: his belief that war and violence are the only way to save his people inevitably results in him becoming a brutal dictator.

Yet was there any other alternative? Most of the universe's population is drawn into the war without really understanding it, but they go along with it, even believe in it, for they are unable to form their own opinions. Even when a Nu-Matoran, Dasel, makes an autonomous choice, the result is only more destruction.

There are some who see what is happening, who guess what the consequences might be (Turaga Lhikan, Turaga Piercur, Toa Nokama...), but they are weak, unable to take a real stance or to change the course of events. Ralis's way is in the end the only way possible and the final, tragic outcome is unavoidable, as the choice to place the final scene at the beginning conveys.

 

The only real criticism I'm willing to make is about the writing style. In some places it seems hurried and doesn't take the time to fully flesh out and describe in detail some events and situations. At the beginning, this is mostly a good thing, for it makes the story proceed rapidly, without becoming too cluttered. In the second part (the one about the Nuclear Empire), however, it results in some important events being skipped or just being barely mentioned (I would have liked to see more of what happened around the universe in the three years of Ralis's reign). That's all. My compliments for an excellent piece of writing.


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#10 Offline Toa Of Virtues

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Posted Dec 27 2015 - 11:20 AM

I happened upon this epic quite by chance, but I have to say, I'm glad I did. After reading this, a review is due.

Thanks a lot for the in-depth review!

 

I can understand how the Nuclear Empire arc seemed a bit rushed, Master Inika and I were getting busier and busier, so we started rushing the story along. I believe we planned on taking the story a bit further with Turaga Piercur and the other Matoran exploring the empire, but after abandoning it for almost a year, I decided to finish it off.


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