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Unseen Light Review Topic

review topic Unseen Light

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6 replies to this topic

#1 Offline Toa Of Virtues

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Posted Nov 23 2013 - 09:29 PM

Unseen Light


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#2 Offline turtleman

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Posted Nov 26 2013 - 04:19 PM

I don't normally look in the epics section, but I'm glad I did. The Nu-Matoran are really creative and I like your story so far. I like how you made it so both sides were either good or evil depending solely on interpretation. Your writing also is really good and you were able to set the scene very well.


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#3 Online Geardirector

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Posted Nov 26 2013 - 04:49 PM

I have to say I was positively surprised. The Nu-Matoran as a concept fit in relatively well, I can pretty feasibly imagine Metru Nui having nuclear reactors. Turaga Dume's actions, however, can only be excused if he's Teridax in disguise, which I'm going to assume he is.

 

The "bottomless chasm" is a mildy interesting idea, at the very least I'm interested to learn more

 

My only real problem so far is that final moment where Whenua shows up and drops the Nu-Matoran into a ditch. It seems far too careless of him, I could've gotten behind Onewa or Matau doing something like this, but Whenua? Sorry, son, no dice.

 

In the end, however, it was interesting enough that I feel it warranted my attention.


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#4 Offline Toa Of Virtues

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Posted Dec 03 2013 - 07:23 PM

Thanks for the reviews, we are taking a short break from posting to write more chapters, and will return soon.


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#5 Offline Glenfoxx

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Posted Feb 09 2014 - 09:20 PM

Wow.

This story is intriguing to say the least. I can't quite remember what pushed me to read Unseen Light, but am I glad I did!

Right of the bat I was hooked, and I loved the bits of political conflict that were really interesting. What more can I say? I'll make it short.

I honestly absolutely love this story. Your descriptions, your progression, everything strikes me as very mature and real. This is a really nice take on a theoretical race of matoran living beneath Metru Nui. So far this is one of my favorite reads, and I encourage you…DON'T STOP. :uhuh:   ^_^

Please. :begging:

All in all, I'm not the best critique, but all I can say is that I like your epic quite well. B-)


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#6 Offline Toa Of Virtues

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Posted Feb 10 2014 - 04:10 PM

Thanks for the review Glenfoxx! We defiantly will not stop, but we are taking a break for school and all. We will start back up as soon as break comes. 


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#7 Offline Artakha's Nephew

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Posted Mar 10 2014 - 12:05 AM

I have to say I was positively surprised. The Nu-Matoran as a concept fit in relatively well, I can pretty feasibly imagine Metru Nui having nuclear reactors. Turaga Dume's actions, however, can only be excused if he's Teridax in disguise, which I'm going to assume he is.
 
The "bottomless chasm" is a mildy interesting idea, at the very least I'm interested to learn more
 
My only real problem so far is that final moment where Whenua shows up and drops the Nu-Matoran into a ditch. It seems far too careless of him, I could've gotten behind Onewa or Matau doing something like this, but Whenua? Sorry, son, no dice.
 
In the end, however, it was interesting enough that I feel it warranted my attention.


I've been thinking that Turaga Dume isn't being impersonated by anyone in this epic. Remember, Geardirector, this epic takes place in an alternate universe with Matoran of Radiation living underneath Metru Nui. The chances of Teridax impersonating Turaga Dume at the time of the events of this epic are very small.

There is a strong indication that the culture of Metru Nui is anti-Nu-Matoran in its general beliefs and theories. The exclamation of the Onu-Matoran in chapter three who tells Whenua that the Nu-Matoran were "savages" and that the skirmish was "a massacre", along with Jaller's hope in chapter four that the Toa Metru will "devastate" the Nu-Matoran implies a bias that is deepluy integrated into the culture of Metru Nui.

 

Not many epics start off as well as this one has, and even fewer keep the quality of the plot strong for ten chapters. I honestly think that this is one of the best epics that I have ever read on BZPower. It moves at a pace which is well suited to an epic, and incorporates a strong conflict with characters who are fleshed out well on both sides. I'll certainly remember it, and I'll check back frequently.
 


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I can also be found on XONAR's Bionicle fansite solismagna.com, as well as the Biomedia Project and BS01. I'm under the username Artakha's Nephew on Solis Magna and BS01 on, and MB99 on the Biomedia Project. Check out Solis Magna, as it is exactly what we need to maintain interest in Bionicle. Also, I highly recommend the hand-drawn comic Diaries of Destral, by Stroxx.
 
Check out a sneak preview of Mysterious Island, an adaption/reboot of the 2001 Bionicle story which I am writing. It's also a musical.|http://www.bzpower.c...terious-island/

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