Toa Of Virtues Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Unseen Light Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turtleman Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 I don't normally look in the epics section, but I'm glad I did. The Nu-Matoran are really creative and I like your story so far. I like how you made it so both sides were either good or evil depending solely on interpretation. Your writing also is really good and you were able to set the scene very well. 1 Quote "EXTERMINATE"-Dalek #1 to #3458271 If you have a self MOC you would like me to build just PM me and I'll make it as long as I have the pieces. 3DS Friend Code: 4699-6562-6279 Pokemon Y safari: Audino, Dunsparce and Chansey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geardirector Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 I have to say I was positively surprised. The Nu-Matoran as a concept fit in relatively well, I can pretty feasibly imagine Metru Nui having nuclear reactors. Turaga Dume's actions, however, can only be excused if he's Teridax in disguise, which I'm going to assume he is. The "bottomless chasm" is a mildy interesting idea, at the very least I'm interested to learn more My only real problem so far is that final moment where Whenua shows up and drops the Nu-Matoran into a ditch. It seems far too careless of him, I could've gotten behind Onewa or Matau doing something like this, but Whenua? Sorry, son, no dice. In the end, however, it was interesting enough that I feel it warranted my attention. 1 Quote BZPRPG Profiles Nuparu-Ferron-Mar-Zelvin-Wiremu-Farzan-Mako-Krex-Tamachan-??? Akiri Nuparu Posts: 1. 2. ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toa Of Virtues Posted December 4, 2013 Author Share Posted December 4, 2013 Thanks for the reviews, we are taking a short break from posting to write more chapters, and will return soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glenfoxx Posted February 10, 2014 Share Posted February 10, 2014 Wow.This story is intriguing to say the least. I can't quite remember what pushed me to read Unseen Light, but am I glad I did!Right of the bat I was hooked, and I loved the bits of political conflict that were really interesting. What more can I say? I'll make it short.I honestly absolutely love this story. Your descriptions, your progression, everything strikes me as very mature and real. This is a really nice take on a theoretical race of matoran living beneath Metru Nui. So far this is one of my favorite reads, and I encourage you…DON'T STOP. Please. All in all, I'm not the best critique, but all I can say is that I like your epic quite well. 1 Quote Signature Guidelines: Signature may not exceed the 800x300 limit. For more reference use the box located in your signature editor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toa Of Virtues Posted February 10, 2014 Author Share Posted February 10, 2014 Thanks for the review Glenfoxx! We defiantly will not stop, but we are taking a break for school and all. We will start back up as soon as break comes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azani Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 I have to say I was positively surprised. The Nu-Matoran as a concept fit in relatively well, I can pretty feasibly imagine Metru Nui having nuclear reactors. Turaga Dume's actions, however, can only be excused if he's Teridax in disguise, which I'm going to assume he is. The "bottomless chasm" is a mildy interesting idea, at the very least I'm interested to learn more My only real problem so far is that final moment where Whenua shows up and drops the Nu-Matoran into a ditch. It seems far too careless of him, I could've gotten behind Onewa or Matau doing something like this, but Whenua? Sorry, son, no dice. In the end, however, it was interesting enough that I feel it warranted my attention.I've been thinking that Turaga Dume isn't being impersonated by anyone in this epic. Remember, Geardirector, this epic takes place in an alternate universe with Matoran of Radiation living underneath Metru Nui. The chances of Teridax impersonating Turaga Dume at the time of the events of this epic are very small. There is a strong indication that the culture of Metru Nui is anti-Nu-Matoran in its general beliefs and theories. The exclamation of the Onu-Matoran in chapter three who tells Whenua that the Nu-Matoran were "savages" and that the skirmish was "a massacre", along with Jaller's hope in chapter four that the Toa Metru will "devastate" the Nu-Matoran implies a bias that is deepluy integrated into the culture of Metru Nui. Not many epics start off as well as this one has, and even fewer keep the quality of the plot strong for ten chapters. I honestly think that this is one of the best epics that I have ever read on BZPower. It moves at a pace which is well suited to an epic, and incorporates a strong conflict with characters who are fleshed out well on both sides. I'll certainly remember it, and I'll check back frequently. 2 Quote Find (digital) me under the name Azani on YouTube, Eurobricks, Discord, the BioMedia Project and the TTV Message Boards. Please check out Project AFTERMAN on Tumblr and Facebook; I'm proud to have worked as their PR Manager and as a writer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toa Of Virtues Posted October 4, 2014 Author Share Posted October 4, 2014 Thank you all for all the positive feedback! We are taking another short break from Unseen Light, but we'll be back again soon! Until then, please leave us reviews, it's the only way we can get better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toa of Italy Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 I happened upon this epic quite by chance, but I have to say, I'm glad I did. After reading this, a review is due. The first part, taking place in Metru Nui, is in my opinion the best one. You depict with great effectiveness the situation of the Nu-Matoran and their relationship with the rest of the city, especially in the brief scenes featuring Matoran such as Jaller or Nuhrii. Turaga Dume is also an extremely interesting character: despite how he regards and treats the Nu-Matoran, he never appears to be really evil (except perhaps when he makes that remark about purging Ko-Matoran...). The exclusion of Nu-Matoran from Metru Nui society appears natural to him, since it conforms to the laws set down by the Great Spirit; their rebellion seems therefore an act of evil, which can only be fought and repressed. I find that your Dume and your Metru Nui aren't as different from canon as one might think. In the canon Metru Nui, as we see it in 2004, Matoran are supposed to live their lives according to the Three Virtues: Unity, Duty and Destiny. But their Duty and their purpose, or Destiny, are established by an invisible, distant Great Spirit, which Matoran are supposed to adore and follow blindly, never questioning. Those who do question, who refuse to work and to conform to the role that has been planned for them, are seen as criminals, to be reconditioned by the Vahki. It seems a harsh, totalitarian society, and yet neither Turaga Dume nor the Toa Mangai ever questioned it: is it any wonder that Teridax managed to replace Dume so easily?My point is that the values of Matoran society are decided by the Great Spirit alone and are not to be questioned. Therefore, if the Great Spirit creates a Matoran tribe and decrees it to be inferior to the others, then that is the way things are supposed to be and to try and alter it is an act of evil. This is something this epic conveys very well. It could therefore be said that "Unseen Light" deals with an attempt to radically change an established social order. But how can it be changed? Ralis tries through an armed rebellion, but the result is only a series of massacres, with atrocities committed on both sides. Nothing can be achieved through violence except more violence: to repress the revolt, Metru Nui creates more advanced and lethal Vahki, which are ultimately the cause of its destruction. Ralis fares little better: his belief that war and violence are the only way to save his people inevitably results in him becoming a brutal dictator.Yet was there any other alternative? Most of the universe's population is drawn into the war without really understanding it, but they go along with it, even believe in it, for they are unable to form their own opinions. Even when a Nu-Matoran, Dasel, makes an autonomous choice, the result is only more destruction.There are some who see what is happening, who guess what the consequences might be (Turaga Lhikan, Turaga Piercur, Toa Nokama...), but they are weak, unable to take a real stance or to change the course of events. Ralis's way is in the end the only way possible and the final, tragic outcome is unavoidable, as the choice to place the final scene at the beginning conveys. The only real criticism I'm willing to make is about the writing style. In some places it seems hurried and doesn't take the time to fully flesh out and describe in detail some events and situations. At the beginning, this is mostly a good thing, for it makes the story proceed rapidly, without becoming too cluttered. In the second part (the one about the Nuclear Empire), however, it results in some important events being skipped or just being barely mentioned (I would have liked to see more of what happened around the universe in the three years of Ralis's reign). That's all. My compliments for an excellent piece of writing. Quote My collection of epics: The Sanctum of Writing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toa Of Virtues Posted December 27, 2015 Author Share Posted December 27, 2015 I happened upon this epic quite by chance, but I have to say, I'm glad I did. After reading this, a review is due.Thanks a lot for the in-depth review! I can understand how the Nuclear Empire arc seemed a bit rushed, Master Inika and I were getting busier and busier, so we started rushing the story along. I believe we planned on taking the story a bit further with Turaga Piercur and the other Matoran exploring the empire, but after abandoning it for almost a year, I decided to finish it off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legodudelol Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 Does this take place in an alternate reality or a pocket dimension? Quote My Epic: Ahkmou's Return and My story collection: Takanuva's Travels are my stories so far, look 'em up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Inika Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 Does this take place in an alternate reality or a pocket dimension?Alternate universe. Quote "You are an absolute in these uncertain times. Your past is forgotten, and your future is an empty book. You must find your own destiny, my brave adventurer." -- Turaga Nokama Click here to visit my library! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.