Hands

[25K Now!]

MY HAND CAN'T BE THIS CUTE

 

"Shadow Stealer, you are late. Again."

 

Four weeks. It had taken four weeks for Shadow Stealer to return from a mission that would have taken but a day to complete, and he still possessed the audacity to waltz into the meeting room with nary a care for the harsh looks his colleagues were giving him. The blademaster's constant tardiness was an everpresent thorn in the sides of those who organised meetings between the organisation's members, yet nobody had successfully addressed it. From the smug grin plastered onto his face, it was obvious that Shadow Stealer knew that he was completely untouchable.

 

That would change in the very near future.

 

Hydraxon, the newest organiser of the Hand and de facto leader of his little squad of trigger-happy madmen (and one woman), was not going to let his chronically tardy colleague from showing such disrespect to him and the rest of Artakha's group of enforcers. Shadow Stealer needed to be taught a lesson, most likely an incredibly painful one. He was not a sadist by nature, but he was eagerly awaiting the day where he would punish the other being and satiate his needs -

 

"You're drooling," said Shadow Stealer, sliding down onto a chair. "Whatever it is that you're fantasising about, we don't want to hear it."

 

The smoky tones of the blademaster's voice snapped Hydraxon out of his reverie. Giving a look that promised retribution (definitely not in the form of whips - Energy Hounds were much more useful implements of pain and suffering), he returned his attention to the situation at hand. Had he been expecting his colleagues to be sitting at attention, Hydraxon would have been rather disappointed; they had tuned out during his fantasy of punishing Shadow Stealer, and were currently engrossed in their own little worlds: Axonn was polishing his axe for the twenty-fifth time, Helryx had fallen asleep and was currently snoring quietly, and Umbra was ... doing ... something?

 

Curiosity piqued, Hydraxon decided to probe into the actions that his fellow enforcer was currently undertaking.

 

"What," he began awkwardly, "are you even doing ... why are you vibrating and what is with the flashes."

 

Umbra's scarlet eyes suddenly focused on Hydraxon, the eerie gaze making him quite uncomfortable. Expecting a reply, he decided to bear with the intensity of his fellow's eyes. It did not exactly help. An entire minute passed. Umbra's staring had driven him to fidget, something that he never believed he was capable of.

 

Finally, the guardian spoke.

 

"What you see is my rapid movement between this point of rendezvous and the post at which I am stationed at an approximate speed of two-hundred and eighteen million, eight-hundred and twenty-six thousand, six-hundred and eleven point six-seven-nine bio per second."

 

Hydraxon stared uncomprehendingly at Umbra, his mind whirling as it attempted to wrap itself around the number the other being had thrown at him.

 

He was not very successful.

 

"What."

 

"While I am capable of surpassing such a speed," continued Umbra, ignoring the sounds of Hydraxon's mind shattering, "the consequences of such actions would move this body in a negative direction along the fourth axis, thereby preventing me from attending this meeting at the specified point on the axis. In the light of this possibility, I have calculated the optimum speed required to attend both this point of rendezvous and protect the Mask of Life to be approximately-"

 

"I have absolutely no idea what he's saying," whispered Shadow Stealer, leaning over towards Axonn.

 

"He is capable of surpassing the maximum speed that light travel, but doesn't because he'll travel back in time," explained the titanic warrior, before returning to his precious axe.

 

"Huh, that's pretty cool."

 

"ENOUGH!"

 

Hydraxon slammed a gauntleted hand onto the table, splintering it into two. He had no time for physics. What mattered was that they got the meeting over and done with so he could -

 

Wait.

 

"The Mask of Life?" he nearly shouted, an expression of shock appearing upon his mask. "It actually exists?"

 

"Indeed," replied Umbra in his usual calm baritone. "It is also currently being sought by a team of treasure hunters. I should go."

 

With the abrupt end to their conversation, Umbra disappeared in a flash.

 

Silence.

 

"Well," drawled Shadow Stealer, leaning back into his chair. "At least he doesn't constantly disappear on us."

 

If everything else was not enough, the blademaster's terrible puns provided all the casus belli Hydraxon required to make his colleague's life one full of pain and suffering.

 

He was going to savour it for as long as he could.

Edited January 27, 2016 by Walking Stereotype

[Wazdakka]

Clever.

 

Can we hope to see more of these in the near future?

[25K Now!]

Probably not. This is a one-shot.