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Review Topic -- The Destiny of Bionicle

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135 replies to this topic

#121 Offline Yaldabaoth

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Posted Jul 22 2014 - 04:20 PM

Aw, man, that was a great read. I would never have thought to actually incorporate Boneheads of Voodoo Island concept art into one of Mata Nui's vists -- but now that you've done it, it seems so utterly obvious.

Big congratulations for thinking outside the box like that. You also did a good job of sharing just enough info that we got an idea of the alien culture, but little enough that they still had some mystery to them. And your musings on space-travelers in the Before-Time just makes me more and more curious about the wider world of BIONICLE -- the cosmos outside Spherus Magna. But I suppose we'll never know for certain what was going on there.

 

One thing, though. While discussing the Toa Mata's canisters, you wrote "the Toa Mata Nui been placed in canisters", which I assume was not your intention, since it makes pretty much no grammatical sense. I understood the spirit of the words, though. ;)


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New short story:
 
DESCENDANT, starring Kraata-Kal
 
Older stories:
 
AN EVEN EXCHANGE, starring the Makuta of Stelt
 
THE END OF THE BROTHERHOOD, starring Tobduk and Makuta Chirox

#122 Offline bonesiii

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Posted Jul 23 2014 - 04:56 PM

Author's Comments for Chapter 22: The First Chronicler

Note ["common practice"]:

This dual apprenticeship custom is non-canon.

Note:

You can see a LEGO interpretation I made of the sensors inside the spires here:

http://www.brickshel...nui_sensors.png

Which is part of a small-scale Bionicle project begun here:

http://www.bzpower.c...ni-nui-in-ldde/

[Sorry for the redundancy of that note for readers here. :P But that's the version in the story file. I did end up deciding not to include that image in the story itself; I could have had Mata Nui perhaps turn parts of the spires invisible to show the sensors to Koronga, but that seemed too convoluted.]

Note:

The cloaked spy probes Mata Nui mentions as being deployed from the Kini-Nui are not canon. However, it is known that "somehow" the Kini-Nui does help spy on inhabitants of the planets. I simply figured that invisible probes were a more believable explanation of the "how" than some kind of long-range scan "sideways" like the canon description seems to imply.

Also, my use of the “stone circle” near the Kini-Nui as the thing this Ice Bohrok is standing on in the image is non-canon as well. Canonically all we know is that a circle, filled with sand, was near the Kini-Nui and was used in the future to tell symbolic stories (using, for example, the Mata Nui stone). Called the Amaja-Nui, it may have been built by people rather than being a part of the robot's normal systems.

Note:

Just to be clear, this testing system is only theoretical. The idea is that it's another of the Great Beings' contingencies, in case Matoran Universe inhabitants were to somehow wander onto the camouflage island without Mata Nui noticing but then be found by the swarms or spotted by the Great Spirit later. We do know one other contingency system in case of Matoran being on the surface was included, so it's possible. This would sort out people who really belong from the hypothetical shapeshifting alien. Of course, in this case Mata Nui had to adapt it a little since Koronga actually admits openly to not being a native.





Replies to reviews:

lance -- Yep. See here:

http://biosector01.c...ties_and_Traits

And:

http://biosector01.c...cation)#History

Basically, the Mata Nui island creation was an accidental triggering of that system due to the crash. :)


TL -- I may as well say now that didn't end up having space to have that kind of thing happen, but we do seem to know pretty much what would happen -- the Bohrok, at least, would be sent against the aliens, and try to Krana-ify them. If worst comes to worst, possibly kill them. (Of course, if he had run into a world with tech more advanced than the GB tech, that would be different!)


NT -- For this story I decided to leave it as one of those mysteries that doesn't get answered. However, I do know the answer, and if I do make the shorter sequel I've been planning, I am pretty well decided that they'll be involved (taking place long after the Reforming of SM). Not 100% sure, though, or even if I really will write it, but I've got very specific plans written down, so I probably will.

Koronga mentions in this chapter that he's unsure about this, but I have in mind that the sword's powers work the same as normal Tool powers in Bionicle (like Lhikan's hoverboard flight power for example), which seem to work similarly to mask powers, automatically recharging after a duration of use. My interpretation of most such protodermic power sources is that the molecules grab whatever energy source they can from the environment, especially (non-lung-powered) oxygen reactions at the object's surface, and heat. But yeah, probably channeling the energy from "eating" could speed it up, if you knew how. Not something I chose to involve, though.

(Note that some protodermic powers instead definitely run out of power eventually, namely Kanoka, but masks made out of them don't.)


Yalda -- Yeah, the idea came from the need to put images in the story, and those images are so cool, so I thought of trying to incorporate them somehow as a result of that. Glad you liked it. And thanks for catching that (rather silly lol) typo.

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#123 Offline RahkshiToa88

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Posted Jul 23 2014 - 08:31 PM

This was another great chapter! This epic never ceases to amaze me! And Koronga putting on a fake Krana was one of the last things I thought would happen.


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#124 Offline TLhikan

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Posted Jul 30 2014 - 12:27 PM

Both the description of the way the Bohrohk work in synergy to clear off Mata Nui's face and the purpose of the Krana's mind control where really creative (and yeah, answered by question from last time :P). 

 

One typo I noticed: 

 

 

 

 "my face will need cleaned off."

 

(Unless there's some rule of English I don't know, which is most assuredly possible  :fear: ).

 

-TLhikan


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#125 Offline bonesiii

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Posted Jul 30 2014 - 03:34 PM

Author's Comments for Chapter 23: The Taste of Lies

This chapter was an interesting challenge. Because I have always been fascinated by the belief illusion power of the Bahrag, I wanted to include it now to try to see if I could put a new twist on how you could solve the mystery, but I have used it twice already in my other fanfics, and of course there's the canon use later, and we just saw a partial illusion, as he mentions. Plus there's the factor that longtime fans will probably guess the truth long before he does. I think I like how it turned out, though, and the psychological effect it has on him took me by surprise, and ended up having long-lasting effects, as implied by the closing line. Will be interesting to see if it works for readers. :)

 

Update relevant to a past chapter:

 

Greg finally weighed in on Lesovikk's team -- they were indeed disintegrated by the spears. The comment that went with that has been edited to reflect the change.


Note:

This bit about a combination code to open the tunnel is non-canon. And the actual way down is also more complex than this, though its portrayal varies in different media. I am interpreting it as having multiple ways to get down and this is just the one that was activated for Koronga. Off the top of my head, I do not recall if a spiral staircase was ever included in any official source.

 

Note:

Koronga's later speculation, that the Zyglak wandered all over, is likely the case, and later on they would show up in various places that are not the northern continent; in fact, I'm not even certain they were ever on it, though it makes sense. For this story I am assuming the majority of them wandered in a roughly southward direction, since later they are confirmed to be on the Southern Continent (or were before ending up at a location related to that).





Replies to reviews:

RT -- Heh, thanks. I actually wasn't sure, going into it what would happen in that case. The reason I ended up going for a fake Krana was that I decided I wanted the Bahrag to have the issue with Koronga shown in 23, and that wouldn't work if their attention was on the swarms when he was in Matoran form during that part of Mata Nui's test (and Mata Nui would think of it as not wanting to distract from their mission and slow them down). Originally it was going to be a real Krana that would then command him to take it off. Also, the repeated theme of the illusion is setting up something for much later. Anywho...

 

 

TL -- Thanks. Not sure what typo you mean there, it looks in order to me. :shrugs:


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#126 Offline NuvaTube

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Posted Jul 31 2014 - 05:04 AM

"They stole the weapons and killed several Va before they found the way out," Can the Va really be said to be alive? They're robots really, like the Bohrok, right? Maybe you should say destroyed instead?

 

It's occurred to me: since Koronga's swords are non-Protodermic solids, they must be some of the most valuable things in the MU. I bet a lot of beings like the Makuta would love to get their hands on them to study them.

 

Oh, I noticed in Chapter 1 or 2 Koronga refers to a plant as Bamboo. I know the MNOG actually called a bamboo-like plant bamboo, but none of this is on Earth. The term "bamboo" bugs me a little, I know it's easier to say babmoo, but it breaks the immersion a little, like the term "humanoid" etc. maybe just describe it a little. Also, you describe the Bahrag as looking like "tyrannosaurian" as well as the Rock Steed before, same thing here. 

 

Still, loving the series!!!!!!!!!!


Edited by NuvaTube, Jul 31 2014 - 04:37 PM.

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#127 Offline fishers64

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Posted Jul 31 2014 - 01:28 PM

This one's going to be quickish: sorry if some of this has already been addressed.

 

I've reread this a little, and I realize that I missed some earilier clues to Koronga's character. I haven't gotten back to 16 (I haven't quite solved the puzzle) yet, but I'd like to put this out here for now: 
 
Theory: In this story, Energized Protodermis is capable of clairvoyance, like the artificial version. 
 
Theory: This is responsible for the Mask-of-shadows appearance in Chapter 8. 
 
Theory: This is responsible for Koronga's vision in Chapter 1. 
 
Alrighty. 
 
Chapter 21: I liked the aliens - they were pleasingly strange. I also liked the big fire-dragon: thought that was cool, although that might have just been the drawing. :shrugs:
 
Just for fun: Theory: The aliens have sworn off fighting for whatever reason, probably because of some tragedy in the not-to-recent past (a Shattering? :P probably not) which was fixed by the bird creatures. 
 
Chapter 22: I really like how Koronga's childlike eagerness is brought out in this chapter. The childishness of Mata Nui really makes for an interesting character dynamic - they both sound like kids in a candy shop - and they both have a bunch of money. "Wait, you will do all this for me?" It was really helpful to see the mentality in earilier chapters as well, where it could be overlooked, but both 20 and 22 bring it out where I can see it, and the result is terrific. :)
 
After all, isn't Bionicle a kid's story? *bangs head on desk* I feel so old now. :P
 
Chapter 23: I liked the fake krana thing in 22 a good deal - I thought it made for a more powerful moment, because the "mind telling to take it off" thing could have been confusing (for Koronga and us), and it might have made for more lines of dialogue in a chapter already filled with it (not that I mind chapters of dialogue, as I'm prone to write them myself :)). Your comment, however, makes it feel like the events of 23 were forced. I didn't pick this up when reading at all, so that's good, I suppose. 
 
But I'm biased. I like 23 a whole lot. It's in the running for my favorite chapter yet, and I'm very glad that you wrote it the way you did. :D
 
Unfortunately, I can't say why. :ziplip: Not for a very long while, I imagine. 

Edited by fishers64, Jul 31 2014 - 01:29 PM.

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#128 Offline TLhikan

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Posted Aug 02 2014 - 03:57 PM

It took me a second to catch that Koronga was in an illusion cage, so well done on that :D.

 

Not sure what typo you mean there, it looks in order to me.

 

 

I was under the impression that it should be "My face will need to be cleaned off" or "My face will need cleaning off", but I could be wrong.

 

-TLhikan


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#129 Offline bonesiii

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Posted Aug 06 2014 - 09:14 PM

Author's Comments for Chapter 24: The Great City

By page count this is the longest chapter yet, but the actual text is about average -- it has probably the most images of any chapter, at least in the "short" chapters in the first half of the story. More relevant, it's another of the major transition chapters, giving us the first mysterious glimpses of what will drive the non-canon story for the rest of the epic. As a side note, the original draft mentioned those Glatorian pilots in passing again. That bit's been taken out, but the original chapter mentioning them still hasn't been updated... I really should get around to that, huh?

Note:

The original image shown with the seaweed stuck to the giant robot was with red eyes; this is my color edit to turn them back to Mata Nui's green.

Note:

As far as I know, it's unconfirmed just how much about this Helryx did know, or if anybody inside (other than those two deceased Glatorian pilots, Mata Nui, and Tren Krom) knew that it was a giant robot.

Note [paragraph containing "several important staffs"]:

Only the Staff of Artakha is canon in this paragraph, and this origin explanation of it is not.

Note ["absorbed any gravity over"]:

This theory about the gravity of the megaplanets is non-canon. It's not technically known whether the alien planets even are so large, though it seems necessary by virtue of the fact that Mata Nui is confirmed to have landed on them.

Note:

Exactly how this process [purifying protodermis] works or specifically what the parts of the machine in this image do are unknown.

Note:

The image of the Ko-Metru interior above really is of a transport station, but for a method of transportation that probably wasn't invented yet at this time. I'm interpreting it here as having later been converted for that other method but originally being used as a waystation for robotic buses or the like.

Note:

It was more difficult for Le-Metru than anywhere else to select images that didn't have things invented later. The many hovering craft seen in this probably did not exist yet, but to crop those out here would leave almost nothing left to show. So, just disregard those, although they could be interpreted as very early alternatives to what canonically they are later (see a later chapter for a feature of such an alternative).

Note:

This helmet [worn by the mysterious Toa], including its purpose to help conceal an identity, which Koronga guesses correctly, is canon, but only for a different character much later. Its origins officially are unknown. The character described as wearing it here is non-canon.

Note:

It's quite possible, of course, that none of the bird Rahi featured in this chapter were created yet at this point. The Gukko relatives entered the canon due to a complex series of retcons where one version replaced another and some were entirely decanonized for a while and then finally recanonized.





Replies to reviews:

NT -- Yeah, destroyed would make more sense.

And yes, the material of the SM swords would be rare, but unless there's a "gold principle" (rare material equals valuable), I'm not sure what use anybody would have for them. Unlike protodermis, you can't get powers out of them or anything else interesting -- they're just plain old metal. :P Of course, they could serve as evidence he isn't a native, but I may as well say I somehow didn't think of using that angle. :shrugs:

For study, though, I suppose.

And bamboo and tyrannosaurian are "translations" (and bamboo is the canon term), so same answer as previous examples. None of the English words are really there, so the same logic if applied consistently would say it couldn't be in English at all. :P Same would apply to "tree", "crab", etc.



fishers -- I wouldn't say it was forced per se (though if it had felt that way to you, that wouldn't have surprised me), since it does make sense Mata Nui wouldn't want to waste the Bahrag's time, so what they do in 23 does follow naturally. (And I don't allow anything I actually am forcing.) I guess it's one of those things that could have gone either way plausibly, and I picked the one I felt was more dramatic. :shrugs: That's a good point about more dialogue in the alternative being too confusing, yeah.

As for your theories, I'll be able to comment on the first three better after one of the upcoming chapters in Part 3 (if I'm remembering right) [Okay, that was this chapter. Then a simple yes to the first three. :)]. About the aliens, I didn't have in mind that they don't fight per se, but that they fear those who are of the Shame. Had he just seemed like somebody else trying to stake that land, it was implied at the start of the conversation that they might fight over it if he didn't leave. And no, there was no Shattering there. As for the birds' involvement, no comment. :)



TL -- Not that I recall offhand, but even if a teacher/professor might require that on a school paper, this is dialogue; perfect formality is not only not expected, it wouldn't really fit. (Although you could make a case as he's an AI... but I'd rather not. :P)

Edited by bonesiii, Aug 07 2014 - 02:31 PM.

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#130 Offline avmatoran

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Posted Aug 07 2014 - 06:41 AM

I've been reading your story, and I must say I've enjoyed it. I especially enjoy your description of protodermis, even though I'm continually working to make sure I've wrapped my mind around it! I'm afraid I cannot give a very detailed review right now, although I will try to later. I did think of something in this chapter that I had questions on, though. 

 

If the Great Beings could program protodermis to mold into things, and it can do wacky things like manipulate gravity, couldn't they have just said "Mold into this part, then this protodermis flow into this socket and mold into the next piece, then this flow up and mold into the screw to keep it in place" and so on and so forth? It seems more efficient that having to assemble it all themselves.


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76561198084608045.png

 

Γαρ επιστιμη!

 

For science!

(Literally, it means "For knowledge", but it can be taken as "For science")

 

 

 


#131 Offline RahkshiToa88

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Posted Aug 07 2014 - 06:44 PM

"Dug into the past-" I liked that little pun. Great chapter as usual, and this Ba-Toa is certainly getting me interested. Is it a canon character?


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#132 Offline TLhikan

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Posted Aug 09 2014 - 03:27 PM

Cool descriptions Metru Nui and how it works.

 

So, does purified protodermis congeal into a metallic solid after being heated, or does the heat just burn out the rest of the impurities? 

 

-TLhikan


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#133 Offline Takuta-Nui

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Posted Aug 13 2014 - 08:00 PM

Hey bones - I've finally crawled back to BZP reading! Glad I started with your story as this is going to help me get my head back into this. :) I see I have quite a bit of catching up to do, so I think I may read a bit quickly. Perhaps conserve some of my mystery-solving energies for your next BP episode. ;)

 

Chapter 1: Good decision to start with a single POV, rather than a sweeping narrative that kind of spoils everything already. When people set themselves to the task of writing out an already established story, it is easy for them to treat it at arms length so it feels impersonal. You're doing the opposite - weaving your own ideas into it while speaking outside of the story to the reader to ensure it is clear what is canon and what is not. I can't help but imagine BZP is going to link to this officially (among other resources) if BIONICLE makes a return and we start getting new members. Solid beginning - I'm surprised by how much more I want to know!

 

Chapter 2: It's a cool angle you've given this character that he knows so much about physics, but struggles to survive with the basics. In a way, he has to reverse engineer his knowledge! Adds an interesting progression to the story. I'm now starting to see how interesting your approach to this project is. You're really sticking with this character (although just two chapters might not be a good reference), so this makes me wonder how you're going to cover so many events. Interested to see how that works out.

 

Chapter 3: He really isn't off to a good start with his life. :P (Also, I'm sensing there's not too much more for me to say in each chapter after initial impressions, so let's just let this flow as I read.)

 

Chapter 4:  "From here the vaulted scientists governed the rest of the civilized world, and carried on their secretive experiments." It should be "vaunted."

Did a double-take at the three year journey. You're really taking the longevity of their lives seriously for telling a realistic story!

 

Chapter 6: "I decided Metus had been wrong when he'd complained that the Great Beings were bad rulers because they didn't want the job. Maybe that was the mark of a good ruler." Nice nod to the old thinkers of our planet. ;)

 

Review to be continued!


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An Update Blog on the Chrysalis Saga

By Takuta-Nui


#134 Offline bonesiii

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Posted Aug 14 2014 - 04:25 AM

Author's Comments for Chapter 25: Unrest

Now time begins to move forward rapidly again, but unlike the SM era, it comes with a lot more exact (or approximate) reckoning of years (after the giant's launch / Shattering). In the text file versions, any (as intended, some have probably been missed) mention of a specific time in-story is marked by a sidebar comment that is simply that number after the word Year. I'm not including these here as it's intended as a clickable link system, like the comments I mentioned are also with the chapter titles. The reckoning system will be mentioned in a later chapter as a Matoran custom.

Note:

Helryx's explanation of the meaning of the helmet is non-canon. The only known instance of such a helmet is worn by someone who had been an important hero, but due to circumstances I won't spoil here, no longer had that job. The others who speak with him do not seem especially surprised by the helmet, so I theorize that something like Helryx's explanation is the case.

However, it's also possible, since that took place in a dark room, that the observers simply assumed it was a strange Kanohi mask they were unfamiliar with. I opted for a more interesting explanation.

 

Note ["These needed replaced."]:

It's still unclear if the Red Star's “Sendback” teleporter was broken already at this point, but it's possible some Matoran would die on the Red Star (they can only be revived from the giant robot's interior) from a freak accident, or would be sent back to a distant land and be unable to return. Also, since it's confirmed that destruction of the brain prevents revival, some could still die permanently even this far back in history.

 

Note:

Image is of a later form of Maglya, top color-edited by me to add the "Metru silver".

 

Note:

To be clear, Shonin is a non-canon character. The image shown for him is of a random unnamed Matoran whose storyline role is unknown. What is known is that Toa Helryx does have such a rule against Matoran or Toa being members, and the reason why (which I'm keeping mysterious for now in the story; read on).

 

Note ["massive millipedes" and "big beetles"]:

These specific designs of vehicles might not have been designed yet. They are officially named after a type of robot that is not invented yet. In this story I'm going with the explanation that they are later assigned for use by those robots, while other vehicles may not be, so the name simply denotes who (or what) owns them.

 

Note ["I learned why"]:

Not every image of Matoran has the silver paint. I may try to edit them into every single one later (of the masks that had it; some Matoran, especially later in history, don't have it), but unsure if I'll have time.

 

Note:

It is non-canon that Orde is involved with the Order's (pun not intended heh) method for gaining mind shielding, nor do we know how they do it. It seems much later that they have a more efficient means, but this may be a valid early version or backup, suitable for non-members.

 

Note:

The images of Teridax and Mutran are both of forms they were to take after the 100,000 years since the Shattering. Teridax may have taken a form very similar to this one previously. Mutran's form is probably basically accurate, except for the weapon held in his chest with clawlike ribs, which wouldn't be invented until much later, and likely his wings would really be much larger as the wings shown wouldn't be of use for flight.





Replies to reviews:

av -- Essentially that's exactly what they did -- the Great Beings themselves didn't put it together. They had different bits of protodermis move around other bits of protodermis. As for why they didn't make each bit move itself, the programming for such powers would take up space in the molecule, space that wouldn't leave as much room for the programming of what that bit was meant to do. If you put them all in place and then go around reprogramming each molecule, you might miss some, and the whole thing would glitch (and finding glitches in completed, complex programming is very hard). It's more time-efficient to put the right programming in the right pieces from the start.


RT -- No. See second-to-last comment for that chapter. :)

 

 

TL -- Well, turning solid isn't about becoming more or less pure, since a liquid of high purity can exist while a solid (like a Kanoka) of low purity can also exist. So basically the former. Something about the temperature yo-yo-ing from cool to superheated to cool seems to signal the molecule to alter itself. My theory is it's simply part of the "primitive interface" design intended by the Great Beings to allow fairly simpleminded Matoran to manipulate an advanced molecule without needing to understand how it works. The city guide seems to imply this particular interface depends on amount of time; rapid yo-yo-ing produces more purity, while a long time of heating makes it turn solid when cooled. Apparently.

 

 

TN -- Great to have you reading! To specifics: Well, I don't know if I'd call it "officially" linking, but I do plan to eventually include this in the "useful story resources" post in S&T's "One-Stop" topic, for that reason. :) Haven't bothered yet though since it's still so incomplete as far as what's publicly visible yet. Glad you liked the "reverse engineering" thing, and nice catch about rulers! Also thanks for typo alert.


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#135 Offline fishers64

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Posted Aug 14 2014 - 11:18 AM

As for the birds' involvement, no comment. :)

Hmm. It's kind of hard to see the birds as a big deal here, so they're probably a hint to a minor thing or a component of one of your other stories. :shrugs:

Chapter 24:
 

Okay, that was this chapter. Then a simple yes to the first three. :)


Huh, what?

I am quite pleasantly surprised - I expected to see something like "no comment" - not direct confirmation. Woot woot! ^_^ I suspect there is a bit more to it than that, though. :)

I see that you have even improved upon it in 24 with this revelation:
 

That solved a major mystery I'd struggled with. The destiny programming of both was the same. "Could they influence destiny in the new substance?"

"Yes. They had to or they couldn't have made so much more in the short span of time they did before the Shattering. But they could not read or alter those destinies that were already coded; they could only add to them. After that, they found lakes near the construction site that were rich with most of the minerals they needed, and secretly hired some Agori to mine for the rest. They dumped it all in the lakes and seeded them with the first molecule, with a destiny to construct more around it, and give the same instructions to the new ones, until the resources ran out."


Ah, yes. The mystery is the destiny inherited from the natural protodermis molecules - it's the Destiny of Bionicle! :P

Theory: Given that Koronga isn't artificially constructed, he only has the "natural" destiny without the additional programming the GBs put in for the artificial version.

I imagine that we will be seeing more of the "effects" of the "natural" destiny. I think that will be fun to speculate on - which is natural, what is artificial, what the natural destiny actually is. It only took me 24 chapters out of 90 (?thought it was 90) to see that , though, but now that it's here I'm enjoying the thought immensely.

Also: smooth mystery switch pulled off excellently yet again. :)

Theory: If the being is a Toa, he is wearing a Kanohi Suletu in order to read Koronga's thoughts, allowing him to go ahead of Koronga and know even with shapeshifting.

Theory: If the being isn't a Toa, he is an evil shapeshifted Makuta. Makuta do have telepathy and Gravity powers after all. (Although whether they can use them while shifted is confusing, so this one probably has holes.)

Chapter 25:

 

I thought the mental shielding thing was a matter of training and concentration, rather than a substance. It feels similar to a theory I saw in some story of the "liar's palace" - i.e. "walking though" your illusion and accepting it as truth temporarily, then walking out of it. All that would be needed after that would be to "blank" the palace out so it's just a bunch of empty rooms, and then slowly dissolve even that out so nothing reads there. Then you train the subconcious to do all of that automatically, so your concious mind can focus on other things even with the sheild up.

Although the substance is easier to explain than that long and convoluted explanation, so yeah. :P

And obviously they ditched the "no Matoran joining" rule for Mazeka. (You know that, right? I'm wondering why they ended it, if it was even there, and why it would be there in the first place canonically is questionable at best. :shrugs:)

Still, good chapter all around. :)


Edited by fishers64, Aug 14 2014 - 03:32 PM.

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#136 Offline Takuta-Nui

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Posted Aug 14 2014 - 08:50 PM

Continuing through Chapters 7 - 10, I've gone back and read some of the early reviews. I have to delay them a bit since some might mention content from a group of chapters, spoiling something for me, but I'm reading pretty fast so I may be caught up this weekend!

 

I agree somewhat with the common critique that the protagonist seemed too artificial. The argument doesn't totally work, though, since that is the intent in a way - being suddenly created with tons of knowledge but no life experience. There's "naturally" going to be some awkward narration as the narrator himself adjusts to his existence and the dissonance between his knowledge, his life experience, his body, his expressions, his still-developing personality, etc. What makes this work for me is that you have to read further on to his near-death encounter with the protodermis in the Northern Frost to see him really take a shift toward living with purpose. His character seems to take on more definite form in a matter of sentences in that chapter - what we would call a "pivotal character development moment." ;)

 

And hey, if we want to go even further than this, we could say that the awkwardness in the beginning is part of a meta-commentary on the artificiality of consciousness itself. Hey, if you wanna run with that argument, knock yourself out. :P

 

Chapter 10: "Mental gender identities were included, though there was no physical purpose to them, apparently just because the Great Beings were accustomed to thinking of beings in terms of gender."

Neat way to tell us more about the Great Beings - they do have gender, and also that they might not have fully dissociated from that construct when creating new beings. The more this story develops, the more obvious it becomes how flawed they are and how they really are just scientists and hardly even philosophers.

 

"Clouds curled around its ankles."

Thrilling.

 

Great depiction of the Shattering. For me after being a few years away from the story, it's actually very refreshing to be reading the entire story in true chronological order. Getting some of that old excitement. ;)

 

Chapter 11: Very enjoyable and sweeping journey through the Matoran Universe (and we've made it this far! Well done, Koronga.) Some of this was new to me, especially the Toa with the ground-shaping staff. Also had somewhat forgotten about the original giant sea Rahi. Big beasties are always fun to write. :P

 

Chapter 13: I didn't expect the detailed journey or his exposure to the Toa Mata, but I enjoyed it. Felt like his first real connection with the Matoran and what is arguably his true home. That does make me think, however... has the story actually confirmed that Koronga was created in that very moment at the clifftop on Spherus Magna? If not, then it's entirely possible that there's a third universe involved. I also wonder if Koronga is going to find out where the Great Beings went after the Shattering. If I recall correctly, they didn't stay on the planet but went somewhere else.

 

Chapter 14: I personally approve of your non-canon exploration of the "Inner Workings" of the robot. It all pretty much makes sense from what we already have confirmed, anyway. Cool sketch of the maintenance robots - the "wheels" remind me of the electric airships from The Matrix and I wonder if that was an inspiration? Seems like the most efficient way to travel through narrow tubes anyway, which was also proven by the movies.

 

"A transcendant version of it was present already in natural protodermis" - Did you mean "transcendent"?

 

Some good ol' nutty bonesiii physics theory right here (and in Chapter 15) with the protodermis molecules. Love it. :D

 

"It listed them by Mata Nui's priority of current focus, so the one at the top was always the one that took up the most space on the huge screen."

 

Clever reference to the Great Beings' equivalent of RAM and an activity monitor!

 

Interesting speculation at the end about the nature of good, and its relationship to longevity. In my view, the shorter one knows one will live, the more likely they will resort to evil actions in order to gain more for themselves more quickly. The basic mentality of I'm dying soon so I deserve this. And the longer one lives, the more likely they will either go evil or good, because the potential for leaving a greater legacy of good or evil is greater over a longer period of time. So in my view, evil is highly possible in both scenarios, but in the longer life scenario good is just as possible.

 

Thus, it's better to live longer as you'll have more time to build your legacy of good... as well as more time to commit evil deeds and later feel remorse and make amends by turning back to good. This is kind of why I seriously advocate scientific immortality for humans, as it means we would need to adapt to a new life of living with the consequences of our actions rather than passing them onto future generations.

 

Chapter 15: "Language, identity, and similar things would be essentially for a being to be able to survive in his world." - Think you meant "essential."

 

3D printing wasn't something I expected to see here, but the concept works very well for solving the problem of how to create a complex biomechanical being with the same base material. Well done - loving your style of filling in the unanswered bits of Bionicle while keeping it on the path of significant events.


Edited by Takuta-Nui, Aug 18 2014 - 05:07 PM.

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An Update Blog on the Chrysalis Saga

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