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REVIEW: Bionicle Mafia Uprising: Book 1 - Isolation

Mafia Voltex Review Swag Uprising

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#1 Offline Voltex

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Posted Mar 06 2014 - 03:44 PM

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You all signed up, so here it is! In this review topic is the character list and the chapters. Each character has a little bio that may or may not end up being fully relevant to the story (some are more relevant than others). 

 

The PremiseThis story is based upon the Mafia games played frequently in the G&T Forum. While attending a conference on the island of BZ-Koro, 23 Matoran find themselves trapped in the building after a terrorist strike, and they must fight to earn the right to survive.

 

The Chapters

Prelude - A very important arrest is made.

Prologue - Voltex tries to prepare for the fate that is speeding towards him.

Chapter 1 - The first Matoran falls victim to the Traitors, and Voltex makes a shocking discovery.

Chapter 2 - An old enemy confronts Voltex, and the first execution dooms four Matoran.

Chapter 3 - Contact is made, and Ehks becomes enemy number one.

Chapter 4 - Sumiki plays his enemies for fools.

Chapter 5 - Pulse witnesses the murder of two Matoran.

Chapter 6 - A brutal execution precedes the reappearance of Xaeraz.

Chapter 7 - With five more dead, Voltex prepares to hunt down the final traitor.

Chapter 8 - At the end of the game, Sumiki reveals his master plan.

Epilogue - One in hiding; One going mad; One giving in; and One with dark secrets.

Interlude - A heist goes exactly as planned.

 

The Characters

GO TO THIS POST TO SEE THE ROLES

1 – Makuta Luroka - Fa-Matoran; From the Tren Krom Peninsula area; origins unknown.
2 – 
Ehks - Fa-Matoran; From far down south, and a former Bionifighter.
3 – 
JiMing - Ta-Matoran; Once a huge fan of Voltex, after he retired JiMing entered the Bionifight league himself and has since become one of the most popular fighters in the league.
4 – 
Portalfig - Onu-Matoran; A close friend of Voltex's and one of the managers of the Day Run races.
5 – 
Sumiki - Fe-Matoran; The CEO of Hats Enterprises and an official business partner of the White Council.
6 – 
Lhikevikk - Ta-Matoran; A stand-up comedian that just finished a tour in Xia.
7 – 
Scanty Demon - Ce-Matoran; A refugee who managed to escape the mass killings of Ce-Matoran down south.
8 – 
Shadowhawk - Shadow Matoran; One of the most popular Bionifighters, and the one who ended Voltex's career. 
9 – 
Zakaro - Onu-Matoran; Another popular fighter in the Technic Coliseum and Bionifight league, as well as the current Day Run champion.
10 – 
Tahukan - Ta-Matoran; The personal assistant of Pulse, who has somehow survived seven attempts on his life.
11 – 
Pulse - Su-Matoran; Advises the White Council and lends his support to their decisions. Although he does not run it in any capacity, he owns the Metru-Nui News Network and has become rich as a result. He has survived nine assassination attempts.
12 – 
Chro - De-Matoran; An emerging author and actor quickly growing in popularity.
13 – 
Blade - Vo-Matoran; Close friends with Voltex and Unit; competes in the Day Run and Bionifight, while acting as a Private Detective on the side. Has been requested to join the police force by the White Council on several occasions.
14 – 
Toa Kayn - Ko-Matoran; A former scholar from Ko-Metru who now specializes in freelance technology.
15 – 
LockeBZ - Ta-Matoran; Makes comics professionally as a hobby, though he has recently focused on his Bionifight career.
16 – 
TBK - Po-Matoran; A newly emerging comic maker growing in popularity by leaps and bounds. Has been contacted by the White Council regarding propaganda work.
17 – 
Norik of Gielinor - Ta-Matoran; A lone-wolf Matoran from Stelt whose origins are unknown.
18 – 
Voxumo - Ko-Matoran; A lone-wolf Matoran that fights in the Bionifight league and Technic Coliseum, as well as racing in the Day Run. Is easily identified by his signature massive scythe, which he is rarely seen without.
19 – 
Voltex - Ba-Matoran; Close friends with Blade and Unit; a disgraced author thanks to Pulse and a disgraced Bionifighter thanks to Shadowhawk, Voltex is now a member of the conspiracy group Automaton helps to lead. Rumors say he has another job on the side.
20 – 
Unit - Fa-Matoran; Close friends with Voltex and Blade; formerly a miner in Onu-Metru and currently a warden of Facility A, a prison in Onu-Metru.
21 – 
Pupwa21 - Le-Matoran; A local from BZ-Koro, whose origins are unknown.
22 – 
Kaiser Manducus - Fe-Matoran; The disgraced former CEO of RomeTech, who was arrested by Voltex for providing Xaeraz with financial backing, though who made the arrest was never made public.
23 – 
Shadow Flaredrick - Ta-Matoran; A worker from the Great Furnace in Ta-Metru.
24 – 
Taka Nuvia - Av-Matoran; An artist often commissioned by the White Council.
25 – 
The Remorseful Automaton - Le-Matoran; One of the managers of the Moto Hub, as well as one of the leaders of an organization that believes the White Council are not the wise old Turaga they appear to be.
26 - 
Xaeraz - Fe-Matoran; A bloodthirsty mastermind and the most wanted criminal in Metru-Nui, Xaeraz's origins are largely unknown.
27 - 
Burnmad - Ta-Matoran; Once a common face in the Technic Coliseums and Bionifight league, he has since all but vanished from the public eye.
28 - 
RG - Su-Matoran; A rookie reporter from the Metru-Nui News Network and a huge fan of Voltex.

 

Story Topic Here.

 

EDIT: Just thought I'd mention that there will be four "narrators" of the epic - four different points of view that we'll see. As they're revealed I'll bold their link. One has been revealed so far - who could the other three be?

>>As of Chapter 1, two more narrators have been revealed!

>>And with Chapter 2 now up, all four narrators are known!


Edited by Voltex Oblige, Jun 14 2014 - 12:23 PM.

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#2 Offline Zakaro

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Posted Mar 06 2014 - 04:37 PM

OOOOOO, very nice. It's a good blend of mystery and action and just plain awesomeness. 

also I'm a good racer O.o :D

But anyway

I do exceptionally like the great characterizations of everyone, while they're perhaps not entirely accurate to the user who's name they share I like the personalities in general. 

And 4 POV's? Very nice indeed. 

We've got Voltex already, so I'm just theorizing that perhaps one of the Bionifighters (JiMing, Ehks, Shadowhawk, Blade or Vox)(oh, and me :P ) will be another, while someone on the outside (Automaton, Taka (?),) will be the third. Lastly I feel that one of the businessmen (Manducus, Tahukan, Pulse) would be the last POV.

of course this is all speculation

But I'm getting the outside part from the 28 character/23 people trapped difference, even if one of those is covered by Xaeraz. 

So yes. 

Good story is good. I look forwards to more. :)

Zakaro


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The Journey begins! Feel free to join as the quest starts out.  ^_^

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#3 Offline Tagolrip

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Posted Mar 06 2014 - 04:58 PM

Whew. Who knew that seeing yourself in an epic could be so intense? xD

 

I hope to examine it a little better, later, but I will mention now that I really enjoyed it. I am excited to see how you depict a lot of different things, and it will be fun. Hopefully I can edit this later and comment more on the actual chapter and writing and such. *shrug*

 

Also I bet Xaeraz is one of the other viewpoints, and maybe Pulse or Kaiser?, and probably Shadowhawk or Ehks. (lol I have no idea)


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#4 Offline Rahkshi Guurahk

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Posted Mar 06 2014 - 05:03 PM

Hype done. Chapter hype time. :P

I'm a blue Su-Matoran. :P

I WILL GET THOSE INSTRUMENTS BACK :P


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#5 Offline Xaeraz

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Posted Mar 06 2014 - 05:22 PM

Honestly, Voltex would be remiss if he didn't include a variety of perspectives. If he wants to tell the full story, the best combination of viewpoints would be himself, someone on the outside, someone inside my little Fun Fair who isn't part of his cabal, and me or one of my accomplices. Cover all angles that way.

 

Of course, I have no doubt that he'll make this shebang a right fun ride, if the current writing is anything to go by. I know I, for one, am going to enjoy watching myself put you all through my favorite game of Hide and Seek.


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#6 Offline Rahkshi Guurahk

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Posted Mar 06 2014 - 05:25 PM

I thought it was hide and/or die. :P


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#7 Offline Chro

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Posted Mar 06 2014 - 06:20 PM

I'm a De-Matoran?
Okay, that's fine.

Story's great so far.

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#8 Offline Shadowhawk

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Posted Mar 06 2014 - 06:22 PM

Is much fun to read and makes me happy. I have no further comment. :)


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#9 Offline Vivian James

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Posted Mar 06 2014 - 06:23 PM

For the record I imagine Xaeraz looking like Metal Gear Rising Raiden. I honestly have no idea why.

Either way yah I got a part, even if it is one line. Still a line. Hopefully I don't die first, because I like living. But I'll to wait and see how things turn out. Can't wait for that next chapter.

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#10 Offline Chro

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Posted Mar 06 2014 - 06:31 PM

For your sake I hope you're not the Pyro, because that would mean automatic first-round death.
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#11 Offline Rahkshi Guurahk

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Posted Mar 06 2014 - 06:34 PM

For your sake I hope you're not the Pyro, because that would mean automatic first-round death.

Well, the round after the first kill.


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If I actually tried putting all the stuff I like on here, the sig would burst.

 

 


#12 Offline Phoenix Zero

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Posted Mar 06 2014 - 06:38 PM

Hm, I'm liking how the canon Bionicle world and universes from G&T are being blended together, it's pretty nice.

 

Ooh, I'm a Bionifighter! And Shadowhawk is the one who ended your career... It would be a shame if we didn't fight. =P Still don't know how I'm being characterized though...


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#13 Offline Ehksidian

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Posted Mar 06 2014 - 08:15 PM

why can't i like more than one time

why isn't that an option.

i can't wait until next chapter, it's looking really good so far.


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#14 Offline Voltex

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Posted Mar 06 2014 - 09:30 PM

OOOOOO, very nice. It's a good blend of mystery and action and just plain awesomeness. 

also I'm a good racer O.o :D

But anyway

I do exceptionally like the great characterizations of everyone, while they're perhaps not entirely accurate to the user who's name they share I like the personalities in general. 

And 4 POV's? Very nice indeed. 

We've got Voltex already, so I'm just theorizing that perhaps one of the Bionifighters (JiMing, Ehks, Shadowhawk, Blade or Vox)(oh, and me :P ) will be another, while someone on the outside (Automaton, Taka (?),) will be the third. Lastly I feel that one of the businessmen (Manducus, Tahukan, Pulse) would be the last POV.

of course this is all speculation

But I'm getting the outside part from the 28 character/23 people trapped difference, even if one of those is covered by Xaeraz. 

So yes. 

Good story is good. I look forwards to more. :)

Zakaro

Some good guesses for the other POVs... or are they??? Mwahaha.

Don't expect full accuracy: for one, I don't know you all well enough. :P For two, I need some things specifically for plot. 

 

Whew. Who knew that seeing yourself in an epic could be so intense? xD

 

I hope to examine it a little better, later, but I will mention now that I really enjoyed it. I am excited to see how you depict a lot of different things, and it will be fun. Hopefully I can edit this later and comment more on the actual chapter and writing and such. *shrug*

 

Also I bet Xaeraz is one of the other viewpoints, and maybe Pulse or Kaiser?, and probably Shadowhawk or Ehks. (lol I have no idea)

Glad you enjoyed it - originally you were just an Onu-Matoran in the audience, until I realized "hey, this is the perfect introduction for Portal!" So yeah. =P

 

Hype done. Chapter hype time. :P

I'm a blue Su-Matoran. :P

I WILL GET THOSE INSTRUMENTS BACK :P

Gotcha. I hope you enjoyed your cameo. =)

 

Honestly, Voltex would be remiss if he didn't include a variety of perspectives. If he wants to tell the full story, the best combination of viewpoints would be himself, someone on the outside, someone inside my little Fun Fair who isn't part of his cabal, and me or one of my accomplices. Cover all angles that way.

 

Of course, I have no doubt that he'll make this shebang a right fun ride, if the current writing is anything to go by. I know I, for one, am going to enjoy watching myself put you all through my favorite game of Hide and Seek.

You are correct, Xaeraz. Keeping the story to just my own point of view would be far too limiting. I won't comment on the perspectives you've recommended, as those comments would indicate too closely who I have chosen, but your point is spot-on.

 

I thought it was hide and/or die. :P

Not so much hide, no. Dying is guaranteed, however.

 

I'm a De-Matoran?
Okay, that's fine.

Story's great so far.

De-Matoran are Matoran of Sonics, which is I believe the element you requested.

 

Is much fun to read and makes me happy. I have no further comment. :)

Glad you liked it. As you can see, I inserted our rivalry into the story a little bit. That will be expanded upon.

 

For the record I imagine Xaeraz looking like Metal Gear Rising Raiden. I honestly have no idea why.

Either way yah I got a part, even if it is one line. Still a line. Hopefully I don't die first, because I like living. But I'll to wait and see how things turn out. Can't wait for that next chapter.

Most characters should be getting at least a few lines, minus maybe some of the earlier deaths. I won't lie - some of you are going to be disappointed with your portrayals or how long you last, but it was literally a matter of the dice roll (or in this case the RNG roll).

 

For your sake I hope you're not the Pyro, because that would mean automatic first-round death.

There is no Pyro - also, I KNEW I was forgetting something! Pardon me, I'll add all the roles into the first post of this topic now. I didn't mean to make you all theorize about roles.

 

Actually, I'll wait until the next chapter to add those, but I will say that there is no Pyro.

 

 

For your sake I hope you're not the Pyro, because that would mean automatic first-round death.

Well, the round after the first kill.

 

Either one, honestly, if the past is anything to go by.

 

Hm, I'm liking how the canon Bionicle world and universes from G&T are being blended together, it's pretty nice.

 

Ooh, I'm a Bionifighter! And Shadowhawk is the one who ended your career... It would be a shame if we didn't fight. =P Still don't know how I'm being characterized though...

You'll find out soon enough. Some characters will be introduced later than others, because I can't just zerg-rush you all in at once.

 

why can't i like more than one time

why isn't that an option.

i can't wait until next chapter, it's looking really good so far.

Glad you're enjoying. I think you might know the most about what's going on aside from Burnmad, so hush-hush about everything please. :P


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#15 Offline Ehksidian

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Posted Mar 06 2014 - 09:38 PM

 

why can't i like more than one time

why isn't that an option.

i can't wait until next chapter, it's looking really good so far.

Glad you're enjoying. I think you might know the most about what's going on aside from Burnmad, so hush-hush about everything please. :P

 

don't worry

my lips are sealed, jim.


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#16 Offline Voltex

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Posted Mar 06 2014 - 09:42 PM

don't worry

my lips are sealed, jim.

 

Good to know. =P


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#17 Offline Chro

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Posted Mar 06 2014 - 09:53 PM

I'm a De-Matoran?
Okay, that's fine.

Story's great so far.

De-Matoran are Matoran of Sonics, which is I believe the element you requested.

Nah, but sonics is fine. Hoping for a connection with the Ghost and the silent nature of De-Matoran. ;)


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#18 Offline Voltex

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Posted Mar 06 2014 - 09:55 PM

What element did you request? I could change it.

 

E: Just realized I could go and look at the blog post... #fail


Edited by Voltex 2, Mar 06 2014 - 09:55 PM.

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#19 Offline Chro

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Posted Mar 06 2014 - 10:19 PM

Stick with sonics, actually, if you've not already changed it to something else.


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#20 Offline Dapper-Sama

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Posted Mar 06 2014 - 10:50 PM

I love it! I can see you've fleshed out your existing characters very well already.

 

Still angry at myself for missing character signups.


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Morally unambiguous.


#21 Offline Voltex

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Posted Mar 06 2014 - 11:20 PM

Stick with sonics, actually, if you've not already changed it to something else.

 

Got it. Sticking with sonics.

I love it! I can see you've fleshed out your existing characters very well already.

 

Still angry at myself for missing character signups.

Do not worry too much, there may be more opportunities in the future. The far distant future.


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#22 Offline Pulse Trijhak

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Posted Mar 07 2014 - 12:36 PM

Story is amazing so far and nice to read. Guessing five of the characters are part of the Mafia, because then they wouldn't need to 'survive'.

 

And that Blade (because he's the detective) and Automaton are going to be two other points of view. One last point of view from someone in the Mafia itself too, whoever that may be.

 

It seems I made you a disgraced author? That's interesting, I'm assuming through 'influencing' the news. I'm an advisor as well? That's a recipe for disaster. At least I'm rich. I have a suspicion I'm part of the Mafia, or if I'm not then Tahukan is and he has me as the figurehead for the news network, which seems more likely since I 'own' the news network... but don't actually run it. Sounds like those involved with the white council might be a part of the mafia. Of course, who knows? 

 

I am also absolutely sure Shadowhawk is almost definitely either going to be a serial killer type role or one of the more influential members of the Mafia.

 

Yeah, I definitely like this. 


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BIOLOGICAL CHRONICLE: 2015

 

starring

 

HERO FACTORY CHARACTERISTICS

 

and

 

GALIDOR PIECES

 

with

 

TONS OF NEW SERIALS AND REVELATIONS

 

in an

 

OVERCOMPLICATED ADVENTURE


#23 Offline Voltex

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Posted Mar 07 2014 - 01:50 PM

Story is amazing so far and nice to read. Guessing five of the characters are part of the Mafia, because then they wouldn't need to 'survive'.

 

And that Blade (because he's the detective) and Automaton are going to be two other points of view. One last point of view from someone in the Mafia itself too, whoever that may be.

 

It seems I made you a disgraced author? That's interesting, I'm assuming through 'influencing' the news. I'm an advisor as well? That's a recipe for disaster. At least I'm rich. I have a suspicion I'm part of the Mafia, or if I'm not then Tahukan is and he has me as the figurehead for the news network, which seems more likely since I 'own' the news network... but don't actually run it. Sounds like those involved with the white council might be a part of the mafia. Of course, who knows? 

 

I am also absolutely sure Shadowhawk is almost definitely either going to be a serial killer type role or one of the more influential members of the Mafia.

 

Yeah, I definitely like this. 

There's some interesting stuff coming for the eventual confrontation between our two characters.


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#24 Offline Pupwa21

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Posted Mar 07 2014 - 04:05 PM

I bet I'm going to be filler. That's what I do, really.
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broke arm.

#25 Offline Chro

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Posted Mar 07 2014 - 09:42 PM

Pupwa, you don't need filler in a review topic for an epic. If you have no point in commenting aside from providing unneeded filler, then just don't comment. Thanks.

 

 

Stick with sonics, actually, if you've not already changed it to something else.

Got it. Sticking with sonics.

Neat.

 

 

The far distant future.

Bionicle Mafia Uprising: Book 2 - The Far Distant Future


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#26 Offline Ehksidian

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Posted Mar 07 2014 - 09:44 PM

No, he means he will be used as filler.

Literal filler. Doughnut filler.


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#27 Offline Voltex

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Posted Mar 07 2014 - 09:46 PM

I bet I'm going to be filler. That's what I do, really.

You might be surprised.

 

Pupwa, you don't need filler in a review topic for an epic. If you have no point in commenting aside from providing unneeded filler, then just don't comment. Thanks.

 

 

Stick with sonics, actually, if you've not already changed it to something else.

Got it. Sticking with sonics.

Neat.

 

 

The far distant future.

Bionicle Mafia Uprising: Book 2 - The Far Distant Future

I think he literally means filler as in "filler character", actually. =P

How did you know I was maybe thinking about Book 2 waaaaat

 

No, he means he will be used as filler.

Literal filler. Doughnut filler.

Maybe not doughnut filler....


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#28 Offline Voltex

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Posted Mar 08 2014 - 02:53 PM

Chapter 1 is posted! Below I have copied the roles that are being used for this epic, and I'll link this post at the beginning of this topic for you all as well. Don't take the descriptions of each role too seriously; the flavor text was written down before I actually finished planning the epic, and while I have fixed some stuff, it might not all be relevant.

 

THE ROLES

Pro-Town (17)

Matoran x12 – No unusual abilities; all they do is participate in the voting process each day.

Armed Matoran x1 – One of the Matoran managed to snatch a pistol with one bullet; if targeted by the Traitors, they can take down their killer with them.

Medic x1 – A Matoran skilled in the medical field; can predict which Matoran will be targeted and protect them.

Detective x1 – A Matoran who was training to join the brand new Vahki enforcement squads when the lockdown occurred; each night he investigates another Matoran to figure out their role.

Inventors x2 – Two inventors caught when the lockdown began; can work together to give an invention to one of the Matoran. Inventions include: Disk Launcher (kill), Armor (protection), Scanner (investigation).

 

Anti-Town (5)

Leader x1 – The supposed leader of the Traitors; this Matoran is wearing a special technological body armor that will protect them until all of their colleagues are dead.

Traitors x3 – Three traitorous Matoran serving the eponymous “Leader”; one is sent out each night to kill.

Ghost x1 – The Ghost operates much like the five Traitors, but rumor has it they had just finished developing a device that will allow them to live on after death in some capacity.

 

Neutral (1)

Spy x1 – A Matoran skilled in the arts of espionage, who can copy the abilities of another Matoran each night and appears as a Matoran if investigated. Can copy the Traitors (kill), Medic (protection), or Detective (investigation).


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#29 Offline Chro

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Posted Mar 08 2014 - 02:59 PM

“Maybe,” Chro said. “Were you a member of the writer’s group that collapsed last year? I was a member there.”

 
Ahahahahaaaa
 

Ghost x1 – The Ghost operates much like the five Traitors, but rumor has it they had just finished developing a device that will allow them to live on after death in some capacity.

 
Ka-ching

Edited by Chro, Mar 08 2014 - 02:59 PM.

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#30 Offline Voltex

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Posted Mar 08 2014 - 03:02 PM

 

“Maybe,” Chro said. “Were you a member of the writer’s group that collapsed last year? I was a member there.”

 
Ahahahahaaaa
 

Ghost x1 – The Ghost operates much like the five Traitors, but rumor has it they had just finished developing a device that will allow them to live on after death in some capacity.

 
Ka-ching

 

I see you got the reference, very good

Of course I could not forget about the Ghost either


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#31 Offline Captain Caboose

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Posted Mar 08 2014 - 03:16 PM

I feel happy that I got mentioned.
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BZPRPG Profiles

Flaredrick Seria - Potas -'Jet Fire' -'Razor'- 'Infector' - Reso 'Vo - Kasrar 'V- Ludvin va Betravo - Vallen Tor - Molvr Kalr

#32 Offline Chro

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Posted Mar 08 2014 - 03:18 PM

I'm just going to say this for the benefit of those reading: I don't actually know whether or not I am the Ghost, and I'm fully prepared to not be. Just... hoping that I am. You know how it is.

 

If Shadowhawk isn't revived in some spectacular fashion with plenty of horrific necromancy, I'll eat a hat. One of Sumiki's hats.

 

The one error I noticed was a punctuation thing in Tahukan's conversation with Ehks. "Let's" should be "Lets"... otherwise I think everything was fine.

I think I know Ehks' role.


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#33 Offline Voltex

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Posted Mar 08 2014 - 03:22 PM

I feel happy that I got mentioned.

I will admit Chapter 1 is my least favorite out of what I've written so far merely because I had to drop so many names to start introducing characters. Chapter 2 has that issue to a far lesser extent (closer to the number of characters introduced in the prologue) and the rest don't really have any new additions to the cast at all.

 

I'm just going to say this for the benefit of those reading: I don't actually know whether or not I am the Ghost, and I'm fully prepared to not be. Just... hoping that I am. You know how it is.

 

If Shadowhawk isn't revived in some spectacular fashion with plenty of horrific necromancy, I'll eat a hat. One of Sumiki's hats.

 

The one error I noticed was a punctuation thing in Tahukan's conversation with Ehks. "Let's" should be "Lets"... otherwise I think everything was fine.

I think I know Ehks' role.

Isn't it "let's", as in "let us"? If not I'll definitely go back and fix that. =P

I don't plan on reviving anyone who dies during this book, but in the future it might not be outside the realm of possibility for me to use that as a plot device if I find myself needing characters already dead - although even if I start reviving dead characters, it's definitely not going to become commonplace. Very rare to return to life.

 

PM me your guess - I won't tell you if you're right or wrong, but I'm curious to know what your thoughts are.


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#34 Offline Phoenix Zero

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Posted Mar 08 2014 - 03:30 PM

So is half the cast going to die in Chapter 2? Because I think otherwise, you're going to have to drop names for a while.
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#35 Offline Voltex

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Posted Mar 08 2014 - 03:34 PM

So is half the cast going to die in Chapter 2? Because I think otherwise, you're going to have to drop names for a while.

No. Just that I'm introducing everyone except for one character in Chapters 1 & 2 (sorry to the member that gets delayed until Chapter 3 - rest assured your introduction is cooler than "hello my name is" to make up for it).

 

There's enough death in this epic already without me killing half of the cast off in one chapter. =P 

 

Obviously certain characters play larger roles than others; the 4 POV characters consisting of the "main" characters, and then extending to the secondary, tertiary, and mostly background characters.


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#36 Offline Phoenix Zero

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Posted Mar 08 2014 - 03:43 PM

Oh okay then. I noticed my introduction is out of the way, by being mentioned off handedly once. About as good as I expected.

Edited by JiMing, Mar 08 2014 - 03:44 PM.

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#37 Offline Voltex

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Posted Mar 08 2014 - 03:50 PM

Oh okay then. I noticed my introduction is out of the way, by being mentioned off handedly once. About as good as I expected.

You're one of a few characters that I'm having other characters mention off-handedly before properly introducing. I think you'll enjoy your first real scene. :)


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#38 Online Fairy Knight

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Posted Mar 08 2014 - 04:03 PM

Your writing style is very, very enjoyable, and reading the epic is just as thrilling as a 'real' mafia game, if not even more. =D And considering the huge amount of characters in this, I think you're also doing a good job with the introductions. :)

 

So yeah, this is really great. :3


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formerly known as Taka Nuvia or sometimes Demon Jester. ^^


#39 Offline Pulse Trijhak

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Posted Mar 08 2014 - 04:08 PM

Well, that's a reveal... someone thought to be trustworthy is not, and that 'my' assistant is the Inventor.  Even more surprising to me is that I'm one of the viewpoints. Me hating a pseudo-power and celebrity life status is pretty much exactly how I would feel. 

 

As for who committed the crime, I suspect Luroka (and that his name may be more literal than people think). We haven't seen much of Flaredrick, Unit pointed it out, and I don't think murderers point out that someone they killed is dying, and we know Tahukan can't have done it as he's the Inventor.


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BIOLOGICAL CHRONICLE: 2015

 

starring

 

HERO FACTORY CHARACTERISTICS

 

and

 

GALIDOR PIECES

 

with

 

TONS OF NEW SERIALS AND REVELATIONS

 

in an

 

OVERCOMPLICATED ADVENTURE


#40 Offline Voltex

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Posted Mar 08 2014 - 04:14 PM

Your writing style is very, very enjoyable, and reading the epic is just as thrilling as a 'real' mafia game, if not even more. =D And considering the huge amount of characters in this, I think you're also doing a good job with the introductions. :)

 

So yeah, this is really great. :3

Glad to hear you're enjoying it! It helps that I have 5 characters not actually directly involved in what's going on; RG's appearance was just a cameo and you, Automaton and Xaeraz probably won't appear too frequently. 

 

I'm not ready to discuss what role Burnmad might play in all of this. =P

 

Well, that's a reveal... someone thought to be trustworthy is not, and that 'my' assistant is the Inventor.  Even more surprising to me is that I'm one of the viewpoints. Me hating a pseudo-power and celebrity life status is pretty much exactly how I would feel. 

 

As for who committed the crime, I suspect Luroka (and that his name may be more literal than people think). We haven't seen much of Flaredrick, Unit pointed it out, and I don't think murderers point out that someone they killed is dying, and we know Tahukan can't have done it as he's the Inventor.

I decided all of the roles by RNG (aside from my own, I couldn't resist), and used that to give myself a rough frame. I chose you as a POV because I think, fundamentally, your character is almost the opposite of Voltex. Although Voltex would never admit it, he'd love the power and celebrity status of your position - and did love it before everything crashed and burned around him.


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