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The Retelling

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#1 Offline Pahrak #0579

Pahrak #0579
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Posted Mar 14 2014 - 01:23 PM

We struggled long, cried out for help,

We begged them to arrive.

At last they came—they came—they came!

We knew we would survive.


Then came Tahu, wreathed in flame,

Bringing heat and light.

Then came Lewa, quick and kind,

Laughing in his flight.

Then came Gali from the sea,

Whose wisdom we much needed.

Then came Onua, yes, we knew

Our hopes were then exceeded.

Then Kopaka, who though aloof,

Does lend his mighty power.

Then Pohatu, that mighty hero,

A friend to never cower.


These strangers were for what we yearned,

Our hope fulfilled at last.

They kept us safe, they made us strong.

Makuta’s threat did pass.


That is just a fantasy.


We struggled long, cried out for help,

We begged them to arrive.

At last they came—they came—they came!

But oh…things took a dive.


Then came Hakann with his gun,

Setting minds—and matter alike—ablaze.

Then came Avak, a curious inventor

Who could, if he wanted, instantly trap us inside of a maze.

And Zaktan—oh, Zaktan, how terrifying Zaktan was.

The revulsion—the—I can’t explain, such revulsion at that…buzz.

Vezok, I hear, is no longer whole,

But that does not quite excuse his animalistic temper.

Thok, then.

Things came to a haunting semblance of life wherever he went.

And Reidak, that foul-tempered brute,

Would take any attack and shrug it off without so much as a dent.


These strangers, no, they were not heroes.

Desperate, we fell for their obvious tricks.

These strangers might’ve saved us—but no, instead,

They brought Makuta here.  For kicks.


That is what is real to me.


You may hope that this ends here,

To see this dark thread chopped,

But I tell you friend, oh listen now:

It’s not about to stop.

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#2 Offline SwagtronYOLO

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Posted Mar 14 2014 - 02:32 PM

Interesting.  I noticed you started with a ballad, but I am unfamiliar with the structure after the "That is just a fantasy." line, so I didn't know how to read it properly.


Still, pretty good.  I liked the theme of Voya Nui at the end and although I didn't pick up on what it was, I like that the style changed when it switched to the Piraka.  Kinda made it feel like a foil to the start of the poem.

Edited by Unikitty Tekulo, Mar 14 2014 - 02:32 PM.

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