Yagami Kumi Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 (edited) Hello all, and welcome to my Epic commemorating my return from BZP hiatus of around 5 years, give or take. This story takes place on the island of Metra Nui, and is set in the same reality as the Core Dimension, albeit some time after, and deliberately written in a way similar to the storyline circa 2001, though with changes here and there to prevent it from being a rehash. PrologueChapter 1Chapter 2Chapter 3Chapter 4Chapter 5Chapter 6Chapter 7Chapter 8 Edited May 30, 2014 by Yagami Kumi Quote Signature Guidelines: Avatar and signature total file size may not exceed 100 KB! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phovos Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 This has a much darker, much more desolate tone to most Bionicle stories, particularly ones you've written. There's certainly something in the air, and it's begging the reader to continue and want to read more. Well done Quote Click here to read The Bohrok-Kal's Ramblings! Yes, I know there were 7 months between the last two episodes but oh well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matoro Zeliph Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Nice intro teaser. I bet it is going to be something purely epic! Yeah, I would really like to follow your story updates through RSS if possible. But I am not sure how to exactly do that. :/ I'm no new member to BZP, but I've been gone for some 5 years, 6 years? Some people may remember me, but much time has passed and we have all changed vastly. (I, for one, am no longer a crazy 10/11 year old with a terrible sense of humour, though crazy nonetheless.) Hey, same here. I haven't logged on BZP since 2004. So whoa! A lot of things has changed. Quote My MOC galleries: YouTube-DeviantArt-Majhost-Brickshelf-(Avatar made by my sister, Hahli) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phovos Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Reading through the recent chapters, it runs INCREDIBLY close to that of the original 2003-2003 story, in some ways seeming more like a rehash than something of a later time. It is really well written, but you need something more than time to discern and differ yourself from the Bionicle story. Quote Click here to read The Bohrok-Kal's Ramblings! Yes, I know there were 7 months between the last two episodes but oh well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matoro Zeliph Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 Up to ch6, I like your interpretation of a slightly alternate universe from the original Bionicle story 2001. It is quite familiar, but a fresh take on the action and quite an enjoyable to read. I like it! Quote My MOC galleries: YouTube-DeviantArt-Majhost-Brickshelf-(Avatar made by my sister, Hahli) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yagami Kumi Posted March 23, 2014 Author Share Posted March 23, 2014 I would like to point out something. This does -not- take place in an alternate universe, but rather, set in the Main Universe albeit some time after. It does link to the original story, though I decided to take it back to its not complex roots, partially to appeal to non-fans of Bionicle. Quote Signature Guidelines: Avatar and signature total file size may not exceed 100 KB! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZOMBI3S Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I must say I like where this is going. This Metra-Nui you've created feels a lot like 2001 Mata Nui, which I am definitely a fan of. I did notice some grammar issues that could be worked on, such as confusing verb tenses, but they are rather minor and don't distract from the story too much. You say this takes place in the cannon universe, so I can't help but wonder what happened to the original Mata Nui Toa, but I suppose this will be answered with later chapters? Anyway, it seems that the plot is starting to kick in with the latest chapter, so i'm excited to see where it goes! Keep it up! Quote REVIEW TOPIC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yagami Kumi Posted April 4, 2014 Author Share Posted April 4, 2014 Chapter 7's up. Had a semi hiatus due to exams (crey those evil things) A little shorter than I expected though err my motivation is kind of shot. Hopefully the rest are to come sooner or later. (the former, preferably) Quote Signature Guidelines: Avatar and signature total file size may not exceed 100 KB! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phovos Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 As much as I love the old-school 2001 feeling, and Toa Kotraka seems like an interesting character, I'm really beginning to fret that this feels too much like a rehash rather than its own story. Kotraka's introduction brought us into new terrain, only for Akata's introduction to send us flying back into familiar territory. Quote Click here to read The Bohrok-Kal's Ramblings! Yes, I know there were 7 months between the last two episodes but oh well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yagami Kumi Posted April 19, 2014 Author Share Posted April 19, 2014 Chapter 7 has been re-written in entirety, after hearing some comments. Quote Signature Guidelines: Avatar and signature total file size may not exceed 100 KB! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elmerius Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 Nice! Quote -Elmerius [flash=250,100]http://www.brickshelf.com/gallery/sprxtrerme/BANNERS/thornax.swf Use the RIGHT MOUSE KEY to WHACK! and THE GREEN ARROWS to change what you want to WHACK! I've also got an YouTube channel!(the spinnies are made by Click) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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