The Toa Mata Own A Hotel - Part Deux

[Vamprah the Phantoka]

http://www.bzpower.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=260596That above link goes to the original, in case anyone cares to read it. The Return Zzz... Random Bone Hunter #476: Um, Author? Zzz… Random Bone Hunter #476: Author? Zzz…Random Bone Hunter #476: VAMPRAH THE PHANTOKA!!!!!!!! Zzz…What? Random Bone Hunter #476: Post a new chapter, won’t you? But the forums are do…Wha? The forums are back? WOOHOO!!!! Wait, why are you talking in script? And with that, I kicked Random Bone Hunter #476 out of the comedy forever. Back at the hotel, things were getting a bit boring. Lewa was sitting at the front desk, reading Spider-Man comics; Gali was swimming laps in the pool; the Permanent Guest Stars were playing poker; Kopaka was practicing the guitar (during this time, he had released his first studio album, which had gotten Alternative Matoran Magazine’s “Album of the Seemingly Eternal Forum Hiatus” award); Onua was in the fitness center, punching a random punching bag; Takanuva was replacing burned out light bulbs on the 500^th floor (unfortunately, the light bulb storage room was in the basement); Tahu was outside, amusing himself by burning down the fancy hotel across the street; and Pohatu was snoozing. Hey, guys? Guess what? “There are going to be more visitors here?” Lewa asked. “They’re holding tryouts for the Olympic swimming team?” Gali exclaimed. “My album went double-platinum?” Kopaka shouted. As Onua was about to say something, Pohatu woke up suddenly. “Uh…wha? Can someone tell – Hey! The author is back!” “HALLELUJAH!” everybody shouted as Tahu walked back in. Tahu believed that they were cheering for him, and began dancing stupidly. Everybody ignored him. And with that, the building trembled on its foundations with everybody spontaneously singing Handel’s famous “Hallelujah”, accompanied by a random Matoran playing the piano. Suddenly, a random Forum Assistant appeared out of nowhere. Everybody gasped, and the piano-playing Matoran fell off of his stool. Unfortunately, he was on the roof of the hotel. It was a long way down. “Now what was I going to say?” asked the Forum Assistant, oblivious to the random piano-playing Matoran falling to his certain death. Fortunately, he had a Visorak web acquired over the long stretch of the hotel’s supreme emptiness tied to his foot, so he did not fall too far. Unfortunately, the slingshot effect after the web was fully stretched shot him clear up into outer space. On the ground, some random Vortixx noted this feat and called up the Guinness guys, leading to the Matoran receiving the World Record for “Farthest Distance Traveled into Space via Visorak Web Acting as a Slingshot!” Everybody else on the ground, however, kept reading the credible news papers with ultra-convincing headlines such as “Woman Gives Birth to Martian Baby.” “Oh, right! No religious discussion on BZPower! I don’t care if the forums just came back after being down for eons of our years! You are now suspended, Everybody!” “Why does this always happen to me?” Everybody wondered out loud. The rest of the beings present did not notice, however, for they were too busy celebrating the author’s triumphant return. (Incidentally, Kopaka's album had not gone double platinum. It had gone over nine thousand platinum.) "Really?" griped the Guest Star known as Zeskii. "Over nine thousand? That's what you came up w-OW!" His rant was cut off by the piano from earlier falling through the roof, through the hotel's floors, and onto his foot. Had he said what he was thinking, it would have been a brilliant opportunity to use the censored emoticon, but as emoticons look bad in prose, he dropped his emoticon launcher. "Only a fool would use an emoticon in prose," he said. " " emoticonned A Fool as he knocked over a saltshaker. Furious, he stormed under a ladder and past a group of black cats. After that, he plummeted into an open manhole. Why there was a manhole when only BIONICLE beings were present is a mystery for another day.

[Plague]

A little confusing, and you said the word 'random' too much, but other than that, great!

[Vamprah the Phantoka]

Evil Things Come In Small Packages, Part 1: The Coldest Evil Plan Ever Four Ko-Matoran were walking by the back of the Hotel de Mata. All of the guests were asleep, because it was nighttime. The Toa were amusing themselves by playing the old BIONICLE online games. But back to the Ko-Matoran. The two Matoran marching in front carried between them a small, silver box. The other two walked behind them, keeping an eye out for trouble. There was no trouble...except for the song on one of the two Matoran's metruPod. "Will you turn that down?" the other whispered. "I can't stand Coldplay." Suddenly, his earpiece crackled. "What are you doing?" snarled the Matoran's boss through the earpiece. "Act more like a Ko-Matoran!" "Er, ... ?" ellipsed the very confused Matoran. The boss grunted and cut off the transmission. The four Matoran walked up to the back of the hotel. There was a flight of stairs leading all the way up to the 1000th floor (during the forum hiatus, the Toa had added 995 more stories. Just to be clear). The two Matoran carrying the box began to walk up the flight of stairs. The other two, technical experts who would help to install the box in question, simply broke the glass door and took the elevator. "..." said one of them contemptuously, remembering that he was supposed to act like a Ko-Matoran. "..." his companion responded. "..." "..." "..-" WILL YOU GUYS CUT THAT OUT? Finally, the two Matoran who had made the irrational decision to take the stairs showed up. "Are you out of your minds? Only a fool would take the stairs!" shouted the boss in their ears (through the aforementioned earpieces, of course). Back at the bottom of the building, A Fool had been doing some late night shopping when he heard his name being called. He decided to walk up the stairs to find out what was going on. Meanwhile, the Matoran had a small problem with installing the silver box into the radio tower; namely, that the thing operated on a closed network. However, they finally figured out that Lewa's password was "iheartgali", got into the network, and messed with the settings. Finally, they installed the box. COME DAYBREAK... "hi how r U ?1" Lewa asked the various Toa. "Come again?" Gali asked. Lewa repeated it, slower this time. Kopaka shook his head and opened up his laptop to check his Twitter account. "WHAT?" Kopaka screamed. Their firewall settings had been hacked. Given time, the comedy would deteriorate to noobishness, and then to nothingness. However, some other signal was also present. "What could that be?" "I think that it's the silver box mentioned in the first part of the chapter," Takanuva said. Tahu leapt to his feet, fire sword in hand, set to "cut a silver box off of a radio tower." Tahu had labeled the setting ten years before, just in case he ever needed to cut a silver box off of a radio tower. "No!" he shouted. "It's obviously the fancy hotel across the street doing this to destroy our business! We must go to their building and BURN STUFF!!!!!!!!!111111111!!!!!!!!1111111111" "...And then there were five," Gali whispered ominously. "i liek piez!!!!!!111one!monroeelveenelevan!!!!!!" Kopaka shouted. "This will not end well," Onua said. Next: ...and then there were four!

[Vamprah the Phantoka]

The Coldest Evil Plan Ever, Part 2: Surge"Why do I get the feeling that the author is trying to set up an incredibly lame pun?" asked Takanuva to nobody in particular."He is," the Ga-Matoran called Nobody in Particular said."Wait...a male Ga-Matoran?""Actually, I'm just filling in for this mail-delivery job while Hafu's in the hospital. Said something about 'another Hafu original' while trying to rearrange the mail. He ended up falling into some mirror universe, stealing eight billion dollars worth of tofu to survive (why he would steal tofu of all things is unknown), and being beaten up by a mob of Matoran, Skakdi, Rock 'Em Sock 'Em robots, and various other beings who worked for the tofu company before he fell back into this universe."Suddenly, a Ga-Matoran sprinted in, fell at Takanuva and Nobody in Particular's feet, and said, in a distinctly male voice, "Um...I'm totally a Ga-Matoran...and a girl...and stuff?""A mail Ga-Matoran?" Gali exclaimed. "That absopositively NEVER happens and vmgnhbvccnjkhfdvms.""Oh no," said Onua."Miss me?" asked Mark Surge."Yes?" asked Miss Me, a real Ga-Matoran."I thought the author banned you from the comedy!" shouted Lewa. It is an interesting thing when a raving lunatic has a totally valid point."He banned me from the first one. However, this is, for all intents and purposes, the sequel, and so I am back!!!!!!!""Now what?" asked Pohatu."You pinheads failed to acknowledge my superiority the first time around. Now it's payback time. While the author was MIA, I decided to build an army of Matoran, Skakdi, Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots, and other beings who used to work at a tofu factory in a mirror universe. Now they wait. At the flick of a switch, they will disable the author's computer, and I will rule the comedy! Throw the switch!"The switch in question promptly came flying through the window and hit him in the face. Wondering when the switch had gotten wings or fists, he calmly flicked it."Muahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I WIN!!!"No."Wha-?"Who said I was typing from a computer?"Seize him!" Surge yelled. "For tofu! For Hero Factory! For Thau!"What does he have to do with this?!?!?!?"Easy!" Surge said. "He's the only one who admits that Hero Factory is better than BIONICLE!"Thau appeared. "Yeah, I lied," he said, pulling a box out of his non-existent pocket and pressing a large red button. Surge and his army vanished like smoke. Unfortunately, this caused a power surge, obliterating the hotel's power."Now more people will visit MY hotel, instead of yours!" Thau said."Um, none of us ever has any people at our hotels. We've gotten Matoran, Rahi, etc., but no people.""Whatever. Bottom line: you lose."Pohatu froze. Kopaka laughed. Onua muttered "Pleasedontendonacliffhangerpleasedontendonacl-"Next: What's going on here, anyway?Glad to see you're back, Next.Next: Don't mention it.

[Akuna Toa of Sonics]

Onua got exactly what he didn't want.