All right... yes, I am back again whether you want me back or not. I got kind of tired trying to restore the actual stories back to their former glory, and there's not much of a point in me re-submitting it. Not to mention that wouldn't even work. So , I thought of a solution. A lot of people hate those old stories anyway, and it would take me too long to re-write them anyway, so as of now, I'm going to stop writing all full-fledged installments of the series. Plus, no one liked the Wind Waker of Skyward Sword installments anyway. So here it my solution. I'm just going to sum everything up into one nice package. I'm going to take up the most important parts (as well as some of my favorite parts of the series) and throw them into one story topic. So at least you can't say I never gave you the story. So appropriately, I'm starting off with where it all began. The Dimwit of Time, originally written in 2010, re-written in 2012. Here you are. Enjoy. Or not.
This is but one of the legends the Matoran talk about. Just one. Not two. Not three. Not seventy-eight. Just one…
A long time ago... In a land of darkness, despair, fear of spaghetti, and stupidity, there echoes a legend... A legend held dearly by the inhabitants of the City of Legends that tells of a Toa... A Toa who wished to be a hero and do right to save the world from a dark evil who wished to turn it into a realm of darkness and evil. This is the story of that Toa, and the story of a princess and an evil burn victim.
Bionicle: The Dimwit of Time
Great Deku Tree: I’m dying. Navi, go seek out the loser without a fairy.
Navi: Okay, you great wooden moron.
Lewa: Ah! What are you, some new kind of flying lightbulb?
Navi: No, I’m a fairy. Now come on, we have to save the Great Deku Tree from dying.
Great Deku Tree: You’re too late. The curse was cast upon me by a wicked burn victim in black armor. His name was Antroz.
*Antroz is riding through a burning forest with his horse Nexus.*
Antroz, screaming: I’m on fire!! Why won’t anyone help me?! I’m burning alive here!
Great Deku Tree: Take this gemstone before it’s too late. *dies*
Lewa: Guess we have to go on a trek-quest now.
Navi: I can already tell this is going to be a trip…
Hahli: Lewa, take this ocarina as a memoir of me.
Lewa: Uh… okay, I guess.
Kapora Gaebora: ..And that is why I will never like Taylor Swift. Do you wish to hear this story again?
Navi: Heavens no!!
Kaepora Gaebora: You have said yes. Very well. Now, back to the princess
Navi: Lewa, we have to get out of here while we still can! I don't think he's ever going to stop talking!
Lewa: Got it. Let's sneak-pass from him.
*He took his equipment and silently left the creepy bird to finish his story*
*Meanwhile at the Metru Nui Coliseum…*
*Lewa entered the garden, Navi bouncing about his head. In front of them was a young maiden.*
Navi: Okay, Lewa, that could be the princess up ahead. But let's go talk to her, just in case.
Lewa: Gotcha. She might also be the girl of my dreams…
*Whoever she was, Lewa noticed she was staring through a window at an assembled group of people inside, almost like a curious child. Lewa approached her slowly. The young Toa turned around, startled by Lewa's sudden appearance.*
Nokama: Oh! Who are you? And how did you get past all the guards? Is that a fairy?
Lewa: I'm Lewa, and you have terrible security. You might want to fix-change that in the future. You could fall under attack by say, some insane guy wearing a mask-helmet and his minions.
Navi: Yes, I'm a fairy.
Nokama: Say, are you from the forest area?
Lewa: I am, as a matter of fact.
Nokama: Yeah, I thought you might be the one. Oh, I'm sorry, I haven't properly introduced myself yet! I'm Princess Nokama. See that guy in the window, talking with my father? The one with the evil eyes?
*Lewa was having some trouble because there was the black/red armored guy with red eyes and a guard with mean eyes and big eyebrows, so he wasn't sure which one she was talking about.*
Lewa: I don't know, which one are you talking about?
Nokama: Not the guard, the tall guy with red armor.
*Antroz is walking up to Turaga Dume's chair, and proceeds to kneel before him.*
Nokama: I know he’s evil, so we must collect the three spiritual stones to stop him!
Lewa: Nokama, keep your voice low-quiet.
Nokama: Don’t worry, he can’t hear us.
Antroz: I heard everything!
Nokama: Uh… Go now, Lewa! Lariska will show you the way.
Lariska: Go to either the volcano or the giant puddle.
Lewa: Sounds good to me.
Whenua: Hello there, skinny Toa of Air. How can I help you?
Lewa: We want the sacred stone of fire!
Whenua: If you want the Spiritual stone, fine, you can have it. We don't use it for anything, anyway.
Lewa: Really? Thanks. Let's have it.
Whenua: Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on there. I can't just give you something for nothing.
Lewa: Okay, then what do you want?
Whenua: Okay, well, according to my nerd clipboard, there's only three things around here that have to be done. One thing is to alphabetize my entire DVD library.
*Lewa looks behind him to see a ton of DVDs... and I mean like a who wall's worth of them, too.*
Navi: And the other two?
Whenua: Feed the Lohrak or listen to my hot new DJ music.
Lewa: I'll take the last one.
Whenua: Okay, little one, let's have at it!
Natalie Horler's voice: Hey, Dr. DJ, let the music take me underground.
Whenua: Party, party, party! Party, party, party!
Whenua: Hey, who turned off my tunes?
Lewa: Do you do anything else aside from party?
Lewa: Where’s the Lohrak…?
*Lewa went into the archives where he met the giant mutant Lohrak, roaring angrily at him… or hungrily. Lewa panicked, reached into his pack, and threw a round object into its mouth.*
Navi: Okay, mission accomplished. Now, you fed it the big cherry and not the bomb, right?
*Lewa looked at her with a blank expression. He reached into his pack again and he pulled out the giant cherry.*
Lewa: Does… this answer your question?
Navi: Oh, dear…
*The Lohrak then started yowling in pain, apparently from having its insides being blown up, and then it dropped to the floor, writhing in agony.*
Whenua: So, did you manage to feed my Lohrak okay?
Navi: Um... yeah, of course we did! Right Lewa?
Lewa: Yeah, you bet! You can count on us!
Whenua: Great, then here's your sacred stone... *Whenua then bestows Din's Ruby to Lewa.*
*Two random Toa then pop out from the earth, each on either side of Whenua.*
Whenua: Boys, let’s show our new brother our initiation.
Random Toa 1: Well, boss, it goes something like this...
*The Two Toa slowly approach Lewa with their arms out. Lewa starts to back away slowly, but then he starts running for his life. Yeah, he's going to be messed up forever now, never going to be able to look at a Toa of Earth the same way ever again.*
Lewa: I'm going to be mentally scarred forever!
*Much Much later*
King Krulloc: I NEED FOOD!!!
Lewa: Seems like a reasonable guy.
King Krulloc: Save my daughter! NOW! She has our spiritual stone! To get to Lord Jabu-Jabu is a 2 hour journey, however.
Lewa: But isn't the entrance right behind you?
Krulloc: Yes. *And with that, he beings to slowly move over. And I mean slowly move over.*
Lewa: Can you quick-move a little more?
Krulloc, moving slowly: Be patient.
*2 hours and a boring boss fight later…*
Kiina: I’m Kiina, You’re cute. I’m-a make you my man.
Lewa: Give me the stone, weird-freak.
Kiina: Okay, but by taking this, it’s like you’re proposing to me.
Lewa: Wait, what?!
*Back at the Coliseum…*
*The drawbridge was coming down as Lariska and Nokama sped off into the distance…*
Nokama: Lewa, change of plans, Antroz knew everything!
*She throws the ocarina of time, but it lands into the moat. Lewa turned around, only to meet Antroz and his evil pony.*
Antroz: Here, catch!
*Antroz throws the glow-in-the-dark-baseball he stole at Lewa, knocking him down and then having Nexus gallop away. Lewa takes the time to go get the Ocarina of Time.*
Lewa: All right!
*He promptly tosses the ocarina Hahli gave him and goes to the Temple of Time.*
Lewa: Hey, look, the sword in the stone! I’m gonna be king!
*Lewa takes the sword out from the stone, unleashing a very special effect, but also the essence of an ancient evil…*
Antroz: Oh, look, the Triforce.
Teridax’s voice: Arise, Makuta Antroz.
*Exactly Seven Days later…*
Lewa: Ugh, my head. Where am I?
Lhikan: I am Lhikan the Sage! You were asleep for… exactly SEVEN DAYS! You must go and awaken all the other sages!
Lewa: If I have to.
*Back in the temple….*
Nessk: I am Nessk, lone survivor of the Dark Hunters. Antroz enslaved the kingdom while you slept. You must stop him.
Lewa: How much damage could he do?
*He walks outside and sees the horror.*
Lewa: You maniac! You destroyed it all! Darn you! Darn you all to Karzahni! And how dare you destroy the place where I met the girl of my dreams!
Navi: Lewa, as much as I hate it, we need to go find those sages, wherever they are.
Lewa: Okay… if it’ll make things easier to fight him.
*One boring temple later…*
Hahli: I am the Forest Sage.
Lewa: I had no idea.
*Another temple later…*
Whenua: Hello, brother…
Lewa: Please exit my life and never return.
*1/2 way into the water temple later…*
Sinister voice: Finally, it took you long enough to get here!
*Lewa stopped, startled.*
Lewa: Who said that?
Navi: I heard it, too…
*Neither could see from where the voice was coming from, so Lewa just kept going on.*
Sinister voice: Oh, I know you didn't just ignore me!
*Lewa made it to the gate on the opposite end, but there was nothing there. The door was locked, too.*
Sinister voice: You just ignored me! The second you walk back over to this tree, I'm going to beat you so bad!
Lewa: Okay, I'll bite…
*Lewa decided to bite and he went back to the tree and he got the surprise of his life... who was the owner of the sinister voice?*
Dark Lewa: Well, exc-uuuuuuuuse me, princess!
Lewa: O_O Who are you?
Dark Lewa: Don't be stupid! I'm you!
Lewa: If you are me, then who are you?
Dark Lewa: You're so stupid! I'm you!
Lewa: I'm me.
Dark Lewa: You are you also!
Lewa: Who are you?
Dark Lewa: Argh! You're so stupid!
Lewa: Who are you?
Dark Lewa: I'm you and you are you. I am born from your hatred and I have one purpose in life… to DESTROY YOU!
Lewa: Then you must have a dull-boring existence then.
Dark Lewa: I'm so hungry, I could eat your face! *He takes out his sword and starts attacking Lewa, who counters his every move while trying to get in a few hits of his own.*
Navi: Take him down!
Dark Lewa: When I'm done here, you're next, you little lightning bug! Get over here so I can use you for my lantern!
Navi: Oh, yeah? Lewa, kill this guy and don't hold back!
Lewa: You got it.
*Lewa nodded and he took out the hammer.*
Dark Lewa: Hey, there's no way I'm going to let you cheat out of this one!
*Lewa hit him so hard, he fell over the window... but he was still hanging on by his feet.*
Dark Lewa: Well, exc-uuuuuuuse me, princess!
*Lewa ran over and tried to latch his feet off the window sill.*
Dark Lewa: Hey, I'm ticklish!
Lewa: This guy is so bizarre!
Navi: Hurry, before he gets back up! Hit him again!
*Lewa tries to hit him again, but Dark Lewa manages to get back up again.*
Lewa: You have lost. You are cruel-mean and annoying. You were born out of my hatred.
Dark Lewa: Whoaw!
Lewa: You do not exist.
Dark Lewa: Fool! I am real! *Holds out his sword* Real STEEL!
*Dark Lewa runs at Lewa, full speed and with his sword out. However, with quick reflexes, Lewa uses the hammer to hit Dark Lewa out the window once more, sailing into the waterfall.*
Dark Lewa, shouting: EXCUUUUUUUSE ME, PRINCESS!
Lewa: At least he died as he lived… being a tough guy and saying "Excuse me, princess."
*The room then shifted and the gate opened. And oddly enough, the window Dark Lewa fell out of went away as well.*
Dark Lewa: NOOOOO! I was so close!
Navi: Wait, how is he still alive?!
Dark Lewa: I am?! Where am I now?
Lewa: Does anything stop him?!
Navi: I don't know and I don't care!
Lewa: My guess is he's stuck-trapped in the room somehow… he fell out the window and now the window is gone, thereby trapping him inside of the room for the rest of forever.
Dark Lewa: It sure is BORING around here. This is all your fault!
*One rest of the water temple later…*
Kiina: You ditched me at the altar! But I will always love you
Lewa: You, also exit my life.
*One temple later…*
Lewa, blank: Hey, I was totally not expecting you to be the sage.
Lariska: Your eyes tell me you are worried about Nokama.
Lewa: Actually, I haven't thought about her. Where is she?
Lariska: Despite what happened, I can tell you she is safe.
Lewa: But you're not going to tell me where she is?
*Final Fantasy victory fanfare.*
*Lewa gained 500 exp. points!
obtained the bunny slippers
obtained worthless plot device*
*One convoluted temple later…*
Roodaka: My, oh, my, I didn't think such a skinny guy like you could actually pull this off. If I had seen what kind of a guy you were, perhaps I would have kept my promise... oh well. Here, take the oversized novelty coin and go on your way. Crush that Antroz and give him one for me!
Lewa: Well, looks like now we've got everybody. Now what.?
Lhikan: Lewa, can you hear me?
Lewa: Of course, I'm right in front of you.
Lhikan: The time has arrived for you to face Antroz. First, though, go back to the Temple of Time.
*Back at the temple of time…*
Nessk: Lewa. The time has come for you to learn about the Triforce. You got the Triforce of Courage. Antroz, upon touching the full relic, got the Triforce of Power. As for the Triforce of Wisdom… Ninja strike!
*Nessk reveals the Triforce of Wisdom and in a flash of light, reveals herself to be Nokama.*
Nokama: I am Nokama.
Lewa: It’s you! Hi, Nokama!
Antroz: Ha ha ha! Foolish Nokama, I was waiting for you to reveal yourself! Now you are mine!
Lewa :Bye Nokama! Oh… great, now I have to go save her!
*Lewa goes to Antroz’s castle of doomage, where the sages create a magic bridge.*
*Lewa enters the castle, makes his way to the center tower and begins climbing the stairs.*
Lewa: It can’t be that long, right?
*19 flights of stairs later…*
Lewa, out of breath: So… tired…
Navi: Wait… can’t you fly?
Lewa: … ARGH!!!
*Lewa continues flying all his way to the 64th floor…*
*Meanwhile with Antroz and Nokama, Antroz is tormenting Nokama… with music, as played by him on the organ.*
Antroz, singing to music: You better wake up, wake up, the party's gonna take off, we're living for a Saturday night--
Nokama: Um, can you sing something else?
Antroz: No! You didn't give me a specific song request, so I'm going to sing and play whatever I want!
Nokama: Oh… Lewa, wherever you are, I hope you hurry!
*Lewa breaks down the door, interrupting Antroz's music. The moment the three of them are in the same room, all three Triforce pieces on the backs of their hands start glowing.*
Antroz: The Triforce pieces are resonating. They are about to be one again. I will be able to have what I once briefly had seven days ago. These toys are too much for you, I demand you return them to me at once!
*Antroz fires waves of darkness at Lewa.*
Lewa: Oh, no, I’m gonna die!!
*One epic fight and one tower collapse later…*
Antroz, breathing heavily: I’m dying… *falls over.*
Lewa: We won!
*Antroz then emerges from the rubble.*
*He holds up his hand, the Triforce of Power glowing. Taking from his red armor and dragon-like Kanohi Jutlin, Antroz became more dragon-like in appearance. Standing on two legs and wielding two large swords, Antroz swipes at Lewa, who tries to defend himself with the Master Sword.*
*Lewa takes advantage of Antroz’s confusion and delivers the finishing blow without much effort.*
Lewa: That was easy.
Nokama: now let’s seal him away!
Lewa: Shouldn’t we… slay-finish him?
*Calling upon the powers of the sages, Antroz is imprisoned into a realm that is his worst nightmare…*
Antroz: You... Curse you, Sages... Curse you, LEEEEEEEEWAAAAAAAAAA! Someday when this seal is broken... That is when I will exterminate your decedents...! As long as the Triforce of Power is in my hand... Wait, where am I anyway?
Tuyet: With me, sugar.
Antroz: O_O NOOOOOO!
*With Antroz defeated (for now), everything could now be set right. Nokama and Lewa looked out into the distance at Metru Nui.*
Nokama: Thank you, Lewa. With Antroz defeated, peace will reign in Metru Nui… for now.
Lewa: What are you implying?
Nokama: Well, if you're accusing me of saying that Antroz is going to break out of the Evil Realm and force the goddesses to flood all of our world, that's totally not what I'm saying.
Lewa: Okay, as long as you're not lying to me.
Nokama: Shut up, I'm having a moment here! And I dragged you into it as well… but as a sage, I can return you back to your own time. First, though, you must lay the Master Sword to rest, thereby closing the gate of time.
Lewa: You mean I'll never be able to time travel again?
Lewa: And why can't I stay here?
Nokama: Because you must go back and regain your lost time.
Lewa: It was just a week! You act as though it's been years! What about all we’ve been through? I thought we have something special!
*Nokama moves closer to embrace him. And then she whispers something in his ear.*
Nokama: Oh, Lewa… if only you had someone who loved you…
*Nokama kicks Lewa and snatches the Ocarina of Time.*
Lewa: Why are you in freak mode?
Nokama: Thank you, and good bye.
*Nokama plays her lullaby song on the Ocarina, and Lewa is whisked away from this land of Metru Nui, taken back to a Metru Nui from a week ago where Antroz never got the Triforce and he never conquered anything.*
Lewa: So now what do I do?
Navi: I don't know. But now that you're finished with your journey, I have to leave you now.
Lewa: What? Navi! Not you, too! Why does everything I love-cherish have to leave me?!
*As Lewa tried to stop her, Navi flew away and right through the lone closed window in the Temple of Time. Without really anything left, Lewa wasn't sure what else to do now, especially since Navi was the one who knew what to do in times like this. So what he did instead was get past the Vahki guards as he had done so before and it was there at the Coliseum he met once again with Princess Nokama.*