Elmerius Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Reviews for my multi-part story. Quote -Elmerius [flash=250,100]http://www.brickshelf.com/gallery/sprxtrerme/BANNERS/thornax.swf Use the RIGHT MOUSE KEY to WHACK! and THE GREEN ARROWS to change what you want to WHACK! I've also got an YouTube channel!(the spinnies are made by Click) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pomegranate Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Well! It's going nicely so far, I'm interested to see what happens, but I feel like it's moving a little toooo fast? I don't really know anything about these characters, besides their element, and I don't know the names of the Toa of Water or Earth. I'm also confused on exactly what's happening; when is this story taking place, and why can't the Toa Mata save Le-Koro? Why are the Rahi attacking it, is this before the Toa stopped Makuta from controlling them all? Where was there Energized Protodermis just laying around? I feel like if you slowed down and explained things a little better and established the characters and setting, the readers would be more interested in what was gonna happen and wouldn't feel so lost.Being more descriptive would also slow the story down a bit, because when you tell it really fast with the bare minimum of information, readers can get confused about what's going on as one event after another gets piled on them without giving them some time to process it. Pacing is important, especially with epics I'm eager for the next chapter ^^ Quote . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elmerius Posted April 7, 2014 Author Share Posted April 7, 2014 Okay. I'm going to make the story more detailed and chapters longer. I can tell you that the next chapter is going to be either "Decisions" or "Rescue". And, would you like to choose the names of the two Toas? Quote -Elmerius [flash=250,100]http://www.brickshelf.com/gallery/sprxtrerme/BANNERS/thornax.swf Use the RIGHT MOUSE KEY to WHACK! and THE GREEN ARROWS to change what you want to WHACK! I've also got an YouTube channel!(the spinnies are made by Click) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pomegranate Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Oh no, I'm terrible with names. Can't remember them, definitely can't make them. I named myself after a fruit 1 Quote . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elmerius Posted April 8, 2014 Author Share Posted April 8, 2014 (edited) Oh no, I'm terrible with names. Can't remember them, definitely can't make them. I named myself after a fruit Same here. Only good ones i've ever got in my mind are: Takilo, Skylon , Shin and Boulder. My channel's former name was Toa Skylon (Named after space plane). Skylon was Toa of Water and Air. Definitely going to use that name as name of Toa of Air, that is going to be introduced in next chapter . Edited April 8, 2014 by TakiloNuva360 Quote -Elmerius [flash=250,100]http://www.brickshelf.com/gallery/sprxtrerme/BANNERS/thornax.swf Use the RIGHT MOUSE KEY to WHACK! and THE GREEN ARROWS to change what you want to WHACK! I've also got an YouTube channel!(the spinnies are made by Click) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elmerius Posted April 19, 2014 Author Share Posted April 19, 2014 (edited) Although i changed my name, Takilo's Adventure WILL continue. Edited April 22, 2014 by BloodWarriors Quote -Elmerius [flash=250,100]http://www.brickshelf.com/gallery/sprxtrerme/BANNERS/thornax.swf Use the RIGHT MOUSE KEY to WHACK! and THE GREEN ARROWS to change what you want to WHACK! I've also got an YouTube channel!(the spinnies are made by Click) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elmerius Posted September 14, 2014 Author Share Posted September 14, 2014 Takilo's Adventures cancelled! Moderator, could you delete both Takilo's Adventures topics? Quote -Elmerius [flash=250,100]http://www.brickshelf.com/gallery/sprxtrerme/BANNERS/thornax.swf Use the RIGHT MOUSE KEY to WHACK! and THE GREEN ARROWS to change what you want to WHACK! I've also got an YouTube channel!(the spinnies are made by Click) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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