REVIEW [ The Ocean of the Sky ]

[Arcee]

 

[ READ ]

 

The war is over, if there was a war

I hope you won

A little boy waits with a lever on his own
So I craft a ship to fly my way back home
When the ocean of the sky swallows me whole

                                                     The Used

 

[ CONTENTS ]

VORSPIEL/ REISEN

AKT I/ THE MOUTH OF THE BEAST

/ NIGHTMARES

/ WELTSCHMERZ

Edited January 21, 2015 by Cap'n K

[Ldd2000]

Great story! the booster suit thing sounds kinda like the new mechs in HF

 

are there going to be more chapters, or is that all?

[Arcee]

Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it! :--)

 

The story will (hopefully) update once weekly.

 

I wouldn't say Hero Factory is a direct influence (though I love the new line). It's more based on the Mecha genre (there's some pretty opaque Gundam, Gunbuster, Gurren Lagann, Getter Robo, and Pacific Rim influence), which I'd guess is where inspiration for Hero Factory's recent line is. The Booster Suits are, in my mind's eye, similar to an aquatic Boxor or Exo-Toa.

[They]

Quite an interesting project you've got going here. I look forward to following it.

[Takuta-Nui]

Cap'n K writes, Takuta-Nui reviews!

 

First chapter, first line. Bam. Right into the action. Love it.

 

The line where it mentioned Matoran attaching electrodes to the skin underneath their armour was a really good one. Immediately hinted at something new and already explaining a bit (some kind of augmentation). Then mentioning the Booster suits in passing, adding some new information each time, was a great way to introduce us to the whole idea over the course of the chapter.

 

In these three chapters I see the theme of fleshiness presented as a grotesque thing. The monsters and the mega-monster (which was described terrifyingly well), and then Sephra's dream. There's also the fact that the Booster suits connect to the Matoran's skin, but that may just be coincidental.

 

In chapter three, I appreciated the subtle setup of the urban versus rural. It almost sounds like a class division since Sephra seems to think the Metru is comfortable and far removed from the defensive struggles of the Koro, and still benefits from that struggle. I didn't read much bitterness but more of a sense of that being how it's always been. There's room for evolution in that relationship, though.

 

Same goes for the relationship between Sephra and Kalii They're just getting started, but riding a motorcycle together is a good way to bond.

 

I see that you just posted the new chapter after over a year away from the story. I hope this changes, as I really like the style you're approaching this with. Focusing on both battle and character relationships is a good balance and it can go far. Hope to see the next chapter soon!

Edited January 7, 2015 by Takuta-Nui

[Arcee]

@Takuta

 

Bionicle is active, I'm writing and Takuta is reading...something I honestly never would have guessed would happen again!

 

You caught one of the big subjects the story will deal with right away, one of the organic and the mechanical. In fact the one story that was part of your final This World book (This Universe?) was sort of in mind when crafting this story, the one where the Matoran starts transforming...am I misremembering?

 

Either way it's great to see you back! This story's been in limbo a while because I'm super busy working lately, plus I tried to juggle an Early Sunsets remake which just didn't work. Hope to see you around!

[Takuta-Nui]

It definitely feels like good old times again. I'm flattered that one of my stories was part of your inspiration. I think you're thinking of This World's End, which honestly was a regrettable attempt to end the series when I should have simply left it at Agent Within This World.   Well, that's what fresh starts are for - LEGO and fanfiction writers alike.

 

The Matoran transforming... do you mean the corps that were under Emperor-Commander Rhak? They had blasters affixed on their arms, but I can't remember how my writing presented it. If not that, then not sure what you're referring to.

 

Glad to see another update so soon, too. Chapter 4...

 

 

 

And what was that supposed to mean, Sephra wondered this time, thinking again of the pile of bricks threatened to crumble beneath the Toa's verbal beatdown.

I feel that should be "threatening" due to the tense of the sentence.

 

I wonder if Turaga Ennui will really live up to her name. It seems like a fairly up-front characterization via name trick, but I'm ready to be surprised. Could be the same as the stereotype of the Metru Matoran... not all is always what it seems.

 

Weltschmerz... I'm assuming that the use of this word in-story is a translation quirk and that the Matoran don't actually know German. It's actually effective since you still get to use the language without breaking the fantasy element of the story since it's being used consistently. Should the reader be thinking that Sephra is reading a word that's from a different but familiar language?

 

Mysterious room is mysterious. Can't say much more at this time.