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The Biological Chronicle: 2001

Flash fiction 2001 Bionicle Tahu

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5 replies to this topic

#1 Offline TNTOS

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Posted May 06 2014 - 09:37 AM

Welcome, readers, to the first story in a new series of flash fics called The Biological Chronicle.
 
What is The Biological Chronicle, you ask?
 
As I stated above, The Biological Chronicle is a series of flash fics written by me. Like my earlier Glatorian Chronicles series of short stories/short epics, each story in The Biological Chronicle is a standalone and the stories can be read in any order you please.
 
What connects these story is the basic theme. I gave myself the challenge of writing ten flash fics based on the ten years of Bionicle (one for 2001, another for 2002, yet another for 2003, etc.). The result is a mixture of my interpretation of scenes from canon, scenes from canon that were mentioned but never shown, and a few scenes that were never mentioned nor shown but which I nonetheless believe could have/probably did happen at some point in canon. I tried to stick to canon as closely as possible, however, so don't expect to see any new characters or locations or anything like that that weren't in canon.
 
They are all quite short (the longest is a little over 700 words), but of course that is to be expected from flash fiction. Fair warning: I've had little practice with flash fiction, so if these aren't as good as my usual work, it's because I'm not used to forcing myself to keep the word count under 800 words (although you are of course still free to criticize them however you usually criticize stories).
 
Anyway, enough with the introduction. Let's get onto the actual story:
 

2001


The amnesiac being who could only recall his name—Tahu—snapped the last of his limbs into place. He swung his right arm back and forth, satisfied that it was not in danger of flying off. Though the task had been arduous, he had successfully managed to reattach all of his body parts, which had been scattered on the beach like so many spilled bricks.

Yet he did not feel complete. He felt his face, his forehead and his cheeks, an uncomfortable sensation that made him lower his hands. It took him a moment to realize that his face felt naked, even though the rest of his body was fully armored.

That was when his eyes fell on the mask lying on top of the sand not far away. Something in his body, in his very bones, compelled him to pick it up, which he did.

It was a simple design. Gray as the canister in which he had arrived, it had multiple vents in the side that he supposed were to allow air to pass through. Its gaping mouth hole looked a little silly to Tahu, yet its eye holes gave off an aura of strength he could not deny. Whatever doubts he may have had about the mask vanished as he placed it over his face.

As soon as he did, a wave of strength swept through his body. The wave shocked him—indeed caused him to stagger—but soon his body grew accustomed to it and he began to wonder how he had ever lived without his newly-found strength. He picked up his sword, which was shaped like a flame, and held it up triumphantly in a gesture that he could not remember doing before but which felt as natural as breathing or sleeping.

A burst of flame shot out of the sword, flying high into the air like a water spout. The sight did not disturb or shock him in the slightest, even though up until this point the Toa had not even been aware of his own elemental powers.

He watched the flames burn, channeling their heat through his sword. The sword felt like an extension of his arm now, not a mere weapon or tool with which to channel his fire. The sensation made him feel powerful and strong.

Tahu shut off the flames and looked out at the island whose beach he had washed up on. A charred forest stood not far away, deep and foreboding, like a sentinel guarding a fortress. It was almost a warning, as if the trees themselves were trying to tell him to leave, that he wasn't welcomed here, that he would do better to climb back into his canister and go home (wherever 'home' was).

Tahu smiled. I may not know who I am or where I came from, but I do know one thing: I am no coward.

With the image of the fire bursting from his sword still burned in his mind's eye, Tahu walked toward the charred forest without any fear in his step.
 
-
 
Comments, criticism, questions, etc. are all welcome :) .

-TNTOS-

Edited by TNTOS, Jul 08 2014 - 07:48 AM.

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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore Roosevelt

A Writerly Blog
The Tasty Library of Sugary Goodness
(My Little BIONICLE: Friendship is Explosive Completed 01/05/14)
{The Shika Trilogy Omnibus Completed 03/31/14) (Review Topic)
(In the End Completed 09/01/14) (Review Topic)
The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010)


#2 Offline Tahu: Spirit of the Mist

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Posted May 15 2014 - 12:34 PM

Would you allow me to make one grammatical suggestion, perhaps? You say, "The wave shocked him, indeed caused him to stagger". For grammatical prettiness, could you perhaps say, "The wave shocked him—indeed, it caused him to stagger—"?

 

Otherwise, kudos. I like it.

 

Also, my apologies if this was the wrong place to post this. If there's another page, please link me to it. :)


Edited by Tahu: Spirit of the Mist, May 15 2014 - 12:35 PM.

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To control the fears in others, you must first master your own.


#3 Offline TNTOS

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Posted May 15 2014 - 04:18 PM

Would you allow me to make one grammatical suggestion, perhaps? You say, "The wave shocked him, indeed caused him to stagger". For grammatical prettiness, could you perhaps say, "The wave shocked him—indeed, it caused him to stagger—"?
 
Otherwise, kudos. I like it.
 
Also, my apologies if this was the wrong place to post this. If there's another page, please link me to it. :)


Hey, Tahu. Glad to see you again :) . How've you been?

Regarding your suggestion, that makes a lot of sense. I'll edit it in.

Also, this is indeed the right place to post this. Not sure why it wouldn't be, to be honest, seeing as short stories don't have review topics or anything.

 

Thanks for the comment.

-TNTOS-


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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore Roosevelt

A Writerly Blog
The Tasty Library of Sugary Goodness
(My Little BIONICLE: Friendship is Explosive Completed 01/05/14)
{The Shika Trilogy Omnibus Completed 03/31/14) (Review Topic)
(In the End Completed 09/01/14) (Review Topic)
The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010)


#4 Offline Tahu: Spirit of the Mist

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Posted May 15 2014 - 05:07 PM

 

Would you allow me to make one grammatical suggestion, perhaps? You say, "The wave shocked him, indeed caused him to stagger". For grammatical prettiness, could you perhaps say, "The wave shocked him—indeed, it caused him to stagger—"?
 
Otherwise, kudos. I like it.
 
Also, my apologies if this was the wrong place to post this. If there's another page, please link me to it. :)


Hey, Tahu. Glad to see you again :) . How've you been?

Regarding your suggestion, that makes a lot of sense. I'll edit it in.

Also, this is indeed the right place to post this. Not sure why it wouldn't be, to be honest, seeing as short stories don't have review topics or anything.

 

Thanks for the comment.

-TNTOS-

 

 

Yes, well, it's been so long since I've posted here that I have forgotten the protocol. ;) 


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To control the fears in others, you must first master your own.


#5 Offline Toa Varova

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Posted May 15 2014 - 05:11 PM

This is a beautiful piece of writing. I loved how it explained everything in detail and painted a real picture of the scene. It was great to know just how Tahu felt. You did a great job on this. Keep it up!


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Click here to go to Snax!

 

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#6 Offline TNTOS

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Posted May 16 2014 - 08:38 AM

This is a beautiful piece of writing. I loved how it explained everything in detail and painted a real picture of the scene. It was great to know just how Tahu felt. You did a great job on this. Keep it up!


Thanks :) .

-TNTOS-

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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore Roosevelt

A Writerly Blog
The Tasty Library of Sugary Goodness
(My Little BIONICLE: Friendship is Explosive Completed 01/05/14)
{The Shika Trilogy Omnibus Completed 03/31/14) (Review Topic)
(In the End Completed 09/01/14) (Review Topic)
The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010)





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