Hello, everyone, Lewa0111 here! As several of you probably know, I recently held a vote in my blog for which of my prose comedies I would repost and update first, and the winner was this comedy, The BZ-Nui Hack Wars. As a result, I will be reposting old chapters once a day until I catch up to where I was originally, at which time I will try to write new chapters twice a week, most likely Wednesdays and Saturdays.
For those of you who never read the original topic, this comedy is based on the true events surrounding the MiB hackings of BZPower's forums in the spring of 2009, during which I myself was hacked and temporarily banned. Several actual BZPower members who were a part of the original movement to get me unbanned (and several who weren't) applied to be in the original topic, and since the story wouldn't make sense without them, they will still appear. If you want to appear in the comedy, just let me know! My real-life college friend, who is known as Gabriella0111: Toa of Music here on BZP, also co-authored a few of the chapters (and was involved in the original events), so if I'm ever too busy to update sometime down the line, I might ask her to post the next chapter instead. And now, presenting...
THE BZ-NUI HACK WARS
A BIONICLE comedy by Me!
Chapter 1: Lewa0111
Tava: Hey, cool! That's a lot of '1's in that title! By the way, did you know that '1' is the second number in Pi? Pi goes like this: 3.14159265358979323--
Random Guys From Monty Python: SHUT THE KARZAHNI UP!!
Tava: Fine... *leaves*
Author Me: Well, that was weird...this is supposed to be a prose comedy anyway! Oh well, on with the show!
Deep within the tangled labyrinth of a planet that is the Internet, known as Cyber Magna, lies a secluded and largely-forgotten island called BZ-Nui. Its population of OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND! members, led by the almighty Staff, work hard to keep the island free of the constant plagues, spam, and all-around bad things that were constantly around the rest of Cyber Magna. Despite this, the occasional attack still occurred, such as the time the infamous Spam Trio, made up of conner, king at the sok factoree, and leeningtower of pizza, broke through BZ-Nui's gated walls and sprayed graffiti about things like 'do we rly hav 2 follow the ruls', 'brakelatabasaasta feed me ', and 'my foot on a toenail' all around the island. They were eventually captured, although the graffiti was left there, mainly because of how hilarious it all was. Or the time when a crazy Maori warrior went on a killing spree and destroyed several members before being banished forever. But all of these times, life went on...yet that was about to change...
"Ouch! Darn Board Message..." groaned Lewa0111, massaging his hand where the large, metal Board Message had slammed shut on it, crushing the notebook in which he had been writing out the latest chapter of Ask Matau!. "Not again. Why do these things always show up whenever I'm about to post a comedy chapter?"
Behind him, Toa Gabriella: Toa of Music laughed. "Make sure it wasn't the Rahkshi of Coincidence Control again...otherwise, I'd say it's just bad luck. I guess we'll both have to take a walk until this thing lifts."
"Yeah, probably. I was planning on going over to Bioniclestory.com for a while--I heard there's a new story cereal up!"
"Don't you mean 'serial?'" asked Lewa0111.
"No, I mean 'cereal.' Haven't you heard of the new "Reign of Shad-O's?" Packed with 9999999999% of all nonessential vitamins and minerals! Perfect for evil universe masterminds!"
"Uhh...I think I'll just say to that one," said Lewa0111. "Anyway, I'm not feeling too hungry right now. I'll probably be heading back to the Home Page to take a break for a while. Maybe tomorrow I'll try updating some comedies again, ok?"
Gabriella shrugged. "Sure, I guess. I'll see you tomorrow then! Maybe sooner if I can manage it!"
" " waved Lewa0111, leaving the blocked Comedies Forum and exiting through the main gates of the BZ-Nui forums, entering the Home Page.
He noticed a large store currently selling the latest BIONICLE foam weapons, next to a newsstand with a headline proclaiming the release of said foam weapons. "Redundancy is redundant," said a random Matoran walking by. Lewa0111 nodded and sat down, opening his Word Processor and trying his hardest to recall as much of the chapter he had lost due to the Board Message. Just another typical day in BZ-Nui...
* * *
High above the steel walls of BZ-Nui, sitting inside a hot air balloon, two shadowy figures watched. No, they were not Jessie and James from Team Rocket, and if you thought they were, then I have a message for you: WRONG STORY! Anyway, they were just two generically shadowy and mysterious figures whose identity is not to be revealed at this time (although they are not Bob the Pirate and Joe the Coffee Rahkshi either).
"There it is. Do you think we can get inside?" asked the first generically nameless shadowy mysterious figure.
"We have to. There is no other alternative," said the second.
"Wait, isn't 'other' already implied in the word 'alternative?' So basically you're saying 'other other option,' which makes no sense at all."
"It makes perfectly sensical sense."
"Redundancy is redundant!" said the same random Matoran who had passed Lewa0111 in the Home Page, flying by on a jetpack for no apparent reason.
" " emoticonned the two mysteriously nameless generic shadowy unidentified figures as the random Matoran flew away.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next: "The Most Evilestly Evil Plan of Evilness!"
Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Jul 03 2014 - 06:08 AM.