Okay, I'm back. FINALLY. Since it seems every time I declare that I'm going to finally stick to a schedule and post more frequently, I get delayed even MORE, I'm not going to say it this time. But sorry for the delay once again. I'm going to post a more detalied explanation/apology for my absence in my blog as well. Though I will say, it will probably be much longer before Gabriella returns, so I'll be taking this comedy solo for the time being. She's going through some rough times right now.
@Sonis: Thanks! It's nice to have a new face around the topic.
@Festus: Well, there aren't TOO many chapters left that Gabriella and I originally had planned. However, there just might be a sequel...
@Alaki: Good to see you again, welcome back! (Is it really "again" if the last time you were here it was in the old topic? Hmm...)
The BZ-Nui Hack Wars
A BIONICLE comedy by Me!
Chapter 14: Hacking Plan R
Two Random Henchmen walked nervously down the corridors of the FiB Forum Tower, on the highest level of the tower. They had been summoned to the chamber of The Bawsz himself, following their collective failure to stop the invaders from freeing their prisoners. They were understandably nervous, as in every story ever, the bad guy always punished this type of failure by killing his own men. As they drew closer to the entrance to The Bawsz's profile, they started walking slower and slower. Eventually, they were walking so slow that they were actually walking backwards, despite the fact that this made absolutely no sense. "Um..." said Random Henchman #52, "why don't you open the door?"
"No way, how about you do it?" offered his companion, Random Henchman #26.
"What? No, no, why me!? You should totally do it! Besides, I'm busy."
"Busy with what?"
"Oh, you know...stuff. Like, umm, ironing...my...dentures?"
Turaga Vakama randomly appeared. "Hey, I have that excuse copyrighted, you young whippersnapper!" he protested, smacking both Random Henchmen upside the head with his firestaff. Then, Keetongu appeared, shouting that he had copyrights copyrighted, and chased the Turaga out of the comedy.
With a , both Random Henchmen stared after the two randomly appearing characters. "That was weird," muttered Random Henchman #26.
Then, the entrance to The Bawsz's profile suddenly slid open, causing the two Random Henchmen to jump in shock. "Enter," growled The Bawsz in his best impression of a stereotypical evil overlord voice. Not seeing any other options, they entered.
"You two have greatly disappointed me. Well, actually, it wasn't just you two," The Bawsz stated. "But since you are the only ones unharmed by the recent battle, you get to suffer the blame for it." His hand moved ominously toward a nearby sinister-looking lever.
"NO! Don't kill me, please, I'll do anything, I'll even use this emoticon ==> just don't kill me no no no no no! " shouted one of the Random Henchmen noobishly.
“What he said, except with better emoticon usage,” said his companion.
The Bawsz shrugged. “Don’t worry, I won’t kill you,” he said. Then he pulled the lever, and a trapdoor opened up beneath the two Random Henchmen, plunging them into a pit that was completely devoid of anything except for a set of massive speakers, which were blasting the worst music in the entire world at a very high volume into the Random Henchmen’s ears. “See? You’re still alive…” Then the trapdoor slid shut, drowning out the cacophony of the Henchmen screaming and the worst music in the entire world playing.
The profile entrance slid open again, and a Barely At All Mysterious Cloaked Guy entered. This was, incidentally, the same one who had been interrogated by Mesonak and Gabriella earlier, so he wasn’t all that mysterious any more. “You summoned me?” he asked.
“Yes. Barely At All Mysterious Cloaked Guy, despite your repeated failures, I am not going to drop you into the Pit of Eternal Awful Music. Mainly because you are the only other bad guy besides me who gets to appear more than once throughout this comedy.”
“ ” emoticonned the BAAMCG.
“Never mind. Anyway, I am going to need your help on the next part of my evil plans. It is time for us to implement...Hacking Plan R.”
“Hacking Plan R? Why not just call it “A?”"
“Because we already tried Hacking Plans A through Q, and none of them worked.”
“Oh. In that case, let’s hope we succeed before you run out of letters. What are we doing with this plan?”
The Bawsz made an evil sigh and leaned back in his evil chair…ok, enough, we already did that joke. “These so-called ‘Randomness Warriors’ are proving to be more trouble than we had anticipated. They just might succeed in reinstating that banned comedy author after all.”
“Why does that matter? What’s so important about that one author?”
“He has respect. Admiration. Non-proto-reductionishness. How dare his multi-chaptered, lengthy comedies succeed where ‘My Big Fat Greeck Epic’ failed!? That work was a masterpiece of literature! And all successful authors on BZPower shall be punished for their bias against me. ALL of them!”
“Yes, Bawsz, of course…So, what exactly does Plan R entail?”
“Plan R. Yes. I will explain the details to you in due time, but for now, know this: through this plan, I shall shatter the Randomness Warriors once and for all. I will turn them all against each other until no allies of Lewa0111 remain unbanned. MUAHAHAHAHA!” he added, with an .
“ ” agreed the BAAMCG.
* * *
Neelh, Vakama Montana, and the others had, at long last, finished posting their message of help for Lewa0111 to every social networking site they could find. With their mission completed, they had returned to BZ-Nui and the Comedies forum, getting back to their usual routines as they waited for the other two groups of Randomness Warriors to return. Valkor, having nothing in particular to do, headed back to the Randomness Warriors’ makeshift headquarters, glancing periodically at his nonexistent watch. “It shouldn’t take this long to talk to Gold 14,” he muttered to nobody in particular, wondering about the long absence of Gabriella’s group.
“Who’s talking to Gold 14?” asked a random member named Nobody In Particular.
“ ” Valkor emoticonned, and Nobody in Particular ran off.
“That was weird,” commented Neelh. “And by weird, I mean completely normal for Comedies, but still.”
“Guys, be quiet,” Vakama Montana ordered, as he held up a hand and glanced toward the entrance to the headquarters topic. “Somebody’s coming.”
They all peered through the hyperlink at the approaching figures, tensed for combat in case it turned out to be a group of Ferrets in Beige. Luckily, though, it wasn’t. “Gabriella? Takuma?” asked Vakama Montana. “You’re back! How did it go?”
“Well, let’s just say it could have gone a lot better,” muttered Mesonak. “Strangely, all the moderators decided to do in response to this is start banning more members, which really won’t help anything.”
“So we’re on our own again?” Neelh put in.
“Don’t worry, guys,” said Takuma reassuringly. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I’ve come up with a way we can fix this problem ourselves, as the Randomness Warriors. It seems like our third group has made contact with Lewa0111, which will make this all a lot easier.”
“ ” said Jovan2. “How do you know that?”
With a , Takuma pulled a communicator out of his nonexistent pocket. “With this conveniently appeared communicator, of course! I’ve been keeping in touch with -Blackout- this whole time.”
“Oh for the love of plotholes,” groaned Vakama Montana. “So what’s your plan?”
“Don’t worry, Vakama Montana, I already told Mesonak and Gabriella about it and they approved it, seeing as they’re our leaders. As for the plan itself—”
“V.M. Torious,” corrected Vakama Montana.
“I changed my name,” explained Vakam—I mean, V.M. Torious. “It’s V.M. Torious now.”
“You can do that?”
V.M. Torious shrugged. “Of course. It’s been 90 days since my last name-change, after all.”
“Cool! I think I’ll change my name to “Mesonokonokoweifoaiusefrihjgiuhasihdfijalsjdfoiajouwehfrnak the Seventeenth!”
“ ” said Gabriella.
“Fine...you never let me have any fun…”
Takuma cleared his throat. “Well, if we’re done discussing name-changes, can we get back to the point here? Anyway, my plan. Now that we have contact with Lewa0111, we can absolutely prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is innocent, especially when combined with his past record here on BZP. I say we use that and spread information around BZ-Nui, recruiting members to sign a petition that will eventually bring enough force to unseal the gateway for Lewa0111, letting him back in. Once he’s back inside BZ-Nui, he will then be able to confront Gold 14 himself and request an un-banning.”
“I already kinda did that,” Neelh pointed out. “Well, at least the spreading recruitment information part.”
“Great! Then we’re already on the right track!”
“But why would it make any difference if it’s us or Lewa0111 himself who requests the un-banning?” inquired Valkor. “Won’t Gold 14 just brush him off the same way he did to you?”
Gabriella then stood up to talk, despite the fact that she wasn’t sitting in the first place. “Actually, there’s a really weird rule in the BZ-Nui Code that states that the only way moderators are required to consider an un-banning is if the banned member himself contacts them directly. Never mind the fact that normally a banned member can’t get into BZ-Nui to contact them, but that’s just what the rules say. See, it’s right here,” she added with a , as she produced a copy of the BZ-Nui Code and handed it to them. Sure enough, the rule in question was right there on the page.
“You know, at this point, I’m not even surprised anymore. Let’s just go ahead with your plan,” Vakama Montana said. Then he glanced up at the author. “I THOUGHT WE DISCUSSED THIS, MY NAME IS V.M. TORIOUS!”
Well, sorry, just calm down! Look, you just changed your name in-story a few paragraphs ago, how was I supposed to remember—
“Just remember, that’s what! You can’t go around forgetting guest stars’ names, you know…”
It just takes some getting used to, that’s all! I’ll try not to forget any more, how’s that?
“Okay, fair enough. Hey, wait a second, is that Lewa0111 writing this comedy? Sure looks an awful lot like him…” said V.M. Torious.
Actually, I’m Lewa0111 Nuva. Lewa0111’s future form, as it were. In the future, after this whole banning fiasco was resolved, I decided to write a comedy based on what was happening. So I’m the Author Lewa0111, and the guy you’re trying to un-ban is Past Lewa0111. Does that make sense?
“ ” was V.M. Torious’s only reply.
“Is it just me, or is reality beginning to collapse? I suggest we stay as far away from talking with the author as possible,” Gabriella observed. “Now, Takuma, let’s put our plan into motion!”
Next: The RW are shattered, and the final conflict dawns!
Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Sep 20 2014 - 11:25 PM.