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The Biological Chronicle: 2005

2005 Norik Visorak Vohtarak Flash fiction

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#1 Offline TNTOS

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Posted Jun 03 2014 - 09:15 AM

Welcome to the fifth installment of my new series of Bionicle flash fics, The Biological Chronicle. If you want to read the other stories in this series, you can find links to them in my signature at the end of this post.

If you don't know what it is, allow me to quote from the first fic's introduction:
 

The Biological Chronicle is a series of flash fics written by me. Like my earlier Glatorian Chronicles series of short stories/short epics, each story in The Biological Chronicle is a standalone and can be read in any order you please.

What connects these story is the basic theme. I gave myself the challenge of writing ten flash fics based on the ten years of Bionicle (one for 2001, another for 2002, yet another for 2003, etc.). The result is a mixture of my interpretation of scenes from canon, scenes from canon that were mentioned but never shown, and a few scenes that were never mentioned nor shown but which I nonetheless believe could have/probably did happen at some point in canon. I tried to stick to canon as closely as possible, however, so don't expect to see any new characters or locations or anything like that that weren't in canon.

They are all quite short (the longest is a little over 700 words), but of course that is to be expected from flash fiction. Fair warning: I've had little practice with flash fiction, so if these aren't as good as my usual work, it's because I'm not used to forcing myself to keep the word count under 800 words (although you are of course still free to criticize them however you usually criticize stories).


With that out of the way, enjoy:
 

2005


On the day the Visorak hordes descended upon the city of Metru Nui, Rahaga Norik found himself alone and surrounded on all sides by the stealers of life.

This was not entirely an accident on his part. He and the other Rahaga had emerged from the Archives a few days ago, shortly after the Toa Metru left the City of Legends. They had been debating whether to stay on the uninhabited island themselves in search of the legendary Keetongu or to leave and search elsewhere for a way to combat the Visorak when their decision was made for them by a group of Vohtarak that ambushed them suddenly.

To save his fellow Rahaga, Norik managed to lure the Vohtarak away deeper into the Archives. Norik intended on circling back to rejoin the others later, but unfortunately he lured the Vohtarak into a dead end. This had been an accident on his part. He could just imagine what Iruini might say about this particular mistake of his, if he lived long enough to see Iruini again.

The Vohtarak were snapping their jaws, spitting and growling at him. So far, they had not tried to shoot their Rhotuka spinners at him, but it wouldn't be long, he knew, before they figured out that he was not a dumb Rahi like their usual prey. Until they did, that gave Norik a few minutes at most to figure out his plan of action against them.

The nearest Vohtarak snapped at him, forcing Norik to step back. He swiped at it with his staff, but all he managed to do was make the Vohtarak fire a Rhotuka, which he managed to dodge. The other Vohtarak were now charging their spinners, so Norik knew that he didn't have any other choice but to act.

He fired his own Rhotuka at the nearest Vohtarak, the one that had tried to hit him with its spinner.

A direct hit. The Vohtarak was instantly snared in an energy net, causing its brothers to shift their attention to their captured ally. They even stopped charging their spinners, giving Norik an opportunity he could not ignore.

Taking advantage of their distraction, Norik flew over them, using his Rhotuka spinner to do so, and landed on the ground behind them. While the Visorak struggled to free their brother, Norik ran for it. While he was no coward, he knew there was no way he could defeat six Vohtarak on his own. He needed to find the others.

Because if the Visorak were here, the time to find Keetongu was now.

-

Comments, criticisms, questions, etc. are all welcome :) .

-TNTOS-

Edited by TNTOS, Jul 08 2014 - 07:54 AM.

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"If people only knew how hard I work to gain my mastery it wouldn't seem so wonderful at all." -Michelangelo

A Writerly Blog
The Tasty Library of Sugary Goodness
(My Little BIONICLE: Friendship is Explosive Completed 01/05/14)
{The Shika Trilogy Omnibus Completed 03/31/14) (Review Topic)
(In the End Completed 09/01/14) (Review Topic)
The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010)


#2 Offline Tahu: Spirit of the Mist

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Posted Jun 07 2014 - 08:32 AM

Very nice...If I may, a few grammatical suggestions. You wrote, "He could just imagine what Iruini might say about this particular mistake of his, if he lived long life to see Iruini again." I believe you meant, "...if he lived long enough." ;) 

 

And then over here, "...but all he managed to do was make the Vohtarak fire a Rhotuka at him." Maybe you should take out the "at him"? I say this only because you already wrote "at him" in the previous sentence, and it appears—IMHO at least—slightly redundant; plus, the meaning of the second sentence should be clear without it anyways. :)


Edited by Tahu: Spirit of the Mist, Jun 07 2014 - 08:32 AM.

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#3 Offline Iron_Man5

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Posted Jun 07 2014 - 10:14 AM

Great job so far. :D I can't wait for 2006, that was my favorite year of them all. :) 


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#4 Offline TNTOS

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Posted Jun 07 2014 - 08:01 PM

Very nice...If I may, a few grammatical suggestions. You wrote, "He could just imagine what Iruini might say about this particular mistake of his, if he lived long life to see Iruini again." I believe you meant, "...if he lived long enough." ;) 
 
And then over here, "...but all he managed to do was make the Vohtarak fire a Rhotuka at him." Maybe you should take out the "at him"? I say this only because you already wrote "at him" in the previous sentence, and it appears—IMHO at least—slightly redundant; plus, the meaning of the second sentence should be clear without it anyways. :)


Noted and noted.
 

Great job so far. :D I can't wait for 2006, that was my favorite year of them all. :)


Thanks. 2006 is my favorite year, too.

-TNTOS-


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"If people only knew how hard I work to gain my mastery it wouldn't seem so wonderful at all." -Michelangelo

A Writerly Blog
The Tasty Library of Sugary Goodness
(My Little BIONICLE: Friendship is Explosive Completed 01/05/14)
{The Shika Trilogy Omnibus Completed 03/31/14) (Review Topic)
(In the End Completed 09/01/14) (Review Topic)
The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010)





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