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The Visorak and the Matoran: A Tale of Obsessions

Tava Roporak cheese pie Lewa0111

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#1 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

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Posted Jun 25 2014 - 06:49 AM

Hello everyone, I'm back! To celebrate my return to the forums (and because I'm still not quite ready to try rewriting old stuff...I'll get there eventually), I've decided to write a little one-shot short story. It's completely non-canon to the rest of the Lewa0111iverse and is just an idea I had kicking around in my head. Enjoy!


The Visorak and the Matoran: A Tale of Obsessions

A BIONICLE comedy by Me!


The Visorak hordes had long left Metru Nui. The Toa Metru were still Toa, somehow, though Metru Nui had been repopulated and rebuilt, and was now a thriving city. No one bothered to question this, since any efforts to reconcile things with what was supposedly the "official" storyline generally resulted in even the most learned Ko-Matoran to melt their brains. It just was. Deal with it. However, despite the absence of the hordes, six Visorak remained on the island, as any viewer of the popular television show "Ask Matau!" knew full well. One of each main breed, kept as pets and sort-of-roommates by Toa Matau, for whatever reason. They were usually very well-behaved, with the exception of one particular Visorak...


"Oh no. Not again!" groaned Random Matoran #35, as an ominous rumble sounded from the buildings behind them. He and his companions Aaa, Shuu, and Marka turned to see a tidal wave made entirely of liquid cheese come surging down the street directly toward them, with a brown Visorak shouting his delight from atop the wave. "Run!"


"Twelfth time this week!" observed another Matoran nearby. "Will he ever stop!?!?!?!?!?"


Pohatu Nuva sprinted out of a nearby hotel for no apparent reason. "By the way, I love exclamation points and question marks--"


"DON'T USE THAT JOKE!!" shouted all of the Matoran, as well as Roporak from atop the cheese wave. With a :(, Pohatu ran back inside. The Matoran decided to follow him, not having any better ideas, and barely managed to slam the door shut just in time as the cheese roared past.


Random Matoran #35 stopped to catch his breath, then quickly shoved his breath back into his lungs where it belonged. "Hi!" shouted a Matoran with light brown armor, resembling a Po-Matoran for all intents and purposes. "Do you have any pies? I'm fresh out. Also, why did it get so yellow outside?"


"Out of pies again? We just gave you 9,321 pies from the kitchens!" shouted Gali, annoyed.


"I know! But I ate them all! So do you have any more?"


"Umm..." ummed Random Matoran #35. "No, I don't have any pies. And Roporak is covering the city with cheese again."


"That's too bad. Wonder if there are any pies outside?"


"NO, DON'T--" shouted everyone in the hotel lobby, but the Matoran opened the door anyway.


Surprisingly, nothing happened. "Huh. Wonder where all the cheese went?" asked Random Matoran #35.


* * *


On the street outside, Roporak had just finished eating every last bit of cheese from the tidal wave and was currently searching for more. " :D " he emoticonned. "I love cheese!!"


The brown Visorak was so engrossed in his search for more of his favorite food that he wasn't watching where he was going, and abruptly ran pincer-first into the knees of the pie-obsessed Matoran from earlier. Said pie-obsessed Matoran was so engrossed in his search for more of his favorite food that he wasn't watching where he was going, and abruptly ran knee-first into the pincers of the brown Visorak. "Hey! You're not a pie!" the Matoran exclaimed. "You hit my knees with your pincers!"


"You hit my pincers with your knees!" retorted Roporak. "Now get out of the way, I'm busy."


"Busy with what?"


"Looking for the greatest food ever, CHEESE, of course! Now move!"


"You move. I'm not moving from this spot until I get some more pie. And pie is better than cheese!"


"No, you move! I won't budge unless I find cheese, and you're in my way!"


"You move!"


"You move!!"


"YOU move!!"


"YOU move!!"


The Matoran looked puzzled. "Why did you cross out "you?"


"Because that was the only font feature left, duh. Now I won the font feature battle, so you have to move."


"YOU  move!!"


The Visorak gasped. "The power of SuperScript! Looks like we are evenly matched...but whoever you are, you'd better move, because I won't budge an inch. My cheese-hunting skills work flawlessly. All I do is go in a straight line until I hit the coast, then turn and go in a straight line slightly to the side. Eventually I'll find every piece of cheese on the island!"


"Hey, you copyright stealer! I have the exact same technique for finding pies! I call it 'Tava's Super Secret Pi-Matoran Technique For Awesome Pie Hunting!' TSSPMTFAPH for short."


As was typical whenever copyrights were mentioned, Keetongu wandered onto the scene. "Hey, I have copyrights copyrighted!" shouted the large yellow Rahi. "DIE!" But he paused in mid-strike when he realized that neither Tava nor Roporak had even noticed him, nor paid him the slightest bit of attention. " :superfunny: " he emoticonned, leaving to tell his fellow Keetongi about this utterly ridiculous display of stubbornness.


Meanwhile, the argument between the two had escalated to the point of stupidity. It now consisted of nothing but "Cheese!" "No, pie!" "No, cheese!" over and over and over again. Matoran, Turaga, and Toa in the nearby buildings had all begun to evacuate to get away from the constant shouting. After several days of this, Turaga Dume finally got the bright idea to hire Krakua to show up and create a sound-proof region around the two stubborn beings, allowing the citizens to move back into the area, to everyone's great relief.


* * *


Much had happened over the next few centuries. Metru Nui had been attacked, recaptured, liberated, attacked, momentarily swallowed up by a black hole, conquered, re-liberated, suffered a rather inconvenient gravity inversion, overthrown, re-re-liberated, underthrown, and finally re-re-re-liberated. Wars had raged across the island, destroying buildings, and new ones had been built in their place during peacetime. Metru Nui was now more glorious than ever, and rose several stories above its original surface. In spite of all this, however, one thing remained constant.


That stubborn brown Visorak and equally stubborn Pi-Matoran were still there, on the original ground level of the city, still arguing and still refusing to budge an inch.


Ga-Matoran teachers led their class to the area, as a lesson against excessive stubbornness (and to get a few laughs out of their students, of course). A large building had been built over the two, with soundproofed walls to save the ears of those living nearby. The place was now known as the "Cheese and Pie Stubbornness Memorial" and was a popular tourist destination. To all appearances, neither Roporak nor Tava had at all noticed any of this transpiring around them, or if they did, they were too stubborn to budge until one or the other obtained more of his respective favorite food. Several times, groups such as the Dark Hunters or the Brotherhood attempted to attack and capture the two of them, that they might find a way to weaponize this stubbornness, but no matter how strong, no being was physically able to move either one. Probably due to the seemingly infinite amounts of food stored up in each one's body, since BIONICLE characters do not use the bathroom, after all.


And so things were, and probably would have gone on being, for all eternity. Until one day, when a Matoran chef emerged from his bakery several stories above the Stubbornness Memorial with a brand-new dessert....


"Behold!" a chef exclaimed to a crowd of assembled Matoran, Turaga, and Toa, who had all followed the scent of his creation. "I have invented something incredibly delicious...I call it Cheese Pie! Now, who wants a slice?"


The entire crowd began shoving and jostling each other, all desperate to be the first to taste the wonder that was Cheese Pie. Sadly, in the commotion, the pie was accidentally smacked out of the chef's hand a bit too forcefully (some say Onua's mask power was to blame). The pie sailed over the edge and fell several stories down, until it was lost to darkness. " :crying: " the crowd emoticonned in unison, heading home.


"Might as well make another one, that one is lost anyway. What's the worst that could happen, after all?" asked the chef as he returned to his bakery.


As everyone knows, you should never, EVER ask "What's the worst that could happen?"




Random Matoran #35 was walking down the street, enjoying his life. It had been centuries since the last random food typhoon, after all, and he felt great. When a familiar rumble began to sound from below his feet, he didn't want to believe it. It couldn't be. It was impossible. And yet there it was--"RUN!" he shouted, as a massive tornado made of cheese pie erupted out of the ground, with a Pi-Matoran and a brown Visorak riding atop the twister in triumph.








Moral of the story: Whether in writing comedies or in life, random food obsessions can get...rather out of hand. Always obsess responsibly.


~Lewa# Studios


:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva :mirunu:

Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Jun 25 2014 - 06:49 AM.

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#2 Offline 25K When?

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Posted Jun 26 2014 - 09:03 AM

Ah, the food-based ideological conflicts and use of emoticons. It's like a classic comedy back from the depths of the past. Definitely enjoyed this, dare I say it, cheesy story.
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#3 Offline Rahkshi Guurahk

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Posted Jul 05 2014 - 02:15 AM

Very cheesily funny. =P

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#4 Offline Phovos

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Posted Jul 05 2014 - 06:19 AM

Bloody Bahrag, that was cheesy. Pie don't think I can take much more of this.


*grabs coat and leaves*

Edited by Phovos, Jul 05 2014 - 06:19 AM.

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#5 Offline Pohatu: Uniter of Stone

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Posted Jul 15 2014 - 12:35 PM

This was a great comedy, especially the part with the font battle. You move!

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