Jump to content

  • Log in with Facebook Log in with Twitter Log In with Google      Sign In   
  • Create Account

Welcome to BZPower!

Hi there, while we hope you enjoy browsing through the site, there's a lot more you can do if you register. The process is easy and you can use your Google, Facebook, or Twitter account to make it even faster. Some perks of joining include:
  • Create your own topics, participate in existing discussions, and vote in polls
  • Show off your creations, stories, art, music, and movies and play member and staff-run games
  • Enter contests to win free LEGO sets and other prizes, and vote to decide the winners
  • Participate in raffles, including exclusive raffles for new members, and win free LEGO sets
  • Send private messages to other members
  • Organize with other members to attend or send your MOCs to LEGO fan events all over the world
  • Much, much more!
Enjoy your visit!


The Biological Chronicle: 2009

2009 Bionicle Surel Element Lords Bara Magna

  • Please log in to reply
1 reply to this topic

#1 Offline TNTOS

  • Premier Member
  • Premier Members
  • Nuhvok-Kal Attacks!

  • 13-October 06
  • 3,005 posts

Posted Jul 01 2014 - 08:40 AM

Welcome to the nineth installment of my new series of Bionicle flash fics, The Biological Chronicle. If you want to read the other stories in this series, you can find links to them in my signature at the end of this post.

If you don't know what this is, allow me to quote from the first fic's introduction:

The Biological Chronicle is a series of flash fics written by me. Like my earlier Glatorian Chronicles series of short stories/short epics, each story in The Biological Chronicle is a standalone and can be read in any order you please.

What connects these story is the basic theme. I gave myself the challenge of writing ten flash fics based on the ten years of Bionicle (one for 2001, another for 2002, yet another for 2003, etc.). The result is a mixture of my interpretation of scenes from canon, scenes from canon that were mentioned but never shown, and a few scenes that were never mentioned nor shown but which I nonetheless believe could have/probably did happen at some point in canon. I tried to stick to canon as closely as possible, however, so don't expect to see any new characters or locations or anything like that that weren't in canon.

They are all quite short (the longest is a little over 700 words), but of course that is to be expected from flash fiction. Fair warning: I've had little practice with flash fiction, so if these aren't as good as my usual work, it's because I'm not used to forcing myself to keep the word count under 800 words (although you are of course still free to criticize them however you usually criticize stories).

With that out of the way, enjoy:


Surel limped across the snowy, uneven ground of the White Quartz Mountains, his pack of Iron Wolves not far behind him. He thought about the three Agori he had met yesterday, about them and their journey to the Valley of the Maze. They had seemed like tough villagers, much tougher than he remembered Agori being during the Core War. He supposed that was the result of living in the Bara Magnan desert for thousands of years.

A cold wind blew in just then; not an unusual occurrence in the White Quartz Mountains by any means, but this one was different. It not only made him shiver, but caused his Iron Wolves to shiver as well, and he sensed that the cold wind was not merely an act of nature. Someone was causing it.

Drawing his cape more tightly around his body, Surel looked up in time to see the Element Lord of Ice standing before him. Behind him, his Iron Wolves growled, a gesture Surel appreciated, even though he knew they could not harm the Element Lord of Ice.

The Element Lord of Ice smiled. “Surel. That is your name, isn't it?”

Surel put one hand on the hilt of his dagger, hidden underneath his cape. “Yes, it is. I don't need to ask your name, seeing as I already know it and hate it.”

The Element Lord of Ice chuckled. “No doubt you do.”

“What do you want?” said Surel. “Are you going to kill me for abandoning the Ice Army during the Core War? Perhaps I'll be the first of your new collection of organic ice sculptures.”

“No,” said the Element Lord of Ice, shaking his head. “Instead, I am offering you a job. Submit to my leadership once again and I will grant you your own kingdom to rule, once I defeat my fellow Lords and gain the power hidden within the Maze. You can even keep your Iron Wolves, if you wish.”

“Why do you need my help?” said Surel. “There is little I can do against an Element Lord in combat. Throw in my limp and I am certain that I would be more of a liability than help.”

The Element Lord of Ice shook his head. “You misunderstand. I do not want you to fight my fellow Lords. I want you to go into the Bara Magnan desert and gather up an army in my name. You will be the general of this army, second only to me in terms of authority, and I will grant you half of this army to defend your personal kingdom. How does that sound?”

Surel glanced over his shoulder at his Iron Wolves, then looked back at his former ruler and said, in his sharpest voice, “No.”

The temperature dropped even lower as the Element Lord of Ice frowned. “No?”

“No,” said Surel. “I know what you Element Lords are really like. I would rather spend the rest of my days at the bottom of a cramped, cold pit than in a palace built on the bodies of your enemies.”

For a moment, Surel was certain that the Element Lord of Ice would freeze him where he stood. During the Core War, the Element Lord of Ice had frozen many disobedient or traitorous soldiers, adding their bodies to his collection of frozen statues in his castle. It was a gruesome fate, one Surel didn't intend to be his, even though there was nothing he could do to stop his former ruler if the Element Lord of Ice decided to do that.

Then the Element Lord of Ice turned around. “Very well. I have better things to do anyway than bargain with a useless cripple. Just be warned, though, that when I rise again, you will be the first to perish.”

With that, the Element Lord of Ice dissolved into snow that was carried by a sudden gust of cold wind. Surel watched the snow go and then continued walking, now absolutely certain that those three Agori from before were going to die on this quest of theirs. He should have stopped them when he had the chance.
Comments, criticism, questions, etc. are all welcome :) .

Edited by TNTOS, Jul 08 2014 - 07:58 AM.

  • 2

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore Roosevelt

A Writerly Blog
The Tasty Library of Sugary Goodness
(My Little BIONICLE: Friendship is Explosive Completed 01/05/14)
{The Shika Trilogy Omnibus Completed 03/31/14) (Review Topic)
(In the End Completed 09/01/14) (Review Topic)
The Biological Chronicle: (2001) (2002) (2003) (2004) (2005) (2006) (2007) (2008) (2009) (2010)

#2 Offline Loading...

  • Members
  • Emerging Fluidic Master

  • 20-January 09
  • 1,270 posts

Posted Jul 06 2014 - 05:28 PM

I’m just some random Joe, so take my opinion as a grain of salt, but I really like this and all the other short stories I've read of yours from this collection. You've taken some less than characterized characters and at least given them a better sense of being.


Specific to this story, I liked the note of the Ice Lord's habit of keeping frozen statues of his traitors and enemies, really cool idea. I'm sort of tempted to use it in my own writtings.


While your writing isn't perfect, it certainly is good as a foundation and.for all of these flash fics that I've read so far. =] (Though, again, I'm no expert and you could be much better than I'm giving credit for)


Either way I'm looking forward to reading whatever else you have that I haven’t gotten to, and I hope you keep up the work for all the other years!

  • 1

0 user(s) are browsing this forum

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users