A/N: Ah, Ask Comedies - one of the most hated comedy fads of days gone by, second only to pie jokes and overused memes. There were so many back then, helping contribute to the reputation of this forum as a den of immaturity, a reputation that still lasts to this day. So why, you may ask, am I going to write one? The answer is simple: I was bored, I felt like it, and it's better late than never, eh?
Please understand that this isn't serious. At all. And that contradictions in the canon will hit hard and fast.
Prologue - Setting the Stage
The Coliseum. The first building to be constructed within the City of Legends, and a symbol of its enduring prosperity. From the horrors of the Matoran Civil War to the destruction wrought by the Great Cataclysm, the Coliseum had stood tall throughout the ages, its mere presence reminding the citizens of the great city that no matter what happened, Metru Nui would recover, and all would be well. To many Matoran, it was seen as but an extension of the heavens, and the pivotal role it played in the function of society did nothing to disprove this belief.
"It has not changed a bit since I assisted in its construction," remarked Helyrx as the ancient Toa trudged through one of the Coliseum's halls.
Following the destruction of Daxia, the surviving members of the Order of Mata Nui had fled to the City of Legends, hoping to regroup for a suicidal, last-ditch direct assault on Makuta Teridax. Of course, that plan had fallen through, mostly due to the fact that their enemy had unceremoniously taken a moon to the face. It really complicated matters for the Order. Jerbraz had even composed an overly long eulogy for everyone, and with the death of the evil overlord that had held their universe hostage, he had been forced to scrap the entire thing, much to the dismay of a few of other members.
Secretly, Helryx was quite thankful that it never came to fruition. She didn't believe she deserved such a dramatic end to her long life.
"You helped build this place?" asked Trinuma incredulously, the tall Order agent walking by his leader's side. "I ... did not expect you to be so old."
The ancient Toa of Water paused, turning to give her companion an unamused glare. "I will forgive the 'old' remark this once. But yes, I was present during the Coliseum's construction."
Trinuma silently let out a breath he didn't know he was holding in. He had definitely made a mistake in referring to Helryx as old, but it was fortunate she decided not to take offense. The Order agent remembered the last time Helryx took offense at something. It was horrifying, watching the ocean swallow the Shadowed One's fleet in an overly seductive manner. And then there was that time when Johmak attempted to organise a rebellion ... the other agent still wasn't able to look at seashells without screaming about the terrors contained within Dermis Turtles.
"Anyway," he said hurriedly, attempting to change the subject. "What exactly influenced you to host a talk show?"
A feeling of dread overcame him. Did he offend Helryx again? No, she was smiling. That was where the dread was originating from. Trinuma had faced up against Makuta, watched colleagues die, and suffer from the non-stop chatter of mutant Skakdi, but this ... this was beyond what he could cope with. Why was his usually serious leader smiling like that? What did the smile mean?!
"For generations," began Helryx, in a hushed tone. "We of the Order of Mata Nui have hidden in the shadows, striking at evil through methods such as murdering all who know of Artakha's location, kidnapping people we consider threats so we can use them in the future, and manipulating righteous and headstrong teams of Toa into driving entire species into extinction."
There was a pause as she let her words sink into Trinuma's mind.
"An unintentional side-effect of our reveal was that all now know of the ... somewhat immoral actions we have undertaken."
For once, Trinuma thought he was beginning to understand his leader.
"So a talk show will be the perfect solution to brushing everything under the carpet! I shall be 'hip and cool' in order to appease to audiences, and they will soon forget that I lead an organisation that has ruined the lives of thousands (possibly unnecessarily) in order to ensure the survival of the universe!"
Okay, he didn't anymore.
"So, Trinuma. What are your thoughts?"
As the titan stared at the impossibly-huge grin that stretched across Helryx's mask, Trinuma decided that he really didn't want to get involved in whatever nonsense the Toa of Water had come up with. Alas, he would have no choice in the matter. As a ... loyal servant of the Order, he knew he would have to follow along, or his life and dignity would possibly be forfeit.
"Ah, it's um ... a stunning idea."
ASK HELRYX - PROLOGUE: END.