HITMAN XI: WORLDSHAKER

[ToaKapura1234]

How can you simultaneously have 22/36 hours that have passed, have the end date be in 26 hours and have two hours left?

 

Edit: Or rather negative 6 hours at time of post. Which of these three mutually contradictory timetables is accurate (obviously not the third)

Edited August 23, 2014 by Toa K

[Chro]

Yeah, that's the problem I wanted to address.

 

I messed up, basically.

 

Trying to count up the hours, I forgot that when I was writing the post it was already the morning of the 22nd. So I put the 24th down in the post, and as a result some people missed the deadline.

 

I don't think it's fair to cut off kills because of my mistake, so I'm now allowing all round one kills sent in before August 24th 2014 at 1:00 PM EST. For real this time.

[Unit#phntk#1]

I'm not in this game but here's your filler that you requested.

 

 

~Unit#phntk#1

[Makuta Luroka]

Filler

[Axilus Prime]

Two fillers in a row typically isn't needed, lol.

[Chro]

I didn't even need filler that time. I just wanted to make the announcement that the round was still open due to my previous error.

 

I have received almost all of the kills by now, though, so if they do all come in before the deadline I'll get writing earlier.

[Pupwa21]

stop posting chro.

 

we only have so much filler.

[The Swimming Beard]

I think 42% of the posts here are filler. (including this one)

[ToaKapura1234]

Chro?

[Chro]

Yes, Kap?

 

The scene might take a little while because of my pre-school homework load, but it'll be up as soon as I can get it done, I assure you

[Pupwa21]

More filler.

[Makuta Luroka]

The fills on the bus go round and round...

[Pupwa21]

wow game dead before it began.

[Chro]

oh be quiet Pupwa




ROUND ONE

A contingent of Glatorian crouched at the top of a wooden platform hidden amongst the trees. A road wound its way through the forest, and down this road came a convoy of Glatorian on vehicles and rock steeds.
"Just what we've been waiting for." The twenty-first Pupwa loaded his Thornax launcher and peered over the edge, looking down to spy Ehksidian, his chosen target, at the head of the caravan.
As the riders proceeded along the path through the forest, Pupwa took careful aim. Just as he fired, someone bumped him from behind. The shot went slightly wide, and flew past the head of Ehks, who turned around to see the enemy soldiers hiding atop the wooden platform.
Ehks turned to his troops. "For the glory of whatever tribe you're supposed to be fighting for! I'm sure we have some sort of alliance! Go attack those scoundrels!"

Before Ehksidian could prepare himself to fight, Pupwa dropped out of a tree, landing on the rollcage of the vehicle which Ehks was riding. He attempted to kick Ehks in the head, but was distracted by a cracking sound, and turned around just as a tree fell onto his head, crushing him. Caboose and Dapper high-fived, having successfully toppled the tree onto the attacker. They didn't seem to care that, in the process, they had damaged the lead vehicle and halted the movement of the entire convoy.

Pupwa21, Element Lord of Sand, eliminated by Captain Caboose (and Dapper-Sama)

Just as Dapper and Caboose moved in to pick off more of their enemies, a crimson-clad being abruptly appeared in front of the two. Already moving at a sprint, Dapper was cleanly clotheslined by Toa K's outstretched arm, slamming into the ground. Caboose dodged out of the way, and turned to help Dapper; however, he didn't need to, as Dapper swept the legs out from under his attacker. K hit the dust, dropping the knife he had intended to stab Dapper with. All of a sudden, a huge rock came crashing through the trees towards him, courtesy of Zakaro. The red warrior glared at his enemies, before vanishing mysteriously from the boulder's path.

Unfortunately for Ehksidian, who also in the path of the boulder, there was no time to dodge. Instead, he mustered all his strength, and slammed all his weight against the boulder at just the right moment - sending it back towards its originator. Zakaro had turned his back in order to fight someone else, and was caught completely unawares, flattened by the rolling stone.

Zakaro, Glatorian of the Sand Tribe, eliminated by Ehksidian

Toa K teleported onto Pupwa's wooden platform to get a better view, but was unexpectedly grabbed by the back of the neck. He wriggled around in his enemy's grasp to find himself face to face with another red-armored Glatorian: Burnmad. In this situation K's trickery couldn't compare to Burnmad's superior strength, a fact which both realized, as Toa K gulped, and Burnmad grinned. He swung K around and, with his free hand, opened an emptied weapons crate. He slammed the struggling Toa K into the box, locked it, and kicked the box off of the platform, where it (and its occupant) were smashed to bits.

Toa K, Glatorian of the Jungle Tribe, eliminated by Burnmad: Toa of Emoticons

With his enemy eliminated, Burnmad began to cackle maniacally. Luckily for Lhikevikk, this provided an excellent opportunity to climb up and stealthily plant a sticky Thornax grenade to the bottom of the platform right below Burn's feet. And that's exactly what Lhik did.

Burnmad: Toa of Emoticons, Glatorian of the Ice Tribe, eliminated by Toa Lhikevikk

But, Lhikevikk had failed to consider the consequences of bombing the platform you're hanging from, and quickly fell to the ground. He somehow landed on top of the bodies of Burnmad and Toa K, though, so his fall was a bit cushioned, and he survived. Smooth Jazz was unsatisfied with this result, and carefully aimed a poison dart gun at Lhikevikk. However, right as he was about to fire, a knife thrown by Trijhak thunked into the tree next to his head, knocking his concentration and causing his shot to go wide.

Meanwhile, Ehks and Snubby were facing off against Axilus Prime and Phoenix Zero. The double-named duo circled around as Ehks and Snubby stood back to back. Acting swiftly, Axilus made the first move, lunging forwards with his sledgehammer. Ehks dodged, then grabbed the hammer and swung it around in reverse, pulling Axilus towards Snubby. Phoenix watched in horror as Snubby drew a sword, onto which Axilus was impaled.

Axilus Prime, Glatorian of the Ice Tribe, eliminated by Snubby

With a yell, the vengeful Phoenix Zero leapt at the enemy Glatorian, slamming Ehks out of the way, before ripping Snubby's sword out of his hands and thrusting it into his chest.

Snubby, Element Lord of Jungle, eliminated by Phoenix Zero

He then tried to remove the bodies of Axilus and Snubby from the sword, but they wouldn't budge. As this futile attempt to arm himself carried on, Ehks got back up and crept towards Phoenix. Just as he was about to strike, a voice yelled "Phoenix! Duck!"

Ehks was momentarily confused - who's shouting random bird names on the battlefield? - but he kept his wits about him, and closely managed to evade Baltarc's Thornax, which wizzed over the crouching Phoenix Zero's head, and nearly hit Ehksidian's.

It then dawned on him that he had survived three murder attempts already, and survived them all.
"Ha!" yelled Ehks. "I'm invincible!"
As these words left his mouth, he was knocked into a tree by Luroka, wielding Axilus' discarded sledgehammer. The blow stunned him, but he got up and stumbled out of the way, just as Kopekemaster pushed the tree over. It came crashing down towards Luroka, who smashed the trunk with the sledgehammer. He then began to advance towards Kopekemaster, who hurled his tree-chopping axe at Luroka; it bounced off of his armor.
"Ha!" yelled Luroka. "I'm invincible!"
A poison-tipped spear thrown by Aiwendil embedded itself in Luroka's shoulder. He began to wobble a bit in his step, but kept advancing.
"Ha!" yelled Luroka again. "I'm still..."
A second poison-tipped spear thudded into his leg (despite its thrower, ShadowVezon, having to dodge a knife attack from Colette Llyan). Under the combined effect of the pair of poisoned javelins, Luroka crumpled to the ground. Fading fast, he reached out, but could not so much as touch Kopekemaster, who took the sledgehammer out of his enemy's grasp.

Makuta Luroka, Glatorian of the Fire Tribe, eliminated by Aiwendil (and Neo ShadowVezon)

"You know what?" Kopekemaster began, smiling, "I'm not even going to say it."
Sadly, the attempt at subverting the trend failed miserably, as the knife of VoxuChro found its way into Kopekemaster's windpipe regardless.

"I don't care what anyone says. You're all completely vincible."

Kopekemaster, Glatorian of the Water Tribe, eliminated by VoxuChro

So many had fallen. Ehksidian was planning to retreat. But before he could give the order, his attention was grabbed by a strange scent coming from the vehicle he was standing next to. (Conveniently, it was his own vehicle, which he had exited at the start of the battle, but which now was pinned beneath a tree trunk.) Bending down to check the source of the scent - leaking motor fluid? - he saw an overripe Thornax stuck to the side of his vehicle. Hey wait, thought Ehks, don't overripe Thornax have a tendency to expl-

Ehksidian, Glatorian of the Jungle Tribe, eliminated by Pupwa21



SURVIVORS AND ROUND ONE STATS

1. Colette Llyan
4. Baltarc
7. Aiwendil
8. VoxuChro
9. Trijhak
10. -Toa Lhikevikk-
11. Smooth Jazz
14. Phoenix Zero
16. Dapper-Sama
17. Neo ShadowVezon
18. Captain Caboose




Jungle
K: 3

D: 3
Ratio: 1.0

Sand
K: 1

D: 2
Ratio: 0.5

 

Water

K: 2

D: 1
Ratio: 2.0

Ice

K: 2
D: 2
Ratio: 1.0

Fire
K: 3
D: 1
Ratio: 3.0

 

The Fire tribe had the most successful round. Each survivor from this team gains one resistance point, except for the Element Lord of Fire, who receives two. Decide in your resistance PM.

 

The Jungle and Sand tribes each lost their Element Lords. Each survivor from those teams will lost one resistance point. Decide in your resistance PM.

 

 

 

All survivors have until 7:00 PM EST on August 28th to send me your round two kills.

Edited August 26, 2014 by ChroXumo

[Samus Aran-Bounty Hunter]

...yay death

all the death...

Guess it's only fitting for my first game to die in the first round.

Zakaro

[Chro]

The beauty of Hitman is that the games are much shorter and more frequent (and with much higher mortality rates) than Mafia

 

Plus, four people tried (and one succeeded) to avenge you

Also, I want to see some people hardcore logic-puzzle this up to figure out who they're going up against

Edited August 26, 2014 by ChroXumo

[Kopekemaster]

 

 

attempt at subverting the trend

aww man yes kopekemaster is such a hipster

[ToaKapura1234]

If anyone is willing to adopt the survivor from my team let me know. (And we will not hold grudges for past deeds, don't worry)

Edited August 27, 2014 by Toa K

[Van Hohenheim]

So much death. I need to play more of these.

[Makuta Luroka]

...

[Dapper-Sama]

Caboose, you have gained my (temporary) friendship. Let us engage in jolly co-operation!

[Axilus Prime]

._.

 

That was a startling change, I died immediately. In past games I lasted quite a while. Oh well, thanks for avenging me, JiMing!

 

"You're all quite vincible" That was priceless. There were a lot of really creative deaths in this scene too.

[ToaKapura1234]

Anyone going to take up my offer?

[Axilus Prime]

I don't think that can even happen.

[Chro]

You technically could do it, though the win conditions would remain the same

[JiMing]

Yay! A WinRAR is me!

Axilus, you're welcome. =P

[Ehksidian]

gosh dangit pupwa

y u kil me

[Chro]

Four people tried, only Pupwa succeeded

[Voxumo]

Glad i didn't even try

[Chro]

Kills received, scene is being written

[Dapper-Sama]

>You tried to make filler, but you don't have enough Expression to do that.

[Chro]

ROUND TWO
 

A new day dawned over Spherus Magna, bound to be even worse than the last one. Death totals from the Core War were rising fast. The typically apathetic Great Beings had decided to pitch in just a little, and donated a vat of Vintage Aged Totally Legitimate Thornax Ale to the Atero Pub, in an effort to get the combatants to relax, or possibly make them too drunk to fight properly. However, this purpose was entirely negated by the shipment of weapons that they accidentally sent alongside it.

 

The warrior known as Phoenix Zero entered the Atero Pub. He wasn't there for the ale; he was there to blow someone up. Sitting down at the bar, he completely ignored the bartender's questions, and carefully adhered a bomb of some sort to the bottom of the counter. Then he got up and began pacing around the pub, detonator in hand, waiting for Trijhak, his target.

 

Nearby, oblivious to all danger, Smooth Jazz began to drink some Vintage Aged Totally Legitimate Thornax Ale. It turned out that the specific type of Thornax included in the beverage was the single kind to which Smooth Jazz held a potent allergy. As soon as he took a sip, he realized this, and rushed off towards the bathroom.

 

Inside the bathroom, Smooth Jazz found the sole toilet already being used by Neo ShadowVezon.

"Oh no," Jazz said. "For your own safety, please, get out of there. I need to get in."

"Sorry man," responded SV. "No can do. I'm hiding from Colette, was trying to shoot me. She can't come in here, right?"

"That's... uh. Well. Okay. Um, listen, I'm about to explode."

"How literal is that?"

Smooth Jazz remained silent, feeling as though any response to questions about exploding were likely to backfire relatively swiftly.

SV didn't wait for a reply anyway. "Tough. I'm not moving."

Jazz's Thornax allergy was becoming especially potent as he digested the ale. He wasn't going to last much longer like this.

He had no choice.

 

From outside of the bathroom, the screams of ShadowVezon could be heard, before the door slammed open and his body came flying out. Apparently his head had been bashed in on the toilet.

 

Neo ShadowVezon, Element Lord of Ice, eliminated by Smooth Jazz

 

The bathroom door slowly swung shut.

 

At the table which Smooth Jazz had vacated, Captain Caboose and Dapper-Sama sat chatting... really loudly. The two had bonded over their shared murder of Pupwa, and were discussing plans for a shared vacation to the Bota region, but because of the din of the pub, their talking had become more like shouting.

 

Unfortunately, not all the bar's patrons remained unbothered by this, and after hearing the two rambling on for what felt like hours, Aiwendil had had enough. He stood up and turned to the two, his bearded face transforming into a picture of rage.

 

"Why don't you two get a room?"

"Hey," said Caboose, "not a bad idea."

"WHAT WAS THAT?" asked Dapper.

"Oh, shut up already!" yelled Aiwendil. He picked up the unoccupied chair of Smooth Jazz and lifted it over his head to smash Dapper.

"DAPPER," shouted Caboose, "I THINK YOU SHOULD DUCK."

 

He did. The chair slammed into the table and splintered to pieces. All that was left intact was a conveniently hammer-shaped section of wood. Aiwendil looked at it and shrugged, pulling back his arm again to have another swing at Dapper.

 

At that precise moment, Phoenix Zero walked past. Aiwendil swung his chair-hammer straight past Dapper's head (again) and straight into Phoenix's stomach. The would-be bomber was knocked clean through the bar.

 

Phoenix Zero, Element Lord of Fire, eliminated by Aiwendil

 

This development caused the bomb that Phoenix had planted to break off from the bar itself and land amidst a pile of rubble (and Phoenix). The bartender - who turned out to be Trijhak in disguise - picked it up, and examined it. Funny how fate works, he thought. However, as he began to walk out from behind the shattered bar, he accidentally stepped on the detonator clutched in Phoenix's hand. The bomb began to beep, and Trijhak tossed it away in fear. It bounced and rolled through the pub, ending up beneath the chair of Smooth Jazz, who had just sat back down after his ordeal in the bathroom.

 

Noticing the bomb, Jazz remembered something SV had asked him, and solidly facepalmed.

 

Smooth Jazz, Glatorian of the Sand Tribe, eliminated by Trijhak

 

The explosion set off chaos in the pub. Most patrons made a break for the door. Aiwendil was still furious at Dapper and Caboose, and having no weapons with which to exact his anger (his chair-hammer having broken upon impact with Phoenix's rock-hard abs), he simply picked up a glass of ale and splashed it on Dapper's face. Normally, this would have been only a slight annoyance, but because Voxumo had poisoned the ale, it burned like the devil upon eye contact.

As Dapper already had difficulty hearing, he was now entirely devoid of a means of knowing what the heck was going on. Regardless, he pulled out a gun and tried to fire at Aiwendil, but due to his poor awareness of everything going on around him, he ended up shooting straight at Caboose. It missed, fortunately for the Captain. Dapper lined up another shot (at Caboose), and so Caboose pulled the gun from his friend's hand and pointed it at Aiwendil. But unfortunately for them both (and quite fortunately for the former chair-wielder), Aiwendil was long gone.

 

 

 

SURVIVORS AND ROUND ONE STATS

1. Colette Llyan
4. Baltarc
7. Aiwendil
8. VoxuChro
9. Trijhak
10. -Toa Lhikevikk-
16. Dapper-Sama
18. Captain Caboose

 

 

Jungle
K: 0
D: 0
Ratio: N/A

Sand
K: 1
D: 1
Ratio: 1.0
 
Water
K: 2
D: 0
Ratio: mathematically, infinity, I guess

Ice
K: 0
D: 1
Ratio: 0.0

Fire
K: 0
D: 1
Ratio: 0.0

 
The Water tribe had the most successful round. Each survivor from this team gains one resistance point, except for the Element Lord of Water, who receives two. Decide in your resistance PM.
 
The Ice and Fire tribes each lost their Element Lords. Each survivor from those teams will lost one resistance point. Decide in your resistance PM.
 
 
 
All survivors have until 7:30 PM EST on August 31st to send me your round two kills.

Edited August 31, 2014 by Chro

[ToaKapura1234]

Kill the last Element Lord!

[JiMing]

i hate you all.

 

(I mean it this time)

[Axilus Prime]

...That scene was so masterfully written. Just, wow.

 

So much hilarity and irony all in one package. I can still get a kick out of this game even while I'm dead simply by reading these.

[ToaKapura1234]

Ice and sand survivors contact me for an alliance with the surviving jungler.

[Dapper-Sama]

It was an accident, I swear.

[Voxumo]

I blame you for my lost kill aiwendil *smirks*

But really that was an action packed scene.

 

Actually decided to make the list myself

Tribe: Number of remaining members

Sand: 1

Water: 3

Jungle :1

Fire: 2

Ice: 1

Edited August 30, 2014 by Voxumo

[Chro]

Mhmm.

Water's high number of survivors is going to be a detriment to them if people manage to figure out who they are. They have the most people to lose and therefore the potential for the lowest KD.

They also have the potential for the highest KD but you all need to think positive, right?

Edited August 30, 2014 by Chro

[Kopekemaster]

In my wanderings as a spirit among the survivors in the Water Tribe, I have not been blind. I have seen much, heard much, read much, much more than I had ever done while still living. And I have been convinced.

Convinced that the Water tribe will win. Convinced that they have the strength, intelligence, and determination to do so. I was a necessary sacrifice. I was to die, to show that they could mourn, yet hold back their vengeful hand from brutally murdering anyone involved in the "incident" (for such it truly was). This ability to hold back revenge is exemplary of their strength. They do not hold petty grudges.

Once they have humbled you all, they will re-name and re-unite our planet as Spherus City. All races, tribes, mindsets will be welcomed warmly. We do not discriminate. We do not despise. We love. We accept.

There will be no war no longer, for there will be only one nation; that of us. There will be peace, and prosperity.

The world as it is right now is cruelly divided, between those of this tribe and that. Even above that level, there are prejudices that separate people. We do not tolerate this. In fact, I may go so far as to say that we will be intolerant of intolerants. All will be treated as equals.

Water will be the national symbol, showing that we run pure, that we refresh those who are weary, that we cleanse those who are impure.

Water symbolizes both the up and down, the in and out. For every time that it can heal, it can hurt. But we will be sparing in that use. Once the world has been made pure of those who wish to kill, to have war, to hate, there will be no need for that, that we can see.

 

Welcome to Spherus City, all.