Spherus Quest: An Episodic Comedy Adventure
Character Bios coming soon...
Once, every 1000 cycles of the machinations of the known and unknown dimensions of existence and non-existence, a comedy line dances into the Grand Ol’ Oprey of life that escapes the meager limits of language cobbled together by the feeble minds of Matoran. Although severely limited in their ability to describe the glorious lovechild of hilarity and wit that is this comedy, many eons of intense delegation among the foremost seers and scientists that are able to call a giant robot their home have refined their sacred chants into a few sentences…
“Pretty good, but I was a little lost there, and this guy already did something like that a year ago. Here’s the link. I’m getting a mod to close this thread.”
So much for the tongues of Matoran.
Regardless, this comedy has seen fit to grace the presence of your computer screen, Bionicle fan. In doing so, it has caused the room you are now sitting in to be saturated by holy light, and converted your pc or phone or tablet or magic mirror or potato into a holy computer. You’re welcome. Your specific device can now run Battlefield 4 on medium graphical settings and comes with a gift card for 20 dollars in Steam wallet funds.
Wait, why are you still here?
Huh, you still want to read this?
That’s super cool of you.
To be honest, I didn’t think anybody would get this far. I guess I’ll write something up real quick
Well, here you go.
The Toa Nuva begin to discuss with the Agori leader Raanu the terms for building a Matoran refuge on the newly reconstructed planet of Spherus Magna. Although now considered beautiful and life sustaining, the planet still had its share of new dangers and challenges...
Tahu: That direction. It’s perfect.
Raanu: Our Thornax bushes are that way.
Tahu: Okay… that other perfect direction. Right there.
Raanu: That’s our other Thornax spot.
Tahu: That way?
Tahu: (Points up)
Tahu: (Points down)
Tahu: (Points angrily at Lewa)
Tahu: What’s with you people and Thornax!?
Raanu: What’s with you people and living!?
Tahu: Look, we need a place to build a freaking Matoran City! For Matoran! By Matoran! Maybe if you, like, grew food instead of Thornax you wouldn’t be subsisting off of a gladiatorial combat system
Raanu: Don’t be confoundin’ me wiff yur fancy orthopedics, boy. I like my innards where they be.
Gali: Sir, this may be a better question: where are the Thornax NOT?
(Raanu’s eyes glass over)
Lewa: I think you broke it.
(Gali splashes water on the Agori’s face)
Raanu: I told ya’ he was lyin' on the floor this mornin’!
Onua: Easy, old timer.
Agori: Sorry, youngins, I thought I heard somebody mention Thornax and a negative word in the same sentence…
Kopaka: Sir, we just need an area where the Agori wouldn’t mind us building a new home for the Matoran.
Raanu: Why are you white?
Kopaka: We’re not going there.
Cykron: Yes sir.
Kopaka: Any ideas old man?
Agori: I had a few , Casper, if you’d let me think.
Kopaka: Ok we’re already done professionally.
Cykron: Couldn’t resist.
Pohatu: I just had a super cool idea!
Pohatu: Brother, there are no Mahi around. Anywhere. At all.
Gali: Wait, what Mahi?
Onua: (Sticks finger in Gali's face) Exactly.
Pohatu: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT AND YOU KNOW IT.
Gali: Quiet! What's your idea, Pohatu.
Pohatu: . Anyway, why don’t we build a city that can house both Matoran and Agori peacefully?
Gali: Sounds good to me.
Tahu: Dibs on mayor.
Onua: THEY WERE SO FULL OF LIFE.
Raanu: Never eat asparagus before goin’ on a date, boys. Take it from me.
Turaga Duma: Dibs on mayor.
Tahu: NOW WAIT JUST A SEC- Oh, hello wise one. When did you get here?
Turaga Dume: I'm with you, always.
Tahu: That’s terrifying.
Turaga Duma: Yes.
Raanu: Is it dark in here or am I having a stroke…
Kopaka: I sincerely hope it’s the latter.
Raanu: Ow yep, still white.
(The other Turaga approach, along with other Turaga from other unknown regions of the recently destroyed Matoran Universe)
Vakama: Have we reached a verdict, friends?
Tahu: Raanu should not be leading his own life, let alone a nation of Agori.
Vakama: Yes, we will take care of that soon enough. (Scary music plays. Raanu eats a fig newton, because that’s what old people eat.)
Cykron: This writing stuff is easy!
Vakama: Have you come to a conclusion of where to build a new Matoran/Agori city?
Gali: We have a few ideas.
Vakama: (Gesturing for the other Turaga to form around him) Let’s hear it.
Roughly ten minutes later…
Duma: Then it is decided. We will arrange a small scouting party of six capable Matoran to venture into the newly reformed wilds of Spherus Magna in order to find the ideal location for our new city.
Whenua: Why only six?
Duma: It’s served us pretty well so far.
Whenua: Why Matoran?
Duma: Because we need all of the Toa we can spare to guard the rest of the Matoran here.
Cykron: Because I came up with this story in the five minutes between calculus and english class.
Duma: Any other questions?
Whenua: Well, I-
Duma: Anyone at all?
Whenua: I just-
Vakama: I think we’re good here.
Vakama: Haha oh, Nuju!
Stay tuned for Chapter 2!
Edited by Cykron, Sep 24 2014 - 11:43 AM.