Master Inika Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 (edited) In the cold, shadowy waters of the Pit, on a landmark known as the Razor Whale’s Teeth, a squat, black-armored figured prepared for the arrival of his five former teammates. His name was Mantax, one of the six Barraki warlords who once ruled most of the known universe. After a failed uprising against one of the few forces higher than the Barraki, the six despots were exiled to the Pit as punishment. Through their 80,000-year confinement, the alliance between the six only fragmented, until the appearance of a strange Kanohi Mask of Power shattered it. The Kanohi was the Legendary Mask of Life. At first, its appearance revitalized their unity. The waters of the Pit had transformed the Barraki into monstrous water-breathers, cursing them to an eternity beneath the waves. This mask, however, had the power to reverse their changes and enable them to escape and reclaim the empires they deserved. But each of the six realized, if only one was able to acquire the mask, he could rule all without the meddling of his five brothers. For now, Mantax was in possession of the coveted artifact. In an hour’s time, the five others would arrive to hear him dictate his terms to relinquish the mask. Preparations had to be made. “Ranch, cheese dip, or salsa?” Mantax said to himself as he stared at the chip bowl carefully placed on his table. Attached to the chip bowl was two, but not three, smaller valleys designed to hold condiments. “I know Kalmah prefers cheese, but not Pridak. Ehlek hates ranch, and I know the condiments might end up getting mixed together, and then Ehlek won’t want any of it, even if it’s just a little bit. He wouldn’t tell me, though.” Mantax laughed to himself as he reminded himself his spiked brother’s passive-aggressiveness was really just a front hiding his personal insecurities. “What am I thinking?” Mantax exclaimed with realization, bonking himself in the head lightly with his claw. “Carapar is allergic to cheese!” He put his cheese dip back in the refrigerator, and then filled the two valleys with ranch and salsa. Ehlek would just have to make do. He then swam over to his radio and turned it on. It was on his personal favorite station, an alternative rock station. The band that got him through middle school was on, playing something from one of their albums before they went mainstream. He bobbed his head as he made sure the chairs were arranged around the table properly. As the song ended, he went back to the radio and tried to decide which station everybody would like. They weren’t ready for his kind of music. He knew Takadox liked talk shows, but nobody else did. Carapar liked heavy metal, Pridak liked techno, Ehlek liked rap, and Kalmah liked pop. The former warlord finally decided on PIT-FM, a station that he thought didn’t have much of an individual identity, but played a variety of genres. “Compromise. It’s the core of any successful partnership,” he said with satisfaction. “If only that Matoran village near Stelt understood that, I wouldn’t have had to slaughter them so brutally.” He didn’t have time to reminisce, because his fellow Barraki would be there soon. He was almost done prepping, though. He swam to the fridge and got out his soda, fruit punch, and water, and placed them on the counter with a stack of paper cups. He thought of putting out the champagne, but decided it would be best to save that until the end. Best to not get Ehlek prematurely drunk; nobody wanted to see him try to dance with Gadunka again. With only minutes until the anticipated arrival, Mantax checked the air freshener. He didn’t get using air fresheners underwater, or electrical outlets, but he didn’t want the other Barraki to remember the time he owned the Mask of Life as the time he wasn’t ready to have guests, so he wasn’t complaining. The air freshener was almost empty, so he threw it out and plugged another in. Just in time, too! Kalmah was just arriving. Edited October 15, 2014 by Master Inika 1 Quote "You are an absolute in these uncertain times. Your past is forgotten, and your future is an empty book. You must find your own destiny, my brave adventurer." -- Turaga Nokama Click here to visit my library! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The 1st Shadow Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 Interesting start. Will we ever learn how the air freshener makes sense under water? One thing: I would advise putting an extra blank line between paragraphs to make it easier to follow. Quote ~Your friendly, neighborhood Shadow ~Credit for Avatar and Banner goes to NickonAquaMagna~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pohatu: Uniter of Stone Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 This is awesome! It also fits Mantax's personality to some extent. Quote I HATE SCORPIOS ~Pohatu Master of Stone, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Inika Posted October 15, 2014 Author Share Posted October 15, 2014 I put spaces between the paragraphs; they do make it a lot better. I'm on the fence about continuing this, maybe, maybe not. 1 Quote "You are an absolute in these uncertain times. Your past is forgotten, and your future is an empty book. You must find your own destiny, my brave adventurer." -- Turaga Nokama Click here to visit my library! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pohatu: Uniter of Stone Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 I put spaces between the paragraphs; they do make it a lot better. I'm on the fence about continuing this, maybe, maybe not.Please do! If just Mantax is this funny, six Barraki would be even better! Quote I HATE SCORPIOS ~Pohatu Master of Stone, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NickonAquaMagna Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 Hmmm... taking some cues with the XL machine's ankles, I see? Pretty cool stuff. I like all of the beasts, and I REALLY like Rockas' crawler. Best use of Reidak's saw I've seen to date. My only criticism of the mechs is that it looks like the roofs go just a bit too far down on some of them. I keep thinking the heroes must have a hard time seeing what's in front of them. 1 Quote The Toa- A Bionicle Retelling by NickonAquaMagna http://www.bzpower.com/board/topic/25275-the-toa-a-retelling-of-bionicle/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pohatu: Uniter of Stone Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 Hmmm... taking some cues with the XL machine's ankles, I see? Pretty cool stuff. I like all of the beasts, and I REALLY like Rockas' crawler. Best use of Reidak's saw I've seen to date. My only criticism of the mechs is that it looks like the roofs go just a bit too far down on some of them. I keep thinking the heroes must have a hard time seeing what's in front of them.Uhhhh I think you posted in the wrong topic. Quote I HATE SCORPIOS ~Pohatu Master of Stone, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The 1st Shadow Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 I put spaces between the paragraphs; they do make it a lot better. I'm on the fence about continuing this, maybe, maybe not.Yes, much better! And yeah, you should! Even if it is only another chapter or two. If you can come up with more, I'd love to read it! Quote ~Your friendly, neighborhood Shadow ~Credit for Avatar and Banner goes to NickonAquaMagna~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NickonAquaMagna Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 (edited) ....Dangit. Posted in the wrong topic. Edited October 15, 2014 by NickonAquaMagna Quote The Toa- A Bionicle Retelling by NickonAquaMagna http://www.bzpower.com/board/topic/25275-the-toa-a-retelling-of-bionicle/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Inika Posted October 16, 2014 Author Share Posted October 16, 2014 (edited) So, I decided this will be a one-shot thing. I really only found inspiration in one line from Downfall, I believe it was, "Mantax was busy preparing for the arrival of his former allies," and I immediately thought, "What was he doing, deciding which dip to put out with the chips?" I think even one more chapter of just Mantax being a homemaker will get stale real quick. Besides, it's called The Preparations of Mantax, and he's all done preparing. Fortunately, I do have another treat I've just started, and this I do intend to make quite a few chapters of: Ask Tahu! Edited October 16, 2014 by Master Inika 1 Quote "You are an absolute in these uncertain times. Your past is forgotten, and your future is an empty book. You must find your own destiny, my brave adventurer." -- Turaga Nokama Click here to visit my library! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wazdakka Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 This was definitely pretty amusing. I was totally not ready for Mantax to start preparing chips. Quote Steam Name: Toa Hahli Mahri. Xbox Live Gamertag: Makuta. Minecraft Username: ThePoohster.Wants: 2003 Jaller (from Jaller and Gukko), Exo-Toa, Turaga Nuju, Turaga Vakama, Shadow Kraata, Axonn, Brutaka, Vezon & Fenrakk, Nocturn, ORANGE FIKOU.I got rid of my picture, are you happy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
user-402520536 Posted November 11, 2014 Share Posted November 11, 2014 Aww, I liked it! If you find some free time to keep writing this, I'll be here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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