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Kongu and Keetongu

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KONGU AND KEETONGU

Episode 1

by Aerixx

 

 

One morning, Kongu woke up to the sight of a red light shining in his eyes. The red light said, “Hello.”

 

Kongu, like any decent Matoran, started screaming and trying to bat it away. Needless to say, he failed epically. The red light remained unmoving until Kongu finally exhausted all of his energy. When Kongu resigned himself to the fact that he was about to be eaten by a laser-pointer, the light leaned back and revealed itself to be... (cue Mortal Kombat “fatality” voice) Keetongu. Kongu started screaming again, then shut up. Then he said: “You want cookies? I have-own cookies... maybe... or something...” Keetongu didn’t understand anything.

 

So, like any decent buff ninja cyclops thing, he asked, “Do you speak Matoran?”

 

Kongu replied, “Yes, I do.”

 

Keetongu, uncomprehending, repeated, “Do you speak Matoran?”

 

Kongu, slightly very confused, answered again, “Yes. I speak Matoran.”

 

“Do you speak Matoran?”

 

“YES! Dude, I AM a Matoran!”

 

Keetongu, even more confused, asked, “You are Matoran? This not Soviet Xia joke where ‘Matoran speak you’, this real?”

 

Kongu facepalmed. “There are two kinds-types of Matoran: Us, and our language.”

 

“You are Langwajj? Hello, Langwajj.”

 

Kongu got up, looked at Keetongu, and said, “Let’s go eat-consume some cookies. Then maybe-possibly your mind’ll clear up.”

 

Keetongu, still not understanding, stood from his crouching position and attempted to follow Kongu out of the hut’s small bedroom, but tripped on a random friction connector pin, tripped, and brought the ceiling crashing down on himself. Bamboo and curved slope parts came raining down and, as Keetongu tried to get up, a random Kanohi Kualsi fell onto his face (or whatever you call it). Kongu, only slightly disappointed by the destruction of his bedroom, grinned under his Miru and reached for the Kanohi, saying “Oh, hey, you found-discovered it! Thanks!”

 

But before he could grasp it, Keetongu disappeared. He heard a surprised “Uh?” a few feet away, and when he turned, Keetongu was just vanishing again.

 

“Wait-stop!” He called, but all he got in reply were random “Ooh!”s and “Wee!”s as Keetongu teleported around the hut in rapid succession. Kongu was at a loss of what to do. So he decided a tactic that always worked (at least on Po-Matoran): food. He held up a cookie and screamed, “Cookie!”

 

Keetongu immediately appeared in front of him, grabbed the cookie, and vanished again. Now all Kongu heard were the sounds of the cookie being smashed against the faceplate of the mask as Keetongu tried to eat it somewhere on the roof of the kitchen. Kongu then called out, “Come over here and I’ll make you able to eat it!”

 

Keetongu plopped down on the rubble by Kongu and looked at him expectantly. And creepily. Because his one eye-stalk was twisted through one of the eyeholes of the mask, so it appeared as if a Ko-Matoran had asked an amateur mask-maker to add an eye-piece to his Kualsi. Ugh.

 

Kongu promptly popped the mask off Keetongu’s face (or whatever you call it). Keetongu promptly stuffed the cookie where his mouth would’ve been. But, since the characters in this story retelling go by their toy forms, not their movie forms, and Keetongu lacks a mouth in toy form, the cookie crumbs ended up clogging his Rhotuka-launching mechanism and causing it shoot a spinner which, in turn, smashed into Kongu and sent him flying through whatever was left of the walls to the house, leaving a suspiciously Matoran-shaped hole.

 

Keetongu sighed and went to look for Kongu. Not long after, he found him head-first in a thornbush. He reached out with a massive hand to pull Kongu out, but the thorn bush squirmed and said, “No. My tasty.”

 

Keetongu blinked his one eye in surprise and reached forward again. This time the bush growled, “My tasty. Go get your own.”

 

Keetongu sat down in amazement. Was this a kind of Rahi? Or maybe a Makuta experiment, like the sentient mountain? In any case, he had to probe it for more details. “Who you?” He asked.

 

“A bush.”

 

“Why you want to eat Langwajj?”

 

“I eat tasty because he is tasty. Go get your own.”

 

“You want more tasty tasty?

 

“I can has tasty more tasty than this tasty?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Okay. Bring me tasty!” The bush snarled, and so Keetongu set off to find a Matoran for the bush to eat. After a while, he almost stepped on a little brown Po-Matoran.

 

“Ow! Watch it, dude! I’ll have you killed! Teridax, this fat cyclops is bullying me! Waaaaaaaah!” Ahkmou whined. Keetongu calmly picked him up by the double-bevelled  gear on his back and carried him all the way back to Le-Koro.

 

“Hey bush! I have tasty for you!” Keetongu bellowed. All he heard in reply was “Taaaa... sssstttyyy...” and then a muffled gasp. Ahkmou started to snicker, but his laugh turned into a scream as Keetongu chucked him at the bush, knocking Kongu out of its maw and producing countless “ouch”s and “eek”s, followed by one final "Waaah!" Keetongu picked Kongu up and dusted him off.

 

“Hello, Langwajj. More cookies?”

 

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So, this was chapter one of my first comedy. Did you like it? Should I keep going? Comments are appreciated, and critiques are welcome!

Edited by Gukko Lord
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HAHAHAHHAHAHABAHAHABHAHABHAHAHAHAAAA! (that's a word) Wow. You have over done yourself this time, Gukko lord. I recommend you do it more, but keep it to skits similarto the Kualsi-in-the-kitchen type skits. Great job, though. :D

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HAHAHAHHAHAHABAHAHABHAHABHAHAHAHAAAA! (that's a word) Wow. You have over done yourself this time, Gukko lord. I recommend you do it more, but keep it to skits similarto the Kualsi-in-the-kitchen type skits. Great job, though. :D

Thanks so much! Quick question- do you think a bi-weekly update system is okay?

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I think that's fine :D also, I do suggest they go to more of a industrial or city-scape area next.

I have that planned for a little later; after all the Le-Koro loose ends are tied up.

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KONGU AND KEETONGU

Episode 2

by Aerixx

 

 

Recently after their last adventure, our heroes head out to inform Turaga Matau of Keetongu’s appearance. On the way, Kongu tries his best to teach Keetongu the art of speech. Frankly, it didn’t go too well.

 

“So I have say word ‘the’ before other word?” Keetongu asked, confuzzled.

 

“Yeah, you have to speak-say it before every noun.” Kongu replied for the fiftieth time.

 

“The so the I the have the talk the like the this?” Keetongu asked, even more confuzzled. Kongu facepalmed hard enough that his mask fell right off. After putting it back on, he turned back to Keetongu.

 

“Nevermind, we’ve arrived.” Kongu gestured to Matau’s hut, from where various sounds were coming from. A random Skakdi with an Olmak on his face tumbled out of and crashed into Kongu.

 

“Hey! Watch it! Why are you here, anyways?” Kongu asked indignantly.

 

“I can go anywhere I want!” Vezon disgruntledly  pointed to his Olmak. “And... anywhere I don’t want!” He added, then promptly fell through a dimensional portal and disappeared from view.

 

“Is disgruntledly even a word?” Kongu tried to ask, but before he could finish Nuju screamed from all the way in Ko-Koro, “Yes! Disgruntledly is a word!” This was quickly followed by Onewa screaming “SHUT UP!” all the way from Po-Koro.

 

“Well, that was weird,” Kongu said, to which Keetongu heartily nodded in agreement. They finally entered the building, in which Turaga Matau was trying to use his Kau Kau (not Kaukau) Staff as a flute. Keetongu decided to intervene before his attempts, already horrific, reached a catastrophic level. He picked up the little Turaga and bashed him repeatedly against the earth.

 

“Problem is solved,” Keetongu tried to smile, but, lacking a mouth, he failed entirely.

 

“Sooo... um, Turaga? Are you okay?” Kongu awkwardly tried to lift the turaga up, but since his hands were best-suited for holding discs and cookies, were unable to lift Matau up.

 

“Mpff!” Turaga Matau said. Keetongu gingerly lifted him up and attempted to dust him off, but ended up just battering the poor Turaga even more. When Keetongu had finished, Kongu began again.

 

“Sorry about quick-barging in like this, Turaga. I just ponder-thought it would be best to alert-tell you of this new arrival. Meet Keetorange.”

 

Keetongu grunted.

 

“Oop, sorry, Keetongu, your reputation precedes you.” Kongu turned to Matau, who was now smiling merrily at Keetongu.

 

“I remember-recall you! You made me un-ugly again!” the elder squealed like a little Ga-Matoran as he ran to embrace Keetongu. “Where have you hid-been these last... wait.... how many years was it? Uh, Greg? Oh, well. Hugs!”

 

Kongu looked on at this unexpected display of friendly affection, cringing, and when the visual ordeal was over he asked, “So... I assume by this you mean ‘yes’?”

 

Turaga Matau nodded vigorously, finally ungluing himself from Keetongu. The latter was very relieved, scooting over to stand by the door to have a quick exit route just in case Matau tried any more shenanigans. The Turaga, though, had no such motives: “In fact, let’s host a party-celebration!” he said as he started to dance from side to side, mentally scarring both of his guests by doing so.

 

Kongu and Keetongu slowly inched to the door, and then made a dash for the safety of the forest. They ran and ran until they couldn’t hear the oblivious Turaga’s Kaukau staff.

 

Keetongu stopped to catch his breath when he heard whining. It sounded familiar. “Teridaaaaaaaaax!” it wailed.

 

Kongu had caught up with Keetongu and huffed, “Wait, is that Ahkmou? I ponder-thought the sentient bush ate-consumed him.”

 

Ahkmou walked out from behind the bramble, rubbing his backside. “Yeah, but it said I wasn’t tasty. Suits me, but- Hey! You’re the stupid fat cyclops that got me in this problem in the first place!” he continued to scream insults as Kongu watched, dumbfounded.

 

Keetongu tried his best to make a sad expression, but, lacking a face, he failed pathetically. When Ahkmou’s torrent of verbal abuse showed no signs of stopping, he quit the charade and charged up his Rhotuka spinner. Its special ability was to absorb and send back out any power used against him- in this case, Ahkmou’s angry words. When it was ready, he opened his chest cavity and sent out a swirling disc of pure hate. Ahkmou only realized it when the spinner’s screams of “It’s all your fault!” and “What the Karz is wrong with you!?” drowned out his own. It crashed into him and, with a mighty yell of “You’re so ugly!”, sent the Matoran careening in the direction of a thornbush-

 

Suddenly, Vezon appeared out of nowhere. Unfortunately for him, he was right in front of the thornbush, and so Ahkmou soared right into him. Fortunately for him, he was able to open up a portal just in time to avoid falling into the (probably sentient) thornbush. This was also fortunate for Kongu and Keetongu, as Ahkmou went with him.

 

“Sooo...” Kongu whistled. “That... was weird.”

Keetongu, who would’ve been slack-jawed if he had a mouth, simply pointed toward the faraway Turaga Matau’s hut, where the elder was attempting to do battle with a swarm of... Bohrok.

 

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And that was chapter 2! Tell me if you like it, I'm open to suggestions. I've decided that I'll update this every other Tuesday, so stay tuned!

Edited by Gukko Lord

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I suggest that I liked it :P

 

Congratulations on another piece of your comedy in place!

Thanks, your comments mean a lot!

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Too much lol

Too much? How can I make it better?

I meant it's so funny I'm gonna die

 

Oh, in that case, my pleasure!

 

 

Edited by Gukko Lord

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KONGU AND KEETONGU

Episode 3

by Aerixx

 

Keetongu was sprinting along the dirt path towards Turaga Matau’s hut. He silently wished he had geared legs like Pohatu- that would’ve made his current objective so much easier and faster. And Kongu was pretty heavy, for a simple twenty-three piece set.

 

“How Gukko carry you?” he grunted, in between gasps.

 

“Are you insulting my weight?!” Kongu said, trying to hold on to Keetongu’s back. His hands were horrible at holding onto anything that wasn’t an axle, and kept on slipping off.

 

“Maybe two Gukko fly you?” he started to ask, but Kongu didn’t hear him as he fell onto the dirt path with a splat.

 

Keetongu turned around to pick up the little Matoran and continue running, but Kongu motioned to him to wait and ran off into the bushes. After a minute of rustling and Rahi sounds, Kongu came back, grinning giddily, and held up a Technic mini-pin-axle. After reattaching his hand (the Burnak didn’t react kindly to losing a rather instrumental part from his build), Kongu plugged one end into his own hand and the other into a spare axle port on Keetongu’s back.

 

“This should do the trick... now get going! We have Bohrok to fight!”

 

Keetongu stood, dusted himself off, and broke into a run. Kongu billowed behind him, effortlessly holding on, trying to come up with a strategy to fight the Bohrok. He could now see that there were four Kohrak and a Kohrak-Va all being led by a Kohrak-Kal. The Kohrak were freezing over the grass and trees around the hut while the Kohrak-Va jumped up and down and cheered in its own, rapid (and quite high-pitched) language. The Kohrak-Kal was barely visible from behind a wall, where he had Matau cornered, and seemed to be taking great pleasure in torturing the Turaga.

 

Keetongu burst out of the bracken and into the first Kohrak, sending it shattering into its component parts. Its Krana-Bo was soon crushed underfoot as Keetongu lumbered toward the next Kohrak, who had taken notice of him and was aiming its frost shields at him.

 

Kongu disconnected from Keetongu and dashed towards the Kohrak-Va, which was now scrambling away from the battle. He slapped it upside the head, sending it reeling back. Then, quick as a Gukko, he plugged the Technic mini-pin-axle into one of the Va’s toes and stepped on it. The Kohrak-Va, pinned (literally) to the dirt, was powerless to stop Kongu as he gently removed its Krana and squished it against the earth.

 

Keetongu was similarly in luck. The second Kohrak had encased his lower torso in ice, but Keetongu just ripped out a shard and threw it at the Kohrak’s skull-cap, shattering it and impaling the Krana inside. The other two Kohrak closed in, readying to fire their Krana, but two vines randomly whipped out of the nearby bushes, wrapped around their ankles, and chucked them off into the sky.

 

A random sign popped out of thin air, flashed “eBay order for: Mint Condition White Bohrok (x2) sent”, and then disappeared again.

 

This finally caught the Kohrak-Kal’s attention. It- he- deactivated the mute field he had been using to torture the Turaga and started to advance on Kongu, who was bringing the defeated Kohrak-Va to tears. The Krana-Kal-Ja flew out of  his skull-cap, heading (literally) straight for the oblivious Kongu’s face.

 

A Rhotuka spinner flew out of nowhere, collided with- and absorbed- the Krana Ja in midair, and continued in its arc towards the Kohrak-Kal’s opened Krana holder and attached with a plop. The skull-cap closed up...

 

...and the Kohrak-Kal snapped to attention.

 

“So, are you going to... kill me?” a trembling Kongu hugged the Kohrak-Va before him as a last line of defense, waiting for his attacker to end his life.

 

The Kal shook his head. His strange anatomy made it a hard feat to accomplish, but the Bohrok-Kal were bred for such things. Kongu slipped forward to examine him as Keetongu, now free of the ice, made his way towards the ruins of the Turaga’s hut.

 

Kongu asked the Kohrak-Kal, “What will you do now?” All he got in response was his interrogatee (“That’s a word!” -Nuju; “SHUT UP!” -Onewa) raising a shield to the side of his head in an act symbolizing loyalty.

 

“So you’ll serve-follow our orders?” Awkward nod.

 

“Can you help fix-rebuild the hut?” Awkward nod.

 

“Can you quirk-dance like a Ga-Matoran scream-reacting to a baby Fikou?” Awkward nod followed (rather eagerly) by a mentally-scarring mechanical pantomime of a jig.

 

“Alrighty then.” he motioned to the Kohrak-Kal to stand beside him as Keetongu exited the rubble, caressing an unconscious Turaga Matau in his hands.

 

Kongu opened his mouth to speak, but Keetongu interrupted by saying, “Old Green look okay... mostly.”

 

“Oh, I just got Kapura’d! Anyway, this Kohrak-Kal here is under our control. Seems the Rhotuka spinner absorbed the Krana’s ability to take over someone, so now he only follows our or-” Kongu wasn’t able to finish talking because, just then, a quick little Ta-Matoran ran by, kicked him in the shins, and kept on running.

 

“Talk about spontaneous,” Kongu muttered, rubbing the empty space where his shins would’ve been, had he been a Metrutoran (or pretty much any type of Matoran other than the Mata Nui type).

 

“Kapura is pretty sensitive about people using his fad,” Matau said.

 

“Old Green awake!” Keetongu plopped the Turaga down on the earth.

 

“So, what did I miss?” Matau asked.

 

“We just had our first actual fight scene, Turaga. And no, Keetongu, that strange encounter with Ahkmou in the jungle didn’t count as a fight.”

 

“This... will count... as your second... and your... last...” said a stereotypical ominous voice from the shadows. Kongu, Keetongu, Matau and Kohrak-Kal turned to see an armed giant pointing his claws at the heroes.

 

“I’m too old to die,” Matau whimpered.

“And you’re gonna get a huge lot older,” Voporak grinned, activating his temporal forcefield.

 

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Aaaaaand Ep. 3 is up! Like always, tell me what you like and what you don't. I eagerly await your comments!

Edited by Gukko Lord

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KONGU AND KEETONGU

Episode 4 (Christmas Special)

by Aerixx

 

Keetongu felt Voporak’s power wash over him. First he felt numbed, and then everything turned back to normal. He turned his head to see Kongu with a similar expression, gaping. Voporak smugly grinned, hands crackling with energy. Their domesticated Kohrak-Kal simply stood, awaiting command from either of his masters.

 

“You! What do you want?” an old voice rasped. Turaga Matau started to make his way towards the giant. Keetongu started to run to try and stop the Turaga, but he was interrupted by what felt like a chill breeze. Only after he was blown off his feet by a snowstorm did he realize the hole in the dome-like forcefield surrounding our heroes.

 

Snow poured in through the hole, carried by powerful winds. Keetongu turned to see what his companions thought of it, but what he saw chilled him to the axle. Kongu, Matau, Kohrak-Kal and even Voporak stood encased in blocks of ice. Keetongu started to panic, and his worries grew even worse when he felt the chill breeze again. It passed under between his legs.

 

Keetongu scratched his head and headed towards his frozen friends. He only made a few steps when he was whisked out of the ruins of the hut. He scrambled to see, but the snow covered his one eye and he was left careening with no sense of direction.

 

When he landed, all he saw was ice. Snow and hail spun all around him.

 

“Where am I?” he asked, trying to regain a sense of direction.

 

A small voice answered him, “You’re in Ko-”

 

“Oh, I in Ko-Metru!” Keetongu exhaled. “I just Kapura you.” he regretted saying that almost immediately as rapid footsteps came into earshot. keetongu did all he could to protect his legs as Kapura ran by, fuming, and delivering an epic kick to Keetongu’s rather massive shins.

 

The voice decided to pipe up again. “No, you’re not in Ko-Metru. You are in the great Ko-Koro, capital of knowledge!”

 

“Ko-Koro? Ko-Metru? They both just lot of snow. There no difference.” Keetongu rubbed his shins, grimacing. For a Matoran, Kapura kicked so hard that his kicks could be compared to those of Pohatu, and that was definitely saying something.

 

When Keetongu had adjusted to all the snow, he turned to see an Akaku-wearing Matoran looking at him indignantly.

 

“I’m starting to have second thoughts about bringing you here...” Matoro shook his head, then started moving in the direction of... more snow.

 

Keetongu wearily followed him, looking around at his surroundings and still seeing nothing but white... that is until, after an hour of silence and happily observing how steam came out of what would've been his mouth when he talked, they neared a crest. Beyond it was a large crystal cavern- round, and yet spiky at the same time.

 

Matoro motioned to Keetongu to enter, and the latter did so. As he entered, he was appalled to see a huge, glossy interior filled with scrambling Ko-Matoran and Pahraks.

 

“Why Pahraks here?” Keetongu scratched his hat.

 

“Well, before I tell you that, you’ll need to know something more important. Where to start...” Matoro’s eyepiece shifted as he contemplated what to say. “When Voporak trapped you in the temporal forcefield, everything slowed down. Like, seconds for you were days for the outside world.”

 

“So how you know how awesome way we turn Bohrok into good?”

 

“A random migrating Gukko bird from Le-Koro was coincidentally passing by and told Turaga Nuju about how you turned that Kohrak-Kal into your ally. Well, we got to work! With a little help from an absorption Rhotuka - yes, that’s the one that smashed Kongu through the hut - that a Po-Matoran Kolhii dude Kopaka and Pohatu beat the Karz out of a bunch of attacking Panrahk. We had the Onu-Matoran cooks stir up some Naming Day cookies and-”

 

“Coookies?!” Keetongu clapped his hands in delight, looking over all the toiling (Not toilet, mind you. Toilets aren’t supposed to exist in the Bionicle universe.) Bohrok in a whole new way.

 

“Don’t even think about it. Onu-Matoran are horrible cooks.” Matoro chastised. “So yeah. We have all these Panrahk making toys to send to the good Matoran all over Mata Nui.”

 

He paused to let that sink in. “The reason I’ve brought you here is because, well, we usually have Toa Kaita Akamai be the one to bring the gifts in his magical sleigh, but with the recent and unexpected Bohrok attacks, the Toa that are supposed to form him are all over the place. Can you do it for all of Mata Nui this year?”

 

Keetongu tilted his head to the side, thinking over his options. “I do it, but you have give me real, good cookies. Not Onu-Cookies.”

 

Matoro blinked with relief. Actually, he quadruple-blinked, ‘cause that’s just how awesome an Akaku can make you. “Thank you so much! Thanks! The Matoran will be so happy! Also... hey, Kopeke! Do me a favor and go change the title of this comedy to ‘Matoro and Keetongu’!”

 

Kopeke was just about to oblige when the entrance to the cavern opened with a squeak and three Toa stepped in. Tahu, Pohatu and Onua in all their glory.

 

“We are here to bring the gifts to the Matoran!” they said in unison, before rather spontaneously falling to pieces and then reconstructing themselves into something vaguely humanoid. A few Panrahk subtly picked up all the leftover parts and wheeled them away. But you weren’t subtle enough, ya little buggers! Hah! I, the narrator, have noticed you! Oh, right, back to the story...

 

Keetongu stared at Akamai, all decked out in red garb and with an obviously fake beard. He wondered whether to run or hide. Matoro figured it out for him.

 

“Oh, okay then. See ya later, Keetongu. Sorry about the trouble!” and, with a puff of Naming Day magic, Keetongu was within the forcefield, a frozen Kongu looking at him.

 

“Uhh... what just happen?” Keetongu said, nearly avoiding a time blast from Voporak’s claws.

 

And so the battle rages on!

 

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Whoooof. Holiday stuff messing up my schedule. But mostly procrastination.  So, how do you like it?

Edited by Gukko Lord

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That was great! These stories are very entertaining keep up the good work, I'm looking forward to the next one! 


 
      

 

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That was great! These stories are very entertaining keep up the good work, I'm looking forward to the next one! 

Thanks so much! Always nice to have more followers, I won't disappoint!

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This story is awesome, and funny. I like how you just grab random characters and throw them into the story, I like that kind of thing (as long as you do it right, which you did).


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This story is awesome, and funny. I like how you just grab random characters and throw them into the story, I like that kind of thing (as long as you do it right, which you did).

Thank you for the praise. I'll be sure to do it right the next time! :D

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This story is awesome, and funny. I like how you just grab random characters and throw them into the story, I like that kind of thing (as long as you do it right, which you did).

Thank you for the praise. I'll be sure to do it right the next time! :D

 

Just keep doing what your doing.


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KONGU AND KEETONGU

Episode 5

by Aerixx

 

“Aw, why bad guy always unfreeze first?!” Keetongu angrily commented upon the plot of the comedy. Shaking his head, he broke into a sprint towards the frozen Kongu and rammed right into the ice block, shattering it with a powerful blow. As Kongu stood, gaping, Keetongu whipped around and headed for Matau and Kal.

 

Kongu ducked back from a stray blast of time energy. It flew over his head and instead hit a random Nui-Rama. The giant fly fell to the earth, spasming and quickly aging. The plastic parts that made up its body cracked and yellowed, as if they were victims of vigorous five-year-olds.

 

Keetongu waved his arms as he ran in circles, miraculously avoiding Voporak’s time attacks. Voporak’s apparent calm demeanor started to splinter as all his efforts were failing.

 

A good few hours passed by with the same results- none.

 

He let out an enraged screech and grabbed his two enemies in his plastic claws. Kongu and Keetongu were lucky that safety regulations had had those pieces dulled. Voporak grinned giddily at the sight of his victims, squirming helplessly in his grasp.

 

“Alrighty, then,” he brought Kongu and Keetongu crashing down into the earth, then letting go of their battered and beaten bodies. “I would’ve taken you out pathetically easily, but your pathetic desire to pathetically survive has made me choose to make your pathetic death slow... and pathetically infuriating.”

 

Then, leaning in close to Kongu, Voporak whispered, “Did that sound like Teridax? I want to sound just like daddy! Did it?!”

 

Kongu shuddered. “M-m-maybe y-y-you sh-sh-should’ve re-re-replaced in-in-infuriating w-w-with p-p-painful,” he whispered back in a cheap imitation of stammering.

 

After flashing a thankful glance to the Le-Matoran, Voporak leaned back, standing tall again, as if nothing had happened. “So, I will now destroy what you hold dearest... your pathetic elder’s pathetic hut!”

 

Turaga Matau growled, readying his Kau Kau Staff. But then he was easily swept aside by Voporak’s foot, knocked out again for the second time that day. Voporak chuckled and brought his powerful arm back, about to crush what remained of the hut’s first wall.

 

Kongu and his big yellow friend... no, not Big Bird. I mean Keetongu, dangit. Anyway, Kongu and Keetongu didn’t even gasp as the wall crumbled to dust from the impact of Voporak’s fist-claw. The next one was hit with a blast of concentrated time energy, disintegrating it instantly. The third fell from a flurry of blows that would make even Ackar jelly. (“The correct way to say it is jealous!” -Nuju; “haha u so jelly” -Matau; “ALL OF YOU SHUT UP FOR MATA NUI’S SAKE!” -Onewa)

 

Voporak looked over at his captives, sitting passively in the shade of a large tree, casually playing Stone, Scroll, Sword with each other. And failing, as they lacked fingers, but that’s unimportant.

 

“You pathetic scoundrels! Stop pathetically playing a pathetically ripped-off game and pathetically look over to what I am doing! I have already demolished one pathetic half of this pathetic hut, and the next wall to be crushed is the fourth!”

 

This got Kongu’s attention. He leaped up and started frantically waving his hands in front of Voporak.

 

“NO! Don’t do this! The Fourth Wall is the only thing that keeps this already fragile comedy running!”

 

Voporak a-ha’d. “A-ha! Finally I got you pathetic Matoran and Rahi to crack! Now I know your pathetic weakness!”

 

He placed his claw on the edge of the wall and pinched a small part off, and immediately generating a plot fail. I’m actually drinking lemonade while I’m typing this, y’know. It helps me focus, and to take my mind off of real life. Come to thi-

 

“Stop!” Kongu shrieked, interrupting my off-topic rambling. “Voporak, you depend on this wall too. Destroy it, and the entire comedy will be plunged into chaos.”

 

Voporak considered this for a moment.

 

“Very well, then. But you pathetic weakling can’t stop me from destroying the pathetic remains of this pathetic hut!” Voporak squealed with delight as he started ransacking the poor ruins.

 

Silently, Kongu leaned over to Keetongu. “I have plan... we wait until he’s about to say something, then we start talking.”

 

Keetongu nodded and waited for Voporak to finish. After the last stud had fallen from the sixth (and final) wall, Voporak turned around and started to say something. Just before he could,  however...

 

Kongu and Keetongu interrupted him and started talking about the upcoming Avohkii concert, describing in great detail how awesome it would be.

 

“Shut up!” Voporak screamed. “You pathetic fools just Kapura’d me, and I forgot what I was gonna say,”

 

Our heroes could already hear the tiny, but increasingly loud footsteps.

 

Kongu winked to Keetongu, then shouted to Voporak “I can’t hear you!” he pointed to Kohrak-Kal, who was innocently (and conveniently) generating a deafening field.

 

Voporak shook his head. “You people are pathetic. Anyway, I said, ‘You fools just KAPURA’D me!’”

 

The footsteps accelerated noticeably, and our heroes could only watch and cringe as Kapura kicked Voporak in the shins with the might of a thousand Toa. Voporak shattered into little plastic bits on impact, screaming until he was reduced to a pile of LEGO parts.

 

Keetongu saw a glint near the center of the pile.


“Langwajj... what this?”

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Questions? Comments? Also, thanks so much for all the support I'm getting!

Edited by Gukko Lord

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the cliff hanger! it burns!

Well, I guess you'll have to wait two more weeks before you can find out! :evilgrin:

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HAHAHAHHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHHHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH-

 

Ah. I believe I've broken my funny bone.


Profile picture done by Onaku.

:infected:

 

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HAHAHAHHA...HAHAHAHA-

 

Ah. I believe I've broken my funny bone.

WARNING: This comedy is very dangerous to those with weak funny bones. If you experience uncontrollable laughter when viewing this comedy, see your doctor immediately. And then keep reading this anyway. :P

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Vezon needs to make a comeback.

Oh, he will. The next episode calls on his acquired trans-dimensional powers, so he'll be quite a big part later on. Thanks for reading my story!

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KONGU AND KEETONGU

Episode 6

by Aerixx

 

 

Kongu turned to Keetongu’s voice, picking his way through the six-hundred forty-seven pieces Voporak had been composed of.

 

Keetongu lifted his find in the air, letting the sunlight flash over it. It looked like an oddly shaped cloud a crude rock carving a shape made of lava an awkwardly-shaped half-mask. It had holes on both sides as if some protodites had burrowed through it, and had a metallic luster comparable to that of the mask of light.

 

“Langwajj! You see this before?” Keetongu grunted, inspecting it carefully.

 

Kongu reached for it. “I dunno... it looks-appears kinda alike-similar to-”

 

He was interrupted by Turaga Matau, who was now sporting a comically big lump that defied physics to somehow emerge from his mask. “What you hold-grasp in your hands is the Vahi, Legendary Mask of Time!”

 

Kongu, Keetongu, and Kohrak-Kal (“Alliteration!” -Nokama, “Shut up!” -Onewa) let out a collective gasp. Only after Matau looked them in the eyes did he realize they weren’t paying any attention to him whatsoever.

 

“Why aren’t you listen-hearing me?!” he shouted at them, waving his hand before their faces.

 

Kongu wordlessly pointed to the distance, where a brightly colored machine was driving away from them. Poor Matau could barely make out a large, glowing Avohkii printed on its back.

 

“People! That is not important! We must focus on the task at hand!” but Kongu was already running in a valiant - but ultimately futile - effort to catch the machine. He came back, groaning and huffing.

 

“I... I got close enough... to read the thing... the next location the tour is... going to is... in another dimension...” Kongu was so winded that the author was too lazy to add in Treespeak he wasn’t even able to Treespeak. “The only way we can get to his concert is through interdimensional travel!”

 

“Wait second...” Keetongu grunted. “Dimension... like weird guy with big face?”

 

Kongu’s eyes alit. “Vezon! Yeah! Hey... maybe we could use his powers? Like, lure him in somehow and ask his help? Do you know the types of things he likes?”

 

“I think he like plot devices. How about coincidental appearance?” Keetongu pressed a button on a hidden but ever-present plot device control panel and suddenly a portal opened and Vezon wiggled out.

 

“Whoa! How’d you do that?!” Kongu exclaimed, scrambling to pick his jaw up off the earth.

 

“I do nothing. Just funny coincidence.” he picked up the speechless Vezon and smacked him upside the face a few times so that the Olmak un-fused itself from him and fell into the grass.

 

“You... no! How am I supposed to dimension-hop? Besides my flying carpet made of mozzarella cheese, of course. I-” he was shut up when an angry Matau stuffed the Vahi crudely onto his face.

 

Kongu picked up the Olmak and nodded to Keetongu. “We ready-” he was cut off as another Keetongu stepped to stand by the original.

 

“Why are there two of you?” he saw Kohrak-Kal running away with the rest Voporak’s parts in a huge knapsack. “Get back here!” but it was already too late.

 

“I demand compensation!” Vezon yelled, managing to loosen the Vahi for a second. Suddenly, a Lightstone appeared above one of the Keetongu’s head. He ran up to the beginning of this topic, where he saw Kopeke was attempting to change the comedy’s name to ‘Matoro and Keetongu’. After tossing the Ko-Matoran back into the Christmas Special, he grabbed the Kualsi from his former self and dashed back down to this episode.

 

The other Keetongu could only gasp as the Kualsi was shoved onto his face (or whatever you call it). He was even more surprised as his doppelganger lifted him in the air and chucked him at Vezon, the two of them tumbling into the still-active portal.

 

Kongu, who had just donned the Olmak, sealed the portal and looked up at Keetongu. “What was that for?”

 

Keetongu simply lifted up two pieces of rope he had made into a knot. “Just tying up loose ends.”

 

Kongu nodded. “Seems legit.” Then he looked over to Turaga Matau, who was currently trying to resuscitate the fallen Nui-Rama. “We’ll be leaving now, I guess.”

 

Matau randomly hissed at Kongu, then turned back to tending to the injured Nui-Rama, who was looking at his new friend with big, cute eyes.

 

“Welllll, that was weird...” Kongu glanced up at Keetongu, preparing to open a portal.

 

“I think author read too much Ghidora Stories,” Keetongu replied matter-of-factly. He started to say something else, but his words were drowned out by a sudden explosion of light and sound as Kongu activated a portal, and then all he saw was white.

 

“Why so much white? Is we in Ko-Metru?” Keetongu asked, trying to stand up, but then he noticed the ghastly expression on Kongu’s face... wait, are you trying to tell me that that was impossible as Kongu’s currently wearing two layers of mask? Dude, this is Bionicle. Logic doesn’t matter.

 

“Keetongu... I don’t think we’re on Mata Nui anymore...”

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So... this is Episode 6... yeah. Not much in terms of plot here, but it was necessary to prepare for the next (mis)adventure.

Edited by Gukko Lord

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Another cliffhanger!? Your gonna make us wait again?! Oh well, it's worth waiting for. Besides, I have distractions.

 

(From my brother) Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!!!


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Another cliffhanger!? Your gonna make us wait again?! Oh well, it's worth waiting for. Besides, I have distractions.

 

(From my brother) Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!!!

Well, cliffhangers are fun to do. In all honesty, this was more of a preparation episode for the crazy shenanigans to come. Thanks for the praise! :D

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Shenanigans, that's something to look forward to.


Kopaka.png

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This is seriously one of the best things i've read in a looooong time! Keep up the good work Gukko Lord!  :D

Thanks so much for the support!

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#upvote

 

Great job! This is glorious!


"Remember when the comics forum had a lot of good stuff? Let's make that a thing again." -Kazi the Matoran

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#upvote

 

Great job! This is glorious!

Woo! Thanks lots! And congrats on your Premier Membership!  :winner:

Edited by Gukko Lord

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