The End of Hero Factory

[Dallior]

THE END OF HERO FACTORY:

HOW HF WAS TAKEN DOWN WITH IT'S EXCESSIVE PLOTHOLES

 

CHAPTER 1

After the events in Antropolis City, the Alpha Team was unloading the Hero Pod that had taken them back to Makuhero City. One worker, who wasn't the brightest bulb, saw an organic capsule and brought it inside the Hero Factory to the gear storage center, thinking it the Hero Factory's new "go-green" approach to gear kits. "Gah, we just can't get eco-safe enough." He threw it into the storage center, not knowing that it was secretly a hidden cocoon from the aliens... and that it had twins.

 

Meanwhile, in an undisclosed location, a hidden baddie hid in darkness, with only an OP computer to give him light. He felt like he should laugh maniacally, but that would be a waste of energy. He brought up the files of Hero Factory once more. He finally, after what felt like a year, plugged the computer into the state-of-the-art 3D printer, capable of replicating things up to the size of the Borg Kalifa, the largest building in the galaxy. That would be more than enough size to create the Hero Factory building assembly... and build an army of Quaza-powered villains. How would he get the Quaza? Why, he had Quaza coming out of his ears! He was evil, dangerous, and had a grudge after being created as a set but never being included into the movie. His name... was CORE HUNTER.

 

Back in the original HF, the team was finishing helping Stormer to clean the cocoon goo off of his armor. "Ugh. Thanks, guys." Stormer said in his completely new accent that he had never had before the events of Invasion from Below. "No problem, Stormer!" Surge said in an all-new Australian accent. "That's what friends do!" Suddenly, two giant tunneler beasts erupted from the gear storage center. "How did they get here?!" Breez asked. "Hello! I can help..." Breez started saying to the beasts, but they just picked her up, ate her, and spit out her Quaza core. "Breeeeeeeeeeeeez!!!" a nearby Nex shouted. He ran to the beast, trying to rescue the girl that he admitted his feelings about on Quatros, only to be stepped on. "Come on, heroes!" Evo shouted. "We need battle machines!" But there were no battle machines, or any defences at all whatsoever inside the Factory since Mr. Makhuro had thought that no one would be so stupid that they would try to bust into HF. "Curse that Mr. Makhuro!" Rocka shouted, only to be shut down remotely by the remote angst-towards-Makhuro-tracker. When the heroes, who appeared to be the only ones inside the factory, or at least the only ones who mattered, thought this couldn't get any worse, it did.

 

TO BE CONTINUED...

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I believe this belongs in the Comedy Forum.

 

But anyways, this is an interesting first chapter to your epic. I will admit that I don't know anything about the HF storyline, so any plotholes you use here in you story will probably go over my head. That being said, I did chuckle at the line where it is said that Mr. Makhruo didn't have any defences whatsoever. 

 

I did see some grammar mistakes, and they are:

 

 

One worker, who wasn't the brightest bulb, saw an organic capsule and brought it inside the Hero Factory to the gear storage center, thinking it the Hero Factory's new "go-green" approach to gear kits. 

I believe the bolded part would be better as 'thinking it was the Hero Factory's' and so forth.

 

 

 

Meanwhile, in an undisclosed location, a hidden baddie hid in darkness, with only an OP computer to give him light.

I don't think you need to use both 'hidden' and 'hid' here in this sentence. It makes it sound repetitive. You could say instead 'a mysterious baddie was hidden in darkness' or something like that.

 

 

 

He finally, after what felt like a year,

I believe this should be 'Finally, after what felt like a year, he plugged his cord' and so forth.

 

Also, I think that you should start a new paragraph each time someone speaks a line of dialogue. The first two here are fine since they focus on one person each, but the third could be paragraphed better. If you separate them per speaker, it would make it easier to understand for the reader. That's just my opinion on this though.

 

Overall, I think this is a neat start for your comedy. Again, I don't know anything about HF, so I probably didn't get as much out of this as I would if I knew the story. But I still think this is a good start for your story.

[Dallior]

Yeah, thanks for the grammar edits again. About the repitition of "darkness", I was going to repeat it even more for humor, but it just ended up looking stupid.  This is all making fun of how there are always plotholes in the end of HF movies. ALWAYS.

Edited November 14, 2014 by Dallior08

[Dallior]

CHAPTER TWO:

THE END OF A LEGO THEME

 

Where was I? Oh, yes. The heroes, in the midst of a losing battle with two Tunneler Beasts, were hopelessly outnumbered and needing reinforcements. Suddenly, a group of enemies burst through the glass facade of the Factory (seriously, why glass?) and tumbled gracefully to the floor. They looked like the most dangerous villians HF had fought - Von Nebula, Witch Doctor, Fire Lord, Black Phantom - but with one crucial difference. They had Quaza cores. 

 

"Who... who are these guys?" Bulk asked. "And why do they have cores?!"

"Because, you foolish heroes, I made them." A sinister Russian-accented voice came from outside. "I, Core Hunter! Muahah..."

"Excuse me, who are you?" Furno shouted. All of the heroes were equally confused

"Core Hunter? You know?" They didn't know. "Gah, curse TLG for making me a set but never bothering to make me canon!!"

"Um, who's TLG?" One of the heroes asked, not realizing that Core Hunter was breaking the fourth wall. 

"No matter!" Core Hunter Russianly spat. (Yes, I just said "Russianly". Deal with it.) "Attack, Villians!"

 

At once, all of the villians attacked. The heroes were mowed down helplessly, with their precious CCBS frames coming apart instantly. The villians, however, had no such quarrels, as they were over-expensive Titan sets that could never be broken! The last remaining hero was Furno, who asked the narrator,

"Where are the other hundreds of heroes?" Well, the narrator responded, if they never got canonical appearances, they get no appearances here. 

"Also, I just manually shut-down all of the heroes. Including Furno." New-Witch Doctor said. But, how???!?! "There's a button here for everything!" Witch Doctor said. 

"What about this one?" Fire Lord asked as he pushed a big red button. "No, you fool!!!!!" Core Hunter said. But it was too late. The hall was filled... with disco lights and the 60's revival station. "Party time!" Von Nebula yelled as he shook his groove thang. 

 

And so, the villians triumphed. Hero Factory was shut down, Core Hunter harvested all of the Hero Cores across the galaxy to make more villians in the VILLAIN FACTORY he had assembled between after the Breakout episode and just now, and all the galaxy wallowed in the glorious cesspool that was CoreHunterTopia.

 

THE END

 

 

 

 

 

BUT WAIT! Atop the metaphorical hill, a golden light shone. The light blinded all who looked upon its glory, and soon the light subsided. It was the glory of the BIONICLE HYPE TRAIN, here to free all Biofans from the terrors of Hero Factory. Upon it rode all the loving fans and Bionicles alike, who used the powers of fan pressure to destroy the horrible plots and crappiness of Hero Factory once and for all, and created a new empire, a regime that would come to pass in the beginning of 2015... the fabled reboot. But that's another story.

[-Windrider-]

Moving to Comedies.

[Dallior]

Wait, what's this? It appears to be:

 

THE EPILOGUE

 

A few hours after the Hero Factory was destroyed, a door opened. Out came Mr. Makhuro, asking all around, "Hello? Anyone? Ugh, where are those heroes when you need them. Zib?" As Mr. Makhuro left the camera shot, a spider walks onto the screen... a skull spider. dun DUH DUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!1!11!!!one!!1!

[Ghidora131]

Gee, you're pretty good at coming up with scenes. I may have a job for you.

[Zeb]

Ummm... Core Hunter IS canon. He appears in the books Greg Farshtey wrote. He also got shrunk to a size smaller than a stud in those books. Also, technically the villains should have anti-quaza cores.

 

Rest in pieces, HF.   Thank you for keeping Constraction alive while Bionicle was gone.

[Dallior]

Gee, you're pretty good at coming up with scenes. I may have a job for you.

Yayz! What do you have in mind?

 

Ummm... Core Hunter IS canon. 

Oh... ooh... (>O.O)> Sorry about that burst of non-canon.

[Ghidora131]

Well, it's got something to do with my Ask Vezon series. If you're interested, PM me.

[user-402520536]

Evo: We need battle machines!

 

Tunneler Beast: LOL nope. 

 

Evo:  

 

I LOVE THOSE LINES

Edited December 1, 2014 by Gukko Lord

[Toa Malachives]

 

Gee, you're pretty good at coming up with scenes. I may have a job for you.

 

Yayz! What do you have in mind?

 

Ummm... Core Hunter IS canon.

 

Oh... ooh... (>O.O)> Sorry about that burst of non-canon.

Lol still hilarious.

[Dallior]

 

 

Gee, you're pretty good at coming up with scenes. I may have a job for you.

Yayz! What do you have in mind?

 

Ummm... Core Hunter IS canon.

Oh... ooh... (>O.O)> Sorry about that burst of non-canon.

Lol still hilarious.

 

Because who needs canon to be funny? *is slapped across face by Greg Farshtey* 

[UnderscoreChronix]

That was great.

[Mr. Cup of Fail]

This is a amazing story, I love that it had all the problems about Hero Factory

It would been really funny if you added something like, Evo ran to build Battle Machine but he was just way too slow to get done building his machine. To bring up the problem that the Heroes was building there Machine and not one Beast ran to them and destroy everything and how slow Evo build his Battle Machine.

Edited December 2, 2014 by ShadowWolfHount