A Rahi Reminisces.

[Pohatu: Uniter of Stone]

I saw some members over in my The Evil Maha topic asking for a fanfic about the titular Maha, and here it is. Before you read, I must warn you: I had no idea what I was going to write. I just wrote what came to mind, so don't be expecting a GSR-quality short story. 

 

 

 

 

The small white and gray creature stared out over the ocean. He sighed, thinking about how his life had ended up this way. It all started when he was first created by the Makuta. He was supposed to be one of the millions of Maha, with no real destiny.

 

Something went wrong in his creation however… he was born with sentience, flight, super strength and speed. Within seconds, he had annihilated the rest of the herd using only his horns. He adopted the title “The Evil Maha” as he roamed from island to island, wreaking havoc upon the Rahi living there. The Makuta each thought that he had been created to do this, and thought little of him. The Evil Maha trained long and hard to develop the power to shoot lasers from his front horn. Years went by, and he taught himself many devastating techniques. The Triforce Zero Laser was one of them. In this technique, he formed a Triforce shape between his horns and blasted a Zero Laser out of it. The creature smiled. Those were the days of freedom- when he was free to roam and kill, and teach himself new tactics.

 

By the time the Makuta found out that he was a rogue Rahi, it was too late. A fleet of fifty Makuta landed on the island that he had been sighted on last. The Makuta warily searched for him, avoiding the army of Zyglak that called this island their home. Three weeks later, they hadn’t found him. The fifty Makuta returned to their ship, scared of how Miserix would treat their failure at such a simple, stupid task. But there was a bigger problem- their ship was gone, and all of the Zyglak on the island had gathered at the dock to ambush them. 

 

The Makuta were surrounded. One of the Zyglak yelled at the air, “SHOW YOURSELF!” Puzzled, the Makuta looked around to make sure no one was using chameleon or illusion powers. Suddenly, the ground began to shake. The Zyglak and Makuta all moved back and formed a large circle around the pulsating earth. An sizzling laser erupted from the soil and the googly-eyed menace flew out cloaked in blue flames. He landed in the center (but not the exact center because then he’d be in the hole) and smirked to the astonished onlookers, “Catch me if you can!” and he flew off toward the center of the island. It was fifty overpowered creatures of shadow teamed up with a countless number of destructive beasts against one goofy-looking Rahi.

 

What happened next only The Evil Maha knew. A smile crossed his face as he reminisced about the battle. The first Makuta had attempted to use his shadow hand. TEM merely grabbed the hand in his mouth and reeled it in so fast that the Makuta attached to it shattered into metal shards. A bolt of chain lightning flew towards him, and he caught it between his horns. It grew more powerful as it bounced between them, and he fired it over his front horn to amplify the strike. He couldn’t recall whether he took out ninety or eighty Zylglak with it.

 

The battle grew faster paced after that, with TEM dashing back and forth faster than the Makuta could dodge, and beating them up with such grace it seemed like he wasn’t even trying. A single Triforce Zero Laser took care of all the unconscious Makuta, ripping them apart into atoms. Five minutes later, after much dashing and stabbing, TEM stood victorious. No bodies remained of his victims, and he decided he needed for destruction that day. He flew up to the top of the dome and dived down, splitting the island apart and making it crumble into the sea. Two islands later, The Order of Mata Nui finally found out about him. They prepared themselves for the fight, and managed to capture the rogue Rahi. 

 

TEM was whisked back to the real world as he felt a shield jab into his back and a powerful female voice ask, “Are you ever going to give up? You are coming with us back to prison… again.” TEM frowned. They’d found him again. But it wouldn’t be that simple. He’d fight, like usual. He charged up a laser and charged himself at the Order of Mata Nui team sent to capture him. An epic fight would surely follow, but that would just be a small setback for his world domination plans.

 

Questions, comments and reviews please!

Edited December 8, 2014 by Pohatu: Master of Stone

[user-402520536]

Great job! For something done in half an hour, this is very high-quality. It flows perfectly, has no plot holes, and of course your grammar is stunning. There were only two things I didn't quite get: 

No bodies remained of his victims, and he decided he needed for destruction that day.

Not sure what this means, and

He charged up a laser and charged himself at the Order of Mata Nui team sent to capture him.

"Charge" here is a bit repetitive.

But I'm just being nitpicky- besides that, the story itself is great and definitely deserves a 10 out of 10.

[Kovsorr the Collectinator]

YES!

 

Now I want to see what would happen if Teridax, Tren Krom, the Shadowed One and Mata Nui teamed up to take this goat down!

[Pohatu: Uniter of Stone]

YES!

 

Now I want to see what would happen if Teridax, Tren Krom, the Shadowed One and Mata Nui teamed up to take this goat down!

Well, he'd get taken down but still end up killing at least one of them in the fight. The Evil Maha has his speed and overpowered attacks, but he's just as durable as a normal Maha.

[fishers64]

For some reason, when I saw the topic title I was expecting something like Krahka or Keetongu's thoughts. Not...this. 
 
Still, it manages to be somewhat funny. A maha taking down fifty Makuta? Please. The way he does it? Lol. 
 
I nitpick: 
 

Five minutes later, after much dashing and stabbing, TEM stood victorious. No bodies remained of his victims, and he decided he needed for destruction that day.

 
Not sure what this means. I think you meant to say that "and he decided he needed for more destruction that day".

 

The time break at the end feels a little awkward, but that's in keeping with the inherent silliness of this piece. 

 

Lastly, paragraph breaks. Everything being all blended together makes it harder to read.

[Pohatu: Uniter of Stone]

For some reason, when I saw the topic title I was expecting something like Krahka or Keetongu's thoughts. Not...this. 

 

Still, it manages to be somewhat funny. A maha taking down fifty Makuta? Please. The way he does it? Lol. 

 

I nitpick: 

 

Five minutes later, after much dashing and stabbing, TEM stood victorious. No bodies remained of his victims, and he decided he needed for destruction that day.

 

Not sure what this means. I think you meant to say that "and he decided he needed for more destruction that day".

 

The time break at the end feels a little awkward, but that's in keeping with the inherent silliness of this piece. 

 

Lastly, paragraph breaks. Everything being all blended together makes it harder to read.

1. Yes, I know that part makes no sense. I don't even remember what I was trying to say.

 

I'll edit it with paragraph breaks soon.

 

Thanks!