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Azad and Namtar (BFTGM) Feedback


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Well, here it is everybody! It's finally complete! Azad the Usurper and his ferocious insectoid steed, Namtar the Destroyer!


 


Here's the official feedback topic! I was gonna put this up before I entered him in the contest to get feedback ahead of time, but I was to lazy to. :P Here's the pics, as well as facts, such as equipment and powers, and backstory. Tell me what ya'll think!


 


Main Pic: http://i.imgur.com/B8YGJje.jpg?1


 


Just Azad: http://i.imgur.com/XCC0ia6.jpg


 


Azad Without Weapons: http://i.imgur.com/P1Yf0Va.jpg?1


 


Just Namtar: http://i.imgur.com/l0SXJzV.jpg


 


Namtar's Wings: http://i.imgur.com/r8Fx2j6.jpg?1


 


Goals: To find the rarest and most powerful masks and use them to conquer all peoples.


 


Titles: Azad calls himself "The Great Mask Hunter," while others call him "Azad the Usurper." Namtar is always associated with Azad in folklore and legends, and is known as "Namtar the Destroyer"


 


Azad's Powers/Tools/Weapons/Mask: The Power of Magnetism, The Power of Psionics, Electro-Blade, The Shield of Masks, The Great Mask of Storms (and the many rare Great Masks he keeps on the Shield of Masks.)


 


Namtar's Abilities: Plasma Spit, Super Jump, Sonic Slash, the ability to break an opponent's concentration


 


Status: Traveling the world, hunting rare Masks (duh)


 


Summary: Azad travels the world searching for rare masks to add to his collection, which he keeps on the Shield of Masks, and rides atop Namtar, a giant mantis-like creature with the power to outrun, out-swim, and out-hunt any creature in existence, commonly referred to by Azad as "The Ultimate Creature." Azad also wields the power of Magnetism, which he channels through his Electro-Blade, has weak Psychic abilities, and wields the Great Mask of Storms, a rare, ill-gotten Mask which gives him the power to control the weather at will. Namtar is extremely fast, can "skit" across vast bodies of water, and can use use his large wings and strong hind-legs to Super Jump, his signature move, allowing him to travel large distances in relatively short amounts of time. This makes him ideal for Azad's "hobby." Namtar is also extremely proficient in combat, having three long and sharp claws on each foot, including his front feet, which he uses more like hands, and having the ability to spit hot plasma from his mouth. He also has a stinger on the back of his abdomen complete with a strong paralyzing poison capable of stunning a Toa cold for twenty-four hours, but he rarely ever uses it, instead preferring to use his immense speed and front claws to shred opponents, or his strong hind-claws, which he can use to grasp and lift even creatures larger than himself.


 


Backstory Summary: Long ago, on an undisclosed island, Azad and his brother, Murdak, were the guardians of the City of Asdin, a city built almost entirely of solid electrum. Azad, who was known then as Gilzak, wielded the Power of Magnetism, while Murdak wielded the Power of Psionics. Gilzak was responsible for the study of biology, which he intended to use to improve the conditions of the island's inhabitants. Murdak was a mechanic responsible for inventing and developing machines to assist in the inhabitant's daily lives. It was decided by Anzar, the ruler of the City of Asdin, that whichever of the brothers could improve the lives of the inhabitants of the City and the island as a whole more than the other would be given the Treasure of Asdin, The Mask of Storms. Gilzak wanted the mask desperately, but the study of biology proved tedious and it took a while to find something of use through it, whereas the machines Murdak built were easy and simple to construct, yet surprisingly innovative. Murdak constructed advanced machines of unparalleled usefulness, such as massive stone railways that connected portions of the City, large robotic tanks that tilled and harvested fields, and mechanical elevators that lifted anything or anyone to the top of one the many tall electrum towers built throughout the city. In the end, all that Gilzak made were the Zin, a short, yet strong race of reptilian creatures designed to serve the islands inhabitants unquestioningly. Of course, Murdak won the mask, which he took enthusiastically. Gilzak wouldn't stand for it though. He went to Anzar and pleaded to him, saying the Zin could do anything that Murdak's machines could, but Anzar said it wasn't the brothers' abilities he was testing; it was their hearts. Then, in a fit of rage, Gilzak killed Anzar. After he killed him, he was terrified of what his brother would do if ever he found out, so he used his vast knowledge of biology to build a clone of Anzar. The clone, however, was not like the real Anzar; It was just a puppet Gilzak used to control the city, and the first thing he did was order his puppet to take the Mask of Storms from Murdak and give it to him.


            Murdak was reluctant at first, but he trusted the greater wisdom of Anzar and gave the mask to his brother. But the mask wasn't enough for Gilzak. He decided he wanted all masks. It was then that he began on his greatest creation. He took one of the small, mantis-like creatures that were common on the island and spliced it's genes, combining traits from various powerful monsters he had studied, in order to create "The Ultimate Creature." He put a biological "switch" in it's brain, the same "switch" he had put in Anzar's clone and in the Zin, so that it would only listen to him. But by this time, Murdak had discovered the murder of Anzar and Gilzak's schemes, and went to his laboratory with a band of soldiers to confront him. Gilzak was at his workbench when Murdak came down the stairs with his soldiers. Gilzak turned to face him.


            "Well hello there, beloved brother!" he said in an insane voice; by this time Gilzak had become mad with his schemes.


            "Don't make this harder than it needs to be," said Murdak. "By this time, I'd say the term "brother" is in question. Just come with us. You have my word you will not be harmed if you step forward with your hands in front of you."


            "Hah!" Gilzak cackled sarcastically. "You really think those chains can hold me? I could tear out of those in my sleep. Just a small magnetic field powerful enough is all it would take..."


            "I never would've expected you to try... why didn't you just tell me what happened with Anzar? I'm sure we could have worked something out. I would've forgiven you."


            "Hah! HAha! AHAHAHAHAHAHAA!" Now Gilzak's laughter sounded more maniacal than ever. "Do you honestly expect me to believe that? You are far more naive than I first perceived. You would've had me executed and you KNOW IT!! And of course you could expect me to stay in those bonds if I let you put them on me willingly. But do youexpect me to just let you? Hah! Never has any Guardian of Asdin ever been so stupid!" This last remark gave Murdak a look of surprise, like he thought he knew his brother, but suddenly realized he didn't at all.


            "Enough nonsense! Just step forward and end this now! Don't make me use force! Never should a Guardian of Asdin have to turn his power on his own brother."


            "You think you can so easily intimidate ME?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! This is TRULY amusing! You are powerless against me! ... I suggest you surrender now." Suddenly, Gilzak waved his arm downward, and an iron lever hanging on the wall moved down with it. Murdak started as if he expected a bolt of energy to come flying at him, but was surprised when nothing readily apparent happened.


            "What happened?" said Murdak, still bewildered.


            "Oh... Nothing TOO serious... I just... turned all the Zin in the City over to MY control!"


            "What!? But how?!"


            "Through a basic telepathic link. It's actually quite simple. I developed it by studying YOUR brain. Don't believe me?" Right as he said this, a squad of Zin entered through the stairs and surrounded Murdak and his squad. Murdak at first looked astonished. Then he gathered himself and used his Psychic power to freeze the neurons of the Zin, paralyzing them.


            "Now it's time, brother. No more of this! Just come with me now and you'll be shown mercy!" said Murdak.


            Gilzak just stared at him ruefully. Some time passed as the two brothers just stared into each other's eyes, not saying anything. Then, just as Murdak made to say something, the entire lab began to shake. Gilzak laughed and said, "It is time! Hah! I win! Behold my ULTIMATE CREATION!!" A large, mantis-like creature suddenly burst out of a large tank behind Gilzak. The creature quickly approached Gilzak. Murdak made to pull him out of the creatures wake, but stopped short when the creature crouched with it's head bowed and Gilzak mounted it. "Behold the Ultimate Creature! Behold Namtar!! Now I am UNSTOPPABLE!! MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!"


             "What is this madness!?" said Murdak as he realized his Psychic power had no effect on Namtar.


             "Hah! Remember: I know how that powerful brain of yours works. I'll save you the disappointment: there isn't any way you can stop me!" As he finished speaking, Namtar swung it's arm and flung Murdak against the wall, breaking his concentration. The squad of Zin then unfroze and began to fire their weapons at the soldiers. The soldiers were quickly defeated. "Do you surrender now?" said Gilzak. "Perhaps this will convince you of your defeat...."


             As he spoke, another squad of Zin entered the lab bringing with them several unarmed civilians. They all looked terrified. The Zin pointed their weapons at them. "NO!!" cried Murdak, now beginning to realize his mistake. He stretched his arm out to freeze the Zin, but nothing happened. " ...How?"


             "Well... I guess you din't hear me when I said I know how your brain works. Let me rephrase that: Namtar suppresses your power! Your totally helpless!"


             Murdak soon surrendered and was imprisoned in a living cage, where he was studied by his own brother until his escape five years later. By that time, Gilzak had taken control of the City of Asdin and the whole island using the force of his Zin army, and not to mention Namtar. Now that the island was his, the next stage of his plan could be acted out. He had studied the Great Masks during his earlier years, which is what originally kindled his desire for the Mask of Storms. But the Mask of Storms was a trivial prize to him; he had much higher goals: Legendary Masks such as the Mask of Time and the Mask of Creation were what he really desired. This is why he created Namtar: to assist in traveling the world in search of all rare Masks of Power, and to provide the brute force necessary to gain them. Unfortunately, something occurred that he had not planned. His brother had escaped. If his brother found him, he perceived that Murdak would seek revenge or justice. He knew his brother would feel responsible for the chaos he would cause. His whole plan could be ruined if his brother found him, even with Namtar's power at his command. So, to prevent his brother from finding him, he spliced his own genes and altered his own figure. He was now taller, stronger, more agile, and, to be safe from his brother, he also gave himself the Power of Psionics. Giving himself that power didn't prove too difficult after years of studying his brother. Last of all, he changed his name to Azad. He then left the island in charge of his Zin minions, and began his hunt for the Masks of Power, which he would use in addition to his vast armies and the raw power of Namtar to conquer all peoples. He is said to be roaming the world to this very day, still seeking rare Masks to add to his Shield of Masks. What became of his brother Murdak none can say.


 


My main concerns are the color scheme balancing as well as some bare-ish looking places mostly on Namtar, But what do ya'll think?


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MetaKnight.gif  Stay vigilant, my friends. MetaKnight.gif

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I love this! It really stood out to me when you posted it, and has inspired me to build a steed-rider as well. :) 

 

Azad is cool, I like his weapon/shield, and he looks a little gangling, which is neat. I also think you pulled off his color scheme well; he has a fair amount of gunmetal, but enough black to outline it all.

 

Namtar is awesome! It's great that he doesn't conform to any traditional body type, as far as I can tell; he seems totally unique. His bug face is cool, I especially like the huge red eyes and antennae. He kind of reminds me of a Silt Strider from Morrowind.

 

My only complaint is that Namtar is a little bit unfocused. When I first saw the image I wasn't exactly sure what I was looking at, and it took a moment to work out the face, wings, etc. Aside from that I really like this, and although I only skimmed the story, the concept sounds interesting - reminds me of the 2001 mask collecting, while also being significantly different. Collecting the masks here seems like less of a quest, and more of an adventure.

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I love this! It really stood out to me when you posted it, and has inspired me to build a steed-rider as well. :)

 

Azad is cool, I like his weapon/shield, and he looks a little gangling, which is neat. I also think you pulled off his color scheme well; he has a fair amount of gunmetal, but enough black to outline it all.

 

Namtar is awesome! It's great that he doesn't conform to any traditional body type, as far as I can tell; he seems totally unique. His bug face is cool, I especially like the huge red eyes and antennae. He kind of reminds me of a Silt Strider from Morrowind.

 

My only complaint is that Namtar is a little bit unfocused. When I first saw the image I wasn't exactly sure what I was looking at, and it took a moment to work out the face, wings, etc. Aside from that I really like this, and although I only skimmed the story, the concept sounds interesting - reminds me of the 2001 mask collecting, while also being significantly different. Collecting the masks here seems like less of a quest, and more of an adventure.

 

Thx! It's good to know I did good on the color scheme, which was my main concern. I wasn't really concerned about the photography at all though. Looks like I got my anxieties mixed up! :P

 

Looking at the main photo now, I see your point. It's a shame I can't retake it.  :camera:  :headbonk:

MetaKnight.gif  Stay vigilant, my friends. MetaKnight.gif

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