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Sergei Rahkmaninoff

The Piraka Dine At McDonalds (A Comedic Poem)

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The Piraka Dine At McDonalds

A Comedic Poem

mcdonalds_piraka_2.jpg

 

 

In a land quite far from home

A villainous group of six did roam

Diverted from their destination

They pursued without hesitation

A meal, not a mask, no impossible task.

Or so they had hoped, as they helplessly groped

In their pockets – they had none – for money unknown.

 

Zaktan, the leader, had pointed with certainty

To one double gateway of golden variety

Held from the ground by a long metal pole

To from the surrounding area call

The hungry to feast for a menial price

On food that was only debateably nice.

 

They entered the restaurant, growling within

Their stomachs. They hardly knew where to begin.

Reidak went first, for his hunger was greatest

He ordered a double with cheese, and a side

Of a salad, to boost his nutrition.

And Hakann knew that it was his fate (est?)

To order a double with peppers inside

Withstand the burn, strengthen his pride.

 

And Vezok stepped up to the counter to choose

A Fillet-Of-Fish, with which no one could lose.

Avak, enthralled with the thought of a toy

Ordered a meal for an 8-year-old boy.

Thok a cold wrap, and Iced Mocha drink

(Inside, he was beginning to think

Of betraying his leader and going away

To Wendy's, which he would prefer any day.)

 

Carefully Zaktan chose one breakfast meal

Announcing that he would devour with zeal

His glorious biscuit of sausage and egg

(Daring his underlings challenge his choice)

But, as said above, the group had not the dregs

Of a salary decent with which they could pay

For this meal they had spent choosing

Most of the day.

 

Alas, they all cried! And some aspect inside

Each, at the thought of the loss, quickly died.

What foolish land they had wandered into

Where you needed green paper to pay for your food!

There was growling and screaming and gnashing of teeth

Until – thank the spirit! - one old lady took pity

And bought them their food, for she said

Zaktan (vaguely) reminded her of her dead kitty.

 

At this Zaktan bristled (his comrades just laughed)

But they had acquired their lunch at last

So they swallowed their pride and a table selected

Then, for a moment, sceptically inspected.

It was just slightly damp, and preferring one clean

A different seating location they detected.

Down they sat, and prepared to dig in

At last, their meal time could begin!

 

But from nowhere a vortextious portal appeared

(Is vortextious a word? Well, I'll still use it here.)

From it, a Skakdi of silver emerged

With no spine to his name, but to his face merged

An Olmak – twas Vezon! He chuckled and said,

“I hope you don't mind. I am hungry, you see.”

He reached out with swiftness and swept up the trays

Of the meals the Piraka had chosen so carefully.

 

Then he arrived in a new time and place

In a realm ruled by a giant face

With gears behind forehead, it watched its domain

As the visitors steadily streaming in came

To the Comedies forum, in which they all read

Of the hamburger-thief, with name of Vezon.

And realizing he was still watched from above,

He turned his face upwards, eyes met yours, and said,

“Now comment, dear reader. This poem is done.”

 

 

     So, this is my first comedy here. I wrote it in maybe 45 minutes, just on a whim, and then decided to share it. Hope you like it.

Edited by Johnrahk
  • Upvote 5

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The Piraka were from the last time I was really following Bionicle, so this was a funny concept for me!  Seeing these notorious villains having so much trouble with something as innocent as ordering food is refreshingly humorous.

 

The rhymes definitely gave me the most laughs. The twists of being on BZP and Vezon stealing the food were interesting.  These were my favorite parts:

 

The hungry to feast for a menial price

On food that was only debatably nice.

 

 

Avak, enthralled with the thought of a toy

Ordered a meal for an 8-year-old boy.

 

 

What foolish land they had wandered into

Where you needed green paper to pay for your food!

 

 

Until – thank the spirit! - one old lady took pity

And bought them their food, for she said

Zaktan (vaguely) reminded her of her dead kitty.

 

 

Then he arrived in a new time and place

In a realm ruled by a giant face

With gears behind forehead, it watched its domain

As the visitors steadily streaming in came

 

Thanks for writing this! :) We could use more funny Bionicle poems...

  • Upvote 2

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Very funny. The rhymes were the best bit, and there's plenty of good wordplay. This stanza is so, so, true.

 

...and a table selected

Then for a moment, sceptically inspected.

It was just slightly damp, and preferring one clean

A different seating location they detected.

 

And the very best bit:

 

Avak, enthralled with the thought of a toy,

Ordered a Meal for an 8-year-old boy

 

I think we need a few more funny Bionicle Poems...

  • Upvote 2

"Mutiny, Booty and Entropy"  - The Three Vices of the Frostelus

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Well done, made me chuckle a bit. I remember when the Piraka where in Happy Meal toys themselves... I imagine Avak having fun with his cheap Happy Meal toy!


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Po-Wahi visions in my head
(Temple Mountain San Rafael Swell, Utah) 

 

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