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Judge Tuma


ShadowBionics

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I'm gonna be trying my hand at this once again. Since I've wanted to continue this series for such a long time, I refuse to put it off any longer. So for those who followed me since the start of my writing career in 2006-2010, you might remember a comedy near the end of my time named Judge Tuma. It was a favorite among a lot of my friends, just below Ask Roodaka and A Day in the Life of Teridax? when they were running. I had more in store for it, including new episodes, a video series (which lasted 8 episodes), and such. Things sort of happened, and things just... never went through.

 

Unfortunately with the Dataclysm that happened, I lost a good chunk of everything, and that upset me to the point I just quit. Then my hard drive got messed up, and so the laptop I had the videos and scripts on was messed up so all that was lost forever.

 

However, I want to give this comedy another chance. Since I don't have the original scripts, I am going to go off of it by memory. I'm going to start with the first and probably one of my favorite episodes, done in a new format. It'll be slightly updated, so there won't really be overbearing ADITLOT references, but if you can recognize them, then I hope it brings a smile on your face. Also, there will be 100% less Cascada references because I cannot stand her anymore for reasons I won't go into, so be happy for that. And if you don't know who she is, be even more happy because that means you missed out on that phase I was going through! Anyways, enjoy.

 

 

 

 

Tuma, voice-over: The world is a funny place… not so much in a “ha ha” sort of funny, but funny as in… strange. It’s even more strange when you have to deal with the problems of someone not even of your world. That’s just the sort of thing I’ve gotta do. I’m Judge Tuma, and this is my courtroom where I serve justice.

 

*Judge Tuma goes into his office, where two computer monitors have been set up. After sitting down and turning both monitors on, he is ready to take on one of his most difficult cases yet: The courtroom case between Makuta Teridax and Makuta Icarax, both of whom are from another world entirely. It was a difficult case indeed. Plus, no one wanted the job and he was the only one left.*

 

Tuma: All right then, so now what is the problem between you two?

 

Teridax: Your honor, I have a grievance with this man over here. He’s one of my… underlings, if you can put it so lightly.

 

Icarax: YES!

 

Teridax: See, he’s been trying for so long to usurp me from power and take my place and he’s overall left a slew of sundries in this path he’s taken. He’s overall made my life miserable.

 

Icarax: He’s lying, he’s totally lying.

 

Teridax: He made took my favorite carpet and made it into shambles. Then he made shambles of the carpet. He then wrote in pink crayon “Icarax was here, Teridax is a loser” all over the walls of my private room. Another time he drew a heart and wrote “Teridax + Princess Luna” on my ceiling. And then sometimes when I’d open the door, he’d just be standing there, waiting outside my door.

 

Icarax: Nuh-uh, nuh-uh!

 

Teridax: Not to mention he’s practically freeloading off of me the whole time.

 

Icarax: No, you see, he owes me accommodations on… my feelings.

 

Tuma: No!

 

Teridax: Bravo, Mr. Drama Queen. You need to take that act to the bank. You need to take that act on the road.

 

Icarax: This man here, my former boss… he was very mean to me. He did not like my taste in music. He went and de-alphabetized my whole CD collection.

 

Teridax: Your honor, he lost most of his CD collection in a high-stakes game of rock-paper-scissors. He only has one CD as of this time! I don’t know how you’d know if it was de-alphabetized.

 

Icarax: That’s not true, I’ve got a bunch of them!

 

Teridax: Bryan Adams will always come before and after Bryan Adams.

 

Icarax: I would like to claim cumulative damages on said individual and he is in due process of the law and the judicial system should take precedent.

 

Teridax: What in Mata Nui’s chimpanzee face are you even talking about?! Did you have someone tell you a bunch of fancy words just to make yourself sound smarter?

 

Icarax: Uh… Do you see how he often criticizes me and makes me feel like I’m less of myself?!

 

Tuma: Well, I’m plumb lost here.

 

Teridax: To make me abdicate my position, he tore my favorite bed sheets in half.

 

Icarax: *coughs* LYING!

 

Teridax: To make my question the meaning of my life, he left a crop circle in my bed.

 

Icarax: *coughs* LYING!

 

Teridax: It took my days to decipher and it literally made my question my life, if what I was doing was right or not, and if I should have married Roodaka when I had the chance. Then I find out from my friend Antroz that it was just him being all screwy.

 

Icarax: *coughing* LYING! LIE-ING!!

 

Teridax: I’d say something, but that clearly wasn’t a real sneeze… or cough.

 

Icarax: He’s always insulting my intelligence. He made me so mad that I went and beat him up for 7 hours straight. After I got tired, he beat me up from not getting beat up enough and embarrassed me. He then stole 20% of my shoes and replaced the laces with… nothing.

 

Teridax: That did not happen. That day when that happened, Icarax broke into my room and he took my bed and broke it over his knee in a fit of Hulk-like rage.

 

Tuma: Oh-ho!

 

Teridax: It was impressive, I’ll admit, but in the end it was just a huge financial burden. This one underling by the name of Gorast was excited to offer her room over to me, but I would not put her out like that.

 

Icarax: Whenever we order pizza, I’ve had to order out. If you’d like, take a look at the receipts I faxed over to you and you’ll see what I mean.

 

Teridax: Your honor, while you look at those receipts, you might notice one of those is from a receipt-making store, where he clearly had all those other receipts made.

 

Icarax, crying: I hate you so much right now! I’m glad I didn’t get you anything for your birthday!

 

Teridax: We were having a party, and he had this bright idea about how funny it’d be to come through the wall, like the Kool-Aid Man. Granted, he showed herculean strength and it was impressive, but it was just another financial burden. We needed to get someone to fix the wall. In the process he crushed my labrat named Ahkmou. I need to find another labrat until he heals.

 

Tuma: None of this is making any sense! Nothing you are saying even makes remote sense! This all makes Lady Gaga look normal!

 

Teridax: Your honor, sometimes as I slept, he’d sneak into my room and he’d bite me like a spider.

 

Tuma: That doesn’t make any sense! Does it?!

 

Icarax: He’s lying. He’s clearly lying.

 

Teridax: He is not normal at all. I truly believe he is some kind of monster. I’m not using that as an exaggeration, I really think he’s either a werewolf or boogins sent by Mata Nui to destroy me.

 

Tuma: What’s a Mata Nui?! Some kind of yogurt?

 

Icarax: I am not a werewolf. I am a Makuta.

 

Teridax: I think he might be a Dracula.

 

Icarax: I am not a Dracula. I am a Makuta full of real emotions and feelings. And you’ve hurt them!

 

Teridax: He’s a Dracula!

 

Icarax: Justice must be served, your honor! Your honor?!

 

Tuma: Enough. I find you guilty!

 

Icarax: Oh, come on. I’m guilty?!

 

Tuma: Yes. And Teridax, I find you innocent.

 

Teridax, laughs: Oh, your honor, I find you innocent.

 

Tuma: Oh-ho, justice!

 

 

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You know, somehow I missed this one of yours the first time around. But in some ways I'm glad I did, because I get to enjoy it now! This really made me laugh quite a bit, especially the back-and-forth between Terry and Icy about the various pranks. Some highlights in particular include:

 

 

Icarax: This man here, my former boss… he was very mean to me. He did not like my taste in music. He went and de-alphabetized my whole CD collection.

 

Teridax: Your honor, he lost most of his CD collection in a high-stakes game of rock-paper-scissors. He only has one CD as of this time! I don’t know how you’d know if it was de-alphabetized.

 

Icarax: That’s not true, I’ve got a bunch of them!

 

Teridax: Bryan Adams will always come before and after Bryan Adams.

 

How exactly does one de-alphabetize (or alphabetize, for that matter) one of ANYTHING? ...On second thought, maybe I don't want to know. XD

 

 

Icarax: He’s always insulting my intelligence. He made me so mad that I went and beat him up for 7 hours straight. After I got tired, he beat me up from not getting beat up enough and embarrassed me. He then stole 20% of my shoes and replaced the laces with… nothing.

 

Teridax: That did not happen.

 

Beat him up for not getting beat up enough...stole 20% of his shoes (who knew Terry was such a mathematician?) and Terry's incredibly lame comeback. That's all I can really say. :superfunny:

 

 

Teridax: He is not normal at all. I truly believe he is some kind of monster. I’m not using that as an exaggeration, I really think he’s either a werewolf or boogins sent by Mata Nui to destroy me.

 

Tuma: What’s a Mata Nui?! Some kind of yogurt?

 

Icarax: I am not a werewolf. I am a Makuta.

 

Teridax: I think he might be a Dracula.

 

Tuma's comment put this over the edge from "kinda funny" to "downright hilarious." It took all my willpower not to burst out laughing right now (I'm at work...) I'll be watching this one!

 

:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva :mirunu:

My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |

My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

ANNOUNCEMENT: The Nuva Inn is BACK IN BUSINESS!! (See my blog for more info on my writing projects)

ANNOUNCEMENT 2: Looking for voice actors and artists/animators for an upcoming video project! PM me if interested!

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This was just plain awesome. Please make more! Some of my favorite quotes:

 

"Teridax: Your honor, he lost most of his CD collection in a high-stakes game of rock-paper-scissors. He only has one CD as of this time! I don’t know how you’d know if it was de-alphabetized.

 

Icarax: That’s not true, I’ve got a bunch of them!

 

Teridax: Bryan Adams will always come before and after Bryan Adams."

 

 

 

"Teridax: He is not normal at all. I truly believe he is some kind of monster. I’m not using that as an exaggeration, I really think he’s either a werewolf or boogins sent by Mata Nui to destroy me.

 

Tuma: What’s a Mata Nui?! Some kind of yogurt?

 

Icarax: I am not a werewolf. I am a Makuta.

 

 

Teridax: I think he might be a Dracula."

 

 

"Teridax: We were having a party, and he had this bright idea about how funny it'd be to come through the wall, like the Kool-Aid Man. Granted, he showed herculean strength and it was impressive, but it was just another financial burden."

I HATE SCORPIOS


 


~Pohatu Master of Stone, 2015

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As someone with a grandmother who obsessively watches Judge Judy daily, I thought this whole thing was really funny; whether or not it was intended, the parody is just spot-on. I can't believe I never saw this on the old forums.

avatar by Lady Kopaka


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