Several Matoran were sitting around a campfire, rambling madly and pointing fingers as they tried to decide who would be roasted with the marshmallows that evening. Two of the Matoran in particular - Voltex and Seaborgium - were getting rather heated in their debate, as Seaborgium insisted that Voltex had some sort of mad scheme while Voltex tried to explain that his mad scheme was that he did not have a mad scheme.
Needless to say, it was going about as well as trying to grow onions by watering them with flower pots.
“I’m telling you, I simply voted for Quisoves because I voted for Quisoves!” Voltex exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air and pointing at Quisoves, who sat across the circle. “He was the first one that popped into my mind!”
“Impossible!” Seaborgium responded, shaking his head. “You were in an alliance with Blade! You are clearly a part of some devious conspiracy!”
“Yes you are!”
“I just don’t want to join a bandwagon!” Voltex said, crossing his arms defiantly and turning around.
“But you started a bandwagon!” Seaborgium cried.
“I DID NOT YOU’RE ALL VOTING TO EAT GENGAR WITH THE MARSHMALLOWS AND THAT MAKES ME VERY UPSET!” Voltex shouted, eyes bugging out of his head.
“Okay, fine, gosh, calm down,” Seaborgium muttered. “I’ll just, um. Yes. I shall go. I shall go and… the thing. I shall not vote for Gengar.”
Voltex nodded in approval. “That is very good.”
“You are still evil though, very clearly,” Seaborgium continued. “Look at you! You have scorched armor!”
“My house burned down!”
“Your house did not burn down!”
“We are sitting in the remains of my house right now!”
“No we aren’t!”
“Yes we are!”
“Both of you please, stop yelling,” Ehks said, stepping between them. “I’m sure you’ll both get to eat whoever you want.”
“I don’t want to eat anybody,” Seaborgium said.
“I think we should eat you!” Voltex said, grabbing onto Ehks’ arm. “Come on! You can be roasted with the marshmallows!”
“Wait, that’s a bad idea! Bad idea!” Ehks protested, pulling himself free.
“SEE?!” Seaborgium shouted. “Voltex is evil! He is coming up with some sort of dastardly plan to have all us eaten for dessert!”
Voltex frowned. “Seaborgium, there are no words that can express my disappointment with regards to your utter incompetence. Heck, even Quisoves, the player that I am voting for, appears to understand my motives.”
There came a disbelieving snort from Burnmad, but the Ta-Matoran successfully started to play a trumpet immediately afterward, and Voltex ignored him, continuing:
“That said, you are correct; I did indeed vote just to vote. And since I'm not exactly intent on Quisoves dying... I hereby switch from Quisoves to Seaborgium.”
“WHAT?!” Seaborgium screeched.
“Nice,” Quisoves said, pulling a large creature out of his pocket. “You crack me up.”
Everyone turned to look at Quisoves and froze at the sight of the absurd creature perched on the Matoran’s arms. Ehks slowly took a step back as the creature opened its mouth and stared around the circle.
It was Voltex who found his voice first.
“What in Ekimu’s name is that thing?”
“It’s a Potoo!” Xaeraz said excitedly, reaching forward and handing the Potoo a large concrete block that it immediately began to grind into dust with its beak. “They’re hilarious looking and sounding! It’s going to be a secret role in Red Sea!”
“It’s gonna be Quisoves because the RNG is biased,” Chro muttered from where he was crouched right underneath the Potoo, his nose wrinkled at the concrete dust settling on his nose.
“But… that doesn’t make any sense,” Ehks replied, sounding confused. “It isn’t a double roasting because I actually counted right this time.”
Everyone turned their gaze from the Potoo and over to Ehks, who gulped. “What?”
“I was talking about the Potoo,” Chro said.
“What do they sound like?” Burnmad asked. “Potoos, I mean, not roastings.”
Everyone turned their gaze from Ehks and back over to the Potoo, taking a collective step back from the absurd creature in Quisove’s arms (except for Chro, who merely shuddered).
“Dear god, what the heck is that sound?” Voltex asked.
“It’s the Potoo’s call!” Quisoves replied. “Isn’t it weird?”
“It’s horrifying!” Voltex exclaimed. “Turn it off!”
“You can’t turn off a Potoo,” Quisoves said. “That would be disrespectful.”
“My face is disrespectful, but people turn that off all the time,” Voltex replied.
“No, Voltex, we just don’t like you.”
Voltex turned to Burnmad. “What?”
Portalfig burst into a fit of giggles, collapsing to his knees and clutching his stomach. “I just - I can’t - I can’t take it seriously - I - it’s - it’s so goofy-”
“ALRIGHT! I GIVE UP!” Voltex yelled, throwing his arms in the air. “I GIVE UP!”
Ehks glanced down at the cards in his hands. “Hey! We’re roasting Gengar! He was the one that stole Onarax’s liver! We got it right!”
“THAT’S NOT FAIR!” Voltex shouted, stomping his foot. “I wanted to keep Gengar alive! Save Gengar 2015!”
Voltex’s eyes bugged out of their sockets. “I swear to Ekimu if somebody doesn’t shut that Potoo up I am going to go insane.”
“You’re already insane!” Seaborgium snapped. “That’s what you’ve been saying this entire time!”
“Only to bug you!” Voltex responded. “The absurdity of my claims causes you increasing frustration! It brings me joy!”
“Just you wait until I’m in charge,” Seaborgium muttered.
“Alright, that’s it, I’m done,” Voltex said, turning away and walking off into the darkness. “I’m ou-AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH….”
The group remained frozen in silence for several seconds - even the Potoo - until Ehks tentatively asked, “Voltex?”
He glanced back to the others. “I… what? I don’t….”
“Oh well,” Burnmad said, shrugging. “Back to the roasting.”
“And to the Potoo!” Quisoves cried gleefully. “To its honor, its absurdity, and its majestic nature!”
“That thing isn’t majestic at all,” Ehks said, looking utterly disgusted. “It’s revolting.”
I hope you're all happy. This horrible thing is my 5000th post and will officially tarnish what little reputation I have gained in the library forums
E: FIXED A MINOR COPY/PASTE ERROR THAT ALWAYS HAPPENS AND REALLY BUGS ME UGH
Edited by Black Six, Aug 18 2015 - 06:34 AM.