The Adventures of Sumiki's Dad: The Final Chapter

[Sumiki]

 

There is no great genius without a mixture of madness.

- Aristotle

 

CHAPTER ONE

the gang's back together

 

 
-----BrickFair, sadly, had to come to an end. An extremely tired Team Farm Animals huddled in the parking lot, having just dragged one of Pablo's monstrous creations to his car.
 
-----"Everyone going to the fancy dinner?" Sumiki asked.
 
-----"Yeah, I think we'll all be going," Avohkah Tamer said.

-----BLACK SIX walked up and pulled Pablo, Sumiki, and Takuma aside.
 
-----"SOMETHING'S VERY WRONG," BLACK SIX said. "BIONICLE IS FAILING."
 
-----"I thought the sets were selling well," Sumiki said.
 
-----"IT'S NOT THAT." He pulled up a futuristic holographic tablet. "WHAT WE KNOW OF BOTH GENERATIONS IS LITERALLY DISAPPEARING FROM EXISTENCE."
 
-----"What can any of us do about it?" Pablo asked.
 
-----"BE THERE AN HOUR EARLY FOR THE FANCY DINNER."
 
-----"Can we tell everyone else?" Sumiki asked.
 
-----BLACK SIX thought for a second, then frowned and shook his head. "NAH. I WANT TO HAVE BFAHOME FILM EVERYBODY'S REACTION AT THE SAME TIME. JUST SPREAD THE WORD THAT IT'S AN HOUR EARLY."
 
-----Pablo, Sumiki, and Takuma walked back to the group.
 
-----"What was that all about?" Xaeraz asked.
 
-----"Fancy dinner's an hour earlier," Sumiki said.
 
-----"We need to get a move on," Takuma said. "I was going to smuggle some hotdish into that steakhouse!" With that, he ran off.
 
-----"How was he going to make hotdish in a hotel room that doesn't even have a working door handle?" Sumiki asked.
 
-----"Oh, you know us Minnesotans. We're very inventive with our microwaves."
 
-----"You're Minnesotan on a technicality."
 
-----[sLAP]
 

*-----*-----*

 
-----An hour and a half later, BZPower members gathered outside the steakhouse. BLACK SIX attempted to funnel the group towards the back, but was interrupted by a few exiting patrons of the steakhouse who confused one of the Chir Brothers for the actor who played Scarecrow in those Batman films. (No one could remember that guy's name.)
 
-----BLACK SIX eventually got the members to sit down in an adjacent courtyard area.
 
-----"THERE'S SOMETHING VERY URGENT THAT WE MUST DO," BLACK SIX began.
 
-----"Yeah, eat!" ChocolateFrogs said. "I'm starvin', man."
 
-----BLACK SIX coughed. "AS SOME OF YOU KNOW, WE HAVE DEVISED A METHOD OF ACCESSING THE ORIGINAL BIONICLE UNIVERSE. HOWEVER, WE ARE NOT THE FIRST TO DEVISE A METHOD, AND AS SUCH THE UNIVERSE IS SPLITTING APART. THIS IS CHANGING THE NATURE OF A LINE WE LOVE AND IS BEGINNING TO AFFECT THE REBOOT AS WELL."
 
-----"Cillian Murphy!" Sumiki blurted out.
 
-----Everyone looked at him.
 
-----"That … that was the guy's name … Scarecrow? Oh, never mind."
 
-----BLACK SIX kept a look of steely resolve. "IT WOULD APPEAR THAT THE FATHER OF ONE OF OUR STAFF MEMBERS IS A CULPRIT IN THIS," he said. "SPEAKING OF WHICH, WHERE IS HE?"
 
-----"Not invited," Sumiki said. "He's back at the hotel, dreaming about farm animals."
 
-----"REGARDLESS, IT'S UP TO US TO FIGURE OUT WHAT HAPPENED AND HOW TO FIX IT. SO LET'S GET STARTED. DEEVEE?"
 
-----Everyone looked around. Neither DeeVee nor Nukaya were there.
 
-----"HUH. THAT'S STRANGE. I JUST SAW THEM EARLIER. I THOUGHT THEY'D REALIZE THE GRAVITY OF THE SITUATION."
 
-----Presently, all of the windows in the steakhouse busted as a constant thudding sound emanated from the ground.
 
-----"King Nernst can't resist a good meal!" Sumiki's Dad said. No one saw him, because he was seated atop an enormous possum.
 
-----"YOUR HIGHNESS," BLACK SIX said, kneeling towards King Nernst.
 
-----"You know this thing?" ChocolateFrogs stammered.
 
-----"ONLY SOCIALLY. WE'VE BEEN TO SOME OF THE SAME PARTIES OVER THE YEARS."
 
-----"Mr. … Six, am I right?"
 
-----"YES, YOUR HIGHNESS."
 
-----"Oh, no need for formalities. I heard everything you said and I can provide some assistance."
 
-----"How?" Valendale asked. "Your power seems … situational."
 
-----"I have to have enough energy to transport living beings across dimensions," King Nernst explained. "I just consumed as many steaks as this place goes through in a week, so I'm plenty ready to help."
 
-----"No demands this time?" Takuma said. With this new development, he realized that they'd have to split the hotdish twenty-something ways if the group insisted on eating at this steakhouse.
 
-----King Nernst flicked his tail up and down, and the whole group was lifted from the scene, whirling through dimensions into parts unknown.
 

*-----*-----*

 

-----DeeVee was sweating profusely as he struggled with the doorknob in his hotel room.
 
-----"Come on," Nukaya said, pacing back and forth. "I think the thermostat just broke."
 
-----"Hold on," DeeVee said. "Hey, if we order room service, then they'll have to open it from the outside."
 
-----"We tried that two hours ago," Nukaya said. "Nothing works in this blasted hotel!" She pushed him aside and gave the knob a swift kick.
 
-----"Hey …" DeeVee said. "I still have the transporter! We could meet them wherever they're at!"
 
-----The Blog Leader pulled out the contraption from underneath a flimsy desk and began to fire it up, only to stop in the middle.
 
-----"Why the face?" Nukaya asked. "What … what happened?"
 
-----"We don't have any more clear Tahu masks," DeeVee said. "I gave the last one to the winner of the Kevin Hinkle Look-Alike Contest. The rest … the rest are still back in California."
 
-----Nukaya put on her most displeased-looking face. "I warned you not to be generous with those!"

Edited February 7, 2015 by Sumiki

[Voltex]

And so it begins

What terrible fate shall fall upon our heroes?

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I wanted to have a chance to win one of those clear Haus.

 

Anyways, saving Bionicle from not existing looks to be a great storyline to this series to end on. I have a feeling the group will end up in Karda Nui or Bara Magna. Or somewhere else. We'll find out next chapter I guess.

[Zatth]

 An extremely tired Team Farm Animals huddled in the parking lot, having just dragged one of Pablo's monstrous creations to his car.

 

Sumiki

 

y u hurt me so

[Sumiki]

 

 

 An extremely tired Team Farm Animals huddled in the parking lot, having just dragged one of Pablo's monstrous creations to his car.

 

 

Sumiki

 

y u hurt me so

 

It's a labor of love, my friend.

 

The tiredness was due to the events of Vakama Eats Spam and Yo Yo Piraka, not necessarily lugging the Hagia Sophia across a parking lot.

[Zatth]

 

 

 

 An extremely tired Team Farm Animals huddled in the parking lot, having just dragged one of Pablo's monstrous creations to his car.

 

 

Sumiki

 

y u hurt me so

 

It's a labor of love, my friend.

 

The tiredness was due to the events of Vakama Eats Spam and Yo Yo Piraka, not necessarily lugging the Hagia Sophia across a parking lot.

 

 

HEY

 

IT WAS A HAGIA SOFIA, THE CATHEDRAL OF BARICHARA, POPORO QUIMBAYA, LEGO PORTAL GUN, 20 BIOICLE-BASED MOCS, AND THE GALLIFREY RISES DIORAMA.

 

ALSO KEK POWERIZER.

[Sumiki]

CHAPTER TWO

vezon and vakama

 
-----Vezon landed right in the middle of a blasted-out room. The ceiling was filled with holes and still crumbling. The smell of fish, electricity, and Pepto-Bismol—not necessarily in that order—filled the room.
 
-----Presently six masks appeared in a circle in front of his face.
 
-----"I thought that was just a cheap movie cliché," Vezon muttered.
 
-----"Very funny," Whenua said, extending a hand and peeling Vezon off of the dusty floor. "Now, who are you? And why are you adding to this mess of a day we're having?"
 
-----"You think your day is bad? I had to deal with a bunch of nutty Rahi who were after something I wanted for myself. And then they just disappeared before my very eyes. Am I crazy? Well, yeah, I think I am crazy, but that's beside the point. These things were a whole different type of cr—"
 
-----"I think we have a lot to discuss," Vakama said. "Provided that you don't dominate the conversation."
 
-----"You met these things too?"
 
-----"You're very quick to put that together."
 
-----"Well, there's an old saying: the best way to gain perspective is by being fused to a gigantic spider."
 
-----"Who says that?" Onewa asked.
 
-----"I did. Came up with in on my third week in front of the Mask of Life. Got old the next week because apparently, no matter how hilarious your variety shows are, inanimate objects just don't laugh."
 
-----"Glad we could change things up for you," Vakama said. "Now listen. Do you know where I could get some … Spam?"
 
-----"I am a purveyor of spam, my friend," Vezon said. "I'm not one to brag, but I'm the guy who originally came up with @horse_ebooks."
 
-----"Horse Head Revue?" Matau asked.
 
-----"No … I pinned it on some Russian guy and then sold it to … wait, what kind of spam are you talking about?"
 
-----"The edible kind," Vakama said. "I wasn't aware they made it out of horses."
 
-----"No, no, no, they don't. Well, I don't know if they do or not. Did you get them from Ikea?"
 
-----"Okay, now we've moved straight into the References I Don't Understand category."
 
-----"Well, okay, I'm familiar with, uh, Spam spam," Vezon said.
 
-----"Can you get me some?"
 
-----Vezon considered it. With a team of Toa behind him, he could put some long-dormant plans into action.
 
-----"Alright. But on a single condition."
 
-----Vakama stared daggers at Vezon. "The last time I heard that, I was left stranded in here by those same Rahi you ran into," the Toa of Fire said. "I won't fall for that ag—OH MY MATA NUIIII~"
 
-----Vezon had pulled out a small slice of spam. Vakama savored every bit of it.
 
-----"They never showed you the goods, did they?"
 
-----Vakama shook his head no. There was no reason to open his mouth and release any of the Spam aroma. In fact, he had found that holding your breath meant maximum flavor, but he abandoned that after he made himself pass out in a flavor-intensifying experiment.
 
-----"I need to show you something," Vezon said. "Have you ever seen the brains of this universe?"
 
-----"I hope we're not looking at them," Matau said.
 
-----"Oh, shut up. You're wearing a horse mask over your actual mask."
 
-----"And I love it, too," Matau said.
 
-----"We should get a move on," Nuju said. "I just got word that the Vahki have apprehended the hummingbirds. I don't know what they're planning to do with them, but it doesn't look pretty."
 
-----Vezon and the Toa Metru took the elevator down to the lowest level of the Coliseum and broke down as many doors marked "DO NOT ENTER" as they could find. Eventually they made it to a dark corridor. At the end was a sign that read "CORE PROCESSOR—IF YOU GO BEYOND THIS POINT, YOU'RE PROBABLY ILLITERATE. WE'RE SORRY."
 
-----"This looks like a potential murder scene," Matau said.
 
-----"Don't tempt me, Mr. Ed," Vezon spat back. He waltzed down the corridor and yanked open the door.
 
-----Two Glatorian sat next to each other in front of a large control panel. "DUUUUUUUDE!" one of the Glatorian exclaimed. "I told you I ordered pizza, man!"
 
-----"Yeah, like, two thousand years ago," the other one said.
 
-----"Come on, dude, it's not like we're going to have a bunch of visitors daily! Live in the moment!"
 
-----Vezon cleared his throat and stepped forward. "Excuse me, gentlemen—"
 
-----"It's Glatorian," the moody Glatorian said. "And do you really have pizzas?"
 
-----"… sorry," Vezon said. "That's not really our thing, though ironically, that is sort of why I'm here."
 
-----"And spam, too," Vakama added.
 
-----"You're not helping, fire-spitter," Matau said.
 
-----"Actually, we're here to give y'all a break," Vezon said. "I mean … couple thousand years has got to be pretty rough, right?"
 
-----"Whoa, broski, no can do. 'Sides, time goes by faster than you think when you have … an exercise room!"
 
-----The Glatorian pointed dramatically to a corner. There was nothing in the corner.
 
-----"Yeah, right. Well, we'll just have to do it the hard way, then."
 
-----Vezon smacked the heads of the Glatorian together. Onewa dragged them out.
 
-----"Universe: hacked," Vezon announced, pulling up a chair and typing on a keyboard. "I'm in."

[Toa Smoke Monster]

Vezon, spam-loving Vakama, and the rest of the Toa Metru in the Core Processor of the MU. This won't lead to anything good.

 

Also, I liked the Mr. Ed reference.

[Sumiki]

CHAPTER THREE

when worlds collide

 

-----Takuma, as usual, was the first to get up.
 
-----"Why am I always the first to get up when this happens?" he asked.
 
-----He didn't expect a response, but he was about to ask another question to himself, only to be stopped when he saw that the entire steakhouse had been transported into the Bara Magna desert. He quickly ran up to it and jumped through the window.
 
-----A family of four huddled underneath a table. The kid was complaining about how the windows broke when they went to Taco Bell the other day, and why they couldn't just have a normal meal on their vacation.
 
-----The Evil Blog Master vaulted out another window. Not too far away, various BZPower members were coming to.
 
-----"What happened?" the little kid asked. He had gotten out from under the table and had propped up in the window.
 
-----"It's a long story. Just … stay safe, kid. Okay?"
 
-----"But I'm sta^aaaaaaaaaaaa_aaaaaaaaaaaarving."
 
-----Takuma reached into his jacket and pulled out a small container of hotdish. "Here you go," he said.
 
-----"This is edible?" the kid asked.
 
-----"As a Minnesotan, I'm highly offended, dontcha know."
 
-----The kid took the dish and disappeared into the restaurant. A muffled "thanks" emanated from the broken window not too long afterwards.
 
-----Takuma walked back over to the BZPower members.
 
-----"French the llama …" ChocolateFrogs muttered. "What … did it work?"
 
-----"I have faith in King Nernst's abilities," Takuma replied. "So yes."
 
-----ChocolateFrogs rolled his eyes. "Oh, so you're in this hallucination too. I see what's going on here."
 
-----Gradually everyone got up. Unfortunately, their nice clothes were in various states of disrepair.
 
-----"ALRIGHT, LISTEN UP," BLACK SIX said. "WE ARE HERE TO FIND A WAY TO RESET THIS UNIVERSE TO THE STORY WE ALL LIKE TO NITPICK. THIS IS THE ACTUAL UNIVERSE, NOT THE S&T FORUM, SO DON'T TRY AND GET ANYTHING CANONIZED. WE'RE HERE FOR BUSINESS ONLY."
 
-----From behind a nearby rock, a gigantic figure emerged, lumbering and grunting over to BLACK SIX.
 
-----"And what is going on here?" the figure asked.
 
-----"STRICTLY BUSINESS, TUMA. WE WON'T BE LONG."
 
-----"Oh, okay," the Skrall leader said, turning away. A few seconds later, he swiveled back. "Wait … how do you know my name?"
 
-----"BIT PSYCHIC, OUR KIND."
 
-----"Yeah, man. Sounds pretty cool. Put it there, buddy."
 
-----Tuma and BLACK SIX gingerly fist-bumped.
 
-----"Wait!" Sumiki's Dad said, running after Tuma.
 
-----"What do you want?" Tuma asked.
 
-----"This is top-secret kind of stuff," Sumiki said, cutting in in front of Sumiki's Dad. "So … do you know of anything with, like universal implications?"
 
-----"Oh, man, I don't know. Like, I would totally take over something like that just to have it, but … well, that's not something that just sort of floats around, if you know what I mean."
 
-----Sumiki turned back to the group. "This is Bara Magna. Why would we be brought here? And why was a steakhouse part of the deal?"
 
-----"Right, and now that you've reminded me, I'm going to go see if they have breadsticks in there," Pablo said.
 
-----As they discussed, various members of the Fire Tribe ambled up.
 
-----"What is going on here?" Raanu asked. "I demand to know!"
 
-----"Bit of an intergalactic thing going on here," Xaeraz said. "I'm special agent Horse Divorce of the Hat Division. Pleasure to meet you, Raanu."
 
-----"How did you know my name?"
 
-----"Let's just say that I have my methods."
 
-----Raanu shuddered.
 
-----"We're looking for something very important and we need your help. What's the most important thing on this planet?"
 
-----Raanu was taken aback. "Well, there's a large robot over yonder. It's split up so you'll need help to move the parts, but it's pretty interesting."
 
-----"I understand," Xaeraz said. He clapped a few times. "Alright, let's head on over to the prototype robot!"
 
-----"I should have known that you'd go for that," Sumiki said.
 
-----"And why is that?"
 
-----Pablo, munching on a breadstick, walked up just in time for Xaeraz to hear the Pacific Rim theme on his phone.

Edited February 6, 2015 by Sumiki

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I think I know how this is going to end: Sumiki's Dad is going to gain control the second giant robot and battle the Vezon, spam-loving Vakama, and the rest of the Toa Metru's controlled MU robot. I can see it happening very soon!

 

Also, that poor family. They're going to need a lot of therapy after this story is over.

Edited February 7, 2015 by The Master Sword

[user-402520536]

Also, that poor family. They're going to need a lot of therapy after this story is over.

I'm the kid. No, no therapy. That's why I'm the way I am.   

[Rahkshi Guurahk]

-----Tuma and BLACK SIX gingerly fist-bumped.

That is one of the most epic fist-bumps on this forum.

All hail Lord Tuma!

[Sumiki]

CHAPTER FOUR

get in the robot

 
-----Many BZPower members stayed behind at the steakhouse, which they'd converted into a command post of sorts. However, the ones who stayed behind soon realized that there was nothing to do and began a long game of Cards Against Humanity to pass the time.
 
-----Raanu led BLACK SIX, Sumiki's Dad, and Team Farm Animals towards the site of the prototype robot. They reached the edge of a cliff, and the decrepit old robot could be seen below them. Xaeraz had not stopped grinning since he'd remembered of the robot's existence.
 
-----"Well, folks, that's it," Raanu said. "I can't help you from here."
 
-----"THANK YOU," BLACK SIX said. The Agori wandered off.
 
-----Xaeraz sat down on the edge of the cliff to admire the view, muttering Pacific Rim quotes to himself.
 
-----"The apocalypse isn't going to be canceled if we don't get a move on," Sumiki said. "Don't make me slap you off the cliff."
 

*-----*-----*

 
-----It did not take long for Vezon and Vakama to figure out the workings of the Matoran Universe. Vakama took the main controls, while Vezon was still working to find just the right eye color. He'd been doing that for the past hour.
 
-----"You've been doing that for the past hour," Onewa said. "Haven't you picked a hue yet?"
 
-----Vezon looked annoyed. "For your information, I'm deciding between teal and orange. They're very different colors and I like them for different reasons."
 
-----"Can't you just go with one?" Whenua chimed in. "You're not going to see it."
 
-----Vezon calmly put the color-selecting joystick down and picked up his Spear of Fusion. He switched the setting to the tiniest of gaps between "split" and "fuse" and hurled the spear towards the non-Vakama members of the Toa Metru.
 
-----It hit Onewa first and then chain-reacted through the rest of the non-Spam-obsessed Metru. They appeared to disintegrate on contact.
 
-----"What was that for?" Vakama half-yelled. "What were they doing to you?"
 
-----"Being annoying," Vezon said, picking the hue-finder back up off the floor.
 
-----Remember, fire-spitter, you're only in this for the Spam, Vakama thought.
 

*-----*-----*

 
-----BLACK SIX, Sumiki's Dad, and Team Farm Animals approached one of the robot's legs.
 
-----Brickeens gingerly tapped on the metal. "It's still solid," he announced.
 
-----As one, they attempted to move the leg, but it wouldn't budge.
 
-----"Anyone have ideas?" Pablo asked.
 
-----"Aside from movie quotes?" Sumiki replied. "Not a chance."
 
-----"HOLD ON A MOMENT," BLACK SIX said. "LET'S BRING OUT THE BIG GUNS." With that, he pulled out the BANHAMMER from his coat pocket. You could tell because it looked a bit like Mjölnir and had the word 'BANHAMMER' engraved on its side.
 
-----BLACK SIX reared back and hit the leg with all his might. A wave of pink energy blasted out from the point of contact. The leg moved about three feet.
 
-----"This'll be a long night at this rate," Portalfig said. "Here, let me hel—WHOA"
 
-----BLACK SIX had given Portalfig the BANHAMMER, only for it to fall right down to the ground. Portalfig couldn't lift it.
 
-----"GET INSIDE THE HEAD AND FIGURE OUT HOW IT WORKS," BLACK SIX said. "I'LL STAY BEHIND AND PUT TOGETHER THE ROBOT."
 
-----Leaving BOSSMAN behind, Sumiki's Dad and Team Farm Animals made the journey up to the head. It didn't take as long as they initially expected.
 
-----"Here we are, then," Sumiki said. He felt around on the head, eventually locating a small hatch.
 
-----"Prototype robot: hacked," Xaeraz said.
 
-----One by one, they entered the robot.
 

*-----*-----*

 
-----Vezon and Vakama had figured out how to use the view screens in the control room to view various parts of the universe they now controlled. One of these, which showed an ethereal green glowing gas-like substance, caught Vezon's attention.
 
-----"We need to get that thing here," Vezon said. He accidentally poked the screen, and the gas disappeared from the screen and materialized in the Core Processor.
 
-----"What is going on?" Makuta asked.
 
-----"My thoughts exactly," Vakama muttered.
 
-----"Fire-spitter, this is … Will Ferrell," Vezon said. "We need his assistance."
 
-----"For what?" Vakama asked.
 
-----"War," Vezon said.

[Toa Smoke Monster]

I'm kind of glad the other Toa Metru are gone. They probably would've objected to what's going to happen soon.

 

Anyways, now Makuta Will Ferrell is with Vezon and Spam-loving Vakama. Their team just keeps getting better and better.

[user-402520536]

Anyways, now Makuta Will Ferrell is with Vezon and Spam-loving Vakama. Their team just keeps getting better and better.

Who's next? The Evil Maha?

[Sumiki]

CHAPTER FIVE

preparations for war
 

-----King Nernst waddled up to the steakhouse, where he saw that ChocolateFrogs was busying himself by repairing the windows with plastic wrap and duct tape.
 
-----"Mr. Frogs," King Nernst said. "We are in need of your assistance."
 
-----"How is that?" the Reporter replied.
 
-----"It's the prototype robot. It cannot be powered properly without a sufficient number of life forms in its limbs. We need you to bring an many humans as you can to the robot. It's located to your east."
 
-----"Why do we need a robot?"
 
-----"Aside from looking cool? Well, there's a big battle that's going to commence shortly. It's honestly the safest place for any of you."
 
-----ChocolateFrogs nodded before entering the steakhouse. King Nernst was gone before he could see him lead the pack of humanity from the back door.

 

*-----*-----*

 
-----Makuta, needing something to possess before his willpower gave out, decided to inhabit Vezon's Chia Pet, much to the chagrin of the Skakdi who still saw it as a potential CD player.
 
-----"Alright," Makuta said. "This is strange, but I can get used to it. What do you need?"
 
-----"Rahkshi," Vezon said. "Lots and lots of Rahkshi."
 
-----"And where do you suppose I get these Rahkshi? Out of thin air?"
 
-----"I never really thought to ask about the process—"
 
-----"I'm not going to bore you with specifics, but I'd need a lot of equipment."
 
-----"Not a problem," Vakama said. "We can transport you anywhere in the universe, and we can transport anything in the universe here."
 
-----"Well, that's particularly convenient."
 
-----Makuta struggled inside his pathetic Chia Pet body for a few moments until Vakama moved him over to a keyboard, where he promptly fell over and vanished.
 
-----The Master of Shadows materialized in the caverns in the face of the Matoran Universe. Bohrok surrounded his tiny, creepy body.
 
-----"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Makuta screamed.
 
-----"Can I help you?" a voice came from behind him.
 
-----"Who's there?" Makuta demanded. "I would turn around, but I'm a little indisposed."
 
-----A cockroach no less than a yard long walked around Makuta and stared him in his disturbing Chia Pet eyes.
 
-----"What are you?" Makuta asked.
 
-----"I am Mega-Roach," the cockroach said.
 
-----"And what are you doing here?"
 
-----"I had my own tax company. Had my own local commercials, too—you might have seen them! Let me recite one: I'm MEGA-ROACH, and I say that its' TAAAAAAX TIIIIIIIIIIIIIME in METRUUUUUUU NUUUUUUUUUUUUU—"
 
-----"OKAY, okay, okay, I get it," Makuta said. "What are you doing here?"
 
-----"Something happened to Metru Nui," Mega-Roach said, slightly taken aback by Makuta's lack of knowledge on this matter. "Come and see."
 
-----"I really don't see—WHOAAA"
 
-----Mega-Roach slid underneath Makuta and balanced the indescribably unsettling Chia Pet on his back. Presently they came across a hole through which they could see Metru Nui.
 
-----"What … what is all that?"
 
-----"Visorak," Mega-Roach said.
 
-----"Am I supposed to … care?"
 
-----"I don't know …" Mega-Roach said. "I don't know."
 
-----"Bet you made a nice tax attorney with that attitude."
 
-----"Shut up, talking Chia Pet."
 
-----"That's it," Makuta said. The Chia Pet exploded in a burst of antidermis.
 
-----Mega-Roach tried to get away, but it was no use. Makuta's essence possessed his body, pushing his consciousness into the most dormant area of his brain.
 
-----"Now," Makuta said. "Let's get to work."

[Toa Smoke Monster]

Never thought I'd see Makuta Will Ferrell possess a cockroach in a Bionicle comedy.  I also never thought I'd see him take orders from Vezon and Spam-loving Vakama. I shutter at the thought of what would've happened if Teridax would've listen to Vezon in the official story.

[Sumiki]

CHAPTER SIX

possums vs. rahkshi

 
-----"So …" Sumiki said. "Remind me again how this is this going to help with the resetting of the universe."
 
-----"The plan is to get to the Red Star from here," Pablo said. BLACK SIX had given him a laptop, which he was currently patching into the prototype's Core Processor.
 
-----"Do we know where that is?" Valendale asked.
 
-----"Hold on …" Pablo said. He typed in a few more lines of code and hit the enter key. The laptop exploded.
 
-----No one moved for about half a minute.
 
-----"Uh … I need to tell Bossman about this," Takuma said.
 
-----"WHAT'S GOING ON, GUYS?" BLACK SIX asked, entering the Core Processor.
 
-----"Uh … you know that laptop you loaned me?" Pablo said.
 
-----"YEAH?"
 
-----"I don't think it's compatible."
 
-----BLACK SIX looked at it and facepalmed. "THAT WASN'T EVEN MINE. I GOT IT FROM MEIKO."
 
-----"Alright, we're just going to have to boot this thing up without the patches," Xaeraz said. Portalfig had used what he could of his phone and stethoscope, but there was little that could be done in the rudimentary control room.
 
-----"Do we have a countdown?" Sumiki's Dad asked.
 
-----"Indeed we do, Eggplant Muse," Brickeens said. "5 … 4 … 3 … 2 … 1 …"
 
-----Xaeraz hit the switch. Sparks flew as screens lit up. A good chunk were still inoperable, but Team Farm Animals could see bands of members throughout the robot.
 
-----After the cheers died down, Sumiki cleared his throat. "Guys …"
 
-----"I swear, if you bring down the mood, I'm going to have to slap you."
 
-----"I'm bracing for it, because here comes the Matoran Universe."
 
-----Xaeraz halfheartedly slapped Sumiki.
 
-----"Why is it coming this way?" Valendale asked.
 
-----"Look at those eye colors," Sumiki said. "One teal, one orange. I'd usually be delighted, but in this case I think it's a sure sign of a takeover by a madman."
 
-----"That's not very Bean Core of them," Brickeens muttered.
 
-----"Time enough for aesthetics later," came a voice from one of the screens.
 
-----"Who is this?" Xaeraz asked the screen. "I can only see the lower half of a shirt."
 
-----"Sorry," Makaru said, leaning down to poke his head in the frame. "I think I can give you some more power up there, if you'd like."
 
-----"Definitely," Xaeraz said. "Let's jump-start this thing upright!"
 
-----A burst of energy flowed through the Core Processor, igniting the dead screens. Artificial gravity turned on as the prototype lurched upwards, righting itself and towering far above Bara Magna.
 

*-----*-----*

 
-----"They've got one," Vezon said, looking through the main view screen at the prototype robot. "Do they know how to use it?"
 
-----"Oh, please," Vakama said. "There's no way. We have tons more experience."
 
-----"What, like, an hour's worth? That's enough time to participate in a Zyglak-eating contest. Which I WON, ZAKTAN! I WON THAT!"
 
-----"Whoa there, calm down, man," Vakama said. "I'm not Zaktan."
 
-----Presently they neared Bara Magna and touched down on the planet. Each robot stared daggers at the other.
 
-----"Give up, strange beings in a distressingly similar robot," Vezon said.
 
-----Vakama yanked the microphone from his hand. "Leave the trash talking to me," the Toa whispered. "Inhabitants and visitors of Bara Magna: your planet is under arrest."
 
-----"What, you have handcuffs that big?" Vezon whispered. Vakama slapped him.
 
-----"We will leave and never return if we are given a lifetime supply of Spam."
 
-----"And cheese pizzas," Vezon yelled.
 
-----Vakama covered the microphone again. "Look, Mr. Smiles. I got this."
 
-----"What?" The Skakdi put on his most innocent face. "I just like pizza."
 
-----"Yeah, well, who doesn't," Vakama muttered. "You have five minutes to comply with our demands or your world will be annihilated."
 
-----They waited for a while. Eventually Sumiki's Dad came on the line on the other side.
 
-----"We would love to give you Spam and pizza, but we actually don't have any on us at the moment," Sumiki's Dad said.
 
-----Xaeraz jumped on the line. "We're from a different world! We can get you anything you desire if you will let us go and get it!"
 
-----"That's exactly what you liars said LAST TIME," Vezon and Vakama yelled in unison.
 
-----"Release the army," Vezon chuckled.
 
-----In the left foot of the Matoran Universe, Makuta nodded. Thirty thousand Rahkshi/cockroach fusions were ready to deploy. Solemnly, Makuta let them out, and they ran single-file out into the Bara Magna desert.
 
-----"What's that?" Valendale asked.
 
-----"I'm getting something from its left foot," Avohkah Tamer said. He zoomed in on a screen. "Rahkshi. I can't guess how many. They're taking the Agori captive."
 
-----"Well, they certainly were thorough when they mentioned arrest," Pablo said.
 
-----"WE NEED A COUNTERATTACK," BLACK SIX said. He turned to Sumiki's Dad. "WHERE'S KING NERNST?"
 
-----"Right here," King Nernst said. He came on the line in the left foot of the prototype. "I have an army of specially trained possums totaling thirty thousand. We're awaiting deployment."
 
-----"VERY GOOD, YOUR HIGHNESS," Black Six said.
 
-----"And one more thing," the great possum said. "On the field of battle, I am General Nernst. Royalty is too much."
 
-----"Release them," Sumiki's Dad said.
 
-----As each robot reared back for the colossal struggle that was to ensue, the armies of Rahkshi and possum collided on the desert below.

Edited February 13, 2015 by Sumiki

[Toa Smoke Monster]

This is turning out better than I expected.  

 

Possum and Rahkshi fighting in a huge battle while the two giant robots prepare for a Pacific Rim-style battle themselves. I can't wait to see what happens next!

[Sumiki]

CHAPTER SEVEN

the power of ziploc

 
-----The Matoran Universe launched off the ground and dove to tackle the prototype.
 
-----"Where's the control?" Takuma screamed.
 
-----"I THOUGHT YOU FIGURED THAT OUT!" Xaeraz screamed back.
 
-----Avohkah Tamer wrenched what appeared to be an emergency lever. The prototype launched off of the ground, only to be spun backwards by the Matoran Universe.
 
-----"They got the ankle!" Sumiki said, spinning. "General Nernst, are you okay?"
 
-----"I've exited the vehicle," Nernst replied. "Is now really the time for a status report?"
 
-----"Probably not!" Sumiki admitted.
 
-----Pablo messed with something that looked like a gyroscope. Suddenly, the prototype evened out.
 
-----Below, Vezon and Vakama were furiously trying to get the Matoran Universe out of the sand.
 
-----"I'm trying, you idiot!" Vakama yelled. "Is it really my fault that the one being who could have told us how this thing works decided to possess a creepy doll?"
 
-----"First of all, the two beings in this universe who could have told us died horrible deaths," Vezon replied, yanking the control to pull the Matoran Universe out of the dirt. "And second of all, it's a Chia Pet and it's adorable."
 
-----"You'd probably think clowns are hilarious too," Vakama muttered.
 
-----Vezon slapped Vakama. "I heard that," the Skakdi chided.
 
-----"So did we," Xaeraz said.
 
-----"You know our names and our stories," Vakama replied as the two robots circled each other in the air above Bara Magna. "Isn't there some kind of dance?"
 
-----Through force of habit, Xaeraz messed with the controls as the prototype shook around like a stiff ragdoll.
 
-----Vakama looked at Vezon, who was bent over and laughing hysterically. "What's wrong with you?" the Toa asked. "Well ... aside from the obvious."
 
-----"I didn't think he'd actually do it," Vezon said.
 

*-----*-----*

 
-----Below, King Nernst commanded his possum army against the mutated Rahkshi.
 
-----Fortunately for the marsupials, the Rahkshi were delicious.
 
-----Unfortunately, they were getting full.
 
-----I will do what I must, King Nernst thought grimly. I hope it does not come to that.
 
-----Presently a lone maroon-colored Rahkshi stumbled into Nernst's view. The possum did not have time to think up a suitable strategy for one-on-one combat, but did not have to, as the Rahkshi fell asleep right at his fuzzy paws.
 
-----"Rahkshi of Sleep, sir," Nernst's assistant said.
 
-----"Thank you, Claude," Nernst replied. He looked down at the sleeping Rahkshi. "Lunch …" he muttered to himself.
 
-----As he began to consume the Rahkshi, he viewed the battle. Many good possums would be lost this day, but he knew that their success would be worth the sacrifice.
 
-----Yet his forces were being pushed back. Clearly, their previously inexhaustible stomach capacity had suddenly been reached.
 
-----Nernst stood up. Claude stood at attention.
 
-----"POSSUMS," Nernst yelled. "LUUUUUUUUUUUUNCH!"
 
-----Nernst charged through his own ranks, unhinged his jaw, and began scooping up Rahkshi wholesale.
 

*-----*-----*

 
-----The prototype lurched forward and punched the Matoran Universe right in the gut.
 
-----"HEY!" Vakama said. "We were having a moment here!"
 
-----Pablo rolled his eyed. "Yeah, I ship it."
 
-----Vezon responded by blasting a jet of energy from the Matoran Universe's right arm.
 
-----"No fair!" Portalfig screamed as the screens temporarily went haywire. "Do we have that?"
 
-----"We're working on it!" VampireBohrok screamed over the intercom.
 
-----"You weren't at BrickFair, bro," Brickeens said. "How did you get here?"
 
-----"ZIPLOC!"
 
-----"Hey Veebs," Sumiki said.
 
-----"Oh no."
 
-----"Bwock. "
 
-----";_;"
 
-----"USE THE BUZZSAW ZUCCHINI!" Sumiki's Dad yelled.
 
-----VampireBohrok whipped out the mutated vegetable from his coat pocket and threw it at something off the screen, just in time to launch a blast out of the prototype's left arm. It hit the Matoran Universe and sent ripples out through its core.
 
-----"Awesome …" Takuma muttered.
 
-----"You fools!" Vezon said. "You'll pay for this!" He quickly turned off the microphone. "How do we make them pay for it?"
 
-----"Gee, I'd hate to have you as a date," Vakama replied.
 
-----"That's what Brutaka said," Vezon retorted.
 
-----While this exchange occurred, Team Farm Animals had figured out how to turn one of the prototype's fists into a literal chainsaw. For extra pizzazz, someone down in that arm had made it as close to transparent orange as possible.
 
-----The prototype advanced and threw its body into a blow, but Vezon had other ideas. The Matoran Universe slapped away the attack like it was nothing, then grabbed the prototype and smacked it in its own gut with its own transparent orange chainsaw.
 
-----"We've been hit!" Avohkah Tamer said.
 
-----"WAL-MART!" Valendale screamed. (This was his idea of cursing.)
 
-----"Karda Nui here," Bfahome said, coming in hazily on one of the screens. "We're losing power fast. Meiko's trying to patch it up, but he says the plans are on his laptop. Is there enough power to send it down?"
 
-----"Probably not," Avohkah Tamer said.
 
-----"Well, we'll keep it going for as long a—"
 
-----The power flickered once, then cut out for good when the prototype crumpled into the sand.

[Rahkshi Guurahk]

--"Well, we'll keep it going for as long a—"

 

Classic example of something that is about to fail. =P

Edited February 16, 2015 by Rahkshi Guurahk

[Toa Smoke Monster]

And the battle is on!

 

Also, a trans-orange chainsaw would've been an awesome weapon for Mata Nui to have used in the canon story!

[Sumiki]

CHAPTER EIGHT

the grand finale

 
-----The Matoran Universe stood over the fallen body of the prototype.
 
-----"Now," Vezon announced, "Let's finish this."
 
-----"FOR SPAM!" Vakama said.
 
-----"Was that really necessary?" Vezon asked.
 
-----Crumpled in the ruined darkness of the prototype's Core Processor, Pablo somehow found that the microphone still worked. "We can still hear you," he said.
 
-----"Are you sitting on the button again, Vezon?"
 
-----"What? No! Why w—oh, yeah, there it is."
 
-----"Maybe you'd have felt it if you took that cape off once in a while."
 
-----"Let it go, fire-spitter. It's my aesthetic."
 
-----"Well, maybe your aesthetic can include running it through a washing machine once in a while. Oh, wait, it'd probably disintegrate."
 
-----"You take that back!"
 
-----"No!"
 
-----"Oh, well then … I never liked your disk launcher."
 
-----"HOW DARE YOU!"
 
-----The Matoran Universe jittered a little bit as Skakdi and Toa wrestled over the controls.
 
-----"Okay, we've got some time," Avohkah Tamer said, feeling his way through the heap. He tried the controls. "Anyone out there?"
 
-----"I think only the mic to outside works," Takuma said.
 
-----"Wal-Mart," Valendale grumbled.
 
-----"So let's get this straight," Sumiki's Dad said. "Fez Man and Crawdad Man are working together."
 
-----"We assume so, yes," Portalfig said.
 
-----"And they don't like each other."
 
-----"Well, I ship it," Xaeraz said.
 
-----Sumiki tried to slap Xaeraz, but accidentally hit the emergency power button. Immediately, red lights illuminated the room.
 
-----Towering above it all were Vezon and Vakama, who had gotten over their quarrel and began their quips anew.
 
-----"Prepare for death!" Vezon exclaimed.
 
-----"Dude, you're not even HOLDING the microphone," Vakama said.
 
-----"Well, fight me."
 
-----"I just did, and I won."
 
-----"If you won, why am I announcing it?"
 
-----"You're not." Vakama held up the microphone. "I am."
 
-----"You little … !"
 

*-----*-----*

 
-----From birth, King Nernst was a possum with a big appetite. Exactly how big he could get was a mystery, but his youthful consumptions had led him to expand to the size of a few school buses. It was only then that he realized the simple truth that all possums have special abilities, but only he had enough energy to access the latent stronghold.
 
-----He thought about this because he was pretty sure that he was going to explode.
 
-----The great possum had consumed most of what remained of the Rahkshi army and was rapidly growing in size. A minute ago he was the size of a football field, now he was five times that size.
 
-----Rahkshi, it is inferred, have a lot of calories per pound.
 
-----He was growing at exponential rates now, expanding upwards and outwards over the landscape. The possums of his army crawled into his fur coat, which had reached rainforest levels of biodiversity as its microorganisms expanded at the same rate.
 
-----With great effort, Nernst began waddling over to the Matoran Universe. He was now half the robot's size, but his growth was slowing.
 
-----Half a minute later, Nernst stared the Matoran Universe in the eye.
 
-----"THIS ALL ENDS NOW," Nernst declared. With that, he swung his enormous tail and hit the Matoran Universe clean off the planet.
 
-----"That'll hurt in the morning," Pablo said.
 
-----"What about the inhabitants?" Avohkah Tamer asked. "Will they not be safe?"
 
-----"I think you are forgetting our mission," Nernst replied.
 
-----The inhabitants of Bara Magna looked up as one into the sky. The Red Star was descending.
 
-----Nernst held out his palm as the Red Star landed in it. He set it down on top of the prototype.
 
-----"Have at it, guys," Nernst said.
 

*-----*-----*

 
-----Team Farm Animals made it out of the prototype. For a whole minute, they stood assembled on the face of the prototype, staring in awe at the great red orb that lay before them.
 
-----"It's like Epcot on steroids …" Xaeraz breathed.
 
-----Sumiki slapped him, but Xaeraz was too far out of it to really notice.
 
-----Eventually, Sumiki's Dad came forward and pressed his hand to the Red Star's surface. A door slid back, revealing a staircase.
 
-----Before Team Farm Animals could take the stairs, the six-foot-tall hummingbirds flew out, followed closely by none other than Greg Farshtey himself.
 
-----"What have you done with my universe?" Greg said, looking around at the complete and utter horror that Team Farm Animals had wrought. As a comfort item, he reached back into the Red Star and began petting his Kek Powerizer.
 
-----"We need for you to hit the reset button," Sumiki said. "It has to be pressed. It's the only way."
 
-----Greg looked at Sumiki squarely. "Son, I don't have one of those. In fact, I think there's only one thing that I can do."
 
-----"What?" Team Farm Animals asked in unison.
 
-----"… it's canon," Greg said, looking around. "It's all canon now."
 
-----Team Farm Animals looked at Greg, and Greg looked at them.
 
-----"You heard the man," Nernst said. "Now let's get you all back home."
 
-----A gigantic Ziploc back came down over Team Farm Animals, shrinking around them and sending them back to their respective homes.
 

The End

[Toa Smoke Monster]

And so ends one of the best comedies to hit these forums. I enjoyed it from beginning to end. Great job with the series overall!

 

Also, I probably should've expected Greg to show up sometime in this.

Edited February 17, 2015 by The Master Sword

[(Daedalus)]

 

-----"… it's canon," Greg said, looking around. "It's all canon now."

 

 

Every part of this series was worth reading just for this joke.