Popular Post Eyru Posted March 15, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted March 15, 2015 * * * The day dawned bright and clear over Mata Nui. Clouds scuttled merrily across the sky, and the plants seemed almost ready to sing as they embraced the sun's warm rays. Pohatu smiled and took a deep breath, closing his eyes to better savour the fresh air. The Bohrok were gone. Life was good. The Toa of Stone stood outside his hut, wearing a headband and a towel slung over his shoulder. He carried a brown gym bag in one hand. A passing Ta-Matoran waved hello; the friendly Toa waved back, and hurried to join his friend on the street. “Hello, Nuri! How's your morning?” “Good!” the Matoran replied. “And yours? Are you ready for your big match today?” Pohatu nodded. “You bet I am. It's gonna be a game to remember.” The two walked down the road, greeting everyone they passed. Everyone chattering about the big game that would take place in only an hour: a tennis match between Pohatu and Tahu himself, patron of Ta-Koro. The Toa of Stone seemed calm enough. Everyone who greeted him noticed his easy smile and lack of any nervous tics (some Matoran, upon seeing this, rushed to change their bets). But, then again, Pohatu was a natural athlete, and the patron Toa of Kolhii to boot. If anyone knew how to hide his nerve,s it was him. Tahu, however, did not. The Ta-Toa's hut was filled with unprintable words and the debris of several pieces of furniture. Turaga Vakama opened the door just in time to see his patron Toa destroy the last of a four-chair dining set by taking the chair and smashing it against the wall until it shattered into splinters. “Tahu!” the Turaga exclaimed. “What in Mata Nui-” “It's today! It's today!” Tahu growled, before suddenly going limp and flopping onto his bed. “It's today,” he moaned. “Well, yes, that's the nature of today,” Vakama replied carefully. “As opposed to yesterday or tomorrow, which by their very defini-” “Oh, shut up,” the Toa mumbled, hands clasped over his face in despair. “You know what I mean. The tennis match. It's today.” “Ah, yes, the tennis match. A wonderful display of inter-Koro relations and-” “To karz with inter-Koro relations! That rotten stonehead is going to beat me in my own village.” The Turaga took a seat on the edge of Tahu's bed, joints creaking, and laid a wizened hand on Tahu's knee. “Tahu, you know the point isn't who wins. It's to foster a sense of-” “Of course it matters!” Tahu roared, springing up from his bed and throwing his pillow against the wall. “This is my village! I'm the best! I can't lose to Pohatu in my own stadium.” Frantic, he paced back and forth. “I can see it now. I'll make it to 15, maybe 30. Then that brickbrain is gonna swoop past me and win without even trying. Forget even winning a set; I'm only gonna make love because that's how we start.” “Tahu.” Vakama's voice was stern. “Calm down. You'll go out and give it your best, and that's all that matters.” “But-” “No buts,” the Turaga replied, getting off his own and onto his feet. “The point is that you go out and smile and make an effort. And when Pohatu wins, you will shake his hand and congratulate him on a game well played. Now go get your equipment.” Tahu sulked his way around the hut, throwing his gear into a red gym bag with all the angst he could muster. Vakama looked on, unimpressed. “I'm ready to go,” the Toa said finally. His headband itched. “Good,” Vakama said shortly. “Then let's get going.” He threw open the door, and the two walked, squinting, into the bright sunlight. A cheer went up from the group of Matoran gathered at the front gate, brandishing foam fingers and hand-made Hau masks made to mirror Tahu's own. The Ta-Toa waved weakly, hoping he wouldn't throw up. The entourage moved slowly down the street, with the Matoran chanting Tahu's name and the Toa himself focusing on putting one foot in front of the other. Vakama walked a step behind, keeping a sharp eye on the hero in case he tried to make a quick getaway. The two Toa met at the entrance of the stadium. Pohatu thrust out a giant hand, a winning smile plastered on his mask. “Good morning brother! Fine day for a game-” “Yeah, yeah, good to see you too,” Tahu muttered, waving his brother's hand away. “Let's get inside.” They entered to a roar of raucous applause that nearly knocked them off their feet. The stadium was packed full with Matoran from every corner of the island, waving flags, hoisting banners, and screaming their throats raw in support of their particular champion. Widgets changed hands faster than the eye could follow as bookies moved throughout the crowd, offering odds. The air was thick with anticipation. Tahu gulped, then moved towards his side of the court, where Lewa waited with a stack of water bottles and granola bars. The Toa of Air beamed as his brother approached. “Hey, fire-spitter, long time no sight-see! How're you feeling today?” “Fine,” Tahu growled, throwing his gym bag to the ground. “What're my odds?” Lewa shrugged. “Last I heard was 30 to 1 on the stone-slinger taking you down in ten minutes. But that was a Ta-Koro bookie, and you hotheads don't know game-sports like us high-flying Le-Koronans.” Tahu glared at him. “Fine. So what odds would you give me, Mister Sports Guy?” The Toa of Air shuffled his feet. “Um. If I had to quick-make a bet... probably 50 to 1.” That might have been his last breath had the referee not called for the competitors to approach the net Tahu settled for shooting his brother a dirty look, then walked towards the net. Pohatu approached from the opposite side, backed by Kopaka, who looked much more put-together than Lewa. Onua, the referee, met them in the middle. “I want a nice, fair game,” he said in his rockslide baritone. “No tricks. No cheating. No masks or elemental powers. Let's make this one to remember, alright?” The others nodded. Pohatu reached across the net to shake Tahu's hand. The Toa of Fire hesitated, then, seeing Vakama out of the corner of his eye, he rolled his eyes and accepted the handshake. The crowd cheered. “Players,” Onua rumbled. “To your lines. Tahu has first serve.” Racquet struck yellow ball with a thwack, and the stadium went silent as the projectile hurled through the air. Over the net, one bounce, and then Pohatu nimbly struck it out of the air, sending it back into Tahu's court. The Toa of Fire, his headband already soaked with sweat, hit it back to the opposite side of the court, leaving Pohatu stumbling over his feet trying to change direction. He swung wildly and missed. The ball bounced twice, and the crowd erupted. Tahu managed to smile through his panting breaths, then readied himself for the next serve. Across the court, Kopaka patted the Toa of Stone on the shoulder and whispered a few words of encouragement in his ear. Pohatu shrugged and smiled. It was a fluke. He was fine. “Fifteen serving love,” Onua said. The Toa of Fire hoisted the ball into the air, then smacked it across the court. Pohatu, mouth set and eyes focused, returned the serve. They hit it back and forth a few times before Tahu managed, somehow, to make it up the court and catch his opponent off-guard with a powerful smash that the Toa of Stone couldn't return. He awkwardly swung at the ball, and hit it off court and into the crowd. “Thirty, love.” Tahu couldn't believe it. He looked back at Lewa, who flashed him two thumbs up. On the other side of the court, Pohatu angrily stomped the ground, sending a small tremor through the arena. Kopaka handed him a water bottle, but the Toa of Stone threw it aside with a frown. How could he be losing? Tahu's third serve was a thing of beauty, but his opponent was ready. Pohatu's return nearly caught the Toa of Fire right between the eyes; it was only a hasty backpedal and a graceless -yet effective- swing that saved him from humiliation. And now Pohatu held the advantage; his racquet turned the ball each time into a missile that Tahu could barely return. Back and forth, back and forth. Pohatu crept up the court, getting ready for a final smash that would finally put him on the board. His eyes stinging with sweat, Tahu desperately twisted his wrist and put an unexpected spin on the ball. Pohatu's grin of triumph morphed into a wide-eyed grimace as the yellow streak flew past him; turning, he dove heroically for the ball, but it was too late. He plowed face-first into the ground, and the ball bounced off the court. “Forty, love.” The stadium shook with the thunder of a thousand voices as every Matoran yelled, either in exultation or dismay. The bookies doubled their efforts; the widgets flew fast and thick. Nobody had been expecting this – least of all the players themselves. Tahu, gasping for air, grateful sucked on the water bottle Lewa handed him, draining it dry in seconds. Across the court, Kopaka helped Pohatu to his feet. The Toa of Stone was barely vertical before he stumbled towards the net, his face angry and road-rashed. “This is ridiculous!” he shouted. “How on earth are you beating me?” The Toa of Fire had no breath to answer, so he didn't say anything. Onua tried to calm his brother down. “Pohatu, stop-” The angry Toa pushed Onua away. “I'm the best sportsman on Mata Nui? How is it forty to love?” “You promised me a fair match. Obey the rules-” “Shut up! He's cheating! It can't be forty to love-” “Pohatu, enough!” Onua boomed. “You're a stranger to love, but you know the rules, and so do I!” ~fin 30 Quote BRPG Forum Rules • BZPRPG Starter Topic • Q&A Compendium • SK:A Profiles Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
25K Now! Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 (edited) [3:21:05 PM] PURPLE: “You're a stranger to love, but you know the rules, and so do I!” [3:21:06 PM] PURPLE: oh my god [3:21:07 PM] PURPLE: did [3:21:10 PM] PURPLE: you really just make this comedy [3:21:13 PM] PURPLE: for this ###### punchline Edited March 15, 2015 by Umi Tryon 3 Quote http://vimeo.com/198967785 BZPRPG Profiles Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xaeraz Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 this was either the best or worst comedy i've read on BZP and i still can't tell you which it is. all i know is my life has been changed forever by it. 5 Quote All are not the same But three shall be as one Freedom in the flame The end has just begun Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snelly Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 This is like candy, I want more. Quote My Bzprpg Profiles, Ghosts of Bara Magna Skyra | Hakari | Oceanna | Taleen | Arisaka | Zanakra | Kaminari | Drakkar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ballom Nom Nom Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 That was pretty entertaining to read through, I must say. Well done. The Feghoot is an art that should see more use in BZP's Comedies forum. ~B~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shadow pridak money gang Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 classic tyl-- wait eyru? -Tyler 9 Quote SAY IT ONE MORE TIME TELL ME WHAT IS ON YOUR MIND Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akavakaku Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 All this for a Rickroll... I can't say I'm not impressed and amused. Quote ( The bunny slippers hiss and slither into the shadows. ) -Takuaka: Toa of TimeWhat if the Toa you know best were not destined to be? Interchange: The epic begins Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LockmanCapulet Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 This entire thing. This entire comedy. This intricately setup story. All for ONE FLIPPING PUN. I am horrified and in awe. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZOMBI3S Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 ugh I hate how glorious this is. me. you win. Quote REVIEW TOPIC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dallior Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 REACTION ON SEEING FRONT PAGE: Oh yeah, I think I saw this guy's sig. REACTION ON SEEING DESCRIPTION: Hmm, cool. I'll just go read it then. REACTION HALFWAY THROUGH: Wow, this is brilliant writing! 10/10! REACTION AFTER READING: . Really?! YOU KARZING SON OF A MUKAU!!!!!!!!!!!! Quote "Remember when the comics forum had a lot of good stuff? Let's make that a thing again." -Kazi the Matoran Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IcarusBen Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 A pun, a pun! My kingdom for a pun! IMHO, this was great. Most comedies I read are too... weird and random, like a bad CN or Nickelodeon show. This was good. Really good. Quote LEGO Republic:The ValkyrieThe "Christmas Brick" My BZPRPG Profiles Now a proud member of The Kanohi Force Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Control_Vee Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 First time I've moseyed over to the Comedy section in awhile, and I have to admit, you certainly delivered. Nice job! 4.75 <Ratings Systems> out of 5, would pun again. Quote Sisen said:Let's focus on Snail! Snail is the bombdiggity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chip Wiseman Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 I gotta say, that punchline cracked me up. But man, I lost like thirty seven widgets on that wager! Quote -L- to the -K- Sometimes, I look at my desk, and think, "What am I doing with my life?" ... Then, I go back to my videogames. I used to be known as 'Gresh's Thornax...Ouchy!!!', before I realised what a silly name it was. Other previous names include Lihkan435 and Chip Biscuit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grungemeister Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Nice nice I wonder where this is goi- ... I refuse to accept it. 1 Quote A RUDE AWAKENING - A Bionicle G1 continuation and video-game project(MUSIC COMPOSER) special thx to Inary the Gunhaver for my new username. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyrix Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 (edited) haha wow this is pretty goo- ohhhhhhhhhhh nooooOOOOOOOOOOO in all seriousness though this was a very fun read. nailed the personalities of all of the Toa Edited April 1, 2015 by Cyrix 1 Quote [Cyrix] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CHTrilogy Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 How amusing!! Even I couldn't see that punchline coming! Quote ~ CHTrilogy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Franco Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Excellent. Quote [Profiles] Wisdom. Restraint. Emptiness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toaraga Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I hate you so much right now. Nah, I'm just kidding. Well played (no pun intended). I only knew about this because it was on the front page. It actually made it to the proverbial news desk. “It's today! It's today!” Tahu growled, before suddenly going limp and flopping onto his bed. “It's today,” he moaned. “Well, yes, that's the nature of today,” Vakama replied carefully. “As opposed to yesterday or tomorrow, which by their very defini-”Ha, I love that exchange. There are a few clerical errors you might want to look at though:nerve,s it was himBesides the misplaced comma, it should be "he." That might have been his last breath had the referee not called for the competitors to approach the net Tahu settled for shooting his brother a dirty look, then walked towards the net.That run-on sentence threw me off. I think there was another one I noticed while reading, but I can't remember, so I'm not sure. Other than that, nice job. ©1984-2015 Toaraga EAM Quote COT Official Topics | Trade References | COT RPG Guidelines | Truth | A Naming Day Carol | Stars Review The trouble with the status quo is that it keeps changing."College dropout, Shego: they let me in; I let myself out." -Dr. Drakken No great feat was ever accomplished by those who gave into fear or caved under pressure. Earthquakes in many places.|| Busy with life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Endless Sea (Alaki Nuva) Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 ...? ...! !?!?!?!?! I don't but but I aaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA[DATA EXPUNGED] ...okay. I'm calm now. Eyru, I now officially deem you to be, like, the most amazing terrible person ever. No exceptions. Take my upvote and do with it what you will. I'm just gonna go cry in a corner or something. (Also, gonna be serious, the treespeak kinda, uh, didn't sit well with me. Probably just a treespeak thing in general, but still. ) Quote It is not for us to decide the fate of angels. Dominus Temporis, if you're out there, hit me up through one of my contacts. I've been hoping to get back in touch for a long time now. (Don't worry, I'm not gonna beg you to bring back MLWTB or something. ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inferna Firesword Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 ....that was an epic setup for that one lame pun. I salute you, good sir. =P *looks around in vain for a 'add to favorite stories' button* -Inferna 1 Quote Reborn: a new epic by Inferna Firesword Now recruiting for the Matoran Militia! Cool Stuff: The Legends of Taladi Nui Terrible Comics Oblivion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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